You Don’t Need Confidence, Just Do THIS | Leila Hormozi

22:19So there's just a constraint of time where it's like - It's called you sacrifice sleep. Right. Lots of sleep. A hundred percent. It's like, I mean, I don't want to do that. So it's like, I think about people that have kids, have a business, have a relationship, have friends, and now I'm going to make content about it too. It's like, something has to give. You can't be everything to everybody. And so I think that it's difficult for a lot of women, the ones I've spoken to that are like very legitimate in business, they're like, I just don't tell you. Right.

22:43Gabrielle Lyon:So how do we determine business legitimacy? I mean, I think about anybody in business. I think about like being legit in business would be like the I mean, I'm not saying I find this, but like I would say like the quality and quantity, meaning like the if you were to test a business and say, like, how is it legit? It makes a lot of money, grows a lot, and people say good things about it, customers and employees. And I would say if you have those three things and like you'd be like, that's a legit business. I think that if you have a business where people say good things both internally and externally but it's small, it's like you have credibility with small businesses, not large businesses.

23:18If you have a big business that has lots of money, et cetera, but nobody says good things about it, you have credibility with scammers.

23:26Gabrielle Lyon:So that's how I think about it. That's helpful because I think a lot of people are listening. So my audience is, you know, they're really interested in evolving. Yeah. And even though the entry point is medicine. Yeah. We really bring on the best of the best in all of their domains. And I think one of the big challenges is, you know, in our content, for example, a lot of the scientists that are out there are men. there are some women but it is not easy to get them to come on easy to get them to be forward facing and it just it's confusing because i think there's so much to gain from a sisterhood yeah you know right before this we called one of my best friends emily frisella emily love you probably not listening to this podcast but whatever um and there is something special in women supporting other women but you know who you see that mostly in the guys i think the bros they are like there to support each other versus the women it's more at least from what i see more like crabs in the barrel yeah that's interesting i do think that there's like if you think about competition amongst the sexes it's like i think men are like they fight with their fists women manipulative so it's like i think when i speak to other women they're like oh it's hard to find people i can trust that's always like the do i trust women and i'm like i look at the same way as hiring people It's like, well, if you let one person burn you, you're never going to have a team.

24:48If you let one friend burn you, it's like you're never going to have friends. So how do you evaluate trust?

24:53Gabrielle Lyon:Or how do you, you know, you probably have a lot of people coming to you for a lot of different things. I think that trust is. I think like if I were to say, how do I know I can trust somebody? It usually comes from being able to predict their behavior over a long enough time. So I think that the difficulty with trust is that it just takes time. Everyone says, they're like, trust just takes time. Why does it take time? Because if you want to understand somebody and be able to predict their behavior, which makes you feel safe, you have to have had enough time spent around that person or exposed to that person to understand.

25:27I know I read a study once on that. It takes about 80 hours to form a real friendship with somebody. I was like, well, why is that? I think it's because in order to really trust someone, you have to just see how their behavior plays out over time. So I think about that with people.

25:40Gabrielle Lyon:So you find you're more guarded now than you were. in the beginning of business?

25:51Gabrielle Lyon:Oddly, no. Because I think I was so guarded then. Like, I wouldn't even be able to, like, be myself talking to you right now. Like, I would be so self-conscious. I think I was very insecure. Like, me 10 years ago, so insecure. I think that's, you know, part of age, right? We all go through that. I suppose. And then with the insecurity is like, well, if I can't trust this person, will I be able to amend the situation? Can I take care of myself? I think it was, I trust myself more now. The more I trust myself, I can trust other people. Does that make sense? Yes, it does. Yeah. What do you think people get wrong in business, in life, relationships?

26:33Gabrielle Lyon:Are they different?

26:39It's interesting because I think I definitely feel about instead of like wrong, I think there's trade-offs. But I think that there are universal patterns that people try to defy. I would say that one of those would be, like, if I could give anybody, like, the biggest thing I've learned in my lifetime, which I got to learn by, like, a very young age, is, like, money does not make you happy. Success does not make you happy. I think that people conflate happiness and success, and they're such different things. I can feel super happy when I'm not super successful. um like I can tell you because in business you have good and bad years some of my happiest years have been the ones that have been the least successful in business probably also not a coincidence um and I think that you know it's funny because I remember somebody told me when I was like 21 and I was like listen I'm not gonna be if I was like what do I do with my life right

27:28Gabrielle Lyon:and I was like they're like had you already sold your business at this point I was no not at that point this was when I was 21 so I was young and I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do and somebody was like, you could go into physical therapy and you could make$85 ,000 in year one. And I was just like, that's too slow. And they were like, listen, money isn't going to make you happy. And I remember literally being like, I'd rather find out for myself. You're like, yes, it will. Yeah, like I will find out. And I didn't, you know, I say that half heartedly, but like they're just different skills.

