Break the Patterns that Hold You Back & Start Creating Real Wealth | Ed Mylett

24:09I'm the master of teaching this. Go back through my content. Nobody puts out more specific content in teaching people the tools of how to choose the right habits, the right rituals, the right thinking, programming your brain. I do that at a level far beyond anybody out there. I'm not one of these influencers who just repeats mindless memes all the time, or I don't repeat the same sayings over and over again. I don't just tell you very basic things you could read in any book or go to any seminar. I go very deep, very tactical, very strategic. But having said all of that, no one's talking about choosing the intentional emotion we want, which is why we do all this stuff in the first place.

24:48So that when the stimulus happens, the win or the loss, the adversity or the success, the disagreement or the tragedy, consciously choosing in that moment to chase bliss anyway, that it may be a while till I get to it, but this pattern I'm going to run, the choices I will make, the decisions I choose, even though there may be some bumps between there, the end result is going to be more bliss. Choosing that emotion as your outcome. And remember, not choosing it is a choice. you've chosen to let an unconscious pattern run and you know where that's gotten you it's gotten to where you are right now listening to this whatever it is good bad or indifferent in your life your current level of happiness of joy of success of fulfillment is exactly what you think you deserve it's exactly what you think you're worth it's a hard thing to accept but in our lives we are getting out of our life right now exactly what we believe we're worthy of exactly what we think we deserve.

25:50Our life is a direct reflection of our identity, which is the thoughts, concepts, beliefs, values, and worth we hold true to be about ourselves. And so as hard as it is to accept, we're getting out of life right now what we believe we're worth. And we believe we're worth it because of these patterns and our identity and our lack of choosing to have what we want, not just the material things, not just the body fat, not just the body weight, not just the amount of money, not just having the relationship, but choosing the emotion we want. The level above all this stuff I discuss and the level way down here where the people discover the basic stuff, then there's what I've been covering.

26:28The highest level is to choose the emotions we want to experience and to begin to run patterns that serve us and eliminate the ones who move us further from them. The final thing I want you to ask yourself today is we're talking a lot about these choices. I want you to evaluate for a second what these patterns are you're running. And when they begin to rear their head, just identify them and begin to make decisions and choices that create a new pattern. It's as simple as it is. It's not that complicated. You've fallen into these patterns because there's a payoff. And so as long as you begin to identify it when it's happening and you begin to create a new pattern that leads you to the choice you've chosen, which is the emotion you want.

27:05See, because these patterns you run that don't get you there, the minute you choose the emotion you want. You're conscious about it and intentional. You can't run this pattern once you identify it. And the power of choice is critical in our lives. I want you to think about something right now. What are five of the most important choices you've made in your life? Just think about that for a second. Begin to list them off in your head. Five of the most important choices you've made in your life. Maybe it was a decision to get involved in a particular business or to leave a particular business. Maybe it was a decision to get involved with a particular person or to become uninvolved with a particular person.

27:45Maybe it was a friend that you chose to walk across the room and meet and it changed your life. Maybe it was a friend that you had to walk away from in order to improve your life. What are the five most important choices of your life? Just think about them for a second. And if you altered those five choices, good, bad, or indifferent, how different would your life be today? Because I'm a believer that there's everyday choices we make that when you stack them up, they make a massive difference in our life. But I'm also a believer that there are between five and 10, a handful of moments in everybody's life that if we make the proper choices in those moments, the complete trajectory of our life changes.

28:26And I think as you just asked yourself that question, you may say there haven't been five. There's been two. What were they? And how'd they alter the direction of your life? Good, bad, or indifferent? A lady that picked me up a few weeks ago, an Uber driver, wonderful woman. But she was an older lady, and it was late at night when she picked me up. And I asked her why she was doing what she was doing. It wasn't that she was driving for Uber, because that's a choice. And I have friends that do it, that love it. It's extra money. they've done it in retirement, but I just had a sense that maybe she hadn't chosen it because she was complaining about her back and that she had had back surgery.

29:02I thought that's an interesting choice to be driving at 11 o 'clock at night and her back was sore. And she shared with me that she had chosen to leave a spouse earlier in her life that she wished she'd have stayed with and that it was a choice that altered the whole direction of her life. And I said, well, how did it alter the direction of your life and she says well my my ex I moved away from my ex and my son wasn't around his father very much and she said I had no idea how that choice would impact him but she said the reason that I'm driving here and I moved is I lost my home and I lost my home because my 18 year old son one night chose to have a couple drinks and he had had three drinks at our house and I was at work and my son chose to take the car out of the driveway and he chose to drive and two blocks from our house he hit a family and killed somebody while drinking and driving.

30:00My son was a good boy. He'd always got good grades and he made the choice to do that that night and he's in prison. He's serving eight years in prison and I lost my home over the legal expenses and we've moved to Las Vegas and now I drive an Uber because that's what I've got to do just to support my family. And it made me think. She said, the choice to leave my husband really affected my son. And I thought, yeah, the choice your son made really affected his life. Those were two life choices that both of them made that altered the direction of both of their lives. His choice, that good boy, made one choice that altered the direction of his life.

30:35And I think if you evaluate, there may not be something that dramatic, but there's been probably five choices if you're my age, if you're in your 40s. There's probably been five major choices of your life. Maybe it's who you decided to marry or not marry, a relationship you got in or out of, a business you started or didn't start, something you left or began, a friend, a house you bought or didn't buy, an investment you did or didn't make, a decision you made in your fitness one way or the other. Maybe it's stopping using alcohol or using too much alcohol, the first time you tried a drug that you're now addicted to.

31:08I don't know what those choices are, but those handful of choices alter the direction of your life. And I want you to begin to become conscious of choosing the emotions you want because they will alter the choices you make every single day in the small choices. They will also alter the decisions you make on the five big ones in your life. If you're very clear about the emotions you want to experience, if you're very clear on the person you are as you build your identity, if you have those two things wired, I'm clear about the emotions I want to experience and I'm clear about who I am and my identity and my worth and what I'm worthy of and what I deserve They will guide you in making the right choices in the small ones and the big ones They will guide you towards the right patterns The answer to changing these patterns the answer to making the right choices is perfect and specific clarity on the emotions we want to have in our life on a regular basis and on who we are in our identity so that we produce the lives we believe we deserve that we're worthy of they will be your compass in making the small and big choices they will help guide the patterns if you're somebody who's addicted to being blissful and happy and you begin to run a pattern and program that you know doesn't lead you there it sort of blows it up it's like a virus in the program you'll be aware and you can't run it, you begin to choose to create new patterns.

32:30If you've got an identity of somebody who's worthy of great relationships and abundance and success and peace and fitness and health and all of the great things, if that's your identity, you won't be able to run patterns that lead you in this place on a regular basis. There is something called cognitive dissonance, which is when we begin to behave in a way that's not consistent with our thoughts. and the antidote to that is both of these things combined. It's the ability to begin to choose consciously the emotions we want combined with our identity. When you're conscious of choosing the emotions you want to experience and you're completely conscious of choosing who you are and what you're worthy of deserving, you have to act in congruence with both of those combined.

33:14One missing from the other can cause us to make poor choices. Both of them missing is a choice not to choose and will lead us into pain and mediocrity, worry, fear, and all the emotions we don't want. Having one of them in place will guide you to a decent destination. But when you have both combined, the identity and the choosing, the conscious intentions for the emotions you want, you begin to have great choices being made in your life on a very regular basis. Not every day, not every time, not every moment, but enough of the time where you make progress towards your dreams, progress towards the man or woman you're capable of becoming.

