The Surprising Signs Someone Is TRULY In Love With You! | Macken Murphy EP 667

0:03Hey everyone, this is Lewis Howes and I am so excited to invite you to the Summit of Greatness 2024 happening at the iconic Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles, California. This is more than just an event. It's a powerful experience designed to ignite your passion, boost your growth, and connect you with a community of other inspiring achievers. Join us Friday, September 13th, and Saturday, September 14th for two days packed with inspiration and transformation from some of the most incredible speakers on the planet. Don't miss out on this chance to elevate your life, unlock your potential, and be part of something truly special.

0:38Make sure to get your tickets right now and step into greatness with us at the Summit of Greatness 2024. Head over to lewishouse.com slash tickets and get your tickets today and I will see you there. Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

1:01I'm curious, when do you know when you've been dating someone that they are actually in love with you? Are there clear signs that someone truly loves you? So I spoke to Helen Fisher, who is someone who definitely doesn't need my implication. She's very famous. I would say the world-leading expert in romantic love understands it top to bottom. And what she told me is that the best proxy that we have, right? So there's all these symptoms of romantic love. You know, if we're talking about in love, like acutely in love, the symptom that you're looking for is obsessive thinking. Thinking about them all the time.

1:36Other things include, you know, special meaning, right? So their car is now better than all the other cars. Their shoes are, the way they tie their shoes is so spectacular, you'd think it's adorable. Those sorts of, you know, imputing special meaning, that's pretty common with people who are in love. And love is also really best understood as, and this also comes from her work, really best understood as three brain systems, right? There's lust, which I don't think I need to explain. There's, let's call it, passionate love, romantic love, right? This acute honeymoon phase style love, which generally lasts, you know, if things go really well, could last maybe four years if you're lucky.

2:14If you're in a long distance relationship. Maybe a little longer. And the final form is attachment. So that's, you know, when you're settled down with someone and you want that to last a long time. And, you know, those passionate love feelings go away. and some people think, oh, what a disaster. I want to keep them. But, I mean, those passionate love feelings come with a lot of what we were just talking about, right? They come with a lot of jealousy. They come with a lot of, like, do you really want your life to be categorized by obsessing over a romantic partner for 40 years? It's like there's more important things to be doing.

2:47A few years of that, I think, it's about right than other things. If someone is in a relationship with someone right now and they've been cheated on by that person, but they've chosen to stay with them, Do you think it's possible, based on research or science that you've studied, that that relationship can work or that they can be faithful after infidelity? I think we all know couples who have survived infidelity, right? And there's the kind of trite aphorism, best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. To an extent, that does seem to apply here. It's not the best predictor, but Kayla Knopp and her colleagues did a longitudinal study of people in relationships, so to say.

3:31And I believe it was Kayla Knopp. I'll have to double check that after the show. But there was a study in Endy Case that looked at, what's your relationship history, right? Where are you coming from here? And then watched, you know, how did this relationship play out? And excuse me if I'm misquoting the stat, I read this study two years ago. But I believe it was that people who had cheated in their past relationship, you know, I won't say a specific number, but it was a multiple more likely. It wasn't like they're 10 % more likely. It was like they're three times more likely to cheat again, right, than someone else taken neutrally, right?

4:06And that's previous relationship to current relationship. But I would say that it's like you gain so much information. Plenty of people don't cheat. Plenty of people never cheat their entire lives, right? Plenty of women, plenty of men. Maybe even most. And so if someone does that to you, they've just given you, as you might say, a gift of giving you all this information about them as a person. Right. And I'm not damning cheaters. Plenty of, you know, psychologically normal good people make mistakes that they consider mistakes immediately. Right. That happens. But this idea that it's like you can, you know, there are plenty of fish in the sea and you want to choose the one fish that already did that to you.

4:46you know i but i would i would say that this is that in speaking about this i'm talking a lot about i'm thinking in my mind because of my own age i'm thinking of you know young relationships we're hitting reset is pretty easy and finding someone new but if you have 10 years of relationship and you've got family and all this context it's a little different so i'm not making any blanket recommendations i'm just saying that you if someone has cheated on you yeah they're more likely to cheat on you than a random stranger on the street

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6:07Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.