Put All Of Your Energy Into This | Practice Letting Go

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2:58So let's get into it.

3:09Put all of your energy into this. The less energy we waste regretting the past or worrying about the future, the more energy we have for what's in front of us. Amazon tells us that this is actually one of the most highlighted passages in the digital version of my book, Stillness is the Key. It's an idea that's actually impossible to disentangle from stoicism. Epictetus said there were things that were up to us and some things that were not. Okay, but then what? Well, as Mark says, we must remind ourselves that the past and the future are not in our power, only the present is. You have to try to live in the very now.

3:46It's the only thing that exists. It is the only thing that is true. Our memories of what's past degrade and then betray us. Our thoughts of what is to come are never accurate. Now is all there is and all that is real. So Marcus wrote, give yourself a gift, the present moment. Live immediately, Seneca wrote. Give yourself a gift of truth and reality. And when you do, when you put all of your energy into the present, you can be sure you are using that energy wisely, free of regret and worry. What a present that is. If you haven't read Stillness is the Key, I would love for you to do it. Super proud of the book.

4:22It came out in 2019. And I think it's held up well. It certainly held up well for me during the pandemic when suddenly there was sort of a forced stillness in the sense that things we used to do went away. But then there was an inner turmoil that had to be stilled and quelled if I was to have any sort of hope and happiness and contentment, acceptance. And I also have, you can hear that, these are my keys. When I walk into the office every morning, I use a key that says stillness on it that we sell in the Daily Stoic store that you might like to check out. You can check out all that stuff, including signed copies of Stillness is the Key, at store.dailystoic.com.

5:09Practice letting go. We suffer when we lose things we love, and we suffer most when we lose people we love. But it is a natural, unavoidable part of life. And the Stoics say that this suffering is increased by our belief that we possess the objects of our love. They are, as we like to say, a part of us. This belief doesn't increase our love or care for them, but rather is a form of clinging that ignores the simple fact that we don't control what will happen, not to our own bodies, let alone to the ones we love. Epictetus taught a powerful exercise that every time you wish a dear child or family member or friend goodnight, you remember that these things are like a precious breakable glass.

5:53Remember how dramatically things can change while you sleep. Marcus too struggled to practice this with his own family as he tucked them in at night. And the point wasn't to be morbid, but to create a sense of appreciation and a kind of humility. You cannot take anyone, especially someone you love, for granted. And then the quotes are from Epictetus in Seneca. Epictetus says, whenever you experience the pangs of losing something, don't treat it like a part of yourself, but as a breakable glass, so that when it falls, you will remember that and won't be troubled. So too, whenever you kiss your child, sibling, or friend, don't layer on top of the experience all the things you might wish, but hold them back and stop them, just as those who ride behind triumphant generals remind them that they are mortal.

6:38In the same way, remind yourself that your precious one isn't one of your possessions, but something given for now, not forever. That's Epictetus's Discourses 324. But the wise person can lose nothing. Such a person has everything stored up for themselves, leaving nothing to fortune. Their own goods are held firm, bound in virtue, which requires nothing from chance and therefore can't be either increased or diminished, Seneca, on the firmness of the wise. We did a Daily Stoic email recently that I wanted to read you, or a chunk of it. Let me pull it up here. The moment when after many years of hard work and a long voyage, you stand in the center of your room, house, half acre, square mile, island, country, knowing at last how you got there, and you say, I own this.

7:27In the same moment the trees unloose, their soft arms from around you. The birds take back their language. The cliffs fissure and collapse. The air moves back from you like a wave, and you can't breathe. No, they whisper, you own nothing. You were a visitor, time after time, climbing the hill, planting the flag, proclaiming we never belonged to you. You never found us. It was always the other way around. I just think that's such a beautiful poem. And look, there's a part of what Seneca here that stops me. He says, so that when the glass falls, you will remember that and won't be troubled. Now, I don't think that's quite right.

8:17We know that Seneca lost a child and grieved quite deeply. We know that his mother grieved him quite deeply when he was exiled, and he in turn grieved his mother. We know that he and his wife struggled at their parting when they were forced to commit suicide. The idea that the Stoic can just think these things and then not be attached to people, I think that's a false ideal. And I don't think that's where you actually want to get, even if you could get there. To me, what Epictetus' exercise, what Marcus is doing, and it's one I practiced almost every day during the pandemic when, especially in those dark early days when it seemed very, very serious.

9:00Not that it wasn't serious, but it seemed so much more uncertain, the seriousness of it. The idea of holding your children close and saying that you don't know what's going to happen through the night is there to make you breathe that moment in, to not rush through it, to not try to get it over with. So you can go check your email or watch Netflix or have a snack. It's to go, no, this is important. I'm not going to rush through this. I'm not going to get past it. I am going to breathe it in because it matters, because it's here now. To me, that this is a breakable glass doesn't mean put it up on the highest shelf, wrap it in bubble wrap and hope nothing bad ever happens to it.

9:49It's to appreciate it while you have it, to realize that you don't have it forever, because none of us do. That's what I take from that exercise. And, you know, that was brought home to me even more during almost a year exactly from, you know, March of 2020 when this freak storm hits Texas. And I, you know, everyone tucked their kid in at night. They lost power. And a few families woke up and found that their children or older family members had died in their sleep, had frozen to death in their sleep. It had gotten so cold so unexpectedly. awkwardly, you just think about how tragic that is and how that could happen to anyone.

10:37And you realize how much worse it would feel if you'd had an argument before bed, if you'd been short before bed, if you'd said, no, I said only two books, and now you want me to read a third one, right? You would regret that. It would be tragic in any circumstance. Again, the idea that you would get to a place where you would not care that it happened, I don't think that's right. Marcus Aurelius loses multiple children, multiple children. That's insane, unthinkable. And even in meditations, you get the sense that he's still grieving, still working through it. So you don't get there, but you do hopefully get to a place where you can minimize the regrets.

11:22So you're not sitting there kicking yourself saying, I wish I'd been more patient. I wish I'd been there more, period. I wish I hadn't rushed through things. While I had them, I really loved them. I really connected with them. I wasn't detached from them. I was attached to them. And that's why this tragedy is the least bad version of how it could go. That's not the happiest way to leave you today, but I do think it's a powerful exercise and worth thinking about. And I'll talk to you soon.

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