Breaking Norms: Jessie Morales’ Breast Cancer Journey

27:16I mean, you know, that's, that's a scary thing. It's really hard. Um, that's, we are, you have to know your children, how they process information and we know that our girls process things with great detail. We need to give them all the details. That early, huh? That early. Oh, they're like their mom, dude. They, they need the details. Um, they ask the questions, even being so little, my oldest, she's very intelligent. Um, she scares me. She's so smart. Um, so we told them that everything that mommy has breast cancer. We did use the word. We want her to know the correct words. We said, I tell her, I tell her that I have bad tissue in my boob and we need to get it gone.

28:07We need to take it out. We need to use medicine. That's going to make it go smaller. And then that medicine also will take away mommy's hair. So she's aware. And we, we read books. We, we do everything we had her a part of shaving my head both of them I saw that yeah we want them to be included in everything and if they have questions we want them to feel comfortable coming to us and asking about it so that's how we entered them into this journey was just with great detail and it's kind of just been easy for them to understand what I'm going through but then it's also hard for them at times when mommy feels really bad and can't tuck them in at night and that is when it's like a dagger in the heart because they love daddy but they want mommy at night they want mommy to tuck them in I'm always there and sometimes it gets to be really hard or it's really hard when I'm having a bad day and I'm just laying on the couch and I feel guilty that I can't play with them because I don't have the energy to do it.

29:22Um, so it's been, it's been really hard. That is hard because, you know, like to your point, if you're on the couch and you're not having a great day, physically, you just can't do anything. You can't do anything about it, but mentally you're still turned on. And you're like, these are my daughters. I need to be out there playing with them and, you know, I want to be interacting, but there's times where you just can't do that. You know, that's, that's very hard. And it just, it's a, it's a reminder of, of where we're at right now. Right. It's like, I'm going through this and, you know, and kids at times, you know, they, they can still, you know, they can still, uh, they can still push buttons and they're going to be kids.

30:03And I, and I also think it's beautiful too, right? What were some of the questions that your oldest daughter asked you that, that you said, like, she's so smart. It scares me. She, she wants to know, um, I think she's going to be a doctor, honestly. She wants to know more about the body and she's like, well, what do you mean about the, the tissue and stuff? So you have to kind of explain or what the medicine does. Why is it take your hair away and stuff. So you have to explain that the medicine is so powerful that it's killing the cells and shrinking the tumor and everything. So then it also destroys your hair.

30:40So, but no, but look, that that's, that's good. She's just, she wants to know everything. Oh man. That, that to me, a five-year-old, tell me about the body. Tell me about the tissue. Like what a special girl, you know, and, and, and it's, it's gotta give you some type of like Like when you're sitting there though, and you see him, you know, playing around and, and, you know, with, with Andrew and, and with each other, that, that, that has to give you some type of, you know, you're not feeling well. It's just like, I'm actually really blessed. Oh yeah. You know, like to have these beautiful children and to experience this and, you know, and to go through something like this, this is, you know, people go through hard shit all the time.

31:23Yeah. You know, and I think that we all think our problems are bigger than everybody else's out there, right? No matter what it is. You know, I was, I was there, I was sitting there the other day and this doesn't really apply, but the perspective does. And I was going through some stuff because what I do is very hard. It is a hard business and, you know, it's not sunshines and rainbows that everybody sees on Instagram. This shit is fucking difficult. The back end of it. Right. And I was just kind of in my shit. I was like, man, this is so hard. You know, this is wrong. That is wrong. And then I saw a video pop up from a friend of mine that lives in Eastern Europe that has been just not on Instagram in about a year.

32:09He's, he's talking about this video and this video about his daughters are in Qatar right now. And I'm like, holy shit. Like, oh my God. I'm like, I messaged him like, bro, are you good? And we, we exchanged, you know, some voice notes over Instagram and, you know, he got choked up. I got choked up. And then I instantly said like, we're all going through things, but our problems are not necessarily bigger than anybody else's. And some people are going through harder things. And it really gave me perspective to, to kind of sit back and just like, okay, the thing that I'm going through right now, that's going to be fixed, you know?

32:55And, and thankfully I talked to him today. They're hopefully on a plane out tomorrow. So they're, they're going to be safe, but, but like the perspective, right. of like, and even in your situation, like there's, there's other situations that are amplified more in, I mean, you're here, right? I mean, we're hanging out, you know, and, and, and you're, and you're doing well through the treatment. Of course, there's days where you're not feeling well, but there's always some, there's always a point that you can look at and go, okay, you know what? I'm, I'm all right. Like it could really be worse, but it's really hard to think that way when you're going through it, you know?

33:34Yeah. Now, you may have seen the buzz, but let me give you the inside scoop. Babe Ruth, Barry Bonds, Ken Griffey Jr., Mark McGuire, all the greats. What do they have in common? They have collectibles, and they're being sold on WhatNot right now. And it brought me back to my childhood. Knowing that I can get my hands on something cool like that really gives me hope. So if you're selling online or out of a storefront, full-time or as a side hustle, you already know the challenges. You're hoping for people to find your listing or waiting for them to walk in. WhatNot flips that right on its head. On WhatNot, you go live and sell directly to people in real time.

