How Nicole Jaques Helps Parents Replace Chaos With Connection

27:23So I started telling my husband, I need your brain to work like that. how can I help you help me? Right. Because I think commonly with the default parenting, we forget that it's not that you need their help. I, I hate that. Oh, I think any listener can understand. Oh, can you help me with the dishes? I'm sorry. Everyone ate off the dishes, Sean. Right. Yeah, exactly. Right. Everyone ate off their plates. Right. So instead of like, can you help with mornings? I moved it to a written morning flow, right? Written down, my heart was stellar, right? Or I shared my expectation. Hey, my expectation tomorrow to get on this podcast is X, X, and X, or predictable handoffs, right?

28:08So less nagging, less explaining, more consistency will drive that default parent out of burnout and into empowerment. The thing that I'm really loving, Nicole, is the way you've been able to not just explain, but implement real systems into the home. I think that everybody's listening right now and is probably very intrigued on types of systems, right? I know you talked about time blocking, but I want to dive into these systems because a lot of times when there's a stay at home mom, or like for me, I made a joke yesterday, right. To my, my kids and to my wife, well, I'm a stay at home dad because I'm, I'm literally, you know, there's, there's, there's weeks where I'll have five recordings.

28:58There's weeks where I'll have one. And so I'm home. Right. And the one thing that I don't do well is, is create these systems inside my home like I do here. Like we all have systems here. I have my thing. My production team has theirs. My partners have theirs. We have these systems in place. But I really want to educate the audience on how they can implement certain systems and some examples of those into their daily habits or daily lives. Absolutely, absolutely. And I will say that there's so much that is in the background of this as well. And I do try to break down easy tips and tricks on my social media, hacks to make dinner a little bit easier, or how to make your own cleaners so you can just offload the actual running to the store, grabbing something.

29:48Convenience is no longer king. The luxury is that you're able to make it low-tox in your home. So some of this is taking the power back of those systems as well. But I think the biggest thing we need to address, because it's something that we really don't always talk about, but it needs to be talked about is the mental load. It isn't invisible. It isn't invisible. It's undocumented. And if we start documenting, you made a list and made those lists become systems of everything you do in a month, okay, for your home. Those systems become shared, right? They're able to be talked about and shared amongst the family members.

30:30And then the shared becomes sustainable and successful. So I started thinking of, okay, well, I was really having trouble getting the kids out. I'm going to give examples and then I'm going to ask you for something you need help with and we'll bounce it on and off of each other, okay? So I was having a really difficult time getting my 8 and 10-year-old, which by the way, they can pack lunch at this point and they don't. it's a whole nother topic, getting them out the door on time. It was always kind of a struggle and or borderline. One was going to have an emotional meltdown. And I was like, dang it, like there's got to be a better way to find it.

31:05My system is in place and I'm implementing it and I'm coming into a roadblock, but I don't view roadblocks as failure. I don't have guilt over them. That's guilt is something somebody gives you that you can give back to that person. And it may come from childhood trauma. It may come from parenting, how you were parented and may come from spousal. Um, but give guilt. No one needs that in parenting. You don't need the guilt. Okay. No, thank you. It's, it's hard enough, um, without this chirping in your brain. So what I did is I bought these sticky lights, you know, they're like, you know, little light, you know, little light, you bop it on and off.

31:44And I put it on the wall, one for my son and one for my daughter and I made it into a game. They're eight and 10. This isn't like a toddler game, you know? And I turned on all the lights in the morning with everything they needed to do to get out the door at the right time. And all the lights are lit. They come in. They are the one who's going to turn off all the lights in order to get out the door on time. And by the way, it gives suggested time in which this task should be done. Wow. So here's the kid clock. And guess what? we have zero issue, zero tantrums, expectations are set. It's kind of a fun game.

32:22The siblings sometimes get competitive and it's great. And that's all it took was a simple fix of implementing another system for efficiencies. So that was something I recently just did. What's something you're currently struggling with or your wife is currently struggling with with the kids? Let's see if we can put a system in place to help. Great question. So this is something that I think we're both struggling with and I want to be able to help out with it more. Right. So I value, you know, my wife is a teacher. She has her own students to deal with. And then she handles the homework and most of the things with the kids.

