How One Decision Can Change Everything Feat. Ken Rideout

24:55Ken Rideout:He goes, yeah, all the time. And I think that's a sense of humility. He's confident that he's a great stand-up and a great actor, but he's humble enough to know that this could go away. I've seen more people flame out after short-term success than people could imagine. I mean, even in sales, guys that'll close a bunch of sales in like three weeks in Cabo. I'm like, what are you doing? Do you agree with me? You know what I mean? Or win a race and then not train for six months. Well, it's like when you see someone who sells their company for 100 mil, 200 mil, and then they're building something even more difficult.

25:25Ken Rideout:And I know people that will be like, if I had that money, I'd drop social media. I'd move over here. But you're not going to make that money because you don't have that mindset. You don't have that mindset. It's very rare that you get one without the other. Do you, off the record, well, on the record, but not on my questions, when you see a guy like, because as we're recording this, Tiger just went through something, and it's probably pretty clear that he's developed some sort of, I mean, I hate to speak out of school. He's obviously addicted to drugs. He's addicted, right? You can see the pictures of him.

25:55He's certainly, and by the way, there's a part of me that has some empathy coming from a family of addiction, knowing, hey, this dude's had 150 ,000 back and knee surgeries, and these things do feel good for some people when they take them. And so he may have sort of just developed this for pain in the beginning. So I have empathy for him at the same time.

26:12Ken Rideout:I'm sure he's in a ton of pain. But if someone was listening to this and they've developed some sort of an addiction in their life, their addiction could be worry. Their addiction could be drugs, porn. It could be gambling. It could be alcohol. It could be their addiction to not believing in themselves, whatever it is. But if Tiger walked in here right now and everybody else, what would you say to them about breaking that cycle of addiction yeah i would say to any well i would say to anyone who thinks they're going to help him like there's only one person that's helping tiger that's him but it has to come from within you you know it's a it's a it's a recovery saying but you just get sick and tired of feeling sick and tired he's got a bad deal in that he's got a lot of injuries but for what it's worth he can't he's obviously abusing drugs but i'm sure he's telling himself he needs them but i think that he's not as deep in a hole as others would think like if you're walking around with two single pills in your pocket like that isn't like an addiction that you're like oh my god like if he had 50 fentanyl pills i'd be like yeah he's deep in this but two pills like i mean that's that for a drug addict that ain't gonna move the needle but you don't know how many he took right that were in the pocket before that right but if he took eight and he had 10 he would have taken them all okay so that's what i'm thinking is that if If he's carrying around two, he probably thinks two will offer some relief.

27:27Ken Rideout:It might not be that deep, and it can be fixed. But there's only one way to do this, and that's to walk through the fire, or you're just going to keep burning slowly. Getting sober was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Nothing in the book even comes close, including my childhood, to dealing with that addiction. Your brain is so conditioned to want and need this that you can't fathom a life without it. but it's like it's it's like the goby march race or any other difficult challenge you just have to start the journey it's like if you see someone overweight and they start to see a little bit of progress they can gain momentum it starts to get a little bit easier the ball's rolling downhill it's the same thing with recovery just get one day of sobriety don't worry about the next day yep because you get one and then you're like ah i did one i bet you i can get another one and it's like anything in life you have to build some confidence in yourself but the first rep the for a step is always so hard yep by the way my audience because they know my work is going to say that's what the power of one more to one more day yes one decision one day at a time i think a lot of times people think like oh success is this huge mountain i got to climb no but i've had enough people and that's what i want to listen why are you here today one once i read your story i was like oh my gosh right like with your upbringing and the opioid addiction and you were a traitor and this and that but the re the reason you were here is where we're going to go now for me i'm I'm like, okay, this dude is a world-class athlete, right?

