The #1 Killer Of Relationships & How To Avoid It | Marisa Peer EP 788

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

0:11The thing people fight about more than anything is money. Even people with lots of money, the number one thing we fight about is money. And the second is chores, even if they have a housekeeper. Really? Yeah. So that must tell you that lifestyle is everything. You see, you don't have to have the same values. You know, you could be of a different religion. You could be Muslim. I could be Hindu. We can actually get on. We could come from a different culture and we can work that out. I come from a family where everybody was divorced and my husband doesn't, but we get on really well. So I think values are nice, but that's, you know, we've got to have exactly the same values.

0:50We don't always have the same values. Some people value things more. You're with someone who loves sport and you don't. You don't have to love sport. My husband loves cooking. He's always cooking. I don't really love that. But we don't have the same thing because I don't value cooking at all the way he does. But lifestyle, if you're up all night and your partner goes to bed early, if you're an outdoor person, you love to travel, they love to stay home, you love family and they don't. I think lifestyle is where you're going to spend the rest of your life with one person. So, I mean, so many issues about our kids are going to private school.

1:30No, they're not. I believe in punishment. I don't believe in that. It makes a very unhappy home. So lifestyle is important. Values are important too. And goals and dreams are important. But you can have different goals. Like my husband has no desire to write bestselling books. Imagine if he did, we'd be competing. But when I'm writing, he cooks me lovely food. He brings me tea and coffee. He knows I have to be left alone because I'm in a writing mode. So we're not the same because he has no interest. He tried once to I write a book. He absolutely hated it. But I couldn't do what he does. So are our values the same?

2:07Yeah. Are our goals and dreams the same? No. But is our lifestyle the same? Yeah, we like the same thing. We tend to go to bed together, get up together. We like to travel to the same places. You know, if I was with someone who wanted to go out all night until 2 a.m., that would be really hard because if I was with someone who wanted to bring people home every night and have a party, that wouldn't work so i think you we really forget that having the same lifestyle it's really important because that's what people fight about the most your feelings are the most real thing you have and i always think you should feel your feelings until they no longer require to be felt so i met this person who was mean rude to waiters dismissive rude to my family but they were just so compelling and so gorgeous and so out of my league that I tolerated it.

3:02Tune into your feelings. They will tell you very quickly, you know, our gut, our gut is our gut instinct. Our gut is the second brain. If someone doesn't seem nice and doesn't seem kind and is treating you badly, why stay? Why wait for that to get better? If you feel that they're not really a nice person, then why hang around? If you notice behavior that's a red flag, they always forget their credit card. They seem to diminish it. We'll say, you know, I don't know how I ended up with a narcissist. But often we do. We go, yeah, I just, I overlooked that. There was something else that was more compelling.

3:41They were so good looking or so nice or they were very generous. They took me to great places. And I overlooked the fact that either they were annoying or mean or even boring. I just thought, I'll stick this out. You know, your feelings are the most real thing you have. And you've got to feel your feelings until you get the message and then they go away. And often we just ignore feelings. One of my friends said, I knew I was marrying the wrong person on my wedding day. I waited for my wife to come there and I knew I was making a mistake, but I couldn't let people down. If you're into saying no that early, then at least go, hey, there's no rush to get married.

4:21There's no rush to move in. There's no rush. I mean, there maybe is a rush to have children. But more problems occur from picking the wrong person or staying with the wrong person because you're not tuning into your feelings. When you tune into your feelings, you know, because the feeling is, I feel a feeling of rightness with this person. I love waking up to this person. I love coming home to this person. Even on my worst day, when they annoy me, I imagine my life without them. I think, oh no, my life's so much better with them. so I don't think your feelings can ever lie because they come from the gut which is the seat of your emotion

5:11I am so excited for you to finish the rest of your day strong if you enjoyed this episode make sure to click the link in the description and it will take you to the full episode of my other show The School of Greatness Make sure to come back tomorrow for another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.