34:09They see what you've got, they ask questions, and buy. And they keep coming back. WhatNot is the largest dedicated live shopping platform, whether it's beauty, collectibles, electronics, luxury fashion, or heck, even cookies. Sellers are building real, thriving businesses. Anyone can sell. Whether your business is big, small, or yet to exist, people selling on WhatNot sell 10 times more than on other major marketplaces. That's because you're not just listing products. You're building real connections with buyers. Search whatnot, W-H-A-T-N-O-T in the app store, download, and you can start selling right away.

34:50Yeah, definitely. There are times that I think that I'm so lucky because I have stage three and it's like, who really says that? Who thinks they're lucky they have stage three cancer. Like I'm just so grateful that I don't have stage four, but that's just where I'm at in the cancer journey is that that's something that I'm thankful for. It seems so big to someone else who doesn't have cancer, but that's like a blessing for me.

35:20Cause I'm listening to this right now. Right. And if I had an oncologist, something like, Hey dude, you got stage three cancer. I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah. Like yesterday I was fine. I'll say you're telling me I got stage three, there's only four stages, dude. You know what I mean? And, but that's, that says a lot about you as a person though. Right. And, and I think that in these moments, in this battle, you're going through this fight and it just, you're in the, you're in the trenches, right? And in no matter what you are faced with in the years to come, you're going to be able to call on this experience to be like, I got through that.

35:56Yes. This ain't shit. Like I got this, right? But you're always going to be able to find your way through something. And when it's all said and done, this is building you for something that you don't even know what's coming. This is just my chapter. Yeah. It's not my whole story. No, no. And that's a great point because a lot of people make it the whole story and you can't do that. I'm going to flip the pages in this chapter and I'll be, see you later. And hopefully in six weeks we can close a damn book, right? Yes. At least we'll get that chemo bell. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. What?

36:35Five, six more, five, six more, six more. And you go every week or every week. Okay. Okay. Wow. What's that experience been like?

36:47Oh my God. I keep telling my husband, every car ride there, I do not want to go. Like, I don't want to go. It's like the least thing you want to do. It's just you finally start to feel better. And then you have to go and get hit with it again and go through all the side effects and everything all over again. And I keep saying, like, I can't wait because I haven't had my breast surgery yet. Like, cut me open. Do the surgery. Like, I'll do that. I do not want to do chemo. It is not fun. I am not going to sugarcoat it. I do not enjoy it. I don't, I don't like it. I want to be done with it. What's the community like in there?

37:27Cause like every time you see like a movie or something, you guys are, everybody's in a chair and they're talking, you got some people that are positive and you got the cranky, the cranky one over there. What is that? Is that real? Like, what's that like? It honestly is. It's weird being the 33 year old in the room because it is a lot of older patients and I didn't really think about that going in to my first one. Um, you're kind of just like, let me get in there, let me get started. And then when you open the doors and you get in there and you're like, Oh my gosh, like I'm, I'm really the youngest person in here.

38:01Yeah. And it's just weird being there, but, and it is, it's not, some places do have like private rooms where you can be in a private room and do your chemo, not in my infusion center, everyone's just open and next to each other. So that was like a new thing too. I wasn't expecting that, but everyone is, there are the friendly people that talk to you and you have conversations about, um, there are some other people that are just snoozing away, passed out. And it's, it's so, it's a weird environment. I would imagine. And again, like whether someone's talking, whether someone's quiet or sleeping, it's all good, right?

38:40Everybody's going through this and they're handling it or getting through it the best way that they can. You know, I would imagine though, have you made any friends in there? Well, uh, people have found me from my Instagram. Wow. So I feel like a fucking celebrity. Oh, it's so weird. It's, um, yeah, I think I've gotten reached out like three, two or three times. So, um, I was in one of the, I got a private room once because it was my birthday so they gave me a little private room it was so awesome and um the whole staff came and sang happy birthday to me so everyone in the fusion center heard it and um woman was going by and she's like oh happy birthday she goes you're jesse from instagram or the breast chapter i was like hi nice to see you and then someone else has run into me like oh my gosh like so it's cool yeah but it's it's nice because then i get to like see a familiar your face now.

39:36So now I get to see them every time and go and talk to them and see how they're doing. And we talk on Instagram now. And so it's nice. That's pretty cool though. You know, like it's, it is nice to be recognized, you know, it happens. And it's one of those things that when it first happens, it's like, yeah, what, wait, what, this is like, this is weird. Happened to me at a restaurant with my wife one time. And it was a, the, the server, he was a cool dude. He's like, yeah, man, you actually were commenting back to me on, on YouTube. He's like, wait, was that you? I go, it's me. Yeah. It's me. I, I'm, I'm a control freak.

