Fatherhood & Mindset | Breaking Norms to Build Determination

26:40But we sacrifice so much unnecessarily because we don't know what matters most. We haven't defined and aim, and we end up sacrificing our soul on this proverbial altar of success, and we get there and we achieve it, and it's hollow. And we don't know why. It's because we have missed the fact that this is about alignment, this is about subtraction, this is about saying, how do I remove the things from my life that are not aligned with what I believe God is calling me to do and the person that I want to become? Now, you may have seen the buzz, but let me give you the inside scoop. Babe Ruth, Barry Bonds, Ken Griffey Jr., Mark McGuire, all the greats.

27:22What do they have in common? They have collectibles, and they're being sold on WhatNot right now. And it brought me back to my childhood. Knowing that I can get my hands on something cool like that really gives me hope. So if you're selling online or out of a storefront, full-time or as a side hustle, you already know the challenges. You're hoping for people to find your listing or waiting for them to walk in. WhatNot flips that right on its head. On WhatNot, you go live and sell directly to people in real time. They see what you've got, they ask questions, and buy. And they keep coming back. WhatNot is the largest dedicated live shopping platform, whether it's beauty, collectibles, electronics, luxury fashion, or heck, even cookies.

28:01Sellers are building real, thriving businesses. Anyone can sell. Whether your business is big, small, or yet to exist, people selling on WhatNot sell 10 times more than on other major marketplaces. That's because you're not just listing products. You're building real connections with buyers. Search whatnot, W-H-A-T-N-O-T in the app store, download, and you can start selling right away. Wow. So many different ways I can go from that, dude. I do want to start by saying, when you think about subtraction, it doesn't necessarily need, and this is important for the audience, right? Because for me, I subtracted something.

28:47Yes, I subtracted some people, right? That I needed to. But for the most part, it was, it was, it was a, an emotion that I subtracted. So, and, and, and you've helped me with this and Matthew Hedden has been instrumental. Oh my God, Matty. We should have called him. We should, you know, know he doesn't have an iphone loser what a dweeb i know seriously the guy's doing so well now he's crushing online business like buy a fucking iphone dude what's your problem i don't even know we can be friends green bubble um but no it's just kidding buddy we love you um but but dude like there was there was this time and and you know we'll get into this and i know you've got notes on this, but I was so stuck.

29:35Like I couldn't figure out why I was unable to get in shape. You know, cause I know what to do. It's not rocket science. You know, like, like Matthew always says, it's simple, but it's not easy. Simple, but not easy. Simple, but not easy. It's like, you know, eat better food, whole foods primarily move your body. I'm sorry. Is there an easier recipe than that. But it's so hard, right? And the problem was, I just didn't think I was good enough to be there. There was a lot of shame. There was a lot of self-hatred. And every single time that I started on a 75 hard program or a fasting thing or whatever the gimmick was for me to lose weight, it was all based on self-hatred.

30:22I hate the way I am right now, so I'm going to change this. And it was in November of 24. And I've told this story, but I ran into my good buddy, Jeff Delaney in a room here in Naples. And he owns a testosterone clinic and a weight loss clinic and multiple of them. And he's just an amazing guy. And I couldn't look him in the eye, dude. Like I just couldn't. I'm like, I'm embarrassed right now. And at that point in time, and I don't, I might've even have told you this, but it was hard for me to even get off the couch and be in public unless I was recording. But then every time I would see a recording, I hated the way I looked.

31:03It wasn't about vanity to me. There was something bothering me and I couldn't figure out what the hell it was. And so the moment I shifted to,

31:18I'm going after this. I need to be the best I can be. And I want to be alive longer. I want to be healthy for my children. That's the thing that really pushed me at the beginning.

31:35But it's all coming back to me. So I'm having a hard time. It's so hard to articulate when you're in the emotion of it. What was the thing for you, Sean, that was in the way? What do you feel like was that variable that you were like, hey, this is the thing that has to be subtracted, eliminated. It's got to get out of the way so that I can move forward. Self-hatred. Self-hatred. And shame, you know, not liking the way I looked. And it completely torpedoed me emotionally. Yeah. You know, so I decided to go all in. And I was like, okay, I'm going to do this. Why? I'm curious. Why did you get to that?

32:10Or what led to the point where like, dang it, I'm going all in?

32:17i never really um dug into a very very deep level of the potential consequences but what i will say is i was miserable and the pain got so big and so great and not just emotionally but it started to turn into physical pain yeah it's like i gotta do something i've got three beautiful children. I got a beautiful wife and I fear if I'm not around for them. My biggest fear isn't, and I've been seeing this trend lately, like this trend, my biggest fear isn't dying. My biggest fear is not being there for my children when they need me.

32:59So, and that could be physically, that could be emotionally. And I saw myself as being very un-present. I lacked, I lacked presence, dude. And so I was like, okay, well, let me, let me go do this. And what started happening is my alarm clock used to say at 4am, wake up, bitch, change it to, I love you, Sean. And so the first thing that I saw every morning and still see every morning is that. And so it put me in a space of being grateful for, you know, waking up. And I started executing and running the play, dude. And then all of a sudden, week one down eight pounds, week two down eight pounds.

33:44Right. And then that started happening. And then all of a sudden I realized I'm like, more people are starting to listen to the show now. My speech pattern changed, you know? Yeah. I drop an occasional F bomb here and there. because that's just who I am. But it used to be like every - We love you for you, by the way. Yeah, thank you. So do you. Thank you. It's your fault. He made me. So he knew what he's getting into. But like, it used to be every other word. And so what I realized is the quality of the show got better. My speech pattern got better. My clarity got way better. Started to look better.