28:01And I think that a lot of times in life, people think that if they succeed more they're going to be happier and that's just not the case and i think that i think that there's feeling content there's feeling confident there's having respect for yourself there's um trusting yourself those are all and those could help with happiness like having a solid foundation of like feeling like you've got your back but i i don't think that the two are related and i think i know a lot of people who i do not want to be like that are very successful like wildly successful like most successful in the world and they are so miserable yeah and i've just told myself i'm like i'm just not willing to compromise my quality of life to succeed like i'm just i just don't want to do that i think it was like two years ago i really started thinking about that i was like i know my personality i know myself i can be very obsessed and fixated and not do these other things that make my life good and build connection and relationships and stuff um have you always valued that relationship connection always have doesn't mean i always prioritized it like i went through a period in the beginning of my first business where i said the only thing that matters is this and it's because like you know me and alex my partner husband we put all our money into it we had no money we lost all of our money like we were broke and i was like i don't get any about anybody else i need to make money otherwise i don't what am I going to do?

29:28I'm not going to go back. That would suck. And so I just said, I don't really care about friendships. I don't really care about seeing my family right now. I don't care about anything. I need to make this work. And so for that, there was a three-year period where we literally sat and people would be like, hey, do you want to go to dinner? Me and Alex said the same thing to people. We'd be like, we don't do dinner. And they were like, why? And we're like, we just don't do friends right now. And it was like, oh, I remember saying to me. And then being like, what? I was like, I just don't even know how to do that.

29:54And it was because honestly, like in the beginning of my business, I was so scared of fucking up and scared of, I felt so much responsibility. You know, by the time I was 23, I had a hundred employees and I'm like, I've never even managed somebody before. That's bananas. Yeah. And then I'm like, I got to figure this out. So it's like every waking moment, all I wanted to do was figure that out because I took it really seriously. I'm like, listen, all these people paid me all this money to deliver

30:18Gabrielle Lyon:for these products and services 23 years old yeah how how do you even go through that that's so accelerated you know i mean you grow up in yeah business yeah um it was like the wildest few years of my life honestly i think but the interesting thing is like you asked me about fitness in the beginning like i anchored so much to that when i was going through it because it's like you're going through an identity shift. You're changing your lifestyle. You're learning a completely new skill. It's what you think about all day. Other people see it and they're talking about it. It's a giant life shift.

30:58And so, yeah, it was really, really hard for me. But I also gained so many skills. I wouldn't have traded it for the world. The person I was able to become and how much confidence I got as an output of all the things that I did,

31:15Gabrielle Lyon:I think it was such a gift. Yeah. Makes me think a lot about a lot of sacrifice. Yeah. You know, I did my fellowship in geriatrics and nutritional sciences. And I got to tell you what, I didn't want to. I mean, I was rounding on nursing homes. You're going, you're seeing 30 patients that are going to die a day. And it just was not what I signed up for. Yeah. But I did it so I could do nutritional sciences. And I just thought, man, just one more day, one more day until the time is complete. And the sacrifice seems to be transformative. And it's who's willing to sacrifice to be able to move forward.

31:57Yeah. I agree with that. I think I'm so careful to talk about sacrifice because people are like, oh, my God, what are you going to do? Sacrifice your whole life for this thing. And I think what you just said is exactly what I tell people, which is it's not forever. But in every season, it's like you think about life as like a wheel. You probably see this with people with help. It's like you have to, there's the constraint. What's the constraint of your life, right? And then to move forward in that area, that constraint, you almost have to put the rest on autopilot, say, I'm going to sacrifice growing these other areas to grow this one area, raise the thermometer, like the set level there, and then I'll probably move to the next one.

32:38I think about that because like a lot of entrepreneurs you meet with, I'm sure it's like they've done the business and they've maxed out. But it's like now the constraint of even their business is their health because they can't function properly because they don't have their health. And that's, I mean, yeah, you see it's like even think about like Brian Johnson, right? It's like he went and did all the business and then he's like, dude, my health sucks. It's like it's such a common thing. So I think about it like you're sacrificing right now. This doesn't mean forever. And I think that's really important context for people because if you tell somebody like forever, you're going to have to put this much mental energy into this thing, it sounds very overwhelming.

33:10And they say, I don't want to do that. I'm not going to make that sacrifice. But if you said, what if you only had to do it for 14 months and then it's going to become normal, you're going to have built habits, it's going to feel automatic, and you're able to think about other things to have headspace.