28:53And it developed late in life. You were a good athlete. You're 5 '10". You played college sports. But there's nothing about you that would say, this dude's going to be running mega ultra marathons, 150 miles, and he's going to be the fastest dude in the world. So everyone buckle in here now because you don't know at what point in your life you become great at something finally. Like great. Like you're a good athlete, really good athlete. you're very good in business but there were better business dudes right guys making more money but at this you found something you're like this is my jam which crazy is i can't find any evidence in the book that there was a lot of preparation physically for this no so how do you start let's start how does a dude go yeah i'm gonna start running marathons like what happened i didn't

29:40Ken Rideout:i was like i'm gonna get sober and i'm going to like run every single day to get these drugs out of my system, even though I want to die. I mean, I was running and sweating and freezing. And like, I'd go through a hundred different like ecosystems, although I'm running in Central Park, I'd feel like I've run on the top of a mountain down in Death Valley. Like my body was just in chaos mode. So part of it was penance. Like I'm going to run until I die. And I just wanted to get away from the pain. And there was part of me that was like, I'm running. Cause when I'm running for 90 minutes, at least a day, I'm not thinking about getting high.

30:15Ken Rideout:I'm thinking about one thing, getting this over with. When people are like, did you get a runner's high? I'm like, yeah, every single time. As soon as I stopped, I was like, yes, I did it. But I didn't have any designs on winning anything. I was like, I'm just going to run and get sober. And then I started to enter some races because nothing keeps you honest like a competition. Just races in Central Park. There's races every weekend for people in New York. It's the best place to be a runner in the world because they have everything you need. and I would just enter race and I mean dude if I was in the top 20 in my age group I'd be like wow look how shell I ran I tell my wife look I ran on the seven minute mile in this one mile I would end up running the marathon at 530 539 per mile for 26 which at the time seemed crazy but you can't beat the guy who was willing to die to win and as I started to get a little bit of positive reinforcement in terms of the results and seeing the improvement so I was running then And my legs started bothering me, so I bought a bike.

31:11Ken Rideout:I didn't know anything. But I was like, oh, these guys. There was a guy in my office who was, like, talking about he's a great bike rider. And I was like, I'm going to get a bike. These guys are really good. I'll try to ride with them. And when I rode with them, I was like, either these guys stink or I'm pretty good at bike riding. But, like, I'm not nearly as far down as I thought I was. I mean, it was probably a combination of both. But I started riding, like, I mean, I end up training with Lance Armstrong. We did a frigging race together on the same team. Like I did crazy things. Are you hearing you?

31:41Ken Rideout:I know. It's great. No, but really. Like I know when you write a book, you write a book, you kind of almost forget. Yeah. Like are you hearing you? Yeah. Bro, like let's just unpack a couple things here really quick. There's such a huge lesson in how you ended up doing this. Napoleon Hill in Think and Grow Rich, I've morphed it into my own thing, but I teach this. He says if you can survive temporary pain, on the other side of that pain, you get introduced to your other self. and I when I speak I'm gonna say it today when I speak I'm a big believer that God gives you access to parts of yourself you never knew about when you go through pain like my speaking ability on stage was developed because I had to learn to talk to my dad when he was drunk yeah and I didn't know at the time but God was saying if you'll survive this time in your life you're gonna unveil a gift of yours yeah and so a lot of times everyone listening or watching it may be the pain you're going through and how you get out of that pain that could be a revelation to you of a new talent, a new gift, a new relationship.

32:38You're one decision away from changing your life. For you, the catalyst of all, the reason you're sitting here was the decision to get sober is what it sounds like to me.

32:48Ken Rideout:100%. Isn't that bizarre? Sobriety decision ends up introducing you to this. You weren't a runner? No. You were not a runner, bro. And now you're the fastest dude in the world. Well, it's a combination of other people start to slow down who might have had running success. Stop it. Don't be humble. You did not grow up on the track team. You did not run college cross country or track. Didn't know anything about it. You weren't running marathons in your 20s. You weren't doing any of this stuff. And now you're the fastest man in the world over 50 years old. Like just let that soak in. And it happened because you were a drug addict and got sober.

