Remembering Charlie Kirk with Dr. Gina Loudon

27:36Go do gymnastics. Go do basketball. Go do football. Go do baseball. You know, go dance. Go do music. I don't care what it is. You know, socialize with others and interact that way. But holding on to the child's heart, I think, is so important because you see the rabbit hole these kids go down. Like your kids are telling you, doom scrolling. I mean, there's kids that, here's a crazy story. I took my son go-karting like a month ago. and we had the best time. And I took my phone out of my pocket one time. That was a take a picture of me and my son and send it to my wife. So she could see kind of like we were having fun and then it was gone.

28:17But there's these teenagers and they don't know any different. And I'm not slamming them. I don't know what it's like to be a teenager now. It's surely different. I don't know fully what these kids go through, but they're driving the go-karts and they have their phones out doing live videos, one cart, one cart crashed into another car. And I looked at my son. I said, Hey bud, you know what? He's like, Oh yeah, they're on the phone. I go, but, but you got to go deeper than that. If that was a real car, they'd be dead. I was like, and if you don't think they're doing that in the real car, you're wrong.

28:51They are. It's like, it has this hold of them, Gina. It's, I mean, and you know, we're in the business, right? Social media is important to what we do, right? It's, it's content. We get our ideas out. We display what we're doing. it's it's just the highlight reel it's not the real but it's the highlight reel of what we're doing and what and what we have going on so like i understand it to a point but there's even sometimes i'll look at my phone like oh my god i've been on this way too long but the children see things like my son told me like i was talking to my wife i was trying to talk about it in code because he's 11 you know and my one daughter's nine and my other daughter's six and he goes what are you talking about?

29:32I was like, oh, nothing. Something bad, really bad happened two days ago in America. He's like, oh, Mr. Charlie Kirk. I said, yeah, man. Like, how did you, he's like, oh, my school computer, I turned it on. It was on the MSN bottom line. It's like, these kids can't get away with it. And my kids don't have social medias. They don't have phones yet. They're too little in my opinion. I won't do it. These kids will not have a smartphone until they're in high school like they can have a flip phone in eighth grade so i know where they're at right but yeah but imagine like i i can't even like there's a 12 year old somewhere or even a 10 year old somewhere in america right now that got on social media that day and saw the actual video that you can't see on mainstream media they've all seen it all seen it yeah i saw it once and it was sent to me and I said, there's no way that has to be AI.

30:32There's no way this happened, but to think that kids saw this. Yeah. Yeah. And some of them saw it in real time, which is really sad. We had someone on our show today that was there in the front row when it happened. I can't even imagine. Yeah. I can't even imagine. I want to go back to one thing you said about the S word, as we call it, the socialization word. And I just want to be real transparent with you and with your audience. My kids and I today, we joke about the gaps. We call them the gaps. We say, there are gaps. Whenever we do something stupid, we're like, well, we're a homeschool family.

31:07There are gaps. And by the way, most of my children did take a year and go to school. I wanted them to see what it was like. Every single one of them begged to come back home. And I want to say another thing. I worked this whole time, got two master's degrees and a PhD, I've written, I don't know, around 20 books at this point. Some of those are children's books. So don't get too impressed, but some of them aren't. Some of them are true research documented. It's still impressive. It's still impressive for sure. So I'm just saying, and that's not to brag because really God inspires, you know, how he does.

31:40Like my two sons moved out and moved down the road when my youngest son turned 18. And I'll tell you what, that empty nest prompted a lot of this writing. So much of this is very recent. I have a lot of books coming out this year and that's fine. Otherwise I was going to drive them nuts. They're like, mom, please go back to something, do something. Do something, mama, do something. But there are gaps, you know, you, you are not going to, my kids now, our favorite dinner conversations are sitting around the table with the kids telling me about being at a baseball game in the dugout. And somebody said something that was, you know, either like a racial slur or a cuss word or something that they shouldn't be talking about sexually or something like that.