33:21Gabrielle Lyon:Let's talk about something I see consistently in my practice. Women who train hard but wake up exhausted the next day. You're hitting your workouts, eating your protein, but you're still sore for days, still dragging through your afternoon, feeling like you can't recover fast enough to stay consistent. Listen, recovery isn't just about rest. It's about giving your muscles the specific nutrients it needs at the right times. And that's why I love Body Health Products, one of the sponsors of this episode. The most important nutrients are the essential amino acids, which the body can't make. They play a critical role in the repair and recovery of your muscles.

34:00Gabrielle Lyon:The challenge? Getting enough essential amino acids usually means you need to eat more protein than you are right now and at the right time to optimize recovery. I know on busy days, I struggle to eat enough protein and let alone enough calories. The idea of one more chicken breast makes me want to vomit. But I still need those amino acids. And that's why I started using Body Health's Perfect Amino. No more chicken breast? Hey, no problem. It delivers the essential amino acids you need, but in a low calorie format. I take it with smaller meals and especially on training days when I need the extra support.

34:38Gabrielle Lyon:Recovery is where transformation happens. Make sure you're giving your body what it actually needs. Go to bodyhealth.com and use the code LION20 to get 20 % off your first order. That's bodyhealth.com and use the code LION20. Yeah, that's actually a really good point because things are hard in the beginning. And then after two years, you level up and it's not even though the original feeling of sacrifice. Yeah. It evolves. A hundred percent. And I think it's the, it's almost like the mental energy of these things more than it is even the time. It's like when you know it's a problem and you're trying to fix it and you're sacrificing these things, like it takes a lot of mental bandwidth.

35:28So it's one thing that I think about a lot, but I mean, you know, like I talk to people and they're like, you know, I want to follow in your path and I want to do what you did. And I'm like, okay, well then you'd have to sacrifice what I did, which like I'm not even able to tell you if that was the right trade-off or not. I don't know, because I can't have lived my other life that I could have had. Like I didn't have kids when I was young. And now if I want to have kids, It's like it's going to be a lot harder, you know, because I'm older now. And that's a real sacrifice. I could work the rest of my life.

35:52I can't have kids the rest of my life. And I tell women now and then I talk to them. I'm like, that's a real thing that I kind of wish somebody had said to me. Because if they were like, hey, just do it now and get it over with. And then, you know, whatever. It's like, I might have done that. Maybe it would have worked out better. I don't know. I have to if you want to borrow them.

36:08Gabrielle Lyon:You might change your mind real fast. You're like, no, you're good. You got out. No, just kidding. Yeah. But as the years go on and you've achieved all the success, the same stressors, they don't exist in the same way. Right. Is that fair to say? Yeah. No, no, no. I don't think so. I think it just is a new level. You get to another level and then you have a new stressor of something different for the most part. But you have more skills to pull from. How long do you think those levels last?

36:38Gabrielle Lyon:Two years, five years. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, I do. You know, you seem to jump or everybody, not you in particular, but there's the beginner phase and then there's the next business or the next accomplishment. I think it's more about exposure than it is time. And I think I say that because of my first experience with business growing so quickly. Like, if people are like, what's the level? It's like, OK, maybe right now the level is like you have to get over like fear of public speaking and being in camera and whatever. Or, okay, well, if you speak once every two weeks, it's going to take you two years to get to the next level.

37:11But if you speak every day, every other day, once a week, it's like if you expose yourself to it more, I think that you can get to the next level faster. It's like whenever I find something in my life that I realize that's stressing me out, I'm like, how can I stress myself out more?

37:26Gabrielle Lyon:Wait, you have to pause there because that's really good advice. That's really good advice. Your doctor or so. Yeah, I'll take it. Increase cortisol? Yes. No, I'm just kidding. But everybody thinks self-care is leaning into the softer thing. In that way, it's not. So say that again, because I don't think I've ever heard someone verbalize that. It's hard to, yeah, I don't verbalize it because it sounds bad when it comes out. But like, you have to stress yourself out more in the short term to get to the other side faster. So like something I talk about a lot of people, I had like a quote though in viral, it's like fear is a mile wide and inch deep.

38:02It's like the moment you step into the thing that's been freaking you out, stressing you know, et cetera, it gets easier. You realize it was, it's not an ocean, it's a puddle. And it's like, okay, I've just got to like jump through the puddle a little bit to get to the other side. But it's that most people have one experience and then they say, oh, I don't want to touch that. And then they're like, ah. And it becomes this thing in their life that like they have to circumvent around everything they do from this thing that they're scared of or that stresses them out. When in reality, if you had said, I'm going to do this thing, actually, I'm going to actually every day for two weeks, expose myself to this thing that stresses me out.