33:21Ken Rideout:That's nuts. Well, I always say that like the hardest things in your life are where all the gifts are found. And I like slapping the guy in the face. Like I was like, oh my God, I've lost my job. I'm screwed. I'm gonna have to go home. I didn't have like two nickels to rub together. I didn't have like a nest egg I was making money paying the bills I barely had enough to pay my rent and student loans and then I had like maybe a hundred dollars left over for the month Building up credit card debt just believing something's gonna happen and I'm gonna make money, but I had no Roadmap no one was like oh yeah once you once things start right you'll make a load of money.

33:54Ken Rideout:It will happen quickly You know, so I was just like having blind faith in the same thing with the running I was just running and running and like training, but I never identified myself as a runner. I was like, I'm just like, I'm exercising. And even like in Eastbound and Down, that Kenny Powers TV show when the guy's like, oh, I do triathlons. And he said, do you do triathlons? And the guy goes, no, man, I play real sports. I'm not trying to be the best at exercising, which always makes me laugh because then I always say like, yeah, I'm the best exerciser in the world. But the point is I didn't I was toiling in darkness and anonymity for so many years And then all of a sudden I started to win a couple bigger races the Malibu half marathon My times just kept getting faster and faster But to your point about not knowing anything about running.

34:41Ken Rideout:I didn't even have a coach. I Worked my way down to a 233 marathon and won a handful of races without ever having a coach or a structured training plan All I did was run a minimum of 10 miles a day in the hills in Malibu it's funny because reggie miller gave me a quote for the book and i'd see him on his mountain bike we'd be the only two people out in this like desert looking mountain and we'd be riding he'd be riding up the hill i'd be running you know you're going about the same speed up you know on a mountain bike and we start we just struck up a friendship and people like how do you know reggie i'm like to be honest with the only time i see him is when we're training and then he would then he gave me an awesome quote for the book but i i was just there working and working and not having a goal of winning races it's just i just worked so hard that they couldn't deny that i was better than that that i was faster than most people what so yeah but then you do decide to start you want to win then i did once i get a taste for that then i'm like what's next i start looking at every race i'm like you know i'm looking for the races that don't have prize money because those attract like real pros and like i'm not a professional runner i mean a professional runners running like two under 205 right I'm running 228 um so I start looking at all the local races that don't have a that don't have a prize person I'm like I just start showing up at races and winning and I won a big one in um 2019 19 or 20 right before COVID at the Pasadena half marathon at the Rose Bowl and it was like 8 ,000 people and it's winding through Pasadena I'm like holy I'm leading there's a motorcycle in front of me and I turn and come into the Rose Bowl and you You know, there's probably like 100 people in there, but it's finishing in the Rose Bowl, on the field, live on the news.

36:18Ken Rideout:And the announcer like, here he comes. He's doing it. Oh, my God. He's 48 years old. That's so crazy. That's crazy. Come on. So what point when you're doing a marathon or an ultra marathon or an Ironman, there's a point, I think, I've never done them, so I'm speculating. But there's a point where like the quit question must come up. every second every step of the way i'm thinking of like almost like in real time looking at all the systems checks like on a like a fighter pilot looking at all the monitors like how's the oil pressure like the hold i'm evaluating myself every step of the way in early in the marathon i'm like all right am i going too high let me check the pace i want you got to really manage the effort the marathon takes a lot of experience because you can easily go a step too fast for the first few miles and end up like walking to the finish line and i've never had to walk but i have like blown myself up in some races big one in berlin where i friggin blew an easy win there um but the whole time i'm wrestling with that thought of like oh my ankles i tweak my ankle should i stop the whole time this is like this the difference in as you get more experience is the voice that's telling you to quit becomes smaller and smaller when you first do a race you're like this is really hard i don't know if we can do it and this guy's like you can do it but now the two voices in my head is like one's like this huge alpha lion and the other one is like a chihuahua like oh he should stop and this one's like but you're aware there's two voices 100 this is important so everybody as soon as i hear those self-doubt or feel that self-doubt i'm like what the f is wrong with you everything good in your life has come from grinding nothing good happened when i took the easy road.

