31 Life-Changing Lessons from Marcus Aurelius

0:00Ryan Holiday: Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast, designed to help bring those four key stoic virtues, courage, discipline, justice, and wisdom into the real world.

0:14Ryan Holiday: This book right here has been the guide for presidents and generals and leaders for almost 20 centuries. Theodore Roosevelt carried it with him as he explored a South American jungle. Frederick the Great took it into battle. Arnold Schwarzenegger says it shaped how he thinks. But the fascinating thing about it is it was never meant to be read by anyone. It was one man writing to himself. And that man happened to be the emperor of Rome, Marcus Aurelius, the most powerful person on the planet. And that's what we're going to talk about today, the best lessons from Marcus Aurelius' meditations, and most importantly, how to actually use them.

1:00Ryan Holiday: I think one of the reasons we have trouble with motivation is that we know deep down that this thing we're doing, it doesn't really matter. It's not important. That's why Marcus Rullis' question is so imperative. He says, ask yourself, is this essential? He says, because most of what we do and say and think is not essential. It's getting us further from where we want to go. It's something that society made up for us. It's just what everyone else is doing. It's piddly busy work. You know, he says, are you really afraid of death because you won't be able to do this thing anymore? Right. He's saying that we waste our time with frivolous, unimportant, meaningless things.

1:35Ryan Holiday: So he says, when you ask yourself, you end up eliminating the inessential. And then he says, you get this double benefit of doing the essential things better. But I would say that the real benefit is that if we only have a finite amount of motivation, if getting up the motivation, if maintaining motivation is this difficult task, Well, then we want to save it for the precious few things that really matter, right? What's the main thing for you? You eliminate the things that are not the main thing. And then that marshals more resources, more energy, more motivation for the things that are the main thing.

2:08If everything is this battle between the higher self and the lower self, right? If you're exhausting that resource, battling for things that don't matter, that you don't actually care about, that you could say no to, right?

2:21Ryan Holiday: you're going to have to have so much more motivation than someone who has winnowed down their frame of reference, their to-do list, only to the things that truly matter, that truly are essential. Marcus Aurelius had a lot to complain about. A lot goes wrong. He doesn't meet with the good fortune that he deserved. He's betrayed. He's misled. People lie to him. People try to take things from him. He has a job that he doesn't even want. And yet nowhere in meditations, what he thinks is his private diary that no one is going to read, we never once see him complain about any of it. He doesn't complain about being unappreciated, doesn't complain about being abused, he doesn't complain about being put upon, he doesn't complain about the stress, he doesn't do any of it.

3:03Ryan Holiday: Because as he says in meditations, we should never be overheard complaining, not even to ourselves. There's a secret to not getting upset, to not getting angry, to not getting offended, to not being bothered, to focus and to concentration. And it's simple. It comes to us from Marcus Aurelius, the great Roman emperor. He said, you always have the power to have no opinion. He says, things are not asking to be judged by you. Don't turn this into something. The fewer opinions you have, the fewer judgments you make, the more you're able to just leave things as they are, the happier you will be, the more productive you will be, the more focused you will be, and the easier you will be to get along with.

3:49This one is fitting here as the ocean crashes behind me.

3:52Ryan Holiday: He says, to be like the rock that the waves keep crashing over, it stands unmoved and the raging of the sea falls still around it. Right, stoicism is not the absence of emotion but it is about that even keel not getting too high and not getting too low it's actually funny you know the buddhists have a different image they talk about if you grabbed a cup of water from the ocean or a river or a lake it would be hard to see at first but if you let it sit for a second eventually it would settle down and that water would become clear that's what marcus aurelius is talking about the world is going to be noisy the world is going to be loud a lot of things are going to happen but if you take a minute if you pause and reflect you give things a second to settle down.

4:33Ryan Holiday: If you don't get lifted up by them or dragged down by them, eventually you get to a level set, a kind of point of clarity. And in a way, that's what Marcus Aurelius is doing in meditations itself. Whenever you're anxious, whenever you're worried, whenever you're stressed out, whenever you're doubting, you know what you're doing? You're extrapolating. And the ancient Stoics would say that extrapolation is the enemy. Marcus Aurelius tried to remind himself when his kids got sick. He said, my kid is sick. I don't need to tell myself they're going to die from it. He says, you can't let your life be crushed by your imagination as a whole.

