3 Rules To Master Self Control | Ed Mylett

24:28Bob Gibson, the ferocious pitcher from the St. Louis Cardinals, took intimidation a step further. He wouldn't even talk to guys on the other team, especially if they were hitters, says Gibson, who had a baffling 1.12 ERA. So here's what I'm saying here. This is what this means. You have to have the mindset that you are not going to think like everybody else. that you're going to think differently. And I'm letting you weigh on the inside here of self-discipline. This is deep, deep, deep, deep into it. But if you keep thinking like everybody else thinks, right, you're not going to be great. And I know this stuff isn't always pretty to hear, but I'm going to tell you right now, this is what winning is.

25:07These are the little subtle thoughts that when you're, hey, good to see you, good to see you. But in your mind, you're like, they ain't getting to me. They don't know how to play it at this level. They don't know this game. These are all the things. You start doing all this stuff, plus what I said in the very beginning, eliminating the distractions, scheduling the right things. You've got to be kidding me. Moving needle activities next, the big stuff, starting with simple practices that build self-confidence and build momentum. How about number four? This is huge, guys. Have a sense of the historic.

25:40You hear that? Do you have a sense of the historic that what you're doing is something great? I tell my family since they were little kids, say the Milets are going to do something awesome. The Milets are going to do something. We're going to do something psycho as a family. We're going to do something incredible. In business, I tell my colleagues, we're going to do something so amazing. You guys aren't going to believe when we get there. We're doing something awesome. This is a team of destiny. This is a company. The Milets, a family of destiny. You have a sense of the historic. This gives you a context to want to be self-disciplined.

26:09Does that make sense? Why be self-disciplined if it's never going to mean anything? That's the problem. One of the reasons we're not selfless is it's never going to mean anything. Who cares? No one's going to notice. It's no big deal. What I do doesn't matter. It does matter. It's just your dadgum life. It's just the story of you. It's just your family name. It's just your reputation. It's just what they're going to talk about when you're gone. It's doing something historic. So whether that means you're going to win a World Series or a Masters Golf Tournament or just be the one in your family and change your family forever, you've got to have this sense that you're making history because, by the way, you are.

26:46You're making some type of history. If you're a faith-based person, you know someday you're going to account for it. There's going to be a history of your life. And even if you're not, you've got to believe somewhere along the road there's some record of your existence. So you're making history, so you might as well have a sense of it. And we have a sense that that history is going to be great instead of average and ordinary. you begin to automatically become compelled to be self-disciplined. If you lack self-discipline, there's nothing compelling you to have it other than wanting it. But if you have a sense of the historic, that's totally different.

27:21So he says this, do you have to win the big ones to be a dominator? It's a subject of eternal debate amongst sports fans, but it shouldn't be. Tiger is the proof. He's at the head of a heavenly crew of athletes, not because he's won five of his past six tournaments, but because he's won five of his past six major tournaments. Every athlete says he wants to win major championships, but Tiger doesn't just want those moments of glory. Listen to this. He has an innate sense that he can't be a legend without them. In our lives, there's going to be a bunch of every single day meetings, every single day encounters with people, and they seem inconsequential.

28:00But when you have self-discipline in these meetings and in these encounters with people, in your relationships, in business, in the gym, whatever it might be, on an everyday basis, every once in a while, there's going to be a big one show up. And you're ready for it when it happens, because it's your habit. It's because it's your discipline. But when you aren't day-to-day prepared, here's the truth in life. When you're doing something historic or when it's a big meeting, most times you won't know it until years later. But if you look back at your life right now, the person you're married to is probably a chance meeting, right?

28:36Or something you weren't even sure was going to be significant. The business you're in, the company you work for, probably you weren't even planning on working there or even being in that business. See, our dreams often show up in life in packages that we don't picture, that we didn't dream of. And so it's that day-to-day staying ready and being ready until the important meeting comes, the major appointment comes, the major relationship comes. I always say that you're one more meeting, one more decision, one more relationship, whatever it might be, one new emotion, one podcast away from changing your life.

29:08But the hook is you will never know when it's actually happening. You will not know when it's happening until it shows up. So you're not going to know when it's the big one. You'll only know after you've done it. Now, there are times in life you're like, this one really matters. you will not feel the pressure in this one really mattering when you've been great day-to-day and self-disciplined all the way along the way you've heard great athletes say it's just another game it's not just another game but the great ones can perform just like it's another game just like it's another meeting just like it's another appointment whereas the average ordinary the ones that fail feel the pressure because they haven't been disciplined consistently throughout their life or their business or their fitness, and they blow the big one.

29:49And it's true in life. The difference between winning and losing is so small, it really is almost too scary to talk about. If I look back at my own life, the very few occasions and meetings that took the massive difference in my life, it is scary to think about had I not shown up and performed in that meeting or I had not done the right thing on that first date. It's amazing even in your own life, isn't it. And so that's why day-to-day being ready, day-to-day having self-discipline, day-to-day having these habits and the mindsets to go with them matter because you never know when it's coming. And the fifth one, this is big.

30:26This is why a 52-year-old is just fired up today talking to you. Ready? Never, ever be satisfied. Never, ever be satisfied. Most athletes work the hardest when they're trying to reach the top. So do most business people. Once they can get to that$100 ,000, they worked hard. Once they get to that million dollars, they've worked as hard as they can work. The great ones work even harder after they get to the hundred thousand, harder after they get to the million, harder after they're famous, harder after they've got a big following, harder after they get that promotion. They work harder in their loving relationships after they've got the one that's the one.

31:01But most people work hardest to get them. And once they have them, they don't work is hard to keep them or to grow it. The great ones work even harder after they get what they want, who they want. Wouldn't you love to be in a relationship with somebody who worked so hard to get you and then once they got you worked even harder the rest of your life to keep loving you? Wouldn't you love in business someone who had a goal to get to a million dollars or a hundred thousand dollars and when they got there they worked even harder? But we all know in life that's not true for most people but the great ones the dominators the goats the self-disciplined people they work even harder when they get there so most athletes work the hardest when they're trying to reach the top but tiger has seemed only more committed to improving his game since leaving the competition in the dust woods won his first masters by the largest margin in history in 1997 but he knew that he wouldn't reach jack nicholas mark of six green jackets without a jolt of his game so he spent the next 18 months literally retooling his thunderous swing and it goes on to give you more and more examples about that.

32:04Talks about Michael Jordan in here and compares him to Michael Jordan. But I want you to think about that in your own life, those of you listening to it. How hard did you work when you were totally broke? And now that you're not, do you have that same hunger and work ethic? How hard did you work to lose that first 20 pounds to get in pretty good shape? But are you working even harder now to get the ultimate health and vitality in your life? How hard did you work to get your spouse or your girlfriend or your boyfriend in your life? Are Are you working even harder now to love them more? Because that's what the dominators do.

32:37That's what self-discipline is.