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39:59Ken Rideout:Dude, I'm wanting to read through a wall right now. What lie do you think most people believe about themselves that keeps them weak? They put limits on themselves. They think they can't do certain things. I'm here to tell you, you can do anything you want to do. Especially for sales, guys. I'm sure a lot of sales guys watch your content, right? And I would tell you this. If you're just a sales guy and I know my product really well and I'm going to buy the guy a steak dinner, like no one gives a shit about that. Like I would pay you to not take me out. Just tell me what you're going to do for me.

40:31Ken Rideout:However, if you can be interesting, every sales guy will have a handful of clients, right? Some of those clients are going to be into things that you might be into. It might be golf. Be a scratch golfer. Like have something that you're special at. You could be a nerd. Maybe you're into Dungeons & Dragons. One of those people you're selling to could be the biggest Dungeons & Dragons dweeb in the world. Tell that guy you know everything Dungeons & Dragons. But you have to have something unique and something differentiating yourself from other salespeople. And it's not just that you know the product the best and you get the best prices.

41:05Ken Rideout:There's been many times in my life where I'm like, I don't even care what the price is. I just don't want to deal with you. Or I like you so much, I want you to make some money. just tell me what the right price is and make sure you're making some money on it right if you like the guy selling you something guy selling me a diamond ring i'm like look i don't know anything about diamonds do me a favor don't embarrass me in two months when i bump into a buddy who knows diamonds and i'm like this is the ring i got what's the deal look like i said i like you so build in some profit but don't get rich off like right get me a little bit over over time don't get me all at once yeah and it's like that's so true same thing with car dealers i'm like buddy Make some money, but don't make me the sucker of the month.

41:43Right. That's exactly how I feel. I want you to make some money, but don't make it all on the first one. Right. How do you know? Okay. So I thought of you. I'm like, it's kind of my version of Goggins a little bit. You are. And Goggins has been on the show. I love David. And we speak at probably three events a year together. So I not only know Goggins, I know David. Yeah. He's a wonderful man. Most people don't know. David's actually a really kind, good person and a good friend. And in fact, I saw versions of him like at his birthday, that he's actually a really sweet, good man, which is completely contradictory to Stay Hard.

42:23But Hard's in the name of your book too. But one of the things, so having said all that, someone that I admire very much, David, sometimes I worry about my friend there that he's addicted to pain more than even growth sometimes. I say that with love and respect and admiration. I want to be clear. I get that a lot. What about you? And what about that concept? There are some people that do grind forever because they've become addicted to grinding and pain and not just the growth and the reward of it.

42:50Ken Rideout:I got you. I know exactly what you're saying. And to the people that say like you traded one addiction for another, I say, yes, one addiction had me suicidal and feeling like a loser. And the other addiction has me sitting here talking to you about my book. I have four children. like David we have a lot of similarities but we have some major differences right like I I live with my four children like they watch everything I do I can't be and I can't be hard all the time like there has to be a balance with the things that I'm doing too right like I have a I have a job like I interact with people all the time and it's funny when I meet people who only know me through like the book or or podcast similar reaction they're like oh you you seem much more relaxed and sensible i'm like no one is a i don't know what perception i'm putting out there like a lot of times i'll say to my wife i'm like i think these people think i'm someone that i'm not it's like a little bit unsettling at times because i'm like i think they're expecting me to like come in and like start punching people or something i'm like i genuinely like love people i'm like a lot of it is a defense mechanism if i'm super aggressive maybe people won't like get too close to like hurt my feelings yeah which well yeah of course i mean i'm super sensitive so much so that i'm like let me i i gotta tell you about all my weaknesses before you find out about them so that was part of the book is like here's all the mistakes i made you do do a lot of that in the book yeah well a lot of it is like my own form of therapy it's like these are the worst thing that's ever happened to me and the only way i can get comfortable with them is just to talk about them and like in the book i talk about in high school i'm playing quarterback last game of the season we get we end up tying the game but we should be winning and i'm not playing well and all of a sudden i hear a crowd right out sucks right dude i was suicidal for like three months i was like i'm gonna kill myself i can't believe that the whole crowd was chanting i suck but to an 18 year old brain that doesn't have a lifetime of experience that to me was like i can't believe they really think i suck like i didn't think i suck i wasn't playing good, but I suck.