33:51And when you have the combination of these two things, these patterns begin to change. We begin to replace them. So I'd ask yourself today, what are the patterns you're running that don't serve you? Begin to be aware of those patterns. Know who your real identity is. Get conscious of choosing bliss over blank. See those patterns when they're happening. Interrupt them. Continue to work on your identity. These two things combined, I think, are the critical components to making the decisions and the choices in our life. that when we look back, I don't want you to end up in your 80s or 90s and regret the choices you made.

34:25I want you to go back. I put it through what I call the rocking chair test, that someday for all of you who I love so much, who I believe in so much, I want that rocking chair test for you, for you to pass it. And that is, I'm proud of the choices I made. My life wasn't perfect. I made some mistakes, but I chose the emotions I wanted. I worked on my identity. I created patterns that empowered me and the people around me. and you know what by and large I'm proud of the choices I made in my life I'm proud of the man or woman I've become that's how we know we've had a great life I don't want you to be in that rocking chair someday and regret the choices you made regret the patterns you ran and that you just unconsciously went through your life without choosing the direction of it choosing the decisions choosing the emotions choosing to be the man or woman you're worthy of choosing the life you deserve the final piece of the puzzle today is what are the three to five choices you must make in order to create the life you want.

35:23Right now, what are the choices you must make? The big ones, the people that need to be in your life or out of your life, the patterns you will no longer run again, the choice perhaps to work on your identity like you never have before. Evaluate what the three to five decisions are you've made so far in your life that have taken you a certain direction, or what are the three to five you need to make in order to change your life and take it in the direction you want. These patterns will lose their power over you. Your identity and your conscious choice will begin to take charge. And I know you're going to have more happiness and produce more results and have a much better life.

35:56And that's what I wish for you. So I have a funny feeling that today impacted you on a deep level because we all have these patterns we need to look at. We all need to consciously choose the emotions we want. And I have a feeling that it made a difference in your life. So guys, the last eight weeks or so, I have not been feeling on my game and I'm like, what the heck changed? What is it? Then I remembered. We switched from one of the places we lived to another, and I stopped taking IM8. I'll never do that again. IM8 is unbelievable. IM8 is the way to simplify your supplement routine once and for all.

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37:38Their fabrics are breathable soft and temp regulating so you're not overheating or tossing or turning too much. So upgrade your sleep with Bowl & Branch. Get 15 % off your first order plus free shipping at bowlandbranch.com slash mylet with code mylet. That's bowlandbranch, B-O-L-L-A-N-D, branch.com slash mylet. Code mylet to unlock 15 % off. Exclusions apply. Short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest. Hey, welcome back to the show, everybody. So listen, if you listen to this show, you listen to this show because you want to have a happier, more fulfilling, more successful life, more than likely.

38:27And I have as a guest here today for the third time on my show, I'm so honored. The living of all the living people on the planet, the person who's helped the most people do that. About that. The billions of people on this planet that have lived for the last 60 years, this man's helped more people have happy and fulfilling and successful lives than any other person, including me. And I'm honored to call him a friend. So welcome back. We're going to do that together today. Mr. Tony Robbins, welcome back to the show. Thanks, brother. Good to see you, Ed. I want to go to something you said. You used the word imagination earlier.

38:58And in my book, I wrote about this. I'm just curious as to, I don't want this to be Pollyanna either, because I know you and I are both very tactical and strategic. But I want to go to that for a minute. So I have this theory that, you know, I think children are happier than adults for the most part because they operate out of imagination, vision, dreams. That's their prism. And at some age, it could even be very young if you go through childhood trauma or whatever it might be. But at some age, almost all people, 99%, start to operate out of history and memory. And that's sort of their filter or their pattern of their life.

39:27It's history and memory. And I am asked often, how do I break that pattern? I think this all begins when you have fear, you go to history and memory, and then they're telling you what to believe. How does one begin to operate out of their imagination, imagine new skills, imagine a new life, uncover their version of their own genius? How does somebody do that, Tony? What's a skill or a strategy that you would recommend to somebody who says, I need to flip from this history and memory, these patterns I have, to creating new ones, and I think that starts in your imagination. How does somebody do that?

39:59you have to shift your physiology first. If you try to paint a compelling future, you know, why are people depressed? One of the main reasons people are depressed is they don't have a compelling future. In other words, you can deal with any tough today if you have a compelling tomorrow. Anybody can do that. But today people think, oh my God, I can't go outside. Oh my God, all my choices are taken away. Oh my God, we're all going to die in 12 years because of an environmental crisis, which is total bullshit. But there are people that have been taught this And there are kids today that are saying, I'm not going to have children because this is the world I'm entered into because they have no compelling future.

40:33But if you try to paint a compelling future when a person is in a lowered energy state, it won't work. They'll just reject it because in a lowered state, your brain goes into survival mechanisms. And the survival mechanism, you're always looking for what's wrong. What do I have to fight or what do I have to fly from or what do I have to freeze and hope it won't hurt us? That's the part of your brain that's 2 million years old, and it's well-wired. But we don't have a saber-toothed tiger to deal with. So now we worry about what people say to us, or will we have enough money, or what somebody's going to write about you in social media, and we have a similar reaction.

41:05The way you overcome that is the way you drive your nervous system. So I'll give you an example. When I was at my worst, and I was in a place where I gained 38 pounds, and I was feeling sorry for myself, and I come home one night, literally, I ran out of gas on Pacific Coast Highway in Venice. I had a little apartment down there and I didn't run a gas because, you know, I forgot to fill the tank. I literally had no money. I pulled over, locked the car and pray that it didn't get towed. Cause towed me 50 bucks. I didn't have 50 bucks. And then I walked a couple of miles home and I lived there on Pacific Avenue, 25, 16 Pacific Avenue, part in three.

41:39If you ever want to go by, I did recently. It's getting funny. But anyway, I walk up the stairs as a sun setting and there's a note typed and stapled on my door. And I don't know if you've ever had the joy of having one of these experiences in your youth, but it basically says you've not paid your rent. Remove yourself and your things. If you don't pay within three days, the sheriff will take your stuff and you will lose everything. So I open the door, I go into this place and I lit a candle and I didn't light it because I was spiritual. I lit it because I also not paid my electric bill. It's a true story.

42:10So I'm reading by candlelight my eviction notice. This is how low I'd gotten. And then if that wasn't enough, I get this banging on the door and I got three locks because I haven't paid anybody. right i'm looking through and it's a friend i've not seen in a couple years and i got a beer belly on me i'd grown out you know this shaggy little beard and i was just in the worst shape i opened the door partially what do you want he's like tony it's me you know i let him in he goes in my house which is this little four square foot bachelor apartment you can't even turn around i'm cooking on a on a hot plate on the trash can i'm washing my dishes in the bathtub and so after he left i was so humiliated the whole thing it's just it's like i got to do something i didn't know what i was doing that but now i understand what i did i hit rock bottom and it's like who i am is more than what i'm living spiritually mentally emotionally physically so i'm old enough to have had a walk man i think you might have had one absolutely and you had to really love your music in those days right because you had one cassette in there so i took this group called heart and i put up this song called barracuda i said i'm gonna run this beach till i spit up blood i'm just and i did i ran as hard as i could and when i thought i couldn't do anymore i ran harder and I got to the end of it and I had left this journal on the ground.

43:16I drew a line down the middle. I wrote everything on that list that I really hated that was in my life, which was most of my life. And then everything I was committed to changing. And I didn't have all the skills and tools I had today, but I had changed the ignition. It's like, you've got the greatest computer in the world. There's not enough electricity. Your screen's going to be messed up. Without that energy change, you're really not going to make the change. That's why everyone who comes to one my seminars, you know, it's a physical experience. You're not sitting on your ass for, you know, 12 hours.