33:01And then there's the laundry, right? So I would like to remove that completely from her plate. But at the same time, it's like, I'm super overwhelmed too. You know what I'm saying? Cause I have a lot going on, but I would like to create some, some times during the week where I could maybe just put a dent in that for her. Right. And, and, and not just put it in the washer and throw it in the dryer. Cause that's easy. Right. I, I love that. I hate folding and putting away, but I, I think the major sticking point for her is, man, I just went through this whole week, you know, stressful job, stressful with getting the kids to do their homework.

33:47And now I got to do all this damn laundry, you know? And, and if I could help out in any way, like, Hey man, that'd be great. You know, I do the dishes. I do, you know, the downstairs is all mine. Like I do all that and I make the bed and I do all that kind of stuff. My wife always laughs at me and she goes, that's your domain. Like you, you handle that and you don't do anything upstairs. I'm like, baby, that is not true. That is not true. But yeah, I would say finding a way to collaborate, to help her out with those tasks so she's more free and happier when she is home. Starting something new is straight up scary.

34:23I remember thinking, what if this fails? What if nobody listens? But taking that leap changed everything. and having Shopify on your side makes it a whole lot easier. Get started with your own design studio with hundreds of ready-to-use templates to build a beautiful online store that matches your brand's style. Get the word out like you have a marketing team behind you with easy email and social media campaigns wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling. Best yet, Shopify is your commerce expert with world-class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond.

34:59It's time to turn those what ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your$1 per month trial today at shopify.com slash TDS. Go to shopify.com slash TDS. That's shopify.com slash TDS. I love that. So laundry is not emotional. It's just clothes. Yeah. And I really like the mindset that people give. like, oh, how fortunate are you to be able to have these clothes to clothe your kids? And that, I love that. I love this. That to me though, makes it emotional. So for me, I made it really simple. I have one detergent. I make it myself. One oxygen boost, one stain stick, and one dryer ball. If you simplify the tools you're using to get cleaning done, naturally, it's going to be a simpler, easier process.

35:58So number one, I always start with simplify your products. That's critical to me. I'm a big basket lover. Every kid has their own basket. That basket just lives in the place they throw clothes. I watched them for a week on where they throw their clothes and that is where their baskets go because naturally we are creatures of habit. My husband loves to throw his socks right in front of the couch as if they should live there. Well, guess what now lives in front of the couch? A basket. Okay. Because to me, having somebody say simply just like dishes, for example, they bring the dish that you fed them on to the sink.

36:37It feels like respect, right? This is the same thing. It's a system. It's easy. Now it's in the basket. Now I know what I need to do. I run a weekly schedule. Mondays are towels and rags. You know, Tuesdays are lights. Wednesdays are dark. Thursdays are kid clothes. Fridays are sheets. Weekends are often it's an emergency only situation, but it doesn't always work for everybody. So really my biggest thing is to help you not have to catch up on laundry, right? That pile, if that pile could talk, I swear, I want to do a series on my clothes talking because most of the time they're going to say, Nicole, I've been sitting here for like, you know, two days.

37:17Like when do I, when's my turn to go back to the closet? Truth be told, you're going to figure out what works best for you, But I wake up and when I sip on my first cup of coffee, a load is going in the dryer. So if you look at the washer, most washers now have a timer that you can preset the night before. The clothes wash when I'm sleeping. Like Santa. Like Santa. You wake up and you're done. And then you put them in the dryer. And by the time I'm ready to take the kids to school, they're already ready to be folded. Mm-hmm. one load a day will save you for years. One load, that's it. Because that's your only task that day.

38:03Get that one load put away. And you know what? One load is really much easier than 14. Oh, no doubt. Right? No doubt. So I looked at how to never have the pile up. Where does, right? And then I simplified the system down all the way to the detergents I was using. And I think for me, Once you find the system that works for your home, that those emotional things go away and it just becomes the task at hand. Love it. Does that help? No, that's beautiful. Thank you. And it's so funny because we're having this conversation. It's just like the majority of the listeners are in our age group that do have children that this will be a high amount of value for.