44:53Ken Rideout:And what it was, it was probably a couple of and then everyone was like, ha ha, let's do this. Not realizing like the damage that it did to me at the time. I mean, now I can laugh about it, but man, that really hurt my feelings at the time. You're making me think, you know, I have this debate often with Andy Fursella, who's my business partner in Arate, my coaching program. Oh yeah, I like that too. And Tim Grover's a great friend and we debate something together often. And John Gordon's a friend who's kind of the other side. And so these debates we have is to be successful, I think this will probably be an Instagram clip right here I'm about to ask you about.

45:28But to be successful, do you leverage what Grover would probably call the dark side? Leverage the dark side, meaning you're moving away from something. I'm going to prove these people saying right out sucks wrong. I'm going to prove my family wrong. I'm going to move away from the pain of being not six foot three and whatever. So you leverage that pain. you leverage the dark side, right? That's one mechanism for motivation and inspiration. And Tim believes that's something like what Jordan or Kobe would do or Brady. They would leverage that. And then there's the other side, which is you could be chasing something.

46:05Instead of moving away, you're chasing the dream, the pleasure. You're leveraging how great it's going to be when you cross the finish line to win. So there's these two polar opposite mechanisms that can drive us, right? which do you use more of and which do you think is healthier and more effective i use i try not

46:23Ken Rideout:to let other losers impact my life so i i've done a very good job of blocking out the like i'm gonna prove them wrong i'm like i'm all you're already wrong because anything you think negatively about me you're wrong i know i'm like a good person i know i'm a good dad so i'm chasing the validation of being like, I did, like, I'm chasing my own goals. And, you know, it's like anyone who's talking bad about you or thinking negatively or trying to, like, hoping for the worst for you, like, those people have nothing going on in their lives. I'm not trying to appease or prove haters wrong because those people, anyone who's got time and energy to hate other people, they're losers.

47:03Ken Rideout:Like, I genuinely am like, I feel bad for you. Like, I wish I had enough time to scroll Instagram and leave terrible comments about people like, how bored are you? Like, some guys did it the other day. I had Oz Perlman on, Oz the Mentalist, and the guy wrote in the comment, can I cross here? Yeah. The guy wrote, this f***ing loser. And I assumed he was talking about Oz, but so my comment was like, f*** you, dude. You're a f***ing loser. He wrote back like, this guy lied about selling books and then sent me a DM like, he did this, he did that. I go, buddy, do you realize how stupid you sound leaving a comment like that?

47:36Ken Rideout:I said, how about this? The next time you want to talk about someone you don't know, leave three comments, super kind comments for strangers and watch how much better your life gets. By the end, the guy was like, yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Yeah. Yeah. And he followed me, too. I'm like, dude, if you're following me and talking to people like that, we have nothing in common. Yeah. And I tell my kids that all the time. I say, you can't worry about the people that aren't those people. There are certain people that aren't going to like you no matter what you do. They're not going to like you because they're not you.

48:04Ken Rideout:you could walk on water and they're going to tell you it's because you can't swim those people exist so i'm always chasing like it again i don't have all the answers some of it is a validation i want people to like love me and think i'm great and i want to love myself yeah but it's but i'm definitely more chasing the win than trying to like distract myself with the opinions of idiots the people that love me want me to win yeah and they're happy when i win you You have something. I'm always trying to get to the bottom of it. I said earlier, you got that dog in you. You want to be somebody really bad.

48:39You also run pretty hot.

