How To Do 10 Years Of Work In 2 | Ed Mylett

23:29And so that obviously includes real estate, but there are other things that pay cashflow. So become somebody, I guess what I'm saying here, who is owns assets and doesn't put their money into liabilities, begin to understand the distinction between something that has a liability and an asset. And particularly if that asset can spit off cashflow, there's all kinds of different things that pay cashflow, real estate being, you know, one of the more significant ones, but the higher barrier of entry capital wise. But there are things, I mean, I consider, a CD something that can spit off eventual cash flow, right?

24:01And so anything that pays a rate of return, start to be someone who is really into finding assets and not liabilities. That's why I say don't spend money. For the most part, until I was very, very wealthy, I avoided things that were liabilities like fancy dinners or cars that were going to depreciate in value, right? Things like that, clothes that after you buy them really aren't worth very much money, they depreciate. I liked buying cash flowing assets, whether that was real estate or putting my money into some type of a fund that paid me something. I learned about how money worked. I learned about how real estate worked.

24:34I learned on growing me and my identity through the mentors and personal development that I had. So 11 is acquire cash flow producing assets and not liabilities. Number 12, reduce all distractions. Become great at life of not being distracted. Most people in life end up not winning, not because of their lack of talent or lack of opportunity, but because they get distracted too easily. They get distracted with social things. They get distracted with television, social media, drama, relationships. They just get distracted, whatever that might be, a hobby they're too into, gaming, whatever it is.

25:09Be somebody who eliminates distractions and you are someone who's going to kick some tail in life. I can tell you that right now. Reduce all distractions. 13, be a business athlete. Be somebody who decides that you're going to train like an athlete even though you're in business. That means your physical body, your weight training, cardiovascular training, your hydration. Begin to treat yourself like the – if you owned a thoroughbred horse, how would you treat it, right? Sometimes we don't treat ourselves that way. When I was very young, I read a book called The Corporate Athlete. I'm like, wow, I'm going to be an athlete.

25:39In fact, I'm old enough that back in those days, very few people lifted weights or even did any strength training that were also entrepreneurs, that were also business people. There was very few of them. Most of the gyms I went to were mainly kind of gym people, right, who then went out and, you know, went to a corporate job every day or their blue collar job. There were very few entrepreneurs training, and I wanted to be an athlete. And so I've always approached my business as a sport. And part of that is my energy level, my focus level, my training, my presence, my strength, my stamina. These things all matter.

26:20So be a business athlete. That mindset alone is a shift for most people and an advantage. When you walk in a room, how you look physically, I'm not talking about whether you're handsome or pretty. I'm talking about that you make an appearance, that you make a presence. When I see somebody that's fit, I think this is a disciplined person. This is somebody I should take seriously. Now, I've taken a lot of people seriously in my life that don't have those things. I'm not saying you have to have that to be taken seriously. What I am saying is when you have that, you are taken seriously almost instantaneously because you don't even have to say anything.

26:50There's obviously something about you that says I'm disciplined. I keep promises to myself. And your strength, your energy, your ability to affect people is dramatically better when you're an athlete in business. So be a business athlete. 14. Tithe and or be charitable now. Find a way on your very limited income to give something away, to give to others. I believe there's a law of reciprocity in life. And I believe when you're somebody who starts out giving, even if it's small, even when it hurts, that eventually that you're blessed and that there's something to be said for feeling good about the fact that you're contributing to others and not waiting until it's easy to do.

27:35And so even if it's very small, I mean, it could be a very marginal amount of money, but just to take a part of it and to give it to your faith or to give it to a cause you believe in or to give it to somebody in need, it'll come back to you tenfold, in my opinion. So tithe and be charitable now. And then 15, be careful who you let get close to you. Be very careful of that. When my dad was getting older and I was still a pretty young person, and I thought, my dad doesn't have a lot of close friends. I almost felt bad for my dad. My dad would say, Eddie, the older you get, you'll realize that most people are in your life for a season.

28:13And it's not that most people aren't good. Most people are good. But I would just caution you to be careful with who you let get too close to you. And I think it's some of the best advice I could give you. I can tell you most of the people that are past 30 years old right now are nodding their heads with me in massive agreement. um so people have to earn your loyalty they earn your trust and giving that away too early to somebody i believe is a mistake in life and so be careful who you get close to be very careful and who you are around regularly will determine your future very short intermission here folks i'm glad you're enjoying the show so far don't forget to follow the show on apple and spotify links are in the show notes now on to our next guest there's something unique about you ed

29:00Lewis Howes:that's no one else, and I'm not saying this because you're here. I don't think I've said this to anyone on the show. There's someone unique about you that I don't think I've ever experienced around anyone else. There's an essence. There's a presence. There's a power, a command, an authority, a humble confidence. There's like this essence about you. Thank you. And I'm really curious, what do you think made you you? What were the elements growing up that made you all the things you are now? Was it pre-13, kind of everything that happened with your parents? Was it stuff more from school? Was it a relationship that really kind of flipped these things on for you?

29:40Lewis Howes:What were the elements early on that made you this commanding, kind presence today? Well, thank you for that. Thank you. That's nice to hear. Because, by the way, I love people that have that combo. I love people with a lot of self-confidence, a lot of humility. because people with a lot of humility that have no self-confidence, you're kind of dragging them through life as a friend. Someone with all their self-confidence, no humility, they're going to burn out. They're going to make a mistake. They're not curious. They don't grow. I think even the reason I'm in the personal development space, why do I believe so much that people can change?

30:11I watched my dad do it. And then in my case, I had to learn these things, man, to be like a baseline functioning person. So my default personality is insecure.

30:23Lewis Howes:Even today? Even today. Come on. very much really very much how is that default you wake up and you say i'm a nobody or what what's um i lack this i'm fooling everybody really they really knew you know uh pretty some imposter syndrome mixed with just like tremendous i was bullied as a kid my dad was an alcoholic i wasn't a real big guy the only thing i wasn't good in school the only thing i was good at was sports a lot like with you you were a great athlete so my default is tons of insecurity. So that's probably never going to go away, the humility part. So the part that I've worked on really hard is the self-confidence part.

31:03And so I've got all this stuff in the book on those tips and what have I done to build it? Because I had to get there just to get to baseline. And then I'm like, this stuff works. What if I refined it and made it my own and started to build these other strategies and stuff? So the confidence part is the thing I'm always going to have to work on.

31:18Lewis Howes:Even today, even with all the success and the massive show and the big businesses and all the homes and everything that people see. Yeah, the truth is, yeah. What else do you need, though, to feel more confident? I don't need other things. It's an internal game. I don't need other stuff. In other words, the stuff is really fleeting and temporary. So I don't need another, you know, I bought an island lately. You know that, right? Like when I bought this island, they didn't make me more confident. It just was something that I've always wanted to be able to do. But it's not stuff. What needs to happen for me is that I'm most confident when I'm living in my intention, which is to serve, which is to like help other people.

