Let It Be And Let It Go | Frenemies

0:00It's time for Black Friday, Dell Technologies' biggest sale of the year. That's right. You'll find huge savings on select Dell PCs like the Dell 16 Plus with the Intel Core Ultra Processor. And with built-in advanced AI features, it's the PC that helps you do more faster. From smarter multitasking to extended battery life, these PCs will get the busy work done so you can focus on what matters to you. Plus, you can earn Dell rewards and many other benefits like free shipping, expert support, price match guarantee, and flexible financing options. and they have the biggest deals on accessories that pair perfectly with your Dell PC, improving the way you work, play, and connect.

0:40Whether you just started your holiday shopping or you're finishing up, these PCs and accessories will make the perfect gifts for everyone on your list. Shop now at dell.com slash deals and don't miss out. That's dell.com slash deals.

0:55I'm recording this on a Monday and Monday is our grocery store day in our family. I usually pick my kids up from school and we go over to Whole Foods, get all our groceries for the week. Although here very shortly, we're going to go over there to get our Thanksgiving turkey because they've got a bunch of great options. Turkeys start at$149 a pound if you have Prime with organic birds at$299 a pound. And they only carry no antibiotic ever turkeys that will bring quality to your table at a great price. Whole Foods has great everyday prices on all your Thanksgiving essentials, whether you celebrate with a massive family or just a few close friends.

1:32Everything they sell has high standards to help you shop with confidence. Enjoy so many ways to save on your Thanksgiving spread at Whole Foods Market.

1:43Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast. On Friday, we do double duty, not just reading our daily meditation, but also reading a passage from The Daily Stoic, my book, 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance in the Art of Living, which I wrote with my wonderful collaborator, translator, and literary agent, Stephen Hanselman. So today, we'll give you a quick meditation from the Stoics with some analysis from me, and then we'll send you out into the world to turn these words into works.

2:25Let it be and let it go. They didn't have to say it, but they did. It shouldn't have happened, but it did. And it hurt. It was frustrating. It was so, so unnecessary. But now you have a choice. What will you do about it? Can you remember, as Marx really said, that you don't have to turn this into something? Can you grab the other handle as Epictetus advised, the one that allows you to move on, to not be wrecked or distracted or made worse by it? Life is hard. People are not perfect. If we cannot cultivate the ability to let things be and to let them go, we'll never do anything done. Certainly we'll never have much in the way of happiness or freedom.

3:09You are strong enough to leave this alone. You are wise enough to let it be. You don't have to let it suck you in. You don't have to let it break your heart or your focus, but will you?

3:25Hey, it's Ryan Holiday. Welcome to another episode of the Daily Stoic Podcast. It is October 18th. Today we're talking about frenemies. This is my entry from the Daily Stoic, 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. Holding a cloth edition here, but oh, there's a Target sticker on here. It says first copy bought at Target, May 21st. It says right after CDC changed mask guidance. Oh, that's funny. This is a little pandemic artifact, I guess. I must've bought this when they started carrying the book at Target. Well, cool. Anyways, here's the quote from Marcus Aurelius' 1115.

4:06There's nothing worse than a wolf befriending sheep. Avoid false friendship at all costs. If you're good, straightforward, and well-meaning, it should show in your eyes and not escape notice. It's pretty obvious that one should keep away from the wicked and two-faced as much as possible, the jealous friend, a narcissistic parent, the untrustworthy partner. And at first, Marcus Aurelius is reminding us to avoid false friends. And I would say he probably, as the emperor, there would have been plots everywhere and intrigue everywhere. His dear friend, Avidius Cassius, attempts to kill him, to overthrow the emperor.

4:43He would have been worried about assassination attempts. He would have been worried about spies. He would have been worried about people with ulterior motives. We hear from Epictetus just the kinds of people that were in Nero's court. He tells us about someone sucking up to Nero's cobbler to get in the emperor's good graces, Marcus Willis would have had to be constantly on guard against two-faced false friends. But what if we try to turn it around? What if instead we ask about the times that we have been false to our friends? Ultimately, that's what stoicism is about, not judging other people's behavior, but judging our own.

5:24We've all been a frenemy at one point or another. We've all been nice to their face, usually because there was something in it for us. But later in different company, we said how we really felt. Or we strung someone along, cared only when things were going well, or declined to help even though somebody really needed us. This behavior is beneath us, and it's worth remembering the next time we accuse someone of being a bad friend. I've been watching this horrendous reality show lately with my wife, The Secret Lives of Mormon Housewives or something like that. And anytime you watch one of those Bravo shows or these reality shows, it's horrifying.

6:05They're like, what is wrong with these people? But the Stoics say exactly as we were trying to talk about in today's entry. It's not about pointing out the sores or the flaws in other people. Seneca says it's about scrubbing them off yourself. And so when you see someone behaving that way, when you see them acting two-faced, when you see their ulterior motives, when you see the drama that they stir up, when you see their just profound lack of self-awareness, right? What you should take from that, a main thing you should see, and that is you're not that different. It's repulsive to you, but it's not unfamiliar, is it?

6:44It's not inconceivable, is it? You've done things like that. We all have. And that's what I think we want to take from today's message. I think that's ultimately, when Mark's risk is avoid false friendship at all costs. I think he's trying to think about when he may have been a false friend and we all have. So that's today's message. Be good, be decent, be honest, be a good friend. Last week, remember honesty as the default. If you have to say, hey, I'm going to be honest or hey, I'm your real friend here. What is that saying about who you are in other cases, who you are when no one's looking, how you are when you're not prefacing things like the, I'll be straight with you here.

7:24Or when you go, no offense intended, does that mean you normally intended offense? We're not that different than these people. We all have these tendencies, but we can work on it. We can improve it. Stoicism can help us get better. And that's what today's message is about.

7:49get these delivered to you via email every day. Check it out at dailystoic.com slash email.

8:12Look, ads are annoying. They are to be avoided, if at all possible. I understand as a content creator why they need to exist. That's why I don't begrudge them when they appear on the shows that I listen to. But again, as a person who has to pay a podcast producer and has to pay for equipment and for the studio and the building that the studio is in, it's a lot to keep something like The Daily Stoic going. So if you want to support a show but not listen to ads, well, We have partnered with Supercast to bring you a ad-free version of Daily Stoic. We're calling it Daily Stoic Premium. And with Premium, you can listen to every episode of the Daily Stoic podcast completely ad-free.

9:00No interruptions, just the ideas, just the messages, just the conversations you came here for. And you can also get early access to episodes before they're available to the public. And we're going to have a bunch of exclusive bonus content and extended interviews in there. just for Daily Stoic Premium members as well. If you want to remove distractions, go deeper into stoicism and support the work we do here. Well, it takes less than a minute to sign up for Daily Stoic Premium, and we are offering a limited time discount of 20 % off your first year. Just go to dailystoic.com slash premium to sign up right now or click the link in the show descriptions to make those ads go away.