43:44You're going 12 hours a day for three or four days. Now people are at home in 100 countries and they're going full tilt, like they're in a stadium for full time. And all of a sudden, their energy changes. Well, in that place, now we can start to create this compelling future. Now we can start to make the, and your nervous system says, I'm ready. You know, Stanford did a study, they came to me during the pandemic. That's fascinating. They said, Tony, we had two people go through your date with Destiny, a little six-day seminar I do. And they said they are both clinically depressed and they have no symptoms of depression.

44:15We've never seen anything like it. You know, what data you have on this? And I said, well, I have thousands and thousands, tens of thousands of testimonials. You go, no, but like scientific data. I said, that's not my focus. They said, do you mind if we did a study? And then they showed me something fascinating. 40 % of the people that get treatment for depression, and by the way, depression has gone through the roof since COVID and since all those limitations. I know, you know, suicide's gone through the roof and it's horrific, but only 40 % get better through treatment of drugs and therapy, right?

44:45SSRIs, you know, Prozac, Zoloft, all these things, right? 60 % don't get an ounce better. Of the 40 % that get better on average across the meta studies, they find they get about 50 % better. They're half as depressed as they were. Now, some people get totally better, some not at all, but that's the average. I said, that's not much better than a placebo. They said, you're right. I said, well, what's the best you've ever seen? They said two years ago, Johns Hopkins did a study where they took people for 30 days of psilocybin, magic mushrooms and therapy for 30 straight days. They got results that were four times greater than they've ever seen in history.

45:1753 % of the people 30 days later had no symptoms, never seen anything like it, but psilocybin is illegal. It's not really duplicatable. So they said, what if we model their study? We'll use the exact same criteria, but we'll have you with no drugs and have your people go through the seminar, we'll send people in that are clinically depressed and so forth. And so they did it. And the study with the results were so profound, they sent the data out to two different organizations blinded to get the data back because they wanted to make sure it was accurate before they reported it. 100 % of the people 30 days later after Date with Destiny had no symptoms of depression, but even better, 19 % of those people had suicidal ideation.

45:56none had suicidal ideation 11 months later 11 months after one week they changed so much their negative emotions have dropped 72 their positive emotions up 51 and now this last week two weeks ago i did another date with destiny and they did a study with 750 people with the largest study of its type but why does it work because we're not only helping people shift the way they perceive the world like you don't experience life you experience the life you focus on yes if you're focused on things that piss you off, you have to be deleting the things you could be grateful for. If you're grateful, you're deleting things that could piss you off, right?

46:32So by changing their beliefs and values, they do this, not me, there's a huge shift, but it's also the biochemical change. So they tracked my body for three years and they found crazy shit. Like, you know, you know, cause you're, you're an athlete, but you know, I jumped a thousand times in an average program on one day and I weigh, you know, 285 pounds. So every time I come down, it's four times your body weight. So imagine a thousand pounds times a thousand jumps, it's a million pounds of pressure. So I did my bone density and they go, these are humans. You know, this is great athletes. This is you and everything like it's like I'm a gorilla from just a demand, right?

47:07If you've been running with a friend and you can't talk anymore, it's because your lactate is at four. I'm at 18 and still speaking. Here's the most interesting thing. They track my audience and me and they found something really fascinating. There's a group that does studies on like Tom Brady on the Tampa Bay Lightning that's won multiple times in the, you know, the, what are you called Stanley Cup? And they found there's a place biochemically that people who are under stress perform at the highest level. It's why they win. And they call it the championship bloodstream. And what happens is your testosterone surges.

47:42So you have this incredible drive, but your, your cortisol, which is the stress hormone drops to the ground. So you think so clearly, that's why Tom Brady's down by 14 with too many. it's left and he comes back to win, right? Well, I produced that in my body. But what's even more fascinating, if you know about mirror neurons, everybody in the seminar, literally, because they did it to people around the world at home. And they mirror neurons, exactly the same biochemical change. That's why a year later, the change is there. If I said, where were you on 9-11? Everybody knows, even in foreign countries, they'll remember who they were with, what they saw.

48:16But if I say, were you on 8-11? Most people don't know because information without emotion is barely remembered. So I make sure those are merged and that's why we get these lasting changes. So it's not enough to just understand what to do or paint a compelling future. There has to be a shift in your identity and the way in which you feel physically. And that's why the combination is so critical. Okay, I'm going to tell you something I've never said out loud anywhere, and I haven't told you this. So by the way, thank you for calling me an athlete. And the reason I say that to you is I purposely adopted that identity at something you did.

48:48And I was an athlete. I was a college athlete, as you know, but then I sort of, I gained weight too. And people ask me all the time, you know, because I have been through several of these winters like you have as well. I'm fit I'm sure there's a vanity aspect to it a wellness a health aspect to it but for me it's my it's it's my neurochemistry being where I want it to be so I can make choices my imagination is open I am in flow state this has been the most critical thing and for years it was really just fitness people that were fit not business people but you had an event I don't you would you don't do this anymore you probably can't in culture today but I don't know if you remember but I was very young I'd gotten a little bit out of shape and back we're in Maui at one of your events you and I didn't know each other then and you did this thing where i've never said this before but i want you to know this you did this thing where you basically had the women in the room sort of ranked or lined up by their financial status do you remember this yes i do remember the dudes the dudes it was their fitness and and do you remember doing this of course because guys think they're hot when they're like a beer belly well so did i women can be totally beautiful and they're hard on themselves right yes yes but it changed my freaking life i'm on this call with you we're doing a podcast because of this moment so he has the women sort of say which guys are fit and then the fittest dudes get to walk up on the stage well i'm young i should be crushing this room at the time right there's a bunch of dudes in there that are in their 40s and 50s i'm like i don't know mid 20s early 20s and i don't get picked and then you're gonna sit there's the dude and watch the ladies in the room cheer for the hot guys and i wasn't picked and i remember going this is never gonna happen to me again and it wasn't it wasn't just that i wasn't picked it's like you aren't living the things he's teaching yeah and you need to change your physiology on a regular this was an indication that my physiology wasn't being shifted on a regular basis yeah it wasn't one of my patterns to shift my physiology i want everyone listening to this you have to have a pattern of shifting your physiology.

50:49That's right. It's in those moments, your genius flows, your imagination flows, these skills and tactics start to happen. And it also, I want you to speak to this. I just want you to know that I credit that with you with that experience. And I want everyone to know this, but I also want people to hear this. I want you to speak to this. If you would, I think the other thing that you and I, with the people that we see that are higher level achievers, they're preparation freaks you and i'm prepared today you're prepared but they have a lower threshold of what they think they need to know in order to step into action that's true right and so how does one build that because there's a lot of people going okay i gotta overcome my fear i gotta move my physiology i've got to anchor the right emotional state in but man i'm just ill prepared and you may be that may be true yeah but you think you have to be so prepared that you never move you never take action and now it'll be 2024 and we'll be on another call and you're going to want to get going again so how does one build that resourceful aggressive whatever you want to call it nature to go when they don't know everything well you've got to first see what's preventing it what's preventing it is everyone has the same two deepest fears all humans i don't care i've dealt with the greatest athletes in the world multi-billionaires you know guys in prison you name it kids we all are afraid we're not enough at some point if you feel like you're not young enough strong enough, old enough, mature enough, funny enough, rich enough, something enough for someone who you really want to be enough for, it brings up an even deeper fear, which is if I'm not enough, I won't be loved.

52:18And love is the oxygen of the soul. And if a baby is not kinesthetically loved, they develop what's called failure to thrive syndrome. We are a unique species in that love is our competitive advantage. If you're born as a baby and there's no mother or father there, you're a lizard, you live. But if you're a child, you die. We need each other. We have a long dependency on each other. You know, you know, some of the longest animals other than primates are like whales that are dependent for a year, but five years, 10 years, these years, 35 years, some people are still dependent on their parents to make sure things work for them.

