Turn Your Panic Into Power Before Every Performance | Joel Kinnaman

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0:41I was working with a professional actor and had like an experience while I was preparing this monologue from Long Day's Journey into Night. And it clicked in in a special way. And I realized later it was the first time I experienced flow. and all these emotions came out and the words came out in a way that I hadn't really planned it and it connected to my relationship with my own father and it just like became something explosive and and this teacher or actor you know he sort of was the first one to really encourage me in the way where he said like look you could do this for for a profession if you want to and and then it just like it caught on like a virus in me and I became completely obsessed um you're what 18 19 20 21 really so you really need to get to do any theater or acting no I was in a tv series when I was 10 years old okay so I had a childhood experience of acting and then that kind of fell to the wayside I just did that and had a childhood experience of it um and then that kind of disappeared but I did have a relationship to the profession in a way and I think that's why even in this kind of low state that I was in the idea of acting the seed had been planted even like at an earlier stage yeah and so then I started like applying for this theater school and and and then eventually I didn't get in right away I think I got a fourth attempt then like this nervousness just caught on again and it and it attached and this like these this kind of chatter and these negative thoughts like latched on to that with a vengeance and and then I was dealing with it every time I went on stage every time before as soon as I heard the audience chatter like the audience murmur like my mouth would like filled with water and i was like okay here we go and i would actually i would have a bucket prepared and i would like come on really yeah before well this is stage theater huh this is like on stage yeah but it could even be like you know just as you know 10 people in the audience really you throw up almost every time every time come on Yeah.

3:04Before every live performance. Yeah, the first three, four years of doing theater. It was - Was that, I mean, that can't be enjoyable after the first year, you're like, okay, is this gonna ever end? No, it was brutal, it was brutal. And then I started getting like panic attacks too, like blacked out on stage in front of - In the middle of the audience? Yeah. No. This was in front of the whole school, like all the students and all the teachers, we're doing this like storytelling project, It was like three years in and and I yeah, I I hadn't prepared properly. And and it was like it was just a storytelling thing.

3:42We were going to we're going to tell a part of a novel, like 100 years of solitude, Gabriel Garcia Marquez. And and I was telling this one like segment of the story and we were four actors on stage and I was number two. So three and four had to wait until I was done to tell their story. So it was like everyone was dependent on each other. and I started out and then I started stumbling on a word and I was like and then and then people kind of laughed a little bit in the audience they thought that like oh this is this was like kind of baked in he was he's this is this is he meant to do this and then but I couldn't quite like latch on and and eventually uh yeah I just completely like lost my shit and uh did you just blank and you walked the stage and you i i kept saying this one sentence over and over again like donna maria donna maria and it was just like and then it was this empty void and it was like and i realized later like i was having a panic attack in front of the whole school and all the audience and uh and it went on for i think in real time about three minutes but it felt like three i mean And it was like, and there was a lot of, you know, cause in school, you know, those, in theater schools, like the, when you're playing up for the other students, everyone is like laughing extra much.

5:07So there was a lot of people that were like, ha ha ha. They still thought that it was like - Part of it. Part of it. And then that's slowly started to die out. And there was just this one like crazy Polish teacher. He was like, ah, ah, ah. He thought for a good two minutes and 50 seconds, he thought that it was still like the the the rest of the audience it had like settled like oh he's having an emotional breakdown and we're watching wow and uh yeah and then finally like i like stood up and i went like yes and then i walked off i walked off across the whole stage and there was a door on the other side and i opened the door and then i just get like and I slammed the door, kicked the closed door, and then I just stood there for a couple of seconds.

5:55Everyone in the whole school was just sitting watching me, watching this unfold. And then I walked back down. I sat down, and I think I said again, like... And then I was like, this book! And everyone was like, wow. And then I started over, and then I told the whole thing mechanically like a robot. And then I was done. And then I'm like, I'm done. And then I looked over to the person after. And my friend who was in the class just looked at me and was like, after this whole thing, she was like, now you want me to continue telling the story of the book? Like anyone is listening to the story of the book.

6:34Like, thanks. Best layup ever. Yeah. Oh my gosh.

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7:28Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation, and I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. That will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on the School of Greatness. And if you are loving the daily motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you wanna get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

8:19Again, have an amazing day, and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.

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