Kelly Bensimon: From Controversial Reality TV Star to Real-Life Powerhouse

0:00When it comes to what your family eats and drinks, you know your choices matter. You're the expert because you know what fits your life. And getting it right starts with good information. That's why America's beverage companies are sharing more information about our ingredients at goodtoknowfacts.org. No spin, no judgments, just the facts straight from the experts for more than 140 beverage ingredients. Visit goodtoknowfacts.org. I don't think you can make it. You don't have what it takes. the keyboard warriors and the armchair quarterbacks, they make fun of people like me. Even today, 15 years later, after being on Housewives, people are constantly telling me how ugly I am, how stupid I am, how awful I am, how what a terrible person I am, how self-centered I am.

0:51You met me. Wow. You know, I went on Housewives because I I recently got divorced. I was very young and I had to raise two children. And when you're a financial provider, you're not like, I'm just going to like sit home and just provide and wait for someone to provide. I didn't have that luxury.

1:17There are two types of people in this world, Kelly. In your opinion, what are they? Sharks and bottom feeders. or sharks and minnows. Now give me the explanation here because I think there's a good explanation behind this. So minnows can become sharks. I mean, not in the obvious world, but in the business world, a minnow can learn all the tricks of the trade and become a shark. But there are problems. Sometimes minnows, there's problems because there are a lot of them. And they're trying so hard. And the sharks are just the ones that rise to the top and just take over the universe. I completely resonate with this, right?

2:07Because the reason why this question is so impactful is because we all start in this specific instance, we all start as a minnow. And we can grow and grow and expand. And so as you're giving that explanation, I'm going through my own journey. I'm like, ooh, I really like that breakdown. I mean, we have to understand that minnows are not going to be sharks. Like, let's just make that. Yeah, especially in today's landscape. We got to make sure that everybody knows that a minnow can't turn into a shark. Right. Just about to make sure that's clear. But for the sake of my metaphor. Before the sleuths come out.

2:41Oh, is that how you explain everything? Okay. Yeah, so now you do. Minnows cannot be sharks. Correct. But for the sake of my metaphor, I'm up here. and you're down there. I just want to clarify, this is for entertainment purposes only. But I think that one of the most important things about minnows and sharks is that there are a lot, like we said before, there are a ton of minnows and there are very few sharks. And you can become a shark, 100%. You just have to get out of the minnow mindset. So you can be one of many or you can be one of one. that's not my choice. That's your choice. I love the one of one because everybody, as they're a minnow, thinks they have to be like somebody else.

3:31And I was guilty of that. I thought I had to be somebody else or talk a certain way or give a certain energy or opinion based on what was working for somebody else. And as this thing kind of went on, I saw this massive roadblock and And I'm like, what is it? And then for me, it was just about settling into myself and executing the gifts that I had. And I think that's a great point as people ascend to the next level in a different stage. Wait, Sean, that is really, really astute. Tell me, can you give me an example of a situation? Yeah, for sure. So when I started, it started as a Facebook group.

4:13And when I started, it is when I did 75 hard. I don't know if you know who Andy Frisella is, but he's the CEO of First Form International, the biggest online supplement company. And he's viral. He has a lot of controversial things. So I thought I had to be that hustle culture that he was and speak loudly and energetically and in your face. And there's an aspect of me that can pull that off, but it's not my core beingness. and so at the very beginning it was like I was a parrot I was just echoing right of what maybe how he would say it or what he felt was important and after a while when I started to settle in I realized like yo this isn't me this isn't hitting the right way so when I got myself right and started double down on what my actual strengths were then that's when I started to really experience and some exponential growth.

5:11And I just think it's also, everybody talks about focusing on your weaknesses. I think there's some danger in that, right? So what I decided to do is like, I'm gonna take what I'm really good at. I'm gonna get it as good as humanly possible. And then I continue on that trend to really get better at what I do best. And that's all I can handle. That's all I can do. That's all I can control. I love that. And I think that you're super correct about people focusing on weakness. For some reason, we are in a laser-focused weakness culture. And I have always, I was raised in the Midwest, corn-fed and raised by a father who came from nothing.

5:56Education was paramount. And he would always tell us to be laser-focused on what we were good at or we are good at. And I raised my kids with that. as a single parent, there's only one voice. It was my, it's my voice. And so I just was speaking to my youngest daughter today and I said, you know, however you want to present yourself is how you want to present yourself. Do you want to present yourself as a leader? Do you want to present yourself as a solution-based person? Do you want to present yourself as, you know, someone who has innovative ideas? Do you want to present yourself as a game changer?

