Stoic Lessons From 3 Cities in 3 Days

0:00Ryan Holiday: We just got back from an amazing vacation in Italy. I'll bring you some clips from it over the next couple weeks. I recorded a bunch of stuff while we were there. Although it was as hot as it has literally ever been. It's one of the best family trips we've ever had. And we stayed in this amazing palazzo that we booked on Airbnb. It was like 500 years old. It had all these Roman funerary headstones in it, which is this crazy memento mori thing. It was like staying in a museum. The hosts were incredible. They lovingly restored this place. They took amazing care of it. And by listing their place on Airbnb, they get to share this amazing experience with people from all over the world and get funds to put towards upkeeping and restoring their place.

0:43Ryan Holiday: If you're planning a trip this summer, it's worth considering listing your place on Airbnb. It can be a great way to help offset the cost of your vacation and earn a little extra money to put towards your next adventure. Your place might be worth more than you think. And all you got to do is go to airbnb.com slash host to find out more. Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast, designed to help bring those four key stoic virtues, courage, discipline, justice, and wisdom into the real world.

1:14Ryan Holiday: Hey, it's Ryan. Welcome to another episode of the Daily Stoic Podcast. I don't know when you're going to be listening to this, but I am recording this just after getting back to Austin after a bit of a crazy period. My truck just said it's 113 degrees, so pulled up to the bookstore, so that's brutal. It was less brutal where I was. I dropped my kids off at school on Tuesday, and I was supposed to fly to Minneapolis shortly thereafter. And as I'm dropping them off, If I get a text from Delta, the flights, 30 minutes delayed and another text, 45, then it's like an hour and 15. And I was going to leave a little bit early.

1:56Ryan Holiday: You know, I probably get there almost two hours before my flight took off, which is not something you need to do in Austin. One of the reasons we live here, one of the things I love about it here, it's an easy place to get in and out of. Plus you can fly in sometimes same day. So I'm doing a talk at night and I was, you know, my plan was I was going to run in Minneapolis, which I love to do, just an absolutely lovely city to go running in. Actually kind of reminds me of Austin. You run along the water. This is a little better water there in Minneapolis. You're at the headwaters of the Mississippi, basically.

2:27Ryan Holiday: But I thought, you know what? Instead of being crammed later, like this flight gets delayed, and then I got to rush to the hotel, and then I'm thinking about, you know, I'm just trying to anticipate some of my own patterns, which is like I like to run before I talk. It helps me get regulated. I work through what I'm going to talk about. And I was like, I'll just run here in Austin because I have this extra time. Then I won't get to do it where I want to run, but I'll just be less stressed later. So instead of having dead time, I'm going to have some alive time. So go for a lovely run for my kid's school, get down, see the water here in Austin.

3:03Ryan Holiday: Then I'm on my way back. And I was like, hadn't totally thought it through because I'm like, now I'm soaked in sweat. What could I do? I was like, oh, you know what? I'll head over to Barton Springs. I'll just jump in the water, Barton Springs, get dressed, go to the airport, got plenty of time. And then I get a text from both the airline and my speaking agent at the same time. Hey, great news. Your flight's moved up 57 minutes. So basically on time. And I am soaking in sweat and not near the airport. So I And then I'm having to go, okay, what am I going to dry myself off with? Believe it or not, I don't have just a dry towel in the truck.

3:47Ryan Holiday: I thought maybe there'd be baby wipes or something left over when our kids are little somewhere in the glove compartment. You know, pulling into the Austin Airport garage and getting out. Some guy's coming around, you know, landing from a trip, bringing his thing, and I get out. Don't have a shirt on. My shorts are drenched. Don't have socks on. And he's just looking at me like, Like, are you a member of civilization? Have you been to an airport before? Thankfully, I had like an extra sweatshirt or something in the suitcase. And I was like, OK, I'm probably not going to need this on this trip.

