2023 UNLEASHED: The Top 12 Most Life Changing Lessons

22:55I'm sure he's unbelievably proud of you. The life I've chosen is definitely worth it. I have no regrets. There's nothing I look back on and think, ah, man, I wish I'd have done that a little bit differently. I mean, I know that I've given up a lot, but there's a balance. I used to think contentment was a four-letter word. Now I really admire those that are content. As long as it's put in the right context, I now am finding contentment. But before I could never have been in that space, I feel like I've been a really good father. The only thing that's mattered to me is if my girls at the end of my life say, hey, my dad was a great father, then nothing else matters.

23:35I mean, you say, hey, you're not really thought of as being a top five all-time quarterback. I don't care, but I think I could maybe make that top five all-time dad list. That's what motivates me. That's what matters to me. Our story is going to be told by those who know us best. And I'm thrilled with where I'm at. I mean, life just keeps getting better. So yeah, I'm happy. I think it's because you're getting better. Yeah. Every once in a while, I like to use my platform to highlight an up-and-comer, you know, like a rookie, Just somebody who needs some elevation in their life. And so today is one of the things.

24:09I'm just kidding. My guest today is writing his 88th book. He is a legend. He is a mentor to me. He's a friend. I'm getting emotional already. And he is a hero of mine. And I aspire to be more like him. in my life. And I'm so grateful that he's in my life. I'm so grateful that he's going to share this time with us today for the third time on the show. And every time he's on, the downloads go crazy. And he's also one of the greatest communicators who's ever lived. And he's written a book about it. And if anybody is qualified to write this book, it is this man. His new book is called The 16 Undeniable Laws of Communication.

24:56Apply them and make the most of your message, and he does it every time I'm with him. John Maxwell, welcome back to the show, brother. And it's so good to be with you. An amateur speaker or a newer speaker doesn't like silence. They talk too fast and they talk too much, in my opinion. You are the all-time best at the pause and the moment in between the words so that it makes an impact. The hardest thing to coach people in speaking is the pause. The reason that we're uncomfortable when we speak with pausing is the moment I stop, I give up control to the audience. And we subconsciously don't want to give up control.

25:33The pause underlines your words. If I pause, wow, the people are on that thought. If I don't pause, I immediately move them on. What happens is the people are trying to catch up with them the whole time. They're never with them because they're behind them. And if somebody's behind me, whatever I'm saying doesn't have its full effect. If we speak fast all the time, they can't feel emotionally the words. And if they can't feel emotionally, the words don't have the same impact on them. When you pause, you give people a chance to hear the whisper. When you say things that are substantial and things that have meat to them and have application to them, if you pause sometimes, what you said whispers to your heart.

26:17In fact, I ask myself when I hear a speaker, did I hear the whisper? any time during the speech. And I can only hear the whisper if the speaker lets me have a little time, a couple seconds just to settle in. Silence is an act of war against the competing voices within us. I want them to hear my voice, but there's a higher voice. My voice, they'll forget. The higher voice, they will not forget. When you look at the audience, there are four words that they start with an F that you have to constantly be aware of while you're teaching. And the first one is, how does my audience feel? Do they feel like they're happy and excited?

27:01And do they, do they have, are they already leaning in? You know, are they, you know, are they laid back? Then I go to that second F. If I can find out how you feel and I can say, you know what? I have felt the same way.

27:17Oh my gosh. He knows what I'm thinking. He knows what I'm feeling. He, he understands me. And then that third F is, and let me tell you what I found that worked for me. So that now you tell them kind of what you've learned. And then you use the fourth F is, and I think that I can help you find the answer too. And the moment that you get those four Fs and you're working those four Fs where you're teaching, you follow me? It works. It just works. One of the things I don't like about success is it separates us from people. And I hate that. I I don't want fans. I want friends. I've spoken 13 ,000 times in over a hundred countries of the world.

27:55Of course I'm a great communicator, but what people don't understand it was the practice. You cannot separate action from success and you can't separate intentional practice from success. After 13 ,000 times, of course I'm good because I've been practicing and practicing. But if they could have seen me on the front end, it would have helped them because that's where they are. When we tell stories about different times in our life, it does help people see us in another dimension that is very helpful for the learning and the growth. But I don't like the separation that success brings. I wish there was a way to close that gap because you don't help people when you're separated from people.

