How To Be A World Class Communicator Feat. Rory Vaden

25:09So let's just go there. The first time you were on the podcast, a lot of people did not know who you were. And they went crazy because of a little bit of this topic here about branding. And I think some people think I don't need to be a brand or I'm not a brand because I'm a school teacher or I'm a, I don't know, a realtor or whatever, which is crazy because in both those cases. is what is a brand and why should somebody listening or watching you and I right now be paying more attention and getting more intentional about it? Man, this ties to AI, your question about why does it matter, but let's talk about first what it is.

25:44And actually, let's start with, again, what it is not. Everyone thinks a brand is you have to have a social media following. You have to be a podcaster. You've got to write a book. You've got to be a speaker. You've got to be a TikToker, like whatever. That's not what branding is. It's not your logo. It's not your fonts. It's not your colors. The way that we define personal branding is simply the digitization of your reputation. So asking the question, do I need a brand? Or saying something like, I don't want to have a brand is completely off. That would be like saying, do I need a reputation?

26:17I don't want a reputation. No, no, no. You have one, whether or not you want one. The question is, is it serving you? Is it the one you want to have? Or have you been intentional about it? And is it enabling you to make more income and more importantly, more impact in the world? Because I think it's kind of like, I heard somebody say recently, this was one of our brand builders group clients. He was, he's a fitness coach. And he said, you know, your body, the way you look physically is like a resume. It's a resume that people read without ever talking to you. And so they look at your body and they can learn about you by the way that you look.

26:54And I was like, gosh, that's really powerful. Your brand, or when I think it would be, people would be much better off instead of using the word brand, they should think of the word reputation because then they would do online social media better. They would do offline better. They would think about this whole thing better. And they would go, yeah, I better craft, I better be deliberate about my reputation. And you go, what do you have to do to have a great reputation? Everything, right? You have to have great personal character. Like my pastor told me one time, he said, our influence will never grow wider than our character runs deep.

27:30So your personal brand is not about your followers. It has more to do with your character. It has more to do with how you treat people. It has more to do with your self-discipline, your personal respect. And so if you're a school teacher or a parent, a leader, again, a salesperson, or you happen to be a speaker, author, coach, or thought leader, which is like who we work with at Brand Builders Group, then you know obviously it matters but it matters for everybody digitization of your reputation one of the all-time great quotes on the show so was that quote earlier about procrastination okay so I hear you Rory I I have one whether I like it or not so I might as well be intentional about grooming it curating it what should I do give me something today I want to take a step I'm listening to this I've really not gone deep on this idea where do I start what do I do yeah so So, well, there's a lot of things you could do, right?

28:26But one of our other mantras, if you have diluted focus, you get diluted results, right? Distraction is a dangerously deceptive saboteur of our goals. That's why most of us lose. So I want to talk about brand and reputation at the same time since we're making the connection. I think you could also think of it as reputation offline and brand online. But the true answer, I really think you go, how do I build a reputation? It is so simple. Be useful. Be useful. You have to be useful to other people, right? I think I can't believe that I know you. I go, how did I get this relationship? You know, John Gordon is who introduced us because you happen to be in a season where you needed something.

29:12And I was like, how can I be useful? I have to just, I just have to go be useful. and if what most of us are doing is going through life being fully self-centered what do I need who can help me the people who are winning in reputation and brand are going through life completely the opposite they're going through service-centered and how can I help you how can I be a value to you right like I'm not going how can Ed help me be famous I'm going how can I help Ed succeed? How can I create income for Ed? How can I reduce complexity? And somehow, I guess that has led to a relationship where there's value.

29:57And that's, I think, what people get wrong. So if you're going on social media, you go, what is the strategy? Be useful. Be useful. So that means you can either be entertaining, you can be encouraging, or you can be educational. but it does not mean that the camera that you choose or the microphone that you use or the format that you use. I mean, your, many of your most engaging videos, it's like you in the gym and it's just like, just talking to the camera, no editing at all. Um, you got to learn to talk though, which we're going to talk about in a second. You do. Right. And people will say that, well, I'm not good on camera.