4:17Ryan Holiday: This will be what I dry off on. So I dried off. I got in the stuff. I rushed through security at the airport. I made it with a few minutes to spare. And then I took a whore bath in the bathroom, as they call it, with some paper towels. And thankfully, I wasn't sitting next to anyone in the plane. I had like, you know, seat 2A or whatever. So I was by myself. And so I thought as I'm rushing through the airport, you know, first I was peeved that I was going to be extra delayed. And then I was stressed I was going to miss my flight. And here I am at the airport. It's like, make up your mind, dude.

4:49Ryan Holiday: Right. This is, I think, something that stoicism helps us with. Right. It's like one thing happens and you're like, oh, that's not good. I'd rather it be this. Then it goes back to what you wanted. And you're like, oh, well, now that's inconvenient for me. I want it to be that. So I was on my way to Barton Springs. I was going to jump in the water and so I was all sweaty on the plane. And then they moved it up 45 minutes. So now I got to be flexible with my flexible plans. But I made it with, I don't know, 10 minutes to spare. So I went from being frustrated I was going to have to sit around waiting to now I'm rushing.

5:24Ryan Holiday: That's just how it goes. I just tried to say, hey, look, you made it. You're going to be on the plane that is going to the place you are going. You made it. And I did. I made it to Minneapolis. caught an uber it was a nice easy drive into the city get to the hotel and then i had um made it to minneapolis uh got a nice walk-in while i was there i had lunch at this lovely indigenous restaurant there was like a native american restaurant attached to the guthrie theater which is right next to where we were staying and uh there i was i was reading willy cather's death comes for the archbishop while i was eating buffalo bone marrow and i just thought this is the life, man.

6:05Ryan Holiday: This is the life. I went and I did the talk. It was great. Here, I'll play you a little clip of the intro. I love being in Minneapolis. I went for a nice walk along the water today. I'm gonna go for a run tomorrow. I just, I love being here. I love Austin. I would live here in two seconds. So I'm just, I'm kind of a warm weather guy. In January, the average temperature in Austin is 62 degrees. You guys know what it is here? Can you compete with that at all? No, it was lovely today. That's basically a nice December or February in Austin. No, I love it here. My problem is I just, I fucking hate ice.

6:50Ryan Holiday: That's my real problem.

7:00Ryan Holiday: and so the people in minneapolis were wonderful my friend joey coleman and his family came to the talk we had dinner with him after he wrote this great book called never lose another customer again which you should check out he and i had actually just bumped into each other we're both giving a talk to microsoft in seattle i don't know if you saw me in my seattle gig um which was part of the same tour. I'd done a gig for Microsoft the day before, and he and I had a lovely chat while we hung out in the hotel lobby that night. So it's been a while since I'd seen him. That was nice. Known him forever.

7:33Ryan Holiday: Got up the next morning, did my long run in Minneapolis, did about eight and a half miles. I've done that run in all weather, cold, warm. This was just absolutely delightful. And then wrote some Daily Dad emails in the hotel. Those will be coming out soon if you don't get the Daily Dad email. And then I got in the car, went to the airport, and flew to Chicago. Slept the whole flight. You know, I used to be very productive on flights. I do a lot of writing, reading. You know, ever since I had kids, I just immediately fall asleep. I'm like, this is my chance to take an uninterrupted nap, which I did.

8:13Ryan Holiday: Took a nice nap on the plane, landed in Chicago and, you know, just sort of killed some time and then went and did my talk. We were at this thing called the Copernicus Theater in Chicago, which was just absolutely incredible. It's called like an atmospheric theater. I think there's not very many of them in the world. I did read there might be one in New Zealand. I wonder if that's where when I'm doing my talks in New Zealand in October, if it will be at a similar theater. Chicago was great. Almost 1 ,100 people came out to the talk, which was just, you know, absolutely unreal. You know, when you write about an obscure school of ancient philosophy, this is just not what I expected.

