This Is The Highest Form Of Courage | Stop Caring What People Think

0:05Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast, where each day we bring you a Stoic inspired meditation designed to help you find strength and insight and wisdom into everyday life. Each one of these episodes is based on the 2 ,000-year-old philosophy that has guided some of history's greatest men and women, to help you learn from them, to follow in their example, and to start your day off with a little dose of courage and discipline and justice and wisdom. For more, visit dailystoic.com.

0:55Courage often has clear rewards. One takes a risk because there is hope for a payoff, something that others are afraid to reach for. But what about sacrificing oneself or sacrificing everything for something? Human folly, a historian once said, is easier to explain than human valor. On Memorial Day, it is worth reflecting on this very beautiful and almost baffling bit of human greatness. And indeed, it is utterly inexplicable to some. A particularly craven man once stood in a military cemetery and looked out over the graves of those who had been lost in the nation's wars over the centuries. I don't get it, he said derisively.

1:40What was in it for them? When most people ask that question, it's out of a kind of humility and awe, a desire to understand an incredible phenomenon. But for the transactional, the cowardly, or the selfish, the bafflement is sincere. Why would anyone give up their life for someone else? What kind of deal is that? There is courage, we could say, and then there is heroism, the highest form of courage. The kind embodied in those who are willing to give, perhaps give everything, for someone else. Cato, who chose death over kneeling to Caesar, and his daughter Portia following suit by swallowing hot coals.

2:24Thracia and Helvidius, who died in resistance to Nero. Rutilius Rufus, who gave up his home and his livelihood rather than be sucked into Rome's culture of corruption. Stockdale, who perhaps thinking of Cato, tried to kill himself to end the torture of his fellow POWs. There was nothing in it for these men and women, just as there was nothing in it for the soldiers who perished in uniform for their country. But they did it because they knew it wasn't about them. It was about the person next to them. It was about the people back home. It was about the ideals to which they had sworn to uphold and protect.

3:04True heroism shames us. It humbles us. It moves us beyond reason because it came from something beyond reason. It's self-evident why the survival rate of those who managed to touch this greatness is not high. But then again, that is the beauty of it. They died so that we could live. And we fail them and we fail ourselves if we don't wrestle with the meaning of this sacrifice. Happy Memorial Day, everyone. I hope you're enjoying your family. And I hope, as I said, you are wrestling with this form of greatness. Some are called to give.

3:52I'm recording this on a Monday, and Monday is our grocery store day in our family. I usually pick my kids up from school, and we go over to Whole Foods, get all our groceries for the week. Although, here very shortly, we're going to go over there to get our Thanksgiving turkey, because they've got a bunch of great options. Turkeys start at$1.49 a pound, if you have Prime, with organic birds at$2.99 a pound. And they only carry no antibiotic ever turkeys. That will bring quality to your table at a great price. Whole Foods has great everyday prices on all your Thanksgiving essentials. Whether you celebrate with a massive family or just a few close friends, everything they sell has high standards to help you shop with confidence.

4:33Enjoy so many ways to save on your Thanksgiving spread at Whole Foods Market. Stop caring what people think. This is May 26th of the Daily Stoic. And the quote today is from Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 12, 14. I'm constantly amazed by how easily we love ourselves above all others, yet we put more stock in the opinions of others than in our own estimation of self. How much credence we give to the opinions of our peers and how little to our very own. Then the meditation says, how quickly we disregard our own feelings about something and adopt someone else's. We think a shirt looks good at the store, but view it with shame and scorn if our spouse or a co-worker makes an offhanded remark.

5:18We can be immensely happy with our own lives until we find out that someone we don't like has even more. Or worse or more precariously, we can feel good about our accomplishments or talents until some third party validates them. Like most stoic exercises, this one attempts to teach us that although we control our own opinions, we don't control what other people think about us, about ourselves, least of all. And for this reason, putting ourselves at the mercy of these opinions and trying to gain the approval of others are a dangerous endeavor. Don't spend too much time thinking about what other people think.

5:55Think about what you think. Think instead about the results, about the impact, and about whether it is the right thing to do. I think about Cato when I think about this idea. So Cato famously is very wealthy, but he lives quite frugally. He doesn't wear a hat when he walks outside in Rome. He doesn't wear a fancy toga. He's often barefoot. These are things that people would have thought to be low class or out of style. Cato sort of marches to the beat of his own drummer. And I think those things he was pursuing were good unto themselves. But what I think he was really doing is practicing cultivate, not caring what other people thought about him, not caring about his reputation.

6:37And so famously, when public opinion changes in Rome, Caesar appeals to the masses, Rome is going in a dangerous direction. Cato doesn't go with the tide. He stands for what's right. He stands for what he believes. He doesn't care that he's often the odd man out. People are questioning him, that people are judging him. He's practiced for this very moment. And I don't think it's just big stuff like this. I mean, it's about cultivating that sense of what you need to do, what you think about, what's right for your family, what's right for yourself, and then being okay being judged or looked at askance or whatever.

7:18I mean, being a parent has been very good for me in this, right? Like, you know, maybe you're, you don't like to hurt other people's feelings. You don't like to say no. You don't want people to know how you think about things. But with a kid, you're like, oh no, this isn't about me. If I say yes, yes, yes to all the stuff I don't want to do, that comes out of the time that I spend with my family. or if you are really conscious about what other people think about you, if they think you look silly or stupid, think about the laughs that deprives you of with your kids. Think about the memories that this deprives you of with your kids.

7:53Think about how buttoned up and restrained this makes you. We respect ourselves. We know what's important to us. We know what we value. So why do we care what other people think, right? We don't control it and we have to get comfortable being judged. We have to be comfortable sitting with our own self-estimation. We have to be comfortable with what we know is the right thing to do about what the results are of our decisions about the impact we're trying to have. And that's what matters.

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