31:56When I'm not doing that, Wayne Dyer, when I met him really, really young, told me, you're going to change the world, Ed Milet. And I'm like, and then he, I'm sure he said this to a lot of people, but he complimented me. I met him on a beach. We watched the sun come up together. In Maui. Yeah, I was running on the beach. That's where he lived. Yeah. I was running on the beach. What was he like? I never met him. Incredible. So we became a dear friend of mine. But I'm running, you know, you get up before the sun comes up. I'm running on this. I'd won this incentive trip. And there's this bald dude running towards me with this hairy back.

32:24I'll never forget this sweaty, hairy back. And it was so long ago because I had a Sony Walkman on. Wow. And he had one. And he ran by me. I go, that was Wayne Dyer. And I said, Dr. Dyer, you changed my life. And he had this deep voice like mine. And he pulls up and he goes, well, I doubt that.

32:39Lewis Howes:Wow. And he goes, I bet you changed your life. But he goes, how did I help you? And then he walked towards me. And I get emotional. like God's been so good to me. We sat on this beach together and watched the sun come up for about an hour and a half. And about an hour into it, he goes, you're going to change the world. And I'm sure he said this to a lot of people. And he's like, and it's, you're very talented. You're brilliant. You're a good communicator, you know. And he goes, and that's not the reason why. And he was writing a book at that time called The Power of Intention. That's a great book.

33:08Lewis Howes:Great book. Incredible book. And he goes, you really intend to help people. And he goes, all these things with your father and your upbringing and all that, Ed, He goes, that's all made you. And he goes, you have such a heart to want to help people. And he goes, would you do me a favor if we never meet again? And we ended up meeting many times. I said, yeah. And he said, never link your confidence to your ability. Because I know you struggle with your confidence. If it's predicated on your abilities or your achievements, you're always going to be chasing it. He goes, but if you'd link your confidence to your intentions, man, do you have beautiful intentions.

33:41And that is something I knew about me. I know I have a good heart. and I've never forgotten that. So when I do a podcast or a speech, I just connect to my intent, you know, and it's been the one thing that's brought me confidence. Because if you said, hey, Ed, you gotta be confident because you're great or you've got a house or you have a plane, I go, yeah, but, yeah, but. But if you go, you gotta be confident because you have beautiful intentions to help you, but I go, hmm.

34:04Lewis Howes:I'm about to list you now. You might be right. Yeah, yeah. And that's where my confidence comes from. So as an athlete, I gain confidence from results, from actually getting the result of becoming better. That's one way to get it. I was not good, and then I put in the effort, and all the mistakes or the failures or the feedback, what I like to call it, gave me the lessons and taught me how to get better to accomplish the result that I was looking for. Achieve the goal, win the game, or just improve my abilities. So what I'm hearing you say is also link confidence to intention. Some people say link it to the effort, right?

34:39Lewis Howes:Like the effort that you show up, that you just keep showing up, and others talk about the results. Should we be thinking about it? I call it the holy trilogy in the book of self-confidence. What is this? The confidence trilogy is faith, have confidence. So if you're a person of faith, no matter what you believe in, it's amazing to me how people that believe in energy, quantum energy, or they believe in, they're a Christian like me. I believe in both, by the way. But whatever their faith is, that they have it on Sunday. They have it at Bible study or they have it when they get together with their friends or when they meditate.

35:09But somehow when they walk into a business meeting, they're alone. So why are you alone then, but you're not alone these other times? So I'm never alone. So that's number one. Number two is my intention. And third is my associations change my confidence. But here's the biggie. If you don't have self-confidence, here's what you have. You have a really bad reputation with yourself. Yes. You have built a habit of not keeping the promises you make to yourself. We've all heard this before. But there's a level. I have a chapter in the book called One More Standard. Here's how I built what I would call almost superhuman confidence in spite of my insecurity.

35:41Think about that. Superhuman confidence in spite of my insecurity. And it's exactly what you just said. It's an effort play. If you don't have self-confidence, you've never kept the promises you make to yourself. Check that box. If you have self-confidence, you've started to keep the promises you make to yourself. If you want to have superhuman self-confidence, you keep the promises you make to yourself and one more. So if I'm going to get up and I'm going to work out and I'm going to do 10 reps in the gym, I do one more. If I'm going to do 45 minutes on the treadmill, I do one more. If I want to make 10 contacts in a day, I do that and one more.

36:11If I'm going to tell my daughter I love her every day, I'm going to do that and one more. And so that higher standard, because in life we don't get our goals, we get our standards long term. And so if your standard is one more, what starts to happen is you go, I'm willing to do things other people aren't willing to do. and I combine that, that I have great faith, great associations and I intend to help people. This is a formula to build wonderful self-confidence and never lack humility when you have it.

36:39Lewis Howes:So when did you learn this one more mindset? Was this from your dad early on or was this? From my dad. So we talked about this a little bit earlier but my dad had these couple theories he would always say to me. And so one was when he got sober, he gave it one more try. He was gonna stay sober one day at a time. And then my dad, there's no dreaming in my house. So there's no like my jet, you know, I've had, I've been blessing like multiple airplanes, right? In my life. My jet was in almost walking distance of my dad's house. He's never been on any of them. Wow. And I would say to my dad, I would say, Hey, let's go play golf in Maui.

37:09Let's go. There's these great golf courses in the ocean. And my dad would say, well, why would I go all the way to Maui to play golf with my favorite person, my son, when we can play here in Chino? It's not about there. I want to be with my son. So this, my family had none of that stuff, but my dad knew I was a dreamer. and my dad would always say, you know, I was one decision away from changing my life the whole time. One choice. And he'd say, Eddie, you're not as far away from these dreams as you think you are. And I'd say, really, Dad? And he'd go, no, you're actually a lot closer than you think.

37:40But because you think it's so far away, you behave in accordance with that belief system and it always keeps it that far away from you.

37:47Lewis Howes:So how do we bring our dreams closer to us? The first thing is, that's a great question, the first thing is you need to believe and know that you're one decision, one relationship, one meeting, one book, one thought, one something away from a completely different life. And when you know that, then you begin to look for them. And so in the second chapter of the book, I have a thing in the book called the matrix. And your matrix is your reticular activating system in your brain. It's the filter for your entire life. Okay. And this filter reveals to you the world that's in front of you. Again, an example of it is, I like what Musk is doing.

38:19So I just bought a Tesla. I drove it here today.

38:21Lewis Howes:I got a Tesla too. You do? Model X or what do you got? I got a Plaid. Okay, wow. A Plaid. It's a good one. Nice. And so I bought this Plaid and all of a sudden, man, everywhere I go, there's Teslas. You see them everywhere. Oh, yeah. I'm like, whoa. I see them everywhere. The other one. Three lanes over, other side. Freaking Tesla. This is crazy. They were always there. Why didn't I see them before? Because they weren't part of my RAS. So the key thing I teach you in the book, how to slow down time and create the matrix of your life when you make the Teslas of your life, those relationships, those meetings, those thoughts, those encounters.