38:45And as I'm listening, I'm like, wait a second. This is more about me just being more aware on a day to day. Like if I, I mean, really, that's all it is. It's like, okay, tomorrow I don't have any shows scheduled. I mean, can I do a load or two? Yeah, I absolutely could. Right. But if I don't schedule it, if I'm not aware of it, then I won't do it. And then it piles up and then it's left for my wife to do. You, this all is very interesting to me because we're all trying to do the best that we can in this busy ass lifestyle that we, that we have. And a lot of the things that you create, the systems and the checkpoints in your own home, give you the ability to calm the chaos in your day to day.

39:26But also it allows you to spend more quality time with your, with your family. And I, and I really want to dive into that because, you know, there's parents listening right now and even some kids that are listening is like, wow, we don't eat dinner together at the dinner table. We don't have breakfast together. Everybody's moving around. There's no connection. How have these things allowed you to connect with your husband and your children more? So basically what I always think is, and my, by the way, I did not mention having the kids be part of these systems, but they can be, right? Like my son empties a lint trap, right?

40:04Or my daughter's really good at folding socks. I got them a little Amazon board and it actually helps them fold their clothes. My daughter likes to fold her clothes, right? So it's always fixing the system to help you. And basically that can be a bonding, connecting time. It's a teaching moment. It helps them feel more independent, which kids naturally seek, sometimes in weird ways, if they're not given home CEO, house CEO tasks, right? There was a study that was done years ago that talked about the most successful children coming out of families right now are the ones that are put in the system to help the house run, not the ones that get excused from it.

40:45And I think it's always important to have someone have a job. And most of the time, I don't over dictate that. I ask, what part of this system do you want? I love that. Because it allows them as their kids, do you remember the fight between the red bottle and the pink bottle? And I want the pink bottle. I want the red bottle. I know. Right. Like I'm basically just treating it that way. Right. You give them two options. They get to choose. That's it. And they will choose the one that's appropriate for them. And then they feel empowered. They made the choice and or they're more committed to the task at hand.

41:21And really what it's done is open time where we have connection each day, whether it be at the dinner table or whether it be playing a game or whether it all be reading or whether it being all enjoying a TV show. Um, so I think a lot of it is just looking for how to make things less stress, less mess and more success for your family unit. Um, and stop feeling like you're burned out or it's unmanageable or something is endless. Just put a system in place that works and move on from it. Don't overthink it. No, it's a great point. Like, I think having the children take ownership of their part in the system is really massive because the power of choice in this world is everything.

42:08You can either feel like you had a vote or you can feel like you're being forced to do something. And if I know as an adult, 47-year-old man, if I feel like I'm being forced to do something or told to do something, I don't do it with very much intention at all. I'm like, well, to hell with this shit. I'm checking off the box here. I'm in and I'm out. But if I'm included in the decision-making process of, hey, what part of this would you like to take? It's much easier to digest and then really become fully immersed in. And the other thing that I really enjoyed there is the multiple ways to connect.

42:46Dinner table, I mentioned to you this last week when we were talking on the phone. There's nothing at the dinner table that can even border criticism or constructive criticism. It is, how was your day? What did you love best about your day? Who did you help today? What could you have done better? And that's it. Like, we don't interject on that, but I want them, my wife and I want our kids to start thinking about their day of what did I give? Who did I help? And what can I improve upon, right? And it opens up this dialogue, but then you go on to talk about maybe it is enjoying a TV show or maybe it is playing a game or reading, you know, and the more you speak and tell me about the things that you guys do, I start to realize like, wow, me and my wife are doing a pretty damn good job.

43:34Like we're, we're playing games at night. Like we played old maid last night with our six-year-old. Like love that, love that stuff. Right. But, but those are important moments. And, and I think that in this world was so much, you know, we've said the word chaos so many times. I'm going to say that and distraction from screens, like screens will bury our children. and I think the most dangerous thing is to replace parenting with a screen. I don't believe in that at all. And I think there's a lot of people out there doing it. You'll go to a restaurant and you'll see a table full of five people and all of them are looking at a screen.