38:34By the end of two weeks, not only will you most likely not be stressed about it, you might actually like it. You know, I mean, I think about that. I'm like, I used to be so, so stressed. I remember, like, I made a podcast cover. I made a YouTube channel. I did all these things. I'd get in front of the camera. It was like, you know, and like, mind you, I would speak in front of a hundred employees I had live with like no scripting and loved it. But like, I'd be in front the camera i'd be like like i just my armpits are sweating yeah yeah and um and then i realized i was like okay i'm gonna commit to doing this content thing and i'm gonna do every week this many times a week and i'm not i'm just gonna commit to i'm not gonna stop and it's like i got over the initial hump so quickly the more i did it like i remember i did in one quarter i did like i can't remember how many speaking engagements it was i'd never do them anymore right um because one they don't stress me out anymore two i don't like traveling that much so i don't like doing it But like I did so many in that quarter.

39:29And I remember by the end of the quarter, I was like, oh, I like doing this. I could keep doing this. And I was like, oh, wait, no. That's too easy. Yeah. And then I was like, wow, I took something that I was so scared of that caused so much stress in my life. And now I actually like it. So I think it's just like it is so much easier to condition ourselves than we think. It's almost like, I mean, you probably see this in medicine, but it's like someone's intolerant to a food. Start with a tablespoon every day for a week and then two tablespoons and three tablespoons. And all of a sudden, something that you were intolerant to, now you're like completely fine with and you actually crave.

40:00It's like I've had that with foods as well. So it's like I think about the same with anything in life. It's just I think the hardest part is the first step. Because we all want to not feel the stress or the fear or the anxiety in order to take that first step. We're like, no, no, I have to solve the feeling before I go do the thing.

40:18Gabrielle Lyon:But, you know, that doesn't work. No, it doesn't work. Yeah. I think that's, I mean, that's really wise advice. I hope people really hear that. And the other thing is we don't hear that a lot from women. And whether it's a man or a woman doesn't really matter. But I do think that there is something to be said for that. To lean into the harder thing. You know, there's this idea of stoicism, right? And, you know, when I think about stoicism, they got a lot right. It's very neutral. but the part they missed is kind of the connection and being able to feel and be together with family and yeah what is you know it's not just all about you know go hard or go home yeah that's tough um i think that well i'll speak freely um i think that a lot of women at least like what i have thrown up in is like we have to prove ourselves to be like we are strong and we are we are we can do it too right that was like a slogan how long ago um like what was it like anything a man can do i can do better is that it yeah but there are things like that leans you very far in this one direction and i think it's we're at this weird point right now at least i see it like the very few times i'm on social media and often people just ask me about these things it's like you've got women that are super hard boss babe women are super hard like trad wife right that's what they call it what is it called trad wife trad wife traditional wife i gotta get one of those i literally said that i was like i want one of those um and it's it's almost like this and i think it's not just it's probably not just promo it's probably for men too but i think they have less social they're not really acceptable of being super soft in society as much um but i think stoicism also became cool in the last decade because it also goes in that direction but there's so many things that I think like we are naturally inclined to do and do as women that help this side that come from this side like if we can learn to foster relationships connect with people have empathy listen support people encourage people like create safe spaces for people like it can't supercharge this other side but I feel like at least so many women I speak to it's like they're now so afraid to show this side of themselves because they feel like now what's cool is to just be like this complete that's like stoic and doesn't cry and has no emotion and this and that so it's really interesting to see all yeah and i think it takes a toll on people because it's like you're trying to be one or the other it's like just be yourself which is like humans are dynamic creatures and we change all the time yeah the social media thing is really tough yeah because it shows a side of human human nature but i think it also brings out the worst in people yeah well you probably see it a lot too especially like in health i feel like that's yes so polarizing.

43:10Yes. I mean, but like you, you, you know, I see you post and you're like, you're working out, you're pushing heavy weights, but then you've got your kids with you. And you're like, come on, buddy. Let me wipe your butt. Yeah, exactly. And it's like, you know, figuring that out has, I'm sure not been easy for you because it's like a different energy at times that you have to bring to the situation. Yeah.

43:29Gabrielle Lyon:I don't know. I, I try to be as, at least for me, as transparent as possible. But people, most people don't know is that I'm actually hilarious. Yeah. But yeah, just ask Emily. I try to be as transparent as possible. But also, I'm not on social media. I have a great team that helps me. So that way I'm not thinking about what I should be doing. I'm just very much, this is what you see is what you get. I swear a lot more than I do on camera or in my podcast. That is true. And I'm not nearly as good of a cook but other than that i try to be as because then it feels very inauthentic and i and you wouldn't want to do it well but i feel as if there's two reasons why people do things and maybe this is too much of a black and white statement but either it's really in the service of others yeah or it's in the service of themselves and there's probably this bi-directional relationship because when I am doing and being of service, it makes me feel better.