28:35You only help people when you're beside them and you walk with them and they can connect with you, if that makes sense. Yeah, I have – it's my opinion, but I think it's shared by about 98 % of the population. I have the greatest college football player in history in front of me here today. He was also a first-round draft pick in the NFL. He also played professional baseball. He's also a TV icon now, and he's a great force for good and force for God in the world. And it's somebody that I've admired from a distance for many, many years. And so many of you have asked me, can we please listen in on a conversation with you and this man?

29:07And so we're going to do it today. Please share it because this is going to be epic. Tim Tebow, welcome to the show, brother. Thank you so much. I've read where your father would tell you that you were a miracle. Yes, he would. My dad is such a massive hero of mine is because he did it in places where they said, if you tell people about the love of your God, we'll kill you. And he still did. When I was 15 and I was in the jungles of the Philippines, and I met a boy who was born with his feet on backwards. And because of that, his village viewed him as cursed, as less than, as insignificant, and he was a throwaway to his village.

29:50But I knew that day that he wasn't a throwaway to God, and God was putting on my heart that he better not be a throwaway to you. I've known that I was supposed to fight for boys and girls, men and women, hurting people all around the world that were viewed as less than, because to God, nobody is. Nobody is. so that when he did give me athletic ability or strength, it wasn't so that I could carry a football or hit a baseball. It was so that you can lift him up first and foremost, but then hurting people that the world has put down. And you can lift them up. And that is still what I believe is my greatest calling to this day.

30:30I wish, I hope people can feel what I'm feeling sitting three feet from you. You've taken a lot of criticism in your life, bro. A lot. You took a lot of criticism for standing up for your faith. Tons of it. You were made fun of. You were mocked. Then you get to the NFL. Ah, he can't throw. He can't play. Then you have the courage. Nah, I'm going to go play baseball. Oh, Tim Tebow's a baseball player now, right? But you've been willing to take criticism for your convictions, your beliefs, and your dreams. Most people aren't. For so much of my life in sports, I loved it so much. I was so passionate that I would be willing to sacrifice.

31:05It didn't come from a place of hard work. It came from a place of caring, caring about the game, loving my teammates, loving the coaches, not wanting to let people down. And so that was something that would drive me to go to the nth degree. I think for me in that moment, I felt such a weight, a burden, and a responsibility because I missed the mark. I did. As a leader, as the quarterback, as a part of Gator Nation, I bleed orange and blue. It was my grandfather's dream for him to see Florida win an SEC championship. And he died before that happened. It meant that much to me. I wanted to say something.

31:44I wanted to say something. I didn't have to. I didn't need to. But I felt like I was supposed to. And there's a difference. I believe when you do something wrong, the first thing you should do is apologize. And so I apologized twice. I'm just so grateful for my parents in trying to instill this is to apologize and then say how it's going to be different. And see what's funny is people will sometimes quote and they'll be like, oh, you promised y 'all we're going to win the National Championship. I'm like, I never said that. I can't make a promise that I don't know if it'll come true. And so I promised something I believed I could control was that I was going to be the hardest working player because I believe I could control that.

32:23What advice you would give people about living in a more intentional existence? When we want to be fulfilled, it is not what we're going to take in, it's what we're going to give out. Wow. And that's just not even close because you know how many conversations I've had and how many people that I've read about and seen that have reached the pinnacle of what they wanted to do in their occupation. And how many conversations we've had in the middle of the night where they said, man, I just thought it was going to mean more. Yes. I just thought it was going to mean more. But, man, when we step out of our comfort zone, when we all of a sudden, you know, the homeless guy at the light, we stop and we share with him and we give him something.

32:56We take him to go get some food. And all of a sudden, his life isn't just different. Our life is different. And we need to go back and we need to remember what matters, our non-negotiables, our convictions, all the amazing things that God has done in our life. And we need to focus on those things. And so, you know, when we get out of bed and we focus on those things, then we reframe our mind. We go back to what matters. We go back to what's important. We're encouraged by good things. And now we go get ready to head out to life. I have two quotes on my wall when I was young and growing up. There's one of them.

