Do You Have This Ability? | Ask DS

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1:57Free meals applied as a discount on the first box. New subscribers only varies by plan. That's hellofresh.com stoic10fm to get 10 free meals plus free breakfast for life. Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast, where each day we read a passage of ancient wisdom designed to help you in your everyday life. Well, on Thursdays, we not only read the daily meditation, but we answer some questions from listeners and fellow Stoics who are trying to apply this philosophy just as you are. Some of these come from my talks. Some of these come from Zoom sessions that we do with Daily Stoic Life members or as part of the challenges.

2:38Some of them are from interactions I have on the street when there happened to be someone there recording. Thank you for listening, and we hope this is of use to you.

2:53Do you have this ability? A leader is a doer, but that doesn't mean they're always doing. In fact, if a leader is always doing, chances are they'll end up doing the wrong thing because they haven't taken enough time to think, to study, to question, and prepare. In Thomas Ricks' wonderful book, Waging a Good War, which he also discussed on a great episode of the Daily Stoic podcast recently, Ricks looks at what made Bob Moses one of the best yet lesser known civil rights leaders. Moses was calm and quiet. He didn't seek out the spotlight. He did not make decisions out of emotion. Instead, Ricks says, quoting a colleague of Moses, he had the capacity for reflection and distance from the thing you are very much in the midst of and even leading.

3:40Ricks goes on to say that the ability to gain psychological detachment to reflect on action is a talent of many effective leaders. James Mattis, he says, one of the best American generals in our recent wars made a habit of carrying in his combat knapsack a copy of the works of Marcus Aurelius. And reading that Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher for a half hour at night, he explained, helped him gain some mental distance from the battlefield. Of course, Marcus Aurelius himself had this ability, and that's what created meditations in the first place. Marcus was taking time to think and reflect, to distance himself from the very battlefield he was writing from in his tent.

4:20All leaders need to be able to do this. Reacting emotionally does not serve anyone well. Reacting unthinkingly does not serve anyone well. Look at the mess that Elon Musk is currently in at Twitter, a classic example of what Robert Green calls tactical hell. So much of it could have been avoided with a better plan, with more restraint, with a willingness to take in feedback and integrate new information as it comes in. Each of us must cultivate time and space for reflection. We must be able to detach from a moment and see ourselves and it from a distance. We need stillness. We need discipline.

4:57We need less ego. We need to listen. Only then can we act. Only then are we fit to lead. And this is, of course, something we talk a lot about in the Daily Stoic Leadership Challenge. And I talked to R.C. Buford, who's the CEO of the San Antonio Spurs. When I talked to General Dan Kane, who's in the Air Force. When I talked to entrepreneurs and business people and leadership experts, they were all saying some version of this, the ability to make transitions, to step back, to see perspective, to make good, rational, and calm decisions in the midst of very irrational and often not calm situations.

5:34That's the art of what we're trying to cultivate. If you haven't checked out the Leadership Challenge, you very much should. Go to dailystoic.com slash leadershipchallenge to check that out. And I'll link to it in today's show notes. It's one of the best challenges I think we've done. And you can get it for free, by the way, if you sign up for Daily Stoic Life, which I'll also link to. But I'm wishing you much stillness in your leadership journey. And I think this challenge will help you get there.

6:11Hey, it's Ryan Holiday. Welcome to another episode of the Daily Stoic Podcast. Back in late June, I flew out to California. I rented a car at LAX and I headed out towards 29 Palms. I stopped in Riverside where I went to college, where I was introduced to stoicism. and I went for a nice run on my old stomping grounds. And then I headed to the Marine Corps Air Ground Combat Center there in 29 Palms, where I had the distinct privilege of talking to the 7th Regiment about Stoic philosophy. I did two talks and I'm going to bring you the Q &A portion of that first talk. I was talking to the Ripper leadership there.

6:56It was several thousand Marines. It was a true honor. I will tell you it was hot, very hot. As someone, again, who spent a lot of time in Riverside in college, I thought I'd be used to the heat. And man, did it hit me. But here are some Marines asking me questions after I've just talked about discipline and stoicism and overcoming obstacles and all that. I think they asked some really great questions. And I'm excited to share that with all of you.

7:27Appreciate it. Thank you. Of course. Good to meet you. Yeah. Hi. Nice to meet you. You've been trying as well. Oh, nice. Mind if I get a quick picture real quick? And then I have a question as well after this. Alright, what is it? Um, as far as stoicism when it comes to relationships, uh-huh. Um, I've been practicing stoicism for a couple years now. I started watching YouTube videos about five years ago. And, um, the only difficulty I have is when it comes to like practicing it with my spouse and whatnot. Sure. I find myself practicing it more selfishly as in like once she gets into a certain mood or something, I'm like, I'm not going to let your mood affect me.