38:50You can very easily do this, but there's a process of repeated visualization you do that's not complicated. It's chapter two of the book, and it will shift you. The other component, too, I have a chapter in the book called Become an Impossibility Thinker and a Possibility Achiever. Here's how most people's frame works. They don't have an RAS program. They're not intentional, so they keep getting. If the things most important to you are your worries, fears, anxieties, problems, bills, you will continue to have people, places, and things revealed to you that confirm it. And if you operate out of your memory and your history, if this is your pattern, your framework, you will continue to find those things.

39:24You need to learn to operate out of your imagination and your dreams. This is a different framework for life. Imagination is different than dreaming. Imagination causes you to create dreams and thoughts that never happen. When you imagine something, you create a space. Once you have a thought, this is powerful. When you have a thought, you create a space that did not exist in the world before you had that thought. and that space now exists. And the way your brain works and your life works and the universe works is it tries to furnish that space, whether it's a negative or a positive thought. It starts to hear things it wouldn't hear.

39:55That's why like when you're in a crowded room and they say, Lewis, you can hear Lewis auditorily over all the noise. Why? It's in your RAS. It's why you see the Tesla, okay? So the key thing is being able to operate out of this imagination. Why is imagination so important? When you were a child, three, four, five years old, you were probably happier than you are right now. Why? Two reasons. A, you were closer to God. You had just been with God more recently. And two, you operated out of your imagination. You didn't operate out of a history and a memory because you didn't have one. And slowly over time, by the time you were 10, 11, 12 years old, loving people installed their limiting thoughts and beliefs, their software, into you.

40:34Because most things in life are caught, not taught. You catch them. Wow. And so now you're starting to operate out of history and memory. and you repeat it and your RAS begins to see the things that reinforce that history and memory. And so you basically have the same life over and over again with a different cast of characters in a different environment, but the same emotions. You have the same emotional home. My dad used to say to me, every call, bro, till the day he died and I'm 50 years old, blah, blah, blah, whatever we're talking about. Last thing he would always say to me, be careful.

41:05Lewis Howes:Be careful. What the heck? And I'd go, I don't know. I never knew. But what is that programming from the time you're eight years old? Be careful. Hey, go to school. Watch out. Be careful. So it operated out of this fear thing, right? Oh, I need to be careful. I need to be careful. But don't make this risk. Don't take that business decision. Don't start a podcast. Don't get on that stage and speak. Don't do this. Don't do that. You say that to an already unconfident, insecure person. He meant it lovingly. By the time I'm 50 worth hundreds of millions of dollars, be careful. He didn't even know he was saying it to me.

41:32But what was he doing? He was installing, God bless him, his limiting beliefs into me as a little boy. So a lot of these things that you believe, you were defenseless when you started to believe them. They were installed in you by loving people who were around you. And even though your life may look differently, your emotional home, the four, five, six emotions you experience pretty regularly, might be really familiar from your parents, one or two of them. Right? And so you need to look at your emotional home.

41:57Lewis Howes:What's your most powerful emotion and the emotion that you wish you could let go of? Love is the most powerful emotion in the world. We will all do everything for love. If there were more love in the world, the way we treat one another, the way we express our thoughts, you know, you'll do anything for love, right? So love is by far my most powerful emotion. It's like, like, I love you. Then like, when I just saw you, we didn't just like people, we didn't just hug for like one second. Yeah. And you do this better than I do. I hold people, I make it uncomfortable because I just want to hug and love on people.

42:28But it's not uncomfortable, bro. Right. Because the reason you're so successful is you truly do love people. Yeah. And you come from that place. and I know we're bigger dudes and like, that's a beautiful expression of a man. A real man is capable of real love. That's a sign of real strength. So that's the most powerful one. And then for me, I know the emotion that I wish I didn't have, it's chaos. Really?

42:51Lewis Howes:How often do you experience chaos? Less because I'm aware of it, but I'm gonna tell you all the time till about five years ago, even when we first met. Why? I used to even say this, man, I operate great under chaos. Man, you should see me operate under chaos. Most people can't handle chaos. calm under pressure. Well, the reason for that was I grew up in an alcoholic home. So I'm very familiar with chaos. It became a very familiar emotion. And what we do is we gravitate towards the familiar emotions in our life, even if they're not ones that serve us. And I don't think there's negative or positive emotions.

43:21I say this in the book. There just are. Fear isn't negative. Fear and abundance is negative. But some fear, being afraid to do this podcast, I say, to some extent, causes us to prepare. So a dose of it, it was given to us in the caveman days, so T-Rex didn't eat us, right? So some fear is good. Some anxiety is okay. Some frustration, some anger is appropriate. It's to the dosage level. And we get these four or five of them. For me, some chaos is okay. It's fun. It's exciting. It's exhilarating, right? But getting it every day, every week, every month, all the time. And so how do you get rid of it?

43:55Well, one way you get rid of it is just be awareness. When you have an awareness of a thought, it loses its impact and power over you. It almost becomes like this, I'll do it. I'm like, I'm doing it again, aren't I? I'm doing the chaos thing. Everything's great right now. All the houses are paid off. My kids are happy. Married to a great woman. Got great friends. I'm doing the chaos thing again, aren't I? You dummy. You're doing it again. And it kind of loses its power over you. So I have a chapter in the book called One More Emotion and how to take an inventory of the emotions you have. And so, yeah, man, mine's definitely love.

44:25And the one I don't want is chaos. because chaos causes me to act out of anger and frustration. It can depress me.

44:30Lewis Howes:And your intentions are not going to be as, I guess... It's pure. It's a gateway emotion. Chaos is my gateway emotion to the ones I don't want. Chaos gives me stress. Chaos gives me anger. Chaos gives me frustration. Chaos gives me fear. So it's a gateway emotion. What is the result when you create from that space of chaos? It's funny. I have found the ability to externally create something pretty productive. Right. but stay with me on this but the process in getting there is destructive the process in getting there is not beautiful and i used to think a lot of successful forcing your way to get the results almost through force yeah you know and the and i still do it sometimes i'm thinking of a situation this week where i did it and i used to think well that's a superpower though because i've created all these external look what i made look what i did yeah and i'm doing it because of that the truth is i did it in spite of it you did and there's a lot of things in our lives that we have linked to our formula, our recipe of success that we hold on to, that you've done in spite of those things, not because of those things.

45:32Lewis Howes:So you're 51 now? I am. 52, 51? When you were 40, on a scale of 1 to 10 of the self-confident happiness joy scale, 10 being like you loved yourself fully, you were peaceful, you had an abundant mindset, you had inner peace, joy. one being you hated yourself, you were miserable, you're in chaos 24 seven. Where were you on that scale at 40? Okay, the real answer is probably a three of happiness. But if you met me, I could convince you that it was probably an eight. That you were super happy and you had it together. Yeah, probably a three. And since your father passing, where are you now? Probably a nine.