33:25Somewhere he is out there training while I am not. And when we meet, he will win. He's training for my scholarship. He's training for the championship. He's training for the trophy. He's training for the moment. He's training for all of that. While I am not. I can't get up in the middle of the night because I want to have a work ethic. But I can get up in the middle of the night because I have a conviction that I want to be my best because I have one life. I have one opportunity. I have one chance. That can get me up at night. Not because, man, I want to be so disciplined to be a hard worker. There's no weight behind it.

33:55Very few people have the chance to be the best in something. And so are we going to wake up and say, hey, with this day, with this moment, with this year, with my life, with this chance, because I believe that I'm here for a reason, that I have purpose, that I can make a difference, that I love what I'm doing, that I'm passionate, which passion ultimately also just means. Passion is a 12th century Latin word that means to suffer. And where the word even comes from is from the passion of the Christ that Jesus cared so much for humanity that he's willing to go to the cross to suffer for them. So when we say we're passionate about something, it's not excitement, motivation, or hype.

34:31It means that we care so much about something we're willing to suffer for. So when we say, hey, we love something, we're passionate, know what we're talking about. Oh my God. That means we're going to sacrifice. And so do you love it? Are you passionate about it? Right? Do you want to make the most of your life, of your time? We don't know how much time we're going to have, but man, when we have it, let's run after the things we love and we're called to. I want to finish my life saying, you know what? I know I messed up so many times, but man, with the race that was set before me, I ran. And one day when I get to heaven, I don't want to get to heaven well rested.

35:06I want to get to heaven exhausted. How the heck are you doing this? You're like exceeding what I thought you would possibly do today. People are like level 26 on the treadmill right now. I'm ready to run through the daggum wall. And I'm dead serious right now. Fired up about today. producer calls me about six months ago and goes hey jewel wants to come on your show and i'm like yes immediately yes but i had no idea we're going to talk about it was just it was jewel we got a legend to come on my show i'm like absolutely yes and then i started to prepare for the podcast and they're like oh she's a mental health advocate i'm like oh that's nice a celebrity who's a mental health advocate there's a few of those and then i started to dig into her work and then i went whoa and then I fell in love with her work and I've been in this loop for off and on for about six months learning from her because she's not just a mental health advocate she's a strategist and she's somebody who has lived through this in a way that makes her authentic in the tools that she teaches and her experience in her life obviously you all know her multi grammy nominated artist my favorite voice of all time and somebody whose music I've listened to for about 20 years, but we're not going to talk that much about music today.

36:19We're going to talk about making your life better. So Jewel, welcome to the show. Thank you for being here. Thanks. I really appreciate it. So good to have you. You guys, this is an all timer. Did you think you're going to hear someone's nominated for a bunch of Grammys? We're going this deep on something like this is an all freaking timer. I think it's incredible that an 18 year old young woman with really no upbringing has the vision, the intuition to even begin to stop and study like her hands for two weeks. That's mind-blowing to me. Educate us a little bit on this idea that you've noticed this and that I think you believe you can't be in two states at once, right?

36:52I was 18. I was homeless. I wouldn't have sex with a boss. He wouldn't give me my paycheck and I couldn't pay my rent. Started living in my car. My car got stolen. I ended up homeless. I was having panic attacks. I was agoraphobic and I was shoplifting a lot. Your hands are the servants of your thought. Maybe if I can watch what my hands are doing, it'll tell me what I'm thinking. So I'm going to write down everything I do for two weeks. At the end of two weeks, I sat down to look at like my data, trying to figure out what I was thinking. And it dawned on me, I hadn't had a panic attack in two weeks.

37:21What I stumbled on was being present. I stumbled on mindfulness, following my hands around, forced me to be so present all day long that I couldn't worry about a future that wasn't happening yet and freak myself out into a panic attack. I hated writing when I wanted to steal. If I loved writing, I'd written my whole life. Why did I hate writing then? I shut my eyes and I thought about shoplifting. I get very excited. My mind gets very sharp. I get excited and it's intense. I think about writing. My body immediately leans back. My voice drops. I get slower. My mind softens. My whole countenance changes.