5:06You can't picture every bad thing that could possibly happen. You have to stick with what's in front of you. You have to stick with what is in your control. The anxiety is not being caused by the external thing, the Stoics would say. The anxiety is within us. We are the common variable between all the things that worry us, between all the things that upset us, between all the things that convince us the world is ending. We are the common variable. We are bringing ourselves our opinions. We are projecting our feelings onto objective events. So stop doing that. Stop extrapolating. Focus on what's in front of you.

5:40Stick with idea and action and utterance, the Stoics say. That is plenty to keep you busy. Getting up early is no fun. It's hard every single time.

5:49Ryan Holiday: I don't enjoy it while I am doing it, but I am almost always glad after that I did. One of the most famous passages in Mark Starelius' meditations is him struggling to do precisely that. He says, at dawn, when you awake and you have trouble getting out of bed, he says, you have to tell yourself, I was meant to do things. I have to get after it. And then he says, but it's so much warmer here under the covers. And indeed, it is. It's nicer there. But he says, is that what you were put here to do, to huddle under the covers? Is that what you were put here to do, to feel nice? No, you were meant for something more than that.

6:20And by the way, you know what's nicer than staying in bed? What you experience in the morning, when it's quiet out, when the sun is coming out, when you're the only one on the trail, when you're the only one on the road, when you've got quiet time to focus and work or read or spend time with people you love, that's amazing. So getting up early is hard, sure, but you'll be glad that you did it. Trying hard things, focusing, getting after stuff, that's hard, but you'll be glad you did it after.

6:46Ryan Holiday: Concentrate like a Roman, Marcus Arreola says. Concentrate on doing the thing in front of you as if it was the last thing you were doing in your life. I think about that pretty often. It's the idea of, it's not that you're gonna die tomorrow for sure, but that it could be the last time you send this email. It could be the last time you have this conversation. It could be the last time that I sit down to write or that I sit down to make a video. So am I gonna be fully present? Am I gonna concentrate? Am I gonna do my job? Am I gonna meet the standards of my people, of my profession, of my family, whatever it is?

7:16Ryan Holiday: Am I gonna concentrate like a Roman? Am I gonna do it like this thing matters? like I might not get another opportunity to do it. To me, that's the test. That's the standard to try to meet every day that you are lucky enough to be alive. You're being crazy letting them determine whether you did a good job or not, whether you're happy or not, whether you're a success or not. Marksworth says ambition is tying your happiness to what other people do and say and think. Sanity, he says, is tying it to your own actions. Like when I work on my books, the writing of the book is up to me. How it does on the bestseller list, what people think about it, what the review's saying, and that isn't up to me.

7:50So my definition of success is an internal one. I'm focused on the parts of it I control. Do I want other people to like it and care about it? Sure, I guess it's nice to have, but it's extra. It's not why I do it, because to need it is to be insane and of course, incredibly vulnerable.

8:07Ryan Holiday: Like a lot of people, I have a tendency to overwork, to overdo, to overcommit, to take things too intensely. Mark Surrealis warns himself against this in meditations, and it's stuck with me always. He says, in your actions, don't procrastinate. In your conversations, don't confuse. In your thoughts, don't wander. In your soul, don't be passive or aggressive. In your life, don't be all about business. Don't be all about business. When Marcus Aurelius talks about taking Plato's view in meditations, what view is he talking about? We don't know the tallest peak that Marcus Aurelius ever gets to, but he might have been talking about something like this.

8:41I'm on the hill next to the Acropolis, which is right there. and you think about how unique that perspective of getting the bird's eye view would have been in the ancient world. But up here, you get up and you see how tiny everything is, right? Even the Acropolis looks small behind me. Here's an ancient tombstone, right? From another hill, you see the insignificance of something like that, how it blends in with all the others. But you also see how on top of each other everyone is, how interconnected human beings are. You could could have looked out here to the Aegean Sea and thought about how small even Xerxes fleet was as it amassed off the coast.

