This Way Is Not For The Weak | Say No To The Need To Impress

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0:56In meditations, Marcus Aurelius says that what we throw on top of a fire is fuel for the fire. But anyone who has ever had a little campfire going knows how easily you can snuff out flames with a poorly placed log or even a few sticks. Marcus is speaking metaphorically of obstacles, not an actual campfire. But the metaphor only works with a few assumptions. For one, he's assuming that everything is flammable. Is that really true? Not exactly. But even if we grant that everything will incinerate at some temperature, we're still admitting that things can burn at a wide range of temperatures. So perhaps what Marcus really means is that your fire has to be really hot.

1:37It has to be really roaring if you want to be able to turn what is thrown into it, as he says, into flames and brightness. So just as a weak stomach isn't going to be able to digest what you put in it, a small weak fire is not going to be able to handle a big dry log, let alone something hardier. And it's definitely not going to be able to melt steel or glass. And so it goes for us with obstacles. If we want to be the metaphorical fire that turns everything into fuel, we must be quite strong. We must have real momentum. We must be operating at a high and heated level or we'll be snuffed out by the very materials that others are able to make use of.

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4:36Say no to the need to impress. If the desire to impress and be liked by others is innate to humans as a species, than every generation born before social media got lucky. Today, we face an unending stream of status updates demanding to be filled with all the impressive things we are doing, the trials we are overcoming, announcements of our dangers averted, and triumphs realized. It's exhausting. Centuries ago, Epictetus saw this pride and narcissism even in his own computerless students and reminded them that it wasn't so innocent. In fact, he told them that it would destroy their life's purpose.

5:15It would distract and fatigue them. Seneca too saw the seeking of approval of spectators as one of life's disgraces. Watch those impulses today. Notice how much you seem to need your phone and status updates and ask, is this the person I want to be? Is this what a philosopher would do? And this is from this week's entry in the Daily Stoic Journal, which you can check out. I do the journal every morning. I sit down and spend some time with the blank pages. We've got two Epictetus quotes and one Seneca quote to round it out. If you should ever turn your will to things outside your control in order to impress someone, be sure that you have wrecked your whole purpose in life.

5:56Be content then to be a philosopher in all that you do. And if you wish also to be seen as one, show yourself first that you are and you will succeed. That's Epictetus's Incaridian 23. In public, avoid talking often and excessively about your own accomplishments and dangers. For however much you enjoy recounting your dangers, it is not pleasant for others to hear about your affairs. Epictetus's Incaridian 33.14. How disgraceful is the lawyer whose dying breath passes while at court at an advanced stage, pleading for unknown litigants and still seeking the approval of ignorant spectators. Seneca on the brevity of life, 20.

6:39You know, I think about this. I have a little rule for me. When I'm working on a book, I don't talk about it. I don't tell people that I've finished. I don't tell people that I just finished chapter two. Early in my life, I kind of wanted that validation. Hey, I did it. Maybe media, maybe it's good for my brand. Now I see all that stuff as distraction. Even social media, I never really got the habit, but when I feel it peaking up, I break it immediately. These are not platforms for me to fish for validation. I don't want to say, hey, look what I'm doing. And then people go, oh, you're so great.

7:10Oh, you're so awesome. And I'm not saying they do that because I'm well known. I'm saying your friends do this. We want to congratulate each other. We want to encourage each other. And I get that. But that's not why I want to be a writer. That's not why I want to do things. As I say in The Boy Who Would Be King, all the things Marcus Aurelius did made him very popular. That's not why he did it. He did it because they're the right thing. So I try not to let social media, I try not to let the chase for validation or approval. It's not a need I really ever try to sate. I don't feed it because I feel like the more you feed it, the more it wants from you.

7:46I try to let my work do the talking about my work. That's not to say I don't believe in marketing. I do. brand is important. I mean, I have the social media. I just try to have a healthy relationship with it, a healthy balance with it. So I'm using it. It is not using me. You're the product that's being sold. They're exploiting your need for validation and attention, right? They know that you want to tell people what you're doing and then you want to hear what people say about what you're doing. And then you want to respond to the people who aren't liking it enough. And then you want to check back and see how many comments it got or likes it got or whatever.

8:22I think Instagram did people a public service when they turned off. Not everyone can see how many likes or views their posts got. I think that's great. As a public figure, they leave these tools and they are attempting. And so I don't even have it on my phone. I don't want to touch it. I never go to one of these sites and I feel better about myself as a person. I just feel that that insatiable need has been encouraged a little bit. So let's say no to trying to impress other people. Let's not care what other people think. As Marcus Aurelius said, this is another quote we could have included in the entry.

8:53He says, you know, we care about ourselves more than other people, yet for some reason we care about their opinions way too much. No, focus on what you have to do. Focus on you. Focus on what you think, what you know is right. Do things for that reason. If you get validation for it afterwards, wonderful, but that can't be why you do it. And if it is why you do it, it's going to break your heart. I promise you. So say no to the desire to impress other people. Plus other people, man, they don't know. They're wrong. 99 % of the time anyway, focus on what you know, just do the right thing. The rest doesn't matter.

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