6:33Do you want to present yourself as the listener who can help move the needle? But these are all like positive, focused mindset, totally different than like, I don't think you should focus on your weaknesses because that's not going to move the needle. People aren't like, wow, you really, really aren't good at baseball. Let's make you play baseball. like you're really good at football but let's make you play baseball it's not how it works you you know kelly you you make a great point right you're talking about laser focus right and being in a laser focused society that that we're in because there's so much going on you've done so many things and you've been effective and brilliant at all of them you were on season two through hey season two through four of real housewives of new york Like you are a model.

7:29You have transitioned to being an ambassador and influencer for wellness products and companies of such. And you're a badass realtor that has also been featured on selling New York a couple different times. So there's a lot going, oh, and all your hobbies and being a mom, right? Let's be honest. There's been things that have gone on in your life over the last five, 10 years that could have derailed anybody that didn't have that focus. So what I really want to do right now is paint the picture for the audience that, you know, maybe some strategies on staying focused so that you can be so damn dynamic.

8:07I mean, I think like the operative word is derailed. You know, whatever has happened in my personal professional life, I wasn't raised with the option of getting derailed. Like I've always said, like, I wasn't, I've never been, I was never raised that it's okay to not work hard, work smart, try to do better, be kinder, be more proactive. I just wasn't raised like that. I wasn't raised to talk about how bad life was or the situations that were happening. I was raised to find the solutions, not only for myself, but to help my friends and people who I trust, help them with solutions so we can work together.

8:52I believe in a team. No one person does envy anyone that says that it's just one person on an island. That's not true. You're always have different people around you just choose to bring them along or not. So I think that being derailed is something that has was just never in my vernacular, just never something that I was, I was, I didn't have the luxury of being able to have that or be like that or think like that. I love that. You know, because what we're talking about is mental toughness and, and grit and an amazing and unshakable mindset, right? And we all have shit that goes down in our lives.

9:36Like we all do. Like we can have moments of being derailed. And I think at some point, you know, everybody has this moment like, okay, I got to take a step back and I got to evaluate this and maybe find a pivot. But what we cannot do is give up from the mission. I just think there's too many people right now that are giving up on what they want because of somebody else's voice saying that they can't do something. I had this conversation yesterday with Kathy Ireland. It was just, she was saying that, you know, like there's people that are always going to tell you, you can't do something. Are we going to do listen?

10:10how many people made fun of me for doing this? I mean, are there any more douchey things than quitting an amazing sales career in the medical business to start a podcast? I don't know. I don't know. They make fun of people like me. First of all, it's amazing. Congratulations. And that takes a lot of confidence to make a big decision like that. So, I mean, that's awesome. I think that, you know, even today, 15 years later, after being on Housewives, people are constantly telling me how ugly I am, how stupid I am, how awful I am, how what a terrible person I am, how self -centered I am. Have you met me?

10:52Wow. I've been on the, I've been on all the things that I have not. I really, I know multiple. It's so funny because I never judge anything based on what I see on reality TV. I know I have plenty of friends that were in reality shows that were produced to look like an absolute villain. And they're the kindest, most loyal individuals I've ever been friends with. But it's so funny because when you look at all that, when you look at the exposure, because listen, let's be honest. There's people in this world that will have one person tell them one thing. Like, I don't think you can make it or you don't have what it takes.

11:32It could be a boss, but you literally have the keyboard warriors and the armchair quarterbacks telling you things about you that aren't true. And after, you know, 10 minutes of this conversation, I can already tell you that, you know, Nick D is correct. And everybody who knows you, that is just, you're an amazing person and you're, you're not, they don't know who the hell you are. No, they don't. Um, but that's okay because that was a part of my life that was really fun. And, you know, I went on housewives because I'd recently got divorced and I was very young and I had to raise two children. And when you're a financial provider, you don't just, you're not like, I'm just going to like sit home and just provide and wait for someone to provide while I'm waiting to provide just doesn't work like that.

12:29And I mean, I would love to be able to, again, like I would love to have been able to like sit, regroup, figure out what I was going to do. I didn't have that luxury. So I had to shift gears immediately. And I was offered an opportunity to be on Housewives. I was for an opportunity to do something else, another show. And then the executive producer was like, we need to legitimize this brand. We'd love to have you on. And I was like, why not? Yeah. And normally, because I'm a writer, I'm always checking things out. I don't dive deep and find out people's deepest, darkest secrets. But I do like to have an overall understanding of who they are, just out of respect.