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33:23When it comes to what your family eats and drinks, you know your choices matter. You're the expert because you know what fits your life. and getting it right starts with good information. That's why America's beverage companies are sharing more information about our ingredients at goodtoknowfacts.org. No spin, no judgments, just the facts straight from the experts for more than 140 beverage ingredients. Visit goodtoknowfacts.org. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest.

34:03So this is Eric Thomas, as you all know. And in my opinion, you guys know that I've been speaking for a long time. I think this is an anointed, gifted, incredible communicator. So we're both free now. But you talk a lot about how important routine is to getting you to freedom, right? So speak to routine a little bit because we both agree about this. You say it in a more powerful way than I do. But for someone listening to this, talk about routine. because if you want everyone wants to be free one of the challenges they act free before they are You know I mean like you there's a certain amount of disciplines and routine and habits and rituals You got to have that could get you free at one point talk about that for a second Yeah, I'm gonna say honestly man, you know I came to the realization one day and again love my biological father, you know much respect much respect for the person that raised me But I realized at some point when I looked at my family's history.

34:56I was like some things I don't want There's some things I want, but there's some things I don't want. And then I remember having to say one of the things to myself, like, yo, you are your father's child. Like, yo, even though he didn't raise you, even though in the beginning you guys had, you know, whatever little stuff y 'all need to get through, E, don't lie. You are lazy at times. You know what I'm saying? Like, E, you are super social and you'd rather talk than work. You know what I'm saying? I just had to grow up one day and just be real with myself and just say, E, the only way you're going to be successful is you've got to discipline yourself.

35:29You know, when you look at a horse, I'm talking about a thoroughbred, it still needs that, what is that thing called that they put on it? He still needs that. You know, you can't, you've got to control him. You know, he's got a lot of juice, got a lot of energy. He can go for it. But you've got to hone that. And so I realized, like, yo, E, you sleep in, you play video game, don't lie to yourself. You you are powerful, but you have some vices and you have some vices that take you down a crazy road Like you are your father. You are your grandfather. You are your mother You are your grandma like Israel and so I start saying okay You got a discipline you say this for me this ain't for everybody I start getting up at 3 o 'clock in the morning Like you know you have to get up a little bit earlier because you didn't finish school You didn't take care of your business So you can't get up the same time another man who gets up who handled his business?

36:19So you need to get up at 3 if you're gonna catch the greats. You got to get up at 3 You got to go to bed earlier. This is why I said I never drank or smoked because the men in my life who did it were Extremists had an uncle who died cirrhosis of the liver You know I had other uncles who drank and and my father bless his heart But he was strung out on drugs for about 14 years I was just like yo eat you can see that they don't know how to do it Casually like ain't social drinkers like ain't social on something. They taking it to a whole other level And so for me it was like you got discipline yourself.

36:52You're not gonna dive You never know what alcohol tastes like but if you taste it you might have the same experience there So you just got discipline yourself, you know I do vegan most of the time, you know, I'm saying and I tell people I love fried chicken I love macaroni and cheese. I love a lot of desserts, but in my family is diabetes So it's like yo if you do what they do then you're gonna get the results they got So you yeah chicken is good in macaroni cheese way my grandma make it is great And yes, the pound cake is phenomenal. But if you want to be with Didi for the next 30, 40 years, and you want to be able to walk, you know what I'm saying?

37:24You don't want to be on the cruise. I was just on a cruise, and a couple people was on a motor scooter, you know what I'm saying, people with the canes and the walkers. And I'm not mad at them, but I'm like, I don't want that. I want to be able to walk at 60, at 70. I want to be independent at 80 if I can be. So I'm going to have to make some sacrifices now for the long run. I would drink pop every day if I could. Is everybody hearing this, though? Like, I mean, listen, all of us want to win. Like you already said, like, I got to get up at three o 'clock and I'm going to catch the greats because I started with some deficiency.

37:54Successful people are very self-aware. Like they don't BS themselves. Right. Like I have laziness, too. I love laying around. I love sleep. No, but before I wouldn't have got to sleep here if I if I was just me, I had to get these rituals and habits and disciplines. And people think sometimes they listen to me and they were so intense. Like these dudes are freaks. I'm not a freak. But you know why they say that? Because it makes it easier for them to say, I can't do it if they freaks, then I can't do it. That's their out. You're exactly right. And I'm not going to give you that out. Neither are you.

38:27Like, I'm lazy. I got to get up early. I got to get up because if I don't get up by like, I get up at 435. But if I don't get up by then, I will be in bed at 8 o 'clock. I have to get up. I have to move my body. So I'm with you 100%. My guest is Monica Aldama, who you guys all know from Cheer. She's also got a new book out called Full Out. So Monica, thank you for being here. Thank you for having me. I have to make a confession. Before I watched the show, I didn't think cheer was a sport. I didn't. I'm looking at, you know, pom-poms and whatever I've seen in a movie before. And then I watched this.

38:58These are unbelievable athletes. Incredible. And the danger level of what you all do. So just quick education on cheer, but then we're going to get into like lessons on life and coaching and leading people in business too. But this, when did this change? Like, where have I been? All-star cheer is like this thing that sort of turned it, I guess, a little bit. Right. But like just if people haven't seen the show, explain to us how this is an absolutely very detailed sport. Yeah. I mean, cheerleading has definitely changed over the years, even from when I was, you know, a cheerleader myself. When I cheered in the late 80s and around that time, late 80s, early 90s, all-star cheerleading came about.

39:42and that really changed the industry in its entirety. We did competitive cheerleading in high school but it was on a much smaller level and what happened with All-Star Cheerleading we started seeing where these kids were trained from basically birth or really like three years old you could have an opportunity to compete and they so they created these opportunities for people to be coached by really great coaches because you know in school cheerleading a lot of times you have your science teacher that's the sponsor and and it really is not at there's no education behind it so there's no coach that's qualified to really get you to the next level uh for my for myself I did gymnastics until I was able to do school cheerleading so I think that's what a lot of people did they had a gymnastics background if they were interested in it but anyways it just it provided this platform where kids could come in and like grow from a very young age just like with club baseball you go and you start travel ball and you're playing at an elite level from an early age and all-star cheerleading also you compete many times throughout the year so your experience is just every single year you're gaining more and more experience so by the time you get to me at college I saw from the time I started and you know until now just the evolution of this and the talent was growing and these kids were coming more and more experienced And of course it made my job easier, but definitely all-star cheerleading changed everything about cheerleading and hopefully cheer changed everybody's opinion of it because it definitely competitive cheerleading is not your pom-poms and your sideline, you know, just trying to look cute.

41:29it's mind-blowing everybody if you haven't seen the show one the discipline level the athleticism and frankly the danger level of the precision of what they need to do and then it comes down to about two minutes and 15 seconds for the whole deal is just compelling the stories of the the way it's done it's so funny i have to tell you monica i'm a dude right i'm the way i found out about your show is i'm i'm golf and you're playing with dudes like hey did you see the laker game last night you see this you watch ozark on netflix you know and then over and over guys like have you seen cheer on Netflix?

