The IMPORTANCE of SELF INTEGRATION | Scott Barry Kaufman EP 431

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation show.

0:10I firmly believe that taking charge of your mindset allows you to be in the driver's seat of your life and unlock your potential. And that's why I'm thrilled to share that my new book is out right now. It's called The Greatness Mindset. In it, you'll learn how to build a plan for greatness through powerful exercises and toolkits designed to propel your life forward. This is the book that I wish I had 20 years ago. It's everything I've learned in the last decade with the research and the science to help you unlock your mind. Make sure to go to lewishouse.com slash 2023mindset to pick up your copy of my book, The Greatness Mindset, today.

0:54So transcendence, healthy transcendence, is essentially the definition of greatness. And we're all trying to get there, essentially. Is that what I'm hearing you say? We should all be striving to get there, but it's going to take safety, connection, self-esteem first before we can really get to those levels. So I'll explain my new revised Kaufman sailboat model. So my revised hierarchy of needs, there's no longer like a pyramid. We're a whole vehicle that needs to be integrated. That's why a sailboat works. All the parts have to work together optimally in order for that sailboat to really move in its most purposeful direction.

1:30So how is yours different than his? What is? Well, it keeps the spirit of what Maslow... See, remember, there was no Maslow's pyramid. He never drew a pyramid. If you actually... People betrayed the spirit of his original theory. So I'm trying to bring in the original spirit with my own flavor. So in his original theory, he distinguished between the being realm of human existence and the deficiency realm. D versus B realm of human existence. So another way of saying it is deficiency motivation versus growth motivation. When we're in the realm of deficiency motivation, we're motivated by what we are lacking.

2:06We basically are screaming for the things we're lacking in the world. Like if we're hungry, feed me. You know, if we're lonely, like be my friend, you know, which paradoxically makes people not want to be friends with you because you come across as needy and that's really an interesting paradox. But if you're really low in respect, you demand respect. You need to respect me. Yeah, demand it. You demand it. But the growth realm of human existence is a whole different realm. If you can get to the growth realm of being, you no longer want the world to conform to you. You actually start admiring the world on its own terms.

2:40You start to admire people on their own terms, and that's called B-love, love for the being of others. That's what Mazel called it. So in the D-realm, you have the need for connection, but in the B-realm, you have B-love, which is just love for the being of others, not for what they offer to you. you know like maybe someone wouldn't doesn't even offer you connection but you can still admire them you can still love them you know you can still be curious about them so what i did with the sailboat is the boat itself is the deer is the d realm right you need if you have too many holes in the boat you know the boat's going to sink right the water is going to come in and sink if you're too deficient in the needs for safety the need for connection the need for self-esteem and they all work together as a system is another point I want to make.

3:24They all, it's a feedback loop, I call it the insecurity cycle. People who are deficient in any one of those three tend to start quickly becoming deficient in the other two. So if safety is deficient then your self-esteem and your connection is low. If your connection is low then you don't have self-esteem or confidence. You don't feel safe. That's exactly right. And if you have low self-esteem then you feel disconnected and lacking safety as well. That's right. Yeah. You need to feel like nobody respects me, nobody cares about me. So it's a cycle. So that's the boat. If the boat is safe and secure, you're still not going to go anywhere unless you open up the sail.

4:02So it's not enough to just be safe and secure. Some people are acting these days like the ultimate is just no longer lack what they have and then they're going to be happy. It's like, no, no, there needs to be something above zero. You can't just get from negative 50 to zero. So once you can open the sail and move with a vulnerability against the inevitable winds and waves of the sea you move in a purposeful direction with a spirit of exploration be love and purpose despite knowing that the waves could come crashing down on us at any time and even though we're all in our own boat we're moving the same sea together so that that wave can come crashing on many boats at the same time you know so we need to be connected to rest of humanity and also still have that bravery and exploration drive to just go despite our fears.

4:47Right.

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5:47Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.