13:14Like, hey, I saw you did this, or I know you did that. And I didn't do that when I was on Housewives because I was like, this is supposed to be reality and I want people to see the real me. And I thought people were going to like, be like, oh my God, I can be like her too. I can come from Rockford, Illinois and model and work hard and, you know, try to like make hay while the sun shines and, you know, explore and celebrate all these incredible people. but no they were like that's what you do i'm like yes that's what i do they're like oh my god how awful can't believe you like are curious and want to do things to help other people that's awful yeah it's amazing to me how people can be perceived right by being on by watching a tv show that is spoiler alert guys for entertainment purposes right and i think too that they didn't like the fact that i was a single parent the fans were not ready for that i mean i know that everyone i i know that they weren't ready for 2009 they weren't ready for a woman like me to be single and to be working hard just didn't it didn't make sense they're like why is she working hard why doesn't she just marry someone rich i'm like well why don't i i come from the midwest i come from a core strong value system why wouldn't i want to do well why wouldn't i want to be revered for the things that i do well and have a man around me and say oh my god that's so great no they were like that's not how it works just get married well they're for they're forgetting that one size doesn't fit all and i want to ask you because there was an opportunity for me to comment on something in us weekly about this type of subject and um you know i think there's a double standard here i think it's a double standard and i want to hear your thought on that because do you feel that if it were, you know, the real, you know, house, you know, men of New York, would anybody give pushback on the man being single and being driven and successful and wanting to do it on their own?

15:46There's a double standard here. No, they would be like, he's a baller. Look at him. He's killing it. He's the Tom Brady of housewives he's the goat but i'm like they're like oh my god something must be wrong with her something really must be wrong with her that she's educated and works hard looks like she does raising two kids by herself and by the way like this whole idea of like marrying a billionaire like if i were a billionaire the last thing i'd want is some person who is like feeling thinking their like the shit like i want to be with someone who's an amazing human like i don't need to be with someone who's just like arm candy like that's not going to move the needle that's not going to like you know at the end of the day when the lights go down sean like you know you need someone that's you can talk to and that you can yeah that has empathy and that is curious and that has genuine and baseline kindness.

16:51Very well said. I mean, that's what everybody's shooting for. That's the real measuring stick of a relationship. Well, I hope so. I mean, you would think, right? I hope so. Yeah, so let me ask you a question. So when all this stuff started coming out and seeing how Joe Public or the viewers had their opinions of you, how did that impact you mentally? because I would have to, I would have to think the first time, right. The first time that anything came out, there's this massive, you know, kick in the stomach. I want to tell a quick story. This is why I asked. So I was on, here's Morgan. Uh, I, I think it was in February or March and it was the first time I was on his show and I got torched on X and YouTube that I was a covert feminist because you know i was happy that my wife was happy in her career in teaching and you know i got completely blasted i got called a simp i got called a bunch of different things you know basically like gosh like your wife should be home raising the kids and you should be out doing this i'm like wait hold on what year is it and why is it now that i actually support my partner in doing this.

18:05Yeah. And in that moment I called, I called Val, I said, what do I do about this? I'm getting torched. And she goes, welcome to fame. You just, you just deal with it. And I'm like, so I don't respond. I don't, she goes, no, don't do that. It's, but for me, like that was my first time. I remember I was at a high school, um i think a lacrosse game with my wife and my kids and i was just i was i mean i was sweating already because it's florida but this internal heat i'm like oh my gosh they hate me they hate me yeah oh sean i'm sorry i'm sorry you know it's interesting because when i was on housewives um i had this amazing publicist i was working in the fashion business so i obviously knew like the right tool for the right job but when i was going on television i wanted to have a great publicist that could really help move the needle.

18:58Didn't know what was going to go on, but I knew that you have to have a team, always have to have a great team with you. So I hired this amazing publicist and they said, don't say anything. You're going to be on the cover of Playboy. You're not going to say anything because you are going to be doing all these different things. And I'm like, this is not the show. You're letting all these people, these other people have this narrative and I'm not able to actually say anything. so finally i like when i when i left the show i just was like i let everybody there they're on the talk shows they're on the all these they're on their instagrams i'm like silent then i'm like you know what i'm going to go to this beautiful charity event and i'm going to celebrate the charity and i'll talk about it there and so and everyone's like why did you wait here and i'm like because I'm at a charity event.

