Want to Achieve ANYTHING? Develop These 4 ESSENTIAL Relationship Traits | Keith Ferrazzi EP 624

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

0:12Now, did you have any mentors growing up as well that supported you with some of these things? Or was it all like, you just... You know, I actually, that's a good question. Because to me, mentorship is a very misunderstood idea. Most people think of mentors as, you know, let's find a guy like Louis here who we look up to and would like to aspire to be. And please, you know, allow me to learn everything at your feet. Right. Which doesn't work. Well, I don't know if it works or not, but the bottom line is you are a mentor. The lunch that we had together, you coming up to my house, what I learned from your podcast, from your work, teaches me something.

0:48And I need to find a group of people in my life constantly that I'm learning from. They're my mentors. I don't try to rest too much weight in any one individual. Our job is to create a set a roadmap of individuals in our lives through whom we learn. Right. And I just started a new I was just chatting with you about a second ago. I started a new high tech mobile enterprise software company. Yes. Right. I am so out of my own. But, you know, I'm raising money. I'm hiring individuals. I'm coming up with strategy. I'm building a sales force. I'm doing a lot of the stuff I know how to do. A lot of stuff I don't know how to do.

1:26I am finding mentors left and right. It's survival. So mentorship to me is about relational learning and if you think about it that way then you then you don't have a mentor. You have many mentors around your learning roadmap. What is relational learning? What does that actually mean? Relational learning is just that. You figure out, all right, what are my goals in life? You've got plenty of goals in your life. We've talked about these. At lunch I remember that great conversation we had. And then what you do is you assign to your goals, a relationship action plan. And a relationship action plan, as I teach in Neveread alone, had to do with who are the individuals that will open up opportunity for me, right?

2:05That's great. But then the next question is, who are the individuals that'll teach me the stuff I need to do to be successful once I get there and on my way to getting there? That's a distinct relationship map. You have the opportunity relationship map. Who's going to get me that job? Who's going to introduce me to the network that I need? Who's going to help me get clients opportunity network huge and then the relational learning network is separate right and i think both are critical to be curated what's more important getting the foot in the door or yes yes right i mean because if if you if you show up as an empty suit without the intellectual curiosity without the inquisitive questions which i and learn from those the learning roadmap individuals the relational individual learning uh roadmap it the answer is yes like i mean look i I guess I would rather get a shot at the job if I had to choose one or the other.

2:57The opportunity roadmap is critical. But I have to tell you, you'll never exceed, you'll never grow. And then the third set of relationships which we've talked about are the lifelines that actually go one step deeper. It's not about knowledge acquisition. It's about butt-kicking accountability. It's that small group of people, those lifeline relationships as I talk about in Who's Got Your Back, that won't let you fail. Right? So for us to achieve anything we want to achieve in our life, we've got to have the opportunity, we've got to have the knowledge and the wisdom, but then we have to have the chutzpah, the push, the drive, the accountability, that frankly most of us will fail ourselves and need somebody else for butt-kicking.

3:38Yeah, exactly. And the challenge I see with most people is that they don't have a support group or an accountability group or a mastermind or whatever you want to call it. So how does someone first find that and figure out who the right people are, that aren't going to suck the energy from them, but are also going to give and take at the same time. Look, it's trial and error. When I wrote Who's Got Your Back, there's a chapter in it that talks about the long, slow dinner. And, you know, I think by the time we're done here, in a short period of time, I want everybody who's watching us to have a relationship action plan.

4:07So, you know, as we're sitting here, scribble down your goals. And next to every goal, start writing three to five people's names critical to achieving those goals, right? That's the opportunity group. Then I want you to ask yourself, who to achieve my goal do I want to learn from? Write those names down. Then start imagining who are the people that I could trust around four core characteristics of a lifeline relationship. And frankly, all relationships, but the tightest ones have to have four things. Number one is intimacy to the point of vulnerability. Can I tell you when, you know, I'm really feeling weak?

4:46Can I tell you when I'm up against the wall? intimacy to the point of vulnerability second is generosity do I really want to help you and do you really want to help me do we do we care enough to help generosity candor will you tell me the truth right most intimate critical relationships lie to each other and they shouldn't sure candor in and conflict avoidance is horrible why do they lie to each other because they just don't want to make each other feel bad vacation they think that that's their role to make each other feel good. Look, I mean, I think a lot of it is that people don't realize that relationships need to be leaned on.

5:21The relationships aren't scarce, that they're a lot of people are conflict avoidant out of psychological fear of abandonment. I mean, there's a lot of insecurities and fear that drive our relational behaviors. And I have to say that conflict avoidance has to be one of the most It's erosive, erosive elements of organization and human society. So the fourth is accountability, right? But candor and accountability together make a high-performing relationship. What I would do is I would list three people that you have a strong enough relationship with now. You and I, frankly, you and I have a perfectly reasonable and strong enough relationship.

5:59I call it a level two relationship. If you want to go to a lifeline, which is like in my world a three plus, what you're going to do is you're going to go out and have a long slow dinner you're going to take your armor off and you're going to say here's what I want to do here's what I'm afraid of and here's how I think I'm going to get there what do you think and see how the person responds do they respond with candor do they respond with intimacy do they let their guards down do they respond with accountability at the end of the dinner are they saying to you dude let's talk next week because I think you should do these two or three things and I'm going to hold you accountable for them, damn it.

6:38Now, if after the dinner, they don't call you the following week, then maybe they're not the right person to be your lifeline.

6:49Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation. And I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. That will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on the School of Greatness. And if you are loving the daily motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

7:44Again, have an amazing day, and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.