This is the Deads Day | Harsh Truths From The Stoics

0:05Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast, where each day we bring you a Stoic inspired meditation designed to help you find strength and insight and wisdom into everyday life. Each one of these episodes is based on the 2 ,000-year-old philosophy that has guided some of history's greatest men and women to help you learn from them, to follow in their example, and to start your day off with a little dose of courage and discipline and justice and wisdom. For more, visit DailyStoic.com.

0:56It's Halloween here in America, which is a fun holiday for children. It's full of masks and candy and staying up late. In Mexico, however, tomorrow is the beginning of Dia de los Muertos, a more adult and philosophical holiday. All throughout Mexico, people will gather not for treats, but to celebrate and remember their friends and family who have died. It is in a sense a three-day commemoration, the idea of memento mori, a kind of collective bereavement mixed with the fun of a jazz funeral. The great Montaña, and if you haven't read his famous essays or Sarah Bakewell's How to Live, you must, he would tell a story that had trickled back to him from the New World, of an ancient drinking game where the members took turns holding up a painting of a corpse inside a coffin and cheered, drink and be merry for when you are dead you will look like this.

1:47And this cheeky but also profound observation captures the spirit of Dia de los Muertos as well, with its imagery of skulls and skeletons, the makeup, the music, the dancing, the praying, the altars set up to honor those who have left. It may seem strange to celebrate death in this way and stranger still to involve children in it. But is it really any stranger than banishing all thoughts of death from our lives and letting it return to us only as a dreaded nightmare? Or pretending that the one thing that is guaranteed to happen to all of us doesn't even exist? There is real value in taking time to process and grieve and dance with the morbidity of our mortality, of creating a ritual that allows us to come to terms with this essential part of our existence.

2:32Better to be on good terms with death and to schedule an annual checkup than to be surprised and shocked by this enemy we all share. So drink and be married and celebrate the day of the dead. Say goodbye to the people you have lost and enjoy the people you are lucky enough to still have with you. That's all we can do. That's what my memento mori coin on my desk is all about. And I'm recording this on a Monday and Monday is our grocery store day in our family. I usually pick my kids up from school and we go over to Whole Foods, get all our groceries for the week. Although here very shortly, we're going to go over there to get our Thanksgiving turkey because they've got a bunch of great options.

3:15Turkeys start at$1.49 a pound if you have prime with organic birds at$2.99 a pound. And they only carry no antibiotic ever turkeys that will bring quality to your table at a great price. Whole Foods has great everyday prices on all your Thanksgiving essentials, whether you celebrate with a massive family or just a few close friends. Everything they sell has high standards to help you shop with confidence. Enjoy so many ways to save on your Thanksgiving spread at Whole Foods Market. Thanks to Toyota Trucks for sponsoring this episode. When I bought my ranch in 2015 out here in Bastro County, I drove my car about halfway way down the dirt road that we live on, thought this isn't going to work, stopped, parked it, walked the rest of the way home, borrowed my wife's car, drove into Austin and bought a truck.

4:01What I bought was a Toyota Tacoma. And this truck wasn't just transportation getting me to and from my house. It unlocked a whole different style of living for us, not just on the ranch, but in our little Texas towns. There were places I could go now that I couldn't go before, especially out here in the piney forests, through the fields, and on the unpaved roads like the one that I lived in. We got to go deep into the hill country's wild beauty. We've driven all the way out to East Texas. We've driven across the country. And by we, I mean not just my wife, but both my kids who I drove home from the hospital in that truck.

4:43Toyota trucks are built for those who understand that the best adventures happen when you're willing to veer off course, because you never know when you'll end up on a Toyota adventure detour. And of course, this is stoicism too, because every detour, every obstacle is an opportunity. But it's helpful if you can handle the difficulty inherent in that. If you've got the resilience and the right companion to make it wherever the road takes you, discover your uncharted territory. Learn more at toyota.com slash trucks slash adventure dash detours. And I hope you can grab one and check them out at store.dailystoic.com.

5:30The Stoics didn't dance around the truth. In fact, Marcus Aurelius hated people who said, let me be honest with you. He said, no, it should be written on your forehead that what you say is what you mean. If it's not true, don't say it. But conversely, I think also if it is true, you have to say it. Nobody said the truth would be easy, but that doesn't make it any less essential. And that's what I'm going to talk about in today's video. I'm not going to tell you what you want to hear. I'm going to tell you what the Stoics think you need to hear.