38:02That was so interesting to me. So I wrote down relaxed and excited. And that was like my first way of trying to relate to these two physiological states. I kept a journal of three things, thinking, feeling, doing. Every time I was excited, I wrote down thinking, feeling, doing. Then as I began to refine these words, I changed it to dilated, relaxed, open, dilated, contracted, excited, anxious, worried. And also it doesn't matter if it's a thought that triggers your contracted state or if it's a feeling or if it's an action, It doesn't matter. It starts a cascade and it's neurochemical and you get this intense response in your body.

38:42So the first time I got this to work for me in a really profound way was when I felt a panic attack coming on. I looked at my list on my dilated. I saw that one of the emotions that worked for me was gratitude. And I was able to substitute. I was able to force myself to do something on my dilated list that elicited a physiological response in my body. that caused me not to have a panic attack. And that was exciting because I really knew I was onto something that was going to change my life forever. I've heard you talk about this, that at some point you wanted to learn to nurture whatever you thought your nature was.

39:18And that at the same time, you said this thing about you really can't be in two states at once. I had a bunny named Caramel on the ranch I was raised on. And this rabbit was raised with chickens and it pecked at its food and it waddled, which is adorable until you move out at 15 and you go, what if I'm a bunny that thinks it's a chicken? Will I ever know my nature if my nurture was so f***ed up? And orange's peel is its response to its environment to protect its fruit, right? What if my psyche was a response to protect myself from my environment and it had nothing to do with what was the fruit?

39:53I spent all of my time on this outward exterior when what actually really mattered was what was I inside of here? I just had to develop a relationship with it. And I had to develop strategies of getting to know my nature. Writing was one way, being quiet was another way. And then ultimately other strategies. I don't like affirmative thinking. It just never worked for me because it felt like lying. I tried it. I looked in the mirror. I said, I know what I'm doing. And my body went, you're lying. That's right. Your neurology completely contradicts. state, it didn't change. Exactly. Yes. So it was baloney.

40:25Correct. So I had to find what I call an antidote thought. The sentence I ended up finding that worked was I won't quit till I learn. To this day, it makes me tear up. It is so true about me. And literally, it's sometimes just clinging to saying the sentence over and over so that your body can relax, get your body into a different state. Now you're not going to have a knee jerk response, right? A neurological knee-jerk response that is your nurture, you're going to be able to have a thoughtful, formed response that's in alignment with your nature. The pattern and the tools that Jewel just presented just there could be the trigger for you to become in a very resourceful, successful peak state as opposed to an unresourceful, lazy, unproductive state.

41:06It may not be sad or happy or anxiety or fear versus power. It may be just success. Someone listening to this or watching this right now that says, my spouse did this to me or my friend did this to me or I was raised a particular way. It felt like it wasn't all just my choosing, but that some things happened to me. What are some of those tools that you would suggest to somebody who's feeling those feelings? In the game of healing, in the job of healing, nobody cares about fault. It's either you learn to heal or you don't. You learn to make a healthier, more nourishing choice now that you know better.

41:37Once you know, what are you going to do? Will you accept the responsibility of it? Learning for me to know the difference between a reason and an excuse. I had a lot of reasons why I couldn't be happy. But when I stopped accepting excuses for why I couldn't be now, my life changed. I think healing is a gritty, gritty job. It's you looking in the mirror and going, what do I got? No one's coming for me. I'm coming for me. What am I willing to do? What am I willing to do different today than I did yesterday? Will I take notes on it? Will I see if it worked? If it doesn't, will I try something new tomorrow?

42:09I still don't think I've produced the amount of bliss and happiness in my life that I'm worthy of, that I should have more. Do you relate to that at all? Happiness is a side effect of choices. And often we don't know what's prompting our choices. And why are we being driven to choices that lead to the side effect of dissatisfaction, you know, unfulfilling relationships, unfulfilling friendships, things that don't nourish us, things that deplete us. I had to really come to terms with it was me doing this to myself. I kept choosing abusive people. I kept choosing people that took from me. I kept choosing to give more than I should give.