32:23And my kids are like, they don't know. They don't know what it is. And they were embarrassed. But honestly, if that's the kind of socialization that my kids had to have, I'm kind of okay with that, Sean. And so were there some difficult moments for them because they didn't know? um yes absolutely they make really funny stories in adulthood though let me tell you that and we bond over those stories today so i decided we were going to have these dinners and we were going to and actually was one of my kids ideas and they said hey mama why don't we go back to having family dinners again you know and i'm like well you guys are most of you are out of the house now and it means you're coming back they're like we'll do it we'll do it and when we can do it we will do it we'll all bring stuff we'll all help but let's go back to having our family dinners once a week And I'm like, what a great idea.

33:10So we sit down to dinner and we do this first one, right? Like last week. And I kept having to say to my husband, honey, get off your phone. Honey, get off your phone. The kids were willing to put their phones down. My husband kept forgetting and taking a business text or whatever. So, you know, here, nobody's perfect in all of this is what I'm trying to say. And you can make all the best decisions with all your best heart forward, right? Leaning into God the whole time. and at the same time, you can rinse. Rinse takes your laundry and hand delivers it to your door, expertly cleaned and folded, so you could take the time once spent folding and sorting and waiting to finally pursue a whole new version of you, like tea time you.

33:51Mmm. Or this tea time you. Or even this tea time you. So did you hear about Dave? Or even tea time, tea time, tea time you. Mmm. So update on Dave. It's up to you. We'll take the laundry. Rinse. It's time to be great. Really screwed things up. And I have screwed plenty up and made plenty of mistakes and a lot of errors by omission, right? And my kids let me know about it for sure. So there's no perfect answer. We're all, I tell my kids, put on my tombstone, she died trying because that's what's going to happen. I'm going to still die trying because to accomplish and to be satisfied in your achievement is to not be seeking the heart of God.

34:35Right. It's always about raising a higher standard. It's always about trying to figure out how you can do better. It's always about productivity and moving things forward and looking to God every step of the way and acknowledging the mistakes you've made and the shortcomings you have and building on the strengths that God gave you. And so that's all we're all doing. Like there's no difference. People say to me, and I'm sure they say this to you, too. Oh my gosh, you must be so busy. I say, I'm just like you. I'm just as busy as you. I'm just as not busy as you, right? We're all, it's, it's life.

35:08It's what happens to us. The point of life though, I think is the key here. If you can keep in mind that the entire point of life is sculpting us to, to stand in the face of God, to look God in the eye and have him say, well done, good and faithful servant. If that's your goal, then you, you're doing fine and give yourself a break and cut yourself slack and let yourself grieve and let yourself make mistakes with your children because you will. There is no perfect parent. There is no perfect schooling. There is no perfect pastor. There's no perfect president, by the way. There's no perfect thought leader.

35:43Even though Charlie was good, he wasn't perfect. And he would have been the first to tell you that. And I think that social media, while I believe it's very necessary in today's society, it paints this picture of these perfect lives, these people out there doing all of these fancy, the amazing, glamorous thing.

36:03When did making plans get this complicated? It's time to streamline with WhatsApp, the secure messaging app that brings the whole group together. Use polls to settle dinner plans, send event invites and pin messages so no one forgets mom's 60th, and never miss a meme or milestone, all protected with end-to-end encryption. It's time for WhatsApp. Message privately with everyone. Learn more at whatsapp.com. Nobody's life is like that. That is a lie from the pit of hell. And you need to know that going in and you need to keep that in perspective. And you need to focus on what it is that God's given you that you can do well.

36:40At least this is how I try to live my life. And it keeps me happier. And it keeps me more content. And it keeps me continuing in the fight. So that would be my best advice. You didn't ask for it, but there you go. I love it. Thank you for that. You know, I love it. Thank you, Gina. And you know, it's, it's crazy because none of us, you're like, you said, none of us are perfect. We make mistakes consistently. I, I probably made five of them today already. Right. But I think not catastrophizing a mistake is super important as a parent, because you want your children to know that it's okay to make a mistake and they don't have to be perfect in an imperfect world, you know, and in the thing, something you said was so important.

37:19I don't mean to interrupt you, but I just want to say something you said about the authenticity in that is really important. I have a counselor friend who said the words, if you take any situation, any situation, and you can be two things, kind and honest, it doesn't matter what the situation is. If you can do those two things, honesty is the really hard one. Pretty easy to be kind. Honesty, authenticity that you mentioned is really hard. But that goes with our children too. Sometimes we don't want them to see our mistakes because we think somehow then they're not going to believe in us as parents.

