SOG EP 1649 BONUS: “We Had to Create a Second Marriage” How to Heal a Relationship After Infidelity & Addiction

7 Aug 2024 · 7 min

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In short

Podcast Summary: The Daily Motivation - Episode 1649 BONUS

Episode Title

“We Had to Create a Second Marriage”

Theme

Healing a Relationship After Infidelity & Addiction

Overview In this episode of *The Daily Motivation*, host Lewis Howes interviews Carl Lentz, a former megachurch pastor whose life was upended by scandal and personal struggles. Lentz shares his profound journey through public disgrace, childhood trauma, and his path toward healing and redemption.

Key Takeaways

  • The Power of Storytelling:
  • The stories we tell ourselves shape our identity and future.
  • Lentz emphasizes that individuals are the authors of their lives, highlighting the importance of authenticity in those narratives.
  • Personal Trauma and Its Impact:
  • Lentz speaks candidly about the unresolved wounds from childhood abuse that influenced his life choices and behavior.
  • He acknowledges that living a lie can consume one's life, hindering personal joy and fulfillment.
  • The Cycle of Lies:
  • The episode discusses how lies, whether small or significant, create emotional and psychological burdens.
  • Lentz expresses empathy for those trapped in deception, recalling his own experiences of lying and the associated consequences.
  • Facing Demons and Finding Freedom:
  • Lentz notes the liberating experience of confronting personal demons and taking accountability for one’s actions.
  • He emphasizes the importance of vulnerability and honesty in healing relationships, particularly in the wake of infidelity or addiction.
  • Impact on Relationships:
  • Lentz reflects on how his struggles affected his marriage and family, illustrating that unhealed trauma can harm loved ones.
  • He highlights the necessity of addressing personal issues to protect and nurture relationships.
  • Transformation and Service:
  • The concept of "grace reversal" is introduced, suggesting that one can turn personal struggles into a source of strength and service to others.
  • Lentz expresses his desire to help others facing similar challenges, reinforcing the idea that redemption is possible.

Notable Quotes

  • “The very thing that was killing you and you were using to kill becomes the very thing that gives you life.”
  • “If you don’t heal what hurts you, you will bleed on those who didn’t cut you.”
  • “If you have lied as a public figure and somehow God gives you an opportunity to tell the truth again, that’s a beautiful thing.”

Conclusion This episode provides listeners with powerful insights into the journey of healing from trauma, the importance of truth and vulnerability in personal growth, and the transformative potential of sharing one’s story. Lentz's candid revelations serve as a beacon of hope for those struggling with their own challenges, affirming that with honesty and effort, redemption is achievable.

Call to Action

  • Listeners are encouraged to explore the full episode for a deeper understanding of Lentz's journey.
  • Follow *The Daily Motivation* for more inspiring content and subscribe to the Greatness newsletter for exclusive insights.

Additional Resources

  • [Listen to the Full Episode](https://link.chtbl.com/1649-pod)
  • [Greatness Newsletter](https://info.lewishowes.com/newsletter?source=podcast-post-roll)

--- This structured summary encapsulates the core themes and discussions from the episode, providing a comprehensive overview while highlighting key insights for personal growth and healing.

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Transcript

Automatic transcript. May contain errors.

0:00Hey everyone, this is Lewis Howes and I am so excited to invite you to the Summit of Greatness 2024 happening at the iconic Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles, California. This is more than just an event. It's a powerful experience designed to ignite your passion, boost your growth, and connect you with a community of other inspiring achievers. Join us Friday, September 13th, and Saturday, September 14th for two days packed with inspiration and transformation from some of the most incredible speakers on the planet. Don't miss out on this chance to elevate your life, unlock your potential, and be part of something truly special.

0:34Make sure to get your tickets right now and step into greatness with us at the Summit of Greatness 2024. Head over to lewishouse.com slash tickets and get your tickets today and I will see you there. Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

0:56I thought I was burying lies. I was really digging my own grave. Wow. Every day you live with a lie and you think you got away with it. You didn't get away with anything. Nobody ever gets away with a lie. Even if nobody finds out you robbed yourself your whole life. That's true. The moment you live with a lie, your space is being taken up with a lie that was meant for love. So if you start piling up those lies, like I did, there's no space for anything else. Like my arms were filled. I got, I can't, I can't have any joy. I can't have any presence. I can't have any peace because I got I got to carry all these.

1:30You let those things go. All of a sudden, why do you feel so free? Why do you feel so light? Because I got room. I got space. So you make the decision when you lie to take up space in your soul for something that was supposed to be healthy and beautiful and lovely and kind and explosively joyful. You choose the lie. And I have empathy for people that are doing that because I did it for so freaking long all the way. Because I never told anybody about that abuse. No way. I was buried. Never told anybody about my private life in high school. No way. My parents found out I had sex when I was like 14.

