We Have To Give It Back | Always Ask Yourself This Question

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1:03Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast. Each day we bring you a meditation inspired by the ancient Stoics, illustrated with stories from history, current events, and literature to help you be better at what you do. And at the beginning of the week, we try to do a deeper dive, setting a kind of Stoic intention for the week, something to meditate on, something to think on, something to leave you with, to journal about, whatever it is you happen to be doing. So let's get into it.

1:42We have to give it back. It is inevitable and unavoidable, but that doesn't make it easy. Not now or 2 ,000 years ago. Death is hard. Loss is terrible. The Stoics knew this. We hear of Marcus Aurelius crying over the loss of a beloved tutor. We know Seneca was rocked by the loss of his child. We can see in his moving essays on grief that he understood from his own pain that this wasn't something that you could just shrug off, no matter how much Stoic philosophy a person read. A couple of weeks ago, we pointed out that even though Daily Stoic hasn't been around that long, we've already lost many of our favorite guests and influences.

2:23Peter Lawler, Paul Woodruff, Michael Sugru, Dr. Sue Johnson. Today, we must add another to that list, Jake Seliger. If you remember, Jake was diagnosed with terminal cancer last year at age 39, and in the midst of that fight, not only wrote many beautiful words about suffering and mortality and love, but he also gave a very moving interview on the Daily Stoic podcast, despite having had his tongue removed. In one sense, Jake was very unlucky. In the prime of his life, he was struck down by a surprise cancer of the throat and lungs, despite not smoking or chewing. He had plenty of reasons to be angry and sad.

3:02Yet what reverberated through his writings was real stoicism, the wisdom that comes from wrestling with the unfairness of life and the looming fact of his mortality. Many of us don't get what I've had, he explained. the opportunity to live a full generative life with the people who I love and who love me back. Yet I was able to have all of it, he said, for a time. Jake faced death with courage and poised these last few weeks, a final lesson for all of us. Let no one say he went easily. When you hear him struggle to talk despite his failing body, it's clear that he was a fighter. He made it months longer than expected.

3:42He wrested more from the bureaucratic nightmare that is the healthcare system than few could have managed. He leaves behind not only those lessons in that example, and many suggested improvements for clinical trial reform, but also his wife, Bess, and a daughter, Athena, who he did not live to see. He had to give the gift back, he said, of life. But in those extra months he lived, he was able to give the gift of life to the next generation. He will be missed. And we want to thank everyone. This was a hard one for me to write, I have to say. Jake, someone I got to know over the years. And here, let me see.

4:19I'll find the email that I sent him. We got to touch base one more time before he went. And I said, I can't say what I've been more impressed with, your writing or your courage. I feel sad that only this last year or so pushed us to be more than the occasional email. But it's been a moving and educational experience for me. I said, I'm proud of you and will miss you. I don't know many people whose stuff I read that I would seriously notice if they stopped. I said, your kid will be lucky in the sense that they have so much of you in those words. I said, farewell, though I can't hope, but you'll keep surprising us as you have all these few months.

4:53Well, that was not to be, but I'm glad I got to say goodbye. It's always hard. It's never easy. For everyone who contributed to Jake's GoFundMe campaign over the last year to help fund his cancer treatment and get him to these clinical trials. Thank you for that. You can continue to support Jake and his family at the same GoFundMe. I'll link to that in today's show notes. I'm going to make a donation. I just, I can't even imagine what it would be like knowing that you had a kid on the way and clock was running out for you. And it was a moving thing and a very brave thing. And that's why I wanted to write today's email and record this quick episode.

5:31But do check out the GoFundMe if you've got a couple extra dollars to throw in there. Obviously, I'm going to do that. I'll miss you, Jake. See you.

5:46Always ask yourself this question. Much of what we do and say during the course of a week is completely unnecessary. Meetings, material possessions, confrontations, pursuits, pointless distractions and problems. They take us away from tranquility and purpose. And a Stoic cuts through these temptations and obligations by asking a simple question, a question that should lead you in your journaling and thinking this week. It is this, before speaking and acting or buying something, just ask, is this a necessary thing? This is from today's entry in the Daily Stoic. Journal, 366 Days of Writing and Reflection on the Art of Living by yours truly, Ryan Holiday.

6:29You can get it anywhere books are sold. I do it every single morning, including this morning. and you can also buy a signed copy in the Daily Stoic store. But today's quotes, we have one long quote from Marcus Aurelius and one short one from Seneca. Marcus Aurelius says, It is said that if you want to have peace of mind, busy yourself with little. But wouldn't a better saying be do what you must and as required of a rational being created for public life? For this brings not only the peace of mind of doing few things, but the greater peace of doing them well. Since the vast majority of our words and actions are unnecessary, corralling them will create an abundance of leisure and tranquility as a result we shouldn't forget at each moment to ask is this one of the unnecessary things but we must corral not only unnecessary actions but unnecessary thoughts too so needless acts don't tag along after them that's our translation from the daily stoic in the daily stoic journal let me give you Gregory Hayes, which I also really like.

7:29He says, if you seek tranquility, do less, or more accurately, do what is essential, what the logos of a social being requires, and in the requisite way, which brings a double satisfaction to do less better, because most of what we do and say is not essential. If you can eliminate this, you'll have more time and more tranquility. Ask yourself at every moment, is this necessary? But we need to eliminate unnecessary assumptions as well to eliminate the unnecessary actions that follow. And then our second quote from Seneca is, I was shipwrecked before I even boarded. The journey showed me this, but how much of what we have is unnecessary?

8:10And how easily we can decide to rid ourselves of these things whenever it's necessary, and thus never suffering the loss. That's moral letters 87.1. So you really need to stop and ask yourself this question. Is what I'm doing necessary? Why am I doing it? Is it just the way people have always done it, right? All the reasons we do things. But again, most of what we do and say and think is not necessary. It's not even particularly effective or well thought out. And so to question this is really important. And it's not just like, oh, you're privileged. You have a choice. That's why you're not doing it.

8:44It's actually not about privilege at all. In fact, it's the privileged people who can afford to do more unnecessary things, more pointless things, right? It's actually at this point in my career, I had the luxury of taking a lot of time off to, let's say, do press for a book. It was actually earlier in my career that the costs of agreeing to this pointless stuff were much higher, but I wasn't aware of it. I wasn't fully understanding of the opportunity costs, how much this was taking me away from writing, how much this was taking me away from relationships, how much... This was just taking me away from recovering and refreshing so I could go back to my work from a fresher point of view.

9:22And this is what I wanted to leave you with today. Take a minute, stop, ask yourself, is what I'm doing necessary? How much of what I'm doing is unnecessary? And how can I eliminate some of that stuff so I can do the essential things better, right? I'm doing less, but I'm doing all my stuff better now. And I hope that's true for you as well. Hey, it's Ryan. Thank you for listening to the Daily Stoic Podcast. I just wanted to say we so appreciate it. We love serving you. It's amazing to us that over 30 million people have downloaded these episodes in the couple years we've been doing it. It's an honor.

10:01Please spread the word, tell people about it, and this isn't to sell anything. I just wanted to say thank you.

10:35We'll see you next time.

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