Can You Make It This Long? | How Stoics Find Balance In Their Life

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2:34On Tuesdays, we take a closer look at these Stoic ideas, how we can apply them in our actual lives. Thanks for listening, and I hope you enjoy.

2:52can you make it this long we're supposed to put up with difficult people we're supposed to turn the other cheek we're supposed to find a way to smile through a tough situation we're supposed to be rational in a time of craziness and confusion we're supposed to be still despite the chaos. We're supposed to be grateful for all that life gives us. Okay, but for how long? What about this exception or that one? Are we supposed to hold this stance forever, even when it's not working, even when no one else is doing it? Don't worry about how long you'll go on doing this, Marcus Aurelius wrote to himself and to all of us struggling with this seemingly impossible ideal.

3:31A single afternoon would be enough, he said. Don't think about sustaining forgiveness and presence and grace and kindness and clarity and strength unbroken forever, because that isn't going to happen. The ideal is impossible. Perfection is unlikely, but certainly you are capable of it for an instant, for a moment, maybe for a couple of hours on a Tuesday. Focus on that. Try that. Build on that.

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5:03The key to the good life is balance. This is a critical stoic virtue, the virtue of temperance. Not too much, not too little, right? Knowing what to resist, what to persist in. It's all about balance. That's what virtue is. The right amount of the right thing at the right time.

5:24One of the most important concepts in all of ancient philosophy comes to us from Aristotle. He calls this the golden mean, right? Not too much, not too little. He says all virtues sit between two extremes, between two vices. So like here in Las Vegas, it's not that you would enjoy no pleasure. It's also not that you would take it so far, like hangover style excess. It's the right amount, right in the middle. For the Stoics, the name of this virtue was temperance, right? Moderation. So it's about finding the right amount. not too much, not too little, the right amount. Of course, there are some things for which there is no right amount, but whether you're in Las Vegas or New York City or you're going out with your friends, the idea is the right amount of pleasure.

6:04Because too much pleasure, taken too far, becomes its own kind of pain and punishment.

6:13There's a great story about Zeno, the founder of Stoicism. He's this successful merchant, he's leading a convoy of ships, and a storm hits or he runs aground, he suffers a terrible shipwreck. He loses everything and he washes up penniless in Athens. But he stumbles into a bookstore and there in the bookstore, he's introduced to philosophy and goes on to found stoicism. And he would say later, I made a great fortune when I suffered a shipwreck. He said, thus fortune did drive me to philosophy. The shipwreck is the best thing that ever happened to him. It shapes his life because he allows it to shape his life.

6:47So the point is this thing that's happening to you, this thing that you were fighting so hard that you wish hadn't happened, you have no idea where it will lead. You have no idea what you can make of it, but you've got to embrace it. You've got to accept it and you've got to turn it into something like Zeno did because you may well change the world because of it.

7:09Remember what the Stoics say that the whole world is a temple of the gods. I mean, look at that sunset. Look at this beach. Look at this life. Mark Sebelius says, just remember you're lucky to be alive, to be alive in this moment. Even if things are crazy and insane and awful in the world, they're also wonderful because you're getting to experience them. And to take that for granted, to be bitter or jaded or cynical about that, it's to waste this gift you've been given. And there's a reason they call it the present. It is a gift. Even if this is not the most wonderful time to be alive, It's the only time in which you are alive.

7:46So we focus on what we control, which is our perceptions, our opinion about things that we control, not when and where we are. We try to make the most of it. We try to accept it. We try to be grateful for it. And that's how we find happiness now in this present moment, no matter what's happening in the world.

8:06One thing that puts it all in perspective is our mortality, right? The fact that we're not going to be here forever. Very little is needed for a happy life, according to the Stokes. Musonius Rufus, one of the great Stokes, he's exiled four times. And what does he learn losing everything? He learns how much he was taking for granted. Yes, he misses Rome. He doesn't like being far away, but he reminds himself, did I actually experience Rome while I was there? He sort of noticed that he's like one of those people that lives in New York City and brags about all its amenities, but he never took advantage of them.

8:38And he realized that actually the simple life was better. The simple life was more philosophical. and that he needed very little to be happy, and that what he had was enough.

8:51People think that being smart is about brilliance. Keats said that genius is actually something called negative capability. He says it's the ability to have two contradictory thoughts in your mind at the same time. Smart people have to be able to deal with the ambiguities of the world. Sometimes people say that Marcus Aurelius contradicts himself. Yeah, he does, because the world contradicts itself. The reality is that different situations call for different things. Marcus Aurelius was famous for his ability to get good things out of bad people. Yes, this person's flawed. Yes, this person struggles with this.

9:21Yes, this person can't do this, but they can do this. I'm going to be able to use their strengths and ignore their weaknesses. The ability to deal with complexity, with contradictions, with paradox. This is the mark of a wise person. But it's more than just a mark of intelligence. Also the path to happiness. If you need everything to be simple, if you need it to fit in a single box, the world will drive you insane and you won't be able to come up with solutions to complex problems.

9:51I try to remind myself constantly that this moment is enough. I don't need to be anywhere. I don't need to do anything. I don't need to become anything other than I am at this very moment in time, at this very place that I am in this very instant. That's it. It's enough. The Stokes talk about poverty being not just a thing about your finances, but about needing, desiring, wishing, hoping, fearing that you are anything but what you are at this very instant. To become present, to lock in, that's the key to everything to me. That's what stillness is about. And that's really what happiness is too.

10:31There's a story about an Athenian statesman who goes to dinner at Plato's house. And he says, you know what I love about your dinners, Plato? It's that I still love them the day after. Meaning that he didn't hate himself. He wasn't sick. He didn't have a hangover. That there was just the right amount there. Of food, of wine, of fun, of people. I think there's this stereotype that the Stokes don't have any fun. That's totally wrong. The Stoke, virtuous temperance. Moderation is the right amount. No things in excess. All things in moderation. That's what it is. And the truth is, and I'm sure everyone's experience is, when you take a good thing too far, it ceases to be a good thing.

11:04It makes you unhappy, it makes you miserable. You have regrets later, you have pounds to lose. You do things that get you into trouble. Again, the Stoics have plenty of fun. You just have the right amount of fun. And don't take it too far.

11:19One of my all-time favorite books, The Great Gatsby, he opens the book with this. He says, the best advice I ever got from my father is when you feel like criticizing someone, remind yourself that there are people in this world who have not had the advantages that you have. And I think about that every day. To me, that's the essence of stoicism. It's strict with yourself, but tolerant with others. Understanding that everyone is going through something, understanding that you have privileges, we all do, and that other people haven't been exposed to the stuff that you have. Other people didn't have the father that you had.

11:51Other people didn't have any of the things that you had. Other people haven't even yet come around to understand that they are punishing themselves. So you got to be kind to others as strict as you are with yourself. You have to remember that other people in this world haven't had all the advantages that you've had.

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