Use These PSYCHOLOGY HACKS To Become More CONFIDENT | Vanessa Van Edwards

0:00True strength is delicate. Louise Nevelson. Hi, I'm Rita Wilson. That idea stayed with me while making my new album, Sound of a Woman. These songs are about vulnerability, resilience, motherhood, and becoming more fully yourself. I hope you'll listen and maybe come here live at my City Winery tour this June. Sound of a Woman is out now everywhere.

0:30Hi, my name is Lewis Howes, and welcome to The Daily Motivation Show.

0:41What happens if we don't use our hand gestures at all in a conversation, in a pitch? Two things. One is it's harder for you to process. The person speaking, it's harder to process. It's going to be harder for you to get your confidence, because gestures are a way that we underline or highlight our words. And so if you are inhibiting your own gestures, you will have a hard time explaining things. They actually did a study where they had people explain two versions of a story. One, they could use their hands and one they couldn't. The one where they could use their hands, they had less pauses. They spoke more quickly.

1:13They used bigger words. The one where they just couldn't, just their hands were just underneath their legs. You know what's interesting? I was just reading some intros for the podcast right before you came in. And I use my hands in order to do it because I feel like it's coming across as like I'm really engaging. Yes, yes. And I remember when I was reading my first audiobook, School of Greatness, I tried to read it just kind of with my hands down for a while, and I was like, I can't read. You cannot read. I've forgotten how to read my own words. But when I started to be like, okay, I just need to get in this with my body, my hands, I felt more confident.

1:45I felt like I could flow. I wasn't messing up as much. I wasn't having to stop and restart as much. It was powerful. Yes. Okay, that's an incredible story about gesture because if you watch the best cartoon voiceover folks, They are using their - Animated, right? Yes, they are using their whole bodies. I am using my hands right now, not only for people watching, but also for my folks who are listening. Because I know that the more I use my gestures, the more charisma I have vocally. And so that helps me, but it also helps you. So anyone who's watching, you're getting so much information. They say 12.5 times more information from our gestures.

2:18Come on. Yes. Okay. What are a few other things that you noticed? Okay. Yes. Okay. So we love gestures. And by the way, this is super easy on a video call, in person. Hey, nice to see you. good morning the biggest mistake we make someone walks in and we go hey we give him a nod right give him a hand that you like him enough to give him a hand right so that's really easy it's like every youtube video i'm like hey friends that's literally how i start every video okay that's the first thing so the second thing is where things get more interesting so remember that these sharks were in pitch after pitch after pitch they're tired they are so tired i've been on set there it's a lot it's a grind it's a grind so the most successful pitches the next thing we found this was very, very clear, is that the more that the pitchers could spark dopamine, the more likely they were to get a deal.

3:01Now, dopamine is a very complicated chemical. So just for our purposes, food, eating something, no, giving them like, oh, try my... Oh, yes, yes, yes. I was like, food, yes, yes. Like taste testing, like opening something. Try it, taste it, smell it, lick it, touch it, feel it, wear it, play it. So when we are doing something that's different, that's tactile, that was going to wake the sharks up. Dopamine, it's a very complicated chemical, but it does feel good, right? So if they were to say to the sharks, sharks, today I have a gift for you. The brain goes, ooh, a gift, a gift, a gift, a gift.

3:32So what they found is that when people have a lot of dopamine, they are more motivated to do things. They are more motivated to figure out a deal. They are more motivated to ask questions. So when a pitcher went in and not only had some kind of interactivity, some kind of a surprise for them, And sometimes it was a surprise. And they would literally say, and guess what, sharks? Why? What? Right? What is it? We want to know what that is because we're like, dopamine, dopamine, dopamine. You don't have to walk in every meeting and throw out Snickers bars. Right. Love a Snickers bar. And that will work really well.

4:05That will work. It will work every time. But it's also verbal surprise. So it's also saying today has something really special to share. Right? Anticipation. Anticipation. It doesn't even have to be something major. It can be throwing in those little elements of surprise that people can look forward to. And here's the biggest one. You write a lot of emails. This study is for you. Researchers had participants come into their lab and do like a little quiz, a little math test. One group of participants read a set of directions that was very simple. Please take the following quiz. Take your time. Use a pencil.