30:35We can teach you how to do that. It's not complicated at all. But before we go to that, one thing I did learn from you, by the time you met me, I was blessed that my brand had gone into like the millions of followers already. And by the way, you have tremendously helped me. And it is how we forge that relationship. Thank you. Because by the way, your usefulness, what it did is it got me to pay attention to you. Bingo. And once I paid attention to you, then I went, oh, this is a wonderful man. He loves AJ. He loves his children. He loves Jesus. He cares about me. He's a good person. He's also brilliant.

31:04But I would have never known any of that. You're right. If you weren't useful because it got me to pay attention to you over millions of other people. You provided some value or usefulness to me. But one thing I did learn from you, and this is why I want everyone to lean in on this branding, this digitization of your reputation thing. Lean in here, everybody. You've proven it doesn't have to be a huge brand to be a useful and effective and profitable brand because there's something more important than the size of the brand, which is what? So talk to us about that. Yeah. This is huge for all of you because you go, well, I'm not going to go from 200 followers to 400 ,000.

31:45Turns out you may not have to. Yeah. So I got to tell you, this story happened since we were together last time. We had one of our clients said, you know, they were looking at our client roster, right? And it's, you know, Lewis Howes and Ed Milet and John Maxwell and Amy Porterfield and Eric Thomas and, you know, Cody Sanchez and Jim Quick and all these amazing people. And one of our members, one of our Brand Builders members in our membership said, I don't understand, Rory. Why do these people pay you money when they have so many more followers than you do? It's a great question. It's actually a really good question.

32:16And I said, well, one is we're coaching on very specific things. But I said, it's interesting that which one would you be more impressed by, someone who made a lot of money from a lot of followers or somebody who could make a lot of money? from very few followers. And that's what we have done, right? We have now built two eight-figure businesses. We're about to have our third eight-figure business, Mission Driven Press, which is the publishing company we started a few years ago. And the way we do it is by serving a more narrow audience in a deeper way. Nailed it. That's right. Say that again. You serve a more narrow audience in a deeper way.

32:57So everyone is so concerned about the width of their reach, they overlook the depth of their impact. So good. So listen, everyone. But we serve. So like if someone, you know, and again, this will, I might sound like a jerk here, but I just believe this is true. If someone is a speaker, author, coach, or a thought leader, meaning they are an executive or an entrepreneur who wants to be a thought leader, we're going to serve that person better than anyone else in the world. Lots of people have a course on this, a random thing on that, but it's like, we will change your freaking life. We can help you write the book, publish the book, sell the book, hit the bestseller list.

33:37We can turn into a speaking career, consulting, coaching. We give you the funnels. We give you the scripts. We have all the AI bots because we serve a very narrow, very narrow audience in a deep way. And you don't have to be famous to do that. You also, so you don't need the millions of followers to make millions of dollars. This is the law of AJ, my wife. but you also don't need to impact millions of people to make a huge impact. That's right. So you know those pieces in your closet that you find yourself wearing like on repeat all the time, that sweater that kind of just goes with everything or these perfect pair of pants?

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35:56This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. This is the breakthrough for everybody. I think when we talk about building a brand, they go, well, then I'm going to have to be famous. And from where I am to fame is probably not happening. Almost some of us with the larger brands almost do a disservice because I've watched this through you and in my own career. I meet people all the time who have what I would consider a deep brand in roofing or a deep brand in the plumbing business or a deep brand locally in real estate. So they don't have millions of followers, but they've got depth of brand where their content is repetitious.

36:30It's gone deep in their following. They are either entertaining, educational, valuable. They have done something to make themselves useful. I get asked pretty much every day for people to be introduced to you, going back to this be useful thing. Every day, somebody is like, hey, can you introduce me to Ed? Can you get me on his show? Get me on Louis' show, whoever the person is. And they say, how much do I have to pay you for you to introduce me to Ed? And I say, you cannot pay me to do that. And I say, I've got good news and bad news for you. The good news is you don't have to pay me. I will introduce you to Ed.

37:06I'll introduce you to John Maxwell. I'll introduce you to Eric Thomas. I'll introduce you to any of these people for free under one condition. you have to be able to add as much value to them as they can add to you and so if you if someone can be that useful to you it's got to be a bilateral exchange and that's part of where the trust happens so anyway so just i was thinking about that when you're talking about be useful to a small number of people but in a really really great way no i'm glad that you uh added that because you're really also one relationship away from changing your life and that's one person you're useful to, right?