34:19Then people started going, wait a second. What are you doing? I'm like, well, this is what I'm doing. I'm just, you know, trying to be healthy. Yeah. And remember the time I was telling you like, man, I can't get anybody invested in my show. Oh yeah. Dude, we had two infusions last year. And we're vetting more. Because I was not outwardly living the brand. Here I was, I had a show called The Determined Society that talked about determination and discipline. And I didn't look the part. Right. And so was I living determination and discipline within my show? Sure. People can't see that. They can't see that.

35:05And so once I started displaying that, right, and people started going, oh, that's the guy. The influence grew, my impact grew, and the show exploded. Right? And I look back on it and I'm still moving towards it. Yeah. You know, I'm still lifting six days a week. I don't care. I'm gonna lift six days a week. Like I'm enjoying it. Yeah. I know what my nutrition plan is. I'm gonna stick to it. Because my boy Jeff told me this is what you do. Yeah. You know, and he, that's, that's, that's what he does for a living. And it's become this thing for me that is, I don't know why I'm thinking of a Tesla pulling over on the side of the road and getting charged.

35:50It charges me. it is it is fulfilling for me yeah to wake up every day and go do something that i may not want to do that day yeah i may want the fries with the pizza and all the ice cream but like i choose to do that sparingly now because yeah i have goals so for me you know long-winded um rant there but it was for me it was removing the self-hatred the shame yeah and looking at this as an opportunity to improve instead of punishing myself because of how i look yeah and that's what everybody is struggling with out there. They want to get in better shape because they hate the way they look. It's never going to work.

36:26It's never going to work. It's not. And you can overlay that in any sector of life. I hate where my marriage is. I hate my financial situation. I hate my job. I hate my boss. I hate my whatever it is, insert, fill in the blank. And the thing that I found is that hatred is always rooted in fear. Always. It is always rooted in fear. And fear is an illusion, right? Fear's always an illusion because we're telling ourselves a story about an outcome that isn't reality. That's where anxiety comes from, is that I'm telling myself a story like, what if this happens? And what if that happens? And what if this?

37:09I'm really good at that. Well, we all are. And it's a misuse of what I believe is this incredible gift that most of us abandoned when we were kids. And it's our imagination. No one taught us how to use our imagination. And when someone doesn't teach you how to use a tool, well, what do you do? Just like I've got a one-year-old, I've got a four-year-old, a six-year-old, and an eight-year-old. And my one-year-old right now, he doesn't know how to use most anything. So what does he do? When he sees daddy's hammer, he goes over and grabs and starts running around amok. I'm like, whoa, dude, you're going to hurt somebody.

37:51Until we learn how to use a tool and use it well, it can actually be something that can cause a lot of damage. And I think that that's how our imagination is, is that if we think about anxiety and fear and worry and doubt, those are all future-based things. I'm thinking about something that does not exist yet in this reality, in this moment, and I am attaching to an emotional state because of a perceived outcome. I'm saying, I'm worried this is going to happen. So guess what? Now I'm worried. Now I'm sitting here anxious because I'm worried about this thing. And it's all in our imagination, but we do the same thing in the past.

38:29That's where our shame and our guilt and our condemnation and the regret is because we're going back into the past saying, I should have, if I only would have known, if I could have done this, so on and so forth. But what I have found is that if we look at any area of our life and say, I hate this, that sometimes is enough to get people to make the start, but it's not enough to sustain you and see you through to the end. Sustainability is massive. And that's where the breakdown happens, right? Because when I said, like you cannot do better hating a certain situation. Yeah. Like you can for a little bit, but to your point, the sustainability of it, like you're going to burn out really quickly.

39:16If you're leading with, I have to fix this because I can't stand it. Like for me, it's just, it's more of, you know, I, I got that figured out in my personal life, right. With my, with my physical body and, and how I treat it. What I'm still trying to do is migrate that over to here. Right. And this conversation has helped me so much because, you know, it made me realize like everybody wants to go another level. Right. Everybody wants to do well. Everybody wants to grow to a certain point. But I've started despising where we're at. And I'm like, oh, shit. When you said that, I'm like, no, no, no, no.

39:59It can't be there. like i've got to throw an amazing amount of gratitude and love to where we're at yes because if i look back a year ago well let's just go back a couple years sean oh geez yeah so guys he's he's pulling out his lovely little remarkable um pad and i believe these notes were from actually three years ago right it was um our first conversation we ever had one of them

40:31how revealing do you want me to go ahead man but i mean listen dude you know so this conversation sean we we um we talked about how in that season of life you were under a lot of stress there's a lot of financial stress there's a lot of questions of the future of the podcast and direction and you know do i want to build courses and programs and coaches and or and do coaching or do i want to just like have these interviews? Do I want to build big business? Do I want to like all the options, right? You're afraid of losing everything. That was the pervasive story. What if going after this dream makes me lose it all?

41:10What if I lose my wife and my kids and myself in the process? And it was a season where we talked through, you had some, we're dealing with some dark thoughts, which I've been there too. I've had those moments, those seasons. I don't know if I shared this story the last time, but there was a point in my life where I walked in the bathroom with a Glock in my hand and I said, I was in your mouth. Yeah. You, you shared that. I was done. Yeah. And so I know that we all have these seasons, these moments, but it was, it was really interesting because I, we walked through a process together and I said, well, let's, let's reframe this and look about, look at the things that, that you do want.