44:35Gabrielle Lyon:Yeah. But the primary goal isn't for it to be about me. And it never has been. And my husband's the same way. He's a veteran. He's a surgical resident working 100 hours a week. It's about being of service. And so then the other side is it's about me, me, me. And then I think that that the social media landscape doesn't differentiate between the two. We don't know. I think that part is challenging. Yeah, that is true. And you can't really tell on social media much. I mean, like, I've met so many people that then I see their social media, I'm like, ugh. And I meet them in real life, and I'm like, oh, you're awesome.

45:16Or I'll see them on social media, and I'm like, oh, they seem amazing. I meet them, and I'm like, oh my god, you're awful. You know? It's so hard to know anything nowadays. And I mean, I feel grateful I didn't grow up like you know glued to a screen that would be tough but yeah do you limit your time on social

45:32Gabrielle Lyon:media and try to have more in-person interactions i actually feel like because we have like this office and all these people like i actually try to get on social media i have to try to get on it which i actually like because i like if i looked at my phone usage like the what i am glued to on my screen is my slack for sure like we use slack to communicate with the team like it's like the most hours on my phone used so if you guys are not on there you're totally fired yeah no everyone's on slack for sure um so i haven't had a hard time with the social media usage but i see it in like almost every but that's like a forcing function like i'm sure if i was not in the office doing things yeah how would you be spending your time reading and what are you reading oh i love that um cooking yeah i like doing those three things for sure what kind of stuff do you read i read a lot more about um psychology human behavior um like that's pretty much all i read actually anything recently good interesting um no i think i've i've been interested in this like reading more about the evolution of men and women and like how we've gotten to kind of where we are today because i see so much about it and like culture that's what people call it right uh and i think it's really interesting because i like you said something earlier was like you feel responsible to a degree to do like i feel responsible as a woman in business who has a brand to understand if my influence is positively or negatively affecting people and like that actually will keep me up at night and so understanding how i've gotten to where i am and then what's happening in culture right now like i see a lot of people unhappy because they're single like so many people are single now and like i think about that like i don't understand like when i was dating it was like it was just different um it wasn't this like nobody can find a mate thing yeah that i see that and that seems do we know that to be true i mean is that what the statistics say that people are struggling or is it maybe the people that you're exposed to that are in business wanting to do other things?

47:47It's interesting that it's like I've seen it both one way or the other, which is like, you know, I've seen stats saying that the birth rates are declining. Then you see stats saying they're going up. I don't know. But I do hear a lot of it. I have so many women that reach out to me and they're like, I cannot find a man. I don't understand why. I have so many men that reach out to me like, how do I find a wife like you? Like literally those are the questions I get. And so I'm like, what is going on? And literally, I'll do it, ask me anything. I'm like, why are people asking me about this? But it's probably because I'm married and in business.

48:15How long have you guys been married? Almost 10 years.

48:18Gabrielle Lyon:Okay. Do you think there's something special to do to maintain a relationship with two extremely high achievers?

48:34Gabrielle Lyon:Yeah, it's hard. um it took a ton of work in the beginning and as you change as people it takes a ton of work as you change like i even think in the last two three years like we've definitely both changed a lot as people and we like joke about how this is like our second marriage with each other like literally recently it's like a thing um and so it takes like almost like when we've been going on dates i'm like literally look at my husband and i'm like he's a new person now like i have to like go in with like ask him questions as you would if you didn't know this person because people change and you just make assumptions and i also don't want to be the reason that anyone i'm with remains the same as they are rather than growing into who they want to be and i think you can keep people there with what you reinforce how you label them how you treat them because of things they wanted that they used to want to be um and i think in order to keep a marriage i mean like you can probably relate to this like you have to keep one i think it's really hard if you both don't grow If you both aren't growing, that's hard because what is there to talk about?

49:37The second piece is that I think you have to be curious enough to get to know the person all over again when they are changing. And then say, great, now let's talk about how do we be married, how do you say it, to this new version of each other? I mean, what have you experienced with your husband? So, you know, my husband is a little bit of an enigma.

50:00Gabrielle Lyon:He's actually, they're probably pretty similar. So he was a SEAL for 10 years. Yeah. And while he was deployed, he taught himself physics and calculus at war to then come back and teach trauma to special warfare. Wow. And then went to medical school. And now he's a surgical resident. The joke is he went from working with dicks to now treating dicks because he's a urologist, which is so funny. But he is a professional teammate. So he's all about the team. Oh, yeah. That makes a ton of sense. He's like, what are you doing? Want to hang out? What are you doing? I'm like, I've already spent an entire day with Go.