37:44So someone who was useful to you, there can be an introduction to a broader reach of people by simply being useful to the right person. What I was going to talk about with you is this notion that people ask me, what's communication? And it's part of branding, but it's part of being a good dad, good mom, good leader, good whatever, is the ability to tell a story. Oh, yes. Okay. So I think, because this time, speaker, presenter, communicator, let's take all that away. if you can tell a story okay you are more than likely going to be successful by the way if i play golf with you and we spend four and a half hours together and you can tell a couple great stories we're more than likely going to become friends i have friends all the time like where'd you meet this guy i'm like the golf course he does he has nothing to do with this dude cracks me up or he can tell me a story right so i want to talk about the ability to tell a story and i want to i'm going to feed you something you said to me once and this is the type of stuff they would be learning if they went to our event frankly but a lot of people can't afford can't so we're going to give them some of this here on the show you said to me one time ed the reason that you're a good storyteller is this is what you said to me i don't know if you remember this and i've stolen this from you and repeated it many times you said ed you tell i'll mess this up but it's the way i heard it you tell me stories with you meanings meaning i'll be telling a story about me on stage or in a room or one-on-one but as i'm telling that story it's got a you meaning.

39:09That's a very unique thing. I did it naturally and was unaware that I did it, but it is a skill somebody can learn. Because sometimes people tell stories like, hey, it was dead, or the joke wasn't funny, or it didn't connect. And they're wondering why. It was because it was a me story with a me meaning. But when you tell a me story with a you meaning, that's very different. Elaborate on that. Absolutely. And so actually, speaking to coaching, I was coached by a gentleman named Craig Valentine, who was the 1999 world champion of public speaking. And he told me, he's the one who taught me, you tell an eye focused story with a you focused message.

39:45And so that's where that, that originated from. And it's, and, and that is a huge part of storytelling and storytelling right now is you better learn this skill because it's the one thing that AI can't do. AI can't tell your story. AI can't share your experiences. And if presenting is all about moving an audience emotionally, stories are the vehicle to do that. So you have to learn this skill. So I do think one tactical skill of telling a great story is asking yourself. So the story is what happened to you. And we can talk about why most stories suck. And I'll give you a four-part sequence to tell a great story.

40:26But the audience is only really going to care about the story, about what's in it for them. And so you have to ask yourself, what was the thing that I learned that is useful to the audience? So the story is my experience. I want to stay in here really quick. We're gonna go back and forth. When he's saying audience, can we tell you what I'm thinking? People go, oh, Ed's thinking of the 20 ,000 people on stage. I'm actually thinking of my dad when I was a young man telling me stories that had mean meanings. And I've carried the meanings because the story resonated with me. So that my dad's audience, when he says audience was me one person yes and that's why don't slough this over go this doesn't apply to me you bet it does you got an audience if you have one human being around you keep going and and you're on that note if you're leading a team of people okay if you teach them techniques they're less likely to implement like they will forget it but if you tell a story they will remember the point forever.

41:26So you have to have a story and a point. Um, what's the four part things that make a great story? I don't want to move off of it. Okay. I can't believe we're going to give this away for free, but let's do this because this is good. Okay. Most stories suck. And the reason they stuck is because people think that a story is about the beginning and the end, but it is not. Okay. There are four parts to a story. There is the scene, the struggle, the summit, and then the lesson, the scene, the struggle, the summit, and the lesson. So every story starts with a scene. Think about a movie, right? So the first thing that happens is it's a panning shot of like a city or a farm town, or they're setting the scene because you learn more about the characters by knowing where they are and where they are and what choices they make than by describing who they are.

42:22So you describe the environment. So any good story starts with the scene. But most people skip from, oh, we went fishing and we caught a huge fish. And they skip straight to the summit, which is like the pinnacle, because that's what they think a story is. But the summit is not the story. The scene is not the story. The story is the struggle. The struggle is the story. So at the event, we'll show this map, but it starts off emotionally invested low with the scene. And then there is this climb of conflict. The climb of conflict is what is the story. It's the tension of two steps towards the goal and one step back.