42:50It was me behind the wheel of my body. What was I doing? What was driving me to these results that led to unhappiness? And could I choose differently? Developing a lot of those tools and strategies for myself started helping me make better choices. I've been talking to this man about having him on the show here for, I don't know, like six or eight months. And you would think, well, you want to have him on because he's this, you know, Grammy-nominated artist that everybody knows. And that's not really why I wanted him on. I wanted him on because this man has dimension and depth. He's a really unique person because he's obviously very talented, sold millions and millions of records.

43:29But he's got this dimension and depth because of his life experience and because of his work on himself and personal development. He's also got a book out called Adversity for Sale, and it's really, really good. I read the entire thing in two days. So, Jeezy J. Jenkins, welcome to the show. What's up? How you doing, my brother? It's so good to have you, and I'm doing very well. It's an honor to be here, man. Well, thank you. You got this thing that you write about, about your something GPS. My mental GPS. This is so good. If your reputation is good, and you're a good person, and you pour into people, even at your hardest time, somebody might just point you at the right person or send you in the right direction because they know you're good.

44:03The reason why I call it Mental GPS, I feel like there will never be a time in my life where if I lost it all tomorrow that I couldn't get it back. Because I know I understand it and I know how to get back where I left and then to keep up on that, to keep on that path. And when you from where we from, when you lose it, people go bad. They'll rob their brother. They'll take from their best friend. I've seen situations where people murder their closest friends. The sad thing is like the culture respects violence more so than money. Either you're going to be a leader that leads with evolution or you're going to be a leader that leads with violence.

44:36And that's how it works. You ever heard like when we talk, we say, wow, the good guys got to go. Those are the ones that get killed. Why is adversity the topic of the book? And why did you think this is the thing I want to talk about? My purpose is to continue to evolve no matter what, but to continue to give that information back to my culture and to my people and to be an example of what it's like. to come out of that because every situation that I've been in, and it's funny that we was talking about God, I don't care how crazy it got. He always put somebody in my life around the time that I needed some information or a ear or a connection.

45:16I truly believe that he does that for me to show people that you can maintain your integrity and be a solid individual and still survive, you know, without doing anything that would go against who you are as a man and then your legacy. Adversity to me is that small glare of hope. You said something so important that God has sent you that person when you needed them, the information, the insight, whatever it might be. I want everybody to hear this. He does that for you too. The difference is you need to be an expectation that he's going to and aware that he's going to, because he has probably sent those people to you previously in your life.

45:55And if you're not aware he's doing it or open to the possibility he's doing it, you will miss them You have to be in a good place too, though You have to be in a good place with yourself I really realized that because there was times that I wasn't in a good place for myself and it was just a bunch of noise I let things on the outside of me control My emotions how I felt I just had to come to a place where I just started to understand what peace was like The minute I started going inward Everything changed because now I can't fault anyone in my life for what they've done to me. I have to look inside and see what I've done to contribute to that.

46:30When I started to understand that is when things started to slow down. You find yourself performing with Jay-Z or you're in the studio with Kanye or whatever. And I know the answer because I know, but I want them to hear this. And then you didn't really start in music. It's not like you. You had to have some massive imposter syndrome at some point. Like, do I belong with these dudes? I don't think I've ever had imposter syndrome. I've been around people that I felt like they wasn't who they say they are. When I started to get around certain people, I'm like, oh, this is a persona. This is an act.

47:07But I'm like, oh, what does that mean for me then? Am I doing the wrong thing or am I doing the right thing? Because I'm living this. Like I would live and die for this. That was the only imposter syndrome. I was feeling like they wasn't like me. When I got into the music, the music was just a way to amplify that. But I still had what it takes to survive in the streets. And if you go to any penitentiary, any neighborhood, anywhere that anybody congregates on survival, they know who I am. They know you. And nobody sees me out like, yo, I love the last album you did. No, no, it's just like, hey, bro, you changed my life.

47:38I love you, man. I'm praying for you. And that's the part that I can't let them down with. So that's why I refuse to give up that part of me that's who I am as an authentic person just to fit in somewhere. I am really excited to talk to this man today because, you know, it's interesting. I was really a fan of his work. I think probably my favorite comedic television character of all time, seriously. I know it's my wife's for sure, is Dwight from The Office. I mean, like, the favorite character of my wife ever. And because of that, how much belly laughing I've done in my life because of this man.

