3 Steps to Master Your Craft and Make More Money | Ed Mylett

22:01James Clear:Am I getting better? Is the arrow pointed up and to the right or have we flatlined? Am I getting 1 % better or 1 % worse? Because if you're on a good trajectory, all you need is time, right? If you have good habits, time becomes your ally. You just need to let time work for you. But if you have bad habits, time becomes your enemy. And every day that clicks by, you kind of dig the hole a little bit deeper. And so it's very much at the core. It's about encouraging you to focus on trajectory rather than position. How did you get to 37.78 times better? Like where'd that ratio number come from? Yeah, yeah.

22:32James Clear:It's just math, right? So if you get 1 % better each day for a year, so 1.01 to the 365th power, then it gets 37 times better by the end of the year. If you get 1 % worse, 0.99 to the 365th power, then you drive yourself almost all the way down to zero. Now, look, real life is not exactly like a mathematical equation. Your habits are not exactly like this formula. But I do think that it highlights an important concept, which is the difference between making a choice that's 1 % better or 1 % worse on any given day is relatively insignificant. It's very easy to dismiss. And this is, I think, one of the things that makes it underappreciated or underestimated.

23:15James Clear:You know, like, what is the difference between eating a burger and fries for lunch today or eating a salad or, you know, going to the gym for 30 minutes or not? Well, on any given day, not a whole lot. You know, your body looks the same in the mirror at the end of the night. Scale hasn't really changed. It's only two or five or 10 years later that you turn around. You're like, oh, you know, those daily choices really do add up. And I think you see this pattern again and again throughout life. Like take knowledge, for example, the person who always reads for an extra 10 minutes each day. Well, look, reading for 10 minutes a day does not make you a genius, right?

23:50James Clear:It's very easy to dismiss. But the person who always does that over 5 or 10 or 20 years, yeah, really meaningful difference in wisdom and insight. Productivity is the same way. You know, like the person who gets one extra task done each day. Doing one extra thing does not make you an all-star. But again, over a 10 or 20 or 30-year career, that can be a really meaningful difference in output. it. So this pattern shows up again and again, what starts out small, relatively easy to dismiss compounds or turns into something much more significant over time. The biggest word, bro. I don't think most people take into account, you and I are both college baseball players, good ones, but neither one of us were, you know, surefire first round draft pick major league players.

24:28And I think most people don't take into account and they're like the compound effect. I don't think they understand it in money. I don't think they understand it in their bodies, both positive and negative. And I don't think they understand their identity or in just in habits, the compound effect in life of allowing small things to stack up over time has a multiplier effect. And one of the things that I feel like in your work, and by the way, your work is, I'm all, we're a few minutes in here and I'm like, this is so good. And the reason is, is one, I believe most people believe they can get 1 % better every day.

24:59I don't think most people believe that they can completely transform everything in one big leap. I think there's a multiplier though. Do you agree that between doing the right things 1 % or just better habitually every single day, not only are you actually making deposits of doing things correctly or better, but there's a part of your identity that starts to change over time about how you view yourself, that I am that guy who doesn't eat the hamburger and fries when he can choose to eat the other one. You stack those choices and behaviors up over time and you start sort of believing maybe you deserve something that you didn't deserve prior.

25:31Isn't there a factor of that, don't you think, as well?

25:33James Clear:This is a huge part of kind of my philosophy and book, this idea of what I call identity-based habits. But essentially, the concept is, and I think this is the real reason that habits matter. The surface level reason that habits matter is they help you be more productive, they help you make more money, they help you lose weight and get fit. And look, habits can do all those things. And that's great. But I think the deeper reason that they matter is that every action you take is like a vote for the type of person you wish to become. And so when you perform these small habits, when you take these little actions, you're casting votes for a certain aspect of your story or a certain element of your identity.

26:11James Clear:In a sense, every time you perform a habit, that's how you like embody that aspect of your identity. So, you know, when you make your bed in the morning, you embody the identity of someone who's clean and organized. Or if you write one sentence, you embody the identity of someone who is a writer. And this is why it can be valuable, you know, even to like do one pushup. It's like, no, that does not transform your body, but it does cast a vote for I'm the type of person who doesn't miss workouts. And eventually, as you build up evidence of that story, as you start to cast more votes for that identity, you have like actual proof to believe this, right?

26:47James Clear:This is, I think is a little bit different than you'll often hear something like fake it till you make it. And I don't necessarily have anything wrong with fake it till you make it. It's asking you to believe something positive about yourself, but it's asking you to believe something positive without having evidence for it. And we have a word for beliefs that don't have evidence. We call that delusion, right? Like at some point, your brain doesn't like this mismatch between what you say you are and what you're actually doing. And so my argument is to let the behavior lead the way to start by meditating for one minute or doing one pushup or writing one sentence and letting that be undeniable proof that in that moment, you were a meditator or an athlete or a writer or whatever it is.

27:29James Clear:And ultimately, I think this is the real value that habits provide, which is they reinforce your desired identity. Boy, it's just so good, brother. So good. I don't know why I'm just meeting you now because our overall belief system about change is so very, very similar. And we're going to talk about how to actually begin to establish habits. But before we do that, I want to talk about the concept of establishing one, because you said something about the one pushup reading or listening to something you're talking about, but the guy who would go to the gym for just five minutes and work out. And you said something about this casting the vote for who you want to be or who you're going to be.

28:06That was powerful. Right. But you're saying before a habit can be, and I don't want to quote you incorrectly, but I want you to elaborate on it because this is profound to me. I mean, it's obvious, but if you, if you don't step back can get away from it and look at it, you just really don't realize the truth of it. Before a habit can be improved, it has to actually be established. And I think what happens is you tell me what you think. Beginning of the year, I'm going to lose 50 pounds. I'm going to do this. I'm going to eat five minutes. I'm going to starve myself to 500 calories. So it's not a 1 % improvement or I want to get up earlier.

28:39I'm going to get up two hours earlier starting tomorrow instead of get up 15 minutes earlier, right? Get up a minute earlier. So talk about that from a, just the, the concept for everyone to just, they can take control of their life right now by just the establishment of a habit, right? Or, or right.

28:59James Clear:Yeah, definitely. Right. I, um, so one of the concepts I talk about in the book is this, one of the strategies is this idea of what I call the two minute rule, where I encourage people to build a habit that takes two minutes or less to do. So you take whatever you're trying to do, read 30 books a year, becomes read one page or do yoga four days a week becomes take out my yoga mat. And sometimes when I mentioned that idea, people resist a little bit because they're like, okay, buddy, you know, I know the real goal isn't just to take my yoga mat out. I know I'm actually trying to do the workout.

29:30James Clear:So if this is some kind of mental trick, then like, why would I fall for it? basically. Well, I tell the story of, of this guy, Mitch, that you mentioned this guy who I met, I talk about him in atomic habits. He went to the gym. He's lost over a hundred pounds, kept it off for more than a decade. And when he first started going to the gym, he wouldn't stay for five, longer than five minutes. He had this little rule. He had to leave after five minutes. So you get in the car, drive to the gym, get out, do half an exercise, get back in the car, drive home. And it sounds ridiculous, right? It sounds silly.

29:59James Clear:You're like, Obviously, he's not going to get the guy the results that he wants. But if you take a step back, you realize that he was mastering the art of showing up. He was becoming the type of person that went to the gym four days a week, even if it was only for five minutes. And this gets us to that deeper truth about habits that you just mentioned, this idea that a habit must be established before it can be improved. It has to become the standard in your life before you can optimize it and scale it up into something more. And, you know, I don't know why we do this. like we get very all or nothing about our habits.

30:31James Clear:We're like, we're so focused on finding the perfect business idea or the best workout program or the ideal diet plan that we spend all our time theorizing and researching and looking for a better way. And instead, if we could just master the art of showing up, even if in the beginning, it was less than what you had hoped to do, you're establishing a foothold. You're building some small progress that you can advance off of. and it reminds me of ed latimore has that great quote where he says the heaviest weight at the gym is the front door and man there are a lot of things in life that are like that you know like the the hardest part is getting started the hardest part is establishing the routine even if it's a lower level baseline the way you ultimately hope to achieve but the reality is if you can't become the type of person who masters the art of showing up even if it's just for five minutes then it doesn't matter how good the plan is it doesn't matter how great your theory is and And so I think the two-minute rule pushes back on that perfectionist tendency a little bit and just encourages you to master the art of showing up.