52:50The great fear of mine with my kids. But the point is that those, that fear that we're not enough is what's getting in the way. And you don't get over it, you got beyond it. And the way you get beyond it is you just train yourself. And as you just said, that's why in the seminars, it isn't just the content. It's putting you in a state where the content can land. And when you put yourself in that state on a regular basis, those flows happen. Now you want daily practices as well. So, you know, every day I've got a variety of daily practices, but one of those things, I jump in freezing cold water every day, I think, you know, but I don't do it because I like it or I want it.

53:25There's never a day I look forward to it, but I don't hesitate. I don't negotiate with myself. It's both physically great because it flushes your blood and your lymph system completely. And you feel like a million bucks coming out of it, going in it is painful as hell. But it's like, I don't say in a minute when I'm ready or maybe tomorrow. It's like, I say, go, we go. So it's a mental training as well as it's a physical training. And when you do that over and over and then you say, I'm going to do this, your brain doesn't negotiate. You've trained your own mind. A lot of people have these discussions in their own head back and forth.

53:55And that's just a habit. All these things are patterns. You know, I get up and I do my priming, which is putting myself in a state for just 10 minutes, a form of meditation, but it's a directed meditation. I think of three things I'm grateful for about a minute each and I live them. I don't remember it over there. I get in the roller coaster as it's going down and feel it. And I get associated to what I'm most grateful for because gratitude destroys the two emotions that mess up your life, which are fear and anger. You can't be angry and grateful simultaneously. You can't be fearful and grateful.

54:27So I train my nervous system every day to start with that. Then I do this form of a prayer of blessing. Then I do this three to thrive, which is a minute each on what I really want to make happen. But I don't think about making it happen. I see it as done and complete. And I train my brain to feel celebratory in that area. And in 10 minutes, I've changed my body. I've changed my mind. And then my third discipline is I usually text or call someone to leave a message of sincere acknowledgement. Because I like to start my day to brighten somebody else's day. But I don't ever bullshit. I don't go, oh, you're cool.

55:00I'll go, listen, I saw last Thursday, you know, in the meeting, you did this and this and this. I just thought that was so amazing. I just want to thank you for being that kind of person. And so it starts my day with momentum, physical momentum, mental momentum, relationship momentum. So there's disciplines like that. Then there's my workout, just like you, right? You know, you have your workout. You look great, by the way. I make sure in that workout, I do something that's incredibly difficult so that I'm always pushing a little bit stronger, getting a little bit better in some area. And then what that does is it creates a foundation that when winter's here, you go, give me winter, bitch, you know, bastard.

55:36I'll rip through this shit. I don't care what it is you want to do. I'm ready. But most people, you know, they're living their life in front of a screen. A lot of people today, they're living at home, right? Their shoulders are down. They're breathing like this. They get distracted by all the things around them. There's no energy really on a vital level. And then so what happened, there's no stimulus from being at the office for some people anymore. And so what happens is people's lives have gotten down to a low level of energy. If you forgot everything else that I teach you skill-wise, financially, emotionally, business, all those tools, but all you did was constantly increase the strength and energy in your body as a resilient source, you're going to find the answers.

56:15Whether I taught them to you or somebody else, you're going to make up the answers. Guys, this is a hundred. Yeah, I guess I interrupt you, but I have to say this. It's so this is true what he's telling you. Okay, not that you need me to second something Tony Robbins is saying, but he's right. I've lived it. He's 1000 % right. Do the things we're talking about. These will make changes for you. The other thing he added to that that I must say that is brilliance is that when you are feeling helpless, get helpful, help people. He had a video out recently that you recorded you about the feeding the families this year.

56:47You were so emotional. It moved me because I know how this is the richness of your life is helping other people. It's the same in mine. And I think people think, well, once I get over the stuff I need, then I'll do these things. That's what they think. They think once I get my own stuff handled, then I'll be that person. No, you'll get that stuff handled when you're that person. And I'm writing. I just want to say one thing about you with that morning message. And the FBI did this study recently, I know you know about it, where they're talking about the releasing of hostages. And how do you get a hostage release?

57:19And is it when someone's taking a hostage? Is it is it the fact that you meet their demands that actually you get the hostages back? Actually, it's about the same whether you meet the demand or you don't. Believe it or not, there's a 2000 times greater likelihood of the hostage being released. If the person who took the hostages believes you understand why they did it. That's right. That they feel seen. And one of the things when if you want to be seen as a person, see other people. I have this thing I do, Tony, I'm writing a book about it right now. Let me tell you about you. I love doing that with friends.

57:48Let me tell you about you. But something, he said, not you're awesome, or you're cool, or you're fun. Something really true that they go, that is true. I did do that. I do have that. So I just want to acknowledge the brilliance of what he's sharing with all of you. I'll tell you an interesting I'll tell you a two second story about that it's interesting I remember when I was going to my 10-year high school reunion when I was in school I was really a driven kid and I was not popular I was popular with certain girls more like more friend girls than anything else I had like all the cheerleaders on my side I became student body president but I ran in like a real thing I went to all the different groups and said what do you want to do and I went to the principal and I said I don't think this will work but I think I can make this happen.

58:26So it taught me that if you're sincere, even if you weren't popular, that you could have the kind of impact. It was a real shaping experience for me. And so, but I remember I had some guys specifically that were older than I was that were competitive with me and were really brutal. I was 5 '1". They were like, you know, my head nose guard was 6 '6". And he just would brutalize me, come and pour milk over my head. And so now my 10-year high school reunion comes up. And so I'm going to be what, 28 years old. You know, I've become I'm pretty successful. I've got books and I'm having impact around the world.

58:58And, you know, I've been seeing all over the world. So I'm getting ready to go. And I got kind of, I don't know, I got really uncomfortable. And part of it was I realized, like, I don't know, like, I don't know if I even relate to any of these people. I don't know if they'll even remember me or anything else. And I remember calling my mom and my mom was an interesting character. And rarely did she have advice, but she, I was talking to her, I was driving in the car up there. And I always imagined I'd go up there in my limousine and, you know, I'd have the three women in my life that would be there or whatever that was, you know, it was my picture as a stupid boy, right?

59:30And, you know, I had a limousine at that point. It was funny as hell, but I didn't take it. I took the least expensive car. I drove myself. And I'm talking to my mom on the phone and I said, she goes, what are you doing? I said, I'm going up my 10-year high school reunion. And she goes, wow. She goes, you feel funny. There's something funny about you right now. I said, what do you mean funny? And she goes, I know what it is. you were so different in high school. And you're thinking about you're not one of them. And you're going up there. She was so intuitive. And I said, Well, I guess, yeah, I think you're right.

59:59She goes, honey, you know, one seminar, you touch more lives of people than your entire high school of a couple 1000 people. She goes, you know, look what being different got you. And I remember after you hung up the phone, I realized, you know, I'm so focused on well, how will I connect and all this bullshit, which I never would think normally, because normally I'm thinking about how to give. I'm not like, how do I receive? And so I started thinking I was driving up there about the people I might bump into and some of them that actually kind of tortured me at the time. And I thought, you know, I'm going to get fascinated by their lives.

1:00:32I'm not here to talk about mine or tell them how great it is. I'm not going to do that. And I remember, you know, you go to your high school reunion. I don't know if you ever did this, but they have the old picture of you when you're in high school. And I had, you know, hair down beyond my shoulders and, you know, and I was this little guy. And so I walk in and I'll never forget the first guy that comes up to me. He didn't recognize who I was. And he looks, his eyes were at the level of my chest here with my side. And he goes, Tony, he looks like this. It was the guy that used to torture me, right?

