Turn Your Inner Critic Into Your Greatest Healer | Marisa Peer

0:00Courage. I learned it from my adoptive mom. Hold my hand. You hold my hand. Learn about adopting a teen from foster care at AdoptUSKids.org. You can't imagine the reward. Brought to you by AdoptUSKids, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, and the Ad Council. Hi, my name is Lewis Howes, and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

0:27As a society, when men are unable to express or communicate themselves, or they're going to be known as weak or soft or whatever the word is, it's hard for them to express themselves in any other way except for this blow-up.

0:40Marisa Peer:Yeah, especially when you say this, like, stop acting like a girl. You're running like a girl. Exactly. You're acting like a girl. Don't be a wuss. Don't be a guest. It's like less than their manhood or something. Of course. There's no wonder why, if it's unacceptable for men to express themselves in this way, it's hard for them to just be stoic constantly. I'm not saying it's okay what they've done to act out, but I think society in general needs to have a big group hug. Sure. And let it out in a way where it's more acceptable to express ourselves. And also, whenever anyone does anything wrong, we go, what's wrong with you?

1:12Marisa Peer:We should say, what happened to you? What happened to you? And they'll go, well, you know, my mom always said she didn't want a girl, oh boy, she wanted a girl and I've been brought up. Give you an example, I had a city trader as a client who really had problems trading. And his boss said, you know, he's the best trader, but he's so nervous. And when I worked with him, he was saying that when he was a kid, his parents had two girls and then him. And he would smash his tongue with toys and they'd go, what's wrong with you? Look at your sisters just combing their doll's hair and they're so good.

1:44Marisa Peer:And why are you so aggressive? And a four-year-old can't go, well, because I have something called testosterone. own and they don't and I'm designed to run and jump and hunt and fish and I've got to learn what to do with aggression. Smashing my cars together is good for me. A four-year-old doesn't have anything because they live in the world. Yeah, they just live in a world of feeling, not logic. And he said, I never realized, just spent my whole life thinking something's wrong with me because my parents would say everything comes to me. What's wrong with you? Look how neat He says, they don't get peas on the floor when they eat.

2:16Marisa Peer:And he said, I heard it every day until I formed a belief something's wrong with me. He didn't date women because he thought, well, I should be like one, but I want to be like a man. And that session totally turned him around. He said it was like someone had sprayed him with pheromones because he went out that night and women were attaching themselves to him like a magnet. But he just got rid of the feeling of something's wrong with me. Because most people do walk around and go, something's wrong with me. I'm just majorly messed up and you can't heal. No one understands me. No one gets me. Yeah, and I don't understand me and if I don't understand me, how can you?

2:52And why should I even be here?

2:53Marisa Peer:Yeah, because you can't heal what you can't understand. And so all the treating the symptom is like putting a band-aid on an infection. It doesn't when you understand it, you can totally change your perception of what it is because events actually don't affect you but the meaning you attach isn't The story we tell ourselves about. The story. And that's, I love that because when I just got all my Stevie Awards, it's like, oh, I feel like I've got an Oscar. And that's good because I take clients' stories and I give them a happy ending. Always give them a happy ending. But then you have to understand a bit more of psychology because humans are hardwired to recreate what they know.

3:34Marisa Peer:We like what's familiar, even if it's very bad. If I've never had money and I win the lottery, I'm going to get rid of it. or if I've never had love and you love me, I'm going to reject you because it's so unfamiliar. If I've had a dad who calls me an idiot and worthless, guess what kind of guy I like? That's it, because when I meet them, I go, oh, I feel like I've known this guy my whole life. We just clicked. And then you think, oh, my God, it's because he's my dad. But now I've been sleeping with him for six months. I don't know what to do with that now because we are wired to like what is familiar and to resist what's unfamiliar.

4:12Marisa Peer:And that's what kept us alive. When we lived in Wards, it didn't go, I'm a bit bored with this group. I think I'll go outside the Wards City and find another tribe because they might have killed you. So we have this wiring that says, run towards what's familiar and run away from what's unfamiliar. But the very good news is you can make anything familiar. And the most important thing to make familiar is praising yourself. That's, if you could just do that, That in itself would change your entire life. How do you praise yourself? Well, you get out in the morning and go, I'm a good person. I have a skill.

4:50Marisa Peer:I have a talent. I have something to offer the world. I'm here for a reason. You look in the mirror and go, oh, there you are. You're a good person. You've got a good heart. You know, the most important way to answer that question is this. What did you always want your dad to tell you, even if you never had a dad? If you had a dad, a good dad, what would he have said? What would your mum have said? What would a nice teacher have said to you? And it would be something like this. I'm proud of you. You're a good son. I'm so glad I'm your dad. How lucky I got to have you. And a teacher would say, you're such a smart kid.

5:27Marisa Peer:What a joy it is to teach you because you're smart. And we all want to hear the same stuff. I love you. I'm proud of you. You're interesting. You're great company. Nobody needs to hear I'm the best dentist in Beverly Hills because that doesn't work. It's emotions. And many of my clients, their mother might be dead, but they're still trying to get her to approve of them. Dad's living in another country, but they're still working to make him like them. And, you know, the most important thing is you like you. So whatever you wanted to hear, say it to yourself because your mind doesn't even know that it's coming.

6:05Marisa Peer:And also it doesn't care. your mind doesn't care what you tell it is right or wrong or true or false or even if it's good or bad it lets it in like chapstick on your lips your lips don't go is this organic fair trade just lets it in it needs a bit of nourishment and we need some nourishment and words are very nourishing and there is actually nothing on the planet that will raise your self-esteem like praise

6:39I have a brand new book called Make Money Easy. And if you're looking to create more financial freedom in your life, you want abundance in your life, and you want to stop making money hard in your life, but you want to make it easier, you want to make it flow, you want to feel abundant, then make sure to go to makemoneyeasybook.com right now and get yourself a copy. I really think this is going to help you transform your relationship with money, this moment moving forward. We have some big guests and content coming up. Make sure you're following and stay tuned to this episode of The Daily Motivation Show.

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8:10Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.

8:22Courage. I learned it from my adoptive mom. Hold my hand. You hold my hand. Learn about adopting a teen from foster care at AdoptUSKids.org. You can't imagine the reward. Brought to you by AdoptUSKids, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, and the Ad Council.