31:31That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow The Ed Milet Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest. Welcome back to Max Out with Ed Milet. I got him. I got ET. Hey. We're in the building, man. We've been so glad to have you here. Thank you so much. Beautiful home, man. Thank you. Thank you for family, man. I feel I don't do a lot of this. So those who know me know I probably have done two, three podcasts. Yeah. Well, wow. So this is special. And as good as it is to have you here, it's better to have Didi, your wife here with you.

32:07Figuring it all out. Yeah. No question. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. So this is Eric Thomas, as you all know. And in my opinion, you guys know that I've been speaking for a long time. I think this is an anointed, gifted, incredible communicator because it comes from your heart you just you're outstanding so for someone listening to this talk about routine because if you want everyone wants to be free one of the challenges they act free before they are you know i mean like you there's a certain amount of disciplines and routine and habits and rituals you got to have that could get you free at one point talk about that for a second yeah i'm gonna say honestly man you know i came to the realization one day and again love my biological father you know much respect much respect for the person that raised me but I realized at some point when I looked at my family's history I was like some things I don't want and some things I want but there's some things I don't want and then I remember having to say one of the myself I yo you are your father's child like yo even though you didn't he didn't raise you even though in the beginning you guys had you know whatever little stuff you need to get through eat don't lie you are lazy at times you know I'm like eat you are super social and you'd rather talk than work you know i'm saying i just had to grow up one day just be real myself and just say the only way you're going to be successful is you got to discipline yourself you know when you look at uh when you look at a horse i'm talking about a thoroughbred it still needs that what is that thing called that they put on it it's still he needs that without you know you can't you you got to control him you know he got a lot of juice got a lot of energy he can go for but you gotta you gotta hone that yeah and so i realized like yo e you sleep in you play video game don't lie to yourself you you are powerful but you have some vices and you have some vices that take you down a crazy road like you are your father you are your grandfather you are your mother you are your grandma like it's real and so i started saying okay e you got to discipline yourself and this for me this ain't for everybody i start getting up at three o 'clock in the morning.

34:09It was like, yo, you're going to have to get up a little bit earlier because you didn't finish school. You didn't take care of your business. So you can't get up the same time another man who gets up, who handled his business. So you need to get up at three. If you're going to catch the greats, you got to get up at three. You got to go to bed earlier. This is why I said I never drank or smoked because the men in my life who did it were extremists. Had an uncle who died, cirrhosis of the liver. You know, I had other uncles who drank and my father, bless his heart, but he was strung out on drugs for about 14 years.

34:39And I was just like, yo, E, you can see that they don't know how to do it casually. Like, they ain't social drinkers. Like, they ain't social on something. They taking it to a whole other level. And so for me, it was like, E, you got to discipline yourself. You're not going to die if you never know what alcohol tastes like. But if you taste it, you might have the same experience they had. So you just got to discipline yourself. You know, I do vegan most of the time. You know what I'm saying? And I tell people all the time, I love fried chicken. I love macaroni and cheese. I love a lot of desserts.

35:05but in my family is diabetes so it's like yo if you do what they do then you're gonna get the results they got so you yeah chicken is good and macaroni cheese the way my grandma make it is great and yes the pound cake is phenomenal but if you want to be with Didi for the next 30 40 years you want to be able to walk you know I'm saying you don't want to be on the cruise I'm just on the cruise and they a couple people you know was on the motor scooter you know I'm saying people with the canes and the walkers and I'm not mad at them but I'm like I don't want that I want to be able to walk at 60, at 70.

35:35I want to be independent at 80 if I can be. So I'm going to have to make some sacrifices now for the long run. I would drink pop every day if I could. Is everybody hearing this though? Like, I mean, listen, all of us want to win. Like you already said, like, I got to get up at three o 'clock and if I'm going to catch the greats, because I started with some deficiency. Successful people are very self-aware. Like they don't BS themselves, right? Like I have laziness too absolutely i love laying around i love sleep right no but before i wouldn't have got to sleep here if i if i was just me i had to get these rituals and habits and disciplines and people think sometimes they listen to me and they were so intense like these dudes are freaks i'm not a freak no but you know why i said that because it makes it easier for them to say i can't do it if they freaks then i can't do that's they're out you're exactly right and i'm not gonna give you that out neither are you like i'm lazy i gotta get up early i gotta get up because if I don't get up by like, I get up at 435, but if I don't get up by then, I will be in bed at eight o 'clock.

36:33I have to get up. I have to move my body. So I'm with you a hundred percent. Guys, let me tell you something. Factors made a big difference in my life. Just talking to one of my producers. He says, I just ordered with factor. Why? He's got big goals. Just like you and I do. Factor makes healthy eating easy with fully prepared meals designed by dietitians and crafted by chefs. Let me tell you something. Super nutritious food prepared by a chef. That's what we're talking about here. No matter what your nutrition plan is, they've got a meal for you. No refined sugars, no artificial sweeteners, none of that weird seed oil stuff.

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37:42They're calling this a battle for the fans. What do you say to that, Rumi? It's not a battle. So glad the Saja Boys could take breakfast and give our meal the rest of the day.

37:51Alan Stein Jr.:It is an honor to share. No, it's our honor.

37:55Jim Kwik:It is our larger honor. No, really. Stop. You can really feel the respect in this battle. Pick a meal to pick a side. I participate in McDonald's while supplies last. Before we start the interview with my next guest, just want to remind you all that you can subscribe to the show on YouTube or follow the show on Apple or Spotify. We have all the links in our show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now on with the show. Welcome back, everybody. I wanted to have Alan on our show for a long time. I was just telling him this off camera. I wanted to have him on because he's got a really unique perspective and an upfront view to some of the key performers in the NBA for many, many years.

38:34And he's taken the lessons he's learned from these high performers and he's distilled it down into information that everybody can use as an entrepreneur, as a father, as a mother, as just a human being. and he communicates it in a very unique way. We're going to go very deep today on performance, on your game. His first book I read, which is called Raise Your Game. The book that's out now is called Sustain Your Game, High Performance Keys to Manage Stress, Avoid Stagnation, and Beat Burnout. I think everybody listening to this needs some help right now in the world with stress, stagnation, and burnout.

39:08So, Alan Stein, welcome to the show, bro.

39:10Alan Stein Jr.:Oh, man, it's so awesome to be here. My pleasure. Finally, man. You know what I want to start out? I want to start out with Kobe Bryant. Yes. So Alan's work with everybody from people like Kobe to Kevin Durant to Steph Curry and many, many companies and business leaders as well. But you tell this great story. I think it's around a Nike camp or something like that with Kobe Bryant that just blew my mind and I think just personifies greatness and high standards. So tell us that story. Sure. Well, I mean, it absolutely changed my life. So I had a chance to meet Kobe in 2007. it was the first ever nike skills academy and they were building a series of camps around their signature players who of course at that time kobe bryan was atop of that mountain and flew out to los angeles here la la land to work that event and i had a chance to watch one of his really early morning workouts which for those legendary absolutely legendary and for folks that are familiar those have a start time of 4 a.m um and you know and of course the most impressive part of that is you're talking about a guy that had already reached the mountaintop.

40:07Alan Stein Jr.:You know, he's already a surefire hall of famer, multimillionaire, 10 times over, NBA champion, MVP. I mean, and he's still up in the off season, putting in that type of work. And, and I remember being as a younger coach, being shocked at the simplicity of what he was doing. I mean, he spent the first 30 minutes without even having a ball in his hands. He was doing basic pivoting drills and footwork drills. And his workout lasted for a couple hours. And I remember vividly at the end of this workout going up to him and saying, Kobe, I don't get it, man. You're the best player in the world. Why are you doing such basic drills?

40:41Alan Stein Jr.:And I'll never forget it. He gave me a really friendly smile and a wink, but he said in a really serious tone, why do you think I'm the best player in the world? Because I never get bored with the basics. And that changed my life. That changed my perspective. You know, I went into that workout expecting to see some sizzle, some sexiness, you know, some flash. And he just was routinely drilling down on the basic fundamentals. And, you know, ever since that day, that has been my core philosophy for performance is never getting bored with the basics and working on mastery of the fundamentals during the unseen hours.

41:15Really good, bro. Like we're right there already. We're already getting into the good stuff. Absolutely. Because I think there's a thing in leadership that's leadership fatigue. We get tired of saying the same things over and over again, even though we should. I think in business in life, there's just a fatigue of the mundane of doing the things that actually work and we move away from them. And sometimes the greatest people in the world just don't allow themselves to suffer from the fatigue of the repetition. Yeah, true.