37:51But listen, if you don't point out your mistakes to your children, guess what? Someone will. And so it's very important to own that, be authentic in that, and to be honest with them. And even if that means you don't know where to go from there, that honesty, that authenticity with our children is critical. Now, does that mean that we tell them things that aren't child appropriate? Of course not. You've done something in your marriage or you did drugs and you have a three-year-old, that child does not need to know that yet. Exactly. When it's age appropriate, it's important to have that level of honesty and authenticity.

38:26And forgive me for interrupting you, but you said that. And I wanted to emphasize that because I thought it was so important. No, thank you. And again, it's an open conversation. You don't have to apologize. I welcome it because it's great dialogue, right? And when I look at my job as a father and a husband is to always, always be accountable for my flaws and my mistakes. I just think it, it shows, again, it shows the kids and it shows my wife that he's present. He's open. He wants good dialogue. And you mentioned family dinners, and this is something that drives me crazy. It drives me crazy. I've, you know, seen multiple situations where everybody's home in a family and it's dinner time, they get their plates and they go to the other room.

39:13Every single meal in my house, Gina, I am with my children. In the morning when my wife is getting ready for work, she's upstairs getting ready. I'm downstairs. I am doing the breakfast. I am doing their snacks. You know, after my workout, I'm drinking my coffee at the kitchen island with them and they're eating and I'm talking to them. It could be something simple. How'd you sleep? You know, what are you looking forward to today? What do you have going? like what are you not looking forward to let's work through that because it opens as dialogue and then dinner time that's sacred to me and I know my children are young in my world might get blown up when they're you know 13 14 15 16 years old and they're off doing their thing but for me I want they're not going to be little forever my wife always tells me this there's times you know was immature in fatherhood that I would get really stressed and really anxious.

40:10And like, I just don't have the capacity right now. And she goes, they're not going to be a little forever. They're not. And for her to hold me to that. And I'm noticing it every day. I'm noticing this every day. My children are growing up right before my eyes. My youngest is already almost seven years old who, by the way, last week, and we have not even spoken about it. I want to do homeschool my six year old. And so, and that's kind of what, you know, it, it was after, you know, Charlie Kirk and after that happened and I was already kind of in my mind, like, this is the route I want to go. And then my daughter randomly, sometimes I think my daughter, I mean, my, my youngest has this emotional intelligence, this, this energy feel for everything.

41:03and like she is, she's a lot like my wife. I joke with them. It's probably not the best joke. I go, are you guys witches? Are you witches? Because like I, like you know things before they happen. They're very, they're very in touch. Yeah, that's, that's beautiful though, that they're that in touch. And it's beautiful that your child, you know, out of the mouths of babes, there we go scripture again. And I'm sorry, I sound like Pastor Gina this morning and I would never be that and don't want to be that. But, but it's just, I think it's just very much on my heart right now. And it's really true.

41:34You know, my son said something to me the other day was talking about somebody. He had gone on on Fox News and said when remember when that that kiss happened and then the people kind of ran and hit at that sporting event. Oh, the Coldplay thing? Yeah, that was back in July. Yeah. Yes. Well, my youngest son, Bo, who does make appearances on TV now and then, he had gone on Fox News and said, you know, adultery is bad. And I'm just going to call it out right here. And it was a primetime Fox. I'm like, honey, I understand how you feel, but you understand that much of the audience, many of our friends, many of your friends are in that moment.

42:14and you need to be careful about how you present. So we were having this talk and he said, you know, mama, here's what I don't understand. Like people believe that God's gonna bring you the perfect person for you. He said, God doesn't bring you the person you're supposed to love. God gives you the love to love the person you're with. And I was like, what? You're 18, like how, what? How does he even come up with this? But that's brilliant. And if you really do believe in God, then God can do things like give you the love to love the one you're with. Um, and I think, you know, kids, they keep us honest and God will speak to us directly through them, which is another great reason to have them as close to you as you possibly can.

