We Almost Always Regret This | A Week Without Complaining

0:00I'm picking my kids up from school today and then doing our weekly routine, which is I take them over to Whole Foods. and we get all our groceries for the week. Then we have dinner. It's one of their favorite things to do. It's one of my favorite things to do. And then my wife loves it because she doesn't have to take care of it. This holiday season, whether you're a guest or hosting the big dinner Whole Foods Market has what you need to delight everyone at your table. They even have heat and eat sides from the prepared foods department. You can make Whole Foods your one-stop shop. Everything follows Whole Foods Market's strict ingredients standards so you know it'll be delicious and good for you.

0:33You can also order online for pickup and even delivery in select zip codes to skip the crowds. Shop everything you need at Whole Foods Market, your holiday headquarters. I got an amazing night's sleep last night. One, because my six-year-old fell asleep in the car at like six o 'clock and he transferred him from the car seat to the bed and it stuck, which is just magic. So he's in bed way earlier than normal. But I sleep really well every night because I have a 8 Sleep Pod 5 Ultra, which is 8 Sleep's best product. I've used 8 Sleep for many years now. And it's just totally transformed how I sleep, made me sleep better, made my wife sleep better.

1:14It's amazing. So basically, 8 Sleep is this topper that goes over your mattress. It can heat and cool both sides separately. It can raise and lower each side separately. So it helps you fall asleep faster, stay asleep, and then wake up better. Eight Sleep buzzes me to wake gently every morning as opposed to some loud blaring alarm. And then I can check the app and it tells me my sleep score. It even helps me optimize my day based on how I slept. If you want to survive the holidays like a pro and just generally sleep better, Head over to 8sleep.com slash Daily Stoic and use code Daily Stoic to get$350 off your very own Pod 5 Ultra.

1:58The best part is you still get 30 days to try it at home and return it if you don't like it, but I know you will. Trust me, your body will thank you for this investment in better sleep, shipping to many countries worldwide. See details at 8sleep.com slash Daily Stoic.

2:14Welcome to the Daily Stoic podcast. Each day we bring you a meditation inspired by the ancient Stoics, illustrated with stories from history, current events, and literature to help you be better at what you do. And at the beginning of the week, we try to do a deeper dive, setting a kind of Stoic intention for the week, something to meditate on, something to think on, something to leave you with, to journal about, whatever it is you happen to be doing. So let's get into it.

2:54We almost always regret this. It's not that we didn't have a reason that we weren't provoked or mistreated. We were. We had legitimate reasons to be upset. We had a legitimate grievance. And yet, our response was such a mistake. We come to regret the yelling. We regret the harsh words. how much better we would have been if we had been able to, as the great play about Cato put it, look at things through the calm light of mild philosophy. To the Stoics, what we did in a fit of passion, be it lust or envy, but most of all out of anger, was almost always the wrong thing. It didn't matter if the other person was wrong, if we were relentlessly baited or abused.

3:34It didn't matter if we escaped consequences. It was a mistake to be overcome by our passions. Marcus Aurelius would have been cautioned by one of the most terrible moments of his mentor Hadrian's reign. When aggravated by the incompetence of a secretary, the emperor stabbed the man in the eye with a stylus. Seneca wrote a whole essay on the perils of anger, the most blinding and self-destructive of the passions. When we are angry, we do stupid things. We do impulsive things that we come to regret. We burn bridges. We stoop to their level. We break trusts. We delegitimize whatever legitimacy our grievance may have had.

4:12We must beware this madness. We must command ourselves. It's okay to be angry. Just look at the situation in a calm and mild light before you do anything. And as usual, the Stoics have some of the smartest and most applicable exercises when it comes to anger. That's why we created Taming Your Temper, the 10-day Stoic guide to controlling anger. 10 days of challenges, exercises, video lessons, and bonus tools based on Stoic philosophy. Materials to help you deal with your anger in a constructive manner. We will give you the tools that you need not just to manage your anger, but to leave it in the past so you can focus on what's important, living a virtuous and fulfilling life.

4:58You can learn the wisdom of the great thinkers and leaders of history through this course. Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, Abraham Lincoln, even Mr. Rogers, and many others. You'll be able to use our unique exercises to break free from the cage that anger has built around you and see the world and yourself in a new light. Each day, you'll be able to watch a new video from me, Ryan Holiday, author of The Obstacle is the Way, Ego is the Enemy, Stillness is the Key, and of course, The Daily Stoic, as I explain the ideas behind the words and shed light on the path that you're on, but that I am also on. because again, we are all struggling to tame our temper and we will all be better if we can get closer to that.

5:39Being able to control your anger is a difficult but worthwhile goal. It will take time and effort, it won't be free, but by changing your perspective and developing techniques to control your temper, it will ultimately be achievable and life-changing. So take the first step on the path to a calmer and more fulfilling future. Check out Taming Your Temper, the 10-Day Stoic Guide to Controlling Your Anger. You can click the link below, or you can just go to dailystoic.com slash anger.