41:39Alan Stein Jr.:Absolutely. And you hit the nail on the head. That's incredibly insightful. I think we can readily acknowledge that the basics, if you allow them to, can be monotonous, can be mundane and can get boring unless you have that type of approach to them. And even if you don't love doing the basics, you need to love what the basics produce for you, which is basically creating that foundation to which the rest of the house is built. And guys like Kobe, they never leave them. And that's the key. And the beautiful part is it's not saying that you don't also graduate to do more advanced techniques and so forth.

42:13Alan Stein Jr.:It says you never leave the basics. Are they like the building blocks to allow you to do the great things, right? Absolutely. They're the fundamental things, the footwork and basketball. ball. It's the communication or presenting skills in business. It's the vision stretching capacity of a leader. It's the generosity and kindness and gentleness that requires from a parent that we have to do over and over again and show that love, right? It's the repetition we get bored of. I don't know who was that at first. Maybe it was Tony Robbins. I'm not sure. I say it all the time. Sometimes I think I said it first.

42:42I don't know. But the complexity is the enemy of execution, that oftentimes we try to complicate things in our life and then we have an inability to execute.

42:49Alan Stein Jr.:true absolutely simple is smooth and then smooth is what gets it done and uh yeah and of course in a game like basketball for your listeners that follow it's it's footwork it's shooting mechanics it's how well you handled the ball you know we all know those are the basics so the the first step for anyone trying to improve performance in any area of their life first of all is to admit that the basics work but then second it's having the humility to acknowledge that doing the basics every day is not easy but what you have to do is get crystal clear on what are the basic fundamental building blocks of whatever it is you're trying to improve.

43:22Alan Stein Jr.:If you're trying to improve your marriage, what are the handful of fundamentals that will go into a nurturing relationship? If you're trying to be a more influential and impactful executive, what are the handful of things that you, and you could go down the list, whether you want to be a musician, an artist, anything in between, you have to get crystal clear on what those basics are. And then you have to commit towards working towards them relentlessly during the unseen hours to work towards mastery. Unseen hours. That's the other part of the story that fascinated me. So as I understand it, you ask him the day before, can I come watch this workout?

43:52And he goes, yeah, 4 o 'clock. And it wasn't 4 p.m., it was 4 a.m. But you, I'll let you share this, but you're like, well, I'm going to impress this guy and get there early. So there's a 4 a.m. workout, but what happens, tell them what happens when you get there and you get there early.

44:07Alan Stein Jr.:Well, yeah, and I arrived today early because I believe you're making a good first impression. And I believe that getting places early is a sign of respect to the person that you're going to meet. And, you know, as a young coach, I'm thinking, what could be better than me leaving my mark and impressing Kobe? So if he thinks he's working out at four, I'm going to be waiting for him at the gym at, you know, 3.30 a.m. And he is going to be blown away. And instead, I arrive at the gym and can see the lights already on, can hear sneakers squeaking and a ball bouncing from the parking lot. I walk in at 3.30 in the morning.

44:37Alan Stein Jr.:He's going through a warm up. He doesn't even count that as part of his workout. So he's doing that at three 30 before his workout actually started with his trainer at four. And he went on for a couple hours again, sticking to the basics and just drilling down. And, you know, he's one of those guys that really understands the concept. You know, if you want to perform well in front of millions, then you have to be willing to put in millions of reps when no one else is watching, which is how we define the unseen hours. And that, that actually, I stole from my friend, Drew Hanlon, who's an NBA skills coach, who he's the one that came up with the term unseen hours.

45:08Alan Stein Jr.:And I conveniently borrowed that and I use it everywhere because I really believe that success in anything, even the success of your podcast is predicated on the due diligence and the research that you do on each guest before the mics go hot. Very true. And that's the unseen hours. And that's what a lot of people, they don't see. The standard is different, right? So like this idea that a 4 a.m. workout, look, let's just be really honest. You know the NBA a lot better than I do, but I know professional sports, and most dudes are coming home around 4 a.m. in the NBA oftentimes, right? Not having a workout at 4 a.m., and then to know that, no, it's not 4 a.m.

45:44You're there at 3.30. He had already been warming up for 25 or 30 minutes before. There's just a different standard, I think, with the elite performer. I think an elite mother has just a little bit different standard than an average mother. I think an elite executive, they just set a different culture of standards around. That's got to be part of it, right?

46:02Alan Stein Jr.:Absolutely. And I don't know if you know the reason that he did the workout at 4 a.m., but it parlays perfectly into your new book, you know, Just Do One More. The reason Kobe does that, he understands that even the most aggressive players in the NBA, they're going to get in two workouts a day during the offseason. First one is usually around 9 or 10 a.m., and then they'll take a lunch break, and then they'll come back at 3 or 4. So his mindset was if everyone else in the league is going to be doing two workouts a day I'm going to do three because i'm going to do one more than they're doing And the only way I can squeeze that in is if I get up and do it at four So when he's coming home from his first workout His competition is just waking up to go in for their first workout So then he's doing his second workout while they're doing their first And then it's it's the compounding interest effect of if I do this every single day in the offseason for not just years but in his case, decades, he said, no one will ever catch me.

46:53Alan Stein Jr.:Because every time I wake up, I'm going to do one more than you're doing. You'll never catch me. And I think that's part of what gave him that, you know, that Mamba mentality. That was a great conversation. Be sure to follow the Ed Milet show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Welcome back to Max Out, everybody. I'm Ed Milet. Let me ask you a question before we begin today. Do you have any sense right now, like you feel like you're just overloaded and you're overwhelmed with information in your life. Maybe you're having a hard time getting focused.

47:23You get distracted pretty easily. Maybe your concentration sort of suffers a little bit, your memory issues. Well, my guest here today is an expert on optimum brain performance, on learning, on learning quickly and on maxing out your capacity to think and perform in your life. And it was really born out of some tragedy, out of some difficult events out of his childhood. He's turned those tragic events into becoming a world-renowned expert on brain performance. And today, I'm really blessed because I've been chasing this guy for a while. I've wanted him to share his brilliance with you, the audience.

47:56And I'm grateful that he's here today because we're about to change your life and change the way you learn, think, and perform. So my guest today is the great Jim Quick. Jim, thank you.

48:05Jim Kwik:Ed, thank you so much. I've been looking forward to this so much. Me too, brother. We've had great conversations off camera, and I'm so excited because I know there are some shows I know that we do that are inspirational, and then there are shows I know that are going to inspire, but also by the end of the program, people's lives are just measurably better, and they can perform better. And today is heavy note-taking. If you're driving in the car, you're going to want to hear it, but you're going to want to get back and listen to the video or something, too, to write the notes down we're going to cover.

48:32So let's just go back just a little bit because I want to give people context because I really believe life happens for us. not to us. And it's the meaning in our life of the events that happen to us, not the event, but the meaning we take from it. And so you've become this world renowned expert. You've worked with the Dalai Lama, Richard Branson, right? Some of the highest profile celebrities in the world, most successful business people. But it's ironic that that was founded out of a boy with a broken brain, right? And that was because you had fallen and hurt your head. Is that right? Like a five year old or tell us that story real quick.

49:04Jim Kwik:Yeah. And it's funny. I just posted this on Instagram today I said difficult times could define us they could diminish us or they could develop us you decide because ultimately we do decide and um yeah when I I know I'm such a big fan of yours thank you and follow of your work and I and first of all before we get started I appreciate everyone who's watching this and what I love is you are the person you are on and off camera oh thank you and that that that means a lot to me you know your humility because you're so accomplished and so So the reason why I'm excited about this is because I think this message we have to talk to people about is so important because your brain controls everything.

49:42Alan Stein Jr.:Yeah.

49:42Jim Kwik:Right. When people see me on stage, they'll see me have 100 people stand up and I'll memorize all their names as they introduce themselves or 100 words or 100 numbers that they give me forwards and backwards. I've seen this man have 100 people give him two numbers out of sequence and he'll repeat back 100 people's multiple numbers like this. And here's the thing. I always tell people I don't do this to impress you. I do this to express to you what's really possible because the truth is every single person that's listening and watching this could do that and a lot more Oh my gosh the thing is we weren't taught You know if anything we were taught a lie that somehow our our capabilities our potential our memory for instance our learning abilities or intelligence is somehow fixed Like our shoe size and it's absolutely not true We've discovered more about the human brain in the past 20 years than the previous 2 ,000 years combined And what we found is we've grossly underestimated our own potential, our own capabilities.