42:55And something you said struck me actually brought tears. Uh, and I, I didn't cry on TV. I've done that enough this week. Thank goodness. I didn't cry this time full on. I like when people cry on my show. It's great. Well, something you said really did because, you know, we've all seen the Instagram videos where they say, when is the last time? When is the last time you'll carry your child to bed? You know, I can't even get through without talking about it, but I mean, without crying, but you know, when is that last time? When is the last time you'll kiss your spouse goodbye? When is the last time you'll talk to your mother on the phone?

43:27When is the last time you'll carry your child to bed, read them a book? All the things that, especially in young parenthood, frustrated me so much, you know, all of the training and the, just the repetition of it. And I'm not really a good person with patience or repetition or any of that. but what I wouldn't give to go back to a day where a kiss on the forehead could make their problems go away because it can't now. And, and, and those kinds of things, those kinds of moments to, to stop and appreciate them and realize that that is what life is really about, that it is the moments, right? It's not the big vacations that are lavish and expensive.

44:03It's not the weddings, right? It's not, it's not the proms. It's not the football game where they won or lost. Those are not the important things in life. It's the little moments in between that we take completely for granted until they're gone. And then they're the moments we wish we could go back to the most. I want to share one with you and the listeners right now. I would give anything to go back when my son was a baby because I wasn't the father that I am now. I mean, I was always there, but I didn't have the level of patience. I was rough around the edges, Gina. A lot of us were. Very rough.

44:47And even with my middle child, my daughter, it's really hard not to say their names on the air. I really try hard not to, and I'm not going to. But yeah, with my nine-year-old, I'm better now for my six-year-old than I was for them at that age. And it's really hard. I mean, they get to experience me now, but sometimes I go through a little bit of a dad guilt, like, man, you know, she's getting the best of me. Those others got a version, you know, of me that wasn't the greatest, but you know, I wasn't a horrible human being by any stretch of the imagination. I'm not saying that, but I'm saying like, I just wish I was that much better for them because I see, I see the difference in me.

45:34And I just want to speak to the parents out there. It's okay to think that, but please don't let it hold you hostage. Please just continue to do better, pour into them now, because the reality is, I don't know how much of my childhood I remember. I mean, let's be honest. My son can pick up a moment from when he was six because he's 11 now. But when he's 30, he's not going to remember that moment. So my job every single day, what I work really hard for is to continue to get better. So that way, when all their memories form, they know the father that I was when it's time for me to go. Yeah, no, it's a beautiful, beautiful thought and a beautiful piece of honesty from you.

46:20And remember, God also said, I give you my grace. My grace is sufficient for you. His grace is sufficient. So you're, you know, because you have that grace and, and, and for your children to get to see you walk in that grace shows them by example that, you know, Hey, I had some rough times. Uh, I, I, I learned, I grew, uh, and, and that God's grace is sufficient for me. It'll be sufficient for you too, son. And that's a, perhaps an even more important message than you could have given him by being a perfect parent from day one. It really is. And, you know, I have to say something because you made me think about it.

46:58And this is dangerous to say, honestly, right now. The man, the boy, the person, the monster that killed my friend Charlie last week, he, um, I, the minute I heard his name, I went search social media, the little, uh, you know, cell phone investigator journalist from the tea party is not, is not very far buried in my heart. I'm still that, still that citizen journalist. And I start combing through the social media of the family and I find his mother's Facebook page and I start recording his mother's Facebook page. And I have tons and tons, dozens of screenshots of her Facebook page. And I'm looking, looking with my psychologist brain, you know, I'm not a licensed psychologist, but I'm trained as one, as you know.

47:46And anyway, I'm looking, looking for anything, a pink flag, let alone a red flag, anything I can see, you know, scrolling, looking through all the years of this killer's life. And I want to say that her Facebook page looked honestly like something out of a Disney movie. If you were to picture two perfect parents who were in love, who raised their three boys, took them hunting, took them fishing, took them to amusement parks, took them to, uh, you know, race dirt bikes, took them to do all the things and, and, and built her children up pictures of them. First day of school. Here they are. Oh, here's my boy.

48:26I'm so proud of him. Remember this, this boy was a valid was, I don't know if he was valedictorian, but a 4.0 student, uh, mama did some things right. Now I don't know what went wrong and you can't, we can't armchair quarterback what happened to this person who obviously became so possessed with evil that he committed the most heinous of acts on our friend. And I'm not excusing parenting. I don't know what happened. I have no idea. When it comes to what your family eats and drinks, you know, your choices matter. You're the expert because you know what fits your life. And getting it right starts with good information.