48:11Probably mine. And then I start digging into him and his work outside of acting to me, with all due respect, is 100 times more compelling than his prolific acting career. And I mean it. I read his entire book in one sitting and then I handed the book to my wife and said, you need to read this. And she read it in one setting. And I just think because his work affects me and the things that I'm the stage of my life, what Rain's talking about is the most important to me. So my guest today is Rainn Wilson. His book is called Soul Boom right here. Why we need a spiritual revolution. And I couldn't agree more.

48:50So Rainn, welcome to the show, brother. Ed, what a fantastic introduction. I got to say that my favorite radio slash podcast hosts wife is your wife. And I don't mean anything disrespectful. And I'm also wondering if the one, the single sitting of the reading of my book happened on the toilet or not. It was not. It was actually on a chair on the beach. So not quite. Although I'm 52, so I had to use the toilet three or four times as I sat there and read it, but I held it because the book was that good. So what do you mean when you say reinvigorate the word spirituality and why do we need to in our culture?

49:25We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. Our reality is that we are divine beings. We're having this visceral, tangible, three-dimensional consciousness-induced experience as a human being on planet Earth until we're not anymore and we move on. This experience, which has to do with our divine qualities, the spiritual virtues that we carry with us, kindness, love, humility, honesty, our connection to our higher power, our connection to nature, all of the aspects of what I would call the higher nature of humanity, as opposed to our more egoistic, animalistic aspects of our humanity.

50:06When we are driven by our animal impulses, as I have been, those are the more animalistic parts of ourselves. That's what spirituality is. It's our relationship with our soul. I think about death a lot. I find that it causes me to be more present and want to live fully in the moment because I know these moments to some extent in my body are fleeting. My favorite people think about the end of their lives more than other people do. Whereas a lot of people, I think they literally believe, thinking everybody else is going to die except them. We are all going to die. This is the only culture in human history that has shunned conversations about death.

50:44Death has been a part of the ongoing human conversation for 100 ,000 years. In fact, the earliest evidence of spirituality in humanity is the earliest evidence of humanity, which are burial mounds 200 ,000 years old, where people are buried with implements they're going to need on their journey. Humans have always viewed death as a continuation of an ongoing journey. We dig into a conversation of death to better frame the experience of being alive. We are not, as a culture, talking about suffering enough. What is the purpose of suffering? The number one thing that psychologists point to with young people of why they are struggling so much in this mental health epidemic is they don't have resilience.

51:27So how do you build resilience if you don't understand suffering itself? And that leads us to death. You talk about death, you talk about suffering, and that builds resilience. And you understand that suffering is a part of life. It's not something to be avoided. If we are souls having a human experience and we're continuing on our journey, then what is our purpose on earth? Well, our purpose is to grow those spiritual qualities. One of the principal ways that we grow our souls is through suffering. So there is a divine purpose to suffering. Think of all of the suffering that we could end and reduce if we weren't fighting each other and building instruments of war constantly.

52:03There is a great mystery and a great purpose to suffering. Who wants to work with someone with a small life and a high drive and a tiny little life and lots of greed? No one wants to work with someone like that. We want to turn being self-centered from being other-centered. Being other-centered actually makes you happier. This process of service to others and thinking about service to others, you can start it for selfish reasons. Start doing it because it'll make you happier. It'll bring you more fulfillment. And actually other people will be drawn to you like a magnet because you're engaging in this process of service to others.

52:44And then before too long, you may start doing it for yourself. And then all of a sudden you just fall in love with the doing of it. Look at the data around gratitude, how service to others can help you, how it gives you a happier, richer life. Because at the end of the day, it comes down to human connection. Today's a really special show for me for a few reasons. One is what we're going to cover the nature of the topics we're going to discuss today I believe are going to move you And affect you and I don't think you'll be the same at the end of this hour That's my prayer The second reason i'm excited is i'm a fan of this man Just as a person as i've got to know Some of our mutual friends Got to know him a little bit.

