This Is What It Takes To Lead | The Enemy of Happiness

0:00I'm recording this on a Monday, and Monday is our grocery store day in our family. I usually pick my kids up from school and we go over to Whole Foods, get all our groceries for the week. Although here very shortly, we're going to go over there to get our Thanksgiving turkey because they've got a bunch of great options. Turkeys start at$149 a pound if you have Prime with organic birds at$299 a pound. And they only carry no antibiotic ever turkeys that will bring quality to your table at a great price. Whole Foods has great everyday prices on all your Thanksgiving essentials, whether you celebrate with a massive family or just a few close friends.

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1:21Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast, where each day we bring you a Stoic-inspired meditation designed to help you find strength and insight and wisdom into everyday life. Each one of these episodes is based on the 2 ,000-year-old philosophy that has guided some of history's greatest men and women to help you learn from them, to follow in their example, And to start your day off with a little dose of courage and discipline and justice and wisdom. For more, visit dailystoic.com.

2:11Years before he became president, Harry Truman owned a clothing store that doubled as a local hangout. A kid named Albert Ridge would often head there after his shift at the neighborhood grocery store. For the rest of his life, Ridge would tell the story of the time that Truman gave him a list of 10 books to read. It included books like Plutarch's Lives, Caesar's Commentaries, and Benjamin Franklin's autobiography. Al Truman had said, you'll find a good deal in there about how to make use of every minute of your day and a lot of horse sense about people. It's reminiscent of one of the formative scenes in Marcus Aurelius's life.

2:49As a young man, he was given a copy of the Lectures of Epictetus. He would read through it again and again on his way to becoming one of the great kings of history. He would thank his teacher, Rusticus, for changing his life with that single recommendation. Albert Ridge's life was also changed by the books he was recommended. He learned a lot about people and how to make the most of his time, just as Truman had promised. He started going to law school at night and then went on to be a United States circuit judge under President Kennedy. From the neighborhood grocery store to the U.S. federal court, from a promising young boy to the head of the Roman Empire, from a farm in Missouri to the presidency of the United States, that's the power of reading.

3:30As Truman also said, not all readers are leaders, but there is nothing better to start you on the path to leadership than reading great books. Thanks to Toyota Trucks for sponsoring this episode. When I bought my ranch in 2015 out here in Bastro County, I drove my car about halfway down the dirt road that we live on, thought this isn't going to work, stopped, parked it, walked the rest of the way home, borrowed my wife's car, drove in Austin and bought a truck. What I bought was a Toyota Tacoma. And this truck wasn't just transportation getting me to and from my house. It unlocked a whole different style of living for not just on the ranch, but in our little Texas towns.

4:13There were places I could go now that I couldn't go before, especially out here in the piney forests, through the fields, and on the unpaved roads like the one that I lived in. We got to go deep into the hill country's wild beauty. We've driven all the way out to East Texas. We've driven across the country. And by we, I mean, not just my wife, but both my kids who I drove home from the hospital in that truck. Toyota trucks are built for those who understand that the best adventures happen when you're willing to veer off course, because you never know when you'll end up on a Toyota adventure detour.

4:50And of course, this is stoicism, too, because every detour, every obstacle is an opportunity. But it's helpful if you can handle the difficulty inherent in that. If you've got the resilience and the right companion to make it wherever the road takes you. Discover your uncharted territory. Learn more at toyota.com slash trucks slash adventure dash detours.

5:21The enemy of happiness. This is from today's entry in the Daily Stout. It's quite impossible to unite happiness with a yearning for that which we don't have. Happiness has all that it wants and resembles the well-fed. There wouldn't be hunger or thirst. That's Epictetus' Discourses 3.24. I'll be happy when I graduate, we tell ourselves. I'll be happy when I get this promotion, when this diet pays off, when I have the money that my parents never had. Conditional happiness is what psychologists call this kind of thinking. Like the horizon, you could walk for miles and miles and miles and never reach it.

6:04You'll never get any closer. Eagerly anticipating some future event, passionately imagining something you desire, looking forward to some happy scenario. As pleasurable as these activities might seem, they ruin your chances at happiness here and now. So locate that yearning for more, for better, for someday, and see it for what it is, the enemy of your contentment. Choose it or your happiness. As Epictetus says, the two are not compatible. That's a heavy one, I think, the idea that yearning is the enemy of happiness. Sometimes I'll talk to really successful people who have like a lot of money and be like, what are you doing?

6:56Like, why don't you just relax or whatever? I always find it fascinating when you hear that they have a number. So maybe they have a million dollars, but their number is$10 million. Maybe they have$10 million or their number is$100 million. They've told themselves that when they get X, then they'll be okay. Then they'll be good. from a different Zeno. There's this Zeno's paradox, the idea of like, if you're like walking from here to the other side of the room and you go halfway there and then halfway there and then halfway there and then halfway there, you'll never actually arrive, right? Because it's always half, there's always more, there's always some half left of the distance.

7:36But I think that's kind of what yearning is. We tell ourselves, oh, when I get this, when I get this, when I get this, but we never get there either because it's not actually something that a person can possess or because we move the goal posts like oh all i want to do is win a championship and then you do it and then you're oh all i want to do is win back-to-back championships to prove it wasn't a fluke and it's like oh but now i want to win it on a different team to prove that it wasn't a fluke there either whatever it is right we move the goal posts that's the tricky thing about yearning is it never gets there.

8:14I think it's stillness is the key, but there's a quote I love from Stefan Zweig, the novelist. And he says, in the history of conquerors, no conqueror has ever been surfeited by conquests. Alexander the Great said, aren't we going to conquer the world together? And his men said, no, we want to go home. And the truth was, he always would have found something new, something beyond it, always would have kept pushing. And the result of that was he not only lost his life, but I think he lost a lot of happiness as well. So contentment. And I've read a study many years ago that said young people associate happiness with accomplishment, older people with contentment.

9:00I think they've learned something along the way. It's a hard one lesson, I'm sure. Even if we can't fully internalize it or understand it or accept it now, we can try to approximate it. We can try to incorporate some of it. We can fake it till we make it, which is that we don't need anything. We can be happy now. That doesn't mean that we don't keep trying. Of course we keep trying. Of course we keep doing. But we try to do those things from a place of fullness, from a place of, that'll be a nice extra, as opposed to a place of yearning, that I'll be happy if this, once this, after that. It doesn't happen, man.

9:39It's a myth. It's a shimmer. It's a mirage. You'll get there and you will realize it was a figment of your imagination or worse, your mind will fool you so much you won't even realize you're there. It just feel like, I just got to go a little bit further, a little bit further, a little bit further, and you never arrive. And at the cost comes your life and your happiness. But for people who don't want to do things, this is not a particularly important or tricky subject. For those of us who are ambitious, those of us who are driven, those of us who are talented, it's something we really have to wrestle with.

10:11So I'm wishing you the best. You're enough as you are. Yearning is the enemy of your happiness. Remember that. Be safe, be well, everyone. We'll talk soon.

10:24hey it's ryan thank you for listening to the daily stoic podcast i just wanted to say we so appreciate it we love serving you it's amazing to us that over 30 million people have downloaded these episodes in the couple years we've been doing it it's an honor please spread the word tell people about it and this isn't to sell anything i just wanted to say thank you

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