2:06And I began lying immediately. I remember the day I lied about it. And that was the beginning of this cycle that landed on some big news cycles decades later. So there is joy and freedom, though, in discovery. There is. and it's one thing to get caught and be upset that you got caught and change some of your behavior so you can kind of just keep on living. Someone was like, would you have stopped if you didn't get caught? I'm like, thank God I'll never have to know that dumb hypothetical. Like, I don't know. And God's so gracious, I haven't had to find out I did get caught and I didn't turn myself in.

2:46I got turned in. I didn't valiantly come to somebody and say, here's what I'm doing. That's not my story. My story is embarrassing. It's humiliating. And it still led to me, you know, having a discovery about who I really am. And I got to, I got to stay in on that. Wow, man. Yeah. It's almost like you could continue to have all this outwardly success, but suffer inside for decades and never really be able to enjoy your life and your, your marriage and your kids, because you know, I'm, I'm living a lie or I'm a liar or I am a lie. Even though everyone's praising me, I know something is off and I haven't addressed it with me or the people closest to me.

3:28So you're going to suffer unless you're a sociopath and have no emotion. You're going to suffer and you're probably to create cancer, disease, some type of pain that will manifest. Have you heard somebody say, if you don't heal what hurts you and cut you, you will bleed on those who didn't hurt you or cut you? I resonated with that when I heard that. I was like, oh, my gosh, because I didn't. And the effect isn't even the people. Like, I never got back at the guy who abused me. Never wanted to, by the way. I mean, I made peace with that, wrote him a letter in rehab and never went anywhere. But I was done.

4:07I mean, to do what he did to me, he must have had, I don't even know what happened to somebody like that. But I feel like that is such a huge part of recovery is getting to that place where it's like I'm hurting the wrong people. Like my kids are suffering. They suffered during that scandal because I didn't heal. And I just, I will never do that again. And I'm going to be in the middle of the road for anybody else who might have some questions. Hey, I got some stuff. Cool, man. I'm your guy. I can just show you what happened. up i'm here for you i got you yeah you know i'm not i'm not ashamed to you i'm not embarrassed uh about you at all it's almost kind of it's like you have an opportunity i don't know if you watch that movie catch me if you can yes you know it's like the guy who like the leo yeah did all the wrote all the bad checks and stole money or whatever from everyone but and then went to prison but then i guess got out and his life became about helping the government like pet people yeah and create better systems and like okay now i need to serve yeah and pay my debt almost and just be of service.

5:06It's called the grace reversal. The very thing that was killing you and you are using to kill becomes the very thing that gives you life and you help others find life through it. Only the grace of God can do that. Really? Yeah, we can't. I can't do that. Nobody else can make that happen. But if you if you have lied as a public figure and somehow God gives you an opportunity to tell the truth again, as I mean, that's that's a beautiful thing. It's like someone who commits a crime and then they go into prison and the whole prison gets help because they're there. Whatever it is, like whatever your situation is, if you're willing to put your hand up and say, I can't do this on my own, my invitation is that God can help you turn that thing around.

5:46You're in control of that. That's comforting.

5:55Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation. and I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. That will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on the School of Greatness. And if you are loving the daily motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcast right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

6:45Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.

From the publisher

Have you listened to the FULL EPISODE yet?

"The very thing that was killing you and you were using to kill becomes the very thing that gives you life and you help others find life through it." -Carl Lentz

Step into the tumultuous world of Carl Lentz, the former megachurch pastor who went from spiritual stardom to public disgrace. In this raw and revelatory episode, Lentz bares his soul, recounting the devastating fall from grace that shook his life to its core. With unflinching honesty, he delves into the deep-seated wounds of childhood abuse that led him down a path of deception, culminating in a scandal that made headlines worldwide. Lentz's story is a powerful testament to the destructive force of unresolved trauma and the liberating power of truth.

But this isn't just a tale of downfall – it's an inspiring journey of redemption and rebirth. Lentz shares the painful process of facing his demons, rebuilding his shattered relationships, and finding a new purpose in the wake of public humiliation. His experiences offer invaluable lessons on the importance of authenticity, the healing power of vulnerability, and the transformative nature of genuine accountability. Whether you're grappling with your own past or seeking inspiration to overcome life's challenges, Lentz's story will resonate deeply, offering hope and practical wisdom for anyone on a path to personal growth and healing. Don't miss this opportunity to hear Carl Lentz's full, unfiltered account of his fall from grace and his ongoing journey towards redemption.

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