8:00I'm going to try to be more indifferent to it. But I feel like I've been practicing that wrong recently because it feels more selfish to me. You know what I mean? I'm focusing on myself. I'm feeling more narcissistic because of it. Yeah. And it's not fair to sort of disconnect or tune out just because you don't like something or, you know, just because someone is acting rationally or emotionally, it doesn't mean that it's not, you didn't contribute that to that in some way that that you can't do something about it. So I don't know. It's tricky. I mean, I think stoicism tests relationships, life, family tests, all these.

8:37Kids do the same thing. It's one thing to be like, hey, I'm going to be hyper-objective and rational about this work thing. And with people, it's complicated because you live with that person. You've made commitments and promises to that person. So it's tricky. My wife likes to joke that one of us is a stoic and then the other writes about stoicism. So it's good. Yeah, it's a, some people are sort of naturally that way. Some people has to be a practice, but. It's just difficult when somebody else is illogical, but you're trying to be logical. And chances are you're probably a lot less logical than you think you are.

9:10You know what I mean? And so that's just kind of how it goes. Yes, well, I appreciate your time. Yes, great to meet you. You have a good one. Hi, Brian. Hi. I asked, I was going to ask a question about writing. Yes. Are you thinking about it? I'm trying to. Okay. But some of the stuff I'm writing is more fiction-based and short stories, and I write some stuff for the Marine Corps that's more in your line of work. My article just hit the Gazette. Oh, cool. The Gazette this July, actually. But part of it feels like it almost comes from ego, essentially. To want to write? Yeah, because wanting to get it out, especially when it's to help.

9:49I know it says to help other people, right? But it's always got my name attached to it and stuff like that. Yeah, look, I mean, if you were totally self-sufficient, no one would publish anything. So there is inherently in all creative acts, there is some inherent, look at this, right? But I don't think there's anything wrong with that necessarily. If it is, it's only good if other people like it. It's only good if it's super popular, et cetera. I think that's a bad place to come from and ultimately doesn't make good stuff. but this is like the first thing that people are going to read that i've read i mean i did a writing contest in 2019 that i won on some tactics oh cool like i haven't seen it was during the code was crazy so sure nothing was really coming out as far as like critics and stuff so that was like super helpful the advice you gave there so i was i was really and like reps are reps right so like whether you're doing non-fiction but what you actually want to do is fiction the non-fiction will make you better at you just have to do it like a lot of times right i like the fiction stories that I'm working on, but like I really, like the reason I stayed in the Marine Corps so long was to try and help the guys around me, right?

10:56Like there's not another line of work I can find as like some dumb kid from Colorado that has been able to touch this many people. Have you read Elliot Ackerman's stuff? I haven't. He's a Marine. He was in Iraq and Afghanistan. He's done a couple novels and a couple nonfiction. Yeah, yeah. I would check his stuff out. But he's one of the recent people who has made a good jump from soldier to author, and he wrote a really great novel about Afghanistan, and then he just wrote this new one. He did a sort of futuristic novel with Admiral Stavridis, actually, called, like, 2034, about a war with China.

11:36Yeah. That's, like, an interesting mix of, like, he's taking the stuff he understands in a nonfiction capacity and making it fictional, but I think he would like his stuff. I've interviewed him a couple times on the Daily Stoic podcast. You might like that, too. That's super beneficial. And I might ask him. I would email him and ask him for advice because he knows he's been in your exact position, whereas I have no idea. I'm just like this kid over here, and I bought your book and totally forgot to bring it. Oh, no. All right. Well, thank you. Yeah, of course. Great to meet you. I really appreciate all of you.

12:06Yeah, of course. Hello. Ryan, hi. I had a question about, like, I'm a fly entrepreneur. You're a what? I'm a fly entrepreneur. Oh, what do you do? I do a bunch of online businesses. So one of the biggest things for me is putting myself out there. Yeah. I mean, I already know that a bunch of computers are already there. This is a mental blockade that's telling me, oh, no. And I know you have a bunch of books, and there's people before you have the same ideas and everything. But how do you combat that? How do you stand out? Well, I think about it as like what is... There's a great book called The Blue Ocean Strategy, and it's about how you go towards being the only version of that thing.

12:48So you think, here's what everyone's doing, here's how my thing is different than that thing. It's not that you define yourself in opposition to other people, but you do go, what is everyone else doing? What can I do that is unique and distinct and stand out? It's hard if you're like, hey, this is the 40th Mexican restaurant in this town to just stand out. You've already made a decision to not stand out. But as you're thinking about what kind of restaurant to open, you go, do we need another Mexican restaurant? Or I'm going to do this kind of business that is unique, right? Or at the core of what kind of restaurant we are, it has something that none of these other places have.