40:08I don't, I don't let anybody in my DMS or comment for me because I like the community aspect. Right. Cause it, it, you can build friendships that way, but, but yeah, I can imagine that would be weird, you know, because it's, it's a shock. It's something completely different. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And then they're like, Oh, I'm blah, blah, blah. And we talked and it's, it's like, I do talk to every single person, but it gets to be a lot of people. And I'm like, wait, like tell me your story again so I can like remember what we talked about. So, cause like I, I'm exactly like you, I have to talk to every single person.

40:42Like I comment back to every single message that I get. I try to at least because there are a lot of them and a lot of people are going through what I'm going through too. And it's, it's, it's a little depressing too, because sometimes I tell my husband that it gets to be a lot because I have other women coming into me and telling me their diagnosis. And it gets really like sad because you feel for these people, like they're going through the same thing you're going through. And when you're getting like 20 messages like that a day of just recent diagnosis, it's like, it's really heartbreaking.

41:14It's heavy. And sometimes I'll tell my husband, like, I need to take a break. Like I need to just watch my girls and smile and be happy for a minute and just take that little mental break. And it's super important to do that. Right. You can't always respond right away. Right. And I think most people would understand. And to a point where I was very actually surprised you saw my message to you because, you know, you didn't know me. I didn't know you. I saw it. I'm like, I got to follow. I got to follow this. Like I, I, and I love these stories because they're relatable and they're, and they're real.

41:48And when you responded, I'm like, oh, okay, cool. So she saw it. And then, you know, somehow either Andrew followed me and we, me and this guy started talking a lot. Yeah. It's like, it's my homie, man. It's like, but that, but that's like the cool thing about it though, too. Right. And, you know, if anything, you know, once you beat this, like now we all know each other, we're all friends and it wouldn't have been that way if this didn't happen. And so, you know, it's like, there's always a silver lining, but doesn't take away the, the struggle and the heartache. And, you know, the reason why I wanted you on the show is not just to tell your story, but it's also, you know, in life, I, when I was creating this program or this platform and the show eventually was, I want to wake up in a society where people wake up determined to chase their dreams, no matter how they feel emotionally, like through determination and discipline.

42:40Right. And to me, that means something because you can, you can you know be motivated one day and then the next day you just don't take action on shit right and i wanted to inspire and bring hope and to me when i look at you and what you're going through that's the ultimate determination is to not just wake up every day and and do your treatments and fight and keep a positive mind and inspire people, but also be a wife and a mom. That's a lot to handle. It's a lot. It gets heavy at times, but I just look at my two daughters and my husband and that's just what keeps me going. That's awesome. It's, that's the reason why I wake up in the morning, man.

43:37you know it's so funny because like having these types of conversations makes me feel really silly for the moments that i'm just annoyed in my house you know i think it's normal like you know like like hey don't tell me and you don't get annoyed with this chick i'm telling you right now like everybody gets annoyed with with their children their spouse and their friends like danny's dumb ass right there i'm going through cancer and we still get annoyed with each other yeah we still fight. And that's the thing. And that's like, what are we fighting about? You know, but, but it's just so important to acknowledge those things because it isn't sunshine and rainbows.

44:12It is a lot of, you know, emotion going back and forth, you know, have you, this is a hard question to ask. And I ask it with love and empathy. Have you ever, have you ever thought lot of like, what if? Yeah. It's terrifying. Um, because, and that's another reason why the internet's so scary too, is because you do see other people's stories and then you're like, holy crap, if that can happen to them, that can happen to me. What if the chemo stops working? What if they don't get everything in surgery? And then that just leaves you down a bad path. And I try to quickly get myself out of that headspace because I don't want to go down that road and I want to stay positive.

45:03Yeah. But yeah, it definitely. So I think it would cross anyone's mind. Yeah. How do you get out of that? It's I honestly, I don't even know. It's just a you start going down it and you just got to pull yourself back. You just got to think about your family and you just got to think of the good. and everything that I have good right now and the Lord and everything. And that's how I kind of get my headspace back into it. That's a good strategy. That's a good strategy. And the reason I asked that question is because, you know, it's hard. It's really hard. So I think everybody's always asking what if we live in a world like where the craziest shit can happen.

45:46Right. You know, for me, you know, my kids are in a prep school, you know, I'm blessed. My wife is a teacher there and you know they're in a pretty safe environment but there's times when things go on in the world oh like I I can't even like when I get my wife and my kids out the door in the morning you know put them in the car tell them all I love them like I don't even want them to be at school today yeah that's my that's my everything all all three of my kids and my wife and I and I for the longest time, I think it was when the Minneapolis thing happened recently. I'm like, and then I had, um, a gentleman on my show that his daughter Meadow was killed in Parkland.

