Why 'Me Over Us' Is Destroying Your Relationship | Dr. John Delony

0:02Zach, nice vacation spot, but without T-Mobile 5G home internet, it's scary here. Don't open it. Relax. I ordered T-Mobile 5G home internet with same-day delivery powered by DoorDash. Nothing to be afraid of. We're saved. Get T-Mobile 5G home internet delivered the same day, powered by DoorDash. Just 35 bucks a month with auto pay and a voice line. Plus taxes and fees. Same-day delivery for most internet-eligible customers. See if it's an option during checkout. Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

0:41We've clipped all of the common strings that bind us together with a common story. For however long you think the earth has been around, our relationship to our gods told us what we're going to wear what your role is what whose job is what job what what our values are what you do and don't do there's been tons of oppression i'm not saying it's all great i'm just saying that's the way it works and then we cut all the strings none of that's real guys if it can't be randomized control double blind studied it's not real it doesn't exist. And so as beings created to worship, whether you're an atheist or not, as beings created to be in service of something, if there's nothing to be in service of other than the self, then you are the supreme ruler of your world.

1:34You're the center of the universe. You're a pharaoh. You will bow before me. And we have a whole generation of people saying, no, you bow before me. No, no, no, you bow before me. Then you get chaos, which is what we have. instead of saying, what if we all just went to the moon? Can we figure that out? Let's do that. Let's go to the moon. And what if we said, how can I love you today? Instead of, this is just how I'm wired. I give answers. One of those ways you're going to end up sleeping outside by yourself. One of those ways creates warmth in your home, right? And so what do you want? Like, what do you want this thing to feel like?

2:07What are you doing, right? And I often ask this question, does that feel good? like a great quippy response like great grenade sarcasm you know cynicism good job that feel good yeah did it is that what you're going for today do you feel powerful for a minute like what what are you what are we doing or do you want to be connected and you want to be whole yes you get to pick man connection wholeness peace i i believe comes from service and i believe first comes from service to self in creating wholeness, not neglecting self and being empty all the time and just only serving others and, and, you know, deflecting all of your needs to feeling peaceful and whole and healthy.

2:54Right. But then in that journey, giving to others, helping others, being of service, contributing to something greater than self, a mission, a vision, a family, a community, a goal, you know, going to the moon, whatever it is. believing in something and others and giving to them. And it's something for me that has really flipped in the last 10 years. 10 years ago, prior to 10 years ago, I was more about how do I look good? How do I win? How do I succeed? How do I be right as much as possible? And it was very unconscious. It wasn't like I was conscious of it. That's your body playing defense. And it was survival mechanism.

3:32It was like, I need to win. I need to be right. I need to make more. I need to look good. I need to have this image and ego, you know, shape the way I want it. And I just realized that wasn't a happy life for me. Maybe some moments that seemed happy, but it wasn't really fulfilling until I said, it's got to be collaboration over competition. And I can still compete in certain ways, but it can't be for someone to be less than. Yeah. Yeah. It needs to be for me to compete, to get better. Yeah. And serve better. Yeah. Um, but collaboration over competition service over self, that is what's brought me a lot more fulfillment.

4:13It doesn't mean it's always easy. There's challenges, but it's probably much more meaningful fulfillment. What do you think is the biggest cause of pain in relationships today? Me over us. Really? Yeah. Me over us, how I feel right now or how you made me feel not my body responded and you did this i need to deal with that or i've got some hard choices to make you did it you did it it's me over us i think um and this this would go back to the question you asked earlier um it was a watershed moment when i heard estelle pearl talk about um the 9-11 towers um analogy she was talking to a couple who had experienced infidelity and she said one of the greatest challenges couples experience is they want to i just want to get back to the way things were and she likened it to you couldn't go on september 12th and sweep up all that dust and glass and steel and rebuild those towers with that stuff they fell wow two choices you can walk away and let nature take it back over and it will or you can hire some experts You can excavate that.

5:22You can design, build, grieve, come together and build something beautiful, a nod to the past, but something going this way that's hopefully stronger, right? Those are your two choices, but what you had is over.

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7:13Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.

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