Be the One Voice That Changes Someone’s Life

0:28So, Hey guys, listen, we're all trying to get more productive. $10 ,000 worth of courses that are in there that come with the app. Also, some of the top influencers in the world are all posting content in there on a regular basis, like having the Avengers of personal development and business in one app. And I'm honored that he asked me to be a part of it as well and contribute on a weekly basis, and I do. So go over there and get signed up. You're going to get a free tuition-free voucher to go to an event with Brendan and myself and a bunch of other influencers as well. So you get a free event out of it also.

0:53So go to growthday.com forward slash ed. That's growthday.com forward slash ed.

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1:45This is The Ed Myron Show. All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. Very excited about this week's topic. I think you're going to love it. I think you're going to want to share today's episode. I want to talk to you today about becoming an encourager. And this is not something really ever discussed in leadership or personal development, in self-help. And quite frankly, I don't have a lot of talents or skills, but many, many years ago, I decided I made an intentional decision to become an encourager of people. You do that, you're one in a million in the world because most people aren't encouraging or if they are, they're not conscious about it in any way, shape or form.

2:27So I want you to really lean in this week because I'm going to throw so much out. You know how we do the podcast here. This is like a course every single week. And so I want you to think about this. Do you want to be unique and do you want to stand out in the world and really make a difference in your private or business life? If you do, if you could start to just become intentional about being an encouraging person. And by the way, to me what encouraging means is to infuse courage into another person. When we discourage, we remove courage from somebody. Most people live in the middle. They're neither.

3:02They're not overly discouraging, but they're not over the top in their encouragement of people. And the main reason most people aren't encouraging of others is they don't believe they have enough value to encourage somebody. They think, well, why would anybody care what I think? and you would be blown away how much there are human beings right now. There's somebody right now in your life or that you will run into in the next 24 hours who just a little bit of encouragement from you could completely change the trajectory of their day and potentially their life. And you may be the only person that comes into their life for years who even breathes one word of encouragement into them.

3:42And I'm going to talk about all the things that change in you when you become somebody who looks to encourage. So the first thing is you've got to become intentional. I'm going to begin to encourage people. I'm going to give you the distinctions between flattery and encouragement and compliments and encouragement. Those are different things. But if you wanted to know if I have a private superpower in my life, it's my ability to connect with people. If you've watched my interviews, you'll notice I encourage them as we're progressing through the podcast. It's not even a strategy anymore. It's just a part of who I am.

4:14It's who I want to be that when I get to heaven someday I want there to be thousands if not millions of people that i've encouraged I hope this podcast does if you count the podcast then we've got You know, maybe a hundred million people who i've had the blessing of encouraging. So let's just think about this number one There is enough discouraging people in the world and enough discouragement Which by the way is to remove courage from somebody that we don't need any more of those when you encourage you literally are infusing courage into somebody and believe it or not Yourself let me say that to you again when you encourage others you have elevated yourself You've elevated your own vibrational frequency You are acting more christ-like when you encourage and you are elevating your own self-esteem You want to have a hack to increasing your own self-esteem your own self-confidence Simply encourage other people See how you feel not just the first time or the third time but the 33rd time when you begin to be a human who operates in the world as someone who looks for places and situations to encourage others.

5:18Watch what happens to the way the world begins to respond to you and how you feel about yourself. George Adams said, encouragement is oxygen to the soul. Your soul as the encourager gets that oxygen as does the recipient. So number two, what's the difference between encouragement versus flattery. True encouragement, listen, is specific, it's honest, and it's focused typically on effort or character, not just results or appearance. See, most people, they think, well, I'm encouraging. Hey, you're awesome. You're amazing. That's not specific. That's a compliment. That's flattery. That doesn't hit with most people.

6:01Okay. If you only exercise a positive message to somebody, when they perform, that's flattery. That is not encouragement. Encouragement is not focused on the consequence or the result ever. It's focused on the effort or the character of the person. And let me say something to you. When you encourage somebody about something specific about them that they intuitively know to be true, you have made a connection with them that maybe less than five people in their life has. What I mean by specific is things like, hey brother, I just want to tell you, I admire you so much for how deeply you love your family and how willing you are to sacrifice for them.

6:43Specifically, this situation I saw you in. Now, that person, if they say intuitively, I do love my family, I will sacrifice for them. It multiplies it by a factor over 100 in my mind. When you tell somebody something they hope to be true, have a hallucination that's true about themselves, maybe a glimpse into, and then you say, yep, it's true. You've connected with them. As a leader, you have connected with them in a way that no leader probably ever has. As a parent, as a friend, as a stranger, when you say, I see this in you, and they go, you know, I kind of have always seen this in myself as well, but no one's pointed it out.