9:18Mark Surrealis talks about taking Plato's view for the same reason that astronauts talk about the overview effect. When they see the earth as a blue marble, suddenly borders fall away and petty ambitions fall away. And what's left, the astronauts tell is a sense of global consciousness, of interconnection, of peace and stillness. We have to actively cultivate this. Again, in the ancient world, they didn't have the luxury of staring out of the window of an airplane or hitting the button in an elevator and getting way up there. No, they had to make a hike like this. They had to do a climb like this.

9:53But to get up there and imagine Marcus Aurelius is looking down on Athens, the city he admired his whole life, even though he's the emperor of Rome, All he wanted to do was come to Greece. He comes to Greece and he's looking down and suddenly this ancient civilization, this formerly huge empire would have looked very puny to him, very insignificant to him. He would have realized how many thousands of people had made the same trek up the same hill, how many tombs and crypts and memorials and monuments and statues there were up and down and how they all blend together into a kind of insignificance when you get at it from the right angle.

10:27And what's left is just human beings. what's left is society. That's all you see from this angle and that being the most important thing. Look, a person can change but people, people don't change. You can change but the world, the world abideth forever. It is undefeated. It is exactly the same as it ever was and ever will be. This is what we see in Mark Sturrilous' meditations is his complaints about humanity are the exact same complaints we have today. People complain. People are dishonest. People are jealous. People are lazy. People are loud. People are people, right? We've been waiting on the world to change for a very long time, and it doesn't.

11:10This is why Mark Sreelius reminds himself, don't go around expecting Plato's Republic. That's not where you live. That's not how things work. This isn't about being cynical, but in deciding not to be naive, we are setting ourselves up actually to be less cynical, right? The problem is our expectation. The problem is our false hope. The problem is our delusions. And when they get shattered, then we get bitter and resentful. This isn't to say that you shouldn't try. This isn't to say that we can't make a difference. This isn't to say that we ourselves can't be a bright light amidst the darkness.

11:43No, that's actually the whole point. The world is going to stay the same, but we can change. We can improve. And still, wisdom has to remind us that for the most part this impact is going to be infinitesimal.

11:55Ryan Holiday: Most of all we can't take this personally. Most of all we shouldn't set ourselves up for disappointment or disillusionment. Don't stay up waiting for the world to change. It's not going to. If you want to see change, you have to be changed. Strict with others, tolerant with yourself. That was Marcus Aurelius's rule. They didn't just write this in meditations, he lived by it. One of his biographers wrote that What was so great about Marcus Rios is that his severity was limited solely to himself. One of Lincoln's aides said something similar. He said, you know, Lincoln didn't expect perfection of anyone.

12:27Ryan Holiday: He didn't even expect of them the same high standards he had for himself. We have to understand it's called self-discipline for a reason. It's our standards. It's our rules. It's our potential we're trying to live up to. It's not a weapon we bear against others, right? Our Our discipline should be limited to ourselves, our choices, our actions, our habits, our expectations. And when we see other people falling short of our standards or their standards, we want to be forgiving. We want to be tolerant. We want to be helpful. We want to be encouraging. That's what self-discipline is about.

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14:53Ryan Holiday: Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Less time, less stress, more results. When you need the right person to cut through the chaos, this is a job for Indeed-sponsored jobs. And listeners of this show get a$75 sponsored job credit to help get your job the premium status it deserves at Indeed.com. That's Indeed.com right now. And support the show by saying you heard about it on this podcast. Indeed.com. Terms and conditions apply. A couple of years ago, I lost one of the most valuable things in the world to me. It was my copy of Marcus Aurelius' Meditations.

15:31Ryan Holiday: I was on a flight from London to Vancouver, and I left it in the seat pocket of an Air Canada flight. The reason that my copy of Meditations is so valuable is that it has 20 years of notes, 20 years of highlights, 20 years of me coming back to the same ideas over and over again. Mark Stabilius is clearly fond of the philosopher Heraclitus, but one of the lines from Heraclitus is the idea that we never step in the same river twice. And so it goes with reading the same book, even though this book is the same as it was when it first arrived on my doorstep all those years ago. Every time I come to it, I'm a new person.