50:36Gabrielle Lyon:And so it's really cute. I love that. But I will say, I was thinking about what you were saying in terms of the beginning of business. She's working 100 hours a week. The responsibility of the family is 100 % on me. I run the businesses. I take care of the kids. I do not outsource all my child care. Yeah. I have part-time help by design. i'm taking care of all of it so the challenge is you know from my perspective just speaking also freely my husband does listen to this podcast hi honey i'm sorry what i'm about to say um resentment can build up he is working and i promised very early on that i was going to support the family and him he served our country put his life in danger to protect us he can do whatever he wants yeah and that and as i made that promise we're now four five six seven years later yeah of him working these hours at least he's not deployed but it's a lot of responsibility when you're like hey can you please pick up the kids i've picked up the kids for the last five months straight can you do it yeah i mean and it's not possible because he's in surgery or doing whatever he's doing sleeping in his car which is probably the joke about getting a wife yeah Yeah, totally.

51:53Gabrielle Lyon:I'll take one. Hey, if you guys are looking, you can apply. Yeah. I mean, I get it because even when me and Alex had together, we don't have kids, but we looked at the house responsibilities and he was just like, these things are not important to me. I just honestly don't do it. When we met, he didn't do anything. He would not do laundry to the degree he would just buy new clothes when they were dirty. God, that must have smelled really wrong. Yeah. So I said, I was like, listen, I just want to make this easy. I will take care of all house stuff that doesn't mean i will be doing it but i will take care of it and i will also take care of all the food stuff and it's been 10 years and like there i mean i will get to points where i'm like listen i can't cook like i got i'm not cooking anymore and then you know then i go back because like i love cooking i love baking but not when i'm like so busy and that's the problem right as you're growing a business your stress increases what worked in a relationship early on And, you know, I made these commitments.

52:49Gabrielle Lyon:I'm going to take care of everything. Now I'm going to release my second book. I have a third book coming out, which I'm, you know, interviewing you for, which is all about women. And I wasn't the same person. The stresses weren't the same. The responsibilities. This episode is brought to you by Bond Charge. Now, my husband looked at me the other night and said, should I be scared? And honestly, fair. I was sitting in the dark with a glowing red mask strapped to my face. I don't have time for a 5 million step skin routine. I just don't. But I do have 10 minutes while I'm answering emails or pretending to read before I pass out.

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54:11Gabrielle Lyon:Go to bondcharge.com and use code Dr. Lyon to save 15%. Yeah. Are not the same. And so there's this kind of dance where you get more skills, like you said, but also you have to be able to look at yourself and then evolve those parts if that makes any sense whatsoever. Oh, it's almost like you have to renegotiate the terms of the relationship. That's right. I mean, it's like a business. It's like, listen, we both, your partners and I look at it like, because we have the conversation. I'm like, listen, every time we've had one of these, it's like, we're partners in business. We're also partners in life.

54:44Like we have to renegotiate our terms.

54:45Gabrielle Lyon:I'm like, dude, you're broke. So you put in the sweat equity and I'll put in the money. Yeah, it's terrible, but true. It's funny though. But I do think that that is like the premise of it. It's like everyone goes into a relationship thinking like this is how it's, it is not, it's not going to be that way forever. You will change so much. They will change so much. And those things change. I mean, I've been very honest with Alex and I've been like, oh, my God, I think that I cannot do this and do this. And he's like, great. So, like, let's just talk about how. You know, and I think it's being open with your partner about what you have to give, you know.

55:21And then, you know, what's interesting for me is because, like, I recently was like, I actually miss doing some things like baking and cooking, et cetera, because, like, I actually went to culinary school. I wanted to do that for a living. You did? I did. That's amazing. Yeah. So, for me, it's like a creative outlet. but then so i'll do it and then like this is amazing i'm like don't piece it's not an expectation like i just do it when i have time it's like create like i literally can think freely when i'm doing those things it's like your hands are busy it's a great time um and so it's interesting because like it changes so much throughout the relationship i think i think people just expect now i think a difficult part is like now especially with women having more responsibilities and expectations of themselves and dreams and goals than ever you have to be more communicative with your partner yeah and we have to say like i do see a lot of women that i know and they've been like why won't he listen or talk to me like i want him to just like be my emotional support almost and i'm like men for so long that has not been their their value in a lot of like a lot of there There are plenty of men who are, but there's also like what is innately like their protectors.