44:13I'm like, what in the F are you even here for? You're not connecting. Might as well just eat cereal at home if you're not going to talk to each other. But I also think it's important to understand that there should be certain guardrails around these things. I want to shift into that part of the conversation of, man, when we were kids, screens were not raising us. We did not have these potential, you know, issues like predators on roadblocks, you know, you know, like these sextortion rings and in everything that's going on right now is so scary. You know, you and I both spoke about this initiative called wait until eighth grade.

44:57And it's where for the audience that doesn't, that's not aware of this, it is a pledge within your school that you will wait on a smartphone for your kid until they're in the eighth grade. And we signed that pledge and you told me you guys did too. Why do you think that's important? So I think that there's, there's a lot tied into it. Technology is something that we've had to adapt to, and it is light years ahead of our adaptation, right? All animals evolve and adapt. This is something that I'm unsure we may ever catch up to, right? It's so far ahead of us. So phones aren't the enemy, unbound accesses.

45:40Does that make sense? 1 ,000%. So, yeah. So I think, you know, we have similar to how we like run a day to where we build connection, which I really do implore anybody listening to create daily anchors, choose one to two anchors a day. It doesn't have to be every time you're with your kid. Okay. I'm going to give you something super tangible here and then relate it to the phone, but choose one to two anchors a day, morning send off, after school check-in or right before bedtime, short, consistent beats long and rare. Does that make sense? And I think these are just non-negotiables, even on the hard days, because we're human and we're parenting for the first time and living this life for the first time too, right?

46:25So hopefully that helps. So a lot of me for my house CEO rules is phone down, on TV off, multitasking paused, right? And I like that you ask your kids questions like that. I do that too. And I think that's like really important, right? Something as consistent as Sunday pancakes goes a long way. And the goal is not Pinterest. It's just belonging. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I think with the phones for me, I work in it. So I tell my husband, I have the ultimate it like pull that mommy works in it and sees the dark side. So no, but that's not going to work on a teenager. You know, it's almost barely working on my eight year old because she doesn't have sass for this neighborhood and yours.

47:13But I do think that I kind of have redefined phone free zones. And that's not all day. Like we pledged to wait till eight. Our kids do not have a phone. We've looked at giving them a 90s childhood for as long as we can, which means one TV in the entire house, not in the bedrooms. No tablets. We don't have those. When they use them in school, they have blue light glasses that they're able to put on so that they can protect their eyes and brains. And then in addition to all of that, we have a lockbox that my husband and I put our phones in from five to nine. We don't need them. We have a landline.

47:54We're living in the 90s. The 90s worked. It's fine. And the kids, we actually just are about to receive 10 can phones. Have you heard of these? No. They're Wi-Fi based, but you can only call your data log. So only your friend's 10 can phone to the other 10 can phone. There's no crossover. And so we're going to put that in our house and see how that goes. But non-negotiable zones for us are dinner table, bedtime routine, and morning send-off. Just no phones. right and those are connection anchors and i think that that that alone has helped us like the most eliminating charging stations for convenience for parents is a really good one put that charger where you have to really think about going and picking up that phone i like that right i like that um and you know for me i think i have to model it first so i say it out loud when I do it because I'm human and sometimes things, you know, come up.

48:56I'm putting my phone down now. I will say it out loud so my kids hear me say it. And I will look at them and say, you have my full attention. That is helping model it first so that they see that when they do get a phone at some point in their life, there's a respectful way to use your phone and a disrespectful way to use your phone. The phone is a tool. Okay. And it's important that we teach them how to use it appropriately because we can't, it's out of the box, right? Sean, Pandora's box. Now, all of this is out there, right? We're talking porn and, you know, we were worried about getting kidnapped in the front yard.

49:35I'm worried about a lot worse popping up on my kid's screen. Yeah. And that's the, yeah, yeah. And Nicole, that's the thing, right? You know, as adults and you and I both work in social media, we work on our phones 24 seven. So I see the dark sides, but I also see the beautiful side of, of social media. And, you know, it does take a certain individual to dive into the positive side of things. I use it for connection. Like I'm connected with Paria and now we're connected. Like I build, I build solid, like real relationships off social media to where a lot of times, you know, these, these friendships that I create out of thin air from a social media app, I can trust more than people in my own community that I've known for about 10 years.