50:34Jim Kwik:And that's the thing, it's just because we weren't taught. And I really think the nature of the work that you do, that I do, that our community is really backing is about transcending. It's about ending the trance. Wow. Transcend, end the trance. Ending this mass hypnosis in media and marketing that's telling us that we're broken. That we need to be fixed. That we're not enough. And I feel like that is what holds us back. You know, this disillusion, if you will. That's remarkable. Did you feel that way as a little guy? You know, when I was five years old, as you mentioned, I had this accident.

51:06Jim Kwik:Head trauma, brain injury, traumatic brain injury. After that, my parents said I was never the same. You know, I became extremely shy, introverted. I had learning difficulties. I was labeled. And a label is tough, right? You know, when you're put in special classes, I couldn't understand things. My teachers would repeat themselves four or five times. And I would pretend to understand. Like sometimes we do as an adult. We have this imposter syndrome. We always want to look good. We don't want to ever make a mistake, which I feel like also holds us back. In this space, the things you teach can affect someone's life like this.

51:40And that's what I love. Can we talk about some of those things?

51:42Jim Kwik:Absolutely. I'm just fascinated. Look at me. We only have an hour. I wish we had 17. But you said if there was one skill to master in the 21st century. Yes. In your opinion, it is what? What would you say? Your ability to learn faster to learn I really do believe that if there was let's say let's say there was a genie And they could grant you one wish anything you want yeah most people would wish for more wishes that would be the hack right? If somebody had genie's in Aladdin's gonna be one wish you ask for more wishes But if I was a learning genie and I could help you learn any subject any skill You know anything what would you want?

52:17Jim Kwik:What would you wish for you would ask to learn how to learn? I did a program at Google and I remember hearing this from the chairman said the amount of information that's been created from the dawn of humanity since human beings walked the earth through the year 2003, which is only about a decade and a half ago. That amount of information is now created every two days. Oh my gosh. 48 hours online. Think about the blogs, the podcasts, the social media, that much content. Our brain, they say we use such a small potential of it. We use all our brain, but some people use it more efficiently than other people.

52:49But you talk an awful lot about the way we were learning 100 years ago is still the same way we're taught to learn. And a simple thing you said, because almost everybody listening to this, well, I know they are. They're listening to this podcast. They're taking notes. They go to seminars. They take notes. They're reading books. And just a simple difference in the way we take notes even, you have told, I didn't even realize this, but this is an old way to take notes. There's a different way to experience even note taking. Can you give some tips on that?

53:16Jim Kwik:So I recommend everybody takes notes. of this specific episode because it boosts retention. People don't realize this. There's a learning curve, but there's also a forgetting curve. Science is saying that within two days, just 48 hours of listening to a podcast, reading a book, going to a conference, getting a coaching, 80 % of it, up to 80 % is lost. Incredible. And that's, you know, as somebody who's investing time, energy, treasure into something to lose all that, you know, so you want to be able to hold that on. And so one of the ways of doing it is by taking notes. And we did a whole episode on proper note taking and really one that's more brain friendly.

53:52Jim Kwik:Most people, and what they found is the worst way of taking notes actually is verbatim. Which is the way I take notes. Yeah, verbatim, full transcription. And they study this at universities because they test people. People take word for word. And one of the reasons why is because there's just so much information. You have 18 pages of word for word. You don't even know what's most important. But they found the best way of actually taking notes were more on keywords and relevancy. So, for example, one of the ways of taking notes that I recommend is taking a piece of paper and putting a line straight down the page.

54:29Jim Kwik:And on the left side, what I'm doing is I'm capturing information. Capturing. So we could talk about how to remember names and how to read faster and how to learn skills faster, how to change your habits. That would be on the left hand column. You're capturing information. But on the right side, instead of capturing, you're creating. What does that mean? It means that you're writing, you're creating, and you're building on this. You're putting your impressions. So essentially, on the left side, you're taking notes, but on the right side, you're making notes. And there's a clear distinction between just capturing information and actually the creative process.

55:00Jim Kwik:Why does that matter? It matters because if you're, first of all, for focus, a lot of people, when they're listening to something, their mind will go somewhere else. They'll get distracted. So here, instead of it going somewhere else, it goes on the right side of the page, which which is, let's say left side, right brain, left brain, right brain. Left brain is more logical and words and language and linear, but on the right side is your imagination, it's your creativity. So your creativity could go there. The other thing is it forces you to ask questions. I believe that questions are the answer.

55:30Jim Kwik:I think it's essential for understanding, for critical thinking, for focus, for learning. If you ever want to read something, let's say people feel absent-minded. They forget where they put things. Their wallet, their purse, their keys, or if not their keys, something larger like their car. You see the people in the finding. They forget where they parked their car. They read a page in a book at the end and forget what they just read. They'll get a name from somebody and they'll just forget it right away. One of the ways to insulate that is to ask questions, right? To ask questions about something.

55:59Jim Kwik:So, for example, when I'm taking notes, I'll capture information on the left side. But on the right side, I'll write questions I have about what I'm learning. I'll ask myself questions like how I'm going to apply it. You know what, the biggest challenge I have with the self-help personal development industry is that there's this massive lie that's being spread saying that knowledge is power. Thinking is the process of asking and answering questions to yourself. That's why left and right page here matters. Everybody stay with us on that. That's all thinking is. That's all thought is. Exactly. And you're capturing your thinking.

56:30Jim Kwik:And even the greatest minds out there, they journal. They're always creative. You know, you think about Leonardo da Vinci or Marie Curie. Like, their journals are worth fortunes. Yes. And it's interesting asking this question, is it because they were geniuses? And when I say genius, I don't mean IQ. I mean they're exceptional in their field. Whether it's sports, whether it's technology, finance, relationships, interpersonal skills, interpersonal communication. Is it because they're geniuses that they're taking all these notes, or is it because they're creating all these notes that make them geniuses?

57:02Jim Kwik:Boy, boy. And so it's interesting. And so I like to journal. I think that that's extremely important. And the questions, though, to take knowledge and turn to action, three main questions I obsess about. Number one is, how can I use this? I ask this all the time because I don't learn for the sake of learning. I learn for the sake of some kind of benefit from me or somebody I care about. So I'm staying with you. This would be the right side of the page as I'm taking some notes. Right. So I'm taking notes, but I'm obsessed about it. So even though I'm not writing it down, even when I'm having a conversation with somebody or listening, how can I use this?

57:32Jim Kwik:And this is the creativity part. It's like, oh, wow, these are all the ways I could use this. and apply this. The second question I ask religiously is after I ask, how can I use this? I'm asking myself, why must I use this? Why must I use this? Because here's the thing. A lot of people know what to do. They don't do what they know. You can't come up with one reason. You're not going to remember because reasons reap results. Reasons reap results. Reasons reap rewards. Simon Sinek, start with why. Always get into this. So ask yourself why. And the questions make a that makes all the difference so first question how can I use this and that's the creativity you come up with all these ideas why must I use this okay the reasons why and then the third question I ask a lot is when will I use this okay and I think one of the most powerful productivity performance tools there are are our calendars right it's like art that app calendar app or if you keep a physical calendar that's important because if it's not there it's not real right right you schedule this in and then it becomes real and it's going to happen.

58:33Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest. All right. Welcome back, everybody. Today's really something I've been looking forward to. Let me tell you why. I have only done this twice in my entire life, but I'm watching Netflix a few weeks ago and I just watched this brilliant piece of art that was not only hilarious, but it inspired me. And I'm watching this man communicate and perform what he's great at doing. And I just And I just see a depth to him, and I'm like, I want to talk to this person about his life.

59:05I have a feeling this could be one of the most inspiring episodes we've ever done before. And sure enough, I messaged him, and about 42 seconds later, he messaged me back, and here we are a few weeks later. I'm not busy. We're both two of the busiest human beings on Earth. He just literally landed at the airport, and we made this thing happen, because I think we both had a sense we should do this together. So his special is called It Ain't for the Week on Netflix right now. It is gold. 10 out of 10. If there was a higher number I could give it, I would. You will be laughing the entire time, but you will also leave there different.

59:34You will leave there inspired. And I'm hoping that happens today as well. David A. Arnold, welcome to the show, man. I'm so excited to be here, man. I you know, so funny, literally because I told my sister I was coming. She is so excited. She's like, I can't wait. I listen to it all the time. Like she's like she started firing off all your guests and everything. And then she went, what are you doing on there? Like your family, your family is always the last people to believe in anything that you're doing. But I, dude, when I, you know, when you hit me and you said what you said in the message, because I get a lot of messages.