16:09Ryan Holiday: The world is different. What I know is different. What I'm looking for is different. And so I find something new out of it each time. So I've gotten so much out of this edition, which I've read. And thankfully, a lovely flight attendant returned it to Lost and Found. And I was able to get it. And this book came back to me. But I have many other editions. My point is there are certain books that grow with you, that change with you, that aren't books that you have read, but they are books that you are reading. And Meditations, I think, is the ultimate book of that. And here this month is the month of Marcus Aurelius' birth.

16:44Ryan Holiday: If you haven't read Meditations yet, I don't know what you're waiting for. There's a reason this book has endured over the last 20 centuries. There's a reason it's endured even in my own life over the last two decades. And if you haven't picked it up yet, you're missing out. it's unfortunate that this happened you didn't want it to happen you didn't choose for it to happen but it did happen mark surrealist writes that to himself in meditations it's unfortunate that this happened but then he catches himself and he goes no it's fortunate that it happened to me it means that i think in part because it didn't happen to someone else but what he really means is fortunate that it happened to me because he trained for stuff like this right mark surrealist reign is one difficult thing after another there's a plague there's floods there's a coup there's economic problems there there's everything that could go wrong does and he's talking of those we said it's unfortunate this happened no it's fortunate to me and he says and i've remained unharmed by it because that's what stoic philosophy is about this idea that we're not harmed by external things we respond to those external things that's what we control that's what we focus on so whatever it is that you're going through whatever just happened it's not unfortunate that it happened to you it's fortunate that it happened to you instead of someone else and it's fortunate that you know how to deal with it.

17:54Ryan Holiday: At his most vulnerable moment Marcus Aurelius was betrayed. He was sick, he was struggling, people didn't know if he would survive or not, and one of his trusted generals, Avidius Cassius, declares himself emperor. This not only is a betrayal of their relationship, it puts Marcus Aurelius and his family in grave danger. So Marcus had every reason to be angry, to be scared, to seek revenge, and he doesn't. In fact, he uses it as this opportunity. He says to teach future Roman generations how to deal with civil strife. He demands there be no persecutions. He implores the Senate not to stain his reign with blood.

18:30Ryan Holiday: It's a beautiful thing, but it's not really the point. When Marcus Aurelius talks in meditations about revenge, about betrayal, he's not just talking about this theoretically or abstract. He knew it intimately, just as you might know it from being cheated on or having a business partner who stole from you. We know what it means when someone we trust takes from us or hurts us. But Marcus really says you can't let this break or change you. He says the best revenge is to not be like that. Elsewhere in meditations he riffs on how like if you're in the ring, if you're in the boxing ring with someone and they're cheating, they're gouging or throwing low blows, you can't just quit boxing altogether.

19:08Ryan Holiday: You have to change your strategy around that person but you can't let it make you quit, right? And so Marcus knew what it was to be betrayed, but he knew he didn't control what other people did. He knew how he controlled how he would respond, whether it would make him bitter, whether it would make him betray his values to get revenge, whether he would allow himself to be overwhelmed by his anger and rage and do something that he would later regret. So we don't control what other people do. We don't control that they can be dishonest or sneaky or manipulative or Machiavellian, but we control who we are in a world where those things can happen.

19:44Ryan Holiday: The people you admire aren't perfect. They screw up. They get rattled. They make mistakes. They fall short of their values. What makes them great, though, is how quickly they're able to get back to it, how quickly they're able to return to their principles, how quickly they're able to get back on track, which is actually something Mark Sturlus talks about in a meditation. This is one of my favorite passages. He said, and this is book 611, when jarred unavoidably by circumstances, revert at once to yourself and don't lose the rhythm more than you can help it. You'll have a better grasp of the harmony if you keep going back to it.

20:15Ryan Holiday: The point is, it's okay that you screwed up. It's normal that you screwed up. It's human that you screwed up, but you don't have to keep screwing up. What matters is how quickly you get back to it. If you want to live in good times, you have to do good things. We don't control what's happening in the world around us. We don't control what other people are doing. We don't control the economy. We don't control the government. we don't control the weather we don't control the zeitgeist but we control what we do we control who we are in mark srielis's meditations mark srielis is lamenting all the shitty things that are happening around him and there was a lot he's living through a plague he's living through a famine he's living through a civil war he has health problems his marriage is struggling he says you know i was once a fortunate man but at some point fortune abandoned me but then he stops the pity party and he says you know what no good fortune is up to me he says it's good intentions good character and good deeds if you want to live in good times do good things that's where we find hope that's where we find bright lights that's where we find something to be inspired by in our own choices in our own actions because that's the one thing we control marcus aurelius clearly hated all the flatterers and sycophants and hangers-on that came with power.

