BONUS | Matthew McConaughey’s Advice on Handling Difficult People

0:05Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast, where each day we bring you a Stoic inspired meditation designed to help you find strength and insight and wisdom into everyday life. Each one of these episodes is based on the 2 ,000-year-old philosophy that has guided some of history's greatest men and women to help you learn from them, to follow in their example, and to start your day off with a little dose of courage and discipline and justice and wisdom. For more, visit dailystoic.com.

0:55Was there something you wrote that didn't end up in the book or something that was really hard to relive to rewrite? there's a few things that and i'll uh try and say this the right way with the some of the age group um there's a few things in the beginning like i said i have this i have this happened to be that i purposefully made it one line and said there's a great story there but i'm not writing that story because that'll be the headline i'm not writing that story because someone will put that line in bold print and that is not what this book is about so i personally held back on some certain things and they're really good stories but i knew being in my position being a celebrity that would have been a headline and it would have been the lead for a lot of the conversations and i would and i would have gotten tired of going uh-uh that's not what the book's about you didn't got to get past that point that would have been it was two page six news and so there were things i was conscious of i was like uh don't give them that even though it's a great story hold that one back because you don't want anyone leading with that and that is what they'll lead with i was going to ask you about that because there's something i saw you on the view and they tried to ask you a question and you could tell that what they were trying to get was a sound bite that would either uh that would preemptively end the prospects of a political career before it started yep and i i that restraint that ability to to think hey instead of going off the cuff here i'm I'm going to dodge this trap, which it was, which so often that's what people are after.

2:30They want a sort of a gotcha thing or, you know, in sports, like the reason people trash talk is they want you to overreact and get in trouble. But there's something I think stoic about going, hey, I see what you're trying to do here. I'm not mad about it, but I'm not going to fall for it either. Well, I've done it long enough to not be mad about it. Yeah. Again, not to think it's unbelievable. I can't believe you asked that question. I'm always like, are there any questions off limits? i'm like no ask whatever you want yeah i understand now i have the right to go none of your business yeah next to any question yeah and to trust that pregnant pause though when someone asks you a question and i didn't even do it in that view i did retort i made up for it and re-contextualized your reposition but what's really cool is to just sit there and straight face and we go and let them get uncomfortable in the silence and let someone else bring up and uh by the way And then just go, he just, he just stared at me.

3:23He wasn't, he wasn't angry. He just breathed. He just sat there and like, but you get the silence. We all get a little uncomfortable in the silence. So you want to feel it. And I even, I did feel it, you know, but what would have really been cool, which I've done a few times is just sit there and go. When we live in a world now of social media where people aren't even asking you to weigh in, people are just unsolicitedly stepping in it. You know, like we just wake up and go, what's my hot take on this culture war issue that no one asked you about and then eight years later you're in trouble for it or regret it or what like i there's very few things that i have said while i'm upset that i'm like later i'm so glad i weighed in on that well there's also today with social media you are if somebody speaks up on something and and it takes an opinion on one side in the culture war or something or political if the tribe that you're around i'll jump on that bandwagon and you do not comment you're obviously yes yeah you're silent condemning your silence means you believe yeah the other or you disagree yeah and that's a that's a large leap too far totally and so then you get people you know right tweeting stuff that you're like i too condemned this you're like well duh who doesn't yeah you know I mean did you need to con did you did you need to say that because maybe we all thought you did think it was okay before it's getting right and so you're kind of jumping into that that game and I've tried to you know I tried to refrain from some of these things that you go there's a lot of context to this point that is needs more than 40 characters so let's not go on on on online and make a statement when tomorrow or 10 years from now or even longer, you're going to find out there was more of the story than you knew.

5:24Thanks to Toyota Trucks for sponsoring this episode. When I bought my ranch in 2015 out here in Baskerville County, I drove my car about halfway down the dirt road that we live on, thought this isn't going to work, stopped, parked it, walked the rest of the way home, borrowed my wife's car, drove into Austin, and bought a truck. What I bought was a Toyota Tacoma. And this truck wasn't just transportation getting me to and from my house. It unlocked a whole different style of living for us, not just on the ranch, but in our little Texas towns. There were places I could go now that I couldn't go before, especially out here in the piney forests, through the fields and on the unpaved roads like the one that I lived in.

