The Key To Manifesting Anything You Want In Life | Gabby Bernstein EP 778

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation show.

0:11We have to use the circumstances that we're living in as an opportunity to go further in our own personal development. To truly manifest means that you feel good. Feeling good means your energy is free, you're inspired, you are receptive, and therefore attracting towards you what you desire. So if we're in a place now where we feel like we're out of control, we're trying to get control, we're in the opposite of that manifestation state, which I refer to as being a super attractor. We're no longer connected to that power. So the way back to that power is to put our personal growth first, to not go out and try to force anything or do anything out there to find control, but to turn inward, to go deeper and identify what's unresolved, work out what needs to be healed, bring forth to the surface the truth of what's up so that we can show up for it and get back to a baseline of feeling safe, a baseline of feeling joy, a baseline of connection.

1:24Rather than thinking that I have to go get control over something, we have to return to who we are. And it's a lot of language, but I can further that too. When we're triggered, we try to find control because it's a way of staying safe. Being triggered in any form is really just an activation of a sense of being unsafe. So what we're going to do in that moment is go try to control our relationship or go try to control our food or go do something to feel safe. And that also can come in the form of addictive behavior like overeating or drinking too much to anesthetize and numb out that feeling of being unsafe, that feeling of being activated and triggered in a wound, in a place of fear, ultimately.

2:09So what we want to really begin to recognize is the reasons that we get triggered and then find tools, self-soothing tools, self-help methods, breath practices for self-regulation, regulating our own nervous system or our energy, our field in those moments so that we don't live from trigger to trigger to trigger to trigger to trigger. There's two ways you can show up for this. You can numb out and drink and use and anesthetize yourself in whatever way you do, or you can show up. And when I say show up, show up for yourself, show up for the unresolved parts of yourself, show up for the painful stuff, show up in your therapy, show up on a show like this, show up in a self-help book, show up through a 30-day contemplative practice, whatever it is that you are guided to, to actually take action with it.

3:05So we had two choices and we still have that choice. Even if it's been a year of numbing out, you can choose again right now. A year ago today, I was in a much more triggered state than I am fast forward 12 months, a little more, because like everyone else, COVID activated unresolved parts of me, feelings of feeling out of control. It's a big one for me. Like you said, feeling out of control, feeling unsafe, feeling not cared for, feeling like I have to do everything. So while I've spent the year really, really like in full blown recovery mode, like saying, Hey, I see this head on the, you know what hit the fan.

3:44I'm going to show up now. I've shown up with every ounce of my being and have really come out the other side. But to your point, it's still there. So it's not that I'm completely healed and I have no triggers. The difference is, is that I'm so aware of those triggers. I said to my executive team today, I said, listen, guys, we've been doing a lot of educating ourselves on how we want to have our company structure and team communication. And I like the exec team, which is our CEO and our COO and myself, we're kind of in our old habits, but our energy isn't there anymore. Like we're not that person, those people anymore, but we're still falling into these old habits.

4:25So can you help us create the structure through which we can have boundaries and proper communication so that we can step into the new patterns of who we are? So some of it is that we know we have to catch up with our own growth in a sense. And I think I've seen that personally and professionally. So it's fascinating when you make a commitment to your inner life, what can change and then the discomfort along the way too. One of the tools I've been using and studying and I plan to get trained in is IFS therapy, internal family systems. The internal family system simply put is the belief system that we have many different parts of who we are and we have these protector parts that protect these inner child parts like that he refers to as exiles and so the inner child part is i'm inadequate i'm unlovable and the protector part is whenever that that inadequacy or that fear of not being good enough or not being cared for shows up the protector part is i'm going to control everything around me so that's that's the part i call the controller right another one of my protector parts is knives out, right?

5:36So that's the part of me that's like, if you mess with me, the knives are out. Don't right. Right. Um, and another protector part could be for somebody, even, even, um, numbing out could be a protector part, right. Or drinking or addiction can be an extreme protector part. So the work is to really, uh, get to a deep connection with is what, what IFS refers to as self-energy. Self could be considered, in my words, source, inner guidance system, the universe, God, the part of you, the all-knowing, loving, caring, parental part of you, really, the part of you that can care for those more extreme parts.

6:18I've been practicing IFS for eight years with my therapist, and it has had a profound impact on my well-being and my experience of other humans and my ability to witness people with compassion, even people who are really in bad, bad ways or people who have done harmful things, but to see them with compassion because I can see them in all of their parts. When we start to do our own personal growth work, one of the greatest benefits, one of the greatest gifts is that we start to have a greater sense of compassion for others because we recognize that we're all suffering. wow if i can suffer that much then i can't imagine what that person's going through we are are all in this together i was faced with a very big moment of is this my opportunity to be radically honest because i'm trying to practice radical honesty and not judgmental at the same time but how can i be non-judgmental in my assessment of this radical honest moment that's tricky.

7:22It was because the friend that I was in this dialogue with was what she's like, I just feel so judged by you. And in my head, I'm like, and my radical honesty part said, I am really judging you, but this is why. And when I got into the why, the why is backed with data. The why is backed with concern for others. The why is backed with overarching care for the world. So I felt really grounded in the why. I would have liked to have said to her, I have no intention of changing you. I welcome you to tell me whatever it is that you need to say. I just want to be able to tell you the truth first, and then you have every right to tell me exactly how you feel.

8:09I want to be honest with you so that I don't hold on to it and so that we can clear the air. And it's important for me to let you know my opinion about this matter. So here it is. And then when expressing it, speak about it honestly, and then using nonviolent communication, which would really imply, I feel I'm noticing this. It makes me feel this way. I think a resolution could be this, just coming at it from a place of human to human connection rather than trigger to trigger.

8:55I am so excited for you to finish the rest of your day strong. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description and it'll take you to the full episode of my other show, The School of Greatness. Make sure to come back tomorrow for another episode of The Daily Motivation Show.

9:19Thank you.