41:46And then let's ask the question, why, why do you want those, Sean? And so it was really interesting as we went through. And this is just for everyone listening. I want you to know, we have ups and downs. We have these seasons. We have these moments. And you're never going to get to all tens. You're never going to get to all tens. And so it's not about perfection. It's about saying, and this is what a lot of the people that I work with is the question of intentionality. Did you choose that intentionally or not? Was that a reaction? Was that something that you just did because of default or did you choose that?

42:24You know, if you chose the pizza, fine, cool, you chose it. That's what I want to know, right? Did you intentionally do this? And as we were going through some of it, you were talking about how controlling your thoughts was really challenging. Controlling your emotions was challenging. Your morning routine sucked. Your self-talk sucked. Wow. Fun was a one out of 10 is the rating that you gave yourself. I'm not having any fun right now in this season. Your joy was a two. Your peace was a one. And your relationship with God was a one. And so we went through this and basically you out of a hundred points, your score was 38 out of a hundred.

43:07I remember this now. Okay. Yes. And immediately you went to shame and guilt and just like, oh, I hate this. I hate this, right? And then we reframed it. I said, all right, Sean, now I want you to stop. I want you to tell me about the man that you know you are. And this is the reframe for everyone listening. It's not about hating who you are. It's about looking at yourself with what I call fierce empathy, which we've talked about, and saying, how can I treat myself as someone that I'm responsible for? How would I treat another person who is dealing with these things? Would I beat the crap out of them and tell them all that?

43:45Or would I say, hey, let's walk through this. Yeah, there's some things that need to adjust. But the shame and the guilt and the regret, no, you just need to remember who you are. And that's what I think is the key here, Sean, is that these dreams and aspirations, these things that we have, I always ask people this question. I say, what if those were placed there by God as an invitation? Now, you may have seen the buzz, but let me give you the inside scoop. Babe Ruth, Barry Bonds, Ken Griffey Jr., Mark McGuire, all the greats. What do they have in common? They have collectibles, and they're being sold on WhatNot right now.

44:21And it brought me back to my childhood. Knowing that I can get my hands on something cool like that really gives me hope. So if you're selling online or out of a storefront, full-time or as a side hustle, you already know the challenges. You're hoping for people to find your listing or waiting for them to walk in. WhatNot flips that right on its head. On Whatnot, you go live and sell directly to people in real time. They see what you've got, they ask questions, and buy. And they keep coming back. Whatnot is the largest dedicated live shopping platform, whether it's beauty, collectibles, electronics, luxury fashion, or heck, even cookies.

44:55Sellers are building real, thriving businesses. Anyone can sell. Whether your business is big, small, or yet to exist, people selling on Whatnot sell 10 times more than on other major marketplaces. That's because you're not just listing products, you're building real connections with buyers. Search Whatnot, W-H-A-T-N-O-T in the App Store, download, and you can start selling right away. What if the dreams and aspirations that he's given each of us as individuals, when you think about it, what if those are little seeds that, like a vision that God has planted and said, I want you to chase after this.

45:34But the key is, I want to do it with you. I want to walk with you and I want to father you. I want to guide you. What if those things aren't intrinsically selfish? And we had that conversation. I was like, Sean, like what here is selfish? He's like, this isn't about me, dude. I want to inspire and encourage and help people get out of their own way. And I want them to see what discipline can do. And I want them to have an incredible marriage and a great relationship with their kids. Like all these things were not just this, I want to be awesome and amazing and have everybody look at me. And if If you ask anybody that is halfway aware, you'll find that most of the dreams and aspirations that they have are not selfish.

46:12They're because they want to make the world a better place. They want to give and serve. And so I asked you, I said, Sean, tell me about that man. Tell me about that man that you see in your mind, the one that you know you really are, the one that you want to be. And you said, he's smiling. He's glowing. He's on stages. He's wearing all black with red accents. shout out to the red accents, Nike sponsorship. Come on. Come on guys. You said, I want to, I want a tight fitting shirt where I look chiseled. Check out them veins, show off the vein for a second. You said, I want it to be a big room where I'm able to inspire and encourage.

46:49I want to feel peace, gratitude. I want my faith to grow. I want to be a man of discipline. I want to be happy. I want to be excited to be alive. And then we walked through, I had, I had you visualize, I said, Sean, that man, I want you to take a moment and close your eyes. And I want you to tell me, when does he wake up? And from the moment he wakes up, walk me through his day. Walk me through his day. What is he doing? And what does his life look like? You threw some stuff at me around, protein shakes, wild blueberries. One of the first things that I think that you said, you said, when the lights come on, the very first thing that I'm going to say is I'm going to say, I love you.

47:25You changed that on your phone, Don, after this conversation. They do. I have it written right here. Two years ago after that conversation, I changed that. You said, I want to say I love you. It's time to pour into you to be happy with who you are. Pre-workout, get to the gym, treadmill, workout, sauna, all that. These are things that are a part of your life now, right? And it was really interesting. You said, when I leave for the gym, I want to get in a TRX. and for anyone that's not aware um sean has a beautiful trx that he now drives that was not in the picture at this time right because you were like dude there's no way there's there's no way you said i want this podcast to be be hitting streaming platforms i want um uh i want a mac daddy studio i'm sorry come on right now there's still levels right we know this but you said, I want to be working with a PR team, which didn't exist.