46:31And I'm like, dude, like this could actually happen. And so I, for like a week or two, like I'm, I literally, when my family would leave, I would cry. Really? Yes. Because I just thought like, this is, this is too heavy for me. It's like, what ifs always happen yeah you know it's like the other night i'm watching a show with my wife and this is actually a really good show it's called um oh my god what is it it's on apple tv it's um harrison ford's in it jason siegel's in it oh my god what is it i i can't remember but we we just started watching it the other night and jason siegel is the one that was in you know forgetting sarah marshall oh yeah yep and his wife had passed and now he's an absolute fucking wreck like yeah he's got women for hire over he's drinking there's some pills in it you know out there they're like messing around but he's got a daughter who's in high school right and she also you know went through the same thing he did when basically what happened is is he lost his wife in a car accident and I'm just like yeah and I'm like fuck and I looked at I looked at my wife I go Jackie I don't know if I can watch this right now and she goes that's a funny this is it's good I'm like no I'm like what if like what if it's like there's always this what if with anything you know and that's why I asked the question because you know I people make fun of me say, do you drive like a grandma?

48:06I'm like, yeah, because what if, like, I like to keep the front of me, the back of me, the sides of me clear. And if I have to go 60, so my wife and my kids don't get that call, then I'm going to go 60, you know, but it's, it's an amazing, it's a crazy thing just to think of like all the things that can happen in life. Yes. You know, I don't know. I don't know what my point is with that, but it just, it, you know, it's a scary thing. It is. Very. So, um, have you had the surgery? You haven't had the surgery. No, not yet. So what's the process that you, you, when is that scheduled? Or do you do that after chemo?

48:45Like, yes. Okay. So I do chemo first and then I will have my bilateral mastectomy. After that, I will do a radiation, I believe for three weeks. So that's Monday through Friday, every day. And then I will have my reconstruction surgery with plastics. And then I will do hormone blockers for either, I think it's like five to 10 years. Oh, wow. Cause I'm a, my, there's different types of breast cancer. So I have estrogen progesterone positive. So that means that that fuels my cancer. So they have to block those. Oh, wow. And in order to have less of a chance of reoccurrence, they do the hormone blockers for five to 10 years after it.

49:31Pill form? Yes. I'm on an, I'm on an estrogen blocker too. I'll probably never get off of it though. Okay. I'll probably never get off of it. You know, that, that, that, that there's this whole medical plan. Yes. Right. And so we, we started in November and I think we're in March, right? I don't know. This year's flying by. Yeah. Like, I don't know about for you, but like, we're almost done with Q1. Mine's like snail speed. Really? I'm like, Oh my God. I feel like it was just Christmas, you know? Um, but again, you know, everybody has a different perspective and things like that. So, you know, all goes the way it's going to, right?

50:10Six weeks, we're going to ring that bell and then your surgery, your double mastectomy, and then reconstruction with plastics. What's the timeframe there? Oh, we're at like a year, year and a half. Yeah. So right around next holiday, this coming holiday season, you'll be, you'll be ready to rock and roll. I hope so. Yeah, you will. We got to think like that, right? Yeah. We got to think like that. But the good news is you look good bald. Oh, thank you. Yeah. You know, she doesn't have a weird shape head, man. That's good. Side profile. Yeah, looks great. Looks great. It's the hair's growing back.

50:43I see that. I see that. Little peach fuzz. Little peach fuzz. That's good. What, how was that for you? Like, I mean, I'm 47 and I'm thinning in my hair and it's getting gray. And I'm like, oh shit, I need some hair product. You know, I need to, I want to, I want to build this bad boy back up. But you know, what was that experience like for you? You know, saying, okay, we're just going to, we're going to, we're going to sit down in this chair. Now you may have seen the buzz, but let me give you the inside scoop. Babe Ruth, Barry Bonds, King Griffey Jr., Mark McGuire, all the greats. What they have in common.

51:18They have collectibles and they're being sold on WhatNot right now. And it brought me back to my childhood. Knowing that I can get my hands on something cool like that really gives me hope. So if you're selling online or out of a storefront, full-time or as a side hustle, you already know the challenges. You're hoping for people to find your listing or waiting for them to walk in. WhatNot flips that right on its head. On WhatNot, you go live and sell directly to people in real time. They see what you've got, they ask questions and buy. And they keep coming back. WhatNot is the largest dedicated live shopping platform, whether it's beauty, collectibles, electronics, luxury fashion, or heck, even cookies.

51:56Sellers are building real thriving businesses. Anyone can sell. Whether your business is big, small, or yet to exist, people selling on WhatNot sell 10 times more than on other major marketplaces. That's because you're not just listing products. You're building real connections with buyers. Search Whatnot, W-H-A-T-N-O-T, in the App Store. Download, and you can start selling right away. I'm just going to do it. I just, there was, so there's a thing that's called cold capping where you can try to keep your hair, or it's just let the chemo do its thing and take your hair. And I did the research, and it just had too many cons for me.

