The One Thing In Your Life You Can Control | The Obstacle Is The Way

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1:09whether the contractor finishes the job in time, whether that idiot in front of you drives right. People can mess up our day. They can mess up our margins. They can imperil our safety. But it has always been thus. Marcus Aurelius opens Book 2 of Meditations with a meditation on precisely this, preparing himself in the morning for what he's likely to encounter. He didn't control other people or external events, he understood, but he did control whether he allowed them to change who he was, whether he allowed them to implicate him in ugliness, as he put it. He controlled, in short, how he responded.

1:49It's not much, but it's plenty. And the paradox is that the more we control ourselves, the more we end up shaping the world around us. That's why when we focus on what's in our control, on what's up to us, we find that it's more than enough. Not only does it become a kind of hidden superpower, power but also a secret source of peace.

2:17We just took our kids to an outdoor performance at the Nutcracker. They had a snow cone and then they went insane in the car ride home. And one of the things I try to remind myself when that's happening is that I don't control my kids' behavior, especially when they're too far gone like that, but I do control how I respond, right? That's stoicism, but it's also what Dr. Becky talks about. Dr. Becky is a clinical psychologist and a best-selling author, and she founded Good Inside, which is there to give parents practical, actionable tools for handling those everyday challenges with confidence. My wife introduced me to Dr.

2:54Becky's books. I love them. I've recommended them a million times. I've had her on the podcast. And as it happens, Dr. Becky is hosting two live Q &A events for good inside members. I am one of them. She signed me up for it about a year and a half ago. I've loved it ever since. On December 1st, you can join Dr. Becky for her How Not to Raise Assholes event, which is about avoiding entitlement and raising kind, empathetic kids. And on December 15th, she's hosting her How Not to Lose It Over the Holidays event, which I'm sure we could all use. As I said, I'm a big fan of Dr. Becky. She's been a great influence for me as a parent and just as a human being.

3:35And Daily Stoic listeners can join for 15 % off with code STOIC15. You just got to head over to goodinside.com to catch the events. The obstacle is the way. This is the June 30th entry in the Daily Stoic. Of course, also referencing the title of my first book on Stoicism. So let's get into today's quote, because we have the fuller quote here from Mark Surrealis. People don't know this quote that I derive the obstacles away from comes from Meditations 520. Mark Surrealis says, while it's true that someone can impede our actions, they can't impede our intentions and our attitudes, which have the power of being conditional and adaptable.

4:18For the mind adapts and converts any obstacle to its actions into a means of achieving it. That which is an impediment to action is turned to advance action. The obstacle on the path becomes the way. And I will give you the Hayes translation as well because I just love it. I actually think there's a really good translation. I'm a big fan of Pierre Hadeau and his book The Inner Citadel, which I carry at The Painted Porch. We'll link to it in today's episode. But Hadeau does his own translation of meditations, which has not been published except for the excerpts in the book. And there's a really good one inside the inner citadel, which you should read.

4:55But here's Hayes' rendering of the same passage, Meditations 520. In a sense, people are our proper occupation. Our job is to do them good and to put up with them. But when they obstruct our proper tasks, they become irrelevant to us, like sun and wind and animals. Our actions may be impeded by them, but there can be no impeding our intentions or our dispositions. because we can accommodate and adapt. The mind adapts and converts to its own purposes the obstacle to our acting. The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way. I just love that passage, and I'll give you what I say in the Daily Stoic.

5:36Today, things will happen that will be contrary to your plans. If not today, then certainly tomorrow. And as a result of these obstacles, you will not be able to do what you planned. That is not as bad as it seems because your mind is infinitely elastic and adaptable. You have the power to use the stoic exercise of turning obstacles upside down, which takes one negative circumstance and uses it as an opportunity to practice an unintended virtue or form of excellence. If something prevents you from getting to your destination on time, then this is a chance to practice patience. If an employee makes an expensive mistake, then this is a chance to teach a valuable lesson.

6:15If a computer glitch erases your work, then it is a chance to start over with a clean slate. If someone hurts you, it is a chance to practice forgiveness. If something is hard, it is a chance to get stronger. Try this line of thinking and see if there is a situation in which one could not find some virtue to practice or derive some benefit. The truth is there isn't one. Every impediment can advance action in some form or another. I think a couple of things here. I'm not saying that some terrible thing, awful, unfortunate, tragic event that happened is just wonderful. It's that the nature of that event presents within it opportunities to be great.

6:56No one would choose this. I have tried to focus on my family. I have tried to focus on being more community minded, tried to focus on my stillness. I've tried to focus on improving my work habits. I've tried to focus on being present. I've tried to adjust my news habits. My marriage is better. I have improved in innumerable ways. The thing happened, and it is a chance to step up, to grow, to change, to practice different virtues. That's what the obstacle is the way means. It's not that every negative thing is positive. It's that there is a chance to practice positive traits in response to the things that have happened.

7:34But second, if you notice the full quote from Marcus, and the obstacles away, I'm really talking about all forms of obstacles. But Marcus is specifically talking about difficult people. He's saying difficult people are a chance to practice these virtues. That when someone is frustrating or mean or stupid or annoying or dishonest or cruel or aggressive, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. These are opportunities to call from yourself positive virtues. patience, kindness, forgiveness, creativity, et cetera. You got to use that situation. So that's what the obstacle is the way means to me. That's why I have it tattooed here on my left arm.

8:14That's why we make the challenge coin. By the way, I don't know if you know this, but if you've liked the obstacles the way you want to give it as a gift, we have a leather bound edition, which you can check out in the Daily Stoic store or you pick up the painted porch. But the point is, this is the philosophy with which I try to live my life. Stuff happens. How do we grow from it? How do we improve from it? How do we use it as an opportunity to be better? Will it make you a better person or a worse one? That's the part of it you decide. That's what the obstacle is the way means. That's what Marcus is saying.

8:46And as it happens, there's also a Zen expression. The obstacle is the path. The obstacle is the way. The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way. Don't forget it. And of course, check out The Leather Bound at store.dailystoic.com. And we have a really cool challenge coin you can carry with you too. Actually, and if I remember correctly, the book comes with a challenge coin. So you can get two for one there.

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