56:33Absolutely. And so I've had to have these conversations. I'm like, he's not your girlfriend. Yeah. And I literally had the conversation. I was like, that's what you do. I talk to girls about those things. I talk to my girlfriends about those things. I don't expect to get that same level of connection with my husband when I'm talking about these things. and so I do feel lucky I learned that early on because I see that being a huge I would say demand that women have on men right now that I feel is some men have it to get for sure um not the ones

57:03Gabrielle Lyon:I know so okay right but but I'm just some do I'm like honey I um I'm really pissed about she's like you want to talk about I'm like with you absolutely not yeah no I have no interest because yeah he's gonna give me the one the same he's like did you no matter what I say yeah his answer will be like well, did you break our family rule? What's that? Well, I'm going to say it, but team, you got to beat this out. It's, are you being a or don't be a. And then rule number two is don't it up. That's funny. That's it. Don't be. And you're like, great. Good talk. Anyway, I'm like, honey, oh my God, I had to fire this person.

57:38Gabrielle Lyon:And, you know, I don't know what we're going to do. And, and I got to work on this book because they sent a deal in and I've got to try to do this merger acquisition with the part of the business and he's like okay well did you break rule number one and i'm like oh my my dad he's got a mullin like whatever it is and i'm like what he's like are you gonna i was like oh my god i'm never asking you and then he's so upset every time i'm like hey dude i don't talk to you i'm gonna call someone else yeah you just know you're like this is not for you yeah i already know what the answer is gonna be yeah 100 you're like it's funny my husband like you want to talk about that i'm like now i'm gonna talk to somebody else about this one yeah he's like cool works for me he's good talk yeah good talk so mine isn't his feelings are very hurt but you know he'll evolve he'll get there and then he'll be like honey i want to talk to you about this thing he's like this thing happened at work and i was operating i'm like uh-huh oh like are you gonna hear what he's like yeah i am good talk and that's it because that's what he wants you to say.

58:39Gabrielle Lyon:I'm like, I'm so glad that I just gave you what you needed. This is going to work out well. This was so easy. Totally. Totally. That's great. What do you think people do wrong? So for the women, maybe not even, so in the relationship, the one thing is perhaps not having the expectation that they're going to be a girlfriend, which I totally agree with. Also, my husband smells way too bad to be a female. I'm like, dude, what is that smell? Like, that's really, that is not. He's like my laundry. Oh my God. Well, did you wear deodorant today yeah today we have to fumigate everything it's disgusting yeah so he runs to work rain or shine oh and then doesn't shower and no and his clothes and then runs home and the clothes are there it's disgusting but you know when i think about the one thing and i watch a video that you had put out and it was what it was i mean i've watched a handful as i prepared for this but There was this one, it was like, you know, this is the mistake that everyone is making.

59:39Gabrielle Lyon:It was, you know, you don't, what was it, deserve? Hold on, I have a note here. Yeah, yeah, go for it. This was the one thing that it was, oh, belief. What most people get wrong. Belief in themselves. About belief? Yeah. Oh. The thing that most people get wrong about belief is that it is a... Self-belief. Yeah. Is that it is a... They think it's an input, not an output. So they think in order to do something, I must have self-belief. But you have to do the thing to have the self-belief. So I think it's like everyone's like, I'm not ready. I'm not confident. I'm not this. I'm not input. Therefore, I can't, you know, do this thing.

1:00:21But it's like, it's not the input. It's actually the output of doing this.

1:00:24Gabrielle Lyon:But what if you fail at it? What if, say, for example, you believe that you can run a business? And not you, but maybe. And then you just can't. Do you think is that a possibility? Is failure a possibility? Failure is data. I don't understand. I like actually don't. Like I do not think failure is a bad thing. I think people have a bad relationship with failure. They look at it like it means something about them. They look at it like it's a bad thing. Like every time you fail, you are that much closer to success. Like I really do believe that innately in my blood. Like there has been nothing that I have succeeded at that I have not failed at first.

1:01:00Gabrielle Lyon:But how did you get good at that? The way that you are talking and thinking is very, it's just very well thought out. You know, it's, it is, it's a lot of introspection. I think it's being able to be the scientist, not the judge. So it's like the judge, the internal judge is like, you suck. You're awful. You failed. That's because you were not good at this thing. You are bad at this. You should do that. Like it's constantly building a narrative around why this failure means something about you. Whereas the scientist is like, let me look at all the conditions. Did we do this? Did we do that? Were we missing information?

1:01:41Did we do this piece wrong? Like it's looking for the evidence to find out why the thing failed, not building a narrative around why you are the reason why it failed. Do you catch yourself in self-talk?