46:14Lewis Howes:Really? Yeah, and I no longer feel the need to convince you. because I've learned that this has already existed within me. I didn't have to go get it. I just had to allow myself to experience it. And it took me a long time to treat myself in such a way that I allowed myself to feel these things that have always been there. I had them when I was a little baby boy. I just lost them along the way in these patterns and programs that were installed in me and my experiences. And I've got to share something with you, brother, that just dawned on me. I wrote this whole book and two weeks ago I had this, this is just for me and you, but everybody can hear it.

46:49Sure. And I've always tried to disqualify myself. I've always, you're not this. Why is that? It always shocks people, even people that know me really well. They're like, not you. I have that, but there's no way you have it, right?

47:01Lewis Howes:Yeah, you're too confident, too talented, too. And I don't know that I'm too talented, but I think I can fake it pretty well. And I disqualify myself because, you know, the truth is that maybe for a while, everything that I got that was love when I was a child only came when I achieved something. So I started to conflate early on in my life, recognition and significance with love. In other words, my dad would love me if I hit the home run. My dad would love me if I get straight A's. And so then when I would feel these things, but something really amazing. And also like, I'm really big at holding myself.

47:36I love to beat myself up with mistakes I've made. I did this, I did that, I should have done this, I didn't do that. And I've always thought these mistakes, these weaknesses of mine disqualify me from being happy or helping people. And this amazing breakthrough, the one decision that changed my family forever is my dad's decision to get sober. And it changed my family forever. I'm talking to you because my dad made that decision. And I've always been so proud of my dad for that. But this is just two weeks ago, 3 15 in the morning I wake up I'm crying and I wake Christiana up I go babe someone helped a dad and she went what honey I said someone helped dad she goes what do you mean I said babe I never thought about this and my dad's darkest worst moment of his life in some coffee shop or some room somewhere some precious soul helped my dad reached out to him talked to him talked to him

48:32Lewis Howes:and got him sober. Wow. And I said, babe, that's not the powerful part. And I have no idea who this person is, but I wonder if they know the difference they made in Max and Bella's, my children's lives, or your life, or the millions of people I've helped. That one decision they made. And she goes, oh my gosh. I said, I never thought about this beautiful human being. Always gave the credit to my dad, but some stranger helped him. And I said, babe, this is the bananas part. Do you know what qualified them to help my dad? Their messed up life. Wow. They were an alcoholic. They were a drug addict.

49:05Little did that person know, the things they were the most ashamed of, the biggest mistakes of their lives, when they were using drugs and drinking and stealing, that was qualifying them to change my dad's life. And all of us, we run around carrying these bags of, I'm not qualified because I made this mistake. I had this bankruptcy. This relationship didn't work. I did this thing you don't know about I'm so ashamed of. And that's why you're qualified. That's the thing that qualifies you. The humanness in you. You are the only human being with your combination of gifts that you were given, whatever they are, and your experience.

49:37And real human beings help real human beings by being vulnerable and transparent saying, I know where you are. I've messed up worse. I've made greater mistakes. I felt more. I know that depression. I know that anxiety. I know that shame. I know what that feels like. that beautiful soul who was a drug addict and alcoholic, they didn't know all those mistakes they're making were leading them out of their heart. And they finally got to a point where their intention was to help my father in the lowest moment of his life. They changed my dad's life and their changed mine. And maybe me and you were changing a few today because of that person's mess.

50:14It's crazy. Is that crazy? That's amazing. I know. I know. Love them and thank them.

50:20Lewis Howes:That's amazing, man. That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Milet Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest. Welcome back to Max Out with Ed Milet. I got him. I got E.T. Hey. We've been so glad to have you here. Thank you so much. Beautiful home. Thank you. Thank you. Beautiful family, man. I feel, yeah, I don't do a lot of this. So those who know me know I've probably done two, three podcasts. Yeah, well, wow. So this is special. And as good as it is to have you here, it's better to have Deedee, your wife, here with you.

50:57Definitely. Figuring it all out. Yeah, no question. So thank you. Yeah, thank you. So this is Eric Thomas, as you all know. And in my opinion, you guys know that I've been speaking for a long time. I think this is an anointed, gifted, incredible communicator because it comes from your heart. You're outstanding. So for someone listening to this, talk about routine. because if you want everyone wants to be free one of the challenges they act free before they are you know what i mean like you there's a certain amount of disciplines and routine and habits and rituals you got to have that could get you free at one point talk about that for a second yeah i'm gonna say honestly man you know i i came to the realization one day and again love my biological father you know much respect much respect for the person that raised me um but i realized at some point when i looked at my family's history i was like some things i don't want there's some things i want but there's some things i don't want and then i i remember having to say one of it to myself like yo you are your father's child like yo even though you didn't he didn't raise you even though in the beginning you guys had you know whatever little stuff y 'all need to get through eat don't lie you are lazy at times you know i'm saying like eat you are super social and you'd rather talk than work you know i'm saying i just had to grow up one day and just be real with myself and just say e the only way you're going to be successful is you got to discipline yourself you know when you look at uh when you look at a horse i'm talking about a thoroughbred it still needs that what is that thing called that they put on it it still he needs that without you know you can't you you got to control him you know he got a lot of juice got a lot of energy he can go for but you gotta you gotta hone that yeah and so i realized like yo e you sleep in You play video game.

52:39Don't lie to yourself. You are powerful, but you have some vices and you have some vices that take you down a crazy road. Like you are your father. You are your grandfather. You are your mother. You are your grandma. It's real. And so I start saying, OK, you got to discipline yourself. And this is for me. This ain't for everybody. I start getting up at three o 'clock in the morning. It's like, you have to get up a little bit earlier because you didn't finish school. You didn't take care of your business. So you can't get up the same time another man who gets up who handle his business. So you need to get up at three if you're gonna catch the greats.

53:11You got to get up at three. You got to go to bed earlier. This is why I said I never drank or smoked because the men in my life who did it were extremists. Had an uncle who died, cirrhosis of the liver. You know, I had other uncles who drank and my father, bless his heart, but he was strung out on drugs for about 14 years. And I was just like, yo, E, you can see that they don't know how to do it casually. Like, they ain't social drinkers. Like, they ain't social on something. They taking it to a whole other level. And so for me, it was like, E, you got to discipline yourself. You're not going to die if you never know what alcohol tastes like.

53:44But if you taste it, you might have the same experience they had. So you just got to discipline yourself. You know, I do vegan most of the time. You know what I'm saying? And I tell people all the time, I love fried chicken. I love macaroni and cheese. I love a lot of desserts. But in my family, it's diabetes. So it's like yo if you do what they do then you're gonna get the results they got so you yeah chicken is good And macaroni cheese where my grandma make it is great. And yes the pound cake is phenomenal But if you want to be with DD for the next 30 40 years you want to be able to walk You know I'm saying you don't want to be on the cruise I'm just on the cruise and they a couple people you know was on the motor scooter I'm saying people with the Kings and the walkers and I'm not mad at them But I'm like I don't want that I want to be able to walk at 60.