6:05You got to stop saying maybe when what you really mean is no, and you definitely have to stop saying yes to so many things. The question Marcus Rios said we need to ask is, is this thing necessary? Because he said so much of what we do is not necessary. It's not essential. We have to eliminate it if we want to do the essential things better. We do too many things because people ask. We do too many things because we've always done them. We do too many things because we are afraid to say no.

6:36Marcus Rios, when he woke up and he wanted to stay in bed, he said, is this what you were put here for to huddle under the covers and stay warm. No, he said go and do what your nature, what your potential demands.

6:50Most things are not in your control. It would be nicer if they were, but they aren't. So you have to practice acceptance. The Stoics call this the art of acquiescence. They call this resignation. There's all the things happening in the world and the tiny bit of them that are in your control. The Stoics need you to accept that the world does not revolve around you, that you are not important, but that doesn't mean you're powerless, right? So you don't control what happens, but you control how you respond to what happens.

7:22Do not be a know-it-all. The thing about being a know-it-all is that you're right. It becomes impossible for you to learn anything else. Epictetus's line was, it is impossible to learn that which you think you already know. Humility is the way to learn and get better.

7:40The people you meet are gonna suck. This is the harsh truth that Mark Stavilius opens meditations with. He says they're gonna be jealous and annoying and difficult and stupid. They're gonna be all these things. We know they're gonna be these things. We have to go into the day with our eyes wide open. That's the harsh truth part of it. But the uplifting part, the happy part of it is the second part. He says, but they can't implicate you in ugliness. This is more importantly, remember that you're made to work together. That life is incomplete without those kinds of people. and that we're related and that we share an affinity and a bond for each other.

8:11We can't be surprised by it. We can't let it suck us down and we can't let it change us for the negative. We still have to be good. We still have to do our job. We still have to play our part.

8:25Ambition is a form of insanity, right? At the essence of Stoic philosophy is focusing on what we control. We don't control what other people say or do or think. I try to write really good books. I've had to do a lot of work to realize I don't control whether they become a bestseller or not. The New York Times decides that. Mark Sturlus explains this perfectly. He says, ambition is when we tie our happiness to what other people do or say or decide. He says, sanity is when we tie it to our own action. So I have to define success as writing the best book that I'm capable of, of fulfilling my own artistic vision.

9:04Everything else, right, what the gatekeepers decide, what the audience decides, when they decide it, that has to be seen as extra unless I want to go insane.

9:18You and most people are illiterate. Not literally illiterate, but functionally illiterate. General James Mattis, former Secretary of Defense, four-star general in the Marines, he says, if you haven't read hundreds of books, you are functionally illiterate. Epictetus said, it doesn't matter that you read. It matters what you read. I would argue it matters how you read. Are you reading diligently? Are you reading the master thinkers? Are you rereading the master thinkers? As Seneca said, we have to do. We have to come back to the cortex over and over and over again, really understand them, really bring them into our DNA.

9:57We can't just be satisfied getting the gist of things, as Mark Cerellus learned from his philosophy teacher. We have to read deeply. We have to read intensely. We have to read and reread. We have to turn those words into our own words. That is to say, synthesize and then apply them to our lives. And most people just plain aren't doing that, which is why it has been said that there is no difference between someone who does not read and someone who cannot read, right? It's how you read and how much you read and how much work you put in that ultimately determines whether you are literate or not.

10:40Does this thing actually matter? What you have planned for the day, what you've been signed up for, does it actually matter? Mark Serena says we have to constantly ask ourselves, is this thing essential? Because when we eliminate the essential, we get to do the essential things better.

10:57You got to exercise. You have to be active. Now, we're not exercising for vanity purposes. We're not building muscles so we can look jacked, right? We are trying to cultivate strength, physical and mental. Seneca said, we treat the body rigorously so that it's not disobedient to the mind. We are cultivating discipline. When you think of a philosopher, you don't think of an athlete but in the ancient world many of them were. Chrysippus was a runner, Cleanthes was a boxer, Marcus Aurelius was a wrestler. I run and swim and bike. The point is get active, get moving. You need a strong mind in a strong body and that means doing it every day.

