How The Powerless Become Powerful | Don't Look For The Third Thing

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0:55How the powerless become powerful. Hadrian had everything. He could do anything. He commanded an enormous army. He had access to the smartest advisors and the most illustrious men in the world. He could send for anyone, summon anyone. And yet here he was traveling more than 500 miles from Rome to the distant Greek city and Roman colony of Nicopolis to attend the lectures of a former slave. It's pretty incredible and beautiful too, no? There is something poetic about Hadrian, then the emperor, sitting like an eager student at the foot of a man whose name literally just meant acquired one. And yet, in this instance, was the slave not then the master?

1:48Was that not the powerless conquering the powerful? Marcus Aurelius, a lifelong student of Epictetus and the adopted grandson of Hadrian, contrasted the great conquerors of the world against the wise men of history, and he believed that the thinkers came out the better. Because, he explained, the philosophers knew the what, the why, and the how. Their minds were their own. Isn't that what we're after? How can we seize that power? How can we reverse fortune as Epictetus did? Well, that's what we're talking about this month here at Daily Stoic. We're studying the life of Epictetus. July is going to be Epictetus month.

2:30it's going to be a deep dive into the life, the lessons, the legacy of one of history's greatest philosophers. And if you want to join us, you want to go deeper, we'd love to have you. We did this guide on Epictetus, and we're doing kind of a book club about him, and I'd love to have you in there. If you want to learn how to read Epictetus, sign up right now at dailystoic.com slash Epictetus course. I'll link to it in today's show notes, of course. But basically, it's this structured companion to help you engage with Epictetus the way he's meant to be engaged as a teacher of practical daily tools for living.

3:06The same things that Hadrian was trying to incorporate in his life, I'm trying to incorporate in my life in thousands of Stoics all over the world are after as well. I think what we find in Epictetus is action over theory, right? We find sort of universality. Of course, he's also got his share of modern champions. And so we're going to explore all that in How to Read Epictetus at Daily Stoic Digital Guiding Course. And we'll be having a big conversation about it, which I would love to see you in. As I said, dailystoic.com slash epictetuscourse. And you can get your copy of Epictetus at a discount.

3:45All that over there at dailystoic.com slash epictetuscourse. And remember, if you're a member of Daily Stoic Life, you'll get this course and all our other courses for free. So check all that out. And I will see you in there when we get together on July 26.

4:05We just took our kids to an outdoor performance at the Nutcracker. They had a snow cone. And then they went insane in the car ride home. And one of the things I try to remind myself when that's happening is that I don't control my kids' behavior. especially when they're too far gone like that, but I do control how I respond, right? That's stoicism, but it's also what Dr. Becky talks about. Dr. Becky is a clinical psychologist and a best-selling author, and she founded Good Inside, which is there to give parents practical, actionable tools for handling those everyday challenges with confidence.

4:40My wife introduced me to Dr. Becky's books. I love them. I've recommended them a million times. I've had her on the podcast. And as it happens, Dr. Becky is hosting two live Q &A events for good inside members. I am one of them. She signed me up for it about a year and a half ago. I've loved it ever since. On December 1st, you can join Dr. Becky for her How Not to Raise Assholes event, which is about avoiding entitlement and raising kind, empathetic kids. And on December 15th, she's hosting her How Not to Lose It Over the Holidays event, which I'm sure we could all use. As I said, I'm a big fan of Dr.

5:17Becky. She's been a great influence for me as a parent and just as a human being. And daily Stoic listeners can join for 15 % off with code STOIC15. You just got to head over to goodinside.com to catch the events.

5:37Don't look for the third thing. The Stoics teach us that doing well is its own reward. to do the right thing, to see someone helped by it. This is enough to go around expecting thanks. What Marcus Aurelius describes as the third thing. That is to miss the point. It's being greedy. Keeping score not only misses the purposes of being good, it's foolish. Sets you up for disappointment. If you're going to do some accounting, look at it from the other direction. How many people have helped us? What do we owe them in return? Think about clearing some debts this week. and consider forgetting any notion of others owing you.

6:18This is from this week's entry in the Daily Stoic Journal, 366 days of writing and reflection on the art of living, together by myself and the wonderful Steve Hanselman. You can buy this anywhere books are sold. I sell a bunch of signed copies, personalize it, usually write prepare and reflect in the Daily Stoic store. You can buy that at store.dailystoic.com. Then we've got two quotes from Marcus to think about today. One person on doing well by others immediately accounts the expected favor in return. Another is not so quick, but still considers the person a debtor and knows the favor. A third kind of person acts as if not conscious of the deed, rather like a vine producing a cluster of grapes without making further demands, like a horse after its race, or a dog after its walk, or a bee after making its honey.

7:06Such a person, having done a good deed, won't go shouting from rooftops, but simply moves on to the next deed, just like the vine produces another bunch of grapes in the right season. It's Marcus Aurelius' meditations 5.6. That's such a beautiful image. Like plants produce fruit. They don't even reap the benefits of that fruit. They just do it because that's their nature. That's their job. And then we have one more. When you've done well and another has benefited by it, why like a fool do you look for the third thing on top? Credit for the good deed or favor in return. That's Marcus Aurelius' meditations 7.7.3.

7:42And anytime Marcus is repeating himself in meditation, I think it's illustrative. And I think he is doing what we all do, right? He did something good. Then he was disappointed that it either wasn't recognized or he was frustrated that it was interpreted incorrectly. Or like, imagine you're Marcus Aurelius. You're trying not to be corrupted by power. You've seen what your horrible predecessors have done and you're being attacked for it. You know, he says that the rewards of being a leader is to do good things and earn a bad reputation. You still get attacked. If you're going through life looking for this third thing, and I do this all the time myself, if you're going through life looking for that third thing, you're going to be disappointed all the time.

8:25And you're going to question why you were doing the good thing. Because if you're doing it in this quid pro quo, one hand washes the other, you do a thing, they do a thing. You start to go, this is a sucker's payoff. Like I'm doing the right thing and I'm not getting anything for it. I'm going to stop doing the right thing. No, the Stoics want you to think, no, the right thing is your job. You do the right thing because it produces pleasure for you. You do the right thing because that's what you were put here on this planet to do. You do the right thing because it's the right thing. Don't look for the third thing.

8:56Do the right thing because it's the right thing. That's this week's lesson. And as we said in the little meditations, forgive the debts that others owe you and be very diligent about paying your debts to all the people who have selflessly done good things for you in this world over the years.

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