54:24Yes at 70 I want to be independent at 80 if I can be. So I'm going to have to make some sacrifices now for the long run. I would drink pop every day if I could. Is everybody hearing this, though? Like, I mean, listen, all of us want to win. Like, you already said, like, I've got to get up at 3 o 'clock if I'm going to catch the greats because I started with some deficiency. Successful people are very self-aware. Like, they don't BS themselves, right? Like, I have laziness, too. I love laying around. I love sleep. right no but before I wouldn't have got to sleep here if I if I was just me I had to get these rituals and habits and disciplines and people think sometimes they listen to me and they were so intense like these dudes are freaks I'm not a freak but you know what I said because it makes it easier for them to say I can't do it if they freaks then I can't do that's they're out you're exactly right I'm not gonna give you that out neither are you like I'm lazy I gotta get up early I gotta get up because if I don't get up by like I get up at 4 35 but if I don't get up by then I will be in bed at eight o 'clock.

55:23I have to get up. I have to move my body. So I'm with you a hundred percent. That was a great conversation. Be sure to follow the Ed Milet show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way.

55:35Lewis Howes:I mean, you live in a space where there was a lot of other people that came through that could have done something big. Yeah, there's no question. By the way, and I think successful relative to what, right? Like, I think both you and I are pretty good at this deception thing. Like people do it in reverse. So some people deceive themselves into thinking they're further ahead than they are, right? They're constantly, you know, they only want to tell you how well they're doing. And they're sort of deceiving themselves. And that deception leads to lack of activity, drive, desire, blah, blah, blah.

56:02You and I do the reverse. I deceive myself I'm further behind than I am. I know you do this too because we've talked about it. I love deceiving myself. I love deceiving our company. I love deceiving the team because I want us to feel like we got it. Malcolm X has this great quote. He says, that which you do not hate, you will eventually tolerate. I'm a big believer. I got to almost despise where I am right now. And I do. So I'm kind of the king of deception with myself. So I don't feel that successful.

56:27Lewis Howes:You understand what he's saying, okay? He deceives himself. Okay? Most people that I meet, like, I'm doing good. Really? Compared to what? Correct. Okay, if I tell you, hey, a guy says to you he's living the dream. Yeah. You like that? I don't like that. Every person that's ever said that to me, I knew had already pulled off the side of the road. 100%. I'm living the dream. I'm like, what dream is this? Yeah, literally, it's funny. one of my top guys at our firm a few weeks ago, one of my favorite people, probably one of the most talented guys in my company. I won't say who he is because he might be watching this, but he said that to me.

56:56He goes, I just wanted to share with the world how amazing and incredible my life is and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I told him, I said, when I was at your level, I couldn't stomach it. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't live on that kind of income. I didn't want to live my life like that. And I said, it scares me that you think somehow this is the dream. And then of course he kind of corrected himself and backstopped. But the fact is I'm constantly deceiving myself that I, and it's not even, it's really, I really do feel that way. I really don't feel successful. I don't think I'm a failure, but I do measure it up against the highest version of me, my highest expression.

57:25As opposed to what?

57:26Lewis Howes:As opposed to measuring yourself against what? Other people. That's the biggest thing people do. They're so obsessed with other people. It kills them. They think about, what are they thinking about me? What are they going to think about me? What are they saying? And then they measure themselves against other people, too. And I don't think, I mean, I've been around you. You're a powerhouse, but neither one of us are, I think you were talking about Einstein at the break. Like, neither one of us have a super crazy off-the-charts IQ. Yeah. Sure, no, you don't. So I'm going to talk to you for enough.

57:52I know for sure you don't.

57:53Lewis Howes:You've done that a couple times now. He keeps taking shots at you. Well, it's obvious. They're watching. They know. They've seen you. They know you do. No, but the fact of the matter is you didn't get where you are. No, but you didn't get where you are because of some gifted, gigantic intellect. I can't wait to meet your wife, though, man. No, but it's a fact. Both of us didn't get there because of some unbelievable natural giftedness we have that just produced success, right? So I don't measure myself against other people because they've got gifts that are different than mine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

58:18Lewis Howes:But you've done unbelievable with what you've had. And I agree with the statement you made in the first segment, which was this middle class thing. Yes. I got enough food. Yeah. I got enough, you know, I got enough food. I got enough money. I got a car. I got a bike. Yeah. It can be very easy to become deceived by it's good enough. Well, here's what it is. For most people, you have to ask yourself this too. Most people, this is what's different about you. I just told you this the other day. The thing that impresses me the most about you is that the more successful you've become, the more you've been fed, the hungrier you are, which is irrational.

58:51Most people, the more they eat, the less hungry they are. The freaks of the world, they'll make us successful. Somehow, the more they're fed, they get hungrier. So the question now for a guy like you and that they're asking, when's enough enough?

59:02Lewis Howes:How many times have you been asked this? I've been asked that a lot, and there's no such thing for me because I'm not trying to get to necessarily a place or just an amount. I have goals. I want to be a billionaire. I have these things I want. But I'm not trying to just get to destinations. I'm trying to see where I can get as a man in every fast bit. My body, my spirituality, my family, my finances, my influence, my ability to communicate. Here's for most people. This is what I love about you since I took the shot at your limited intellect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It isn't really that limited. Hey, we all have a limited intellect.

59:30Lewis Howes:Don't kid yourself. No, you're right. I can recognize it in others because I suffer from it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And here's what it is. Most people's will to win is for sale. It's for sale. Most people's will. will is for sale. To win is for sale. They can be bought. I can't be bought. So if we give you just, most people, if we gave you just enough money, if there's a certain dollar amount, you'd stop working hard. We give you a title, you'd stop working hard. We give you a car or a plane or a house. That's the book, bro. That's the book. Is that the book? Yeah, that might be the book. That is the book.

1:00:00Your will to win is for sale. That's right. And I decided once I realized that, because I watch it happen with people in their body and their finances and their family and their faith, whatever it is, I'm not for sale. So there isn't a place you're going to buy me. You can't get me. There's not a stop, a place, a destination where you're going to get me to relent, to quit. I want to improve. That doesn't mean I don't struggle with my motivation from time to time. It doesn't mean I don't get confused or down. Of course I do, but I'm not for sale. You can't buy me. And you know this too. We see friends of ours, even guys in their 60s and they sold their company for blah, blah, blah.

1:00:31Now they golf nine days a week or whatever. That's fine, but they're for sale. They were bought. You were bought. You were for sale.