19:51Let's talk about how great this charity is. And then we can talk about why I'm going to be moving on from Housewives. And everyone was like, what? Here. You did it here. No, no, no, no. I got this. I think it's better to celebrate, you know, the misfortune and to be able to talk about what I'm doing and celebrate them and package that than just to be randomly talking about myself, which was the total opposite of who they thought I was. They just didn't know. They just didn't know. But I'm sorry you got torched, but I'm glad you spoke up. Hey, you know, it is what it is, right? And it was one of those things that I hadn't been yet.

20:38And it was my first taste. And now it was a really good crash course, I'm going to tell you right now, because now when things happen, I just go far from the course. Like I'm not everybody's flavor of ice cream. I'm never going to be, you know, I, uh, I, it's so funny because we deal with these things as creators, right? A lot of times we're measured by, you know, for me, how many show listens a month, what are my rankings and my ratings and everything. And I looked at my wife the other day, I'm like on Apple, I dropped from five stars to 4.9. Look at all these one stars and there's no explanation.

21:11I go, this is crazy. And she goes, that comes with more listens, Sean, that's going to happen. Like you are not going to be for everybody. And that's also very good because if there can start to be some discourse about you and things like that, and you're going to catch hate, you just got to be ready for it. And I'm starting to feel it. Like I really, really am. And I'm prepared finally, but you know, But the haters are part of the equation too. You can't have lovers without haters. Right. So, and the haters are the ones that are going to fuel you to be better. Because they're going to say, hey, Sean, here's a pop-up of something that I didn't like.

21:53And then that's an opportunity for you to say, hey, you didn't like this? Let's explore that. Like, how would you have known about that before? So I don't, I never saw it like that. Maybe because like, again, because I'm a writer, like I'm always looking at the whole story. Right. And so I was always like, oh my God, they got something there. There must be something in there. Let's see what they want. And then they were like, wait a minute, you're asking us questions? Like you're asking me what you can do better? That's what we're supposed to be doing here. I'm like, no, no, no, no. That's what this is all about.

22:28This is real life. This is real conversation. You're helping me grow. I know you don't want to. I know you want me to like, you know, be ugly and old in the corner, but we're going to grow together, whether you like it or not. You know, it's funny when I always get these criticisms, you know, in a comment or something like that. There was one recently, the girl had a great point. She goes, I really love this clip. This is all very true, but there's a lot of F-bombs in it. And there's not a whole lot on my show like that any longer. The guest was going there and I don't censor anybody. and I just said to her, I was like, I remember her name.

23:03Her name was Angela. I said, Angela, thank you so much for your comment. I completely understand where you're coming from and I do not disagree. I'll do my best to get better with that. I want you to be able to share this. And it's disarming because, because you know what? There's, there's multiple things that, that have gone on. Someone on my show commented, said, this guy says like too much. I just, I love his content. But if I hear the word like again, I said, you know what? Thank you for that. I didn't notice it. But now that I do, I will work intensely on removing those. And I think I've done a good job with it.

23:40Sean, people say that to me as well. They would say, if you're so smart, why do you always say like? Well, we say like because we're giving ourselves a mental pause to think. Yep. Instead of just having the space or the air, we're using a word. So there's nothing wrong with that. You can use the like all the time. Doesn't make you less smart. Doesn't make you less mindful. Doesn't make you less talented. It just means that you are being respectful of other people and putting in a word so that they don't feel an awkward silence. i i don't disagree with all the answers you do gosh i need you next to me all the time i'm like hey kelly what do i say i'm gonna say shot you're so great my hype girl let's go let's go no i appreciate it you uh last week let's let's let's talk about some more crazy things that you're doing last week you had modeling show you were you were jamming you were jet set and like You have a very busy life.

24:46Walk us through the modeling and everything that's going on with you right now. So I do a lot. I used to say I wear many hats, but I thought, I think that's so tacky. It's like, I wear many hats. Well, it's cliche, but it's, yeah, you do a lot of stuff. You're moving. I'm a curious person. Yeah. But I'm also a prepared person. so when someone says to me hey i have a brand what are your thoughts on our brand i'm not just like throwing spaghetti at the wall and spewing out nonsense i think to myself that's such a great brand like there's so many things that resonate and what are those things and i think that's one reason why i'm a good ambassador for a lot of these wellness companies is because i'm very, very real.

