SOG EP 1626 BONUS: ATTENTION Parents: Social Media Is SHAPING Your Child's Identity! (Here's What To Do)

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

0:10If you don't give your kids an identity of what it means to be in your family, they will find that identity somewhere else in the world. In the last 10 years, it's shifted. There's so much popularity of social media, text group chats, YouTube channels. Teenagers are hunting for identity. And either you give them the roots in your family, an identity, or they're going to find it somewhere else. and it's probably not even their friends or a coach. It's going to be online. That is a wild thought for today. But if you ask most children, well, first you go, what do you want to be when you grow up? Most of them say famous online.

0:47Right, YouTube or TikTok or whatever it is. Or they say something that their parents did because that's all they know. Yes. But the goal here is like, we have to give kids roots and wings. You give them roots in your home, strong identity of who they are, what it means to carry on your last name. and you tell that through stories, principle-based stories. Like in 30 years, your kids are not going to sit around the table looking at a wall at a mission statement. Right. They're going to tell stories. So what would you say are the main values or the DNA of your family and your heritage? Oh, my kids say it every day.

1:24Faith, family, and fish. They know exactly what it means to be a Donald. We love God. We back each other as a family and fish, which is fun and adventure, integrity, service, and hard work. Faith, family, fish. And we wanted to learn to fish just like I was learning to fish. First business at eight years old. I was trained. It's literally fish for the four things in fish, but learning how to fish yourself and not be given the fish. My three-year-old says it every day at dinner. And now we have a map. So now we're hunting for things that every night at dinner, like they're hunting for stories of the day and they did to display faith family and really every day there and then we have a power clap because our kids are young and they think that's cool still but yeah we're every day they're telling stories and we're like power clap for sawyer you know like they just have this identity now when they fish during the day and share what they they fished for i guess do they get rewarded financially for contributing at the dinner table No.

2:27That one's just like celebrate. Okay. That's a standard. That's a celebration. Now, the gigs is different, right? We will reward them for the gigs. Yes, yes. If we're doing that home economy three he's. Wow. So on the fridge every day, Reagan and Sawyer, our oldest two, they know what they can do to earn. And they have a list of the next three expenses that they're in charge of. So now they got the motive. See, they never ask us for money and stuff. Never. Not since three years old. Dad, Mom, I want to get this. Can you get this for me? Yeah. See, because that's a problem in homes. It's a big problem in homes.

2:58I want to buy these shoes. I want to buy this jacket. I need these sunglasses, whatever it is. It's a lose-lose in the home. Why? Because if your kids ask you, you say yes, you're slowly entitling and spoiling them. That's another trouble. Because at some point, you have to cut it off so they can do it on their own. Yep. And if they've been 10 years, 20 years, you doing it, and all of a sudden, I don't know how to do this. And if you say no, you're the bad guy. Right. So what we did is we created a system where they don't even ask you. They just know exactly where to go. okay so what we're doing is protecting relationship in the home so many parents are buying love bribing their kids or coercing them with money and stuff man especially in co-parenting oh man see this is the biggest thing get more love who's got more love and affection bribery and coercion buy the love make it better than dad's house back forth and then the kids just breed entitlement everywhere unless you can get a co-parenting strategy with this home economy that creates that probably creates a lot of trauma.

3:54Yep, massive trauma. People think that the trauma comes from the split. The trauma comes from all the other things that happen because of the split. The manipulation. Yeah. So that's step three in the strategy of legacy. What's number four? Breakthroughs. We call them relationship breakthroughs. What if you were loving your fiancee in a 10 state for you that's only a one state for her? Loving her, what I think is a 10, But for her, she's receiving it as a one. She gets one-tenth of the love you're trying to give her. Man, that'd be tough. My wife's love languages are acts of service, words of encouragement.

4:31Me, I'm a dog. Time and touch. Yeah. So for years, we had issues. Man. And I'm like, I just want to hug her and kiss her and sit on the couch and pet my head like a dog. She's like, go do this for me. Yeah. She's like, go do the trash. Go take care of the kids. and it wasn't until we unpacked these languages, but Lily wrote down, when you do these five things for me, I feel a 10. You literally should rank this with your partner. Yes, yeah, we did this early on. Yeah. It was a game changer. But then you do it with your children. How many kids and parents, you're trying to love them in your way and parent them, but they're getting it as a one and you don't realize that.

5:09They're not receiving it. They're not receiving the love. So you're like, you know, I just want to hug you at the end of the day or spend time together. and they're like, I want to go play ball. I want you to speak words of encouragement over me. You know, I want a surprise, fun thing together. It's a gifting mentality. So we unpack those with both the parents and then with their children because it saves so much of the relationship. So much pain. Saves so much of the trauma and the pain.

5:37Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation, and I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. That will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on The School of Greatness. And if you are loving The Daily Motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcast right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

6:31Again, have an amazing day, and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.