43:06I wanted this to happen and then this happened. I want, you know, and then I, you know, and every rom-com follows this. It's like, ooh, boy, boy spots girl. She's so pretty, but he can't, you know, talk to her. He's so nervous. Then boy spots girl. They have a conversation. She's so cute. But then he finds out she has a boyfriend, right? Oh, boy spots girl. Now they're broken up. He's got a chance. They go on a date. It's going good. And then his old girlfriend shows up, right? So it's always two steps forward, one step back. The story, the struggle is the story. The story is in the struggle. And so you only include the elements that pertain to that.

43:48What is the objective I want and what are the things blocking me? But you have to sell or tell the things that are blocking you. And that's, by the way, that's also how you sell in marketing. That's also how you sell on a stage. that's also how you you know you sell in copywriting through through well-told stories I almost wish we weren't doing the event so that I could just so that it looked like I have no because it's your event but I like I had no um dog in the fight yeah because I just believe this is the quickest best way to change your life we keep all these skills your mindset your vision you're this you got to get better at expressing yourself period end of story like I just it It breaks my heart because have you ever had a situation where maybe you've seen this before?

44:33Somebody didn't get smarter. They didn't get better at their business. They got better at presenting their ideas. And that's what grew their business, whether it be branding or in a boardroom or one-on-one. You've seen situations like this, right? That's the situation I see more often is that someone didn't get smarter or better at what they do. They got better at presenting it. Yeah. And unfortunately, the story I see more often is I see a really amazing, talented people who get overlooked because they can't communicate well. I agree. This happened, no kidding, this week. So we are interviewing somebody for a position.

45:07She is super qualified, has experience in the whole thing. And I was asking our leader who was doing the interview. I said, well, what did you think of this woman? And the hiring manager is also female. and she said, you know, she is amazing. She is so smart and so good. She said, my only problem is she cannot look you in the eye. She said the entire interview, her eyes are rolling around. And she said, we could hire her to do the job, but the problem is if she was ever talking to one of our clients, like in Ed Milet, they would eat her alive because she looks like she has no confidence because she can't look you in the eye.

45:49And there's so many of these things, Ed, like some of the most simple tactical things you can do to be a better presenter is don't look people in the eye. Look them in the pupil. Like you look people in the pupil and just force yourself to like lock eyes and just sit with them. That will help. The other really tangible techniques that I think anyone can use is we call it the power pause. And people do not realize how that pauses are powerful. And I can demonstrate this, right? I can say, hey, Ed, pauses are powerful. Or I can say to you, Ed, pauses are powerful. Feel the difference? Tactical thing, going back to the orchestra conductor.

46:38These are tactical things. They are skills. Yes, some people have more natural gifts in communicating and presenting. but there are so many tactical things that, you know, I went to the world championship of public speaking twice out of 25 ,000 contestants, you know, and I was in my early twenties. I had to learn these things and I noticed all of these patterns. There's patterns in how you tell jokes. Like people think that being fun. And this, this, by the way, was one of my biggest areas because like people are always amazed when they see me on stage. Cause they, you know, they laugh a lot when I'm on stage, but then they meet me on real life and they're like, you are not funny.

47:18And I said, I know that's because when I go on stage, I have the time to architect a punchline. And there's, you know, there's four parts of a, of a joke. There's the setup. Um, there's the pause. There's the expectation of what you make people think you're going to say in the punchline. So like, you know, earlier we were talking about, you know, I became the youngest black belt in Colorado. Right. So what happened is I create a setup, which I get your mind moving in a direction and it's like, oh, Rory became the youngest black belt in Colorado. Then I pause and I allow your brain to fill in what it what it's going to say, which is, oh, that's amazing.

47:57Oh, that's so cool. That's so impressive. And then the punchline is the twist, the change in expectation. I say to ever get beaten up by a girl. And so that is a that's a formula. And there's just there's how do they go to the event? Like someone's listening to this. I'm just sitting here going, look, I don't care. I'm going to promote this. How do they go? Where do they go? What's the website for the event? Yeah, so presentationmasteryevent.com slash ed. Okay, slash, one more time. Presentationmasteryevent.com. Presentationmasteryevent.com slash ed. Yep, and there's like a virtual way to go. There's a virtual one too, yeah.

