We Can Find The Gift In It | with Reduce Wants, Increase Happiness

0:00I got an amazing night's sleep last night. One, because my six-year-old fell asleep in the car at like six o 'clock and he transferred him from the car seat to the bed and it stuck, which is just magic. So he's in bed way earlier than normal. But I sleep really well every night because I have a 8 Sleep Pod 5 Ultra, which is 8 Sleep's best product. I've used 8 Sleep for many years now. And it's just totally transformed how I sleep, made me sleep better, made my wife sleep better. It's amazing. So basically, Eight Sleep is this topper that goes over your mattress. It can heat and cool both sides separately.

0:38It can raise and lower each side separately. So it helps you fall asleep faster, stay asleep, and then wake up better. Eight Sleep buzzes me to wake gently every morning as opposed to some loud blaring alarm. and then I can check the app and it tells me my sleep score. It even helps me optimize my day based on how I slept. If you want to survive the holidays like a pro and just generally sleep better, head over to eightsleep.com slash Daily Stoic and use code Daily Stoic to get$350 off your very own Pod 5 Ultra. The best part is you still get 30 days to try it at home and return it if you don't like it, but I know you will.

1:20Trust me, your body will thank you for this investment in BetterSleep, shipping to many countries worldwide. See details at 8sleep.com slash DailyStoic. You know, you don't have to let big wireless and your overpriced phone bill suck the joy out of the holidays this year. Because right now, all of Mint Mobile's unlimited plans are 50 % off. You can get 3, 6, and 12 months of unlimited premium wireless for$15 a month. It's their best deal of the year, and it makes it really easy for you to give your expensive wireless bill the Scrooge treatment. All Mint plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text at the nation's largest 5G network.

1:55Plus, you can bring your current phone and number over to Mint. Actually, we just signed up for a Mint Mobile plan to use the social media phone here at the office, and we didn't notice any kind of change in the quality of service or network or any of that, just a whole bunch of savings. Turn your expensive wireless present into a huge wireless savings feature by switching to Mint. Shop Mint Unlimited plans at mintmobile.com slash six. That's mintmobile.com slash six. Limited time offer, upfront payment of$45 for three months,$90 for six months, or$180 for 12 months. Plans required,$12 per month equivalent.

2:27Taxes and fees extra. Initial plan term only. Greater than 35 gigabytes may slow when network is busy. Capable device required. Availability, speed, and coverage very easy. Mintmobile.com. Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast. Each day, we bring you a meditation inspired by the ancient Stoics, illustrated with stories from history, current events, and literature to help you be better at what you do. And at the beginning of the week, we try to do a deeper dive, setting a kind of stoic intention for the week, something to meditate on, something to think on, something to leave you with, to journal about, whatever it is you happen to be doing.

3:02So let's get into it.

3:13We can find the gift in it. If you're one of those kids who didn't get everything you need from your parents, and let's face it, pretty much everyone is, this is probably something you carry with you. Maybe you're angry or sad, wounded or resentful. You wonder what could have been, who you could be, if they'd been around more or been more patient or loving or understood you. And while there is no doubt that this experience was tragic, perhaps there's another way of looking at it. We wrote an email over at Daily Dad recently, which notes Robert F. Kennedy's troubled childhood in the troubled Kennedy household.

3:46His family mourned the loss of his older brother. They put their hopes in his brother, John. They fretted about his troubled sister. His father thought that Bobby had little potential, that he wasn't everything a young Kennedy should be. So the boy, as one Kennedy aide observed, was overlooked. That wasn't fair. It must've been painful. And yet Kennedy's biographer, Evan Thomas, would write that this turned out to be a gift, arguing that he had been saved by neglect because it meant that Bobby didn't have to deal with all the pressure. It let him develop at his own pace. It also allowed him to develop a conscience and an ability to empathize that most of the family lacked.

4:26When we look at the life of Marcus Aurelius, we can see a similar pattern. His early days as a boy were defined by loss. His father, Verus, died when he was just three. And yet, without being cursed by this tragedy, Marcus wouldn't have been as close with his mother, whom he writes so glowingly about, We know that for certain without it, he would not have received the great gift that was his adopted stepfather, Antoninus. Marcus came to see him as his biographer, Ernest Renan would write, as the most beautiful model of a perfect life. And all his adult life, Marcus Aurelius strived to be a disciple of Antoninus.

5:00And as a result, he himself became a beautiful model of a perfect life. It was also from this tragedy that Marcus Aurelius got the gift of his stepbrother, Lucius Ferris, from whom Marcus would write, his own character was so improved. What we go through in life, the knocks we take, the losses we experience, they aren't fun. If we had a choice, we may choose for them not to happen. But still we have no idea how they are preparing us, shaping us, even saving us. All we can do is try to find meaning, find lessons, find the opportunities in these moments, however tragic and painful they may be in the moment.

5:42The world is full of tours. But you don't choose a Toyota truck to follow the beaten path. You choose it to find the places in between. The detours, where each adventure pulls you toward the next. And wrong turns turn out right. So why would you ever take a tour when you could take a detour? Toyota Trucks.

6:23Reduce wants, increase happiness. The Stoics knew that wanting less increases gratitude just as wanting more obliterates it. Epictetus focused much of his teachings on helping his students reduce this destructive habit of wanting more. In it, he saw the key to a happy life and to relationships. By practicing the art of wanting less and being grateful for the portion that we already have before us, we are hopping off the so-called hedonic treadmill and taking a real step on the path to a life of real contentment. That's what we're journaling about this week in the Daily Stoic Journal. That's where this little meditation comes from.