49:04That's why America's beverage companies are sharing more information about our ingredients at good to know facts.org. No spin, no judgments, just the facts straight from the experts for more than 140 beverage ingredients. Visit good to know facts.org. But I can tell you her Facebook page. I told my kids people would find a lot more dicey things on my page than I found on her page. And, um, who knows what kind of mother she was, but my goodness, what a horrible thing. I have a very close friend whose son, uh, actually, uh, raped, murdered, and dismembered a 13 year old child. When he was, I can't remember if he was 17 or 18, but he was very young when this happened.

49:49And my friend has to live with that every single day. And he's the first person that I went to, And he's the person that I've been ministering to this week because he's tried so hard and he made mistakes in his younger life as well. And he's the first person that I went to, to try to comfort after I saw this mother's Facebook page. And I thought, oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. All we can do as parents is do our best. All we can do is try. All we can do is learn from the lessons that God gives us in life. But grace is such an important factor that I think we forget a lot as we do hold ourselves to a standard, right?

50:25We forget about God's grace, but God talked about grace a lot in the Bible. And there's a reason for that. And I think in the moments where we do fall short, in the moments where we begin to think about our past or things that we've done, those are the scriptures to go to. It's the scriptures about grace and God's very strong word to us and very strong advice to us to accept that grace. He died for it. If we don't accept it, we're rejecting Jesus's death on the cross. So it's very important that we accept and pour that grace over ourselves and let ourselves be forgiven for what we've done in our lives that's mistaken.

51:02You know, Gina, this is a great point about his mom. You know, I didn't do the dive on Facebook or, you know, social media, but, you know, I think a lot about his parents.

51:17as a parent myself i'm trying to empathize man they're probably i mean they're probably destroyed you know i would have to think that i mean they can't can they go in public can you i mean like think about all these things like that they have to deal with now because of the choices that their son made and you know the text messages became public last night between him and his partner I read him 15 times I'm like what am I reading here and the only encouraging thing that I saw there was like at one point his partner just went silent and he just kept going I couldn't tell though Sean I'm not sure if he actually went silent because I don't know if you noticed there were little dots in between there I think that might have been redacted text I'm not sure to protect somebody who's not accused of a crime I'm not completely sure I don't know that But I did notice those little dot, dot, dots.

52:11And I thought, hmm, what's that? Yeah, good point. I didn't notice that. I didn't notice that. But, you know, as we wind down, I want to ask you one more question. I want to be respectful of your time. But how do we fix this? Right. How do we as America come together and fix what's going on? Because surely this cannot keep going on. I mean, we're talking, you know, over the next 10, 20 years, this can get potentially worse. like how how does how does america truly come together no matter what what you believe it's okay to believe separate things that was a beautiful part of this country i thought i have many friends that don't believe the things i do i have many friends or acquaintances that live a completely separate type of lifestyle than mine i'm like okay cool that's what you choose i'm not gonna judge it i'm not gonna be mad at you and hate you for thinking differently than me and let's be honest Charlie didn't I saw this quote somewhere he didn't send messages of hate they hated what he said how do we fix it?

53:20yeah well the short answer is of course that we don't because it's a spiritual battle we don't battle against flesh and blood as you know this is the oldest battle it's an ongoing battle and it goes on around us all the time. And we just don't have the eyes to see it yet. But the longer and I think more important answer is how then do we live? Right. Which is, of course, a famous book and a not so famous book, a book that I wrote called Mad Politics. I talk about this quite extensively. And I talk about how you have to speak truth and you have to stand and you have to fight. And that's why everyone's involvement is so important.

54:04You know, Charlie isn't going to be replaced. Charlie is going to be multiplied. And that's why you have to listen so carefully for your call in the midst of this. You know, we don't, my husband said to me, my husband's a former senator, always, senator, I just said senator, didn't I? Senator, always been very, very involved in politics. He was raised in a political family. I wasn't. And he said to me once, you know, we don't have the convenience. We don't have the luxury of not being involved in our government. We don't get the government we want. We get the government we deserve. And it could not be more true and it stands and it will always stand.