41:59I'm like, what the hell are you cheer? And then they're like, bro, you need to see this. It's unbelievable. And you got to see this coach. And I'm like, finally about 11 or 12 different men on golf courses told me this. I'm like, I got to see it. And then it's one of these things like you're going to binge it. You can't, the stories of these precious kids that are there and Monica, it's just, it's awesome. So I just want to acknowledge the show. It's so, so good, But so is this book. And very rarely do you get someone who's won 14 national championships, write a book and say, let me show you about my formula, my recipe for leadership.

42:33And again, this applies as an entrepreneur for you one-on-one in your life. You as a parent, you're going to love this book, but I want to go to some of like, that's the foundation. Chapter one is called discipline as a gift. And then you talk about something called, so here we go, guys. There's like, if you're driving in the car, you wish you could pull over. you say you call it compassionate discipline and it's a perfect description of what I observed of you in your coaching style so just talk about that a little bit for a minute compassionate discipline and why it's a gift well you know I think discipline is a good thing and I think structure is a good thing and expectations and a lot of times you know people come from all different backgrounds and they don't really have those at home and those are the things that really can take you to the next level.

43:21And, but also being empathetic and being able to relate and make them feel like you care about them, because at the end of the day, people are going to go that extra mile when they feel appreciated and when they feel like you care. And so obviously I'm a mother. And so my perspective is how would I want someone to treat my child? How would I want not not only my child, but how would I want someone to speak to me? You know, and so I try to discipline with a mutual respect and I'm not a yeller. You know, I think a lot of people think of being tough and disciplined as yelling and you know, we see the typical football, you're in your face.

44:05And I like passion too. And we can have those moments of passion, but I think the biggest part is there needs to be a, there's a big learning curve when, when 18 year olds go to college and they're off on their own for their first time. And, um, they need the rules and they need to be held accountable, but they also need some understanding and some love. And I think it's just a great combination for people to want to listen and want to do better. And, uh, you know, yelling doesn't do it. You know, you have to have a combination of something else. You do that really well. I want to go a little deeper on it because I'm just thinking about different moments in the show where even in the season one, one of the first shows where the girl is going to be at the top of what I call the pyramid, hurts herself.

44:52And you're like, we're going to have to take her out and put someone else in. And these situations happen in business all the time. Most people avoid confrontation in life, even in their marriage. They'll let it stack and stack and stack. that you have this really interesting thing because you're firm and you're incredibly truthful, right? Very, very truthful. But yet you do do it in a loving way. Do you ever step back and if you have an emotion, like you're upset with them, do you ever let it breathe a minute before you communicate? Do you have anything you do? Because that's, to me, maybe your great strength.

45:24And the other one we're going to come up with in a minute is what this loving, very candid feedback though. Most people don't do either one of those things. Are you conscious of doing it that way? I mean, yes, I think so. Because I think if we, especially with coaching, if I am not direct, it can lead to confusion or expectations that are not real on their part. And I would want someone to be honest with me so that I, and even if it makes me upset, I mean, I can deal with it and I can move forward. If I'm constantly in a state of, well, maybe I, you know maybe I have a chance at this or maybe I'm you know I that's unfair I think to them you if you give them direct feedback and expectations and then it gives them very specific goals to work for know what they need to do if they you know don't make mad what do I need to do to make mad well to be honest you know this is where you're at and and uh you know I don't know I just would want someone to be honest with me and not let me sit there, you know, thinking that I have a chance at doing something when the reality is if I don't have this specific skill or, you know, if I'm not working on this particular thing, I'm not going to be able to get that spot.

46:41Also, it gives them a goal, like I said, to work for if they know that this is this is the one thing I'm missing. Let me go and put some time into that and work on it. But like I said, I really honestly have always come from a place of I want to have respectful conversations and speak to them in a way I would want to be spoken to, which is why I'm not a yeller. I don't want to feel like someone is being condescending or embarrassing me. I don't think embarrassing anyone. And of course, it happens at times because sometimes we're in a moment and you know, you're going to of be really direct at that moment.

47:17But for the most part, I think pulling people to the side and having these open, honest, direct conversations in a very loving way is that that's what's worked for me. And yes, sometimes I do need to take a moment. I don't know if you've seen season two, but you know, I'm like, you know, I need to walk outside because I don't have a good attitude right now. And it's going to probably spill over in, you know, how I start coaching in a minute. So I'm just going to go and like fix myself. But yeah, I think that, you know, it's, I feel like I earned their respect. And to me, honestly, the, the biggest thing of leadership, whether you're leading your family, your children or whatever is they have to respect you.

48:02And so I really work on myself a lot so that I'm earning that respect. It's interesting. You use that word a lot, use it with them. I was just thinking, I mean, I'm, I do these interviews. I get to share them with everybody, but a lot of times they're for me, you know, and I reflect on myself when I was early in my business career before I had kids, um, cause you're intense. Just so you guys know, this is an intense woman. You don't win 14 national championships. If you're not one crazy person, she's a crazy person. Just so you know, by the way, I think crazy is good. I love crazy people, weird, rich, and successful, normal, poor, and unsuccessful.

48:37So I liked it. You're crazy. I'm crazy. But when I, before I had kids, I think I had disrespectful conversations sometimes with people and something about having babies. I went, I would never want someone to speak to my son or my daughter that way. So you use that word respect a lot, both how you treat these young people and yourself. And a lot of times as a leader, when you've won a bunch of titles and you're the coach and they're a kid, it'd be easy to have a disrespectful tone. And as a business owner or an entrepreneur, same thing in business. I own this place. You work for me. It can come across as disrespectful.

49:06So I want to really highlight that part of it. And it's something that she does incredibly well. And it's how you galvanize a group. The other thing, the second thing I think you're incredible at is instilling belief in people and getting each of them to believe in themselves and getting them to believe as a collective team as well. Is that something you think about consciously and you're always sort of like embeddedly commanding belief into people? I think so for sure I think I'm careful with my words and it you know it comes with that championship culture you have to have everybody buy in not only to the program but to themselves as well because they are at such an elite level if they start doubting themselves you know it'll affect their performance but um you know I think our culture we I worked really hard in in having that culture and the athletes have always bought in and it makes my job a little bit easier because they are holding each other accountable on that as well but I definitely choose my words wisely and when there are in you know situations where we're going through something difficult or we're struggling or whatever I have to keep in mind that I'm the one they're looking to to know like if we're in a storm we're going to get out of the storm if we're having a tough day at practice it's okay because tomorrow's a new day and we're gonna we're gonna hit that pyramid or whatever whatever I mean we go through you know just struggling in practice or bigger things that are happening within the team or with different people so I always know that I have to be that support and that that calm within the storm and so I do choose my words wisely and I try to always keep it in a positive like we're gonna overcome this I mean you saw in season one when you know when Austin got hurt on the band show that's never happened before in my mind I was terrified I thought this is I don't know how we're gonna overcome this but I knew that everyone's looking at me and I was like oh we've got this it's y 'all did amazing like all all these positive things, you know, that I'm trying to, you know, it's not that big a deal.