7:02We've got three quotes from Epictetus. He says, remember to conduct yourself in life as if at a banquet. As something is being passed around and comes to you, reach your hand out and take only a moderate helping. Does it pass you by? Don't stop it. It hasn't yet come. Don't burn in desire for it, but wait until it arrives in front of you. Act this way with children, a spouse, towards position, with wealth. One day it will make you worthy of a banquet with the gods. That's Epictetus in Caridian. When children stick their hand down a narrow goody jar, they can't get their full fist out and start crying.

7:39Drop a few treats and you will get it out. Curb your desire. Don't set your heart on so many things and you will get what you need. That's Epictetus's Discourses 3.9. Freedom isn't secured by filling up your heart's desire, but by removing your desire. Epictetus's Discourses. It's not that the Stoics didn't like stuff. I mean, they did. They enjoyed life. But they also knew that there is such thing as too much of a good thing. and they tried to enjoy what they had while they had it, but also not be dependent on it. And also more importantly, not desire and achieve and acquire so much that it becomes its own burden.

8:20I think that's something we miss, for instance, even about the Epicureans. Like we think the Epicureans were these sort of pleasure lovers and to a sense they were, but it was the simple pleasures. It was the right amount that brought them pleasure and too much becomes not only not a pleasure, but a punishment. There's a joke I like. Someone attended one of Aristotle's dinners and they said, Aristotle, you know what I love about your dinners? I don't regret them the following morning. So this idea of moderation is so essential and it's the key to happiness. The right amount. I remember Steve, my editor and collaborator on the Daily Stoic and the Daily Stoic Journal said to me once, he said, moderation in all things and some things not at all.

9:03And I thought that was beautifully expressed. And that's kind of how I try to live my life. Seneca probably took it too far in one direction. Maybe Epictetus took it too far in the other direction. And maybe Marcus Aurelius is right there in the Aristotelian mean, enough, but not too much. There's two beautiful metaphors there from Epictetus that I think are worth pausing on. He talks about the kid sticking their hand in the candy jar. They get too much. If they could let some of it go, they could get it. But since they can't let it go, they get none of it. That's a beautiful image. But this other one that we're life at a banquet, and I don't know about you, but whenever I'm at a buffet or a banquet, I tend to eat too much.

9:41And then it's unhappy. It's unpleasurable. As Aristotle said, you regret it the next day. But if you can find a way to enjoy it, that the food is not really the point. The food is extra. The point is the conversation, the company, the experience. And to take too much, to take more than your share, to be distracted. Oh, that's coming over here. I want seconds of this. This is just take yourself out of the present moment. And in a sense, it ultimately ends up sort of punishing you and it takes the fun and the joy out of it. So moderation in all things. He's being explicit. This banquet thing is a metaphor.

10:11He says, act this way with children, a spouse towards position with wealth. And one day it will make you worthy of a banquet with the gods. The less you need, the less you want, the freer you are, the happier you are, and the more you enjoy what you do have. That idea of enough, that idea of The right amount is key. And that's what I'd love for you guys to spend some time thinking about this week. What is enough? Do you have it? Do you really need what you think you need? Or do you just want it? What would happen if you actually got it? Would it really fulfill the desire the way you think it would?

10:46Maybe not. Be well, be moderate. Talk soon.

11:04My family owns a 2023 Toyota 4Runner, and honestly, it's my favorite vehicle that I've ever owned. Around town, it's smooth and reliable, but where it really shines is on our trips into the backcountry. We've taken it on backpacking adventures to Colorado and New Mexico, loaded it up with gear, and never had to think twice about whether it could handle the terrain. That's what Toyota trucks are built for. Off-road confidence, rugged durability, and the freedom to explore. Toyota has a long history with the outdoor community, and they're committed to helping more people get out there and experience what nature has to offer.

11:33From remote trails to scenic byways, Toyota Trucks empowers you to take the detour, roam freely, and discover places that still feel wild and untouched. And they're not just making great trucks, they're working to expand access to adventure so more people can connect with the outdoors and pass that passion on to the next generation. Discover your uncharted territory. Learn more at toyota.com slash trucks slash adventure dash detours. That's toyota.com slash trucks slash adventure dash detours. Look, ads are annoying. They are to be avoided if at all possible. I understand as a content creator why they need to exist.

12:10That's why I don't begrudge them when they appear on the shows that I listen to. But again, as a person who has to pay a podcast producer and has to pay for equipment and for the studio and the building that the studio is in. It's a lot to keep something like the Daily Stoic going. So if you want to support a show but not listen to ads, well, we have partnered with Supercast to bring you a ad-free version of Daily Stoic. We're calling it Daily Stoic Premium. And with Premium, you can listen to every episode of the Daily Stoic podcast completely ad-free, no interruptions, just the ideas, just the messages, just the conversations you came here for.

12:54And you can also get early access to episodes before they're available to the public. And we're going to have a bunch of exclusive bonus content and extended interviews in there just for Daily Stoic Premium members as well. If you want to remove distractions, go deeper into Stoicism and support the work we do here. Well, it takes less than a minute to sign up for Daily Stoic Premium, and we are offering a limited time discount of 20 % off your first year. Just go to dailystoic.com slash premium to sign up right now or click the link in the show descriptions to make those ads go away.