How To Get Through Life's Most Difficult Situations

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0:55Hey, it's Ryan. Welcome to another bonus episode of the Daily Stoic podcast. I was telling you that the finale of White Lotus is called Amor Fati, and one of the characters is explaining what Amor Fati means to her boyfriend. This isn't the only recent appearance of Amor Fati in movies or TV shows. Zach Braff, who was on the podcast not too long ago, built his new movie, A Good Person, around it. Again, I can't spoil the White Lotus thing because I haven't seen it yet, but I did see A Good Person and I absolutely loved it. And it's a very moving scene there at the end where they talk about Amor Fati.

1:40But I asked Zach about it when he was on the podcast. Here's what he said about Amor Fati. The quote Amor Fati, which I wove into the film because I just found it so powerful and I use it in my life. It's the most simple mantra for me to get through some of the roughest times of my life. Really have you to credit for that. So I want to thank you. You have it tattooed on your arm, right? I did. I put it on my wrist. It's interesting. I wrote it into the film as a Morgan Freeman's character is a man who's experienced a lot of grief himself. And he has 10 years sober. He's a recovering alcoholic.

2:21We learned that he was a Newark cop. So he's lived a very tough life, both as an alcoholic and dealing with the intensity of being a cop on the streets of Newark. and he has a lot of regrets in his life. I put it as a moment in the film where Florence Pugh's character clocks that he has it tattooed on his wrist as a way of being a mantra for himself. He doesn't really tell her what it means until later in the film. Of course, a lot of people that listen to you will know the phrase. So yeah, it's sort of a, because it was so meaningful to me and powerful to me, I had it tattooed in the same spot that I put it on Morgan in the film right under my right wrist.

3:06It was crazy to me because I grew up watching Garden State when it came out. I was a big fan of Scrubs. It was just cool. And to hear that he had heard about Amor Fati from me and my work, the way that I had heard about it from Robert Green was just kind of mind-blowing to me and really, really cool. I don't know how the folks at White Lotus heard about it. It's a great show. I've been watching it. I've watched the first two seasons. I'm excited for this one. I saw a tweet yesterday. They were saying the fourth season of White Lotus should be at a great wolf lodge in Ohio. Like it's an absurd type of hotel you take your families to.

3:40There's one in Dallas we've been to. Like if you've ever been to a Gaylord hotel either, it's kind of like that, just like a crazy family place. But more in the middle class spectrum than in the absurd expense of White Lotus. Anyways, because of the sort of recent appearances of Amor Fati film, I thought I would do a little explainer that we put together for the Daily Stoic YouTube channel not too long ago. This is me explaining what Amor Fati means, why it matters, and hopefully it helps. And like I said, I'm going to go off and watch White Lotus when I get a sec. I'm never immediately on top of these shows, but I do like it.

4:20And it's pretty cool. And if you haven't seen a good person yet, you definitely should. And listen to our episode with Zach Braff. And if anyone has any evidence of the folks from White Lotus heard about or somehow influenced by stoicism, I'd love to have one of them on too. I'm recording this on a Monday. And Monday is our grocery store day in our family. I usually pick my kids up from school and we go over to Whole Foods, get all our groceries for the week. Although here very shortly, we're going to go over there to get our Thanksgiving turkey because they've got a bunch of great options. Turkeys start at$1.49 a pound if you have prime with organic birds at$2.99 a pound.

4:57And they only carry no antibiotic ever turkeys that will bring quality to your table at a great price. Whole Foods has great everyday prices on all your Thanksgiving essentials. Whether you celebrate with a massive family or just a few close friends, everything they sell has high standards to help you shop with confidence. Enjoy so many ways to save on your Thanksgiving spread at Whole Foods Market.

5:26If you're born short, you're happy that you're short. If you're tall, you're happy that you're born tall. You accept things as they are. You make the most of it. This is what the idea of amor fati is.

5:40acceptance is a word that we struggle with because it seems defeatist it seems resigned but the stoics epictetus say we have to learn how to practice the art of acquiescence accepting the things that happen to us is actually the first step in being able to respond to them to turn them into something there's a powerful stoic concept called amor fati which we're going to talk about in today's episode i'm ryan holiday i've written a number of books about stoic philosophy. I've spoken about it from the NBA to the NFL, sitting senators and special forces leaders. And in today's episode, we're going to talk about that amor fati, a love of faith, embracing, accepting the things that have happened to you, the situations you find yourself in, not because you resign, not because you're passive, but because it's the first step in turning it into something great.

6:24It's the first step in making something. That's what we're going to talk about in today's episode. So Thomas Edison is America's most successful inventor. He's sitting down for dinner with his family and a man rushes in. The factory is on fire. And Edison shows up on the scene and he sees it. His life's work up in flames. His son is standing there shell-shocked. And what does Edison say? Edison says, go get your mother and all her friends. They'll never see a fire like this again. And some people thought he lost his mind, but he actually goes on to repeat a line from a Kipling poem about triumph and disaster treating these two imposters just the same.

6:59And what Edison is realizing, as a stoic does, is that some things are just out of our control. We can't change them. No amount of whining or complaining or weeping is going to affect them. But we can control how we respond. And that's what Edison does. He tells a reporter the next day, I've been through stuff like this before. He says it prevents an old man from getting bored. And he starts rebuilding. He actually takes a million dollar loan from Henry Ford. In six weeks, it's partially back up and running. In six months, it's fully operational. and the third act of Edison's life is rebuilding after this disaster.