11:41If you're not journaling, you are not practicing Stoicism. Seneca, Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius, All the ancient Stoics praised the benefits of journaling, putting it down on the page, working it out on the page. That is to say, instead of on other people, instead of just having it pinging around inside your head, you got to be reflecting. You got to be analyzing. You got to be exploring. You have to be repeating over and over again the lessons from the ancients and the values you are trying to apply in your life. How does Marcus Aurelius become Marcus Aurelius? through his journal. We see in meditations Marcus Aurelius fighting to be the person that philosophy tried to make him.

12:24He is journaling as an active philosophical practice, which you must do also. You have to be reading, not a little bit, but all the time. We must linger on the works of the master thinkers, Seneca said. Over and over again, we have to return to them. The Stoics aren't something you have read. They are something you need to be reading all of your life. And in fact, there is no good life without study and reflection and wisdom. You have to read and not just read, but read actively, read strenuously. As Epictetus says, it's not enough to read. You have to read the right things in the right way.

13:05Go for a walk. I'm not saying walking will solve all your problems. I'm saying very few of your problems will be made worse for walking. Seneca said we need to take these wandering outdoor walks so that the mind can be nourished and refreshed by open air and deep breathing. It calms you down. It gets you out of your head. It gets you out of your room. It gets you outdoors into the world, into the beauty of the natural world. It gets your mind moving. It will make you better.

13:37Stop looking for approval. When you are tempted to look outside yourself for approval, Epictetus says, you have compromised your integrity. If you need a witness, he said, be your own. Marcus Rilla said, it's the craziest thing in the world. We love ourselves more than other people, but for some reason we care about other people's opinions more than our own. You have to stop complaining, not just out loud, but in your own mind too. Mark Serila said, let no one overhear you complaining, not even yourself. Complaining doesn't make things better. It only makes you feel worse.

14:19Stop wasting your time. Death is coming for us all, but not at the end of our life, Seneca said. No, we are dying every day. Every minute that passes is as good as dead to us. It is gone forever. How much time have you already wasted on your phone today? How much time have you wasted ruminating on the past or worrying about the future? Now is now. It is the only thing you have for certain. Memento mori. You are mortal. Live and act accordingly.

14:53Stop doing it the easy way. Look, when you have two choices in life, the Stoics say you should choose the one that challenges you the most. In meditations, Mark Sturilius talks about practicing holding the reins of his horse in his non-dominant hand. He wanted to get used to doing it the way that was not easy or natural to him. This is a metaphor for doing the difficult thing. Take the long way. Take the way you're less comfortable with. Try it a new way. Try it with your non-dominant hand and watch as you get better.

15:30stop meddling in other people's business mistakes marx really says in meditations should be left to their makers they're on their own journey they're doing their own thing you have enough to focus on when you're perfect when you are flawless then you can get up in other people's business but for now work on your own enlightenment and your own improvement

15:55stop talking so much just shut up we have two ears and one mouth for a reason xeno the founder of stoicism said that we are getting in our own way when we are talking you know what we're doing we're not listening

16:13you have to stop puffing yourself up stop putting on airs don't talk about it the stoics say embody it. The number one impediment to growth and knowledge, Zeno said, was conceit. Ego is the enemy. When you are puffing yourselves up, when you're proud of all that you have accomplished, you know what you're doing? You're not getting better. You're not growing. You're becoming self-satisfied and complacent instead of focusing on all the work that you have to do on all the things you still have in common with other people.

16:51You got to stop looking for the third thing. Look, you've done something good. That's great, Marcus really said. Someone has benefited from it. It's made the world better. He says, but why, like a fool, do we look for the third thing on top of that? Why do we want credit? Why do we want a favor in return? We did the right thing. We did the nice thing because it was right, because it was nice, because we are generous. We do not need acknowledgement. We do not need a thank you, and we definitely don't need to be paid back. That wasn't why we did it. If we get those things, great, but stop looking for them.