51:24We have this, we've practiced this over and over. That's not what I was thinking in my head. I was going through, I was going through some stuff. No, that's one big thing as a leader is not showing hurt and showing, I call it equanimity, calm under duress and pressure, right? And it's just, these are the things you hear all the time and you go, yeah, but do you really do them? If you're listening to this, think about your family for a second. Your family has a culture. Are you conscious of it? Because a lot of times you bring the culture from the family you grew up in into your new family, unconsciously, your little things.

51:59Like if you weren't hugged a lot when you were a kid, maybe you don't hug your kids as much. You know, there's just, there's a cultural thing. How do you build a culture by the way? I know that's a broad question, but like, you know, is that something you start out? You go, I'm going to build something here special. Is it one of these things where you want people to feel special that they're at Navarro college, you put on our uniform. There's something special about being here. Is it, do you think about those things or is it just like the culture just becomes a reflection of the coach? I think it just becomes a reflection because I was very young when I started.

52:29I mean, I had zero experience. I mean, you were basically right out of college, right? For everybody's understanding. Yeah. And I had no intention of coaching ever. I have a business degree in finance and I honestly, my ultimate goal was to move to New York City and work on Wall Street. I thought for some reason, And I thought that was the ultimate goal that I should look towards. And but I was I graduated college early. So I was 21 when I graduated and moved to Dallas. I married my high school sweetheart. We moved to Dallas for a year and I was working at a computer company that I really not.

53:08It was just the first job offered to me to pay the bills, to figure out what we were going to do. And a friend of mine was the baseball coach at Navarro. and he called me one day and he was like, Hey, our cheerleading coach is leaving. You should come and apply for this job. And I was like, well, I don't know. I mean, um, it was, it was my, I grew up there. So I was like, I guess I could do that. I don't really, I really don't like what I'm doing right now. And it'll be a good stepping stone. Give me some time to figure out what I want to do. Uh, you know, so I applied for the job, no coaching experience at all.

53:46Like I said, I'd only been out of college for a year and got the job. And so I basically learned everything from trial and error and just studying my butt off because I was, you know, I got there and there were only 14 people on the team when I got there. And so, of course, they'd never won. They weren't not good. They were decent, you know, but they were not. Nobody knew who we were by any means. And so I'm very competitive. And I was like, you know, I want to build this program up. Like even if I'm here for a year or two, like I want to be the best because that's just if I'm, you know, playing a card game, I want to win every single time.

54:25That's that's just who I am. I'm competitive and I want to be the best at whatever I'm doing. So I started, you know, trying to learn and figure out how to do that. And I really just took everything that I learned in business because I thought, well, you know, to earn the ultimate respect, I need to win a national championship. that's what I need to do and how am I going to do that you know we have 14 people on the team so I just started you know I thought actually this is what I did I was like how do I win a national championship well I get the most points how do I get the most points well let me look at the score sheet I need to maximize my points in all of these categories how do I do that okay well this means we're going to need to get really good in all these categories so I kind of started you know from the goal and work backwards and tried to you know recruit people and at that time it was not I mean I literally was going into the weight room I see a big guy and I'm like hey would you be interested in coming and letting us teach you how to throw some yeah I mean because you know I mean cheerleading the the talent pool wasn't as big because it like I said it was right at the start of all-star cheerleading there weren't a lot of guys a lot of the guys that were involved really they got involved because their girlfriends were a cheerleader they played football they were like oh they started throwing some people around and figured and realized how you know it's kind of like addicting to what what well what else can I do and so um you know early on there just weren't a lot of males you know out there to recruit so we're just recruiting and really teaching uh the guys that you know I did actually have some boyfriends of the girls that that we taught and pulled into the team so um just started there and you know built um I didn't know So like I said, I didn't go in and go, oh, I'm going to build this championship culture.

56:10I was really just like, wait, what? I want to win. So let me start there. And then it just started kind of coming together. But I always knew like what kind of person I am. And I thought the most important thing, like I said from the beginning, was I need their respect and I need to make sure that I'm working on myself to earn that. And I want to make sure I'm living my life by leading by an example and doing what I expect them. So I really tried to make sure that in my own personal life, I was, you know, being a good person. And, you know, if I expect you to do this, I'm going to do it times a thousand.

56:46I'm going to I'm going to show you how to do it through my actions. And so because of that, the buy in was pretty quick. You know, I was these kids were buying in because they were like, I want to they wanted to make me proud. I mean, I've heard that. Yeah. And so I really think that that was how we started building this. I was doing my job by being a good leader and by being a good example. And they wanted to follow that example. Yeah, I think you said so much there. You know, the first thing that you said was about being competitive. Every single person that I've ever been around, they have a crazy competitive streak.

57:28It's this invisible thing. They're psychos. They're just different. They want to beat you at everything they do. And this is a telling lesson for you guys that are building a team because she has a whole chapter in the book on recruiting. And I think one of the things you should look for is competitive people. The second thing that she said there that just I want to make sure we unpack because I think great leaders are sort of aspirational people, meaning they want to live a certain way themselves. They aspire to be a certain way. And then when you're in their presence, whether it's a Tom Brady or a John Wooden or yourself for any great leader, you want to make them proud because you respect them.

58:04If you start connecting the dots of Monica's mindset, because a lot of times people just do things unconsciously very well. And but I like to unpack them. There's this respect thing both ways, which is then aspirational. And then if you get someone competitive, they want to make you more proud than other people are making you proud. And now you've got this thing you can't really describe, but it wins and it builds a culture. I wanted this guy on a long time. because his work is so unique, and we have a bunch of mutual friends who keep telling me how incredible he is. I expect him to prove that to all of us today.

58:37He is a prolific author, and I call him one of the great thought leaders of our time. We're going to have an amazing conversation today about you with him. Ryan Holiday, welcome to the show. Yeah, thanks for having me. The chapter of the book, by the way, the title of the book, rather, everybody, is Discipline is Destiny, the Power of Self-Control. You just got to get it. It's loaded, loaded. So this is a goofy question, but I want to finish with it. What actually is discipline? What is discipline to you? As I'm doing this series on the four virtues, I define courage as the willingness to put your ass on the line for what you believe in.

59:12I say discipline is the willingness to keep your ass in line, right? This is what I know I need to do. I'm going to do it. Wisdom is knowing what to do, right? Discipline is the willpower, the strength, the self-control, the self-mastery to do it. Seneca says, he is most powerful who is under his own power. That's what it is. It's not, hey, do I have control over other people? A lot of people have that, but do you have command, control over yourself? That's what discipline is. I love it. He says in the very beginning of the book that in order to master anything, you must first master yourself.

59:48And I believe that so strongly. And it sounds like you're creeping up on doing that, brother. I think you're doing that. And you helped me today. I know you helped millions of other people too. This episode is brought to you by Marshalls, where you never have to compromise between quality and price. The buyers of Marshalls hustle hard, working to bring you great deals on brand name and designer pieces, because Marshalls believes everyone deserves access to the good stuff. Visit a Marshalls store near you or shop online at marshalls.com.