7:20Now you're connecting with them in a very unique and authentic way that almost nobody ever has in their life. I really want to challenge you to be specific with your encouragement, which means you need to take the time to truly be present with someone and read them and perceive them. Number three is you have to have the courage to encourage. Actually, my opinion about it is that if you're a believer, that you're actually seeing Christ in them, that most people intuitively kind of have a hunch that they've got two or three things about them that are special, but the world never notices it. Nobody ever acknowledges it.

7:52I mean, if you're a singer, if you're Beyonce, clearly your gift is very noticeable. Or if you can dunk like LeBron James, right or hit a baseball like Aaron Judge those skills are very easy to see or someone's got incredible intellect and they get straight A's all the time but for the vast majority of us our talents our giftedness our Christ in us isn't noticed by most people and it's never pointed out to us and we never feel great about ourselves and the other thing that happens is because we operate in the world this way and we don't encourage other people we don't feel great about ourselves.

8:29And so what really number three is this, what you really require is courage. You have to have the courage to encourage. You have to have the courage to do it because it's a little bit awkward at first. It's a little bit, it's not appearance, right? It's not that, oh, you look beautiful today. That's not, that's not encouragement. That's flattery. So the most meaningful, courageous act you'll ever engage in is to encourage others. Words of affirmation and confirmation given to people has the potential to change the world. One encouragement at a time. When encouraging, be deliberate and be intentional.

9:02Be descriptive and be specific. Declarative. This is almost like speaking prophecy to somebody. Display. When possible, say it in front of their partner, their peers, parents, or children. My friend Phil Muncy was messaging me about this and he's 100 % right. And then if you can take your encouragement to a completely different place, watch this. Talk great about people behind their back. Let it get back to them. You want to multiply encouragement? The best thing you've ever heard, isn't it? You should have heard so-and-so talking about you. Man, Joe loves you. Here's what he told me about you.

9:36So not only being encouraging to someone's face, you want to multiply it? Be encouraging about people behind their back. There's enough of this gossip, right, in the world. This is like reverse gossip. The impact is amazingly powerful and they will find out eventually What if you just became that person you're encouraging about people when you're in their presence, right? You look you're specific you're declarative you're descriptive and at the same time when they're not around when you're with other people You're the one person who's constantly encouraging people who aren't even present This you just become a very unique and special human being like this If there's any part of you right now thinks there's nothing special about me I just gave you the thing that now immediately makes you special One in several million humans is encouraging to people and especially encouraging Behind their back when no one's around when they're not around and it does get back to them and it does multiply it You want the double whammy tell me to my face something encouraging Tell a bunch of other people the same thing about me when i'm not there and let it get back to me The bottom line the giving of encouragement has a reward remember this flattery expects encouragement respects Proverbs 18 21 talks about the power of words Death and life are in the power of the tongue Words can heal or harm Choose to speak life into others Why do I know this in all honesty when I was a younger person?

11:05I used my gift to communicate I think to do more harm than good I was harsh. I was critical of people. I refrained from giving praise very often You had to really earn it with me and there's some power to that but I think my words harmed more than healed and when I made that shift To becoming an encourager of people the biggest change was in me The biggest change was the way the rest of the world responded to me I'm pretty sure I could attribute maybe 95 of the wealth I have to a date after I became an encourager of people. Isn't that interesting? So I want my words to heal people. And you go, well, Ed, that's great.

11:45But most of us are just neutral. So be better than neutral or you're going to have a neutral life. Be better than average or you're going to have an average life. There's very few things that you can control. There's your attitude and your activity. And then there's this, your overall outlook and the way that you interact with humans. And again, I know a lot of you are like, Ed, no one cares what I think. Yes, they do. Yes, they do. It matters what you think. Okay, number five, be present and pay attention. Encouragers are listeners first. Notice what's going on in other people's lives and then speak into it.

12:21Empathy is the seedbed of meaningful encouragement. Number six, encourage effort, not just outcome. Celebrate the process. Give them courage to start. perseverance and growth, not just the win. So I love to encourage people who are just in process. I love to encourage people who are just starting. I love to encourage people who are just persevering and their growth. You know, a lot of times, you know, you started a business, you're not making any money or you're, you know, right now I'm, I've lost, I think it's 28 pounds in a very short window of time. But I don't know that I really look that much different.

