The MISSING PIECE To Inner Peace? It's SELF-LOVE! | Yung Pueblo EP 644

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

0:11You talk about this on page 154 of The Way Forward. When your self-love increases, you become far less willing to harm others. Why? Because real self-love slowly opens the door to unconditional love for all beings. It sounds like, the more I'm talking to you about this, It sounds like when we have hurt or sadness about something in our life, whether it's a recent hurt or sadness or past that keeps coming up, we don't know how to fully love ourselves for the pain, the shame, or the feelings we have towards that memory. Yeah. And so we have guilt, sadness, anger, resentment, a lack of forgiveness of others, of ourselves.

0:55Therefore, we harm self and probably others more frequently when we do that. You said, again, when your self-love increases, that's when you're more in harmony with yourself and less reactive to others is what it sounds like. Totally, totally. I really believe that. I think you were literally to wonder, like, what is the missing piece? and we're talking about both words like a piece in a puzzle and peace in the earth like what's missing it's self-love and i really genuinely believe and i've seen this process not only happen inside of me but others and as that we're talking genuine self-love like not commercial self-love not like what are you buying yourself and all this stuff not that we're talking about how you engage with yourself in an accepting manner right the energy you put into your personal transformation, the willingness to engage with your own emotional history.

1:48That's what I really think is genuine self-love. But once you're able to engage with yourself and activate those parts of self-love so that you can better know and heal yourself, then that sort of reactive pattern to lash out on others, to wish harm on others, all those things just decrease. They melt away. And even for people you don't like, you're just like, I wish them the best. But may they be over there, but I wish them the best, you know? And I think it's pretty across the board. I think as people really develop that quality and can just engage with their past better, I think they're less likely to want to harm others.

2:26It's so fascinating because there was definitely decades where I was extremely reactive or combative or defensive or emotional, right? In certain moments, not all the time, but like when I was triggered, when the wound was triggered in me, I had this like okay I want to win I want to be right I want to defend I always felt like people just don't understand me yeah people like don't get me I was like why don't they understand me why I'm so angry or why I'm frustrated about these certain moments yeah now after being on a healing journey I can witness other people doing it and say oh wow yeah I remember that because that was me for a long time yeah for sure and have compassion for people but also know that the only way I was able to have more calm and inner peace was doing the healing work.

3:11That's the only way I was able to get there because I tried it from other ways, making money, being successful, having, you know, attractive women around me, trying all the things that you think are going to bring you more peace. They didn't bring me peace. And it was until I did the inner work and I turned around and I faced the pain as opposed, you know, the thing that was hunting me and haunting me, I faced it and started it to work with it. Yeah. As opposed to run away from it. That's when over time it started to have more, you know, calming reactions. It's still not perfect, but it definitely improved over time.

3:47You know, your four life lessons in your book, you say build inner peace or fall to outer chaos. Second one you say is be flexible. Being flexible does not mean giving up. The third, appreciate the closest friends in your life. And the fourth, challenging times do not last forever. The only thing is challenging times may last forever if you don't face them. Yeah. Yeah. You know, these painful memories will keep coming up. Keep haunting you. Yeah. Unless you face them and find a way to build inner peace. Right? No, it's really true. And I think it's interesting because you can look at it from different perspectives where challenging times, you know, ultimately everything that arises ultimately passes away.

4:29so something that may be difficult may disappear and then they may come back right so in that sense it doesn't last forever but in the other sense that you're talking about it's totally true where there will be particular difficulties that you carry within you that will just keep popping up popping up they'll get triggered by a certain thing that your memory is like oh this again danger danger danger and then you feel the reaction again so these things have to be addressed yes and I love that you're pointing out to you know the falling to outer chaos because that's something that I feel like as people who care about personal transformation people who really want to build peace within themselves the challenge is can you maintain your energy the way you want it to be because human beings we are often in the system of like osmosis where if I have a particular emotion whether it's anger or joy right whatever it may be, I'll usually want, we'll want another person to join us in that emotion.

5:29Right. Right. So it's like, even the bad ones. Yeah, exactly. Even the bad ones. So like, if I'm angry, I'm like, please, please join me in my anger. And either by making you angry or by being like, let me tell you a story about this thing that happened that pissed me off. Please join me in also being angry. They did this. Yeah. Right. But the same thing with the lighter emotions, right? We want to partake in them. And those are beautiful. Like those happily, yeah, let me join you in your joy. Like I would love to be happy for you. But when someone is inviting you to join them in their anger, whether by pissing you off or by telling you what pissed them off so you can be angry with them, I think those moments are where the real sort of like, this is a test, right?

6:06This is like, I don't need to join you in this anger. Actually, I'm okay. Like, I don't want that heaviness. I could even practice, like, especially if it's a dear loved one, I could even practice listening to you and seeing you, but also just maintaining my peace while I'm trying to see you. And it's really difficult, right? It's not like a, you know, get 100 % type test, but you can do your best to just keep your energy as it is, especially as you're moving through different environments, you know, moving out of the work environment, you know, different situations that you're in. Because I think being able to manage your own energy, I think it's just a sign of mastery.

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7:40Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.