This Is WHY Your RELATIONSHIPS Fail | Matthew Hussey EP 434

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

0:12For all the people at your retreats or the women who are watching or listening at home that just want to find their match, their partner, what's the first step they can take to start getting out of the weeds of failure after failure and start seeing some progress to greater potential matches? A couple of things. I mean firstly as a guy called John Kaye who wrote a book called Oblickety and the whole idea of the book was Oblickety is when you reach goals through indirect means So if you take Building a business if your goal is to make money Instead of focusing on making money Focus on all the things that provide value to people Yeah, because the making money part will be the byproduct right if you focus on I need to get rich I need to get rich I need to get rich you're probably not going to do the things that are going to get you rich right because what makes you financially wealthy the relationships you take time to build that often for a long time um you don't ask for anything you don't even care to you're just building you you know the products that you create for no reason then you just think that they're great or that you think they have value or whatever the service that you provide people it's just it's not what's the quickest way for me to make money most people like that don't get rich in a relationship there's all these things that build a relationship that really have nothing to that don't feel like they have anything to do with a relationship like who would say knowing what you would do with the next 10 hours of your life if it was free is actually going to be a huge determinant of the health of your relationship it's like one's over here and one's over here right okay shouldn't we be talking about how to have better sex yeah shouldn't we be talking about how to communicate well with my partner no we're talking about you being an independently attractive, purpose-driven, independent person who is attractive just to watch from afar because of the life you lead.

2:11That's going to lead to a much better relationship. By the way, even that will lead to better sex. Yeah. Because your partner looks at you and is like, this person is more attractive. This is a person. Yeah. This isn't just an extension of me. Yeah. This is a person. So it's the indirect things that contribute. And so let's now take that to the single place. I'm single. What do I do next? Study the things that contribute to getting you a relationship that often have nothing to do with getting a relationship. The things you do with your spare time. If I want to learn yoga, do I do it on my own at home with a YouTube video?

2:52Learning yoga, by the way, on its own could be a good thing just because it makes you more interesting. You have more to talk about. you feel confident in yourself all of that but okay now let me do a more sociable version of that let me go and do a class where i might actually have the chance of meeting other people maybe they're not men maybe they're other single women but other single women are useful too another indirect variable because you have more single friends or more fun friends more charismatic friends friends who come knocking at your door going hey we're going out get out of your damn pajamas we're going out right that person is going to be great for your love life instead of staying in every weekend makes you leave and go to places where people are i encourage people to do all those indirect things and then someone can't say i'm just sick of going out i'm i'm giving i give up on what like someone said that to me in a seminar i said i just feel like giving up tell me what on yourself on life you're giving up i want to hear this tell me what are you giving up on meeting people meeting people would you not meet people if you if someone said you can never find the love of your life that's off the table would you really stop meeting people your need for a human interaction would disappear i don't think so you'd stop flirting with people that's part of your character flirt being flirtatious is a part of who we are at times so why would we lose that being sexual would you really lose that you're going to stop being sexual just because the end result isn't coming i i don't buy it you'd stop doing hobbies you'd stop getting out there all the things that you have to get rid of to say i'm done with relationships are things that would absolutely erode your life even if you take the relationship out of the equation yeah i know there is a terrific level of like dating burnout right now and if you're out there feeling that right now i i urge you to think about this differently and to say i don't have to constantly have it in my mind i'm trying to meet someone i'm trying to meet someone i'm trying to meet someone that game gets boring and now when you go on a date and it doesn't go anywhere you're a failure you see it as life this isn't dating it's life it's meeting people it's experiencing a great conversation having a fun moment of interaction or flirtation doing things you want to do anyway doing hobbies you want to do anyway because they'll they'll enrich your experience of life all of those things are really important you don't have to call it dating just go live

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6:27Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.