1:00:56It was the guy. I was kind of hard on you. I was kind of rough. And I said, you know what? I deserved that. I had a really bad mouth. I didn't have much respect. I was telling me about you. And I spent the whole night going around talking to people about them, nothing about me. And I really focus on others you disappear it's like i used to have these long mission statements and change the earth and all that now my mission statement is really simple how can i help it's like every day i get phone calls from people somebody's got cancer somebody you know i've done so much in the health area somebody's got something in their business somebody knows somebody's got a challenge it's like how can i help and nothing makes me more grateful so i think people as you grow you know hopefully you know you and i are at a stage of life where we can mentor people because we've been through so much crap, right?

1:01:42You know, you know, overcome so much. And my hope is that the people that listen to you that listen to Ed personally, I endorse Ed as a friend because Ed lives this stuff. I mean, there's very few people that live it. And it's one of those I love you and respect you. You work out, you train, you do this stuff. You're not somebody just interviewing other people. You're somebody who lives it. And that unfortunately is rare. But when you find those rare people, you want to learn from them because we all become unlike who we spend time with. And the good thing about a podcast is you get to spend time with somebody like Ed.

1:02:11I think it's fantastic. That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Milet Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest. Welcome back to Max Out, everybody. I'm excited about today's show. I was a little nervous, too, when we were booking this. But I got to tell you something. Today's going to be one of those. You're going to share it with people, and there'll be definitely conversations about it because of who my guest is. he's a psychic medium, but he's been a guy that I followed for about two decades.

1:02:39And I've been fascinated by and interested in, and now that we've connected in person, I consider him a friend. So I'm excited. John Edwards, thank you for being here, brother. Thank you for having me. Everyone listening to this, including you and I, wants to improve our life to some extent. We want to find another level of happiness, another level of bliss, another level of contribution. We want to help more people. That's what everybody wants. But people fall into patterns. In fact, humans are patterns to some large extent, right? And that's another part of this energy piece I want you to talk about, but in the terms of humans and their patterns, because I've watched people, they've got a brand new business they're all excited about, but they still run these same thought patterns, these same energy patterns in their life, or they're in a new relationship.

1:03:20So there's a new person, but somehow they run a pattern of every relationship they've been with just a new person in the relationship. They don't change the pattern. So do you notice those things? And is there any advice you give to somebody on that every day every client every group every zoom everything i'm doing it's to get people to recognize what are those patterns and i'll say to them you know you're coming to me right now because you want to fix your grief i can't fix your grief i go i could raise your awareness i go here's the difference you need to plug your phone into the outlet to charge it you want to plug into me I go I'm I'm just an anchor anchor block you know I'm saying I can give you a little bit of a boost right now I go but when you go back to not being around me your phone's gonna be almost dead again I said so you need to figure out how do you charge your own phone right and you got to charge your own phone in your own way not in my way I could share with you what works for me but that's the that's like the equivalent of somebody like you know hiring a nutritionist and getting a gym membership and doing nothing with either one of them and going i'm fat like i can't lose any weight you know and like that that that is the like if you ever come to me like that's the place not to go because i'm brutal but people like you know am i ever gonna lose weight drop the fork join a gym like do a diet like don't ask me questions like that so from from a pattern standpoint you can get you can get physical fitness and weight.

1:04:46You can understand if you don't make changes, you don't see results. So this is energetic fitness. If you don't make changes, you won't see results. You're going to see the same thing. And oh my God, with the excuses that people make. So if they come to a person like yourself, or they work with a life coach, or if they go for a reading and you see the potential of opportunities where they can make changes and they give you all the reasons why that can't happen. Why are we talking? It's like, you got to be willing to make the changes. You're not going to negotiate with malignancy. You're going to cut it out.

1:05:18Right? Wow. So it's like, okay, are we going to talk to our cancer? Or are we going to get rid of it and treat it? So you've got to figure out what's the toxicity in you. So, again, real world example. I like to work with both medical doctors as well as holistic approaches. So one of my doctors has a holistic approach. And he said to me, I noticed that you have a lot of fillings. And I go, I do. So he goes, we need to get rid of some of the mercury. Great. No problem. So you gave me a directive. I'm going to go do it. So I talked to my dentist. I don't have a lot of time and schedule. I might've made the mistake of doing it all in one sitting.

1:05:53A six and a half hour day where all of it was done. Dental dam, did the whole thing. Go back to my doctor and he notices and he says, oh wow. He goes, how often did you go? And I go, doc, I did it in one day. He goes, sit down. And I go, what? He goes, we're doing a mercury test on you. I scored the highest level of mercury that he's ever seen in his entire career. and he goes now we're gonna do a chelation treatment and i'm like okay what does that mean he goes it means that we're gonna be sitting here and we're going to do a chelation we have to pull the mercury out of your system as best so i had like two or three chelation treatments over a period of time to be able to get rid of the mercury so now i laughed and said okay i'm psychic should i have known that right no no i should not have known that should i have done my research to know that yes but what i did was i looked at my schedule and said oh my god i can get it all done right here right now and let me get it out of the way not always the best idea yeah sometimes you need to do things and and you have to be able to and i should have known better honestly because i use an analogy i say you can't frost the cake until it's baked and right now we have the ingredients sitting on the counter and you can't talk about the frosting so i frosted the cake before it was baked that's so interesting i pay for it do that so before we start the interview with my next guest just want to remind you all that you can subscribe to the show on youtube or follow the show on Apple or Spotify.

1:07:11We have all the links in our show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now on with the show. All right. Welcome back, everybody. I'm pumped about today because I've asked this lady, I think 63 to 163 times to be here with us today. And she's finally graced us with her presence. And the reason that I wanted her today is I think she's so special, so unique, one of a kind in the space that we all exist in here. And she has a book out right now called Happy Days, The Guided Path from Trauma to Profound Freedom and Inner Peace. And man, after reading this book, is she qualified to talk about this stuff?

1:07:45So Gabby Bernstein, welcome to the show today. So glad you're here. You see, you talk about IFS therapy in the book. There's so many things like this too, but you touched on this trigger thing and then your pattern. So let's talk a little bit about triggers and patterns, because I think even that terminology may be new to most people, right? People that have been in therapy, they're probably familiar with that. or even if they know how to, they read some of my stuff on changing their state and being a peak performer, they know how to create a trigger and patterns. But do you feel like, so discuss that for a second, but do you feel like also like just being aware of the pattern, like what you just said, like, all right, I'm doing it again, that to some extent, the awareness of the pattern can help it lose its power and grip over you.

1:08:23Absolutely. And actually, that's actually one of the first X that is the first exercise in the book, which is really about witnessing your triggers, how do you feel? And then what are you doing to run from them? What that's doing is in IFS language, internal family systems therapy, it's nothing to do with family therapy, although it kind of comes from that core model, but it is based on your inner family. Inside of us, we have multiple different parts. So we have these child parts, the little boy, Ed, whose dad was an alcoholic and wasn't telling the truth and you know, whatever the storyline is, those little exiled parts, little boy, he's locked up.

1:09:05He's like under lock and key, you know, he's there, but he's like real down there in the dungeon. You know, we're not talking to him, lock him up. And then we've got all these protector parts. I'll speak for my own, right? My little girl, she's locked up in the little girl that was abused. She's locked up, but my protector parts are the controller, the cocaine addict, right? Even though I'm in recovery, that addict part is present. The, the out knives out is one that I call the outrage part of me that wants to be like, you mess with me, you mess with death row. Like I am going to come after you.