9:00Ryan Holiday: And I'm grateful for it. I'm excited by it. You know, it's just a joy to be able to do, to be able to do this, to be able to see you guys, the Q &A, the VIP stuff beforehand, where I get to meet, you know, 100 or so people, take pictures and we chat about stuff. I get to answer questions. I get to send books. My favorite part of the meet and greet thing is people bring me their copies of The Daily Stoic, which they have 10 years of wear and tear on, or their copy of Meditations, which I can see, you know, looks as beaten up as my paperback copy of Meditations. Or people come, you know, a middle-aged father with his teenage son, or, you know, a mom and her daughter.

9:42Ryan Holiday: Like it's just, I love it when it's, sometimes it's the kids bringing the parents. Sometimes it's the parents bringing the kids. I will say it was just absolutely, oh man, it hit me so hard. In Chicago, this kid got up and asked a question. He was nine at my son's age. And it was just the absolute sweetest thing. So I'll give you a backstory and then I'll play it. I forgot my copy of Meditations in the hotel room. And I like to read from it on stage, like certain quotes. I want to get them exactly right. And so I had to take one from the merch stuff at the back of the room. I said at the beginning, look, I'll give whoever asked the best question this book at the end.

10:26Ryan Holiday: And this kid asked a question and let me play it for you.

10:59or know of that just isn't very popular or well-known?

11:13Ryan Holiday: Well, I'm sorry to hear you're going through that. I completely know who's getting the book.

11:31Ryan Holiday: Let's find one here. This one's good. Okay. And maybe this applies to what you're going through. It says, Frightened of change, but what can exist without it? What's closer to nature's heart? Can you take a hot bath and leave the firewood as it was? Eat food without transforming it? Can any vital process take place without something being changed? Can't you see it's just the same with you and just as vital to nature? He says actually something similar to this later in meditation where he says, you know, you couldn't exist without change. Like, you didn't exist and then you came into existence.

12:18Ryan Holiday: And then obviously we see that as a good change. and then all sorts of other changes we try to beat back the currents against like Gatsby or we try to resist, we try to fight, even though years in the future we'll look back on whatever it is, including something painful like you're going through and we'll see it ultimately as something formative, something that shape is something that we're proud that we've figured out how to get through and we've made it through. but there's a lot here it's a book you read over and over again and the book that i you know the book that i read when i was 19 years old this one is the same book that i just opened and read a passage to you now but i understand it differently because i'm different the pages stay the same but but we change and so um i'll sign this for you i'll come to you and and hopefully it's something on stage with you, all right?

13:10All right, let's do it.

13:14Ryan Holiday: It absolutely broke my heart. They came backstage after, and he was just the sweetest kid, and we hung out and talked for a bit. That was lovely, and his father sent me a nice email after. But you know who else was in Chicago, which was really cool? Rob Kersen, who I've known forever. He wrote one of my favorite books of all time, one of the greatest narrative nonfiction books of all time, Shadow Divers, which you should check out. It was funny, he and I were talking because we had the same publisher in the UK, they just bought it and brought it back into print. And it's for some insane reason fallen out of print.

13:43Ryan Holiday: And so, you know, we're talking about that. It has this incredible cover. I'm sure the US one is cool too, but Shadow Dives is one of my favorites, which if you haven't read, you absolutely should. So anyways, you know, had a nice dinner after the talk, went back to the room, crashed, packed up, and then the third and final talk. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. You've probably heard of today's sponsor. You've almost certainly heard me talk about going to therapy. And you've probably heard about it on this podcast because I've been going to therapy longer than I've been doing Daily Stoic.

14:17Ryan Holiday: And BetterHelp has been a sponsor of the Daily Stoic podcast basically since we started. More than 6 million people have used BetterHelp globally. And you can check out the reviews for yourself at betterhelp.com slash reviews to see how amazing their customer reviews are. People are getting better with BetterHelp. BetterHelp has an average live therapy session rating of 4.9 out of 5 on over 1.7 million client session reviews. This is feedback from people who have actually used the service. And if you're ready to give therapy a try for yourself, BetterHelp makes it easy to get started. You ask a couple questions, they match you with a therapist based on your needs, and you can switch at any time if it's not the right fit.