53:28I'm uh I'm a big fan of this man personally I feel his heart and his spirit. Even when he just instantly walked in the room now, I felt it. Third thing is I was a fan of his music. He's one of the great country music stars of the last decade. And I've enjoyed his work and his artistry for a very long time. But he's sort of in this transitional phase of his life that many of you are in too. But it was born out of sort of a tragic event that I want to discuss with him today. So Granger Smith, finally, welcome to the show, brother. Man, great intro. Thank you so much, brother. I feel so much mutual respect for you as well.

54:03Thank you, man. Something happened in your family just a few years ago with your precious boy, River. Why don't you just take the floor and tell everybody what took place? Yeah, June 4th, 2019. It's about 7.30 p.m. And that's a beautiful time in Texas, early June. And touring's great. You know, the sky is blue. It's before it gets too hot. So you get this blue sky and these big puffy white clouds and everything is in bloom. And I remember I was outside with my kids, three kids. And it was the night before I'm leaving for a summer tour. I was barefoot in the grass and the boys are playing water gun fight.

54:45And I'm spotting my daughter as she's doing some gymnastics. And my wife Amber's in the house, getting the house ready for bed for everybody to go to bed. And I remember out there just thinking to myself, I was holding my daughter's ankles. And I remember thinking in that moment, soak in this moment because it won't last forever. And I was thinking much more surface level, just the kids are going to grow up. These are good times. We're living in the good times. The good old days are today. Soak in this moment. Everything was good. Things were really good. And I'd worked hard for a long time to get to a moment like this where work was great.

55:25The family was in a solid place. We had our three kids and that was it. Like River was our youngest. He was three and he was the caboose. We had the family. You were the dream house. Dream house. Dream property. Everything we had built was there. It was good. Shortly after I thought that, that soak in this moment, I noticed that it was quiet. abnormally quiet for a three-year-old and five-year-old boy playing water gun fight. And I thought, where's River? And that's not a crazy thought. River was an adventurer. He was always an explorer. He was always the wild man of the house, wild hair and bare feet.

56:09And I looked over my left shoulder and there he was in her pool face down inside the gated locked pool. and so part of my recollection is just disbelief how did he get in there i'm not sure i'm seeing right there's no way i could that could be him but it is and i ran and i crashed into the pool and i i grabbed him and i thought in my mind i thought i was going to grab him and flip him and he would be coughing and and scared and crying and i'd say buddy what are you doing How'd you get in here? You know you can't get in this pool. How'd you do this? My son Lincoln wasn't around at all. But that's not what happened.

56:55Instead, he was lifeless, cold, like a rag doll. His face was blue. His eyes were rolling around in his head. Horror. Absolute horror. Once again, I just couldn't, my brain could not compute what was going on. he was limp and and i took took his limp body out and started cpr but i didn't really know it just what i'd seen in movies and and i kind of knew you know breathe into his lungs pump his chest breathe again not too hard you know don't want to hurt his chest and then i remember thinking maybe that doesn't matter maybe i break his sternum maybe that's not a big deal you know All these thoughts just rolling around in my head.

57:42My daughter runs to get my wife. She comes out, and I say, I need my phone. I didn't have my phone on me. She goes back in to get my phone. She runs back out. We call 911. Dispatches walking us through proper CPR. We lived out in the country, 10 minutes from emergency services. It seemed like an eternity. we would we would occasionally get him to cough but it wasn't conscious for him it was more just a reaction of his body with air and water coming out it was a a um to say it was a nightmare is an understatement yeah going through this it's every parent's total shock yeah yeah yeah uh emergency services got there instantly got his heartbeat back with electric shock so i thought dodged a bullet you know that was a close one police officers are kind of holding me back and trying to get me to calmly tell them what happened to them it's a crime scene you know one just sweetheart officer came up this this woman and she said they're taking him to the hospital get get in your car take your family and go and i said okay and i jumped in the car we and i looked back and i saw that all these cops around the house and police officers, firefighters.