52:41So I figured it was one less thing to worry about. Let's just get rid of the hair. And I'm not going to lie. At the very beginning, it was easy because I just wanted it gone. It started to come out and it was like, let's get rid of it. We got rid of it. And that was an emotional thing because, you know, you saw the video, my husband and my daughters are both shaving my head. And so the waterworks come out. Um, but then after is when the real, real mental, um, battle came with it because yeah, I'm bald. I don't, I look in the mirror and I don't see myself. I see, you see the people do the side eye in the store and they're looking at you like, what's going on with this chick?

53:28Why does she have no hair? So it's really hard. You don't feel feminine. You don't feel pretty in your clothes anymore it's it's it's hard but i know rocking it is easier than just being depressed about it and so i just show up and i'm just proud to have a bald head you know it's funny because not funny in a in a comical sense but you know you're like you said you're at the store and people side eye okay what the fuck is wrong with people what do you but like because because you're what do you think is going on? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I don't, I'm hoping that they're like, oh, is she, does she have cancer?

54:09And like, does that why, or is it just, she thinks she, I don't know, she's going crazy and just chopped her hair off. Britney Spears over here. Like what's going on? Exactly. She's going batshit crazy. Exactly. But yeah, you get the stares all the time, but then you also get the people that come up to you. Randall, I've gotten it so much. They come up to you and you're just like, you are beautiful. your head is beautiful and it's the weirdest compliment ever like you had a good shape head like thank you but it's it's so nice too um and i've had that multiple times target at the cancer institute the nurses that i finally like didn't wear a beanie one day and they're like oh my gosh like your hair look you look so good i'm like well thank you so there's give it gives and takes yeah i mean like i'm gonna tell you right now like it doesn't look bad at all like it actually looks good.

54:58Like you could, if you decided that's the look you wanted, you would pull it off. And I'm not, I'm not bullshitting you, but it's, it's, I think that most people too, you know, I think we all think when someone stares at us or looks at us, they're thinking, they're thinking something right. When I was super overweight, every time somebody looked at me, I thought they were like looking at me going like, you're fat. They probably weren't right. What if when people looked at you and go, Oh my gosh, she's so young and pretty. I hope she's okay. You never know. You never know. And so that's why it's kind of like so important to just, just dance, just like live your own life.

55:35And like, you know, just, I just keep walking by. Yeah. Just keep doing your thing. And man, I tell you what it's, cause we never, we can never be responsible for somebody else, like what they think about what we're doing or what we look like. And that's also something that you learn with cancer is that you, you don't know what other people are going through because that woman that's looking at me, it could be, I remind her of her sister, her mom who's gone through cancer. You don't know. They could just be like, Oh, I know what she's going through. So you just, you never know. Or someone with a pixie cut, is that pixie cut because your hair is growing back or is it just a hairstyle you wanted?

56:11You don't know what people are going through. Oh man. Yeah. That, that, that, that's, that's a long road, right? Like even thinking about getting through it and, you know, growing your hair back, that's going to be a process, right? Yeah. I mean, you could do a pixie cut too, you know? I heard it's like the hardest stage too. It's not the baldness, it's the growing back because it's just all over the place. It's just all over the place. You know, we had a, a very good friend, Jace, who went through cancer young, tumor in his chest he was 26 he he's good he he beat it in a year that's amazing a year and to see the progression you know i i knew him before right he's involved here with the production company at grit media and we were friends and then you know i had him on my show like june of 24 and then he got through it and he beat it and you know you know you you you could see the stages of the hair regrowth, right.

57:12And just like everything. And he still goes and, you know, he, he created a page too. Oh really? Jace beats cancer and it exploded. Oh really? Oh yeah. It was, it was crazy. It got to like 800, 900 ,000 people like that. Oh my gosh. Yeah. And, um, you know, but just seeing him go through it, you know, cause he's such an active human being and then having to work back into activity, like working out and, and everything like that. And it was just amazing to watch. Like he is such a strong human being and, you know, but you know, recently he, the other day he had to, he's like, this is one of the most anxious parts.

57:54I've got to go get another scan, you know, and it's just scans, I had to, I mean, I have enough anxiety just like, I mean, sometimes I run a little bit too tight, but, but, you know, it, it just seems to me that there's so many young people now going through it and, you know, um, and, and coming out on top, like it's, it's truly remarkable. And like, I don't have a doubt in my mind. You're, you know, you'll, you'll have that, you'll have that hairy growth in no time. Yeah. Have you thought about, um, what's the celebratory, uh, you know, at the end, at the end, in the holidays, like what, what's the one thing that you want to do to commemorate this time and, and put it to bed?

58:37Like what's the celebration? Honestly, um, I'm going to burn everything pink. That's my celebration. I don't want pink ever again. I was so excited at the beginning of breast cancer. I was like, I'm going to have everything pink. Everything's going to be pink. I don't like the color pink anymore. So you're not looking forward to October. No, that's actually when I was, um, I found my lump was October 2, which is crazy. Yeah. Breast cancer awareness month. Wow. Wow. It's, uh, yeah, that's that, that, the pink thing. That's pretty funny. You're that's some people say, well, you know, I want to go to Fiji.

