In short
Podcast Episode Summary: The Daily Motivation
Episode Title
Three Powerful Questions That Transform Difficult Conversations | Jefferson Fisher EP 908
Overview In this episode of "The Daily Motivation", host Lewis Howes converses with communication expert Jefferson Fisher about strategies for managing difficult conversations. The discussion revolves around three powerful questions that help defuse tension and foster better understanding in emotionally charged interactions.
Key Themes
- Empowerment Through Communication: The importance of mastering communication techniques to improve relationships.
- Active Listening: Techniques to ensure that conversations are productive and lead to deeper connections.
Three Powerful Questions
- "Sounds like you have a reason for saying that."
- Originates from Chris Voss.
- Acknowledges the other person's perspective and invites them to share their thoughts more openly.
- "Tell me more."
- Encourages the other person to elaborate on their feelings and thoughts, promoting active listening.
- Requires patience but can lead to a deeper understanding of the individual’s concerns.
- "Are you okay?"
- A genuine question expressing concern that can help defuse tension and create a sense of connection.
Insights from Discussion
- Importance of Patience: Using the "tell me more" technique requires significant patience as it may take time for the other person to fully express themselves.
- Authenticity in Conversations: Authentic listening—without the intent to fix problems—can significantly strengthen relationships.
- Challenges in Assertiveness: Many people struggle with assertiveness in communication, often choosing to avoid confrontation to maintain peace.
- Personal Struggles: Lewis shares his own experiences with avoiding difficult conversations in the past, preferring to keep the peace over expressing his true feelings.
Common Mistakes in Difficult Conversations
- Lack of Assertiveness: Many individuals fail to express their feelings clearly and assertively due to fear of conflict.
- Emotional Triggers: Understanding personal triggers can help communicate more effectively and recognize similar triggers in others.
Conclusion The episode underscores the transformative potential of asking the right questions during difficult conversations. By fostering an environment of open communication and active listening, individuals can navigate conflicts more effectively and build stronger relationships.
Additional Resources
- Greatness Newsletter: Sign up for more inspiration and content from Lewis Howes and his guests.
- Full Episode Access: Listeners are encouraged to check out the full episode on The School of Greatness for deeper insights.
Call to Action
- Follow The Daily Motivation on platforms like Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
- Leave reviews to support the podcast's growth and reach.
---
This summary encapsulates the core ideas discussed in the podcast, providing a structured overview for those interested in improving their communication skills and enhancing relationships through effective conversation techniques.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00There are two big things happening at one time that I've never done before. I'm going on a book tour for my new book, Make Money Easy, and I'm doing a podcast tour at the same time. It is going to be big, and I'm going to seven cities in 10 days. Get your friends, get your family, bring everyone you know to these cities. I'm coming to Austin, Texas, New York, Boston. We're going to Nashville. Then we're going to Los Angeles, San Diego, and San Francisco. Make sure to get your tickets right now. Go to lewishouse.com slash tour. Again, bring everyone you know if you're looking to create more financial freedom and abundance in your life and you want to see a massive guest live on the School of Greatness show.
0:45Get your tickets. I can't wait to see you there. Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.
1:00What are the three most powerful questions you should ask when someone is overreactive, stressed out, or overwhelmed in an argument or conversation? him. There's one that I love and it's by our friend, Chris Foss. And he says, sounds like you have a reason for saying that. I love that question so much. Sounds like you have a reason for saying that because there's always a reason that they have for saying it. Um, and they, they may not feel comfortable sharing it until you ask that question. Should you say, what is that reason? Or just let it sit? Usually if you let it sit, they'll say, yeah, yeah.
1:39And they're I'm feeling frustrated. I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm feeling stressed. Yeah. Whatever it is. Exactly. And this one isn't a question, but it's very close to it. And it's tell me more. What else? If you had to put that in the question, it would be what else? But tell me more is one of my go-tos because there's always more. You've got to have such extreme patience to be able to use that because it could go for hours. It can. It can, but that's just, it's that metaphor of you can't pour your glass into a pitcher that's already full. You got to let them pour it all out before they'll ever accept anything new into their mind.