48:28You're like, I don't even know what that looks like. How I'm going to make that happen. I want to have premieres and grand openings. I want to know who's on deck. I want to be able to live in Naples, have a forever home, right? You were sharing all these different things that were desires that you said, that's the man that I know that I can be. That's the man that I want to be, and I want everyone listening right now to understand something. When we were going through this exercise, this was not your reality. This was the reality of the man in your mind, and you said that's his life. That's his reality.

49:08I want that. And what you did is you put in the work required to create that, and somebody said it outside, that's manifestation, right? Manifestation is not some crazy woo-woo stuff. What it looks like is the creative process that says, I'm going to define a name. This is who I want to be. This is how I want to live. And you project into the future and say, how does he or she show up? When do they get out of bed in the morning? Because right now I'm getting out at like 6.30, maybe snoozing. No, no, no. I'm getting up at this time. This is what my morning routine looks like. This is what my day looks like.

49:40And you start to actively create every single day. And the more and more that you do that, you manifest and create a new reality. But I think the foundation of all of this, Sean, is a conversation we were having earlier, is that the reason most of us don't actually create the results and step into it, and you're living it right now. But what's crazy is that there's still that kind of dissatisfaction. Yeah, but there's another level. There's another level. Yeah, I was like, hey, come on. And I was driving this morning on the way here. I shared this with you earlier. And most mornings, One of the questions that I ask is, God, is there anything specific that you're wanting to show me today?

50:24Is there anything you want to tell me today? And I'm driving, and I'm just listening, and all of a sudden it hits me. And I realize I'm driving down this interstate, and there's traffic in Florida. Oh, yeah, dude. 75, bro. And I'm driving, and there's all these different vehicles, and different people are going different speeds, and I hit stop and go, so on and so forth. and I felt like God just dropped this in my spirit that I thought was for me, but maybe it's, you know, hopefully this will be useful for those listening is that he said, I've been teaching you about potential versus capacity for a while.

51:00And if you look at these vehicles, this is a lot like life. You have a specific destination that you're headed towards, but so does everyone else. You're all moving in the same direction, but some people are going faster than you. Some people are going slower than you, but every one of them have a different destination. You're not all going to the same place. And what we do is we look at our aim in life or the place that we want to get to, and we think, okay, it's a hundred miles down the road. Well, a hundred miles down the road might have some twists and turns and bends. You might have some things, accidents that happen on the side of the road, deer jumps out, alligator, whatever.

51:39We're in South Florida, a ziguana probably, right? Or a gator. Or a gator, right? And if you're not careful, you can misunderstand that that's what's possible. That's the potential, the potential that you have. But if we don't steward our capacity well, meaning that if I just pedal to the metal 120 miles an hour, guess what? I'm going to run out of gas versus if I put it on cruise, right? And I'm I'm focused, I'm intentional, and I'm driving my lane, and I'm focused on my lane, I'm going to get there. I don't necessarily know how long it's going to take or when I'm going to arrive, but the mistake we make, Sean, is that we start looking over at the other people, and we start, wait, they're going faster than me.

52:23They're going faster than me. Why is this guy going so slow, right? And we get into this comparative and competition when we don't even realize they're not even going to the same place. They're not going to the same. We're headed in the same direction and all of us in life are moving forward, but we judge and we criticize. And a lot of times it's for ourselves. And I'm trying to process all this as I'm driving. And that's usually how God speaks to me. He gives me this downland. I'm like, I don't even know what that means. And he reminded me of something that he shared with me a couple of years ago that you and I talked about a few months ago.

52:58An acorn and an oak tree have the same potential. they do not have the same capacity yep and the mistake that we make is that we look at our potential we look at the vision we look at the things that we want to accomplish and achieve and we can see it but we're not necessarily ready for it because we don't understand our current capacity if i take the same amount of water and sunlight and nutrients that's required for an oak tree to grow and thrive and i give that to an acorn i'll kill it if i take the same amount of water and the soil and the nutrients that are needed for an acorn to grow and thrive, and I give that to an oak tree, I'll kill it.

53:39Because their capacities are different, but their potential is the same. And what we do is we, as the acorns in our life, we look at our marriage, we look at our finances, we look at our business and we're like, well, it's growing, but I really want to grow. I really want to grow. The fascinating thing about trees is if you try and force a tree to grow and you give it too much water, what happens to the fruit, Sean? It comes out twisted, perverted. It comes out wrong. It doesn't actually create healthy, good fruit. And so you got, especially for men, we have a lot of guys that are like, I want to bring shade and protection.

54:15I want to give fruit. I want to be able to take care of all of these people that are in my life, but they don't realize that that's their potential, but they only have a root system that's two inches deep. They have not taken the time to grow down those roots through the difficulties and challenges of navigating life and being willing to say, I'm going to grow my capacity deep in understanding emotional regulation, disciplining myself, showing up and being present, being kind to myself, learning how to manage my time well, learning how to communicate, developing my skills and digging my roots down deep so I can grow up.