50:22So there is a beautiful side about that, but we're also, you know, I'm in my forties and, you know, we can, we have better discernment, I guess. The thing that scares me about the current landscape with these phones and I, and I see eight-year-olds on TikTok all the time. Like I have friends that give their kids this smartphone and they're on TikTok. I'm like, you honestly do not understand what you are opening up for your child. Like right then and there, there's that pressure to be accepted. The comparison, am I pretty? Am I ugly? Am I fat? Am I skinny? All these different things that these children are going through right now that we don't have any idea what this current generation is going through because we grew up on tech mobile, riding bikes and, and shooting hoops in the, in the front yard and maybe playing tackle football with our buddies.

51:14You know, like, that's what I grew up on. And then I would go to baseball, but we didn't have everything we have here. So for, for us, in order to save that development of their brain and that discernment it's like, okay, we're not going to do this, but I will say, I will say it's becoming challenging in certain ways. So my, my oldest is in sixth grade. He's in middle school, but he's on middle school soccer. So he's in a bus, like, you know, he's doing X, Y, Z. Like, I want to be able to get ahold of my son, right? I want him to be able to get ahold of me. So we thought like, not smartphone because we signed the pledge.

51:52We're going to follow through with that. Right. And it's crazy. We're only a year and a half away from that. He's almost halfway done with his sixth grade year. I know it's sad. It's like soon my little man's going to be in high school and I'm not going to know what to do. But we've been thinking about like, is a bark phone safe? Like, are these other types of phones safe to where he can text us and call us if he needs to? So I'm going to say something and I'm going to, it may be a little controversial, but I, I do think that this is the right way to handle a phone. Cause I, it's Pandora's box.

52:29We're going to have to teach them how to use it correctly. Right. So screens are exciting. Brains need breaks. We protect our focus. Like we protect our sleep, right? Just simple things that are kind of part of your systems already. And your kids are going to hear that because you're going to frame it as brain care, not control. Okay. And I think if we talk about why an age appropriate, to be honest, I'm not really sure that it's appropriate for me a lot of the time. And I'm 38 and I've, you know, we did all the things. Yeah, I don't really need to be watching this. Yeah, exactly. I'm just saying, you know, there are times I'm like, oh my gosh, there.

53:11Yes, I use social media to connect and make friends and go on vacation with them. And I trust them. Yes, almost more than sometimes people in my community. But I will tell you that there are some days I'm in my bathroom crying over someone I've never met who won't be at my funeral or my daughter's wedding or any of that over something she said. And I've had to put in production for myself. Right. There are things men write to me that should never be heard. That's really sad. I see it. Right. I see it. I live it. I hear it. So I think a lot of it is you're going to replace the phone. Don't just remove it.

53:47Right. Right. So connection fills the gaps, phone leaves, which is something you are great at, Sean. We've talked about this. Family walks, games, cooking together, reading out loud. Right. Empty space invites scrolling. And that is how I feel. When my husband's on the couch and scrolling, I'm like, oh, is there a space I could fill or help you fill right now? And if he's like, no, I just need 10 minutes, whatever it is. Right. But I want to make sure that that filled space invites connection rather than just leaves it plain and empty and dry. um you will scroll they will scroll right and i think so much of it is to repair when it slips and not add so if you go back to the things that really matter in our generation no shame would have gone real far than parenting right um it would have saved me a lot of therapy bills probably uh you know but repairing teaches resilience do you know what i mean not and i think you know you can say like, oh, I missed that moment.

54:47I'm here now. He, when he gets his smartphone, will do the same things you do, right? It's inherent that sons look up to their dads. You're a hero in a lot of ways. And he's going to mimic that before he even starts doing it. So I think so much is we don't compete with phones in any home, right? But you're going to design a life so that connection comes first. And they're going to see that connection first, all these other things. And when I do slip, I know how to repair. Does that help? Because the phone's inevitable, right? The smartphone's inevitable at some point. Yeah. And kind of what my wife and I do, if we're in a blockout session, right?