12:56I mean, maybe I'm a little bit leaner, but the fact of the matter is there's a part of me that's growing and it's not the physical part. It's the mental and emotional part that says, man, I am only putting into my body the food that I said I would. I am training when I don't feel like it. I am doing all the things I said I was going to do and so although maybe all the external results aren't there yet, the growth is happening and it's been really cool to have friends of mine encourage me, hey man, this is great, you know, and it's not you look great, that's a compliment, that's flattery, it's hey, I'm proud of you, brother.

13:29I know how bad that back's hurting of yours and you're overcoming that pain and you're getting in there and knocking it out anyway. That's what impresses me about what you're doing. That's a description of encouragement versus flattery. Flattery, oh, you look great. Okay, go deeper. So imagine it's midnight, you're on the couch, you're scrolling through this new website, hitting the add to cart button, and you decide to check out, but you remember that your wallet or your credit card is in the other room and you don't want to get off the couch. That's okay. You don't need to because there's that big iconic purple shop button.

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15:43Number seven, model encouragement consistently. be the kind of person that others can count on for really honest support not just occasional praise i have a friend uh this week john gordon who's got a big event happening in town and i may or may not be able to get there it's in a few days yes i just picked the phone up and messaged him hey brother i love you i'm praying for you so proud of you for putting this event on i know how hard it is i'm sure today's a stressful day and i just want you to know it's going to go incredible and only you could pull this event off i told him but i said more than that brother i'm just proud of the man you are, but because you're such a great man, all these people want to be at this event, the speakers to support you.

16:23And I could tell you that I regularly do that with my friends. It's not just occasional praise. Hey, I heard you had a great meeting. Whatever. You know, happy Father's Day, happy birthday. That's occasional praise on the 80 other messages they got that day. Stand out, model it consistently. Think about this. What if you just tactically, strategically, intentionally just said, okay, I heard my Let's Podcast today. I like it. I'm going to start just intentionally being better at this. By the way, at the end, I'm going to encourage you, just pick one person when this is over and encourage them. Text, phone call, email, you name it.

17:00Walk over to them if they're near you. Number eight, encourage multiplies. Encourage people become encouragers themselves. It's almost like lighting candles from one flame. One flame lights the next, next, next, next, next. You're actually creating a ripple effect in the world. You're actually changing the world one person at a time. The ripple effect in our life is something most of us never calculate on anything that we do. We don't think about the ripple effect of any of the good things we do. We just think about the one person we've helped. There's a ripple effect. When you encourage people, they become more encouraging of other people.

17:33Here's a couple of quotes about encouragement. This one's unknown, own, but I love it. A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success. So many people right now are in a stage of their life where they need you. They're struggling. They're hurting. It's not going the way they want. And most people are waiting around until they succeed to praise them. But very few people intervene and go, I want to encourage you right now. You're making a great effort. It matters. I'm proud of you. You're overcoming. You're building resiliency. You're learning. You're growing.

18:04It may not be showing up, but I see it. I just want you to know, I see your growth. I have a driver that drives me at a particular event that I speak at very regularly. And he was driving me a couple of weekends ago. And he's a fan of mine in the beginning, but we've become friends. And he said, Ed, he said, I just got to tell you, I'm so proud of you. And I said, why? He goes, I just seen you grow in your faith so much. I've seen it. Like you probably don't see it because it's in your life. I've seen you're just a little gentler, a little slower, a little kinder, a little... You always were, Ed.

18:37But it's a different level now. And I just want you to know, brother, I see it in you and I'm very proud of you. Now, you would think, well, he's my driver. He was my fan. And why would that matter? It mattered deeply. Because he had no incentive in doing it. There's no above and below in life. There's just people. and when you begin to think of yourself as below or above you're delusional this was a man who i have admiration for for reasons far beyond that he drives well he's actually somebody who's prayed for me he's encouraged me to read more scripture we're actually both reading the bible cover to cover this year together we decided it he's a friend and i think one of the reasons we bonded as friends is i started early in our relationship encouraging him and you know what that made him It changed him into an encourager all the way back full circle to where now he encourages me And i'm mentioning it of all the encouragement i've received in the last month on my show to several million people That meant that much to me It meant that much to me.

19:38So yeah, there's no below or above in life We're just humans And a word of encouragement goes a long way number 10 what encouragement is and what it isn't It's not flattery as I said or empty praise. It's truthful specific and life-giving life-giving you're breathing life into somebody encourage effort as i've said growth and all of that this quote by dave willis just keeps standing out to me be an encourager the world has plenty of critics already man i gotta tell you something more than any time in human history i believe there are critics i believe it's our culture to criticize to tear down there's a whole industry out there of making fun of people online these people build nothing all they do is tear others down.

