The Path To Happiness & Fulfilling Relationships | Jillian Turecki EP 259

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation show.

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0:53What's been the biggest mistakes you've brought to relationships? Relationships are funny. I mean, I've had some really beautiful relationships and I've had some not so beautiful relationships. relationships. And that's why certain people are going to bring out certain things in you, whereas others are not. But I've definitely brought codependency and low self-worth to relationships, like depending on my partner too much for my happiness. Really? Yeah. What happens when we depend on our partner to make us happy? Catastrophe. So here's the paradox. I think that we need to be with someone who wants to make us happier and that we want to make, we want to add value to each other's lives.

1:33We want to make the path easier, but no one can walk our path but ourselves. The problem is that if you don't feel at least mostly whole, you know, we all have our things that we're dealing with, but if you don't, if you feel really fragmented and you think a relationship or another person is going to actually bring all the pieces together, then what's going to happen is that you're going to be really disappointed because then you're relying on another fallible flawed human and you're going to have all these expectations and your your shoulders are going to be crushed by the weight of failed expectations constantly so yeah i've done that um not really standing on my own two feet emotionally um i have brought stress to a relationship and not and not my self-awareness around stress to the point where I've closed, you know, not been receptive to love.

2:30Guarded. Yeah, guarded or just tense and stressed and just totally expecting to be loved anyway. You know, relationship is so filled with paradox. It's like, yes, they should actually contribute to your happiness. But you also have to know how to make yourself happy. No, you don't have to love yourself completely to be in a relationship. But yes, you have to love yourself at some level, you know, or you learn to love yourself in a relationship, but also you can't enter a relationship hating yourself. There's just so many paradoxes. And I would just say that people just need to find sort of the balance for themselves.

3:11And like the reality is that we should be adding value to each other's lives. We should want to root for our partner and we want to see them win. And we want to see like their path be just like paved with gold. And we will do anything to help them, but we can't actually pave the path for them. And that's the key difference. And we can't expect that from someone. Right. You know, over the last couple of years of doing my own healing journey, I was just like, if I enter a relationship again, right? It was kind of like if, you know, because I was like, I'd rather be happy and on my own. No, but I love intimacy and connection.

3:51Yeah. It's like, okay, I want it, but it's like not at the expense of like suffering. Yes. And abandoning my values and my vision and my lifestyle, my needs. Yes. But I was like, I just want to make sure that I'm always taking care of it and loving myself and taking care of myself and creating my own joy and happiness and fulfillment, independent of a relationship. never needing someone, but the way they show up can just add to that joy, add to that happiness. And I want to be in a relationship with someone that is a joyful person. It's kind of like their baseline. Because they've processed stuff, they've been on the healing journey, they're whole, not perfect, but whole, their baseline is joy.

4:32When someone's baseline is joy, you don't have to do something to make them joyful. They are joyful. And so it's getting your place to a state of peace and joy and fulfillment in your own life so that you don't need the person to make you happy and then you're not going to self-abandon i think or diminish your self-worth in the relationship if someone's abusive or acting out of character consistently you're not going to stay in that you're gonna be like well that doesn't work for me and that's really the key point because honestly what's epidemic in terms of what i see personally is just low self-esteem yeah it's sort of like two camps i see people either being selfish and not appreciating their partner not giving enough to the part not giving enough or i see the people tolerating too much bs right and so to the people who tolerate too much it's like you something you have to do something to raise your self-esteem something because the what people tolerate out there is unbelievable actually but part of that is also because people are so afraid to be alone and they're afraid to start over and And the time invested with that last person.

5:41Exactly. Love your life single. You can really love your life single, but also really want a relationship. I think that life is better in a good relationship.

6:02Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation, and I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. that will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on the School of Greatness. And if you are loving the daily motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

6:55Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.