48:41Ken Rideout:Very. You're intense. Yeah. And I think sometimes people lack certain elements of being successful. It's just invisible to them. They're just oblivious because it's not talked about a lot. So it's like, I don't know what I'm missing. It seems like I got them all dialed in. And one of them, if I'm being honest, I've had 900 guests on the show. The real winners, they run a little hot. They walk a little faster. they talk a little faster it's a blessing it occurs you and i are talking about our ufc friends like just speak to that just for a second like you probably take for granted that you're that way but do you know when you meet someone be honest who doesn't have that thing oh my god yeah i was just talking to one of my business partners and he was asking we represent a lot of scientists doctors and thought leaders through my agency and they're like hey this particular doctor here's his credentials i go dude he's a super nice guy but he doesn't have it i've spoken to him a few times and i'm like something's missing here i don't know what it is it's not a bad thing it's just like i'm like there's nothing that's magnetic about him i'm not like dude tell me what are your thoughts on nmn what are your thoughts on uh peptides like i just i'm just like all right if i get a cold i'll give you a call like i don't you know what i mean it's not what do you think it is there's some sort of dynamic element of people that they just have i used to think and i was talking to my buddy rob moore who produces andrew huberman's podcast and he produces my podcast and he's like he's one of my most important friends he really understands everything for years i was like i want to write a book he's like i wouldn't do it yet you're like you still have things to do i don't know what it is and he would always tell me no no no and and even introducing me as a podcast guest for some of the big shows that he has relationships with in particular rich roll which was the first big one i did he's like not yet he's like i don't know this we we'll get there and it was like years and i was so frustrated i'm like he knows these people he could get me on i know i have an interesting story to tell but i took my time and i did it the way he suggested and and everything worked when it was supposed to work but i would say to him like tell rich like tell him i'm really interesting i have an interesting life and he's like i don't think that that's the selling point for you he said i think that the most important thing about you is you're interested in other people he's like you genuinely seem to be interested in everything and it's true like even you could tell me you're into dungeons and dragons i'm like what the hell is that like explain it to me like what am i missing yeah i think of it as like a nerd game but you know the people are into it i'm like yeah i don't i don't care if it's a nerd game and there's something about someone being confident like i don't care if you think it's a nerd game I like it.

51:14Yes.

51:15Ken Rideout:Like be yourself. Yeah, I'm with you 100%. I think the it thing is, is like, I don't know if it's like laser focus and they have a different frequency about them. They vibrate a little bit differently. I'm not sure exactly what it is, but I know when I see it and I know when I don't. You know what I like to think? If we're neighbors and friends and I'm like, and again, this has to do with my upbringing because my wife is like, when would that ever happen? I'm like, Ed, so-and-so is coming to my house to fight me. He's bringing his buddies. I need you to get over here. There are some friends that are going to be like, I'll call the cops.

51:47Ken Rideout:And there's other friends that will be like, I'll be right over with no questions asked. And my wife's like, no one's coming to fight you. I'm like, you never know. I want to know who's going to come and help me and who's going to be hiding under the bed. Yeah, it's a perfect example, by the way. And they don't have to have all the info. Well, why or what? They're just there. Exactly. Like the scene from the town where he's like, you can't ask me any questions. We're going to hurt some people. And the guy's like, whose car are we taking? It was exactly what I was just thinking. Those are the people that I grew up with in Boston.

52:15Same here. Maybe that's why I like you. Okay, let me ask you this. We don't have too much more time. This has been so good. I feel like it's flying by, by the way. But what's it feel like to win? Everyone listening to this is like, hey, I want to run whatever my metaphorical race is in my life. What's it like to win?

52:30Ken Rideout:Well, I'm afraid I'm going to disappoint everyone because when I won the world championships in Chicago, I call my wife. By the way, I go to all the races by myself because it's business. I don't take my wife on business trips, right? And I'm a maniac. I'm very moody. Hard to be around. I go to whatever city it is. I rent the best hotel so I can be comfortable, relaxed. We're staying at the St. Regis in Chicago. Win the race. I get finished. I look up the results. Like, yep, I won the age group. I call my wife. I'm like, I did it. I won the age group. And she's like, oh, great. Now, I had been trying to win my age group in all the major marathons.