54:43But what can we do about it? Well, we have to make sure that we're doing everything we can to train up a child in the way he should go. So when he's old, he won't depart from it. I just did a 17 book series on helping young little hearts memorize scripture because I believe that scripture memory is so important. My kids and I one night were having a conversation over at the dinner table about the books that they remember. And we were like, night, night, moon. Everyone knows these. That's a good one. We all read all of the same books. And my kids were like, mama, why weren't you reading to us from a book where we can finish the sentence, but it's scripture?

55:24And I'm like, I don't know. I have to write it. And so I put my head together with Dr. Jim Mosley from Liberty University. And we hired the illustrator from Veggie Tales. I'm so excited about this new 17 book series called The Bible by Heart. We just released our first book. It's called Creation, Days of Creation by Heart. So it's on the creation story. And it helps your little mind, your little heart, whoever that person is in your life, whether it's a niece or a grandchild or a child of your own, or a friend to be able to finish the sentence when it comes to what happened on the first day, what happened on the second day, when did God rest, right?

56:05Those kinds of things. They'll know them forever if you read it to them when they're a child. So we did the 17 book series that's coming out. And I'm very excited about it. You can already order Days of Creation by Heart online. And I would encourage anybody to do that. And then I think the other thing is we pray. And I think we have to understand our relationship with God. And I think that relationship with God needs to be like the love letters you wrote to your wife when you were dating, right? Court God back. God's courted you your whole life. Court him back. You court him back with prayer.

56:38And I'll tell you what, I'm not in any way a theologian or a prayer expert by any standard, but here's what happened to me. I'm going to tell you a quick little story. I know we got to wrap. I received as a gift a book and I started writing in that book almost by mistake. bullet pointing my prayers day by day because it was a kind of a journal devotional kind of a book. Very esoteric and not really my taste. I'm a red meat girl at this point in my life. I want to be exhorted. But I did it because of the person that gave me the book. I just kind of wanted to keep it. And I thought, you know what?

57:11If this is all the Bible I get today, at least I got this. And I started just writing day by day. And at the end of about three years, I realized I had completely forgotten, Sean, the things that I was praying for three years ago, two years ago, one year ago, because I was writing on that date every year. I would just write the year at the top and then I would write the date. So I thought what is needed is a journal where you have the devotion, you have the scripture, you have the little thought in there, but you have plenty of room to write in a creative format what your prayers are that day.

57:42Even if it's just one word, even if it's just bullet points, just write it down because you will forget how God answers your prayer. Sometimes those answers come by not fulfilling what you were praying for, but by just fulfilling it in a different way. But you've got to have that love story written down. And Erica talks about Charlie was her best love story. And she thanked him for being her love story. What's your love story? What's your love story with your savior who died on the cross for you? That's the question I wanted to ask. And so I have two new also prayer journals coming out. One is called Prayer Answered.

58:15And another one is called the Prayer Warriors Journal. And I want people to use them like that. It's not about me or what I wrote. It's about what you write in this journal that I think will solidify your love letters, your love story with Jesus. And that's where I hope people go with it. It's to train up their children and to love God and have a relationship with them. That's what we can do. I want those journals. so when they come out let me know where I can pick some up because I want that for the family so thank you so much Gina you've been so amazing to talk to and thank you for having such an open vulnerable and respectful conversation about the world everything going on it and our friend Charlie Kirk may he rest in peace and I look forward to meeting you in person soon because we learned we're very close to each other geographically so we'll have to make that happen I'm camping in your yard, Sean.

59:10You offered. Don't be shocked when I show up with my whole family and all my dogs and we're camping there. We'll sit in there in your hot tub. Bring it. Bring it. And wife goes, hey, there's someone here. I'm like, oh, don't worry. That's Gina. I'll be home in a minute. Just go out there and say hi. Turner family. She's invited. Open invite. But dude, thank you so much. Have an amazing rest of your day. And I really cherish this. So for the audience out there, I hope this conversation made you think and dive into your feelings a little bit and just have an objective view of what's going on in the world today and how you can play a part in not fixing it, but fighting evil through good.

59:50And until next time, stay determined.

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