17:32Stop following the mob. You got to think for yourself. Chrysippus, one of the early Stoics, said, look, if I wanted to be part of a mob, I would not have become a philosopher. We have to think for ourselves. We have to go to first principles. Whenever you are on the side of the majority, Mark Twain said, pause and reflect. That doesn't mean it's always wrong, but you must think for yourself first.

17:59Stop thinking about legacy. Stop thinking about fame. You're not going to be able to enjoy posthumous fame. In meditations, Mark Surrealist notes that you won't be around to enjoy what people think of you after you are dead. The fact that we are talking about him right now, 2000 years later, you know what good it does him? Nothing. In meditations, he points out that Alexander the Great and the man's mule driver both die. They're both buried in the same ground. They are equally ignorant of what the future thinks of them now.

18:31Stop extrapolating. Mark Stavrilis, who lived in dangerous times of high infant mortality, he says, my child is sick, but not that they might die of it. He's saying stop there. Extrapolation is what makes us so miserable. It's what makes us so anxious. It's what makes us so scared. He says, don't let your imagination be crushed by life as a whole. He says, stick with the situation at hand. That is enough. Focus on what's in front of you. Tomorrow will take care of itself.

19:05So look, if you liked the ideas in this video and you want a little more wisdom in your life. That's what the new book is about. Wisdom takes work. And it is a lot of work. This is the work of one's life. That's the new book. It's the fourth book in the Stoic Virtue series. And you can grab it anywhere books are sold.

19:25Stop seeking perfection. You will never get there. Although Epictetus taught some great students and met powerful and important people, he said he never expected to meet a full sage. But he said he was plenty happy to meet someone who was just trying to get better every day.

19:46It's not things that upset us, Epictetus says. It is our opinion about things. Things are not asking to be judged by you, Mark Sreelius says in meditations. They are. You're the one that's extrapolating. You're the one that's having opinions. You're the ones who said it was supposed to be a certain way. and now guess what? You're upset that it's not that way. We spend so much time worried about how bad things are gonna be. We torture ourselves more than the thing that we're worried about. Seneca says, he who suffers before it is necessary suffers more than is necessary. And in fact, he said, we suffer more in our imaginations than we do in reality.

20:31Think about it. What are all the things that make you anxious have in common? You, you are the common ingredient in all of them. That's why Marx really says in meditations that he doesn't escape his anxiety. He discards it because it is within him. It's the fault of his perceptions, nothing outside himself.

20:53It's not about you. It doesn't affect you at all. It's not things that upset us. Epictetus says it's our opinions about things. You have decided that this is about you. You have decided that this harms you. You have decided that it was rude. You have decided that they were trying to hurt your feelings. Stop taking it personally. It's not about you.

21:20Make time for some deep work and focus and reflection. In Marcus Aurelius' meditations, he says you have to concentrate on this task before you like a Roman. It says do it like it's the last thing you're doing in your life. I would say do it like it's the only thing in your life. Put the phone away. Close all the tabs in your browser. Don't multitask. Lock in and focus for a large uninterrupted block. This is what Mark Spillis is doing in meditations. This is what the Stoics were doing in their philosophical classes. Stop drifting about. Stop wandering and focus.

22:01Marcus Aurelius didn't give a fuck. He didn't give a fuck what other people thought, and neither should you. The next time you find yourself worrying about what someone else thinks, the next time your feelings are hurt because someone insults you, he says you have to look at what kind of person they are. Think about what they do in private. Think about the standards they hold themselves to. And he says, suddenly you'll find you won't need to strain yourself to impress them.

22:28Epictetus says, when you look to others for approval, you know what you've done? He says, you have betrayed your own integrity. They're not the judge of what's good. They're not the judge of what's virtuous. They're not the judge of what's important. You are. You set the standards for your own life. You know what's good or not. So why are you looking to them? When I wrote The Daily Stoic eight years ago, I had this crazy idea that I would just keep it going. The book was 366 meditations, but I'd write one more every single day and I'd give it away for free as an email. I thought maybe a few people would sign up.

23:03Couldn't have even comprehended a future in which three quarters of a million people would get this email every single day and would for almost a decade. If you want to get the email, if you want to be part of a community that is the largest group of Stoics ever assembled in human history, I'd love for you to join us. You can sign up and get the email totally for free. No spam. You can unsubscribe whenever you want at dailystoic.com slash email.

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