1:00:07And, you know, obviously you look at the people who are verified first, because you go, okay, they've been through it. It might be a real person. Right, exactly. And I looked and then, you know, of course, I'm like, oh, okay, I know. And then when you get it from somebody who makes a living. Recognizing certain things. It's different than, oh, you're funny. It's a different type of compliment than, oh, you're funny. I know exactly what you mean. It hits you in a deeper space. Well, your stuff hits me that way. I mean, I just mean it. And by the way, all the way back, I watched Fat Ballerina, your previous special, and I was watching it with my wife.

1:00:40I'm like, this guy is brilliant. How come I don't know him? And that's kind of where I want to start. What does it look like when you start creating material all the way to the special? How many hours go into this? When are you writing? When do the concepts come up? How many sets do you have to do to where you're like, this is tight now, I own this. This is the creative process to have one special. Because I think the other thing that's underestimated is just the amount of precise grinding and working required to become outstanding at what you do. Yes. That part of the process. Yeah, that's a great question.

1:01:11You know, every comedian is different. Some comedians would like to go, I don't write nothing down. It's all, you know, I'm not that person. I'm not that good. But my bits come from being in the moment and living and having the experiences. Okay. But are you in the experience of Miss Curious? Are you in the experience going, this could be a bit? Yes. Okay. Comedians are very introverted people. We're very on top of everything we're thinking and feeling. Like everything. Like all the information that comes at us, as it's coming to us, we're evaluating and giving our opinion on it in our head. Like, so any interaction with you, my wife, like, constantly, that's just where I'm at, right?

1:01:52And so, like, for me, when I started going out and working out for... to do It Ain't For The Week, I went, I think we did... I want to say we did 30 cities, which is comedy clubs, and, you know, I do five shows a weekend. So you take that 30 times five, it's about 150 sets, right? An hour and 20 minutes is normally what I'm on stage doing. And, you know, you do this again and again and again, and I record all of my material. I record every set that I do. And I go back, and when I'm on the treadmill or I'm in the gym the next day working out, I listen to it. So I can go, oh, that's good. Nope, that's no good.

1:02:30I don't need that. Get that. Like, it's work. It's a process. And that's how I do it again. It's reps. It's like, you know, it's like how you get tone. Again, again, again, again, again. Like, that's literally it. I think the tolerance for that is for very few people, brother. I mean, this is everything. Even salespeople that are listening to this right now, are you that on your presentation? Are you that on your clothes? Are you that on your nuances? I've been watching you where you go, huh, huh, huh. Even some of your transfers of your laughing and the rhythm and how you keep it together. Chappelle will bump that mic on his leg, right?

1:03:00These are little things that if you're watching the best of the best, you should be breaking them down in the subtleties of what they do. Sebastian Maniscalco will go very long, me too. Won't go that very long until he moves his body a particular way, right? Like, he's not a standstill guy. Right. So... But in every career, it's the precision. It's... Nick Saban for Alabama says, we don't practice until we get it right. We practice until we can't get it wrong. That's right. That's it. And it's just a different standard of the best. And David, you guys, is the best. Thank you. Wow. For me right now, it's the best set that I've watched, maybe ever, but certainly as long as I can...

1:03:37as long as I can recall. That... You know what? I tell, like... because I teach one of the largest stand-up comedy classes in the country. I didn't know that. And I've been doing it for 10 years, and I stopped doing it during the pandemic. I have well over 300-plus people on my waiting list, and I'm about to do a seminar, which I haven't done in two years. I'm about to do it in, like, next month, and we're just doing two days, and I miss it because I love talking about the art of stand-up. You know? And one of the things that I tell people when I do my stand-up, it's in my muscle. It's in my muscle memory.

1:04:10Like when I start to do material and I start to tell stories, I'm in a certain place when I hit this joke. When I'm like, there's, it becomes that, where it's locked in, but there's still enough room for me to be David. There's still enough room for it to be the same, but it's a little different. You know what I mean? And so like even now, like working on, I'm working, like the night I did, it ain't for the week. That night I have not done any of that material since that night. Not one joke. and the next day, the next week, I was on to it. I'm doing a new tour called Pace Yourself now. And I've been out.

1:04:44We're doing 30 more cities. Go see them. And I literally have not done one, and I'm doing a whole new hour and 20 minutes. Now, this is the benefit. This comes from having done stand-up for 28 years under the radar. Nobody's seen me. So they don't know that I'm like this caged animal that's been working forever, and now I'm finally getting a chance to run out in the wild. It's amazing to me. To me, it's one of the best stories ever because it, you know, although you have had this financial success you were talking about, this notion of all this time under the radar to be that good. Now let me ask you this.

1:05:22By the way, one little lesson he said there, I just want to add everyone, just so everyone's listening. I think you gotta be obsessed. So like, comedy's really never off for you. Like, you're with your family, you're present, but like, you're still looking for your craft in it. I can't help it. Right, that's the greats. Yeah, I can't help it. By the way, you entrepreneurs, there's healthy obsessions in life. Sure. So no matter what I'm ever doing, when I'm watching someone do something, I'm watching them speak. I'm looking for a business clue. I'm watching a television clue. That strategy would work in this business I've got.

1:05:51It's never far from me. I'm always amazed by people who say, I want to be the best, or I want to be great, or I want to be a millionaire. Yes. Yet they're willing to escape their craft for long periods of time. No, I can't do it. Me either. I'm on vacation. I'm still sort of in my mode, looking at people, picking up stuff, that would be inspiring, that might be a business I could solve, that problem with this product, it's always there. Yes, always. As when you... Because... It's who you are. Yes. And you can't... When it's... When what you do is who you are, you can't turn it off. You know what I mean?

1:06:25Like, I can't... Like, my family knows when they're around me, like, here he goes. Dad, don't start. Like, if I pull out my phone and start texting while they're talking, I'll be like, Like, don't, uh-uh, that's not going to be a bit. Like, they know when it hits me in the moment. Like, because I see life through a diff, comedians, we see life through a lens that civilians do not. That's just how we're wired. I've been wired like that now. The more, unfortunately, the more tragic it is, the quicker comedy comes to us. Like, we've had friends who have died in the comedy community that passed away.

1:07:02if you were on some of these text threads with us comedians, it's dark. Right away. Like everybody's waiting for how long before we can... Like, how long? Do we just... Can you see the funeral home behind you in the rearview mirror? Let's go. Like, we start. And knowing that the comedian who passed away, if they were here, would be on that thread. They'd be laughing their ass off with... Exactly. It's just who we are. I remember when Norm died. Yes. And, like, immediately, good friends of mine, and I was on some threads with them. I'm like, wow, this quickly? That's right. My God. We're going to talk about his gambling right now.

1:07:36No Bob Saget, who I had a chance to work with. Same thing. Yeah, like right away. But it's just because it's in us. It's who we are. And if you are a salesman, if you, whatever you do, if you work, if you're a trainer, if you are a nutritionist, you see life through a different lens. I love that. You just, like you, somebody will bring you a, what could look like a beautiful meal to me, and a nutritionist will look at that and go, all the sodium, look at all, like, something I will never see. Yep, exactly right. Yep. Those are people that are great. Those are people that are great. I'm just telling you, this whole thing in personal development right now, it's like you need to be present where you are.

1:08:16I completely believe that. That doesn't mean, like, you probably have this too, even with my kids, like, I do sometimes, I need to consciously put this phone down and just be in their presence. But at the same time, I never escape who I am, even in those moments. I might not type at that minute, I'm going, now this would be something inspiring. And I gotta hold on to it. Like, I'm just, I'm sorry, it's not coming off. And I think people take this stuff too literally, where they, like, escape their business or their craft. Like, this is part of, like, I don't, when I'm dead, I would like to be remembered for some of these things someday, right?

1:08:46That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow The Ed Milet Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. you'll never miss an episode that way.

1:08:56Jay Shetty:This quote by Thomas Edison said, when you feel you've exhausted all options, remember this, you haven't. I love that. That's the power of one more. And so I have lived this book in my life. Like I have lived this mindset and it has changed my life because I've always been just one step away, one habit away, one mindset away from this amazing life that I'm grateful and blessed to live. Well, that's the truth, right? You're right. And I think the great lie in life is that, you know, some scriptures say, well, where there's no vision, the people will perish. Whatever your scriptures are, really, do you have no vision?

