Trauma Recovery Specialist Shares: Why PERFECT Healing Is A MYTH (And What To Aim For Instead) | Dr. Mariel Buqué EP 656

0:03Hey everyone, this is Lewis Howes and I am so excited to invite you to the Summit of Greatness 2024 happening at the iconic Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles, California. This is more than just an event. It's a powerful experience designed to ignite your passion, boost your growth, and connect you with a community of other inspiring achievers. Join us Friday, September 13th, and Saturday, September 14th for two days packed with inspiration and transformation from some of the most incredible speakers on the planet. Don't miss out on this chance to elevate your life, unlock your potential, and be part of something truly special.

0:38Make sure to get your tickets right now and step into greatness with us at the Summit of Greatness 2024. Head over to lewishouse.com slash tickets and get your tickets today and I will see you there. Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

1:01So the first thing I'm hearing you say is kind of the ways to start healing is to first do an assessment of the stories and the memories that hurt you and see how the body reacts or responds. Right. What would be the next step after that? We notice a tightness in our stomach, a clenching in our throat, a pain in our chest. What would be the next step to starting that healing process? Step two is relaxation. Step two is actually going into any kind of practice you choose, right? But it can be breath work. It can be meditation. It can be Tai Chi. It can be yoga. It can be so many. That can actually help your body to release some of that tension.

1:42Interesting. And so what we're doing in that very moment is that we're, of course, recognizing that there's a pain that has been there, that has been emotional, that has now a physical manifestation, and that we're also integrating a relaxation, a body relaxation practice to help release that tension, help absolve that tension from the body. If we never release it, what happens? It becomes disease. Wow. So emotional memories turn into physical pain and eventually disease in some way. Many of the metabolic conditions that we know about, diabetes for example, cardiac conditions, a lot of those can be mapped back to stressors in life.

2:27And there's a lot of studies that have been done around even autoimmune conditions being very deeply connected to stressors and to trauma. And more recently, there's some studies that also have some correlates to certain cancers. So when we start thinking about what the body is telling us, the body, when it's in that state of disease, is telling us, I don't feel well because I'm not being taken care of emotionally. And that is usually the clue for us to say, oh, I need to slow down, when we needed to slow down probably 15, 20 years ago. Right, right, right. So once we recall the memories and I guess really reflect on where we're feeling this pain or reaction in our bodies, the third thing I'm hearing you say is to relax through some type of therapeutic process.

3:21Breath work, meditation, yoga, some type of relaxation process to release it, right? What would be the next thing? Because a lot of times most people just numb or disassociate the pain, right? We don't truly feel the pain because it's too painful. And so we'll find ways to numb, distract, disassociate, block the memories to not feel that pain. And that can be just as harmful, right, just to numb, block, or disassociate. It can. You know, there are protective factors. There are ways that we protect ourselves from the pain that we truly feel, and especially the depths of our pain. Some of us just don't want to understand how deeply hurt we have been.

4:03How wrong we've been. How wrong we've been. How unfair, unjust, hurtful these things are. Yeah. And, you know, like in order to self-preserve, in order to make it through another day, the mind and the body, they're just brilliant, brilliant like machines. They have mechanized a way to actually protect us from ourselves. Wow. And so they basically like structured all these coping mechanisms that, albeit harmful or maladaptive, were not helpful or not connecting when we're talking about relationships, right? they can you know still help keep you safe for another day but the alternative to that is to then learn coping skills that actually can be adaptive connecting and that can actually be the better recipe for not only your ability to stay within healthy relationships with other people but also for you to experience the type of sustainable and long-term mental and physical wellness.

5:08What's the next step after that once we start applying some of these self-therapeutic experiences you know it might be 10 minutes of breath work or some type of release how do we get to a place of truly healing that wound or that memory you know how long does it take of us in doing this over and over again? Do we eventually need to process in other ways through talk therapy or more intensified therapies? What's the solution to absolute healing? And is that even a thing? Well, there isn't really a 100 % type of healing that truly exists. I mean, I think that anything that leans in the direction of perfectionism is a myth, including healing, right?

5:52However, However, there are ways in which we can live a life that is filled with ease and peace more often than not. And a life in which if triggers were ever to present themselves, that they would be just subtle and tolerable. And that we can have the actual tools, the sense of empowerment and agency over our own bodies and minds to actually release that process and move into the next thing that life has for us. rather than being stuck and frozen, which is what tends to happen with trauma. Sure. But the next step really is, you know, the way that I work is that I integrate a lot of these nervous system restoration practices for a long period of time with folks.

6:35And I've done it myself and with my family and with kind of everyone and in the book. But this actually is the lengthier part of the work, the actual grounding. This can take months or years. It can take months. Right? Yeah. It can. It can. And, you know, sometimes I actually like to give it a bit of context, like for people who feel like, well, let's say, you know, that I want to do this work, but how much am I going to have to do in order to really? Might be a lot. It might be a lot. Yeah. And that's okay. And it might feel exhausting and it might feel overwhelming and it might feel emotional and it might feel, you know, like it's all consuming at times.

7:12Yeah. All of the above. Yeah. And I would even go as far as saying maybe not might, but it will. For a period of time. Yeah, for a period of time. And it is survivable. And if you have the tools to actually help you to settle once things feel like they're getting really heavy, then it's going to make the experience more tolerable. Right. You're not going to feel like you're thrown into the abyss of your deepest, darkest emotions and have no way out. You're like in a black hole.

7:49Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation, and I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. That will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on The School of Greatness. And if you are loving The Daily Motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple podcast right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel on Apple podcast right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

8:39Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.