13:30And that allows not only you to stand out, but then when people go and shop from you or use you or whatever, they're like, this is different. They understand why it's different. Does that make sense? So I'd think about it like that. What was the book again? It's called Blue Ocean Strategy. Thank you so much. Yeah, of course. Hello, sir. Hi. Corporal Burks. Ryan. I'm actually a huge fan. Oh, awesome. Can I get a picture? Of course, yeah. Sorry, I'm just kind of nervous. All good.

13:57My question is, so the philosopher, Frederick Nietzsche, he sort of makes the claim that, like, human beings have a will to power. And I know through watching some of your videos, one of the books that you recommend a lot of people read is the 48 laws of power i've actually been reading it yeah reading it sorry yeah what do you think i think it's really good yeah actually i think there's a lot of substance to it um do you think there's a lot of weight to that claim that we have a will to power uh i suspect yes i mean we're a hierarchical species and we're an animal like everyone else and and so i think there is a part of that there's also there's other There's other reasons to want power other than just a will to it, right?

14:42It's like, I think there's a bunch of reasons people are attracted to it. But I do think, and this is why I think Robert's book is important, I don't think Robert's book is necessarily a how-to book. He's not saying, do this. Actually, Robert is not like that as a person. He's incredibly generous and nice and kind. What he's saying is that if you don't understand power, or even if everyone doesn't have a will to power, I think it's much less controversial to say some people have a will to power, right? And so if you live in a world where some people want power and are driven to power and are defined by power, unless you want to be the victim of or dominated by that power, you have to understand how power operates, what the laws behind it are, the strategies of it are.

15:28And so I think ultimately, whether everyone has it or not is irrelevant. What matters is some people have it. And so you better figure out how it works, even if that's solely as a defensive mechanism. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, that's a great question. Thank you.

15:46By the way, nice to meet you. Ryan, good to meet you too. I'd like to give you a quick question. Of course, yeah.

15:53So my question is, I'm a generally calm person, even in stressful scenarios. but like people have came to me and said like they seem like they see me as a very uh emotionalist and like very emotional unavailable and they think you're emotional or emotionally unavailable uh unavailable got it okay so they think you're too closed off yeah all right so like what i try to do is be very calm and try to like have be like hey like it's okay like you be like you can be panicking and stuff like look at me like calm down sure everything sure try to be like that's Good. But like, so how do I like make it look like, hey, like I'm okay, like you can come talk to me, like it's okay like that.

16:32Sure. Yeah, that's a good question. I mean, just because you're calm or you're not emotional about it doesn't mean other people aren't having their emotions. And, or it doesn't mean you don't recognize the emotions you're having, you're just not acting. And so I think the more effectively you can communicate this as opposed to assuming people know, right, is probably a good place to start. Okay. Is this person acting calm because they don't understand the stakes of what's happening? Are they calm because they don't give a shit? Are they calm because they're actually in some sort of paralyzed, catatonic, fearful?

17:07There's a bunch of reasons, right? And so if you don't articulate why you are, why you are, where you are, people are going to make assumptions. And if they're already in an emotional or sort of irrational state, they're probably going to assume not the best. Okay. Right? So I might think about it like that. That's a great question. Thank you. Yeah, of course. Hello. Ryan. My name's Sean. I just want to first shake your hand and say thank you for giving me plenty of stuff to listen to while doing cognitive. Do you listen to podcasts and stuff while you work out? Your Spotify, JRE, are always in my ears whenever I'm running.

17:47Cool. I'm distracting myself. I did also want to ask, Like, I know you speak about it and people have spoken about it for thousands of years. Don't worry about what you can't control. Sure. And just focus on what you can. But I have issues putting it to practice because I feel like there's so many things, you know, in my life that I can't control. Sure. And, uh... By the way, I don't think there's anyone that is not, like, it is the simplest thing in the world, but is the hardest thing in the world, right? Do you know what I mean? Like, there's a reason people go to Alcoholics Anonymous every day and repeat the serenity prayer.

18:29Like, they've heard it a million times, but they're clearly still struggling with it, right? So, like, knowing what's up to you and what isn't, that's maybe straightforward. But then, like, it's still fucking incredibly hard, right?

18:51or trouble for us. Do you know what I mean? It's not just like, hey, don't care about the weather, focus on what's, you know, it's like you're sent somewhere you don't want to go, right? Conflict breaks out that you don't, like in your world, the things that you don't control are some of the scariest, toughest, heartbreaking, trying things that there is. So I'd be a little kind to yourself about, you know, whether that upsets you or not. Does it wreck you? You know, is different than And does it bother you? Right? You're not, I think it's to get to this completely zen place where you feel nothing about it, you know, maybe 80 years from now.

19:31But it's hard, especially when you're young, you know, and you have stuff you're trying to do. Yeah. It's a great question. Good luck, man. Yeah.

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