25:40I may not be showing you my blood, but I'm very real about my experiences. And I think that's one reason why I resonate so well. And I'm just honest. You know, a lot of people just, they have this narrative and I don't have a narrative. My, I'm ever changing. I'm constantly in a state of learning and I always want to be better and I don't want to be stuck with like my narrative is x my narrative is y because I want to be able to evolve and I want to be able to grow and again all of that authenticity that genuine real not bullshit housewives authenticity but that real core authenticity just resonates with people so um i've been able to do all these different things talk about my psoriasis in a in a in an on social media where something that i never wanted to talk about i was always hiding it when i was on the cover of playboy i my ex-husband was my photographer because i didn't want anyone else to see my psoriasis and as much as i love and hate him he's mine to love and hate and i knew that he wouldn't exploit something that was that would make me feel really really bad about myself so it became a celebration of a of being 40 and not a cover-up of right having psoriasis so i've just had a lot of i've had a lot of unusual experiences and i just for me social media has been a game changer because whether I'm showing the most luxurious apartments in the world or whether I'm talking about something that's very heartfelt, I'm able to communicate in a way that resonates.

27:40And it's been really powerful. I mean, even on my, I have a podcast and I heart radio with I do part two and talking honestly about dating in your 50s and that next chapter and what that looks like has been I've had such a really warm welcome because I'm real I'm not trying to give you tricks not trying to like show you how great I am I'm just talking honestly about what's happening and how it's happening and it's been it's been great it's been great And we're going to take a quick break to hear from our Powered By sponsor. We're proud to announce a partnership between White Sands Treatment Centers and the Determined Society.

28:24With multiple locations across Florida, White Sands provides luxury, top-rated addiction treatment. From medical detox and inpatient care to outpatient support and long-term aftercare. Their resort-style campuses, expert clinicians, and holistic programs create real, lasting recovery. Together, we're committed to bringing hope, resources, and healing to those who need it most. White Sands Treatment Centers. I love that because you brought up this word, like actual genuine authenticity. Everybody talks about it. I'm very open as well. And I can only be me. And I would venture to say, you could only be you.

29:06And for me, it just happens to be a very real conversation. I'm always open with what I'm going through, whether it was my binge eating and my weight issues, or there's certain times where if I didn't handle a conversation with my kids or my wife correctly the day before, I would always bring it up because I think those moments right there, the listener and the viewers really want to grab onto because there's too many times where people in our positions or even above where I'm at that, you know, can come off really preachy and people think that they're not relatable any longer. And I never want to be the individual that is not relatable.

29:44I want people that have never met me to truly know me. And that's what I shoot for here. That's why these conversations are not scripted. They're not calculated. They're open conversations because when I have amazing guests on like yourself, I want the people that are listening and watching to truly get a feel for who you really are. and what you have done and how you focus on a day-to-day to do the many things that you do. Authenticity. It really is. And for anyone out there who thinks that there's a trick, or just because sometimes we say like, here's one issue, two issues, three issues, everything isn't packaged in one, two, and three.

30:31You know, you really have to go through things and you have to be around people that you trust. And you have to be able to talk to people that you trust. And whether that's your friend group or your social media platform, you have to be able to be open and personally available to be better and to make real change in your life. Very well said. Wise, my friend. Wise. You're so wise. This is wild, Kelly. It's wild. Let me ask you another question. So you, you, I mean, again, we've talked about, you know, some of the properties that you show, you have some big luxury listings right now. And I think, I know as of six months ago, you were looking to sell your New York house.

31:16Did that sell? Are you still in it? Like what's going on? I rented that because the market just shifted. And so I decided to, my, my whole mindset in real estate is all about generational wealth. And what is generational wealth? Putting money in your pocket. So sometimes if the market does not lend itself to selling, then renting an apartment or putting money into people's pockets is just a better and safer way for people to actually make astute decisions on what they want to do, rather than just feeling like they have to sell something. You know, a little money goes a long way and, you know, money brings people a lot of freedom.

31:59And so, you know, you don't always have to just, I think that that's one, a big problem in the real estate market is that a lot of brokers feel like they have to sell. Well, if you have to sell, you're never going to be successful. It's, you want to find that perfect place for that person. You want to listen to what their needs are. Hey, I need to put some money in my pocket. Great. Let's rent it for a while. Let's put it at a higher price. Let's put on the market for a short period of time. Let's make strategic decisions so that we can together build a relationship and a rapport where you can trust me.

32:35And that is one, that's one reason why I do well in this business. It's not because I've got long hair, not because I smile. It's because I'm super strategic with my clients and I listen to what their needs are. And I am able to manipulate certain things because I have a team of really good people that I defer to, like lawyers and educated humans that are making real decisions, everyday real decisions, and not just people that are just trying to sell something to somebody. So it's just a different kind of mindset. Like I just, I operate on a different, I operate differently. Like I'm not afraid.