59:13Yeah. You know, I want to go do this. And you're like, I'm burning. We do want to do that too. You want to go to Fiji, but we do want to, we want to take a trip eventually and just, you know, finally relax. But yes, I'm burning everything as well. Yeah. That's good too. That's good. Can you guys invite me over for that? I I want to bring the lighter fluid. Yeah, seriously, bonfire. We're going bonfire. I was just burning clothes. Don't worry about it, guys. Everything pink is gone. It's gone. Where's your dream vacation?

59:40I told my husband I wanted to go over to Europe. I want to go to Italy. And I want to go. We actually are thinking about doing, one of his friends did it. It's where you rent like a minivan, a little minivan. And you just go all throughout Italy. That's cool. One of my friends told me last night that a mutual friend of ours, like the married couple, they're going to Italy to go skiing. Okay. And it's actually cheaper to go to Italy and ski than it is to go to Lake Tahoe. I think I saw that. That's just fucking wild to me. Like we're talking about Europe here, right? Like Tahoe is in Cali. Like it's just crazy to me.

1:00:23So I always like, I always like to hear like these, these plans though. Right. Because you know, what I hope that you do is visualize those moments. Yeah. You know, cause I think visualization is such an important part of anything that we do. And you know, when you can feel those emotions of the attainment, what's it going to feel like when I'm in a camper in Italy and going around, like your brain has no idea that's not real. Yeah. I try to do it more and more because it's kind of actually hard to do as a cancer patient. And I don't see into the future as much as I did before, but it's because I'm living in this moment.

1:01:06Like this is all I can process at one time, because if I process everything at the same time, it's just overwhelming. Yeah. So like right now, like my brain's focused on chemo. Let's get to the next chemo cycle and to the next one. Like I haven't thought about surgery yet because I'm focused on chemo. because if I start thinking about my surgery, then I get overwhelmed and I start thinking about, what about this and this and this? So I am trying to think more of like the end game, but I'm like trying to also just be present with where, where I am. Damn it. You just stole my word. Come on, Jesse.

1:01:42And you were nervous. Come on. Taking the words out of my mouth. I was just thinking like, this is giving you the gift of presence. Yes. You know, and and and I think that being present doesn't always have to be super positive either you whatever you're feeling like I truly believe like if I'm feeling anxiety you know a ton of anxiety one day I lean in it put my face in it yep I'm feeling happy like you know I'm happy but if I'm if I'm an angry son of a bitch like I'm gonna lean into that too because what I don't want to do is be incongruent to how I feel emotionally. Right. You don't want to withhold.

1:02:22No, you can't. But that, but that also doesn't mean that I downshift and, and retreat from what I'm supposed to do. Right. Um, you know, yesterday I remember, and I'm very open with my kids too, just like, just like you and Andrew. Um, I was sitting there at my daughter's play. I got to show you guys the videos. It's so cute. And I was like, to the right of me was my older daughter and then my wife and I just had my like head like in my lap and I had this overwhelming sense of anxiety like it wasn't anything related to where I was at like I had my phone in my pocket I can hear I can feel it buzzing constantly I'm like oh my god what's going on is there is there a fire that I need to put out but my my daughter goes daddy hey, what's wrong?

1:03:11I go, honey, I'm so anxious right now. She goes, really? Why? I go, I don't know. I said, it's, I go, it's work stuff. And then I just put my head down and I just took some deep breaths and she starts rubbing my back and you know, it, but I was still present, right? Because I was interacting and I was like telling her what I was going through at that moment. And then she brought me back and then I cried in the damn performance. It's like, You had to get it out. I just, you know, like yesterday was a whole thing. I told you guys like off camera, like I, I got emotional during the, the, the wackadoo zoo.

1:03:47And then I got emotional at the very ending of 13 going on 30 last night. That's where I'm at in my life, Jesse. You're man straining. I seriously, holy shit. Like, but I'm a crier though. Like I, I can. That's not a bad thing. I don't think it is either. I think, you know, I grew up being told that boys and men don't cry. And what I found is I was always angry because of it, because I never released these emotions. You know, for me now though, like if I'm feeling a certain way, like I'm leaning into that shit, you know, because I think at that point, then I can understand my emotions. Right. And then I can be better for everybody else around me.

1:04:26Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Oh man. I, I tell you what, But like, I'm impressed by you guys, like, like truly, because, you know, again, I've said it time and time again, you know, over the last hour now almost is to see you guys go through this and see you specifically go through the journey. Right. You're the one directly going through it. But the amount of support and love you have in your house, it's easy to see it. It's easy to see it. It comes out. but like you know oh damn it the the thing is is i think it's important as a man to have other men that they can lean on in and open up to and i admire you man and you're like i dude you know it because i'm i never i never want to go through this yeah you know but I know what a real man acts like when he does.