1:00:38Lewis Howes:I'm not for sale. Tell me about, I mean, Ed Milet today. I mean, I know you don't like to brag or anything. He's got a plane. He's got four or five homes. How many homes you got? I have, golly, man. How many homes you got? I have five houses. Where are they? Okay, Laguna Beach on the sand in Laguna Beach. Okay, okay. I got Palm Desert. Palm Desert. Two hours away. Yeah, I got one in Diamond Bar where I grew up. Where's Diamond Bar? Diamond Bar is where I grew up. How far is that from your main house? Not that far. An hour and a half away. Okay, an hour and a half, you've got a third home. I've got a place in Hawaii.

1:01:11Four. Yeah, and I've got a place, and my favorite place is in Coeur d 'Alene, Idaho. Five. On Lake Coeur d 'Alene, which is heaven on earth, just so you know. The most beautiful place on the planet.

1:01:17Lewis Howes:Why does anybody need five homes though? They don't need five homes. They don't need one to. Why do you have five homes? Okay, I'll give you a good answer for it. One, I wanted to enjoy nice things, but it was part of my dream early. I wanted to hit those places, but here's the other reason. I don't like traveling, and I don't like feeling like I'm on vacation. So I wanted to buy houses where I could live on vacation and work, so I can be in the most

1:01:38grind and work from my house, my backyard. So it feels like I'm on vacation, but I'm not living on vacation. I want to waste those days traveling and taking two weeks off. You know, you meet these guys, I was three weeks in Cabo. I don't do that crap. I live in Laguna Beach. I don't really need to go to Cabo. I go once in a while if there's a business reason or some break. But I understand the Laguna thing.

1:01:54Lewis Howes:It's the other four homes I don't understand. Well, okay, you don't want to have the details, but one of them my mother-in-law lives in because they couldn't afford to keep their house, right? The other one is I'm going to build on it eventually someday. And Coeur d 'Alene is my dream place, man. And Palm Desert is at a place called Bighorn, which I'm going to take you to. I think it's the best golf club in the world. So when I do want to go golf or I do want to entertain or I do want to get my vision stretched. And here's the other thing, last thing. But you're questioning all these homes yourself.

1:02:17Lewis Howes:I don't question. Because you brought it up to me. What I question is whether I should own them all cash. Because I have no debt on any of those homes. And I wonder whether I leverage them. I don't question having the house. But let me just say something. The other thing is, there's a lesson to this. These places have brought me into associations and meeting people that were further ahead of me in my life. And stretched me. And so getting in the environment, changing my environment to be around people that were further ahead in some of the games of life I wanted to be in has had a huge impact on me.

1:02:43So a couple of these homes have paid for themselves just by the people I got around. Before we start the interview with my next guest, just want to remind you all that you can subscribe to the show on YouTube or follow the show on Apple or Spotify. We have all the links in our show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now on with the show. Welcome back to the show, everybody. Well, I wish this was in person, but it'll still be fire today. I'm with, there is no better motivational speaker of all time. That's what you all know him for. But I got to know him a little better. And I'm going to tell you one thing about him.

1:03:15I don't know a better man. I wish I was around him more so I could tell you more stories. But I will tell you this. When my book came out. And very few people stepped forward and said, hey, brother, how can I help you? And this man stepped forward in a way like nobody else did and helped me in ways that I will never forget till the day I die. His support for me and my family. And as great of a communicator as he is, I admire him. I look up to him as a husband, as a father, as a friend, and as an entrepreneur as well. but particularly as a man of faith and as a husband and a father, I know no better man than him.

1:03:49And I could give somebody no bigger compliment man to man than I'm giving him right now. So ET Eric Thomas, welcome back to the show. I love you and it's great to have you here. What's up fam, man. I love you as well. And yeah, you know, it's a lot of entrepreneurs, a lot of people in the business world, you know, but when you run across a couple of people, man, who share the same, you know, values that you share you know trying to leave their mark on the world you know and so yeah likewise man just coming to the house the first time I remember my wife still talks about it in Laguna Beach she's like hey before we die you need to give me a house a beachfront house I was like okay I'll try you know but uh you could do it you know just the way your family was man and just the love and support it's just been uh rich and there are opportunities I've had and business things that I've done, you know, because of this relationship, man, that I'm grateful for.

1:04:44You know what I love the most? It's while it's public, you know, it's private, you know, it's not one of those things where you have to walk around and be like, boom, boom, boom, you know, so I'm just grateful for you, man, publicly and, you know, privately, bro. Thank you, brother. You've been around lots of highly successful people and you are one. and one of the things that I think most people don't know is the level of work required of effort meaning like I don't know I I think if someone spent the last five years with me in business and they I'm not trying to brag but like if they thought they worked hard there's levels to this game or like in the speaking game you and I talked when the the stuff hit the last couple years there's just levels to the work ethic and the grind the things you got to do you look at a Steph Curry in basketball.

1:05:32Oh, he's such a gifted shooter. Actually, he's not. Actually, it's the grind. Actually, Tiger and Jack Nicklaus, the amount of golf balls they hit. Actually, Judge and Otani in baseball. You have no idea the amount of work. And even in coaching, you and I have been around all these great college football coaches, which I think is one of the hardest jobs in the world. There's a level to where Saban played at. Dabo Sweeney, who I know you've been with. I think most people are like it about, and you talk about this a lot, like maybe the 50 60 percent of their capacity or effort and that is not going to get it done no matter how much you sit around and do other things that serve you there's a level to this thing and you've been close to it and you are at it talk about that for a minute look i i want to say this to everybody that's listening here's what i think would be the easier thing to do just lower your expectations i'm just being real like you know when i was with ed and he was doing the book launch i'm just being real i did a book launch it would probably 70 on that level in terms of i wasn't just in the rub don't get it twisted i'm not a good guy okay i'm god makes me a better man i was in the room learning i wasn't i promise y 'all i wasn't just in there talking i listen to me i don't even know if ed knows this after before i did my thing and after i did my thing i was all the way in the back sitting down i didn't know that i was all the way in the back of the room with a pin in the pad i didn't know that like studying like yo e bro this is being real you're not on this level like you're not you're not one you're not on this level in terms of like maximizing you know your network like you're not you're not you're not on that the the space that we were in listen to me i don't know if i told you this but your your guy he ended up helping me um like what what would you call it like renovate the church and put beautiful signing on it he don't even live here i did not even live here he helped he helped me he made some phone calls he called the piece like if i gotta leave charlotte and come down there i got you but i'm gonna try to find somebody this is what i'm talking about y 'all like so i was in the building learning seeing who ed was connecting with then connecting with them afterwards so here's my deal when I was in the room I had to say to myself E if you want some of this stuff Ed got E you're gonna have to gotta raise your game some so you got an option you could even go hey me being in the room with Ed and watching what Ed was doing this this is strictly for recreational purposes you feel me it's like hey this recreational purpose bro go ahead get out of here or A-E.

1:08:15God showed it to you. He showed it to you. He showed you a level. Are you ready? And so for me, it was like, absolutely, I'm ready. So I just want to say this to you guys. Either lower your expectations because you don't have to do everything you see other people do. You don't have to do it. You could just go, man, it's like going to a basketball game. You're not trying to suit up and do what Curry does, but when you look at it, you kind of think, oh, he human like I'm human, so I can't. Watch yourself, okay? Watch yourself. You might not want to put them sneaks on. You might not want to get in that gym.

