It’s So Hard To Find | Stop Looking For This

0:00Ryan Holiday: Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast, designed to help bring those four key stoic virtues, courage, discipline, justice, and wisdom into the real world.

0:14Ryan Holiday: Hey there, just a heads up, I'm going to be on tour this fall. You can see me in Australia and New Zealand in October. In August, I'm mixing my months up here, but in August, you can see me in Chicago and Minneapolis and Detroit. Then I'll be on the East Coast sometime in November and December. Anyways, grab tickets to that, dailystoiclive.com. Hope to see you there. It is so hard to find. You think it would be easy. After all, they have the time, they have the resources, they usually have the brainpower and the education. And yet the writers of A Satisfied Mind, a song that's been covered by Bob Dylan and Jeff Buckley and Bonnie Ver, to name a few, were absolutely right.

0:59Ryan Holiday: In fact, they sound like they're quoting Seneca when they sing, but little they know that it's so hard to find one rich man in 10 with a satisfied mind. Why is this? Well, as the Stoics, many of them fortunate and wealthy, knew very well, money brings anxiety in many forms. Fear you'll lose it, worry that someone else has more, insecurity that people are judging you, the stress of having so many choices, all the things to take care of. It's certainly a better problem than having too little, but having too much is still a problem and not one that automatically leads to peace or contentment. The ability to be content, to be grateful, to be at peace, these are real luxuries, if you think about it, because they're so rare.

1:53Ryan Holiday: apparently nine out of 10 rich people can't even afford them.

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4:34Ryan Holiday: Don't look for the third thing. The Stoics teach us that doing well is its own reward. To do the right thing, to see someone helped by it, this is enough. To go around expecting thanks, what Marcus Aurelius describes as the third thing, that is to miss the point. It's being greedy. Keeping score not only misses the purposes of being good, it's foolish. It sets you up for disappointment. If you're going to do some accounting, look at it from the other direction. How many people have helped us? What do we owe them in return? Think about clearing some debts this week and consider forgetting any notion of others owing you.

5:14Ryan Holiday: This is from this week's entry in the Daily Stoic Journal. 366 days of writing and reflection on the art of living together by myself and the wonderful Steve Hanselman. You can buy this anywhere books are sold. I sell a bunch of signed copies. I personalize it. I usually write prepare and reflect in the Daily Stoic store. You can buy that at store.dailystoic.com. And we've got two quotes from Marcus to think about today. One person on doing well by others immediately accounts the expected favor in return. Another is not so quick, but still considers the person a debtor and knows the favor. A third kind of person acts as if not conscious of the deed, rather like a vine producing a cluster of grapes without making further demands, like a horse after its race or a dog after its walk or a bee after making its honey.

6:02Ryan Holiday: Such a person having done a good deed won't go shouting from rooftops, but simply moves on to the next deed, just like the vine produces another bunch of grapes in the right season. It's Marcus Aurelius' Meditations 5.6. That's such a beautiful image. Like, plants produce fruit. They don't even reap the benefits of that fruit. They just do it because that's their nature. That's their job. And then we have one more. When you've done well and another has benefited by it, why, like a fool, do you look for the third thing on top? credit for the good deed or favor in return. That's Marcus Aurelius' meditations 773.

6:39Ryan Holiday: Anytime Marcus is repeating himself in meditation, I think it's illustrative. And I think he is doing what we all do, right? He did something good. Then he was disappointed that it either wasn't recognized or he was frustrated that it was interpreted incorrectly. Or like, imagine you're Marcus Rebellus, you're trying not to be corrupted by power. You've seen what your horrible predecessors have done and you're being attacked for it. He says that the rewards of being a leader is to do good things and earn a bad reputation. You still get attacked. If you're going through life looking for this third thing, and I do this all the time myself, if you're going through life looking for that third thing, you're going to be disappointed all the time.

7:21Ryan Holiday: And you're going to question why you were doing the good thing. Because if you're doing it in this quid pro quo, one hand washes the other, you do a thing, they do a thing. You start to go, this is a sucker's payoff. Like I'm doing the right thing and I'm not getting anything for it. I'm going to stop doing the right thing. No, the Stoics want you to think, no, the right thing is your job. You do the right thing because it produces pleasure for you. You do the right thing because that's what you were put here on this planet to do. You do the right thing because it's the right thing. Don't look for the third thing.

7:53Ryan Holiday: Do the right thing because it's the right thing. That's this week's lesson. And as we said in the little meditations, forgive the debts that others owe you and be very diligent about paying your debts, all the people who have selflessly done good things for you in this world over the years.

8:15Ryan Holiday: Hey, it's Ryan. Thank you for listening to the Daily Stoic podcast. I just wanted to say we so appreciate it. We love serving you. It's amazing to us that over 30 million people have downloaded these episodes in the couple years we've been doing it. It's an honor. Please spread the word, tell people about it. And this isn't to sell anything. I just wanted to say thank you.

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