55:31Or section of the day, I mean, typically it is when I'm making dinner, I'm not on my phone. when we're sitting down. I'm not on my phone when we're eating, obviously. And then before they go to bed, we try not to be on our phones. If something does happen, we own up to it. Hey, I'm really sorry. I need to take this. Are you guys okay with that? Or, hey, sorry guys, I really had to take that. I know it's during this time. are you guys good? And if it upsets one of them, I'm like, well, do you forgive me? Here's why I took that call. It was kind of important, not more important than you, but also, you know, daddy has a job, mama has a job and we have to make sure that these things are done.

56:20And I just think that owning up and communicating, if you have to do something and you do apologize about it, that goes a long way with kids. Yes, it does. And it teaches them to do the same, which is more important, right? Yeah. We talk about like legacies we leave. Well, that would be a big one, right? Phones don't steal connection. You know, we're really good at blaming something but ourselves. Yeah. Right. So you, and you don't need perfection either. I'm not preaching perfection. I am anti-perfection if anything. But phones don't steal connection, and lack of boundary does. Yeah, that's a great point.

57:00That's such a great point, Nicole, because we all talk about how social media is destroying America or youth and how phones are taking away from the family. But really what it is, it's decisions and the choices that we're making surrounding that device that it's not going to make us do it. The phone doesn't have a heartbeat. It can't tell me what to do. It can't tell me to look at it every five seconds. Starting something new is straight up scary. I remember thinking, what if this fails? What if nobody listens? But taking that leap changed everything and having Shopify on your side makes it a whole lot easier.

57:38Get started with your own design studio with hundreds of ready to use templates to build a beautiful online store that matches your brand style. Get the word out like you have a marketing team behind you with easy email and social media campaigns wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling. Best yet, Shopify is your commerce expert with world-class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond. It's time to turn those what-ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your$1 per month trial today at shopify.com slash TDS. Go to shopify.com slash TDS.

58:19That's shopify.com slash TDS.

58:26I make that choice. And so if we work backwards there and say like, okay, this can only steal from us if we allow it. Right? So again, boundaries are such an important thing when we're speaking about phones, when we're speaking about running the household, but just overall relationships too, interpersonal relationships. There has to be boundaries there. Yes. And that's something I think our generation has had to learn how to manage, to be frank. So now we're dealing with it in a technology age as well. And there is something to be said for understanding healthy boundaries and inserting them with love and respect.

59:05But it's the same here. And simple things just to implement right away, if you're struggling with this at home, is a family phone agreement, a little one pager, kids friendly screen schedule. So they kind of it and understand how to utilize it. That's giving them a system, a one minute, you know, phone connection spiel on the way home from school or a partner alignment agreement. Sometimes you guys, you know, both agreeing on how to script it to your kids about phones and then hearing it from mom and dad or dad and dad or mom, hearing it from a set of, you know, parental figures is very impactful for a kid.

59:46So if you guys are saying the same words about it, they're hearing it from all sides and it becomes core. And I think it doesn't have to be this whole system and 20 minutes of this or an hour of that, or I have to overthink this. It's real simple, simplistic, and it just takes implementing it today in five minutes. You don't have to wait till Monday or Sunday or a new month or a new year. It's very simple to say, I'm struggling with this and I need to fix this feeling inside doesn't feel good. Let's put a system in place and make it happen. You know, I like that, right? Because everybody, you know, the whole cliche or the saying is Rome wasn't built in a day.

1:00:23But anytime we try to start something new, whether it's going low talks in the home, right? Building systems, a nutrition journey, a weightlifting journey. We all like to feel like we have to go from zero to a thousand right away. And I think what it really is, is like, we have to make small steps forward every single day. And in fact, you know, as we kind of, you know, run down on time here and closing out the show, it's like, what I always try to bring people is, you know, when I started this platform of the determined society, it was, you know, me wanting to wake up in a society that people chase their dreams, no matter how they feel emotionally at that time.

1:01:02And one of the ways to do that is to remove the emotion and look at the system. What is my process? What is my standard that I set? And that's what I go do. I'm going to do one thing, right? So if I leave here today saying, you know what, tomorrow when I'm sitting down and I don't have a recording, maybe I will do a lot. I'll do a load of laundry. Okay. And I'm going to put it in, in the morning. And by the time I'm done with my breakfast, it's dry. And then I can fold and put it away. But if I don't do that, then I'm just creating a whole different mess. And to me, that's not determination, nor is it discipline.