2:19And what's the third one? The third one would be, are you okay? And you can't do it from a sarcastic point. Yeah, yeah, are you okay? It's a genuine, it's an authentic, are you okay? because so many times I am not okay. But if somebody would just ask me, that would make me feel a little bit better. A little bit better. You know what's interesting? If people could learn the art, because I think it's an art of tell me more, they will have some of the most powerful relationships in their life with the people they can use that with. When I'm in a good state and I'm not feeling defensive,
3:04and Martha's having some type of overwhelming moment or something's going on, when I'm able to be there for her and just say, what's going on? Tell me more. Yeah. And continue to tell me more. Is there anything else? Is there anything else you'd like to say? Right. Tell me more about how that makes you feel. Yes. What about, what else? What about this? Tell me more. Until she's able to get it all out. And if I can be present and patient, there is so much power in the connection afterwards. and for weeks of just like being able to be there for someone to listen. Not trying to fix, not trying to coach, not trying to guide, but just listen and say, tell me more.
3:41What else is going on? Is there anything else you want to say? Are you sure? What else? It is so powerful. It will change your relationship for the better. And the hardest part for me is to get out of myself when I'm feeling defensive to be able to do that for someone else. because I feel like I'm not speaking about Martha, but just in general, I don't feel like they're doing that for me. It's most impactful, this tell me more mindset, is especially when the other person is angry. Oh, yeah. If I have a conversation with somebody and they're heated and they're mad at anything, maybe they're mad at me, and I say, tell me more.
4:20They'll tell you more. Oh, yeah. And then you keep letting go and you go, all right, tell me more. I mean, it's just a, it's, it's therapeutic in a way where you're just taking it in and you're just listening. The hard part is not grabbing a hook. Yeah. Yeah. Of course. We're not doing it. You know, it's hard to do it when you're upset or you're exhausted or you're angry or you're feeling your emotions. If you're acting like a five-year-old, you know? Yeah. We don't ever do that. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Of course. That's interesting, man. Then what do you think is the biggest mistake you see people making today when it comes to having challenging conversations?
4:58not having enough assertiveness in that communication like control confidence yes you know you you have the area of control controlling yourself and by controlling yourself and and understanding your own triggers you're better to see those triggers in other people step two is seeing it with confidence meaning you learn to say things assertively You say things that are going to make sure they know where you stand, that you say what you mean and mean what you say. That's a whole lot harder for a lot of people because they don't want to step on toes. They don't want to be very direct. They'd rather type it on that keyboard and put it in a YouTube comment than ever say it to your face.
5:45I see a lot of that. Yeah, you know what's interesting? I lacked a lot of courage telling people for many years how I really felt from a conscious way of communicating not like screw you I'd hate you or something like that not like a little child but I lacked the ability to have courage to have the challenging conversations I just wanted to like keep the peace make people happy cool I'll do this for you and whatever you want be a nice guy Lewis nice guy yeah exactly
6:20Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation, and I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. That will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on The School of Greatness. And if you are loving The Daily Motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcast right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.
7:10Again, have an amazing day, and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.
From the publisher
Don't miss the Make Money Easy Book Tour! https://lewishowes.com/moneyyou
Check out the full episode: greatness.lnk.to/1737
Communication expert Jefferson Fisher shares the three most powerful questions to ask when someone is overreactive or overwhelmed. The first is Chris Voss's disarming phrase "Sounds like you have a reason for saying that," which acknowledges the person's perspective without judgment. The second is the seemingly simple yet profound invitation to "Tell me more," which Fisher explains creates space for people to fully express themselves before they can receive new information. The third question—"Are you okay?"—asked with genuine concern, can instantly defuse tension and create connection.
Lewis and Jefferson explore how mastering these communication tools, particularly "tell me more," can transform relationships by fostering deeper understanding during conflicts. They discuss the common mistake of lacking assertiveness in difficult conversations, with Jefferson emphasizing the importance of understanding your own triggers while communicating with confidence. Lewis candidly admits his past struggles with having challenging conversations, often choosing to keep peace rather than express his true feelings. Their conversation reveals how authentic listening without trying to fix problems creates powerful bonds that strengthen relationships over time.
Sign up for the Greatness newsletter: http://www.greatness.com/newsletter
Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.