54:52Instead, what we do is like, oh, just, I got to get there. And any plant, which as human beings, we're just complicated plants, right? Food, water, sunlight. That's what we need. We have emotions. We're trying so desperately hard to get there that we don't even realize that oftentimes when we get there, the fruit of our lives and the things that we're wanting to create, they don't come out the way that God intended. Dude, it's so crazy because

55:23dude, the

55:28I cannot tell you how timely this is because we sit there like we need to be doing this. We need to go to the World Cup. We need to be there on site. We need to interview all these players. We need to be at Tortuga. We need to do this. We need to be at opening day versus the Giants and the Yankees in San Francisco. We need to do all those different things. And while our potential is there, we don't have the capacity yet. And, you know, I've been having these conversations with Pat, you know, my, one of my good, one of my best friends and he's one of my partners. I was like, Hey, we're going to do all these things, but maybe it's just not time because, and I love the dreaming, you know, me, you know, I love when people say like, Hey bro, let's go do this.

56:14I'm like, yes, all the yeses, Let's do it. But as I'm, I'm, I'm listening to you and you're talking about, I just want to grow and you're flexing and you're straining. I feel like that's where we're at now, you know? And, and again, like I don't ever hold anything back. That's where I'm different. You know, I, I don't, I don't see this as anything other than just the opportunity to be honest with people and hopefully it makes an impact. Right. But like where we're at right now is I'm straining to get to that next level when it's just like, why don't I just let the roots grow? Here's a great example.

56:51I want to, I don't mean to interrupt, but I think this will be really useful for people to understand this. Do you do bench press when you go to the gym? Yeah. Dumbbell. I do dumbbell press. Okay. Dumbbell press. All right. You and I both know that, and you mind me asking like, what's your typical press? I mean, if I'm doing sets of 10, which is typically that old, you know, 75, 80s. I work out by myself, so I don't. Got it. Yeah. Okay. So you got 75, 75, something like that, right? You're pushing. Okay. So here's the mistake that we make. We go into the gym and we see all the potential in the world.

57:27Like, dude, there's, there's 150 pounds over here and this, that, there's all this stuff. Right. And we see people walking around and I'm sure they have them at your gym. Right. Like, dude, that guy's yoked. He's jacked. Right. And what we do is that we lay down on the bench and we're like, Hey, I know my capacity is I can, you know, I'm going to be doing, you know, 10 reps, 75 pounds, and I can do three sets. And that's where I'm at, but I want to push myself a little bit. I'm maybe going to bump up to 80 because I want to grow, right? What we do is we walk in there and we, we look at the 150 pounds and say, why can't I do it?

58:02Why can't I do that? Yeah. And so we end up trying to take on all of this stuff that is a potential for us in time. We're not ready for it yet. No, you're going to hurt yourself. You'll hurt yourself. That's what we do is we take on all this pressure and this weight because we're like, I know that I can do it. Yeah, you can do it, but maybe not right now. Yeah. Maybe your capacity is 75, 80 and you say, okay, well then I'm going to commit to a plan to have progressive overload. But you and I both know this. You can't have progressive overload all the time. If you push a PR and you're going for it, you need a rest.

58:35Yeah. You got to take a couple of days for your body to recuperate. And it's the same thing with our mind, with our business, with our finances, is that a hard driving go, go, go, go, go all the time will overwhelm you. But if you can recognize your capacity, like for me, my capacity in the season, I have four young kids and I have committed. One of my things that I've committed to my wife and as a part of our thing is unless I'm traveling, it's breakfast, lunch, and dinner with my kids and with my wife. I know that there's opportunity cost to that. Because I know I could have that time and I could be building business and doing all these other types of things.

59:13But I've made the decision of saying, this is my capacity in life right now and those things are going to have to wait. It doesn't mean I'm not going to still pursue them and lean into them, but I'm not going to overwhelm myself because the capacity that each of us have is different. Your capacity is different than mine, different than Dan's capacity. It's different than every person. But we fail to stop and pause and say, is this actually something that I have the bandwidth to do? And if not, how do I increase my capacity? And increasing capacity is where I think we should focus more of our time and attention, just like you increase your capacity at the gym every time you go and you push yourself.

59:59but it doesn't mean that you, you throw a pity party or you get mad at God or say that life's unfair because you can't bench 150s. Yeah. It's so funny. It's like, I'm, I'm, I'm so, I'm wired so different there with the amount of weight give two, two craps. You know, I, I, I, for me, I always want to lift heavier because I know if I lift heavier than I'm breaking the muscle down more and I'm growing for me, you know, the amount of weight in the gym is never an ego play. But you know, it's funny because I'll get, I mean, there's, I'm at a point right now where I'm getting frustrated because I'm, you know, certain, I don't know, I'd say the last three weeks, I haven't felt myself getting stronger and, you know, I'll feel like, you know, the tired in the shoulder, like set to, I'm like, okay, my body's telling me something probably need a deload week.

1:00:47Right. Right. And I don't even, I got to research it. I don't even know how to do one of those. Like, like, I know people talk about it. I know it's supposed to be beneficial, but like Target 60 to 70 % of your typical. That's a deload. Oh, okay. Yeah. It's not complicated. Wow. I can do that. Yeah. I had a deload week two weeks ago and it's built into my app and I was like, I'm so tired. I'm so tired. And it was a deload week and it's about 60%, you know, 60 % roughly of what you typically do where you almost feel like, dude, this is cake. It's easy. I could do like, you know, eight more reps, but yeah, you're, you're just, you're just working.