1:01:36It's like, we have to follow through what we say we're going to, what we're going to freaking do, period, end of story. And that's what I really love about everything that you're speaking about, because you're putting systems and guardrails in place. You have amazing guides for, I mean, guys, listen, what's the website? Is it, it's Nicole Jackass, is that what it is? Dot com? Yeah. It's Nicole Jack has.com. I want you guys, and we'll put it in the show notes. I need you guys to go look at this because there's systems everywhere in there. There's stocking stuff for ideas. There's low talks, cleaner ideas.

1:02:10There's, there's all these different things that she has built in order for you to create something amazing for your home, but also leave enough time to connect with your family. And that took a lot of discipline from you and a lot of, holding to your standard. So like, that's what I want everybody to really take from this is like whatever system you put together and whatever you decide to do, create it and stick to it. Yeah, absolutely. Cause you know, it's showing up again when like no one's clapping or it's building in system instead of burning out. Um, it's protecting your values on ordinary days, not just the hard ones.

1:02:53And I think, you know, determination and leadership in the small moments of life, the choice to simplify, to repair and to try again are really what matter, essentially. So, you know, it's not, it isn't loud grit all the time or endless hustle, like I was told. And, you know, it's kind of like the quiet decision to keep choosing what matters. and that is kind of at the core of what I try to do and teach and share because essentially I do this same as you is for the connection and to help somebody else your definition of determination is absolutely beautiful oh thank you absolutely beautiful and not because it's the same as mine I mean it truly is the same as mine but because if you really dive into it and you just realize that there's going to be days.

1:03:45And for the people listening, the audience, like there's going to be days where you don't even feel like getting dressed, but those days where you don't feel like getting dressed, just get dressed because that's a win. And for some moms and some dads taking a shower that day might feel like the most daunting task. Take the shower. You've won. You literally the things that, and this is, this is why I like to point this out because when you can take control of the small things like that, be like, I emotionally don't want to do this right now. It's hard. There's a lot of people right now that are listening.

1:04:22Like how was taking a shower hard because you don't walk a mile in everybody's shoes every day. That's really an actual thing for moms when they have babies and, you know, sometimes, uh, showers turn into like this elaborate thing to where they can't even do it. And so I'm not talking about just do it for them. I'm talking about everyday life. Just pick the task that you don't really want to do and just, just do it because true determination and discipline is doing those things. It is never loud. It is never gritty. It doesn't boast. And it sure as shit doesn't show up when there's motivation there.

1:05:00It shows up all the time. And that is the most common misconception of determination. And it's what I thought early on in my journey, Nicole was, I'm going to work out seven days a week. I'm going to do it twice a day. And I'm going to tell everybody I'm determined. This is what I do. And it's like ridiculous because that's not what true determination is. No. And I think, you know, I always, I want to leave everyone with this because I think they're like, oh, well, Nicole has all these systems and they work so well and like good for her high five. I, there's failure every day in what I do. Um, you'll find that I show up on my stories with my hair in a mess and I have my shirt on backwards.

1:05:41Like not every day I show up looking like this. I mean, I walked into the room yesterday and I couldn't remember why I was in the room. You know, like that's real. And I think so much of this is it's relatable, but it's also very doable because I am human, you know, and I want it to feel that way. So kind of the way I started this was choose three things and just get those three things done in the day. Take a shower, do the dishes, you know, put something in a crock pot, but they could also be take a 20 minute nap, do yoga, have lunch with a friend. Yeah. But three things, if you can wake up every day and just choose three things to do that are not work outside the home related, okay?

1:06:32That's all you need. I love it. Just start there. I love it. I want the audience to, I forgot to say something about your website. And then I want you to, after that, I want you to tell everybody else where they can find you and how else they can dive into your content and how they can learn more from you, your books, et cetera. But I encourage you guys, when you go to our website, it's NicoleJackass.com. Sign up for a newsletter. I did. I mean, why not? Right? Like literally, if you want to find better ways to run your home and connect more with your, your spouse and your children, I mean, what do you have to lose?