1:09:36And so all these parts are very extreme and they're very protective. And often you might consider them bad habits. You might be looking at it and say, Oh, that's my, my, you know, my, the, the, the part of me that's, that wants to go pick up a drink because I can't feel that. Or the part of me that just wants to zone out and freeze because I can't handle this. You know, so we have all these different protection, protective mechanisms, but they're really in IFS called protective protector parts. They're not bad. These parts are very valuable. They have had a very important role in our inner system.

1:10:10And the role is to keep us safe from the extreme terror, shame, and fear of these exiled child parts. Gosh, Gary, so good. Can I ask you about that? So like when you're looking at yourself, everybody, one of the things that I discovered in Gabby's book, and it did like, I'm reading the book and it's pretty emotional for me because, you know, the sort of trauma I've had in my life, maybe there were parts of it that were very different than how I thought they affected. Like I'll give you one crazy trigger, stupid example with me for everybody. And you, when I go on the road and I'm traveling and I'm speaking and stuff, I often get room service and I'll eat in.

1:10:47And it's just really weird. I've said this like 20 years on shows and stuff. I'm like, I'm just introverted. So I kind of hide out in the room. And then I realized something as I'm reading your book, I sort of had this flash of like all the restaurants we would go when I was a kid, if my dad was drunk and the confrontations that would happen in there and the shame and embarrassment of my dad yelling at a waiter or whatever in these restaurants, in public restaurants. And I just like, I got emotional reading the book. I'm like, oh my gosh, that's why the restaurants it's triggered for me. I don't want to go in these places.

1:11:17I've had multiple experiences in restaurants like this in public places where we were completely shamed as a family and I was ashamed of it. And so I've realized these little tiny things about me that for everybody listening to this, like, think about what does trigger you. You know, for me, the reason I think I'm such a big communicator is I would talk to my dad and he would be not there, like literally sitting there in the room, so gone with alcohol in his system. And my dad got sober. It's a great story. But those days, like, are you hearing me, dad? And then I have to work on being a better communicator just to get him to hear me.

1:11:51So many of you have all of these patterns and triggers in your life that if you just become aware, like I'm doing it again, where's this come from? You can sort of start to unlock sort of the code to you. Why does it matter? And then I want to ask you a question, Gabby, because this is what life's about, everyone. There's two things in life. It's understanding more about ourselves and hopefully understanding more about the spiritual parts of our lives of where we're going. That's why this show today is so meaningful to me for all of you, because as you're hearing Gabby tell her story, I want you thinking about your story and your awareness of who you are and why you operate the way you do.

1:12:22Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. The name of today's show, what I want you to write down, I think this will just, you know, potentially really serve you, is that this, write this down, success requires no apologies failure permits no alibis success requires no apologies failure permits no alibis where'd i get that from it's not mine it's actually out of the book think and grow rich that i've just referenced earlier one of the original versions i'm holding up my dear friend robin sharma sent to me and so that is not my quote i can't stand when people use my content and quotes and don't give me credit that's not my quote that's out of think and grow rich but the theme of today is that, listen, success requires no apologies and failure permits no alibis.

1:13:11We can't be making alibis. And so how do we create change in our life? How do we make moves through this difficult times? Because no matter what time you're listening to this, it'll be trying. There's always things to overcome. That's what life's about. One of the things in Think and Grow Rich that I love is in the book, this is so profound, and I hope this gives you hope, that in the book, he talks about going through adversity, going through trials and tribulations. And he ends up saying in the book that if you can get to the other side of these trials, if you don't quit, that you get introduced to your other self, your other self.

1:13:43And so what if it is that all of the tragedies, trials, tribulations, difficulties in our lives are all set up there so that on the other side of it, there's another version of it. So the other side of it, we get introduced to our other self. I'm 51 years old when this comes out. And I must tell you that I've been introduced to many different versions of me. And the only way I got to those versions of me was to have to go through something difficult that tried me, that pushed me, that caused me to question myself, doubt myself, almost give in, almost resist. If you think about it for you, the things you have achieved in your life, where you are today, this version of you has been put together, has been developed, has been created because of the things you learned, the things you went through, the lessons you gained through difficult times.

1:14:28So when you're hitting these difficult times, just remember on the other side of this time, whatever it is for you is your other self. How beautiful is that? And when you step back and look at one's entire life, even if you have children and you all were a child at one point, think about the difficult things and you got introduced to that other version of you. I remember going to high school so scared. There was this whole thing when I was going to high school, they would put the freshmen in trash cans, you know, and I didn't know anybody. And, you know, was anybody going to like me? But the person who walked in my freshman year of high school, I think you'll agree, a totally different person walked out my senior year.

1:15:00I got introduced to my other self. And then when I started my business journey, you know, there's one guy that started and then after the first trial and tribulation, I pushed through, I got introduced to another self of me and then another self and then another self and then another self. In relationships, you've been introduced to other selves of you once you've gotten through them or learn from them. And so what you're going through right now, the beauty of it is it's preparing this other self, this better version of you. And you got to remind yourself of this because it's so easy not to want to outlast the temporary.

1:15:30I did a big, long coaching call with Arte Syndicate on this. I'm not going to get into what I covered there. I'm going to cover different things today. But I just want you to think about this for a second. Without it, it's just you all the way through life. There's no change. There's no growth. So this trial, this thing that you're going through, or maybe just this thing you're trying to accomplish. Maybe it doesn't even feel trying. Maybe you're just trying to accomplish something that's difficult, right? The other self is on the other side of that. And I just want to tell you, chase that version of you, chase that person, embrace it.

1:16:01And when you see this adversity coming at you, right, see it for what it really is. It's this introduction to the new you waiting for you on the other side of it. I love one of the things I'm going to read to you out of Napoleon Hill's book a little bit right here. But he says, and again, a lot of this stuff was written for, you know, back in the day where he would say men instead of people. But he says, if the first plan which you adopt does not work successfully, replace it with a new plan. If this plan fails to work, replace it and in turn with it another and so on until you find a plan which does work.

1:16:34Right here is at the point at which the majority of men, people, meet with failure because of their lack of persistence in creating new plans to take the place of the old ones which fail. The most intelligent man living cannot succeed in accumulating money nor to any other undertaking without plans which are practical and workable. And his point in the chapter was this is where most people quit. This is where most people give in. They surrender at the sign of adversity. Rather than pivot, rather than innovate, rather than create a new plan, they give in. And what costs you when you give in is you rob the world and you of this other self.

1:17:12Those are my words, not him in this case. But that's what gets robbed. And quitting becomes a habit. It's habitual. When you quit on one thing, you'll quit on other things. And so finish, adopt, adapt all the time in your life. I want to share something with you. Why do we get so worked up? Why do we, let me share something with you. You have emotions that you're familiar with. Okay. And some of these emotions serve you and some of them don't serve you. It's called your emotional home is what I call it. And oftentimes in our lives, we will find a way to get that emotion we're addicted to. Our heart and our emotions move towards what we are most familiar with.

1:17:52I'm going to cover this in two places today for you. And I hope that this is one of these life changing shows where you're like, yeah, man, I'm glad he didn't interview somebody today. This is better. So I have to say this to you. You have an emotional home. And it's important to take an inventory of what is that home because you find a way to get it every week, whatever those emotions are, that could be peace, joy, ecstasy, passion, right? All those great emotions that you could have. And by the way, they aren't good and bad, just some serve us and some don't. Then there's other ones, pain, fear, anxiety, worry, depression, frustration, anger.

1:18:26You all know people, as I described those emotions, you thought of different people, didn't you? When I said anger, you thought of someone, you know, who's regularly angry. When I said fearful or depressed, you thought of somebody, maybe you thought of you. And so if you have this primary emotion that you're getting on a regular basis, you find a way to get it, don't you? You do. No matter what's going on, you find a way at some point during your week to get your fear. Why? Because it's familiar. We move towards what's familiar. This is how human beings are. The reason we want to go through difficulties is because if at the other end of that we can get another self, maybe we can get another emotion.