1:05:33I wouldn't have been able to get through what I've gone through without him. That's amazing. He's my rock. Yeah. He's been there every step of the way. He's been at every chemo. He watches the girls when I can't do it and he takes care of the house. I mean, I would have been nothing without him. Yeah, I am. I owe a lot to him. That to me is true masculinity. It is. Because I think it's misconstrued a lot nowadays. Like the Andrew Tates of the world and like everybody, this is what masculinity is really supposed to be. Like, no. Yeah. You know, a real man is supposed to be tender, understanding, strong, and just be there when he's supposed to be.

1:06:18To me, that's a man showing up when shit is not going the right way. Right? What are some of the qualities in Andrew that you may have already known but have really come to light in this journey that you respect so much more now? He's caring to like another level of caring. Like he puts me first. He's always put me first. But like this level of first is anything that I need. if I'm with the chemo and the side effects, it's hour by hour. You don't know how you're going to feel the next five minutes. And we'll be, I'll be cleaning the house or I'll be playing with the girls or I'll be doing something in the house and I'll just be standing there.

1:07:06I'm like, I can't stand anymore. I need to just go lay down and he will just be like, go lay down. I got it. no worries, no confrontation, no nothing. Just you go and relax. And he's just always put me first, but this is just like another level of like, I got it. Don't worry about it. And that's, I mean, we wouldn't have gotten through this journey if I didn't have him. Yeah. I mean, I think choosing the right partner is like, I mean, you know, it choosing the wrong partner is is a whole other thing right and when when you're I guess not when you're reminded but when you're shown evidence that you chose right oh like you know I mean thank god you know and I and I think that you know too it's it's you know I got two daughters as well and what is going on in your household is so much more than getting through this and you know getting ready to come out the other side.

1:08:07What's going on right now as your daughters are watching how a man loves a woman and how a woman deserves to be treated. That is the most important gift any girl could ever get. My wife always told me is always telling me this, the daughters get their confidence from how their dad loves them. That's heavy, right? Because I mean, And I mean, you see my stuff, like I don't ever lose it on my son, but my daughters, I can, I can get very frustrated because sometimes I feel like I can't win. Right. You know, but, but, but they're also too, those are, those are my girls. Like I would kill and maim for them.

1:08:47Right. And my son too. Like fuck with my kids and find out like, or my wife, but, but like, you know, it's, it's just an important topic because there's a lot of dads out there that just because they're home they think they're there yeah and that's not necessarily the case they're numbing through food alcohol porn whatever and they're not being present with their children and a daughter needs their dad yeah just like us i mean look a son and a daughter need their dad son and daughter need their mom because there's two different gifts that each ones have right like my daughters love cuddling with me at night, but if they had their choice, they want mama.

1:09:30Yeah. They want mama. Yes. You know, and, but, but in the morning they all come downstairs and they know I'm cooking the breakfast. Like there's like, yeah, those, those are the different things, right? The different, we don't, we don't really exercise normal general rules in our house. Um, we just do what we need to do. Exactly. You know, like if I'm not home and the garbage needs to be taken out, Jackie you'll get up and go do it. You know, if, if, you know, I noticed that the laundry's getting, I'm going to do better at this, babe. I promise. Like I, it's in my calendar, but I keep fucking it up.

1:10:01I'm just, but I want to be able to, to, to, to put the laundry in, you know, and take it out. The problem with the laundry is I don't like folding it. Yeah. You know, like that's the thing that fucks me up. Like I'll, I'll wash it and dry it. Like that's fine. But I get, you know, I think we're all wired, you know, in a, in a household to really make sure that the home is moving as smoothly as possible because when it doesn't, then when my wife gets home, she's stressed. Yes. Right. So we, um, have a thing is if I'm given 80, you got to give 20, like we, we get it to a hundred, but like, say I'm just slacking today, today I'm, I'm at 80%.

1:10:44I need you to carry my weight in the 20%. That's what we do. Yeah. We, he knows when I would work long hours, he would fix dinner. he would do he he's the cook I'm not the cook I'm the cook too I cook every meal every every one of them every one of them but if I'm struggling with laundry and I'm behind he knows how to do it he will do it he'll take out the trash or empty the trash cans like he's there he's the backbone that's awesome that's good yeah not surprised buddy not surprised well thank you so much for coming on and uh it's been great chatting with you I think we're gonna get food now right we're some food.

1:11:22And, uh, you know, what, what I hope people heard out of this is just your, your grit and your determination to get through this and to be ready to come out the other side, but at the same time, be present where you're at. Always. Always. Right. Because there's a gift there. Right. And even though it's not something that's always going to be fun, it's important to remember this. It taught us to slow down. Do you know you used to move really, really fast? All the time with just being busy with work and the kids and just, we're just trying to get through the motions, you know, get to the end, to the end of the, to the night.

1:12:05And you're just trying to get everything done. Now it's kind of like, let's just slow down. And cause I'm not currently working. So it's given us actually more time with the girls, like me personally, which I'm actually really grateful for, even though it's shitty circumstances, but, but, but you still get more time with them. Right. And, and it's so funny when the reason I asked, like you move fast is I feel like the day quick, quick, quick. And once the kids come through the door after school, hurricane. Yeah. Yeah. Homework. Can I have a snack? I'm like, I just gave, I gave you snacks. Like now you want more snacks, like, you know, and then it's, then it's dinner, you know, then it's, and if it's, if it's a night, the girls have to wash their hair.