15:03Ryan Holiday: Just visit BetterHelp.com slash Daily Stoic Pod. Better H-E-L-P dot com slash Daily Stoic Pod. Recording this on a Sunday, just spent a nice lovely day at home, kind of redecorating the house. Just, you know, school's going to start soon. We want to get this space, like, less stressful, just set up better. and so the first place we checked was Wayfair because on Wayfair you'll find the stuff you need stuff that stands up to real life they've got furniture and decor all of it built to last and when you shop with Wayfair verified you get pieces that are hand vetted by product specialists using a 10-point quality inspection they test the materials the functionality the features even how long it takes to build one of the good things about Wayfair is the reviews they've got more than 20 million verified five-star reviews from real shoppers you get to see real customer photos and feedback before you buy right sometimes it looks good in the photo but you know you've experienced this like the hotel lobby looks good but you want to see the actual room from an actual human being well wayfair lets you see that with the stuff you're buying for your house and wayfair rewards members get five percent back every day helping you get more value from your wayfair purchases.

16:19Ryan Holiday: Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5 % back on every purchase and start saving on your next home upgrade. Head over to Wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's Wayfair, W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com. Wayfair, every style, every home. Wayfair, every style, every home. So woke up the next morning early. I went for this run. We were staying kind of near the airport, not like in the city itself. I love running, you know, along like Michigan and Chicago, but didn't get a chance to do that. But I went running and then I had this weird sense of deja vu because I remember like eight or so years ago, I gave this talk.

16:55Ryan Holiday: This is right when Ego's the Enemy had come out. So almost 10 years ago, probably. I gave this talk to True Value, the hardware company, which is based near O 'Hare. And my routine hasn't changed that much. I got up early and went for a run. And I'm in this park and there's just the biggest, tamest deer I've ever seen in my life. Like in Texas, we have a lot of deer, but I mean, people hunt them. And so they're skittish. I mean, I see them on the ranch. It always makes my heart jump a little bit. I love it, but they're not just big and slow and docile. And as I was running, you know, running along this just sort of road and then I turn into this park and all of a sudden I'm like, oh, this is the park.

17:34Ryan Holiday: And I was like, I remember seeing those deer here. And then just this like, you know, big buck just trots in front of me, like moments later. And, you know, all the crazy things that have happened since all the things that have happened in my life since, you know, like these deer are just hanging out in this park still. It remains unchanged. Try, you know, I think about you feel like everything is front and center. Everything knows what's happening. Everything is all being affected by everything that's happening, but it isn't. There's a great line in Milan Kundera's unbearable lightness of being is sort of war-torn and then Cold War Europe about how, you know, even in the worst of times, peace reigns in the cemetery.

18:16Ryan Holiday: This wasn't a cemetery. It's just a nice little park, but I had a little of that feeling. And then got on the plane, flew to Detroit, much shorter flight. And for some reason I was in Dearborn. The gig was in closer to the city, but I was staying at the Dearborn Inn, which is right next to the Ford headquarters. and uh just remember like there's a really cool museum here right and of course there was this the henry ford museum he was a collector of cool stuff historical artifacts and uh so i look at my watch i still have to prep for my talk i try to do a different talk or more or less a different talk in each city um when i do these tours i want to change it up i want to get better at what i do So I always try to cycle in new stories and just not do the same thing over and over again.

19:02Ryan Holiday: So I still had to do my slides. So I ordered lunch at the hotel, doing my slides. And then I'm like, I think I have time to go to this museum. But for some reason, there's no Uber. So I got to walk there like Ubers are taking forever. So I walk there and walk like a mile, get to the thing. And I'm just blown away. I mean, I'm looking at the chair that Lincoln was assassinated in. I'm sitting in the seat that Rosa Parks refuses to get up that sets in motion the civil rights movement. If you haven't read the Taylor Branch series on Martin Luther King and the civil rights movement, it's just a life-changing book for me.