53:03Ken Rideout:Boston, New York, Chicago, London, Berlin, and Tokyo. And I had won all except Berlin and London. so in Chicago she's like oh my god you did it great great great I'm like no no no this was the world this race was the world champion the age group world championship she's like oh my god and starts to get emotional she's like how happy are you I'm like I feel just relieved I'm just so glad it's over probably like selling your company and you're like yeah I'm happy I got the money but there's like almost like a bittersweet ending to like there's something super rewarding and refreshing about being in the struggle when I'm training for the race I'm like I have purpose i'm progressing i'm i'm like ready to go and then it ends and you're like okay i did it yeah i'm happy i definitely be happier than if i if i lost but there is a feeling of relief like oh thank god i can breathe again i did it yes by the way one of the most honest true answers of all time because whatever successes i have or haven't had in my life that's exactly how it feels i want to jump around and be like i did it yeah yes but i'm like i did it it's kind of like Like a guy scoring a touchdown and just hands the ball to the ref.

54:10Ken Rideout:You're just like, yeah, I did it. I knew I could. I trained like this. It almost feels like you've been there before. I won this six months ago in the pissing down rain or in the snow in Nashville. Like I did. I've already suffered. Yeah, you did the suffering. This was a beauty pageant. Yeah. By the way, that's why preparation matters so much. So Huberman, who you were talking about earlier, I just saw him on something not too long ago. And he actually said they've proved now by tracking dopamine, as I understand this in the brain, and that even in a race or in an achievement, that you're getting a greater dopamine hit during the pursuit than when you actually cross the finish line.

54:41And in fact, it dramatically falls off a cliff after you win. So you've actually described, by the way, which I like because sometimes people are like, it's the greatest thing in life in the world. And there's been moments in my life where that's been true, but very rarely because you're probably not going to win if you don't expect to be there. That's right. And you were winning during that suffering of running in the rain. So good. This is such a great combo. Okay, last question, and then I'm going to promote the book one more time. Because the book's like, I told you, I read it in a day.

55:11Ken Rideout:Yeah. And it's not short. I don't know, is it 200 pages, 220, something like that? By the way, the name of the book, you guys, is The Other Side of Heart. But I read the whole book. Yeah. I didn't skim it. I read it because it was that good. But someone's listening to this today, and they're like, oh, my gosh, I'm listening to a dude who's done crazy things in his life. You're kind of like the Dos Equis man a little bit. Yeah, like the most – you are. By the way – Best compliment anyone's ever given me. Well, the other thing too, for those of you that are on audio and not on video, he's also ripped.

55:41So he's being really humble about the fact that he's 5 '10", and I think he's probably 5 '9 1⁄2". But he's ripped. And so he is a billboard of what he teaches, right? Yeah. But someone's listening to this like, dude, I want to have in my life before it's over, I want to cross my finish line. And I'm kind of lost. Maybe I've even had a couple losses lately. And I've got to get started doing something. What would your advice be? That's a hard question, but that's why I put it last. What would your advice be to somebody who says, look, man, I admire you. And I want at least a piece of my life to feel like I think what you're doing and what you feel.

56:20Ken Rideout:I tell everyone, keep showing up, keep going, meaning you have to take the first step. And you can't look for other people to give you external validation. You don't need cheerleaders. because and you don't need motivation and it's again sounds corny i know everyone says you need discipline discipline is whispering in your ear at 5 a.m when it's snowing out and you have to you only have an hour to like get this work in get up and do it no one no and guess what if you don't do it no one cares and no one will care if you don't show up and do anything but the person who whose opinion you should be trying to like satisfy is your own you know if you're doing the work.

56:58Ken Rideout:So I wish there was an easy answer, but it's like Jocko's book, you know, take an extreme, extreme responsibility. You have to take extreme responsibility for yourself. You're only doing this once. Your physique, the way you take care of yourself, that's a byproduct of hard work, but that tells another person everything they need to know about you. No one wants to do business with someone who comes in all disheveled and sloppy and they look like they don't care about themselves. Your mental and physical health is your number one responsibility in the world. It has to come before even your family because if you don't take care of yourself, they're going to take care of you.