1:01:23How often do you do a deload week? I, I mean, this is the first one that I've done in probably two or three months. Yeah. So it's not very often. Yeah. So I don't, I don't, I've never done one. Really? So I'm going to, I'm going to next week I'll do a delo week. Okay. But see, we also say like, yeah, but I'm taking it easy, man. Well, guess what? Your body. Sometimes you have to. You need that. But see, that's the thing too, because like that right there, you know, like we all go through that. Yeah. You know, like, no, no, no. If I, if I, if I'm taking it easy, then I'm not progressing. but sometimes you have to slow down to speed up you do you know and i think that's one of the narratives on social media that people are really getting fed and they struggle with right because you have these amazing individuals like a goggins i mean i don't know if he's an amazing individual i've never met him right but people perceive him as amazing individual because of what he's done yeah all he's doing is being himself and and and literally literally documenting what works for him Yep.

1:02:19Don't go try to do what he does. No. Like, that's ridiculous. Now, you may have seen the buzz, but let me give you the inside scoop. Babe Ruth, Barry Bonds, Ken Griffey Jr., Mark McGuire, all the greats. What do they have in common? They have collectibles, and they're being sold on WhatNot right now. And it brought me back to my childhood. Knowing that I can get my hands on something cool like that really gives me hope. So if you're selling online or out of a storefront, full-time or as a side hustle, you already know the challenges. You're hoping for people to find your listing or waiting for them to walk in.

1:02:53Whatnot flips that right on its head. On Whatnot, you go live and sell directly to people in real time. They see what you've got, they ask questions, and buy. And they keep coming back. Whatnot is the largest dedicated live shopping platform, whether it's beauty, collectibles, electronics, luxury fashion, or heck, even cookies. sellers are building real thriving businesses. Anyone can sell whether your business is big, small, or yet to exist. People selling on whatnot sell 10 times more than on other major marketplaces. That's because you're not just listing products. You're building real connections with buyers.

1:03:30Search whatnot, W-H-A-T-N-O-T in the app store, download, and you can start selling right away. but then you have like you know andy frisella who's built an amazing brand yeah and so when when those types of guys that have that much influence that have done so much go out there and they tell everybody you need to work out twice a day you need to never have a cheat meal you need to never eat ice cream you need to never drink alcohol you have to do this you have to do that Well, then people believe like, that's the way I'm supposed to live, you know, 24, seven, 365. And I don't know. And it could be that way for Andy.

1:04:11Like, sure. But it doesn't mean that every, it's not like a, it's not like it, we used to make me and Dan used to make fun of corporate every year. Like when we get our new quarters, they just peanut butter it, like spread it out over the whole district. It's like, well, I'm in Cape Coral. What is this? You know, like you can't, you can't take what somebody else does and, and do it for you. Cause again, different capacity. Now, a lot of different things, but the thing that I'm really passionate about now is watching. And when I see something on, you know, the social media apps, like you need to be up at 2am or you're up or you're a bitch.

1:04:53like bro you're just trying to get you're just trying to get yeah comments you're just trying to get people to come in and and follow you and you're going to lead people down oftentimes i mean it's a superiority complex too is because people make themselves feel better by by being able to create this facade or scenarios that i'm up here and you're down here and so if you're not willing to do this then i'm better than you and i've got i'll be careful about name dropping but There's so many individuals on social media today that are in your face, you're trash, da-da-da, you're not doing so on and so forth, and people eat it up, but they don't realize that most of the motivation behind those individuals doing that is because they're so wounded and there's so much pain that the only way they can feel like they're anything is by pushing other people down.

1:05:43I'm thinking of one name now that did it so much and I don't see his stuff anymore, so I'm pretty grateful. I think we're probably on the same page. I mean, double initials, maybe towards the W letter of the alphabet. But dude, and you look at the amount of trauma though, right? And you look at all that. But like for me, you know, I started to understand and I was talking to somebody the other day, dude, and they go, man, I got to get my shit together. Like, what's up? Like, well, I mean, you get, you're in the gym at, what time you get in the gym? I'm like five. That's when it opens, you know?

1:06:22And there's some days that I go later, but like, dude, if I don't have recordings one day, I'm sleeping until six because it's already baked in. Right. It's not a retreat. Right. If this, then what? I learned that from Matt. If this, then what? Yeah. If I have recordings at any point in the day, I'm up at four. I go downstairs and have my protein shake. Then I go to the gym. I don't do the pre-workout anymore. Gotcha. Don't eat it.

1:06:52And if it's not a recording day, I'm up at six. I go downstairs and I make the kids whatever I need, you know, their breakfast and put their snacks in their deal. And I, you know, eat my breakfast at the counter with them while they're sitting on the, you know, the island and we talk. Yeah. So someone said, I'm like, why are you beating yourself up? What do you mean you need to get your stuff together? You look great. I know, but I'm waking up at six and I'm in here by 630. I'm like, okay, what's your point? How's your career going? Great. We're doing good. You know, I'm making money. How's your marriage?

1:07:25Happy. How are your kids? Fantastic. What's wrong? Well, I'm seeing all over the place that people are waking up at four.

1:07:36Listen, for everybody still tuned in to this incredible conversation, It does not matter if someone else wakes up at two or you wake up at six or even 7 a.m. Yeah. It doesn't matter. Like if you have a goal and there's certain things that you want to do as a standard for you every day and you're completing them. Yeah. And you're not taking time away from your family. See, what most people don't know is the reason why I wake up at 4 a.m. and go to the gym by five is because I don't want to take time away from my children and my wife at night. Yeah. so i sacrifice there's opportunity cost that's that's the only reason you i don't think it's cool it's not fun sucks sucks but we just like we were talking about with the cars is that that guy he's looking over at somebody who's driving a different vehicle going a different speed being like yeah but look at them but look at them yeah and that's where especially with a lot of the clients that I work with, they think that I'm going to give them advice.