1:09:34If you ask the average person, you want to be happy or sad, what's your vision? They'd say, I want to be happy. You want to be rich or poor? Most people say, I'd like to be rich. Do you want to contribute or make no difference in the world? I want to contribute. Do you want beautiful memories or no memories? I want memories. So there's a vision. Our issue is depth perception. We think it's further away than it is. And because we think it's so far away, Jay, we create patterns and behaviors in our life that perpetually keep it there. And that's what we do in our life. But what if that's the great lie of life?

1:10:03And what if the truth is that you're one relationship away, one meeting away, one conversation, one podcast, one interview, one new thought, one new emotion, one new tactic or strategy away from completely changing the trajectory of your life. And everyone that you and I know that we both work with, that we're blessed to work with in our lives, the truth is it was one decision, one meeting, one extra rep, one more phone call, one thing they did that changed their trajectory. Then the question then becomes, how do I do it? And so the strategies are in the book, but conceptually, that's 100 % how you change your life.

1:10:41Jay Shetty:Yeah, and you're so right. I was thinking about this this morning. last year I had a double hernia surgery on the front like so I couldn't walk for about a month and when I say I couldn't walk I mean like I literally couldn't move oh my gosh it was like I was like I felt like I was teaching myself to walk again like that's how it felt it's really interesting what you just said about how we perpetually push it far away I would wake up every morning and my mind or my initial mindset was like it will be gone today yeah it must have gone today like today it will be fully healed i'll be fine today and i would wake up and i wouldn't be and i would feel like healing was so far away yes it would be like 80 away that i was missing out on the one percent change since yesterday you got it since yesterday i made one percent change i was i wasn't feeling the same pain in my nerves i was able to be flexible by one percent more yes And I was missing out on all of that because I was so obsessed with how far I was.

1:11:44That's the journey. And what happens is when you live with an expectation that these one mores exist, the reticular activating system in your mind filters them into your awareness. I call it the matrix in the second chapter of the book. When you wake up believing, hey, I'm one decision away. I'm one meeting away, one relationship away. That's not hokey. Your mind begins to filter the people, places, and things into your awareness. You develop something called sensory acuity. You hear conversations you weren't hearing. We've all had that experience where we're on an airplane. I can't stop hearing these people over here.

1:12:15Or you walk in a loud room, but you can hear your own name auditorily over all the other names in the room. That's because it's important to you, and it matters. You see things. And so when something becomes important to you and you believe it to be true, the RAS goes to proving it for you. And where I learned this, ironically I talk about in the book, is my father was an alcoholic and had tried to get sober many, many times. And I'll never forget it, Jay. We were driving to a baseball game of mine. My dad started crying. I'd never seen my dad cry before. And he pulls the car over and he still isn't looking at me, but he's crying.

1:12:49And he says, Eddie. And then he turns to me and he goes, I'm going to try to get sober. And I'll never forget this brother. He goes, one more time. And I said, really, daddy? He goes, I'm going to give it one more try. And I said to him, I said, why would this be any different this time? and he said never said this to me before he goes because I love you and you deserve a father you can be proud of and you can't be proud of me right now and I think every great thing we do in life

1:13:19Alan Stein Jr.:is one away but it's also born from love to talk about your book when you love people or you love something so deeply if that love is greater than what the obstacles might be now you got a shot to do it then my dad gets sober he comes home from rehab I say daddy are you never gonna drink again And he said, I can't promise you that. I can promise you I'm not going to drink for one more day at a time. And he lasted the rest of his life stacking those one more days up. So I know the power of one more. The other thing, I also know humans can change. I watched my hero do it. I watched my dad live my first 15 years.

1:13:56So I'm in a lot of fights.

1:13:58Jay Shetty:A lot of lying, a lot of difficult times. And then I saw this man transform. and in life we're most qualified to help the person we used to be and what we think in life and I hope everybody gets this we think the things we're most ashamed of embarrassed by our divorce our bankruptcy or maybe we've just always been average and ordinary this disqualifies me from being successful and happy what if that's not true what if the hardest things of your life are the very things that qualify you I'll give you an example you know my dad got sober somebody helped him. My dad was going to take his life or lose his family.

1:14:31And I didn't know who it was until months ago, some precious human being whom I didn't know. And my dad's darkest hour of his life, Jay, said, I'll help you. I'll help you. Little did that person know I'd be his son. And I'd help millions of people. And I'd be on Jay Shetty's show. And we both helped millions of people. And the more ironic thing that this person helped my dad is what qualified them to help my dad. They were a drunk. They were an alcoholic. They at one time were a drug addict. They at one time were lying and stealing and living in the shadows. The very thing that person probably figured that disqualifies me from having a successful life was the one thing that did qualify them to help my dad.

1:15:10So if you're listening to this and you've had something you're ashamed of or a failure or a setback, you're most qualified to help the people you used to be. And that person, that alcoholism they suffered with their drug addiction helped my dad live those one more days forever.

1:15:24Jay Shetty:That is the best explanation I've heard of how pain turns into purpose. The thing that brought you down, that broke you down, that made you feel like you were losing everything, gave you back everything when you used that to serve the people that were struggling with it. Then there's a purpose. If you can survive the temporary pain in your life, and all pain Pain is temporary. I watched my father pass away last year. He was in tremendous pain. Even our bodies are temporary. Only our souls are permanent. If you can survive the temporary, on the other side of temporary pain, you meet another version of yourself, another insight about yourself.

1:16:02And that's why it's so important to grow as a person because the more we grow and become a new person, we can help those that used to be like us. That's why you and I are so addicted to growing and learning and we're curious because if you used to be a broken person and you no longer are quite as broken, you can help broken people. if you used to be broke financially and you no longer are you can help people whatever you do for a living at one time you didn't know about it and now you do you can help those who need to know about it and so you're immensely qualified if you understand the power of doing one more oh i love

1:16:32Jay Shetty:it i love it tell me about so let's say and you probably come up against this all the time a lot of the people say okay i'm gonna practice that i'm with you ed i love you and jay i'm listening and I go, yes, I'm going to practice the power of one more. Now what I find, and this is why you're so great at teaching this, because you're not teaching it as a gimmick, a glitch, or like a little affirmation. This is like real, it makes sense. Like it works. People get so tied to the result that when they try it the next day and the sales meeting doesn't go their way or the pitch doesn't go their way, they go, ah, it doesn't work.

1:17:10Jay Shetty:It doesn't work. why didn't it work and how should we respond when we fail or get rejected? Well, it didn't work because you're so attached to the outcome. I coach a lot of athletes. I know you do as well. And one of the things that's a really nuanced thing in life, it's great to have goals. You should have goals. I want to do this or that. But in the moment of execution, you have to separate from outcome in the moment that you're executing and just be present and exist. I talk about this in the book. Here's what I would say. If you're going to win long term, 95 % of people have an operating system in their mind where they operate out of history and memory.

1:17:44Jay Shetty:Oh, I like that. And about 5 % of humans operate out of vision and imagination. So the reason we're so much happier, I believe, when we're children is we have no history and memory. So we operate out of imagination and dreams and vision. But at some age, some people, it's five years old. Some it's eight. Some it's 18. Some it's 28. They create a history. And that history then becomes the operating system. So even if they take on a new behavior or tactic, they're operating out of a pattern of thought and belief that's historic and memory based. And so the number one thing I would say is begin to operate out of your imagination again, out of your vision again.

1:18:20Create from that place. If you create from that place, now you're not tied to the result in that moment. You're giving yourself space to imagine and create something new in your life.

1:18:31Jay Shetty:I've never heard that in that language, man. That is so powerful. Thank you. You're so right about it as kids, that we don't have any memory or history, so we don't have any blocks, we don't have any limits. We don't. And begin to listen to the people around you. People say, hey, you're the product of who you hang around. How do I know if they serve me or not? Here's one way to just deduce this, because they could be beautiful people who care about you, and they might even support you. But when you're with them, what are you... You ever have those friends, you're with them, you're like, you remember when, you remember, you remember, remember that party, remember that thing?

1:19:01And if your friends are constantly bringing you to the filtration system of memory and history all the time, think this through. How often are those friends saying, hey, what are you working on now? Where are you going? What's your vision? What do you want to create? And maybe that sounds hokey, but you and I have some of our, both our friends have the most amazing histories and you can't get them to talk about them. No. You have to work because what are they still doing? They're talking about now and where they're going. Their viewpoint in their life is being present and having a vision for the future.