1:00:47When did making plans get this complicated? That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Milet Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. The gentleman that I have on the show today has written a brand new book that I love. It's called Uncommon Leadership, 11 Ways Great Leaders Lead. In fact, I love it so much, I wrote the foreword. Ben Newman, welcome to the program. Ed, my brother, you know how much you mean to me and the opportunity to be with you. And I'm so grateful for you writing the foreword and just couldn't be any more excited to be with you and your listeners.

1:01:20All right, we talk about routines. How about an evening tip? So my routine is mainly morning focus. I'll be candid. I think sort of like you. I'm an early riser. I want to, if I can get to win that first part of my day, I feel like there's a high probability I'm going to win the middle, right? And probably the end. Are there things you do as your day winds down that you think are worthy of sharing with everybody here? So I'm going to rock the boat a little bit here on this one, but I think you might be on my side of the fence here. You know, if anybody really follows Ed, you see awesome memories with Bella.

1:01:53You see him inviting Bella and her friends. They're out on the boat. They're going to dinners. They're enjoying their favorite things. It's you and Max on the golf court. It's you and Christiana traveling together. So you believe that balance does exist. That would be my belief as I watch your behavior and as I love how you show up every day. Thank you. That's a great example for me it, it's something I've always believed. I actually have a bookend to my days. I don't have meetings at seven o 'clock at night, eight o 'clock at night, nine o 'clock at night, 10 o 'clock at night. Because if I do that and I never turn it off, my family doesn't get my time.

1:02:31There is no balance in my life. And I believe that you will not perform at your highest level. I think the world has been conditioned. I'm going to grind 36 hours a day and I'm just going to grind. I understand where that comes from, but I would offer this as an example or something, an opportunity, I should say, try actually giving your family, your unconditioned love and mindset. Now given my mind might wander, there's something, you know, we got a big game coming up or I'm working on, there's a big talk or something. So I may, sometimes my mind will wander and I'll take a note. I'm not perfect here, but I do my best to have a bookend.

1:03:09And so when I'm home, because I I travel as much as I do. My day's over at 530, no later. And I've done that for years. Now, in the event, there's something that does come up every now and again, but it's become a standard for me. I love to cook for the family. And it actually, for me, it slows me down. So at 530, if I start cooking, I'm relaxing. What does everybody want to eat? We enjoy a meal around on the table together, that makes us better. And so I get up early so that I don't have to work until seven or eight at night. So greatness takes sacrifice. You have to sacrifice something if you want balance.

1:03:50The easy way is to follow the lead. And I'm going to be a little bit direct here because I care that much about the people listening. People easily follow the lead of the person who has no discipline and has no balance because that's easier. Hey, I don't, I'll work out when I work out. I'll do it because they're not disciplined in their own lives. Yet, if you want to be disciplined and have others lead and be the example, you have got to make sacrifice somewhere. So for me, all the way back to when I was a financial advisor years ago, I had clients and I'm talking clients making a million dollars a year.

1:04:26And I used to meet people at the cigar club at the Ritz. And they would literally joke with me. I'm talking about people. They were huge clients. And they'd say, Ben, it's 5.15. I know you're leaving. You're about to get the bill. And so they would make fun of me, Ed, but they actually respected it. They respected it. They knew they're like, this guy literally is going home at 5.30. I could talk to him about something else for business, but he promised his family he was going to be home. And so I believe if you want balance, you have to build balance and believe that you can have it. I know it's a long-winded answer, but no, it's powerful because one Ben, Ben is up so early and trained so regimented that I think it's wonderful that you share your recuperation time, that you're not a robot.

1:05:09It took me years to start to read people say, I think you're Superman or a robot. You're not even human. And I'm like, no, no, no, no. Like I like Cheetos too, you know, and I like TV and I take time off. So I love that you share that number one, but number two, again, people will listen to go, Oh, Hey, hey, Ben Newman said I'm done at 530, so I'm done at 530. That's not what he said. What he actually said was he gets up extra early, makes that sacrifice where his day begins so much earlier than most people, gets so much done by 6 a.m. that he can have that for his family. He's eating it for his family at 4 o 'clock in the morning when he's getting up or whatever time he gets up that day so that he can have this.

1:05:46And so it's a tradeoff. I love how granular and detailed we're getting because it's one of the things that most people wouldn't know about you or me is that I do recuperate. I do rest. I show up present because of it. We're all human. And if we're just depleting ourselves all the time, we're not effective and eventually we'll burn out. Me and Ben been at this a long time, right? And one of the things longevity demands is some form of recuperation and separation from the grind, so to speak. That's how you do stuff 30 years. You can't do stuff 30, 20 years if you don't do that. I actually wake up at 224.

1:06:28And so the next level of everybody's success is a math problem. So this is the only reason why I'm stopping on this point. Look at the difference between four and 224. And I'm not condoning for anybody to do that. The reason why I get up that early is because that's how long my morning routine takes for me to wake up that early and to be done at 6 a.m. because that's when the kids wake up for me to be present, to get them ready for school, take them to school, watch TV, make them breakfast because I want to have that family time. So that's why I wake up that early. But the difference of, we'll just call it 2.30 to 4 is 90 minutes.

1:07:00Every 30 minutes, because everybody makes the excuse, I don't have time. And what I've learned is time and sacrifice. When I take them back, I win more. And so every 30 minutes times five days in a week is two and a half hours. four weeks in a month is 10 hours. 10 hours is a work day times 12 months in a year is an extra 12 days. So by waking up 30 minutes earlier, you get an extra 12 days a year. Me waking up the difference between four and two 30 is an extra 36 days. Most people work 18 to 20 days. So I'm working 14 months when most people are working 12 months. By the way, a key to, hey, I'd like to get up earlier is I recommend that you start in 15 minute increments weekly, right?

1:07:47So if you're a 630 waker, get up at 615 for a week, then get up at six, then get up and you'll find that it's much easier than going. We've all done that. I'm a 630. I'm getting up at four now. And you know, you're just gassed by two o 'clock every day and then you can't do it. So it's breaking it down over time. So let me ask you about this person listening right now, because you guys, now you're getting why I wanted Ben on and why I want you to have his book because we can go in so many different directions. But I'm listening today. I'm driving to my car. I'm on the treadmill. I'm watching it on YouTube.

1:08:15And I'm at a stage in my life where, you know what, you guys both have me really inspired right now. And I'm willing to make some sacrifices. But I'm in a slump and or I'm a little bit just as a loss like I relationship just ended or a business I had is not so good. Or you know, the last 18 months has sort of just hit me really, really hard. And I'd like to start again today. I know. And by the way, everybody, you can just start again today. I don't care if you've started 1100 different other times. You can start again. Right. You have my permission and Ben's permission. Start again. I don't care if you started again January 1st.