1:08:41My job is not to give advice. My job is to hold a mirror and ask the tough questions and to say, is this aligned with who you want to be? Yes or no. And then we need to create, you mentioned the word standards. I would hope that anyone listening today, please understand the importance of a standard is you're saying, this is my minimum threshold, non-negotiable. I learned that in woodworking. If you want to cut 100 pieces the same length, and you start with one and you cut it 12 inches, and then you cut the next one, that if you keep using each of the consecutive boards to measure the next one, by the time you get to the 100th board, you're not going to have a 12-inch board.

1:09:20It's going to probably be about 10 inches because there's this progressive or regressive decline. Instead of using the first board that you cut as the measurement for every other piece. You create a standard that is your non-negotiable that says, this is who I am, so this is what I do. And then you introduce a degree of accountability. You and I both know the value in having coaches and mentors and people in our lives that will call us up to that higher standard of saying, hey, you said that this was a non - negotiable, but you seem to be negotiating it. You keep snoozing. You haven't dated your wife in two months.

1:09:54You haven't done the work in order to create the results. So either stop lying to yourself and to me or take ownership of the standard. And I think what I have found is that the more that you adopt standards and you let go of so many of these arbitrary outcomes, the BHAGs, the big, hairy, audacious goals, I'm not saying those are bad, but I think that those are very dangerous because when we say, I'm setting this goal, we create this gap and this distance in our mind and say, well, until I can get there, I'm not, I'm not going to feel okay. I'm not going to be happy. I'm not going to be satisfied.

1:10:31And if you change that and say, yeah, I'd like to get there and we're going to get there. I don't know when, I don't necessarily know how, but what I do know is that if I follow these daily standards and I keep showing up consistently every single day, I'm going to get there. You know, that's a great point because it's like the thing that I want to clarify for the audience is like, when you're saying like, it's my standard, it's what I do. Cause I said I would, you know, in, in, in the thing that I think people really struggle with is it's all fine and dandy when they're in a good mental space, when they're not tired.

1:11:08Yeah. But the moment they had a fight with their spouse tonight before and they're completely destroyed and depleted and angry and upset, maybe remorseful, maybe regret what happened. Yeah. Until you feel those feelings and still go do what you're supposed to do. That is a man or a woman living in a standard. It's what I do. And for me, what I've been able to figure out is, does it matter how I feel? Is it a lift day? Okay. Well, what's my split? it what is it today oh it's legs i don't want to do legs tough shit you cannot lie to yourself see a lot of people think it's it's about the achievement aspect of it it's never about that yeah for a person who's looking to do more and be more and be more for his family and his friends and everybody around them yeah they have to understand one thing it is not about the achievement.

1:12:09It's about being a man that is so loyal to his word. Yeah. Like for me, that is everything. It's integrity. If I said I got to do it, I'm going to do it. But you know what happens in the process? You become unbreakable. You, you, you, and again, I'm not saying that you are, you know, literally unbreakable, but like you, you understand where you're at, you understand your value and you understand where you're going and you want to build confidence. It's not in the short shorts. It's not in the tank tops. Okay. It's not in the yoga pants. It's following through with what you say to yourself in silence that nobody freaking hears.

1:12:56It's keeping your word to yourself. That's it. That's the secret. Yeah. It's keeping your word. And it's not about, like you said, I think the mistake people make is that it's not about the achievement or becoming more powerful. It's about you cultivating and creating the stability that will enable you to weather the storms that life is going to throw. It's not, I'm trying to be this big, incredible, achieve all these things. It's saying, no, I know that there's going to be heavier responsibility. There's going to be more weight. There's going to be more challenges and more difficulty. So I'm strengthening myself so I can be stable in and through that.

1:13:30And I think what you saw and experienced over these past few years, Sean, is it's biblical. It says, he who is faithful to little things will be entrusted with more, will be entrusted with much. And I think that we forget that is that I don't care if you have a million dollars in the bank, if your marriage has fallen apart because you're not showing up. It doesn't matter. I don't care if you have the body of a Greek God, if you treat your employees like crap, right? I don't care about these things because we've got a skewed value system, especially in the American West, that we attach so much value to shiny stuff that we forget.

1:14:17Well, it's a mask. It's a mask. Yeah. We forget that the people that we love and respect the most are people kind of like our grandmothers. They say, I really don't care how you feel right now, kiddo. Stop doing that. Why are you doing that? will tell you how it is. And those are the people that we love, we admire, and we respect. But I'm discovering in my own life, Sean, because last year was a brutal year, a lot of difficulty. I'm discovering that the more that I create voluntary accountability in my life by saying, hey, I'm letting you know, I'm going to commit to this and I'm determined to do this.

1:15:00when I put my integrity on the line when it comes to another person, and science has shown this, you're like 80 to 90 % more likely to actually do it. Oh yeah, of course. Versus trying to do it for yourself and lying to yourself and getting in your own way. But that integrity piece you were just talking about, we tend to have integrity outwardly with other people. But if we don't cultivate that inwardly with ourselves and keeping our word to ourselves, I've been identifying over the last year different areas where I've not been faithful with the little things. So why would I believe that God's going to entrust me with more.

