This Is Who We Have To Be | A Garden Is Not For Show

0:05Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast, where each day we bring you a Stoic inspired meditation designed to help you find strength and insight and wisdom into everyday life. Each one of these episodes is based on the 2 ,000-year-old philosophy that has guided some of history's greatest men and women to help you learn from them, to follow in their example, and to start your day off with a little dose of courage and discipline and justice and wisdom. For more, visit dailystoic.com.

1:09We would communicate better. We would collaborate better. Oh, if only we were in charge, if we were president or emperor. But we are not and likely never will be. But you know what we are in charge of? We are in charge of our own lives. Musonius Rufus said that while it was important for every king to be a philosopher, he also believed that all of us needed to be kingly people. That is to say that we can and indeed urgently must be honest in our own lives. We can be fair. We can look out for the little guy. We can stick to our values and not be captured by the incentives of our sphere or industry.

1:49We can communicate. We can collaborate. It would be wonderful if we had more stoic heads of state, but a far more attainable goal is stoic heads of companies, of families, of communities, of organizations and institutions. Not just heads, but members too. And the good news is that you already are in one, or perhaps in many of those positions. So get to work. Be what you want to see. Be what we need.

2:25Thanks to Toyota Trucks for sponsoring this episode. When I bought my ranch in 2015 out here in Bastro County, I drove my car about halfway down the dirt road that we live on, thought this isn't going to work, stopped, parked it, walked the rest of the way home, borrowed my wife's car, drove in Austin and bought a truck. What I bought was a Toyota Tacoma. And this truck wasn't just transportation getting me to and from my house. It unlocked a whole different style of living for us, not just on the ranch, but in our little Texas towns. There were places I could go now that I couldn't go before, especially out here in the piney forests, through the fields, and on the unpaved roads like the one that I lived in.

3:10We got to go deep into the hill country's wild beauty. We've driven all the way out to East Texas. We've driven across the country. And by we, I mean not just my wife, but both my kids who I drove home from the hospital in that truck. Toyota trucks are built for those who understand that the best adventures happen when you're willing to veer off course, because you never know when you'll end up on a Toyota adventure detour. And of course, this is stoicism, too, because every detour, every obstacle is an opportunity. But it's helpful if you can handle the difficulty inherent in that. If you've got the resilience and the right companion to make it wherever the road takes you, discover your uncharted territory.

3:52Learn more at toyota.com slash trucks slash adventure dash detours. We just took our kids to an outdoor performance at the Nutcracker. They had a snow cone and then they went insane in the car ride home. And one of the things I try to remind myself when that's happening is that I don't control my kids' behavior, especially when they're too far gone like that. But I do control how I respond, right? That's stoicism, but it's also what Dr. Becky talks about. Dr. Becky is a clinical psychologist and a best-selling author, and she founded Good Inside, which is there to give parents practical, actionable tools for handling those everyday challenges with confidence.

4:33My wife introduced me to Dr. Becky's books. I love them. I've recommended them a million times. I've had her on the podcast. And as it happens, Dr. Becky is hosting two live Q &A events for Good Inside members. I am one of them. She signed me up for it about a year and a half ago. I've loved it ever since. On December 1st, you can join Dr. Becky for her How Not to Raise Assholes event, which is about avoiding entitlement and raising kind, empathetic kids. And on December 15th, she's hosting her How Not to Lose It over the holidays event, which I'm sure we could all use. As I said, I'm a big fan of Dr.

5:10Becky. She's been a great influence for me as a parent and just as a human being. And Daily Stoic listeners can join for 15 % off with code STOIC15. You just got to head over to goodinside.com to catch the events.

5:30A garden is not for show. This is today's entry, September 15th in the Daily Stoic. 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. Holding a cloth edition here, but quote today is from Epictetus' Discourses 4.8. He says, first practice not letting people know who you are. Keep your philosophy to yourself for a bit. In just the manner that fruit is produced, the seed buried for a season, hidden, growing gradually so that it may come for full maturity. But if the grain sprouts before the stalk is fully developed, it will never ripen. That's the kind of plant you are displaying fruit too soon, and the winter will kill you.

6:18You know, after you listen to this podcast for a while or follow us on Instagram, it might be tempting to say, oh, this is great. I get it. I'm a stoic. I've always been that way. But it's not that easy. Just because you agree with the philosophy doesn't mean the roots have fully taken hold. Fooling around with books so you can sound smart or have an intimidating library is like tending a garden to impress your neighbors. Growing one to feed someone, that's a pure and profitable use of your time. The seeds of stoicism are long underground. Do the work required to nurture and tend to them so that they and you are prepared and sturdy for the hard winters of life.

6:57The idea is not that we get credit for working on a book, that we get credit for doing this or that. It's that we are actually doing it, right? The doing is important. And I deeply believe this, that talking and doing fight for the same resources. And you have to cultivate a willingness to be misunderstood, to be not fully appreciated, to just be like, I'm working on my stuff, man. I'm developing. I don't need your approval. I don't need your recognition. Nobody likes it when they're not appreciated, when they don't get a thank you, they don't get credit. it. But it's like that scene in Mad Men where Peggy's complaining that Don doesn't appreciate her.

7:41He never says thank you. And he goes, that's what the money is for. But the reality is sometimes the money's not there either. And this is why the Stoics talk about not asking for the third thing. Mark Struella says you've done something good and someone has benefited from it. That's the whole exchange. He says don't ask for the third thing on top. Recognition, credit, the thank you, because it's not coming and it shouldn't have been why you did it in the first place. He says you've done well and someone else has benefited from it. He says, why like a fool do you expect the third thing for someone to thank you for it or to do a favor for you in return?

8:18That's not why you did it. And look, the basis of stoicism is let's focus on what we control. We control the act. We don't control the outcome of the act, the recognition of the act, the appreciation of the act. And we're setting ourselves up for disappointment, frustration and resentment. We don't control what other people do. We don't control the thank you. We don't control whether they appreciate it. We don't control whether they even notice it. Epictetus also says, you know, if you want to improve, be content to be misunderstood and unappreciated. Be content to be foolish. Say, I don't know about that.

8:49You know, he means to not talk about being a Stoic, not to identify with being a Stoic, but to quietly work on being one, to quietly get to work on that project, to put in the hours to put your butt where it should be. Do the work. Leave the recognition, the understanding, the appreciation to someone or something else. That's not why you're doing it. That's not what's motivating you. That's not what is important. So I'm going to leave you here today, let you get after it, get to work, turn this off, go after it, make some progress.

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