1:01:55Gabrielle Lyon:Do you think that that's important? I do. I used to be really really bad at it like meaning I would be able to do things but I did beat myself up a lot for them and I think that over time I've been able to catch myself so I don't smart beat myself up over things and I practice like people think that you're just going to have new thoughts you have to practice belief you have to practice new thoughts it's not just going to come innately and so for me it's like how do i practice this belief i would do these things to reinforce the belief i would say these things to reinforce the belief like i for example um i'll give you one example of that um i used to be really bad at saying no and so i always thought that i was like a pushover people got to walk all over me i was like a door doormat doorstep uh and And I finally started saying, okay, what would I have to do and how would I have to act to really believe that I was not a person that could be walked all over?

1:03:03Okay, well, I would say no more. I wouldn't apologize for it. I wouldn't over-explain. And I remember when I started doing that, I'd be like, no, I can't do that. It would feel so uncomfortable. But after doing it a few times, I was like, wow, I'm the kind of person who says no. And now ask people, they're probably like, dude, she's the queen of saying no. My husband's like, you've been the opposite now, right? Because you reinforced this belief in the other way. But it wasn't like the feelings and thoughts and belief was there before I did it. I just started doing it and the action reinforced the thoughts and belief.

1:03:35And then eventually I started having the thoughts and beliefs like I am the type of person that is able to say no and hold my boundaries. But it came out of my mouth and through my actions before it came into my head.

1:03:47Gabrielle Lyon:And you just interpret the feeling differently. So when you said no the first 100 times, probably not 100, 14. Yeah. You're like, oh, God, I can't believe I did that. Yeah. And then maybe you wouldn't have the feeling or you didn't respond the same way to that physical sensation. I looked at it 100%. I think that oftentimes it's not that the discomfort, the anxiety is ever going to go away, but we change our relationship to it. Do you think it doesn't go away? I think some of it. I think you can train a lot of it out. But I think it's not like anybody lives with zero anxiety or discomfort. You know what I mean?

1:04:21Like there's going to be a new stressor situation or something, right? And so I just think like I might now in a situation where I go to walk on stage instead of being like I'm so terrified, I'd be like I'm so excited. I think I've changed my relationship. Like there's going to be adrenaline and cortisol because there's a huge room of people shouting. But I don't look at it like, oh, it's going to shut me down and I'm going to, you know, fail. I look at it like it's lighting me up and I'm going to have more energy. So the butterflies are in attack formation.

1:04:46Gabrielle Lyon:Yeah. I love it. Yeah. What is next on your radar?

1:04:56Expansion for my company. So building a bigger footprint across the country is like super top of mind for me right now for 2026. in terms of how we're going to expand as a company. I would say second to that is I have just hired, you know, six executives in the last quarter. And so my role is going to change going into 2026. I'm going to, you know, up-level and have like a completely new focus just so I'm completely vision, strategy, building out like our operating model with our Holdco and operating companies. and then going with that I would say like on a personal side is leaning more into I would say skills that have atrophied as I built out like the very disciplined side of myself I think I learned a lot about myself this year going through like I mean you know I reached out to you I was like dealing with health issues and that has I don't need to learn a lesson twice pretty smart I recognize like where I can put in systems now to make sure that I can keep going.

1:06:09And so for me, it's about like, how do I stay in the game? How do I continue to build a life and do a thing that I love and not sacrifice my quality of life along the way? And so I've had a huge focus on health, on building more time and space into my schedule so that I can now do bigger things for the business that are more, I would say like longer term thinking because it requires that of me now. And I think those two things actually go hand in hand.

1:06:32Gabrielle Lyon:It sounds like they do. Yeah. Do you think, and I hear this a lot, people are always striving to make it. Do you feel like you've made it?

1:06:52Gabrielle Lyon:Um, like, yes and no. So I would say no from a business standpoint. No. from a personal standpoint, I don't feel like I've made it, but I am really proud of how far it's come. Do you think you'll ever feel like you've made it? No, I don't think we ever do. I think we die feeling like we haven't made it. I don't think it goes away. And I think I try really hard now. In my second business, I made this promise to myself. I'm like, I'm going to try really hard to acknowledge my accomplishments and give myself a pat on the back. You're doing good. I will continue to do what I do no matter what. Me being nicer to myself doesn't make me go any less hard, but it does make it feel a lot better along the way.

1:07:37Gabrielle Lyon:I can absolutely attest to that. When you have a family, do you think you'll let your kids go into business? I would hope that they come into business and hopefully with me. I would love that. Listen, I'm hoping my kid becomes an astronaut, but I'll take going into business. Leila Hermosi, thank you so much for coming on the show. Oh, thanks for having me. It was awesome. So fun.