1:19:33A formula for misery, a formula for lack of creativity, lack of productivity, is constantly being history and memory. Even if it's good, it doesn't serve us. And for most of us, it's not good. And we keep living from it or trying to move away from it. Create a new future. Don't move away from the past. Create a brilliant, imaginative, curious, vibrant vision for your life.

1:19:57Jay Shetty:Oh, I love that. Yeah, we're always trying to create the same past as opposed to a new future. And I find that what's really interesting about that, all the studies show that nostalgia makes us believe that the past was more phenomenal than it actually was. If you remember that party you went to at college, it's better in your memory than it actually was. If you actually could have gone back and remembered how you felt hungover and what you broke a bone or whatever happened. But now in your memory, it's beautiful. Beautiful, beautiful. Right? So our memory also is slightly warped of the past. No question.

1:20:31Jay Shetty:It can make things feel much better or much worse sometimes. No question. But what's really coming out for me right now is this idea that it's something you said a couple of moments ago, and it sparked a thought for me. I remember the story that Vanessa Bryant told about Kobe Bryant after he passed away. I was fortunate enough to interview him about three months before his tragic passing. and she told this story and she said that Kobe would play through every injury he would play through every pain he would play through everything even when the doctors and his coaches would say stop playing and she asked him she said once why he still plays right again going back to our curiosity not assuming you know your partner she asked him why do you still play and this is just her and him there's no cameras there's no she's telling this story but at the time it was just them two he said it's because there's someone who's paid for a ticket today they saved up and this is the only time they're ever going to be able to come maybe a son's maybe a dad's brought his kid maybe someone's come to the game they're a lifelong fan and they came today and today's the only day they're going to get to see me and if i say i'm injured yes they won't get to see me.

1:21:47Jay Shetty:So I'm going to play so that that person gets to see me play. And then he goes and wins. And it's like, that's love. That's what you were saying. Love for something is in the present moment also, right? Love is not just for the past. And it's funny how important one day is, man. When my dad got sick, my dad got cancer. When he first got sick, he goes, hey, my dad was a dude. He goes, look, I'll fight this one time. Okay, I'll do your little chemo and your surgery, but I'm not going to pour poison into my body. I'm not going to lose my hair. I'm not going to deteriorate. I'll give this thing a shot once.

1:22:21If it doesn't work, I'm out. That led to eight years of him fighting it. Wow. Chemo, radiation, proton therapy, surgery, surgery, chemo, experimental chemo. And he did lose his hair, and he was in pain. And I'd say to my dad, I'd say, Dad, you're suffering so much. He said you wouldn't suffer. He said, no, Eddie, I'm in pain, but I'm not suffering. I choose not to suffer. And I'm not suffering because I get to see my grandkids again. And I said, Dad, why are you doing this? And he said, you only understand the power of one day when you're threatened with never having another one. I'll do anything for one more day.

1:22:57Get to be with you one more time. Give your mom a kiss one more time. Maybe I'll see one of my granddaughters get married. And he goes, I'll do anything for one more day. The beautiful thing is I was actually with Kobe a week before he passed away. We were in the same gym. Our daughters played volleyball. And ironically, that day, I watched Kobe walk out of the gym. There was only a couple dads left. It was late at night. He stayed and I stayed. And he had his youngest daughter in his arm and he was rubbing his other daughter's back. And I remember taking note of it because I was with Bella at the other end of the gym.

1:23:32And I remember thinking, I don't hug Bella enough. I need to hug. No joke, bro. It's in the book. I went, I got to hug Bella one more time every day, not just once a day, plus one more time every day. My daughter's going to get extra hugs because Kobe does that. What if I could have said to Kobe when he got in his car, Kobe, you have one more week, brother. Tell those that you love, you love them. Get it right. Whoever matters to you, make it right. Call your dad, make it right. Call your mom, call your family. What if the day before you could have said, Colby, I have one day left. And my dad, same thing.

1:24:11I was with my dad when he had one day left. I was with my dad when he had one hour left. I was with my dad when he had one breath left. And when we begin to think of our life that way, the power of right now and having one more moment and one more minute is so beautiful. It's so blessed. It's so big. It's so amazing. Why would we spend that minute in history? Why would we spend that minute in the past when we could be fully present in creating the future. And so, you know, I think most people think, Jay, everyone else is going to die. I think they just, I'm never, I'm not going to die. Or they go, I'll get around to being happy.

1:24:48I'll get around to making my masterpiece of my life. I'll get around to my dreams. I'm going to get around to fixing this relationship that's broken. I'm going to get around to feeling those emotions. And then it's another day and another day. And they keep it in the distance until there are no more days. And I don't care if you're 18 years old listening to this, 28 or 48. We don't know if we have one more day or 100 more days or 1 ,000 more days. But we know this. There'll eventually be a time where we don't have any more days. And so why would we spend the ones that are coming looking at the past?

1:25:23And so my dad really taught me those lessons in watching him pass away. And that's why I have a whole thing in there of how to get 21 days a week, run many days. I get 21 days a week. We still measure time, bro. Like it's 1900. Think about 1900. If I wanted to get you a note, I'd have to write a letter out, stick it on the back of a horse's butt in 1850. 30 days later, you get it. That was a 24-hour day. Now I can text you in two seconds. We measure time the same way. So I teach you how to change your time so that you can make that day its maximum bliss. Its maximum productivity.

1:25:56Jay Shetty:What's one more that you're working on right now? Right now, I'm actually, it's an interesting season of my life. I have a TV show that I did with NBC that's called Change that I think has a chance of getting picked up. But my one more that I'm working on right now for me in my life is my peace. And so there's this guy, Jay Shetty, that's a friend of mine that introduced me and my family to meditation. And I'm giving myself the gift of I don't just do it in the morning now. I've given myself the gift of one more time every single day of just emptying my mind and trying to be fully present. and it's been work for me.

1:26:33I've got that busy type of a mind, but I have found that my peace in my life, most of us, Jay, have all these goals of things we want to do, and they're wonderful, and I believe in doing that. I think standards are more important than goals because, and I teach you in this book, how to set the standards that'll get those goals, but we really don't want the jet. We don't want the hit song. We don't want the amazing relationship. We don't want the million dollars. We want how we think it'll make us feel. And what if we began to become more intentional and outcome oriented about the things we feel in our life?

1:27:08And it took me a while, but now that I'm older, when I feel strong, when I feel blissful, when I feel peaceful, is when I produce the physical things that I want, not the other way around. And so my one mores are more emotional focus. Most of us, then I'll come up for air here, have an emotional home. There's three or four or five emotions we experience on a regular basis. I write about it in the book. and no matter what happens we find a way even if they don't serve us to get those emotions if your emotional home is fear anxiety worry depression anger you find a way every week to get that emotion but what if that emotional home could become bliss and peace and joy and creativity and ecstasy and so I'm working on one more beautiful emotion for my emotional home and for me it's

1:27:53Jay Shetty:peace I love that I love that answer man it's good to hear about what you've been saying like We're not living in the past and you're like in the present. But to have you answer that question, that peace is your presence. Like that's what you're looking for. That's the present. And it shows that you're using this like it works. You're doing it time and time again. And I love what you said. It moves from the physical things into the subtle, into the emotional, into the deeper. I think that's so profound. What was that one more that if you didn't do it, you wouldn't be here today? What was one of those ones that like, ah, like that was the one that convinced me apart from obviously your father that you were like, ah, if I didn't do that, I wouldn't be Ed Milet today.

1:28:33Jay Shetty:I wouldn't be maxed out life. The first business I built was a financial business and I had had some success, Jay, like a lot of people do in life. And then it went backwards. And sometimes you get up the flagpole just a little bit and you come back down. That's an emotional difficulty. It could be a relationship that was good that's gone or maybe it saved some money. It's gone. Maybe you lost a bunch of weight and got fit and you gained it back. For me, it was my business. And I called my dad. He was a pretty wise guy now that he was sober. And because I could tell you, man, I do one more rep in the gym.

1:29:02I haven't done 10 reps on a bench press in 30 years. I've done 10 plus one more a lot, though. I haven't done 45 minutes on a treadmill, but I've done 45 plus one more minute. 10 contacts a day? Never. 10 plus one more. But the biggest one more was actually something else. I called my dad and I said, hey, dad, it's not going. The business is crashing. and I'm running out of money. Our power was turned off. Our water was turned off, Jay. We had to take my wife every morning. We'd lost our house. We're living in an apartment now. Then the water got turned off. You can't cook. You can't bathe. There was an apartment building.