19:35Ryan Holiday: And you're just like, oh, this is where that happened. It started here. And you're struck by like how small it is. Like that was my feeling. I was just thinking like she was so much closer to the people that would have been staring daggers into her than I would have thought. And I said this to one of the docents who's standing there, you know, protecting this sacred object. And he goes, the crazier thing is that the bus driver has to leave to go get the police. And so she has to sit on the bus with the people who are not just mad at her for challenging segregation, but are mad at her for making them late to wherever they're going.

20:08Ryan Holiday: And just the tangibleness of that feeling was so powerful. There's some things that you can't fully understand until you experience them. And then I walk outside to the village that's attached to the museum. First, I'm standing in front of Edison's factory. The thing I write about in The Obstacles Away, like one of the first stories that I feel like as a writer, I just absolutely nailed and that I've told in my talks forever. Actually, I recorded a little thing in front of it. Do you know what Thomas Edison said when this factory was burning down? He grabbed his son, shell-shocked, their life's work, his inheritance going up in flames.

20:51Ryan Holiday: And he said, go get your mother and all her friends. They'll never see a fire like this again. And supposedly he paces up and down watching this surreal fire, which is throwing all these weird colors and heat up into the air. And he starts to repeat that line from Kipling's if about meeting triumph and disaster all the same. And he really means this. The next day he tells reporters, you know, I've been through things like this before. He says it prevents an old man from being afflicted with ennui. He says it's going to prevent me from getting bored. And in fact, the final act of his life is throwing himself into the rebuilding, into more inventions, into more work.

21:29Ryan Holiday: He comes to this crossroads and instead of taking the route of despair and disappointment and grievance, takes the route of inspiration and urgency and renewed focus. It's this stoic idea of amor fati. You can't do anything about the fire. You can't put it out. It's gone. All of it's going to burn down. That's what technology was at the time. But you can choose how you respond. You can choose what you make of it. You can choose what you turn it into. You can choose the story you tell yourself about it. That is stoicism. We don't control what happens. We control how we respond to what happens. We don't run away from our fate.

22:04Ryan Holiday: We embrace our fate and we allow it to make us better in ways that we couldn't have possibly ever imagined. And that happened right here. And then I walk over and there's the Logan County Courthouse, the courthouse that Lincoln practiced law in. A thing I wrote about at length in the last book in Wisdom Takes Work about how he develops as a lawyer and as a thinker and as a leader. I recorded a little something about that. Do you know how Abraham Lincoln earned the nickname Honest Abe? It was actually as a lawyer. He earned it in that very courthouse and courthouses like it. And by the way, even though he had a sense of humor, he would have hated lawyer jokes.

22:47Ryan Holiday: He would have hated the implication that lawyers are, as a rule, dishonest. In fact, he said, if you cannot be an honest lawyer, resolve to be an honest person who is not a lawyer. For Lincoln, as for the Stoics, justice wasn't what happened in the law books or in a law court or with judges and juries. Justice was first and foremost a personal virtue. It's your sense of integrity, your sense of fair play, how you treated other people, the standards you held yourself to. Did you keep your word? Did you treat people well? Right? Did you treat your clients well? He earns the reputation as honest Abe because he doesn't rip off his clients.

23:26Ryan Holiday: He gives them good advice. He urges them to settle, to compromise. He doesn't encourage frivolous litigation, even though this comes at the expense of his personal billable hours. The idea of being honest is a sacrosanct virtue for the Stoics, and it's one we could all get a little bit better at practicing in our personal lives, and especially in industries where people are skeptical and cynical. Harry Truman, another great American president, had a quote from Mark Twain on his desk, like he had the buck stops here. It said, always do right. This will gratify some and astonish the rest. That's what Lincoln was talking about.

24:02Ryan Holiday: Be honest, especially in a profession where people are cynical, where the standards are low. Hold yourself to a high standards. It doesn't matter what other people get away with. It doesn't matter the standards other people hold themselves to. Do the right thing because it's the right thing. Be honest. Tell the truth. Be a good person. That's what justice is about. Again, listening to sort of one of the docents explain what's there. He's like, look, all this floor up by where the benches are, you know, that was replaced. But he's like, this wood here, this is the original wood. You were walking where Lincoln paced.