1:12:52Oh, geez. That's another thing. Right. Like my youngest, she doesn't like, you know, cause she has a lot of hair and then my, my middle side, she's like, okay, I'll wash my hair. It's fine. It's no big deal. But like, there's always something going on, you know? And, and I think that being able to slow the game down a little bit is something that I need to get better at because, you know, the school, you know, um, hearing the kids about the kids day, certain things that they're struggling with the homework, their sports, you know, my wife and her stuff. And then I have my shit too. Yeah. Right.

1:13:28And, and, and it's always hard to sit there and go like, is this a time where I should interject and be like, Hey, I'm struggling with this today. or do I just need to let them have this and slow my shit down? But then also slow it down to a point where I'm actually enjoying the evening. Cause that's hard. Yeah. That's, um, I realize it's, I get to, that's the thing is what I get to brush their hair or I get to tuck them in now because sometimes you're going so fast or you're just, I'm feeling crummy from chemo and I don't get to do that. So now when I get those chances, I get to tuck them in to bed and everything like that.

1:14:11So I think that's a new outlook that we have is to slow down and I get to give them a bath tonight. I get to make them dinner and sometimes I don't get to do that. So when I do, I cherish it. Reframing always helps in understanding that words actually have definition and they mean something, right? So my wife and I have always, we get to, like, that is something that is big in our house. Yeah. And to a point where, like, it's natural to say, like, okay, guys, I have to go cook dinner now. Oh, you get to cook dinner. And I know what she means. Yes. If anybody else were in our house, be like, damn, she's telling his ass to get in the, get out in the backyard and fire that damn grill up.

1:14:54That's not what she's saying. Yeah. She's saying you get to have a family that you get to cook and provide for. Exactly. Right. You get to. And I think that, you know, anytime we, either one of us says the word have to, it's like, nope, nope. Because we also want our kids hearing that. Yeah. Changing your mindset. Yeah. And like, there's times where my wife will look at the kids, like, you get to go to this prep school. You get to have this much homework. Like, this isn't an opportunity that everybody has the opportunity to have. Yes. You know, so I think just the reframing, right. Is, is, is super important.

1:15:31Like even when you're, you know, even if you're tired, like, you know, I'll be driving home, you know, and I'll be like, cause turning the switch off is hard for me. Yes. Right. Like, you know, coming from this to whatever it is I'm going to walk into, like, I don't know. Right. I have no freaking clue what I'm walking into. It's Friday. So hopefully it's Gucci. I don't know. Hopefully it's fine, but you just never know yeah you know and and and understanding that no matter what it is this is my family and I get to be here with them like that is the most beautiful and natural thing ever yeah you know so oh man well thank you again thank you it wasn't so bad was it no no it was okay you did great I thought you did great you know you I'm sure you inspired some people and And there's people that, that listen to this and they can be like, oh, wow.

1:16:23Like I'm going through this right now. And that's the beautiful thing about this show is we tell real stories. We don't click bait people. We don't do any of that shit. We just, whatever, whatever I can connect with on the guest and say, okay, this is the story I can bring out. And it's an experience, right? And I bet you, you wake up tomorrow and be like, oh, that wasn't so bad. Yeah. And trust me, it's going to come out very good. I have a feeling about these things, right? Dan, this is a really good one. And so you're, when it, when it airs, you're going to get to hear this and how special your relationship is and how special your relationship is with your kids and how special you are to be able to, to shoulder this and kick the shit out of this thing.

1:17:04So I'm excited for you. I'm excited for you. I'm excited for the bonfire. That's going to be fun. Oh my gosh. Yes. You're going to have to come. I will come. I'll be there. Trust me. If that's actually going down and you're going to burn that shit. My parents have a bonfire area. Yes. We will have one. We'll bring the fam. Awesome. We're doing it. Yeah, everybody will have to bring something pink. Yes, and I'll just burn it down. Bring something pink. Just one thing. Just burn it. Burn it. Oh, my gosh. Well, guys, thank you so much for listening. Go check out Jessie at The Breast Chapter on Instagram.

1:17:37Follow her journey and watch her win this thing. But I encourage you to do one thing, though. When you find her page, I want you to scroll all the way down to the beginning, And I want you to watch every single video because you're going to see how amazing she is, how amazing her husband is and her kids and how she has chosen to take this thing on and beat it. So I hope this message today inspires you guys. If you're going through something like this, definitely know that you're not alone. Check her out, dive into her story and share this episode with somebody that you know, love and trust. And thank you guys again for listening and watching.

1:18:14I couldn't do this. Couldn't be where I'm at without you guys being faithful listeners and watchers of the show. So have a great day, guys. Until next time, stay determined.