57:31Ken Rideout:That's my biggest fear is that my children have to like worry about me. I want to be like the pillar of strength until I can't do it anymore. And to me, that's like much later in life. And I want them to recognize that their dad was there showing up, honoring himself and showing up with confidence and showing up like a dad is supposed to. Like that's my dad over there. If there's any problems, my dad's going to settle it. And it's not about being tough, but it's like taking responsibility for yourself in a way that looks like, yeah, I care deeply about the things that are important to me. And there is no bigger.

58:08Ken Rideout:We all have that responsibility from the cradle to the grave. No one can tell you, Ed, to go work out today. No one can tell you what to eat for breakfast. If you want to have pancakes with whipped cream and sugar, be my guest. But after a couple days of that, you're going to start to look like someone who eats like that. And to me, I'm like, this is the easiest win in the world. Take care of yourself. I'm sorry. We're going one more. I'm trying to pick it apart. That was such a great answer. You've mentioned your family and your kids a lot of times. I'm just curious. When you are at that quitting point, because I think this is a huge lesson in the race, do you flash to them?

58:42Ken Rideout:Of course. What do you think? I think, again, I've made so many mistakes, and I'm far from a perfect dad. I get very emotional and scream at people and like a monster. Who left this damn milk out? How many times I got to tell you? Who left the garage open? So when I'm thinking about things like that, because to me, those are the easy wins. I have time to think this is happening. The way I behave in the next couple minutes is going to dictate a lot of how the rest of the week and month goes. And I love these kids, man. They're like, if I've done anything right in my life with my children, it's making them proud.

59:20Ken Rideout:when I my daughter sometimes when she was just becoming a teenager would be like dad you don't have to you don't have to drive me all the way to the front of school you can leave me over here and I was like tensei if I get the impression that you're embarrassed of me I will get out hold your hand walk you into the classroom and kiss you on the lips don't tell me but my son she doesn't do that anymore now because with the book she's like dad all my friends want to come over for a signed book and my sons will be like I was dropping them at a party and my son said dad can you come in and meet uh meet rasha's dad and i was like me to i said you could go like you don't need my permit he's like no no the dad wants to meet you and i was like this is the greatest thing like the greatest gift actually you know who lives around the corner from me it's funny dad's story alan alan uh richmond reacher who just beat up the guy beat up the guy on the street yeah i saw him the next day at that thing and i'm like alan you're my hero i go the restraint that you showed you like that was the perfect dad moment the guy's like attacking you in front of your children and you show restraint show restraint and then finally crack his ass but don't hurt him i was like this is like how dad should behave buddy please don't do this the kids stop it and then the guy's like this is what happened then alan releases the video his body cam which thank god he had it's like uh buddy that's not at all what happened you completely instigated that shoved him off his motorcycle crazy yeah anyway most stuff with their kids is caught not taught by the way that is a great example of what he did right there but i have to i don't think enough people when they're thinking of quitting or pushing link their love for their family because if your love for your family is greater than your fear or the pain you're going through that can be the leverage the catalyst it keeps you to be keep pushing through and i knew that's what you did during when i was a kid all i wanted was a normal family i wanted my family to be the family i have now so when I think about my children now, yeah, I can be a bit of a maniac with them, but it all comes from love and they know that.

1:01:14Ken Rideout:And it's like, I try not to spoil them, but they also have way too many pairs of Air Jordan shoes. And my wife would be like, no more shoes. And I'm like, because as a kid, that was my validation. I was like, I want to have nice shoes. So I just subconsciously, I maybe spoil them a little bit. You become the dad you didn't have, bro. That's exactly right. I've created the life that I dreamed I could have. And I can't believe it's happened. I'm real happy for you. Thank you, brother. I appreciate you. This really was good. Thanks, man. You know it was, too. You guys enjoy this today? This is what it's like to win, you guys.

1:01:45It's what it's like to change your life. The Other Side of Hard, that's Ken Rideout. Share today's episode, you guys. This was so good. This is the real stuff. God bless you. Max out. This is The Ed Mylon Show.