48:27There's a virtual way to go. Because, you guys, I know a lot of you are listening to this and you're like, yeah, you know, you're going to be up against people who are good at this. And by the way, if you want to learn to speak on stage, you're going to learn all the things I know how to do too, how to close in a boardroom. I've closed sales of companies. I've closed exits. You'll learn how to do all this. But I just want to express to you, even if you don't, please begin to pursue being better at expression. And that can be even as simple as like today, an example, flying out to this event to speak.

48:56Everyone's teasing me. Oh, you're flying commercial now again. Of course. But I sat next to this woman today. And you know, like you just instantly sit next to someone like, this is going to be a good conversation. I actually had headphones on and took them off. Oh, the universal signal for Let's Talk. And this woman, she's a Red Sox fan like me. She's coming out here to the game. But it wasn't just that. And you're like, what did you? She's a pharmacist. We don't have the same career in common. She's not even an entrepreneur. But she had the ability to have a conversation. I learned about her dad and her mom and how much she loves the Red Sox and that she just got picked up to do some guest spot on QVC as a client presenter.

49:32But the point is, that was a pleasurable two-hour long flight with a wonderful person. Whereas if she couldn't express herself adequately, I would have never known this was a beautiful soul. I would have never known her background. I would have known that she had lost a family. So many of you, I don't think people are getting the best of you. They don't know how amazing you are and how wonderful you are because it's an expression issue. And so some of these things are very tactical. Like I told you, Rory's the scientist, but also at this event, you're going to get the art form of it from me. And what I think are like more conceptual things that I do that Rory can tell you the science of.

50:12But I have learned that in my life it's become a much more. OK, here's what it is. I've had a richer and deeper experience in my life because of my ability to express myself to others. And because I have an ability to express myself to others, I pull out expression from other people. Yes. Like what we're doing right now. And so you don't know what this is costing you. Forget the money part. Forget the closing the deal. A lot of you are like, I want to learn to speak on stage like you might let. I'll teach you. Okay. I've never taught it. Make your money back in one talk. I'm 55. I've never taught it.

50:42But throwing all of that aside, it's your interpersonal life that there are, there's even your, I will go as far as to say that your ability to receive and give love. Yeah. I mean, I think what you're saying is so, so important because there, there is a, there's a payoff here. is like, imagine if you did feel confident, right? Like imagine if you could feel confident to talk to people. And I do think with more AI, people are going to, the pendulum is swinging back to like, we want more human connection. We want more interaction. But the deeper part, which I think you're getting at where you said, people aren't getting the best of you.

51:16I think that's what this is really about because we're not really having just a physical experience here on earth. We're having a spiritual experience. And the spiritual experience comes from the ability for a soul to recognize the beauty in another soul and to move each other emotionally and to inspire each other along and to share companionship and to share heartbreak and hardship. But you go through this life with souls and that bond happens through expression. I agree. I got to say to everybody, forget the event let's assume you can't go for a minute okay because a lot of you can't but i love you and i love our audience and you know how emotional i get about this i want your life to be better and so if you can't get to this hopefully the show today is helping you but begin to invest in yourself and maybe it's getting a book or beginning to be more detailed and observing people that you think are good communicators at getting better at this self-expression because business is art and science.

52:21Life is art and science. But all of it, at the end of the day, you have this yearning to be the greatest expression of you you could be. That's really what you want out of your life. You want to be the greatest expression of you as a child of God, as a parent, as a business person, as a friend. And so your job, more than anything, is to learn to be the best expression of you. And part of that is your ability to express you. And so whether it's this event or you can't do it, just start to work on that part of your life. I regret that the last eight or nine years of doing this show, I haven't spent more time on this until today.

52:59Because it's the key to my life, other than my faith, of course. But yet I've really never talked about it. And I've never heard it said this way in any podcast before until today. So I feel so strongly about it. Okay. Last thing I want to ask you about. Today's been great again. You always say three or four things on the show that no one's ever said before that people take away and remember, and you've done it again today. I want to ask you just about you. Okay? Because you are sort of, you always hold everybody else up. One thing you and I have been, because we're doing this event together, I have been, this is about success, everybody, so stay in here to the end.