1:08:48You started again last summer. Start again. But if I'm starting again, where do I do, Ben? But if you're starting again, you have to start. You know, let's take let's take 75 hard as an example. Right. A lot of people, they think, oh, well, I tried it and I failed. You really only failed if you don't try again, right? If you just say, oh, I tried it, I'm never going to, and I'm not saying everybody has to do 75 hard, but my point is that's what happens. People try something once and they never try again. The failure of not trying again is actually worse than maybe the beer that you decided to drink with your friends and then you couldn't check the box and you missed 75 hard.

1:09:24And so to me, I think you bring up a great point. You have to have a willingness to start again. And so we actually, in the book, and I've been sharing this for 15 years, I call it a prize fighter day. And it breaks down what are the things that you need to do personally, professionally, and in your service to others every day. And when you do those things, you win. And we all know what those things are, but we choose to not do them. So if you're in a season of life where it's been challenging, to Ed's point, just like he believed in me and shared that, and now I put it in front of me every day.

1:09:58He just spoke that into you. Stop where you are and let's build right now for you. Stop. What do you need to do personally, professionally and of service? I need to eat right and I need to break a sweat, get a workout in. You don't have to train like Ed, but break a sweat. Number two, you may say in sales, when I perform at my highest level, I got to make, I call them points of contact rather than phone calls, text message, email, phone call. I got to make 20 points of contact. That's when I know I'm giving my best. Okay. That's your, your business, the service, which John wouldn't used to say, can't have a great day until you've done something for somebody else with no expectation or anything in return, do something for somebody else.

1:10:36So you mean to tell me that you can't wake up tomorrow, get a workout in eat, right, make the phone calls, text messages that you're supposed to make. That's going to make you successful and do something good for somebody. And so I think people have been conditioned in the world that when you fail, at least I tried. I think by not starting again, that's way worse than the falling short that you already experienced. Believe in yourself and go back to the attack because everything you need is already in you. God's given it to you, but you got to choose to take it. And sometimes he puts you through pain and failure and challenge because he recognizes you need to find your greatest strength.

1:11:13Oh my gosh, Ben. That's one of those replay it right there. Everybody rewind and listen to what he just said again. You said something about God there, which is amazing because as you were talking, I had this calling on my heart because you said about this book that you and I both love earlier. And I'm just curious for you how important faith has been in your life. And then also, is that a common trait in most of the leaders you know, that they have some faith, whatever that faith is, and that, you know, perhaps they're willing even to proclaim it. I'm just curious if that was any of the some of the things uncommon leaders have.

1:11:46Well, so here's what's actually pretty interesting. The book releases, and all of a sudden it shoots right to the top. It's the number one Christian leadership book, and it's actually maintained number one Christian leadership book. That's awesome. Since the book came out a week ago, it stays there. And the publisher didn't even select that as a category for the book. That's awesome. Amen. There are three chapters in the book that strongly reference the beliefs from a Christian-based platform that some of the leaders have, one of which is our dear friend John Gordon. John has actually mentored me since 2008.

1:12:27He led me to Christ. we're both born Jewish individuals that accepted Christ later on in life so we're Jews for Jesus that's why you like me because I'm duly protected you know you'll be all right and so there's this strong faith-based message but yes many leaders have it it's not a prerequisite for leadership but you do find that it's very common and those strong leaders even a Dabo Sweeney right who it's fun for John and I because he's worked with Dabo for 10 years I worked with coach Saban for four years. Now we go head to head, but Dabo doesn't hide his faith. You know, a lot of leaders there, they're comfortable that you don't have to agree with me, but I'm going to help you understand where I stand in life.

1:13:07And in the book, it definitely, it's there. And there's a prayer that John shared with me at the end of his chapter. You got to let people know where you stand. They don't have to agree with you, but as a leader, don't be fearful of letting people know where you stand. Oh my gosh. I believe that so strongly. And I'm so glad you said it the way you said it. And of course, you know that John's become a dear friend of mine. And I obviously, guys, what I feel like is if you do have faith, that it will help explain to people your moral and some of your standards that you live by. And at the same time, it's a way of defining who you are and what you believe in and what you stand for.

1:13:42There is a way to say, hey, this is what I believe in and not say it in a judgmental or preachy way. I'd like to think that I sort of nuanced that relatively well, that people know where I stand, yet I love everybody. believe in everybody, but I think you kind of know where I stand on stuff. And so I just want to encourage everybody. That's why I asked Ben the question. How often when you speak, and look, when you and I go to speak oftentimes, right, as much as we'd like to say, this is where I stand, sometimes it's in our contracts, no politics, no religion. How many times do people still come up to you and say, are you a man of faith, Ed?

1:14:16All the time. Almost, I would say almost every single time. And that's to your point that you just expressed, is that you believe it in such a way that you show up with this conviction. You don't have to say, I'm blessed. You don't have to read a Bible verse. People know it's in your heart. They know it's in my heart. And the other thing I want to share with everyone listening to this, if I'm an example of one thing, it's that God uses flawed people. And I think Ben would raise his hand and say this as well, that I think you all need to know that I make mistakes every day. So does Ben. I'm a sinner saved by the grace of God, by the way, everybody.

1:14:52And I just want you to not think that because you're not perfect that you can't win. Because if you make mistakes, you can't win. I think oftentimes people think this mistake, this decision, this judgment, this thought I have just qualifies me for being successful. I'm going to be punished with failure because I'm human. Nothing could be further from the truth.

1:15:13You're a human being who makes mistakes, but having a faith that allows you to reflect and maybe even repent to some extent or grow in it is a wonderful experience to have when you do make those mistakes is what I would say to everybody. Tim Grover, welcome back to the show, brother. Thank you so much. One of the things I told Tim before the interview, this Relentless and his program, his Relentless program as well, I was telling him before the interview on this topic, we just were, there's so many of you that have children that are at that teenage years and they're thinking about their sport or college or the rest of their life.

1:15:45I so strongly believe the sooner in life someone begins to learn to think like this, the easier it is to develop those habits. And so at the end, when we promote this or even Tim's book and his program, really encourage you to get your children at the right age involved in this and learning to think like this earlier in life. Their lives will be so much better earlier if they learn to think this way, as opposed to the way the world's teaching them to think right now. So I want to make sure that I've told you that. In just a few minutes, we're going to tell you how you can get access to his program.

1:16:12We're getting, you know, I keep saying it, but we're getting too soft. Everyone talks about, you know, nobody moves anymore. We're getting unhealthy. Listen, we have access to some of the healthiest foods, all the diets out there, all the knowledge. There's more gyms opening now than ever before. And why is the obesity rate going up? You have the knowledge. You know, you know, hey, if I eat this, this is what's going to happen. If I eat this, this is not going to happen. But people want to make excuses. You know, I got a slow metabolism rate. I'm big boned at all. No, you're eating too much. All right, let's stop making excuses.