1:29:37We had an outdoor shower at the swimming pool, and we were newlyweds, and I'd have to get up every morning, walk down there, and I'd hold a towel up while my wife took her shower every day outdoors and brush her teeth, and then she'd switch and hold the towel up for me, and I'd walk back up to the apartment and I was so emasculated, so ashamed, so embarrassed. And I was living a nightmare, selling a dream to everybody every day. We can do this. A lot of entrepreneurs or people can relate in their life. And anyway, I called my dad that night and I said, I think I need to pack it in. I need to go get a job and just, this success thing is not it's not for people like us and my dad goes Eddie you don't have to decide you're never gonna quit he goes just don't quit for one more day see how you feel tomorrow I go dad he goes just don't do it for one more day and I got the next day and I still wanted to quit but not quite as much and then I went one more day and one more day and I found myself about 30 days later I didn't want to quit anymore and thank God the one more I did was I went one more day without quitting and I'm so grateful I didn't quit on my dream.

1:30:49Jay Shetty:Oh, Ed, wow. That is like, oh my gosh, man. Like you just, everything you're just dropping right now. I'm just like, I hope everyone is taking notes. If you haven't been taking notes, I want you to take a screenshot right now of where we're at right now because that's what you're going to have to listen to again. So take a screenshot, share it, tell everyone to go to this segment, listen to that over again because I think what I'm hearing, you know, is that this is a lifestyle. Like this is a mindset. It's a lifestyle. It's an everyday, every moment way to live. This isn't just in the big business you're building.

1:31:21Jay Shetty:This is me telling my wife I love her one more time. This is me making sure I message my mom one more time. It's me making sure that when I'm sitting here with you, I'm always going to have to ask you one more question. I will never end. Because you keep giving so much. No, but you keep giving so much. Well, that's what you just said. It will never end. I think that people feel like they tried a lot and then they start building up resentment and like pain and bitterness towards that path. And a lot of people also that I know, they just think that there are some people that are meant to be. I agree with this.

1:31:57Jay Shetty:And then there are some people that are not meant to be. That's correct. And they carry that with them. And it comes from this like, oh, yeah, you were meant to be this or that person was meant to have it. But for me, this is where, and I heard that kind of come up in what you were saying to your dad, like it doesn't happen to people like us. How does this rule, how does this principle apply to someone who's in that space? Brother, best question ever. Because I grew up with no, you have an alcoholic dad or a drug addict, or maybe you come from divorce, or maybe your parents just didn't love you enough, whatever it was, didn't tell you they loved you enough.

1:32:28It's hard to have self-confidence. I was a little guy, I got bullied in school. And I just, and even at this age now, bro, So if I'm being completely honest, self-confidence, we all teach that it's part of keeping the promises you make to yourself. But what if you raise the standard a little higher? You keep the promises you make to yourself, plus one more. Because for me, self-confidence didn't come easy. I think in life, ultimately, you're going to get what you believe you deserve. And if you're wound up wired like me, I didn't think I deserved a lot. I didn't even have a dad who could stop drinking, right?

1:33:04I wasn't six foot four. I don't have an incredibly high IQ. There's nothing really that impressive about me, nor were people very impressed with me most of my life. So that was my pattern. That was my history. That was my memory. And so I could wait around until I developed tremendous self-confidence, or I could begin to do things every day that were small. They're not major. And over time, when I did those one more calls, that one more meeting, that one more book I read, that one more podcast, not only am I doing more reps so the likelihood of me being successful is bigger but I started to convince myself I'm doing things other people aren't willing to do maybe I deserve things other people aren't going to get and slowly but surely I started to convince myself I did deserve it based on what I was doing not necessarily the caliber of my talent yeah yeah that was the

1:33:58Jay Shetty:difference yeah you you just there's a thought I've been having recently and it's that comfort Discomfort creates self-care, but discomfort creates self-respect. Oh, boy. I love that. Right? It's what you're saying. I love that. That the one more discomfort every day, that's where self-respect comes from. Yes. You don't - Great term. Yeah. You don't start to trust yourself or build self-esteem or believe in yourself because you just say it to yourself. It's coming what you just said. You got out there and take one more meeting and see what you learn. You got out there and take one more risk, one more discomfort.

1:34:33And I guarantee you, if you have a successful or happy friend, whichever, how you would determine that, and you ask them this, they'd tell you that we're right. They would tell you, gosh, that's right. It's right. And the difference between winning and losing, happiness and sadness is so small, it's almost scary to talk about. But the good news is I think I kind of know what it is, and it's this one more.

1:34:53Jay Shetty:Absolutely. The people that I know that are the most successful and happy have more uncomfortable conversations. Agreed. They have more uncomfortable days. they have more discomfort in their lives yes totally but selected discomfort but one of the other things that i'm asking from now i'm like going into like the people that i know that that i'm thinking about i can see their faces and and i want them to know that i'm asking for them a lot of the time one more in the wrong direction that's right can also be really misguiding sometimes uh people and i know you're a person of faith too and so so we can touch on this sometimes we're climbing the mountain and we keep doing one more but we're actually going further away from who we are who we want to be our faith our partners right we've we know people who've built multi-billion dollar companies but lost their kids that's right or they've become famous and rich but they've uh their partner cheated on them or you know like we know a lot of those stuff and you know people who didn't do all of that that's happened too like it's it's both ways how does one use one more and make sure it's in the right direction that's a great question i i'm doing this now regularly because i've made some of those mistakes of just and what i do is i check in with myself one more time meaning it's important to ask yourself, what matters to me now?

1:36:19See, if we had this conversation 20 years ago, the things that mattered to me then are so different than what mattered to me now. But a lot of us keep operating out of what used to. Maybe you've achieved or pursuing a dream, and it's really truly no longer your dream. It's no longer your dream. When I was young, listen, we're going to do a podcast. You say, hey, I need you on the show. People are going to love you. You're going to get recognition. You're going to get all this acknowledgement. And that would have been my hot button, my need. I believe in the six human needs. My need was significance and recognition.

1:36:53And there's nothing wrong with that. It's wonderful. And so that's the button to get me to move would be significance, recognition. Well, I've been blessed the last 30 years or so of my life to have a beautiful abundance of significance and recognition. It's no longer what fills me. Now you get me to do an interview. You go, hey, I really think we could help some people. My big button in my life now is contribution. There was another stage in my life. It's still there. But hey, if you go there, you'll grow. I still want to grow. But I know me now. Right now, I'm in a season of my life that's contribution.

1:37:28It's giving. It's what fills my heart. And I think it's checking in with yourself one more time. What matters to me now? What do I want now? What's important to me now? What season? Maybe you're in a season where you need to rest. Maybe your spirit and everything about you is telling you, hey, it's time to feed you again. It's time to recharge. If that's the season, then answer that call. Don't play out of a past playbook. And so for me, that's the season I'm in now. And I'm sure that in five or eight more years, you know, there'll be something else. But I regularly, on a monthly basis, you recommend it in your book so beautifully about your relationship.

1:38:03Checking in. you have these strategies you teach about weekly and monthly and quarterly and yearly with your partner of checking in with them. I also recommend you check in with yourself and what matters to you now. And so for me, it's a matter of checking in now so that I don't lose my family in the pursuit of my business or lose me.

1:38:20Jay Shetty:Yeah. Lose me. Who am I anymore? And I've had times where I'm like, this doesn't feel like me anymore. Yeah. And I had at least the ability to at least acknowledge that and make a change. Yeah and I love that you brought up seasons because I feel like no one and on planet earth we don't have the power to change the season but you have the power to live the season well. That's right. You can either be in the right now it's been raining right wherever we are. It's been like pouring down with rain there's all this effort. You could carry an umbrella well you can tell how I'm dressed. I'm definitely not dressed in my usual gear.

1:38:56Jay Shetty:Right. Because I'm I'm prepared because that's all I can do. I can't make the rain switch off. I can't stop it. I can't do that. And so I love hearing that you're just learning how to thrive in the season. And so if your season is telling you to rest, you can't force the season. And you have to live it through. You have to experience it. You know, I think you have to remember one thing, man. I think it's as easy as a person to forget this. And I just would love to say this because you have such an amazing reach.

1:39:43Been out here all morning, not a single bite, guess the fish finally figured it out.

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