53:33I have been around you more lately, and we've been on group text more lately and communicating. And when you walked into the green room after I spoke, I said, dude, you're busy right now. and you know to get where you've gotten requires a lot of work and and you're a very busy person in fact when i met you you were busy but you're really busy right now you're building a big company multiple companies i wonder if someone leaned in you're born in a trailer single mom you worked a lot rory right i'm wondering an honest answer and give give the good and the bad here is it worth everything that has to be sacrificed and do you wrestle with this in order to be where you are because most people their picture is like i want to be on that seat someday on ed show or i want to at least be in the seat i belong in in my life and it requires a lot of this work thing we're talking about here more than most people i'm on group text with you where you're getting back to people at i'm being honest like 10 30 at night and a weeknight and i'm wondering if you are wrestling with that and what you would say to somebody who's in the hunt right now they're in that part of life where they are paying the price but they're not getting the reward is it worth it yes it absolutely is but let me it is now there were some things that i messed up along the way and i think when i look at my life because i came from little my initial drive was ambition.

55:10I wanted success. I wanted the world championship trophy. I wanted to be a New York Times bestselling author. I wanted to have money to buy box cereal instead of the crappy bagged stale cereal that I grew up on. Right. And then I got some of those things. I worked really hard and I got some of those things. And then it was like, man, I sacrificed a lot for those things. and that was really great. And so then I think at some point my motivation evolved from ambition to competition. And it was like, well, now I want to be number one. Now I'm going to be the best. Now I'm going to be better than anyone's ever seen.

55:50And I worked really, really hard for that. And that pushes for a while. And there's good things that also come out of that. but one of the things that aj and i wrote in our recent book together you know we co-authored a book was that for us peace is the new prophet and where we really had a turning point was when when we separated from our former company we we had an exit um and we designed brand builders group from the ground up to not be about ambition or competition, but about mission. And the reason that I respond and do things now is because I am genuinely driven by the mission of helping other people.

56:43I get so excited when one of my clients succeeds. I get so excited when my kids succeed. I get so excited when we're able to give a raise to one of our employees. There's nothing like the feeling you get when you help someone else succeed. And you did a bit on a YouTube video a long time ago. I don't know if you remember this, but you were talking about eating a steak. And you were saying that you could eat a bite of steak and you could both be so satiated and happy as you're eating it, but also insatiably wanting more. Blissfully dissatisfied. Blissfully dissatisfied. Yes. And that, when I think when you give your life to mission, that's what happens.

57:27Ambition and competition can lead you to healthy places, but they can also lead you to unhealthy places along the way. But when you're just there to serve and it's like, I won't serve someone at the expense of my family. So if I'm responding at 10, it's probably because I got the kids down, they're asleep and my wife is asleep. And now I have. That's exactly what you told me in the green room. That was because I finally got the kids down to sleep. Yeah. It was family first. So I won't compromise that, but there are seasons where you do have to make some trade-offs, right? I mean, today is a Saturday.

57:57I'm missing out on a family day. And you make some calculated decisions. But at the end of life, you go, you tell the story when you talk about your dad where it's like you're not taking your trophies, you're not taking your money, and you're not earning your way into heaven. But you said something today on stage that I've never heard you say or not quite like you did. You said, you're not going to earn your way into heaven, but you sure are going to earn the line of people who are there waiting to greet you when you arrive. Thank you. And that really touched me. Good. And so, yeah, there's— That's a great answer, Rory.

58:30There's sacrifices, but is it worth it? Yeah, it's worth it. Not because of what you get, but because of what you get to help create in other people. Yeah, you really do live that, by the way. And by the way, even at this event, even being on the podcast, I said, hey, can you do it? You say, I got to check with AJ. It's the first thing you said. That was a great, honest answer. This was a great, honest podcast. I think you're coming back for a fourth time. All right, let's do it. I think you made the cut. Presentationmasteryevent.com forward slash ed. Yes. Check it out. And if you can't get to it, just start to work and read a little bit more about your self-expression, the ability to express yourself.

59:08That's a stage of 20 ,000. You want to learn that? Or sitting there on your first date with somebody or with your babies, your kids. Rory, you're awesome. Thank you for today. This was a 10 out of 10 again. I love you, brother. Love you. Guys, I don't think I have to ask you to share this one. I think I know you're going to. God bless you. Max out your life. This is the Ed Myron Show.