21:35Ryan Holiday: He talks about it repeatedly in meditations, but the thing he hated most was the people who would say things in passing like, I'm going to be honest with you. Let me be straight with you. Let me tell you what I really think. He said to say those things was actually a confession, self-indictment. People should know you're going to be honest. He said an honest person should be like the smelly goat in the room. You should know they're there the second they walk in. When you preface your thing with, let me tell you what I really think, or here's the truth, you're admitting that that's not the norm.

22:03Ryan Holiday: That's not what you normally do. And nobody had to think that about Marcus. In fact, from an early age, Marcus Aurelius was named Verismus, or the truest one. And we think that's because he was so unflinchingly truthful with Hadrian, his adopted grandfather, the most powerful man in Rome. Marcus just told him what he thought. He didn't hold back. And neither can you. Marcus Aurelius, one of the great leaders of all time, what advice does he have for aspiring leaders for leaders today? Number one, don't be changed by your position. He says tries to escape being imperialized, being dyed purple by the emperor's cloak.

22:36Ryan Holiday: He learns from Antoninus to listen to experts and when not to listen to experts. He is convinced that the power he's been given has to be used for good. He says we're here for each other. He says know what is enough, right? To be craving more and more and more always brings about ruin. He says that you have to tie your success to your effort, to tie your ambition to what other people say or do. He says this is insanity and it will ruin you and break you. And then finally, he says you have to do the right thing. The rest doesn't matter. That's the job of a leader. You have to make the hard decisions.

23:10Ryan Holiday: Sometimes you're going to piss people off. Sometimes you're going to have to hurt a few feelings, but the leader does the right thing because it's the right thing. End of story. Bill Belichick, greatest football coach in history, He tells his players, do your job. Marcus Reyes asks himself that same question in meditation. He says, what is my vocation? It says, to be a good person. That's the job at the end of the day, to be a good person, to do good things, to make a positive difference in the world for yourself and the people around you. I was talking earlier about how Marcus Reyes said that like we're soldiers storming a wall, you have to be able to ask for help.

23:42Ryan Holiday: He says, so what if you ask for help? I think this is really important, especially again, when we're lonely, when we're struggling, We feel like we can't do something. We feel like we're out of our element or whatever. You have to be able to ask for help. There's a book I like to read my kids called The Boy, the Fox, the Horse, and the Mole. And he says something like, asking for help isn't giving up, it's refusing to give up. Whether you just got out of the military, you just moved across the country, you were part of some group, you were part of a community, and now that's not there. Now you're struggling.

24:11Ryan Holiday: You were in a marriage, that marriage fell apart, gotten clean recently, and your old friends, your old haps, they don't work anymore. that's gonna require adjustment and change. And it takes a lot of courage to ask for help, but you have to be able to do that. You have to be willing to put yourself out there. And help doesn't mean, hey, I need you to do all this stuff for me. It could be like, hey, I'm going to do this thing. Do you wanna come with me? I would appreciate it if you came with me. Asking for help, reaching out, putting yourselves out there. You know, courage isn't just like what you do in a military campaign.

24:40Ryan Holiday: Courage isn't just betting your life on some big idea. Courage is also saying, I don't know how to do something, saying I don't think I know how to do something, saying I need help to do something. It's a mistake if we conflate stoicism with solitariness, with independence, with a lack of connection, with an inability to ask for help. In fact, the Stoics would tell you to be brave enough to do that very thing. Mark Sturlus could have been talking about his ill health, could have been talking about bad weather. He could have been talking about the noisy streets in the city below. We just know that what he was trying to do is accept what wasn't in his control and focus on what was in his control, which is what he was going to do about it, what was going to come of it.