1:08:46And what I saw Ed do when I went back, I was like, okay, E, number one, you got to get more organized. So, like, you got passion. You got energy. But what you saw at Ed, you saw a system. You saw a structure. You saw people over here and people over here and people doing it and people in the back. And when you get in, people in the parking. So it's like, E, when you get to the crib, from a speaking standpoint, you definitely give it 1 ,000%. but from a structural standpoint you're not giving 1000 then i look at the packages in the dick and i was like e you don't got so y 'all might have saw if you watched it it was a group in here there was a group out there and then the level of men that was on stage who are also dominant in their particular area where i was with people who i've only seen in a podcast i only see these dudes on social media i ain't never been in a room with them before i was in a room with them and so yes you know i had to come home not necessarily get up earlier not necessarily grind physically harder but i had to take my mental game to another level i had to take my systems game to another level i had to this is a grind that you probably don't know i had to remove people which hurts to bring in a different group of people to take me where i wanted to go because i realized a group that was with me phenomenal group of humans phenomenal group of people they probably would get to heaven before I get there.

1:10:11But in order to take me from number four to number one, they weren't necessarily the people that could do that. So to add a point, I personally went home and did an evaluation on ET. I personally studied ET and said, yeah, you got it going over here. But this seed is an apple seed, an orange seed. This is not a watermelon seed. And these seeds that you're planting will never get you watermelon. So, yep, you got some dynamic. are you posting every day you're putting out dynamic stuff but that will not get what you saw ed do in terms of systems and so you got to come home and your new grind is system i don't know what your grind is but i'm telling you i had to start reading books i had to go to conferences i had to shift what i was watching online i had to shift who i was following great humans great people they were only going to help me sustain this energy they weren't going to help me with the structure here's what i realized e nobody's better than you but there are some people who's got better systems than you and so if you want to see growth you got to start grinding on the systems level so don't i don't want you to get what ed said and you miss it you like oh i got to get up earlier i got to grind maybe you don't have to get up earlier to accomplish what you've already accomplished but to get this done you do have to make some adjustments and that's what the Ryan looked like and that's what the hustle looked like and can I say this Ed man I don't even know if I ever said this before but sometimes and I don't know if you've experienced this sometimes bruh you putting up 40 with 30 rebounds and you like whatever and then you go somewhere and God shows you and I was talking to my son the other day and he kind of was hurt because he was like dad you know you acting like I'm and I said hold up I'm sorry you putting up 30 you putting of 10 but the 30 points and the 10 rebounds have nothing to do with the assist you don't get credit for assists because you scored and you got rebounds they they don't they don't take your points and go well we're gonna put those over and rebound they don't take your rebounds and go we're gonna put those with your assist and when i left you you know i there was a part of me that was like god you want me to do more yeah you want me to do more am i not grinding enough he was like Absolutely.

1:12:33And every seed you planted is going to grow. But you just looked at what Ed was doing, and you saw there was a gap. So you have a choice to make here. You got rebounds. You got points. But the assists on, you at zero. So what do you want to do? And there was a moment where I had to go, you're not overwhelmed. You're just rising to the level that God is asking you to rise. Oh, my gosh. There's no anxiety. The Bible said, be anxious for nothing, but in all things through prayer and supplication, make your requests known to God. But there was a 30-second boy was like, man, God, how am I going to be blessed?

1:13:14When I, he said, how? One, that's your boy. So you can just call. Then I had Rory in the back interviewing me. God like, yo, you don't have to do it. You can just, and then just, and I did just that. my relationship with Roy you know went from a person that you know respects him to sitting at his feet to listen to the podcast to studying you guys and I can honestly say after that event system wise you know I've gone to another level so to me that's what it looks like when your expectations your dreams your goals and your grind match and if y 'all not ready to work it doesn't make you a bad human just lower your expectations gosh that's so it's so good and that idea of the grind.

1:13:55I want to say one thing, everybody, when he's talking about rebounds and points, the application of that for you is this, is that if you're average, you keep giving yourself credit for the things you're already doing. But if you want to be extraordinary, you got to go, what's the thing like the power of one more in the book, I talk about your one decision away. I think all of you listening to this right now, if I can be honest with you, you already know what it is. You know, the thing you're not doing, you need to be doing that would change your life in your business. You already know what it is.

1:14:21It's having the guts, the courage, the faith to call the shot like an et's case i'm gonna go back i don't need to work harder i gotta get more systematic maybe i can even work less hard if i put these systems in place for you it might be something you are doing or that you need to stop doing to get your life to the next level very short intermission here folks i'm glad you're enjoying the show so far don't forget to follow the show on apple and spotify links are in the show notes now on to our next guest welcome back everybody i wanted to have alan on our show for a long time i was just telling him this off camera.

1:14:52I wanted to have him on because he's got a really unique perspective and an upfront view to some of the key performers in the NBA for many, many years. And he's taken the lessons he's learned from these high performers and he's distilled it down into information that everybody can use as an entrepreneur, as a father, as a mother, as just a human being. And he communicates it in a very unique way. We're going to go very deep today on performance, on your game. His first book I read, which is called Raise Your Game. The book that's out now is called Sustain Your Game, High Performance Keys to Manage Stress, Avoid Stagnation, and Beat Burnout.

1:15:28I think everybody listening to this needs some help right now in the world with stress, stagnation, and burnout. So, Alan Stein, welcome to the show, bro.

1:15:36Alan Stein Jr.:Oh, man, it's so awesome to be here. My pleasure. Finally, man. And I've been doing the show for a long time. You know, the truth that you're spitting here is remarkable to me and the application of it. Here's how people need to apply that. So once again, and I'm so glad that you brought up the point that, well, I may use basketball examples because that's where I've spent most of my life. Folks need to take these and figure out how they can apply them to their situation. So step number one is figure out what does winning look like to you or what does success look like to you? Again, this could be in your marriage.

1:16:09Alan Stein Jr.:This could be in your business. This could be for something you're doing in your community, but figure out what does winning look like. Now, of course, in the game of basketball, which Simon Sinek has said is a finite game, and I'm a big fan of Simon's work, is a finite game. We have unanimously around the globe agreed that the team with the most points on the scoreboard when the final buzzer goes off is the winner. Life, relationships, business, it's a little more esoteric. It's not as clear. How you might define winning in business might be slightly different than maybe one of your friends or colleagues, but that doesn't matter.

1:16:39Alan Stein Jr.:You just have to get crystal clear on what winning looks like to you. And then you need to figure out what are the measurable building blocks, the bricks, if you will, that will allow me to reach that goal. And then once you have that North Star, take your eyes off of it and just focus on the bricks. Think about a GPS, which most people need to navigate the world these days. I don't know how I survived without one beforehand. But you need to know two things. You need to know where you are in the moment, not where you were five minutes ago, five days ago or five weeks ago. You need to know where you are right now and you need to have an end address.