1:07:09You can always unsubscribe later if you don't like it. I mean, she's not going to, you know, be tormented by that, but you probably won't unsubscribe. So, um, I just wanted to, you know, throw that out there because I think, you know it's a great way to learn about what you're doing and how you implement things is through your newsletter as well where else can people find you like your instagram handle and in other ways that they can learn from you so essentially the blog is great because it's just small tips and tricks it's not so overwhelming i live a low-tox lifestyle for a health condition which I talk about on the blog.

1:07:50Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I have a scene of fillet esophagitis. And so I actually choked. And so that whole journey is there too. And low toxin was very similar to house being becoming the house CEO. So that actually there was a piggyback and benefit off of that. And I have an ebook, but the ebook actually is now becoming a published book, which is more dialed in and really has been a full turning moment and that should launch in 2027. So keep your eye out. I know it's kind of far away, but when it'll be here tomorrow, you know, I know the deal. Yeah. I'll go through the same thing myself. It's like, yeah, it's fun.

1:08:29They're fun. And the newsletter is great because I send out really mindful tips. I like it to kind of be like you and I are texting to each other and I'm sharing like my personal journal with you. And usually people take away things that maybe they haven't heard. Like instead of gift guides right now, I'm talking about like how to hold on and make core memories. Um, and take the pressure off of perfection. I'm like giving you permission. And here are three things I'm, I'm doing that have helped me. Um, and then my handle I'm on all platforms anywhere from, you know, YouTube shorts. My main handle that you'll see me on every day is on Instagram.

1:09:07Um, and it's at it's Nicole. And then the last name is J-A-Q-U-E-S. It's kind of unique. And then you on TikTok as well. But my primary connection is Instagram and the blog and the newsletter. Those are my people. And I have to say that it is a community that's real rare on social media. Very kind, loving, giving, and real light lighters, which really, really makes me stay. Agreed. Agreed. One more thing I want to acknowledge real quick before I let you go is and give the audience their little call to action to share this with everybody they know is I had a great grandmother named Ruth and your grandmother was named Ruth.

1:09:57And growing up, every Labor Day, we would go to my great grandparents for family reunions right around Labor Day. And there was all this food, right? And it was this love language that when I read your about me section, like, damn, I can relate to this. This is so, it brought, I started seeing visions of going to Clear Lake, California and being there with my great grandparents and my cousins and my uncle and everything. like everything, playing croquet, badminton, listening to Randy Travis on the gray boom box, cassette tape, like that's how long ago that was. But just know that by you sharing something small like that, it allowed me to go back and honor some core memories.

1:10:43So thank you. Oh, that is, that's why I do it, right? That's the best gift. And it's the connection you talk about and it's a connection we're all seeking, whether it be with another human or in our homes and with just a more, you know, simplistic, happy life. But yeah, Ruth, Ruth is a driving factor in a lot of things in my life. Um, along with Pam, my mom, but I, man, the grandma Ruth that, that got me, you know, how you get those goosebumps. I call them glimmer, like little glimmer feelings inside that gave me one. So thank you. I needed that. Absolutely. Absolutely. I just, I noticed it and it was, it was important to me to, to mention it to you.

1:11:27So thank you so much for coming on. I had, I enjoyed this conversation and I know this is the beginning of a, of a great friendship and, you know, anything I can help you with in, in, in your book launch, like I'm in, like I, I I'm, I'm all in because I I want your materials to be in the hands of a lot of different homes. So as more homes run more efficiently and have more time to connect and just enjoy the human experience a lot more. Absolutely. Well, it's been an honor to be here and I agree so much to learn and so much connection, so many simple points that are, you know, identical in a lot of ways, but different.

1:12:06And I think that that's exactly why people are brought together, right? So when you feel me, make that connection and keep it, keep going. But I appreciate you having me on, Sean. This has been awesome. Great way to start my Tuesday. Yeah, girl. All love here, my friend. And for the audience, please do me a favor. Share this episode with someone you know, love and trust. If this is your first time listening to the show, please hit subscribe and follow and dive into the content. And more than anything, if you like the show, please leave us a written review on Apple and a rating on Spotify and show up on YouTube as well.

1:12:40And just let us know what you love about the platform. We bring great stories and great systems to your ears and your homes by way of amazing guests like Nicole twice a week. So I thank you guys very much for listening. And until next time, stay determined.