4:38Tell us when you're done. Very simple set of directions. The other participants got the same set of directions, but they sprinkled in a couple of achievement-oriented words. So achievement-oriented words are words like win, succeed, master, greatness. Okay, those are achievement-oriented words. There's a reason why this is so powerful. They found that participants who had the achievement-oriented words performed better. They actually got more answers correct. Now, this is incredible. If you're a manager or a boss or you're working with people and you want them to perform at their best, Just a couple of word swaps can help set them up for success.

5:17The second thing they found is that it also doubled participants' desire to keep working. If they could win, succeed, achieve. They worked on it longer, they worked on it harder, and they enjoyed it more. And the last one is that reading achievement-oriented words can change our own dopamine and testosterone. They put a picture of an athlete winning a race on top of telemarketers' scripts. The people who had the picture of the athlete winning earned more money. Come on. Yes. Like just in front of them? Literally a printed picture on their script. Why I share this is because we do not realize that we are cuing people incorrectly or we are missing opportunities in every single email that we send.

6:00So if you send an email out to your team on Monday morning, hey everyone, today is going to be a busy day. We have a lot of challenges. Let's make sure we're not late. Research has found that when people read words like busy, challenge, or late, it literally primes them to be busier and later and more challenged. You are literally making it harder for them to help you. Instead, you think about, and this is a challenge I would love to, if you're brave enough to take it, open up your email sent folder and pull up five emails you've sent to important people, boss, partner, colleague, whatever, client.

6:34I want you to print those emails, and I want you to count the number of priming words you use. Good or bad. And even more, are they warm or are they competent? So this is where the next level happens. Ooh, give it to me. Highly charismatic people prime others with warmth and competence. This is what I was going to say is one of the spark dopamine. A simple compliment or acknowledgement sparks dopamine from my experience. Just by seeing someone and acknowledging something you appreciate about them or you like about them or great shoes or whatever it is, I'm going to assure that sparks dopamine, right?

7:08Oh, 100%. Actually, this leads me to my next third point, my Shark Tank point. We also noticed that when pitchers specifically acknowledge things from the sharks, and specific sharks, they were more likely to get a deal from that shark. I really like this thing about you. You did something amazing. Laurie, I've been so looking forward to working with you. Robert, I love all your deals with all those athletes. Mark, I've been a huge fan of yours for years. This was the winning phrase. In a pitch, if we heard this phrase, it was a high likelihood that someone was going to get a deal, which is, you remind me of myself.

7:39that could have been one of the sharks that could have won the entrepreneurs but the biggest compliment we can give someone is you remind me of me you're my role model i put you in so this is what we're talking about is kind of the next level here is i think that yes i want you to be your most charismatic self i want everyone hopefully who's listening to be inspired to be their warmest most competent self but what a bigger gift what a better way to be great to gift other people to be their warmest and most competent self so that when you're sending an email and you say, Hey, I'm introing Sarah, or we have Sarah on the call, no priming words.

8:14What if instead you thought what's the warmest and most competent thing about both Sarah and the person I'm introducing to? And you say, Hey, I'd love you to meet Sarah. She's been leading our marketing team for 10 years. We are so lucky to have her. She's a gem, lucky gem leader. That is the perfect balance of warmth and competence and you are gifting that to both Sarah, the person you're turning to and yourself.

8:47I have a brand new book called make money easy. And if you're looking to create more financial freedom in your life, you want abundance in your life and you want to stop making money hard in your life, but you want to make it easier, you want to make it flow, you want to feel abundant, then make sure to go to makemoneyeasybook.com right now and get yourself a copy. I really think this is going to help you transform your relationship with money this moment moving forward. We have some big guests and content coming up. Make sure you're following and stay tuned to this episode of the Daily Motivation Show.

9:28Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation, and I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. That will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on The School of Greatness. And if you are loving The Daily Motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcast right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

10:18Again, have an amazing day, and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.

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