6:10We got to go deep into the hill country's wild beauty. We've driven all the way out to East Texas. We've driven it across the country. And by we, I mean not just my wife, but both my kids who I drove home from the hospital in that truck. Toyota trucks are built for those who understand that the best adventures happen when you're willing to veer off course, because you never know when you'll end up on a Toyota adventure detour. And of course, this is stoicism too, because every detour, every obstacle is an opportunity. But it's helpful if you can handle the difficulty inherent in that. If you've got the resilience and the right companion to make it wherever the road takes you, discover your uncharted territory.

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8:30My question was kind of hijacked by you, Ryan. That's okay. I was going to ask what your secret was to dealing with difficult people, but I think you've already answered it. Dealing with difficult people? Yeah. Like how do you not let people get under your skin oh okay the first thing is i mean i write about in green life at least dumbest word in the dictionary unbelievable just quit being so like oh i can't believe they did that yeah they did it they do it all the time so just when somebody does something that gives you makes you go just not being it's like oh of course you did it happens all the time people are trying to all it so to not be surprised at all when that happens I think is a first the first thing and it makes it much less difficult it's just not difficult if you don't let it be difficult you measure because I want to sit there and believe I want to give I want to give more trust in a conversation even with a stranger I want to but I'm I want to be wise to understand that this conversation is not just between you and me right now Ryan it's right here and it's going wherever whoever's recording it's like be conscious of those things things um and you know you see people look some of them are very good at baiting but I've got it I've gotten pretty well seasoned in knowing just as I'm mid-sentence oh if I finish this the way I want to finish it that's going to be bold print so I'm going to keep talking and make sure I don't stop at the sense of period at the end so I can fill this out so they can't edit this down and now I've made context and saved my backside okay you know and so to be apparent uh be be to understand or aware that when you speak sometimes hits me in a middle of a sentence and i can tell oh that's going to be in bold print or i'll finish and i'll go just want to go on the record yeah please don't print that unless you print what i'm about to say now which is the other side of that story which i do back both together but that alone please don't burn me on that and they the press has been pretty good with me so far with that yeah really thinking about how the words you're going to say are going to be used or how they're going to be heard.

10:33I remember the first big profile of me in my work. There was a New York Times profile. And she was asking me, like, how do we know you're not writing about ancient philosophy to make money, which I thought was a funny question. And I said, you know, if you're shameless enough, you could sell anything to make money. And then I paused and I said, but why would I choose an obscure school of ancient philosophy if that's what i was you know after i was like there's better things i was like there's cryptocurrencies and drugs and you know there's other things you get down but of course none of that only the first part of the quote is there right right and so really thinking about how you i like your idea of just i'm not gonna i'm not gonna pause to allow this don't give me the edit point yeah don't give me the edit point yes and then you will many times i'll see things that are printed and i'll go no no watch the video yeah because you didn't get my jest or my context or that I was or that I led with that's actually what I heard from someone else or or you didn't get the the setup of the joke wasn't there yeah you know um so if you watch the video you can use you can usually see oh I see what they were they're at or they weren't finished with their sentence sure to go to your point about difficult people actually the the Mark's realist quote about how the obstacle is the way he's not talking about natural disasters or storms or traffic he's actually there's some ellipses in that quote.

11:57He's talking about difficult people. And he's saying that at the very least, difficult people are an opportunity for you to practice being a good person or to practice restraint or to practice forgiveness or to practice any number of the opportunities that they present you with their obnoxiousness or difficulty or rudeness. And oftentimes they're there to remind us of how we don't want to be. Yes, totally.

12:26Hey, it's Ryan. Thank you for listening to the Daily Stoic Podcast. I just wanted to say we so appreciate it. We love serving you. It's amazing to us that over 30 million people have downloaded these episodes in the couple of years we've been doing it. It's an honor. Please spread the word, tell people about it. And this isn't to sell anything. I just wanted to say thank you.

13:10We'll be right back.

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