1:19:01Because self is really emotions. What you really don't want is a jet or cash. You want how you think that will make you feel. What you really don't want is just a relationship. It's how you think the relationship will make you feel. You don't just want to win that contest you're in right now. It's how you think it'll make you feel. So what you're chasing is the emotions. See, I know people with absolutely no money who feel rich. I know a bunch of people with a lot of money who feel broke, right? So what we're really chasing is our emotions. So for me, I'm, how do you do that? You become very intentional about what they are.

1:19:35You become intentional. My primary emotion I'm chasing right now that I can experience anytime I want, but I don't have to chase it. That's that word's probably not well said. I can experience anytime I want because it exists within me is peace. And when I'm not getting peace, I get intentional about seeking it. I'm not going to do things in my life anymore that on the other end of it can't acquire me more peace. I may lack some as I do it, but I'm going to get more of it on the other side of it, starting to become intentional. And I'll share with you, we all have emotions that don't serve us.

1:20:06We all do. One of mine is chaos. I love chaos. Isn't that interesting? I love chaos. I've just realized this as an adult, like I always create chaos. I'm like, why? I thrive. I thrive in chaos because I do. I'm familiar with it. Why do I always create chaos. Even when things are great, it's like, nope, I got to do this. I got to do that. I get create a chaotic state. I create chaos around me. I've become aware of this. Why? Because chaos is familiar to me. Why is chaos familiar to me? Because to some extent in my childhood, it was chaotic. Most of you know that my dad was an alcoholic, greatest guy in the world, sober for 35 years after that.

1:20:44But in my early upbringing, it was chaotic. It was unstable. I didn't know, is he coming home? Is he not coming home? What moods are you going to be in? Mom and dad going to stay married, you know, all those kinds of things. And it was chaotic. And I became familiar with chaos. And so I find a way in my given week or my month or my day to find chaos, don't I? And I do. Anybody that knows me knows that's true. And I thrive in it. Chaos, by the way, can be used positively. Chaos has caused me to become wealthy. Chaos has caused me to not want to be overweight and to be fit. Sometimes that chaos, I've learned to thrive in it.

1:21:16But you have to ask yourself, and I had to ask myself, do I want to live all my life in chaos? No. And then I got intentional. If chaos doesn't serve me that way, what emotions do I want? I want more joy. I want more laughter. I want more peace. And so I'm intentional about getting it. And I'm aware when I'm starting to generate chaos unintentionally. And that awareness for me, that awareness causes it to lose its power over me. So in your case, I would ask you, what emotion is your emotional home that you get the most regularly? Is it really joy? Is it really peace? Is it really ecstasy, passion, right?

1:21:54Or do you get a little bit familiar with worry, anger, frustration, melancholy, whatever you want to call it, fear, right? And once you know that, ask yourself, what are the emotions I would want to experience on a regular basis and get intentional about them and become aware when you're doing the ones you don't think serve you. Then ask yourself this, what would I have to think or believe in order to generate that emotion? Because a lot of times we have thoughts that don't serve us. Thoughts generate emotions. It's not an event that generates the quality of our life. There's an event, then there is our perception of the event, our thought about it, which creates the emotion.

1:22:39So it's not the events of our lives. You can be going through a very difficult time and have peace. You can go through a very difficult time and feel strong. It's being intentional about it. And so I would challenge you to begin to think about what would I need to think? What do I normally think that causes me? And I'm going to tell you in a minute, what do I normally think that causes me to get this emotion that creates stress for me? And what would I need to think in order to get the ones I want when the same stimulus happens. So in Think and Grow Rich, he says there are six basic fears. By the way, in The Power of One More, I show you how to overcome these fears with daily strategies.

1:23:15So it's not just the thought, it's the action you would take. I mirror the thought in congruency with the action. And that's why The Power of One More is such a really unique book. Having said that, these are the six basic fears, according to Napoleon Hill, and they're really interesting. He says, there are six basic fears with some combination of which every human suffers at one time or another. Most people are fortunate if they do not suffer from the entire six. Named in the order of their most common appearance, they are, this is interesting, in sequence. The number one fear is the fear of poverty.

1:23:49And just process that. Do you have the fear of poverty? Do you have the fear that whatever you're going through right now, you're going to be broke? You're going to fear that you're going to run out of money, that you're not going to eat or whatever it might be. The fear of poverty. Number two, the fear of criticism. By the way, these are the bottom, not the top. The fear of criticism. Do you have any of that? The fear of ill health. Those are the bottom three, not the top three. Bottom three. Fourth fear, the fear of loss of love of someone. In other words, someone you love will no longer love you.

1:24:27Okay. Five, the fear of old age, getting old and missing your prime, missing your moment, missing your life. And then lastly, the fear of death. And so those are the six fears, poverty, criticism, bad health, loss of the love of someone, old age and death. And usually I think you'll find that when you're experiencing stress and anxiety, it's born out of one of those fears. And I know you're sitting there going, Ed, this is damn good. Thank you for doing the show today. I hope you are. And if you do feel that, share it. Fastest growing show in the world, share it. So I'm aware of the fears that I have.

1:25:00And that's why success requires no apologies. I'm not worried about criticism. And failure permits no alibis. There are no alibis. There are no excuses. There just aren't any. And you go, but Ed, you don't understand. I do have this excuse. I do have this issue. I do have this situation that isn't fair for me. By the way, you're probably right. And if you think it, you're definitely right. What you have to ask yourself is, does it serve you to believe that? Or what would you need to believe in spite of that? If you say, well, hey, I started too late, I don't have enough money. What if you started to think, man, what a story this is going to be that I started with no money?

1:25:36Or you know what, I'm a particular group of people that's marginalized, and it's more difficult for me, I would just submit to you that isn't the story going to be sweeter when you do win? Isn't it going to even be more inspiring when you do win? Isn't it going to move more people? Isn't your test going to be your testimony? Whatever this thing is, that is the alibi that you have in your life, whatever it is, someone hurt me, this overcame, I'm in this situation, you don't understand my health situation. Listen, if it serves you to believe that, keep believing it. But as your friend and your coach and a mentor to you, and someone who loves you and cares about you, I would say this does not serve you, even if it's true.

1:26:11Even if it's true, what would you need to believe about it that now gives you power instead of kryptonite? And you begin to ask yourself these questions. So, you know, you're going to show up. So that's one thing you're going to show up 20 years from now somewhere. The question is where, and what I would submit to you is that one of the ways out of difficult times is huge, bold, God-sized dreams. Like what is your huge, the one you're embarrassed to tell people, the huge, bold, God-sized dream in your life. And And the more of it you begin to project into that dream state of what you want in your life, the more it gives you the inspiration.

1:26:49If your dreams are bigger than the adversity, you'll get through it. But the minute that adversity, those emotions are bigger than where you're going, bigger than your dreams, you're toast. You got to reevaluate that. You got to look at it. You got to say, wait a minute. What's my big dream? What's my big goal? What's that big emotion? What's that thing? What's that place? What's that person? What's that contribution? Whatever it might be. and you got to begin to obsess about it because what I said earlier is true. Your mind moves towards what it's most familiar with. So if you're most familiar with your fears, those six fears, or these emotions you don't want, or your problems, or your setbacks, or the things that are not in your favor, then you're going to move towards them.

1:27:30Let me say that to you again. You may be right about this adversity. You may be right about your circumstance. You may be right about all that, But does it serve you to believe it? Because the way the mind works is it moves towards what it's most familiar with. And the reason some people are successful and most aren't is the successful people have the ability to begin to program into their mind the things they want, the dreams they have over and over and over because they know this to be true. They belong in their dreams. Their dreams are not some hallucination. They're not a joke. God gave you those dreams as a glimpse, as a preview of what's possible in your life.