25:24Ryan Holiday: And then related to that is something I've come to understand as basically the most key of the Stoic practices. Marx says, OK, convince yourself that this has been prescribed by a doctor. He says, now convince yourself that it was a gift of the gods, that this is good, that things are good now and they always will be. Easy to be grateful when everything is going great. It's easy to be excited and happy about things when things are exciting and you are happy. The work is, can you do that even in the shit? Can you do that even when stuff sucks? Can you do it even when things are hard? That's what stoicism is.

25:59If I was going to put a curse on someone, I think a curse I might put on them is that you are going to have very strong opinions about everything you see and hear, about everything that people do, about everything that people say. This is a recipe for misery, for torture, for endless distraction, for missing the things that are actually important. This is why in meditations Mark Sebelius reminds himself that we always have the power to have no opinion, that we don't have to let certain things upset us, that we can ask ourselves, is this thing essential? Is this something that I should be focused on?

26:32Does it really matter? So this isn't apathy. This isn't, you know, sort of checking out, but it is saying, hey, is this thing important? Does this actually matter? Is this a distraction? Is this something they're trying to get in my head about, right? And the ability to put those aside and focus on what truly matters on what's actually essential, that is a superpower. And that is the way out of the curse that we would wish on our enemy. We want our opponents to be endlessly bogged down in every single little trivial thing while we focus on what's actually important and where we can actually make a difference you might not want things to be

27:07Ryan Holiday: this way you wouldn't have chosen them to be this way but they are this way mark's really says let us accept it as if a doctor prescribed it the point is this is the medicine you got to take this is the hand you've been dealt this is the situation you are in and when marx really says is he could have been talking about the pandemic that he lived in, the stresses of his job, the children that he had buried. All of it was. Wasn't fair, wasn't fun, but it was. That's what stoicism is when it talks about acceptance. It doesn't mean you passively lay there and do nothing else, but it means you accept that this is what has happened.

27:45Ryan Holiday: This is what the doctor has prescribed for you. And now the question is, what are you going to do next? One thing that's never changed about the world is how much of it's out of our control. 2 ,000 years ago it was largely out of the control of all the Stoics. Even Marcus Aurelius, the most powerful man in the world, most things are not in his control. And when things are out of our control, we have a way we'd like things to go. We know they might not go that way. What does that create? That creates anxiety. And so for thousands of years the Stoics have been dealing with this thing that you and I are still dealing with today.

28:17We get nervous, we worry, we have anxiety, we have fears and dread. Mark Surrealis in meditations talks about how he had a good day because he escaped anxiety. Then he actually corrects himself. He goes, actually, no, I didn't escape it. I discarded it because it was within me. He's noticing, he's realizing that he is the common variable in all the situations that cause him anxiety, just as you are. Anxiety is within us.

28:40Ryan Holiday: We want to work on it and think about it so it doesn't rule our lives or ruin our lives. One of the things Mark Surrealis talks about in meditations over and over again is seeing what's really there. He says, not what your enemy sees and hopes that you'll see, but what's actually there. And I think we could take this to mean see the good and see the bad, right? See what's truly there, to see it as clearly as possible. Not the thing that people want you to see and get depressed about and quit or afraid of. And at the same time, not to see it delusionally or in some exaggerated way, but to see what is actually there.

29:14Ryan Holiday: That's what stoicism is about. And I think this is super relevant in this time of like terrible news, right? To see what's actually in front of you, the good and the bad, to not inflate it and also not diminish it, but to see what's actually there. That is the task of our time. It's kind of crazy if you think about it. We all know ourselves better than other people. We all know what we're trying to do. We all know who we are. And yet for some reason, we're like a weather vane. We let public opinion or trends decide what we like. We let the criticism or the potential criticism of others decide what direction we go with our life.

29:48Ryan Holiday: It's so absurd that Cyril Connolly, trying to take it to its logical extreme, said, There are people who are afraid even to kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors might think. That's why I love this passage in Book 12 of Meditations. Marcus Rios, the most powerful man in the world, the person who really had no reason to care about what anyone else thought, and yet to do his job well needed to understand public opinion. He said, it never ceases to amaze me. We all love ourselves more than other people, but care about their opinion more than our own. If a God appeared to us, he said, or a wise human being even, and prohibited us from concealing our thoughts or imagining anything without immediately shouting it, we wouldn't make it through a single day.