7:31And I want you to think about that as well. That's the idea, that you'll never see something like this again. You can at least enjoy the absurdity, the surreal beauty of it, and then you can say, this prevents me from getting bored. Now I'm going to get back to work and I'm going to turn this into something. You have two options. You can want things to turn out a certain way, or you could welcome them the way they happen, Epictetus says. He says you could want them to turn out as you want them to, or you could decide that you want them to turn out how they've turned out. And so this is essentially the discipline.

8:05For the Stoics, this is the discipline of assent. Are you going to wish things are a certain way? Are you going to accept them as they are? That doesn't mean you accept the injustices of the world, per se. But it means if it's raining, you're happy that it's raining. If it's cloudy, you're happy that it's cloudy. If it's sunny and hot, you're happy that it's sunny and hot. If you're born short, you're happy that you're short. If you're tall, you're happy that you're born tall. You accept things as they are. You make the most of it. This is what the idea of amor fati is. Accept things. Be happy that things are the way that they are.

8:37That you were given what you've been given. And then get to work using it. That's what Stoicism is about. The Stoics were really big on acceptance. And acceptance is a scary word to ambitious people. because we didn't get where we are by accepting the status quo or by resigning ourselves to things. But to the Stoics, this acceptance of external events, of things that are outside of our control, was the first step in moving forward and using them in some way. And so there's a Latin phrase that the Stoics were fond of, and it's amor fati. And it translates to a love of faith. Not just acceptance, but an embracing of those circumstances, whatever they may be.

9:17And so for Marcus Aurelius, he said that what you throw in front of a fire is fuel for the fire. And that's the image that they thought about for good and bad events. When we look back on the bad things that have happened to us in life, with enough time, with enough distance, we come to accept them, maybe even feel grateful for them. We know that without those things, the breakup or the failure or the embarrassing mistake or the accident, we wouldn't be where we are now. But in that moment, that was the furthest thought from our mind. We were fighting it. We were resenting it. We were wishing it was otherwise.

9:53If later you're going to feel good about it, if later you're going to give yourself that gift, why delay it? Why not give it to yourself now? Practice the art of acquiescence. Don't resent it. Don't fight it. Accept it for what it is. And understand, even if you can't see it in this very moment, in the end, you will come to see this as a positive. You will come to see it as good. you will come to see it as a thing that made you who you are and how it couldn't have been anything different it's been a rough year like just a rough year for everyone but marcus aurelius at the end of his life he was as he was facing death even the scariest thing that a human can face he said remind yourself of all the things that you've been through and what you've had to endure he was trying to buck himself up to go of course you can get through this think of all the things that you've gotten through in your life.

10:41And that's what you have to think about with what you're going through today, big and small. You've been through things like this before. You can get through this. You've gotten through worse. And when you know that it helps you, that when Edison's factory burns down, he says, I've been through things like this before. He's like, it's going to prevent me from getting bored. I'm going to use this. And that's what a stoic does. They use their past experiences to inspire and motivate them and give them confidence for whatever it is that they're having to face right now. The Morphati coin. Yes. Which is the idea that, it's also a Nietzsche phrase, of sort of loving everything that happens to you, not resenting it, not fighting against it, not carrying around a grudge or a burden, but sort of embracing it and finding the good in it.

11:28Yeah. Where does that fit in with our human nature? Well, it doesn't fit in because it's not natural to us. Our natural frame, our natural starting position is when something bad happens, why me? You know, to feel sort of a grievance. A lot of what I'm talking about in this book is overcoming some of these natural elements in human nature and turning them around and using them for another purpose, another way. And amor fati is very powerful in that you train yourself to accept everything that happens. It's like for Nietzsche it was, this is life. Life involves pain. Life involves adversity. You're going to die one day and it's not going to be pleasant.

12:19Your friends and family members, they're going to die one day and it's not going to be pleasant. You're going to have failure in life. People are going to hurt you. But that is life. That's what it is. So to resist that, to be angry about that means to not love life itself. Obviously you've gone through some adversity in your own life recently. It's easy to talk about amor fati, especially when you're talking about, oh, I'm going to love that my plane is delayed or that there's some trouble with the printer in my book or something. How have you tried to practice amor fati, recovering from a stroke?

12:55Well, you know what that's like. You were writing a book about stoicism and obstacles the way, and then you got robbed, and you had all these things happen. Sure. And you were being tested. Well, I had a stroke, and it's like the ultimate test for me. I've never had to go through something like this because I'm somebody who's very physically active and independent, and suddenly I can't use the left side of my body, and I'm completely dependent. And the initial reaction is the natural reaction. Oh, man, damn, why this had to happen? This is so unfair. Why me? You know, if only I could just keep swimming and doing my life the way it was.

13:32I'm so upset. And I talk in the book, your natural reactions, you don't have to fight them. You have to go take the next step, which is the next day after you've gone through this, is to analyze your own emotions and why you're feeling that way. So I've had to go through that process. And it's actually been extremely powerful for me. I have to retrain my body. Every day I have to learn how to use my fingers again, like a baby. And I'm learning how the mind works. I'm learning about patience and frustration, about my own limits. And I can't necessarily say I love my stroke. I think that would be false of me to say something like that.

14:13I don't love that this happened, but I've accepted it, and I've discovered how it can make me a better and stronger person. I hope you like this video. I hope you subscribe. But what I really want you to subscribe to is our Daily Stoic email. One bit of Stoic wisdom, totally for free to the largest community of Stoics ever in existence. You can sign up at dailystoic.com slash email. There's no spam. You can unsubscribe at any time. I love sending it. I've sent it every day for the last six years. And I hope to see you there at dailystoic.com slash email.

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