This Is The Secret To Success (And A Happy Life) | Always Ask Yourself This Question

0:05Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast, where each day we bring you a Stoic inspired meditation designed to help you find strength and insight and wisdom into everyday life. Each one of these episodes is based on the 2 ,000-year-old philosophy that has guided some of history's greatest men and women to help you learn from them, to follow in their example, and to start your day off with a little dose of courage and discipline and justice and wisdom. For more, visit dailystoic.com.

0:56This is the secret to success in a happy life. It was offensive. It was stupid. It was unexpected. It didn't need to go this way. It's not something you're going to accept. And what should you do about it then? How about nothing, at least at first? You see, that's what successful and happy people do. They don't get riled up easily. They have command of themselves and their emotions. A rude remark, a costly error, an outrageous decision, a profound injustice, it's not that they don't care about these things, it's that they don't react immediately to them. Thenodorus, the Stoic advisor to the young Octavian, famously advised his charge, and the future emperor Augustus, to count all the letters of the alphabet before reacting to things that made him angry.

1:47This is essential advice, because it's only fools who fly off the handle. It's the immature who say the first thought that pops into their head. It's the irresponsible who act without thinking. The wise pause and reflect. They consider their options. They take the best path forward. The Stoics employed a range of techniques to move past their anger. And we've been thinking about this a lot over the last year at Daily Stoic. I found myself getting a little more provoked and triggered than I'd like to be. And I came up with this cool challenge coin that helps me do just that. It's got this shiny mirror on the front so I can catch a glimpse of my reflection, see myself getting riled up.

2:38And then at the top, there is the Latin phrase pausa et reflecte, pause and reflect, which is the first thing you have to do when you find yourself getting riled up. Look in the mirror. As Seneca says, see how rage distorts you beyond recognition, how you don't like what you see there. sober up. And on the back is an abbreviated quote from Seneca that delay is the best remedy to anger, frustration, lust, all the things that seem to take over us. And it's a reference to Athena Doris's advice to Octavian to not say or do anything till you've repeated the 24 letters of the alphabet, because there was only 24 letters in the alphabet then.

3:26And when you recite that, you can rub your finger across each letter. You can tick it off and you find yourself calming down. The next time you start to get upset, think about how much anger has cost you, right? How it's gotten you in a bad place. Has it ever really made things better? And what if you could stop and pause and reflect, look in the mirror, take your time and not do the thing you were about to do. That's what the coin is about. I would love for you to check it out. I'll link to it in today's show notes, or you can just go over to dailystoic.com slash anger coin. Delay is the remedy, except don't delay to grab this.

4:07We just did a limited run of them. We probably will run out, but I think you'll really like it. So check that out and pause and reflect. That is the message of today's episode.

4:24Thanks to Toyota Trucks for sponsoring this episode. When I bought my ranch in 2015 out here in Bastro County, I drove my car about halfway down the dirt road that we live on, thought this isn't going to work, stopped, parked it, walked the rest of the way home, borrowed my wife's car, drove in Austin and bought a truck. What I bought was a Toyota Tacoma. And this truck wasn't just transportation getting me to and from my house. It unlocked a whole different style of living for us, not just on the ranch, but in our little Texas towns. There were places I could go now that I couldn't go before, especially out here in the piney forests, through the fields, and on the unpaved roads like the one that I lived in.

5:09We got to go deep into the hill country's wild beauty. We've driven all the way out to East Texas. We've driven across the country. And by we, I mean not just my wife, but both my kids who I drove home from the hospital in that truck. Toyota trucks are built for those who understand that the best adventures happen when you're willing to veer off course. Because you never know when you'll end up on a Toyota adventure detour. And of course, this is stoicism, too, because every detour, every obstacle is an opportunity. But it's helpful if you can handle the difficulty inherent in that. If you've got the resilience and the right companion to make it wherever the road takes you, discover your uncharted territory.

5:51Learn more at toyota.com slash trucks slash adventure dash detours. We just took our kids to an outdoor performance at the Nutcracker. They had a snow cone and then they went insane in the car ride home. And one of the things I try to remind myself when that's happening is that I don't control my kids' behavior, especially when they're too far gone like that, but I do control how I respond, right? That's stoicism, but it's also what Dr. Becky talks about. Dr. Becky is a clinical psychologist and a bestselling author, and she founded Good Inside, which is there to give parents practical, actionable tools for handling those everyday challenges with confidence.