30:26Ryan Holiday: That's how much we value other people's opinions instead of our own. It's not that we shouldn't care at all what other people think. We should just care a whole lot less. I lived in this little apartment here in New Orleans with my now wife more than 10 years ago. And one of the things I think about when I think about when I lived here was how different a person I was. Not just because time has passed, but all the changes that I've undergone. The Stoics talk about how everything has changed. Mark Suriel is quoting Heraclitus as, we never step in the same river twice. I'm a fundamentally different person standing here now.

30:56Ryan Holiday: My relationship with my wife is fundamentally different. We're always changing just as the world is changing, even though this building is like 200 plus years old. Everything about it is different. It's different me visiting today than when I visited five years ago. It was different than the day I moved in. And so if you try to hold on to your relationship, you try to make it the same as it always was, you're missing what it could become. And I'm so much happier now than I was then, which is why I try to be fluid and flexible and adjust. Even though you also try to be disciplined and principled and systematized in what you do, you have to embrace change.

31:29Ryan Holiday: You have to grow because if you're not growing, you're dying. I don't think that's what you want. Mark's really didn't like people. You can't read meditations and not see this. He opens meditations with a meditation on how frustrating and obnoxious other people are. And even this idea, this idea of the obstacle is the way, that quote is him talking about other people, about how people get in our way, how people present obstacles. But he says that in that obstacle, there's an opportunity to actually practice this philosophy that you say you believe, to be good in spite of other people, to be just in the face of injustice, justice to be temperate in the face of intemperance that's being rewarded to be courageous when everyone else is being cowardly and being rewarded for it for the Stoics people are frustrating people are an obstacle but like all obstacles they're also the way there's something challenge we can rise to meet we can be better for wrestling with other people's difficulties so don't resent people use them to become better one of the big stoic shifts is realizing that posthumous fame is worthless.

32:32Ryan Holiday: Right? Marcus Aurelius was incredibly famous in his own lifetime. They built statues of him. These statues were in people's houses. He was the head of an empire of millions and millions of people. He would have known that the deeds of other emperors and conquerors had lasted throughout history. But he also stops himself and goes, wait, they're not around to enjoy that. You know, what good is it to Alexander that Alexandria is still named after him? Right? And in fact, in meditations, Marcus Rios says, Alexander the Great and his mule driver, they both died, both entered the earth in the same way.

33:04Ryan Holiday: His point was that how many people remember just a couple emperors before him? He says, who remembers now the name of Vespasian? And he lists not just the emperor, but influential advisors, the celebrities of that time. And he says, they're all forgotten. And his point is, is not just that most of us, even the famous people, even people like Marcus, are inevitably forgotten, right? We might be talking about him here in this video, but most people just know him as the old guy in the movie gladiator if anything at all but he says also he says the people in the future are not magically going to be smarter or better than the people are now right so this idea that you're going to be vindicated by the future is also an empty and a silly hope and again even if you are vindicated in the future it won't do you any good because you won't be around to enjoy it so do what's right now because it's right because you want to do it.

33:53Ryan Holiday: Don't do it because you're trying to build this legacy for the future. Don't defer the love of your family. Don't defer being present. Don't defer your health, right, because you're striving to make this thing that's going to last for eternity. It won't. And even if it does, what good will that do? This is one of the most powerful passages in one of the most powerful books ever written. 2 ,000 years ago, the emperor of Rome, a person that many believed was a god, that believed was immortal, that they believed had so much power that no one and nothing could touch him. We have Marcus Aurelius writing in his famous meditations in book 221.

34:30Ryan Holiday: He says, you could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think. He writes over and over again in meditations. We see him doing this memento mori practice, remembering that he is mortal, remembering that life is ephemeral, that life is short, that we are not in control, that we don't get to decide. And so we can't take this present moment for granted. We can't take our health for granted. We can't take other people around us for granted. We can't take the future for granted. He says, you could be good today. Instead, you choose tomorrow. Don't put it off. Do what you need to do now because you could leave life right now.

35:07Ryan Holiday: Let that determine what you do and say and think.