1:16:50All right, there are people out there that do have those conditions. Sure. Okay, we overcomplicate things. Move more, eat less equals weight loss. There you go. Yeah, and I'm pretty sure most people's bones aren't much bigger than other people's bones. They're not. That's just, yeah. They're not. You know what I mean? That's one of these things people say that's completely nonsense. Your bones are not bigger than my bones. Yeah. But it's an excuse. They've heard that. They've heard that somewhere. Yeah, I can't lose. I can't lose the weight because of that. It's the same thing. You know, when you're competing at something, it's not.

1:17:23Why was Michael and Kobe who they were? Tom Brady, Dwayne Wade, Wayne Gretzky, Muhammad Ali, Floyd Mayweather, all these guys. Not because of their physical gifts. Yes, that had a lot to do with it. it's up in here. It's up in here and we can all, listen, we're not going to learn to fight like Floyd. We're not going to learn to play basketball like Michael. We're not going to be able to do these things, but you can all think that way in whatever you're doing. You can all take that action. You can be that cleaner in whatever you want to do. It starts and ends up here. It's time to recharge this and reboot this.

1:18:06Is there a difference at all? I'm just curious because you work with both of them just a sports thing you indulge me what is the difference between Kobe and Jordan was there a difference in the two because there's tons of similarities is there a difference in the two I always say this Kobe worked out harder Michael worked out smarter is that right yes with they both they were extremely hard but Michael was always Michael was always smart Kobe was it was this constant push push push push and we had to kind of even when you reel them in okay you get a call it you get a call at 3 a.m. in the morning he said what are you doing it's 3 a.m.

1:18:43I'm sleeping that's what you should be doing right let's go back to the gym really all right and I'm like no it's really not a good idea well here's the thing even if I tell him it's not a good idea I still got to go to the gym because he's gonna show up at the gym no kidding yeah he's gonna he's gonna freak he's gonna he's gonna show up at the gym were they the two hardest workers yes you know your most successful individuals, it doesn't happen by accident. It doesn't. You listen, there's a lot of talented people that succeed at nothing, at absolutely nothing. Now, when you have that individual that's talented, you have that individual that knows how to work hard, all right, and they have the intelligence, okay, and this is key.

1:19:28This is key because this is what's missing now with individuals. You have the talent. You have the intelligence. You know how to compete. You don't have the resiliency. The resiliency. You don't have that. When failure comes kicking your ass, you crumble and you fold. You crumble, you've got to have that resiliency over and over again. but at some point that resiliency has got to turn into something all right you know people talk about all time oh you build so much character from losing and you know from failure and all that listen at this point in my life yeah I got enough fucking I've had enough losing yeah me too I've learned more from my wins you always learn more from your wins you're cool see here's the thing you cannot say this.

1:20:26All right. A cleaner never calls himself a cleaner. And you know why a cleaner never calls himself a cleaner? Because he's never satisfied. Another individual can call themselves a cleaner. That statement you just made tells me right now, don't let this go. You are a cleaner. You'll never admit it. Your wife will never admit it. Okay. But somebody else can say, when they see that, he's a cleaner. But you're never going to be satisfied. You're never going to be satisfied. It honestly doesn't feel like it, right? It just honestly doesn't. And it never will. It never will. Because guess what? When it does, you're no longer a cleaner.

1:21:01You're a closer. Right, you move backwards, right? You move backwards. You're not willing to go through the next wall. Right. And it happens. You get a lot of individuals that make that stage. They go from closers to cleaners. And they just, it's too intense. Yeah. I watch it all the time, man. It's too intense. And you see them, you see them go back. You do. You do. You see them go back. Like, listen, you're built a certain way. Okay? You work out to have this physique. I work out to look this way. Okay? Your wife, everybody else does. What happens if you stop? We know. It goes. You got it. Your body goes back.

1:21:39You don't have those arms. You don't have those shoulders. You don't have those guns. You don't no longer have that waist. Your body wants to always convert back to being comfortable. So true, man. okay so true and we say this all the time you gotta get you have to be comfortable being uncomfortable being uncomfortable you said something in the book we'll go through a couple bullet points because I you said something about the hard work let's read something to you said here because I just really believe I believe all of this but he said he knew his skills were so finely tuned that he could dominate any situation you're talking about Jordan mm-hmm he works so hard and long that his his body and his mind this is the word reflexively knew what to do at all times with Michael everything became automatic he repeated those same movements over and over until he didn't have to think about anything he only had to let those instincts take over so what I see in like professional business people is the more they've repeated these whether it's their phone call or their script or their clothes over and over when pressure hits they can act reflexively correct and their instincts take over yes and your average person has not put in that background work and So when pressure hits, they flinch, they miss, they stutter, they stammer.

1:22:51It's not reflexive to them, right? Correct. So one of the big differences is their ability to get to, it's an automatic reflexive process through the work, right? Yes. You know what? Your greatest athletes, all right? Your greatest business people, all right? Your most successful individuals and whatever they do, I'm talking about teenagers, teachers or whatever, okay? You know what to them thinking is? Thinking is a distraction. Wow. thinking is a distraction they're so finely tuned everything becomes is no longer reaction it's a reflex all right so when they're actually thinking about something they're actually not on their game you're right you're right okay yeah they're not on that they're not on the they're not on their game if you have to think about this movement you got to think about this you got to think about what you do know when something happens it's like but in order to get that stay You know how many years and years of preparation it takes not to be able to think?

1:23:51And you hear this about all the time in athletes or kids. Just go up to the plate. Don't think. Just swing the bat. Okay? Just shoot the ball. No, it doesn't work like that. That's years and years. That only works if you've got the 25 ,000 hours of the working, right? Exactly. For those of you that are getting into a business or you're in a business, you're already good. You can't work enough. You can't get so good at your craft. The more and more reps you do, the more reflexive something becomes under pressure. and the more you train people over and over and over again so that when they're under pressure, they react reflexively too.

1:24:19That's how you build a team, right? Yeah. It's just like, all right, I'm going to give a little example here. I don't know how long we've been going for. Everyone's driven in a car. I mean, you got a passenger next to you. So let's say you're driving, okay, and you have a family member sitting next to you, all right, and all of a sudden you hit the brakes. What's the first thing you do? Reach over and protect the person next to you. Yeah. You don't think about it. Yep. But that's what cleaners do. That's cleaner. Okay. In business and anything they do. Exactly. What's a closer is going to do? A closer is going to hit the brake and then he's going to look over to the person.

1:24:52Are you okay? Yes. No. They already know they're going to be okay. I got to make sure everybody else is okay. Oh, that's awesome. I got to take care of that person. How good was that? I'm so excited because today is really about changing your life. And if I could just define today, it's about changing your life. In fact, if I could define my whole program, it's about changing your life. And today we get to get right into the heart of it with a man who's done that in his own life, comes from a remarkable family, NFL football player, incredible motivational speaker. Sam Acho, welcome to the show, brother.