1:28:08And the more you understand, these dreams don't just come from me. How do I have these dreams? Where'd they come from? They come from God in your life or whatever you believe about that. I'm a Christian. I believe they come straight from Jesus, straight from God. But whatever your faith is, the universe, whatever you believe, they come from outside of you and they're not a joke. They're a preview of what's possible. and the more you move towards those thoughts, those dreams in faith, boldly, strong, and not towards the six fears you have or this circumstance. And I'm not talking about don't deal with reality.

1:28:40I'm not saying, I already said, you need to pivot, you need to course correct, you need a better plan. Clearly you need a better plan, but what you don't need is to be moving towards the thoughts that don't serve you because you keep getting them, don't you? You keep drawing the circumstances into your life that don't serve you because your mind moves you towards what you're familiar with. Please, sister, I love you. Please, brother, listen to what I'm saying. Begin to feed these thoughts to you regularly and begin to take the actions in congruency with them. And when you begin to think and act in congruency, you become a force in the world that is unstoppable eventually, if you can outlast the temporary, not right away.

1:29:22See, there's two things people lack. The Bible says where there is no vision, the people perish. People lack vision, but oftentimes when they get a vision, And the other thing that they suffer from is depth perception issues. They think it's further than it is. They think they're further away than they really are. And so they pace themselves and they act like it and they don't let their mind go there regularly. And so they constantly stay in a perpetual state of being far from it. The premise of my book, The Power of One More, is very simple when you get it. And it's this. You're a lot closer to your dreams than you think.

1:29:51You're a lot closer to these emotions, these feelings, that life, that other self than you think you are. And let me tell you what you are. You're one decision away, one possible meeting, one relationship, one thought, one emotion, one strategy in my new book away from changing it. You're a lot closer than you think. So stop thinking it so far away and stop thinking about all the things all the time that don't serve you, right? By the way, what is thinking? And how do I think better? What's a thought? A thought is the process of asking yourself a question and answering it. So ask yourself better questions and you will have better thoughts and better answers.

1:30:29So if you do have this detriment, that's just this thing that's just, it's a hindrance and you know it's a hindrance and it's a challenge or you're going through something, right? That's okay. The question is, ask yourself a better question about it. Instead of saying, that's why I'm gonna lose, it's, hey, how can I overcome this? What are the answer to this? Who are people like me that have won? Who's over, what is my story gonna look like when I win? How's it gonna feel when I get there? What's the tactic or strategy that I need to implement to overcome this that other people don't, but I'm going to because I deserve to get there because these dreams are a preview of who I'm supposed to be.

1:31:02So get these familiar thoughts, get these familiar emotions, know that all pain is temporary, outlast the temporary. That was a great conversation. Be sure to follow the Ed Milet show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Ed, thank you so much for being on the show. It's great to be here. Thanks for coming over to the house. One of the things I want to wrap up on Ed, and it's, you know, the power of one more you talk about it is just every person has the potential to be the one yeah and i didn't call it that but if you meet my family they will definitely say like where's your god dan dan went first yeah and then people always say well we're brothers and sisters in trouble growing up yeah but it seemed like once i got my life together and i and i changed the energy that everybody just kind of came with us.

1:31:54And like, how beautiful is it? And this is the thing I want to acknowledge is the moment you realized that there was a one for your dad. Your dad was an alcoholic and somebody showed up and was that for him and it shifted his life and your life and my life. Because I'm here with you. Yeah, so thank you for asking that. I wrote The Power of One More and a lot of it has to do with my dad. One more was my dad got sober one more time and then he stayed sober one day at a time. It's interesting because that's a little bit of the book but the rest of it is really detailed stuff as you know. But after I wrote it, it was about six months after I wrote it.

1:32:39It was out actually. Woke up right down the bedroom right below where we're sitting right now. It was in this house. Yeah, in this house. I was crying and Christiana woke up. She goes, what's wrong? and I said, babe, I was kind of gasping. I'm like, someone helped daddy. And she's like, what? And I go, someone helped daddy. And she goes, what do you mean? I go, someone helped my dad get sober. Why in the world this never occurred to me before, but in my dad's program, someone helps you. And she goes, oh my gosh. She said, this person has no idea. I'm my dad's son. So the ripple effect, they did something great with their life.

1:33:11They helped my dad in the darkest, lowest moment of my father. My father may be taking his own life. Certainly was going to lose his family. Certainly losing his career, but maybe his life. In my dad's lowest moment of his life, some precious human being stepped forward and said, I see you. I see you. I can help you. Let me tell you about you. And they changed and saved my dad's life. That person has no idea that because they helped my dad, I'm his son. I've reached millions of people. They have no idea the ripple effect of that one act of kindness, that one act of my intention is to serve you.

1:33:48Now, that's incredible. My wife goes, oh my gosh. I said, that's not even the most amazing thing. The most amazing thing is, what qualified this person to help my dad? What qualified this person to help my dad is the very thing most of us think disqualifies us from ever being successful. It was the things that human being was most ashamed of, most embarrassed by. You know what qualified them? They were also a drunk at one time. They were also a drug addict. They were also a liar. They were also living in the shadows. They were also ashamed at one time in their life and because of that the thing that they thought Disqualified them was the very thing that was qualifying them to change my dad's life and be the one in my dad's life In our lives we are constantly stacking things that we think disqualifies my bankruptcy my business failure This sin of mine this thing I cheated on this mistake.

1:34:40I made maybe it's none of that I've just always been invisible and average and ordinary So I'm disqualified going forward from not being and we stack these things and believe we're disqualified Nothing could be further from the truth. You are most qualified to help the person or people you used to be You used to be and in my dad's case, right? That guy used to be a drunk that dude used to be an alcoholic that person used to be a liar and a drug addict That's what qualified them so they could look at my dad and go. Let me tell you about you I know I know who you are I'm also that person and I changed and that's also why it's so important in life to continue to grow and change because Every time you evolve into the next version of you You're more qualified to help the people you used to be and so you're not disqualified from being successful You're not disqualified from being the one in fact Probably the things that you think are the disqualifiers are the very things God would prefer to use To help you change other people's lives and ultimately your own Even that mistake I made with my family, that family that I didn't help, I could have easily lived the rest of my life going, man, I'm disqualified.

1:35:43I didn't help that family. That's not the case. The case is I'm immensely qualified because I made that mistake to never do it again and to help all these other families. Do you know how many families I told, I'm not leaving here tonight because let me tell you about this mistake I made once and I'm not making it tonight with your family. And how many of them were persuaded by that story to then participate? So the thing I thought disqualified me actually qualified me most to help the rest of the families.

1:36:11It's true. That was powerful. Because I think most people wouldn't have connected the shame, the area of life that they feel less than deficit as the tool that they should be using to go serve the world. If you're faith-based, and if you're not, that's okay, everybody listen. But if you're faith-based, if I'm the adversary and I want to get you to quit on your dream, there's one weapon I'm going to use against you. discouragement I'm gonna get you discouraged and believe you're disqualified because if I can get you to believe that you have no chance and most people are walking around discouraged thinking they're disqualified and they're actually hanging that lie onto the very thing that is probably their qualifier that's the irony it's like if you really in politics right now what you do in politics if you want to win you accuse the other party of the very thing you do and you do it before they can go excuse you and so in life what we do the adversary does is he gets us to accuse us with the things that are the very thing that would be the key to get us to go change our life.

1:37:08He uses it as a weapon against us. So don't let anybody do that to you.

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