6:22A Week Without Complaining. Epictetus spoke often to his students about the need to give up blaming and complaining. In fact, he saw it as one of the primary measuring sticks of progress in the art of living. How much of life is wasted? Pointed fingers. Has complaining ever solved a single problem? Marcus Aurelius would say, blame yourself or no one. This week, try constructive feedback over complaining and responsibility over blame. And if something goes wrong, spend some time reflecting on what the true causes were. Don't waste a minute with complaints in your journal or out loud. But we have three quotes from Epictetus today about complaints.

7:04He says, you must stop blaming God and not blame any person. You must completely control your desire and shift your avoidance to what lies within your reasoned choice. You must no longer feel anger, resentment, envy, or regret. That's the Discourses 3.22. For nothing outside my reasoned choice, he says, can hinder or harm it. My reasoned choice alone can do this to itself. If we would lean this way whenever we fail and would blame only ourselves and remember that nothing but opinion is the cause of a troubled mind and uneasiness, then by God, I swear we would be making progress. That's Discourse is 319.

7:42And then he also says in Caridian 1.3, but if you deem as your own only what is yours and what belongs to others is truly not yours, then no one will ever be able to coerce or stop you. And you will find no one to blame or accuse. You will do nothing against your will, and you will have no enemy. And no one will harm you because no harm can affect you. It's funny, just as I was sitting here, I was thinking to myself, Man, it's so hot. It's hot in my office. I have to turn off the AC when I record. But one of my favorite quotes from Marcus Reelis about complaining, which I actually also have in sort of fictionalized in The Boy Who Would Be King, he says, don't be heard complaining at court, not even to yourself.

8:27Right? There are so many parts of Marcus Reelis' job that we get the sense that he didn't really like. He's kind of an introverted person. He's a good person. He wants to do what's right. He's not an ambitious person in the sense he doesn't want to dominate or win or everything. And so it must have been so frustrating to be around these obnoxious, annoying, you know, dishonest people, these professional politicians, basically. But he catches himself. He's like, it's not even enough not to complain publicly. And, of course, everyone would have indulged his complaints. He's emperor. But he says, don't even complain in your own mind.

9:05and that is some higher level shit right there isn't it right to to not only be able to stop yourself from complaining i think it was will bowen he had the no complaint challenge every time you know you say a complaint you have to move the bracelet from one wrist to the other and the idea is can you leave it on one wrist for 30 days can you get it in one spot for 30 days no complaints but imagine how most of us would fail if even thinking about a complaint not even verbalizing it disqualified us. But that's the challenge of the Stoics. And I think Epictetus, though, is more honest when he talks about just progress.

9:43The less blame, the less complaining, the more responsibility you're taking, the more constructive you are, that's what matters. Are you making a little bit of progress every day? Are you moving forward? Are you complaining less? right? I think that's a fair way to think about it. So I thought the complaint, but I didn't say it. That's progress. But maybe next time I can just go, the temperature is what the temperature is. If I want to do this thing, that's what I have to put up with. So, you know, so that's what it is. It doesn't, thinking about it doesn't help me. It doesn't make me any cooler, right?

10:20It just makes me frustrated. And that's why we try not to complain. So don't be heard complaining today, not even to yourself. That's the standard we're ascribing to. But could we just make some progress? Could we just blame only ourselves or ideally no one? That's progress. Let's do it. Let's work for it. Let's make ourselves a little bit stronger as a result.

10:57My family owns a 2023 Toyota 4Runner, and honestly, it's my favorite vehicle that I've ever owned. Around town, it's smooth and reliable, but where it really shines is on our trips into the backcountry. We've taken it on backpacking adventures to Colorado and New Mexico, loaded it up with gear, and never had to think twice about whether it could handle the terrain. That's what Toyota trucks are built for. Off-road confidence, rugged durability, and the freedom to explore. Toyota has a long history with the outdoor community, and they're committed to helping more people get out there and experience what nature is.

11:26has to offer. From remote trails to scenic byways, Toyota Trucks empowers you to take the detour, roam freely, and discover places that still feel wild and untouched. And they're not just making great trucks, they're working to expand access to adventure so more people can connect with the outdoors and pass that passion on to the next generation. Discover your uncharted territory. Learn more at toyota.com slash trucks slash adventure dash detours. That's toyota.com slash trucks slash adventure dash detours. Look, ads are annoying. They are to be avoided, if at all possible. I understand as a content creator why they need to exist.

12:04That's why I don't begrudge them when they appear on the shows that I listen to. But again, as a person who has to pay a podcast producer and has to pay for equipment and for the studio and the building that the studio is in, it's a lot to keep something like The Daily Stoic going. So if you want to support a show but not listen to ads, well, we have partnered with Supercast to bring you an ad-free version of Daily Stoic. We're calling it Daily Stoic Premium. And with Premium, you can listen to every episode of The Daily Stoic podcast completely ad-free, no interruptions, just the ideas, just the messages, just the conversations.

12:46you came here for. And you can also get early access to episodes before they're available to the public. And we're going to have a bunch of exclusive bonus content and extended interviews in there just for Daily Stoic Premium members as well. If you want to remove distractions, go deeper into stoicism and support the work we do here. Well, it takes less than a minute to sign up for Daily Stoic Premium, and we are offering a limited time discount of 20 % off your first year. Just go to dailystoic.com slash premium to sign up right now or click the link in the show descriptions to make those ads go away.