1:15:31If I can't be faithful to steward what he's already given me and to control what I can control, I can't expect to be entrusted with more. And you've seen an experience over the last three years, you started controlling what you could control and look at what's happened. Yeah. I mean, look, it's all about building that trust with yourself. Yeah. There's nothing worse than not being able to trust yourself. Yeah. Right. Like that, that, that's the thing. Like if you can't trust yourself, how could you demand trust from somebody else? Right. So, I mean, dude, this has been amazing. I mean, look, bro, like the value of you as a friend and the opportunity to sit down with you again and do this all over again.

1:16:14Like, I mean, it was better than the first one. And the first one I thought was like, dude, does it get any better than that? Like, you know, what I, what I, what I keep finding is that and tell Dan this all the time. And then even Ryan there is like, I think that was your best show. It happens so frequently now because we're in this flow state of not worrying about all this stuff over here, but like worried about this. And that's never been our problem. Um, but, but dude, I just appreciate you, man. Uh, and you know, So I wish you lived closer, but you've been instrumental in my life. And I hope that the dudes and the gals listening go find their, their people to where they can be open and have, and do those exercises that we did three years.

1:17:07Honestly, I forgot we did that. That was dude, that was two years ago. And so when you cast a vision for your life, and this is what I want people to really grab onto, when you have those moments, whether it's with a spouse or a friend, like this is the man or this is the woman I see myself as, no one understands what's actually happening in that moment. moment. Yeah. All right. Because if you see it and you can feel it, then you will achieve it, but you got to work too. Right. And you got to get out of your own way and you got to do it when you're tired. You got to do it when you're sad. You got to do it when you're depressed one day.

1:17:49Yeah. Right. But, but the, but the thing is, is like, it becomes the fabric of who you are and what you want to do. And then all of a sudden you just, yeah, it's there. Right. Like that was, that was dude, what you did for me today, like straight up, like when you read that to me out there and then went in more detail here, I felt this massive weight lifted off of my chest because it's like until someone points out the evidence, like bro, you said this three years ago, bro, this has all happened. Like, Oh, so everything that I'm manifesting now, visualizing now, oh, that's going to happen. It's going to happen.

1:18:39It's, but, but you know what? Yeah. Let it, yeah. Let it work for it, but don't stress over it. So do you, thank you so much for that. Well, Sean, it's an honor as always, man. And I, I hope you and everyone listening, um, and myself that we remember that go after success, but recognize that every single person defines that differently. If you don't take the time to define your values, what matters to you, what's important to you and create that aim, like we've talked about, I want everyone to hear me when I say this. It's great to have an aim in life. You have to have an aim in life, but recognize that that's just part of the potential you have that you need to lean into and to live out of.

1:19:28But if you're not aware of your capacity and the season that you're at in life, you will constantly feel behind. You'll constantly feel like I'm not good enough. You'll constantly feel like, and the Olympics are a great example is that when you listen to the best of the best of the best, and I know you've had this conversation with athletes, is that there's a time for watching tape. There's a time for studying competition. There's a time to put in the work and practice. But when the lights come on and the game is on, you have to let go and just say, I am just going to focus on what I can control in this moment, which most importantly is my mind.

1:20:09if I can control my mind and I can focus on the controllables and the fundamentals, and I can just step into existing in this moment and be fully present. I'm not worried about the game tomorrow. I'm not worried about the ESPYs. I'm not worried about the Superbowl. I'm not worried about this. I'm not worried about these. I'm just in this moment and I'm going to just step into flow state and execute and be present. You find you don't really have time for anxiety anymore. You don't really have time for shame anymore. It's like, I'm living here in this moment. And that I believe is what catalyzes us to the next level because again, dream and dream big, but don't get so fixated on that, that you forget that right now is where you're planted and you have the potential to become the oak tree.

1:20:57It's real. It's going to happen, but it's going to take time and seasons and growth. And the most effective way for us to become everything that God created us to be is to be faithful to steward what he's given us today. That's it. It's beautiful. One more thing before we wrap up. Do you remember the last dance that the whole Chicago Bulls thing? Did you ever watch that? I don't think I did. Okay. I need to. Yeah. You need to watch it, man. They chronicled, you know, the last championship, how they were, you know, openly going to rebuild and disassemble. This was the last year. It's like Phil Jackson, this year, last year.

1:21:38And so go watch it. There was, there was a, there was a moment where Michael Jordan was walking down the hallway. Right. If you've seen it, right, Dan? So you probably already know where I'm going with this. He goes, he's walking down and the reporters are all in his face. He's like, I love you guys, but can I just be present?

1:21:57Yeah. Kobe Bryant talked about presence all the time. There's something real about that. And the ability to be truly present means being grateful for the now. And I've done so terrible at that lately. And so thank you for reminding me about that. But dude, thank you again, man. Thank you so much. Let's go eat. Let's go eat. I'm starving. So guys, listen, thank you so much for tuning in. And I know this episode was a lot longer than it usually is, but that's good because it's my guy. And when you have such a great conversation and value to give like David does, you know what? Like I could literally probably talk to him for another three hours.

1:22:41So you're lucky it's not a four hour episode, but please share this episode with somebody, you know, love and trust. And again, and talk through it with them. If you're a dude out there and you're struggling and you feel like you're down in the freaking dirt and you're in the pit, well, one of your boys is right there with you. and you need to grab him and you need to have these hard conversations together. What do you want? What's the type of man you want to be? And where do you see yourself in two to three years? And you guys need to work with each other because if you don't, you won't truly understand each other.

1:23:11But most importantly, you will never understand yourself and you will never get to where your capacity is large enough to reach that potential. So again, guys, thank you so much for listening. And until next time, stay determined. Thank you.