1:25:23I'm so glad to be here, Ed. Thank you. So good to have you. A couple other questions I want to say before we even move off the first darn chapter is, you talk about, you said in the book, you said, this book at its core, I'm quoting from it, is about taking things that are broken, systems, situations, people, culture, like what we've saw in 2020, systematic things in our world. And you say, and working towards making them whole. Sometimes brokenness is on the outside, cities, countries, and communities in which we live, work, and play. Other times that brokenness is within. And until we address the things that break our hearts, the things that bring us pain, we won't be able to do what we were put on this earth to do?

1:26:03And you ask, what breaks your heart? And then you go into some other questions. That's not normal in a dream book. Why do you have that in there? Because this is not a dream book. This is a overcoming book, overcoming the obstacles on the outside, but also overcoming ourselves. Before you make any kind of change, we could use that word. You can say progress, whatever word you want to use. You need to address the insecurities within you and the brokenness within you. And sometimes that brokenness came from people close to you. Maybe it's family members. Maybe it's like a dad who was present or wasn't present.

1:26:39Maybe it was a mom who was there. Maybe it wasn't there. Maybe it was siblings. Maybe it was something that happened as a child. And all of a sudden, like your worth that God gave you, that inherent worth, like, you know, like I remember like when Jesus gets baptized, like heavens open up. This is my son in whom I'm well pleased. There's another verse in Matthew 18 or so where they're giving an example about paying taxes and all the things. And they're asking Jesus, like, should we pay? Should we not? And he's like, essentially, he's like, man, the sons are free. Like, y 'all are good. But we're still going to pay.

1:27:06But it's like, I'm God's child. I have inherent worth and value. And somewhere down the line, I set that aside. And I started to believe a lie. The lie that either I wasn't enough or wasn't good enough or wasn't smart enough or I was too much. and God said, nope, you are who I made you, but I need you to like set aside the lie and pick up the truth. And so this is not a dream. Oh, you know, dream, all these dreams come true. No, this is a, hey, it's gonna, that's why this book was hard for me to write. It was hard, like it was hard. My first book, I'm not saying it was easy, but the words flowed out of my heart.

1:27:45This one was very challenging because I have to address some of the stuff inside of me. The subtitle, following your fire to heal a broken world. I talk about, man, that God-given fire, sometimes it gets put out. How do we reignite that match? And so life is hard. And dreams are real. And if we want to go and live out those dreams or even find them again, we have to go back to those places and address those broken pieces inside of us. There's a story. I don't remember the verse right now. I'm telling you, man, there's a story in the Bible about the potter. and it's like this dude, he's making this pottery and the potter messes it up.

1:28:25And you think, oh no, I'm done, I'm screwed. This is horrible. And then it goes on to say, well, the potter, as he slips and messes up the clay, he makes it into something different that was pleasing to him. So it's like, dude, I messed up. It's like, no dude, God still wants to, not even can or will, he wants to use you. And oh, by the way, it brings him great joy and delight. I think he likes to use some of your things that you think disqualify you bingo So and you talk about this in the book and I'll be honest with you. I'm reading the book gone man Because I'll give you a quick example and then I'll let you talk about it My dad was an alcoholic and got sober when I was 15 years old stayed sober the rest of my life So one of the reasons I believe so deeply a humans can change their life.

1:29:11I watched my hero do it right and and not too long ago, I woke up in the middle of the night. I'd written my book about my dad and the power of one more, and I woke up crying, and my wife's known me since we were little kids. She goes, what's wrong? I said, someone helped daddy, and she went, what? I said, someone helped my dad. I never thought about this before. Some precious human being helped my dad in the lowest moment of his life. He was either going to take his life or lose his family. I don't even know where it happened, a bar, an alley somewhere. someone helped my dad get sober. And she goes, that's incredible.

1:29:48And I said, that person has no idea that they did something great with their life. The ripple effect is, I'm his son. I've reached millions of people. They probably have no idea. The more amazing thing is what qualified this person to help my dad. They were an alcoholic at one time. They were a drug addict. They were a liar. They lived in the shadows. God repurposed their mess and actually use the things they were the most ashamed of to change other people's lives and change their life. So oftentimes what we do, you're right, this worth gets stripped away and then we start using our mistakes or our failures or our averageness even as like these disqualifiers from our future when the reverse is actually true, right?

1:30:32Isn't that the case? That is 100 % the case. There's a point in my book, and I'm saying this because I just found this out. I talk about this lady, this older woman named Cindy, like 80, 70-year-old, 60-year-old woman, and how in the book, and this is, like, it's great, but I didn't know this until now. So I talk about, man, she had a friend, and her friend, a white woman grew up in Houston, and kind of like race and things, and different water fountains. And she had a friend who essentially, like, Cindy's working on learning more about race and George Floyd. And she has this friend, and this friend's like, oh, I don't like black people and this and that.

1:31:07Like, it was like, you know, she's like old school thinking. and Cindy stood up to her and said something and I wrote in the book and that's sometimes the cost of change. And I was like, maybe Cindy lost a friend that day. I don't know if she did or didn't. Well, I sent her a copy of my book and she read it obviously and I told her about that section and she said, hey Sam, thank you so much for writing this but this story actually does have a happy ending because my friend, after that conversation, we stayed in touch and all of a sudden she's learning more about people who look different than her or who think differently.

1:31:37and now all of a sudden because of me like saying something and saying hey let's actually learn now her story is changing you know it's about her kids and her grandkids her great-grandkids and so this idea of our mess even i go back to my friend doing stuff on tv like i was i was hurt by hearing this guy who was my teammate say man why would you say that and but he confronted me and i get a chance to go in and i said i was going watching did i say it or not but even go and say hey let's talk about this because I don't ever want to be that kind of person. I don't want that to be. And if it is, I'm sorry and I apologize.

1:32:09But it's almost this deal of places where we're afraid or we feel broken. God wants to use for his glory. Well, you literally say, I'll let you finish this sentence. Everyone, I want you to hear this. This is going to go viral, this sentence right here because no one phrases things this way. You are the answer to someone's prayers. come on you are you are your your action your movement your discernment your touch your platform is what someone has been waiting for and you have no idea yes you have no idea that dream that you have that you've been a little bit timid about and trepidation, there are people on the other side of those dreams.

1:33:05Yeah. Like your dad. That's exactly the example I'm thinking of. I'm telling you, man. Your dad, he didn't want to be an alcoholic, but there was someone who said, you know what, I'm going to go talk to this guy. That person was an answer literally to my prayers as his son. Literally. I'm reading your book and I was getting emotional. One, there's actionable things. At my age now, in my experience, I put things through my, do I believe that meter? Do you know what I mean? Yes. I'm 51. And everything I'm reading, I'm like, that's right. That's right. That's a way better way to say it. I've never heard that before.

1:33:41That person, and by the way, I know who they are now. Ironically, I can't say his last name because it's an anonymous program, but I'll just say something interesting. My name's Ed. My dad's name's Ed. My grandfather's name's Ed. And the person who helped my dad get sober, his name is Ed. That's not a very common name anymore, right? and so I actually know who this person was. This is the Ed Myland Show.