24:34Ryan Holiday: I just sort of stood there thinking about Lincoln pacing back and forth, waiting for his case to get called up. And I just thought, wow, this is amazing. So I got carried away there and then was pretty rushed. Had to rush back to the hotel, get ready. turns out some of my slides hadn't saved so i had to do them again and then i went to detroit where i gave what i i think was the best talk of the three i thought it went wonderful uh the people there were great it was another very cool atmospheric theater but atmospheric and then for some reason set in japan the walls of the theater the sort of boxes to the to the left and right of the stage were imperial japan themed um so that was uh that was a little surreal but anyways, went great.

25:18Ryan Holiday: And then I back to the hotel, packed up, slept, flew home that morning. And that was the end of the trip. It was a crazy period. Three days, three talks, three cities, not much margin for error, a little bit stressed going into it, especially because when I do these talks, I try to do a different talk each time because I try not to recycle the same things. I don't want to do it like a script. I want to actually say something that makes sense to those people that speaks to where my books overlap with their experience or that location. So I knew it was going to be a lot. And I knew I'd feel better once it was done, but going into it, I was pretty stressed.

26:03Ryan Holiday: And then almost immediately problems arose. I know I said at the beginning, this is going to be, you know, three days, but it was a little longer than that, I guess, because got back, Went for a run. Picked up my kids from school. It was like this full circle thing. Picked up my kids from school. And we went to the park. There's supposed to be a splash pad. It was closed. They got a little mad. Like I should have known. But for some reason, they closed the Pease Park splash pad at 2.30 in the afternoon in Texas. Literally the time the kids would be most likely to use it and most want to use it.

26:37Ryan Holiday: But we had to manage some of our expectations. My son was pretty upset with me. He takes any time you say we're going to do something and it doesn't work out. It's the breaking of a promise. But then the shoe was on the other foot because he was with his friends and he wanted to show them this like little creek down there that he spent some time in during one of his summer camps this year. And we walk all the way down there. It takes like a little over half a mile. And then the water was disgusting and you couldn't go in. And I go, this is what happened, but you couldn't have known. It's the same thing that I just did, but I don't think he fully got it.

27:10Ryan Holiday: anyways it was a lovely trip full circle and then the re-entry is always the hardest part after a couple days on the road but uh woke up the next day and i don't know how we missed it but some of the kids from my boys outdoor school and the place they go to summer camp the kids had organized a protest against this huge data center power plant they want to build out right next to it that they want tax abatements for. Unbelievably, there are some places where the data centers, you know, like actually are making a difference to the tax base and they're helping the community. And this is not one of those for sure.

27:47Ryan Holiday: And they were trying to do it Texas style, which is sort of sneakily and, uh, and not following the rules. And so it was, uh, it was lovely to see my kids at this protest. They marched, they made signs, they were singing songs. One of the kids, not one of mine, but one of the nine-year-olds got up and gave a talk into a bullhorn and just looked around and like every parent was crying, myself included. It was just so, so powerful and beautiful. And, you know, if you do live in Bastrop or you live in Texas, you can reach out to the governor, you can reach out to your local reps, you can reach out to your city council.

28:17Ryan Holiday: That's what we have been doing. We've been trying to show our kids that if you think something's ill-advised, if you disagree with it, well, you do get a say. And you're only going to get to say you speak up and demand. And that's what my kids did. And I couldn't have been prouder of them. I'm so grateful to all of you who came out to the talks in Minneapolis, in Chicago, and Detroit. I'm going to be doing some more. I'm going to be in Nashville, Boston, Philadelphia, DC in November and December. In October, I'm going to be in Uckland, Sydney, Brisbane, Melbourne, Perth. I'd love to see you and grab tickets at dailystoiclive.com.

28:57Ryan Holiday: I'll talk to y 'all soon. Thanks