59:01And they said, go, we got it. We'll lock up the house. Chased the ambulance down the highway, got to the hospital. They transferred him to another hospital and they found out how critical it was. The second hospital, the children's hospital, they told us, they said, he's very, very sick, but we still have hope. And so I thought then, you know, I've just kept these thoughts just kept coming back. Like it's not as bad as it seems. Okay, maybe he's going to have some kind of brain damage. That's okay. At least we get our little boy back. Then that all crashed when the doctor came in and said, there's 0 % chance of his brain ever functioning correctly ever again.

59:430 % chance of life ever again. And we looked at him and we said, can we have a second opinion? You know, that's the only thing we could think to say. He said, absolutely. Brought in another team. neurologist came in they said we're gonna affirm the same thing you just heard there's there's no chance that was june the 6th 2019 for me river i feel like i know him like this was your wild man a little bit right this was the dude who went fast did you just in that moment decide i want to have him have this last ride river he loved going fast whether it was on a UTV or on a little toy tractor that he had.

1:00:22He always loved to go faster, faster, faster. That was his line, faster, faster, faster. And as we needed to donate the organs, they needed to take him into the other operating room. So as we started rolling it down, this bed down the hallway, just had this thought, here he goes again on wheels. I told the nurse, I said, hey man, this guy loved to go fast. You think you could wheel him a little faster? And he looked around and he looked at everyone else that had their hands on that bed. He goes, Hey, guys, we're going to set a Texas record today. It started going a little faster. Doors were opening on all these different hospital rooms, and people were coming out clapping and cheering him on.

1:00:58I thought, there he goes. He's going fast one last time. The slideshow was my biggest enemy. I was seeing images over and over of the night we lost him. I do still see the slideshow, even today, but it has lost its sting. Lost its power over you. It does not have its power over me. I remember everything about that morning reading out of John 14. The disciple asked Jesus, Lord, why is it that you manifest yourself to us, the disciples, but not to the rest of the world? Jesus answered him, if anyone loves me, he will keep my word and my father will love him. We will come to him and make our home with him.

1:01:36Pastor Piper comes in and he says, that's not unconditional love. That is profoundly conditional. He was saying, there's people that I love, that I will save, redeem, restore, forgive. And you could tell those people because those are the ones that keep my word. You've made a massive commitment. So if you're wondering like, hey, this is really interesting words this guy's got. Wow, really cool. I just felt really motivated and I'm going to pick my Bible up. It's a lot more than that. So tell them what you've decided to do with your life as a commitment. Jesus is talking a parable. And he says, the kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covers up.

1:02:19Then in his joy, he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field. There's a word that we can't miss in that parable, and it's joy. If you don't feel that joy, you're not feeling it right. I love this message. I love the healing that's behind it. I love the transformation that it brings, the power of the word itself that the Bible says is sharper than any two-edged sword piercing the heart. That I have decided to walk away from music just so that I can get out, write books, and tell people about this message, this treasure in a field. The cool part about how God works is that what you're doing is just planting the seeds.

1:02:58God provides for the harvest in people's lives. Right. And that harvest is going to show up, man, these seeds you're planting in ways that you can't even imagine. in people's lives at different times. You think of yourself as a tree. You could bend and sway with the storms. You could have roots that go deep, but they can also intertwine with other trees around you to help you stand upright. And then spreading that seed. Someone 10 years from now, maybe, could come up and go, Granger Smith. Yeah. I heard you, you don't know me, but I heard you on Ed's podcast about 10 years ago. and you were that effect that John Piper was for you in the truck on March 1st 2020 that was you for me and I'll go praise God there's all these things you can't take with you but there are things you can leave here and these are the seeds that you plant I want the person listening to this on the treadmill right now who's like yeah I want to go all the way on that when you're riding high and playing your music and there's sold out arenas you didn't need it then but now that you've gone through this tough time?

1:03:59What would you say to somebody who says that to you? So many times it takes tragic events for us to see that we aren't in control, okay? So, hey, I'll give God the credit for that. I think that was God's purpose. I'll let this guy ride high for a little bit. I'll let him see that he thinks he has the world at his fingertips. I'll get him the authority for people to actually listen to him and trust him. Then I'll knock him down so that he could only trust me. We will find out over time whether or not it was a seed sown in rocky soil that grows up quick and dies off. But the seed growing in good soil will know by its fruit over time.

1:04:39This is the Ed Milad Show.