20:23The best news that spreads around the world is bad news. More than ever, you could stand out if you were an encourager. There are critics everywhere. They're a dime a dozen. They're losers. They're losers. You remember the cool guy in high school that was always kind of a funny dude who made fun of everybody? You know that guy? He still works at a liquor store in your hometown, doesn't he? Because people who pull people down, it's really funny in the moment and they go nowhere in their life. People who are neutral typically stay neutral in their lives. People who elevate who they are as a being and encourage other people, they go to the top.

21:05They go to the top. I want you to go to the top. So here's an example of how to do it. Instead of saying, you're amazing, say, I admire how you keep showing up even when things got hard. Okay. When you encourage someone, you equip them to encourage others. This creates a culture where people thrive, not just survive. If you're building a company, if you're a leader, become an encourager of people and not performance, effort and character. Now you've created a culture in your company where encouragement takes place. You've elevated the vibrational frequency, the performance of your company like that.

21:38And if you do it consistently over time, as I said earlier, here we go. You're now building a great company. I love spiritual and biblical truths to tie in. Theologians 5.11, listen to this. Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up. It's right there. So be specific. By the way, take all the scripture stuff aside and let's say, what does science tell us? Well, let's figure this out. Let's take a look. Verbal encouragement enhances physical performance, it turns out. A study published in the Journal of Sports Science has examined the effects of verbal encouragement frequency during maximal exercise.

22:13So it measured the frequency of encouragement during maximum effort exercise. They tested it. Participants who received verbal communication every 20 to 60 seconds showed significant performance in VO2 max, exercise time, and perceived exertion compared to those who received no encouragement or encouragement every 180 seconds. This suggests that frequent verbal encouragement can lead to greater maximum effort during physical tasks. If that's true physically, we definitely know it's true mentally. You imagine that? This is tangible, scientific, VO2 max, performance, the outlook on the performance as well.

22:51Weights lifted, times recorded, cardio extension, etc. All measured, all goes up when there's verbal encouragement every 30 to 60 seconds compared to none or infrequently every 180 seconds. So if you're not a scripture person and you're a science person, you need to be an encourager. Leo Biscaglia said, too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, all of which has the potential to turn a life around. To turn a life around. Number two, you want some more science stuff? Here we go. Peer encouragement boosts self-efficacy and performance in children. Research involving children performing endurance tasks found that those who received peer encouragement reported higher relation-inferred self-efficacy and demonstrated improved physical performance compared to those who did not receive encouragement.

23:42This highlights the role of social interactions in enhancing self-belief and task performance. We'll talk about self-efficacy a little bit, but this is basically your ability to lead yourself. Number three, check this out. Study again, Newcastle University. Visual cues of being watched encourage positive behavior. A study conducted by researchers at Newcastle University discovered that displaying images of staring eyes in a cafeteria led to a significant increase in patrons cleaning up after themselves. This phenomenon rooted in nudge psychology suggests that subtle cues implying observation can promote pro-social behavior.

24:26Why does that matter? when you encourage it tells someone you're watching and when people believe they're being watched everything about them changes morally ethically exertion effort and performance even to the point where they just see eyes on a wall in a cafeteria they're twice as likely to clean up after themselves because now they believe they're being watched why almost everybody you meet feels invisible. They walk into a room. No one notices them. No one greets them. If they do, they get light. Welcome. Good to see you. How's your day? If best human beings get flattery, you look great today.

25:10I love your smile. That's weak. Encouragement is what we've talked about earlier. It's deeper. Lisa Brevere said this. You've been given the rare opportunity to breathe belief into someone else. Just think about that. Right now, you're holding the power of your hands to any other human being to breathe belief into them, into their soul. My driver did that. Thanks, Frank. Very much, brother. I love you. Number four, praised, this is science, praised focus on effort encourages a growth mindset. Carol Dweck has great stuff. I love her work. Research, Her research says that praising effort rather than an innate ability fosters a growth mindset.

25:53Children who are commended for their hard work are more likely to embrace challenges and persist through difficulties as opposed to kids who are praised for their talents. You're so smart. You're so pretty. That's hollow. You work so hard. You overcome difficult things so often. I'm so proud of you. You see the distinction? It's right in the psychology. Number five, encouragement enhances enjoyment and reduces perceived exertion. A study showing sports science students revealed that teacher provided verbal communication during strength and endurance exercises not only improved performance, but also increased enjoyment and reduced perceived exertion.