6:32My wife introduced me to Dr. Becky's books. I love them. I've recommended them a million times. I've had her on the podcast. And as it happens, Dr. Becky is hosting two live Q &A events for good inside members. I am one of them. She signed me up for it about a year and a half ago. I've loved it ever since. On December 1st, you can join Dr. Becky for her How Not to Raise Assholes event, which is about avoiding entitlement and raising kind, Empathetic Kids. And on December 15th, she's hosting her How Not to Lose It over the holidays event, which I'm sure we could all use. As I said, I'm a big fan of Dr.

7:09Becky. She's been a great influence for me as a parent and just as a human being. And daily Stoic listeners can join for 15 % off with code STOIC15. You just got to head over to goodinside.com to catch the events.

7:28Always ask yourself this question. Much of what we do and say during the course of a week is completely unnecessary. Meetings, material possessions, confrontations, pursuits, pointless distractions and problems. They take us away from tranquility and purpose. And a stoic cuts through these temptations and obligations by asking a simple question, a question that should lead you in your journaling and thinking this week. It is this, before speaking and acting or buying something, just ask, is this a necessary thing? This is from today's entry in the Daily Stoic, journal, 366 days of writing and reflection on the art of living by yours truly, Ryan Holiday.

8:13You can get it anywhere books are sold. I do it every single morning, including this morning. And you can also buy a signed copy in the Daily is to extort. But today's quotes, we have one long quote from Mark Sturilius and one short one from Seneca. Mark Sturilius says, it is said that if you want to have peace of mind, busy yourself with little. Wouldn't a better saying be do what you must and as required of a rational being created for public life? For this brings not only the peace of mind of doing few things, but the greater peace of doing them well. Since the vast majority of our words and actions are unnecessary, corralling them will create an abundance of leisure and tranquility.

8:51As a result, we shouldn't forget at each moment to ask, is this one of the unnecessary things? But we must corral not only unnecessary actions, but unnecessary thoughts too, so needless acts don't tag along after them. That's our translation from the Daily Stoic and the Daily Stoic Journal. Let me give you Gregory Hayes, which I also really like. He says,

9:43quote from Seneca is, I was shipwrecked before I even boarded. The journey showed me this, but how much of what we have is unnecessary and how easily we can decide to rid ourselves of these things whenever it's necessary and thus never suffering the loss. That's moral letters 87.1. So you really need to stop and ask yourself this question. Is what I'm doing necessary? Why am I doing it? Is it just the way people have always done it? I don't have to do most of the stuff. It doesn't actually move the needle. I was just doing it because that's what you thought you had to do. And to not do it seems scary.

10:19And because everyone else was doing it, it seemed reckless not to do it. Right. All the reasons we do things. But again, most of what we do and say and think is not necessary. It's not even particularly effective or well thought out. And so to question this is really important. And it's not just like, oh, you're privileged. You have a choice. That's why you're not doing it. It's actually not about privilege at all. In fact, It's the privileged people who can afford to do more unnecessary things, more pointless things, right? It's actually at this point in my career, I had the luxury of, you know, taking a lot of time off to, let's say, do press for a book.

10:55It was actually earlier in my career that the costs of agreeing to this pointless stuff were much higher, but I wasn't aware of it. I wasn't fully understanding of the opportunity costs, how much this was taking me away from writing, how much this was taking me away from relationships, how much this was just taking me away from recovering and refreshing so I could go back to my work from a fresher point of view. And this is what I wanted to leave you with today. Take a minute, stop, ask yourself, is what I'm doing necessary? How much of what I'm doing is unnecessary? And how can I eliminate some of that stuff so I can do the essential things better, right?

11:31I'm doing less, but I'm doing all my stuff better now.

11:41Hey, it's Ryan. Thank you for listening to the Daily Stoic Podcast. I just wanted to say we so appreciate it. We love serving you. It's amazing to us that over 30 million people have downloaded these episodes in the couple of years we've been doing it. It's an honor. Please spread the word, tell people about it. And this isn't to sell anything. I just wanted to say thank you.

12:27We'll see you next time.

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