1:17:12Alan Stein Jr.:Where am I going? Those are the only two points you need. And then once you have those two points, you don't need to worry about either one of them. What you need to do now is pay attention to the directions and listen to every turn that you're supposed to make. And of course, the beauty with this analogy is if you're like me and kind of directionally dysfunctional, you're probably going to take a wrong turn. And then what happens? It reroutes. It just reroutes. So the GPS doesn't get angry at you. It doesn't call you an idiot. It just simply reroutes. and it puts you back on that course. And that's ultimately what all of us should be trying to do is pursue our North Star by focusing on the steps and directions it takes to get there.

1:17:46Alan Stein Jr.:And when you misstep or you make a wrong turn, don't get upset over it. Just move to the next play and take the next direction to reroute. It's really, really good. And I think oftentimes people feel lost and that's why this clarity of what success looks like to you or the blueprint that you want is really so important. The other thing that happens is people get tired. I think it's the second chapter of the book. You talk about stress management. You talk about energy management as well. And that's a big thing in our culture today. I think people are tired. I don't think they manage their energy very well.

1:18:15I watch this, even a basketball analogy, I've watched certain teams that, you know, I think, wow, they're tired. And I watch friends of mine in business and life. They just seem tired to me. So what is energy management and what are some of your keys for it?

1:18:30Alan Stein Jr.:Well, we need to make sure we're protecting both time and energy. And as we know, I know you've said this on many previous shows, you know, obviously time Time is our most precious resource because that is finite. Whenever that's done, that's done. We don't have any more of it. Energy is something, though, that we can actually replenish. And a lot of that has to do with with our routines and our self-care. Are we making the time to fill our own buckets mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually so that we can keep that that battery, that internal battery of our lives as close to 100 percent as possible?

1:18:59Alan Stein Jr.:Most people would freak out if they looked down at their iPhone and saw their iPhone had 3 % or 4 % juice left in it. They'd immediately start looking for a plug or a Mophie or something, but they allow themselves to go down to 3 % or 4 % and they don't seem to do anything about it. And then you're just running on fumes and there's no way that you can be your best self or make a maximum contribution to the things that are important to you if you're doing that. So part of it comes down to our discernment of what are we going to invest our time and energy into? And this goes back to just two simple words, yes and no.

1:19:31Alan Stein Jr.:What are you saying yes to and what are you saying no to? As a self-diagnosed people pleaser, this was one that was really challenging for me most of my life. Same here, me too. Because I love saying yes. It feels good to say yes. I want to help as many people as I can. But I've learned that when I say yes to one thing, I am by default saying no to something else. If I'm going to say yes to investing this hour with you, that means this hour and time cannot be invested anywhere else. Now, this happens to be a wonderful investment of my time, one I'm very happy to make. So am I. But we have to be very careful of what we say yes and what we say no to.

1:20:03Alan Stein Jr.:So we have to have some discernment. And for me, I've learned to be able to say no respectfully, with tact, and to be polite. If something is not a good fit, and how do we know if it's a good fit? Is it in alignment with the North Star that you're pursuing? If you're asking me to do something that is taking me away from that North Star, then it's most likely not the wisest investment of my time or energy, and I'll politely decline. If what you're asking me to do is an alignment, then it's probably a great investment of my time and energy. So being able to step back and use our core values and use that North Star to design our lives and design our schedules and design what we're going to say yes to is incredibly helpful.

1:20:42Alan Stein Jr.:We can't rely on feelings and emotions. If you're just saying yes and no to things based on your mood or how you're feeling, there's no consistency in that. What a really good point because you know what? I have a hard time saying no and oftentimes it is just based on my energy rather than out of my values or does it fit into the vision of what I'm trying to create and what I'm trying to do. And that stays, I want to stay on that word vision. You know what surprises me is how little people talk about visualization and how much of it I do and how much of it happy and successful people, both happy and successful people that I know, spend in doing so.

1:21:17And so you talk about, it's not a lot, but you talk about in the book visualization. and I'm wondering any keys you would have for that and also the importance of it because I think most people don't realize you're visualizing all the time. It's just what are you visualizing, right? And I think most people are visualizing their fears, their worries, their to-do list, the stuff they've got. I got to get the kids to soccer. I got to go work out. I got whatever it might be. But are you taking control of what you're visualizing in your life? Because I think ultimately our minds move towards what it's most familiar with.

1:21:49Absolutely. And so you talk about it in the book and I don't want to use my version of it, but how do you feel about visualization and anything about it you want to share?

1:21:56Alan Stein Jr.:One of the words that comes up in a lot of your shows and a lot of your work is intention. So we have to make sure we're very intentional with what we're visualizing. There were a few different research studies and I reference them in the book. The one that I like the most from a visualization standpoint was they took three different groups and they were going to have them shoot free throws. And these weren't professional players by any means. These were just regular weekend warriors. And in the three groups, the first group, they got tested on the first day. And then they practiced for 21 consecutive days.

1:22:21Alan Stein Jr.:And then they took the retest 21 days later. Second group took the test on the first day, did not touch a basketball, but only visualized making free throws for the next 21 days and then took the retest. And then the third group tested on the first day, didn't practice and didn't visualize and then retested on the 21st day. I think most people would realize the group that didn't practice or visualize there was there was no improvement. In fact, they had a slight decline in their ability. But the part that blew my mind was the group that visualized was only a couple of percentage points less than the group that actually practiced.

1:22:54Alan Stein Jr.:So so by actually sitting with your eyes closed and visualizing making free throws, it's almost as good as as being able to practice. And that that blows my mind. Now, I think we can also agree that the best thing to do is to do both is to get in repetition, you know, purposeful repetition as well as visualize. I visualize before every single speaking engagement, every engagement I do. I always arrive the day before and I request to see the room the day before I'm going to speak. I want to get a feel for what it's going to look like. I visualize before I came in here with you today. I watched several of your other guests on YouTube who were in this studio.

1:23:30Alan Stein Jr.:I knew what this room looked like before I set foot in here, which gave me a certain level of comfort that I wasn't going to walk into anything that I hadn't hadn't prepared myself for. And one of my favorite quotes that I learned from a mentor of mine is make preparation your separation and that I want to be as prepared as possible for everything that I do. And that will also lower stress. Yeah. Ben Newman was telling me this Saban quote where he says, you know, most teams practice until they get it right. And he says here at Alabama, we practice until we can't get it wrong. Yes. And it's just a different standard of preparation.

1:24:00And I'm the same way, by the way, I try to do all of those things. And I'll give you an interesting on a visualization to share with you. It'll take me a minute for the audience, but I got hurt my sophomore year of college. And I couldn't play. And we had a team psychologist at the time. He ended up being killed. And I use a lot of his work to this day. He was in a car accident. I use a lot of his work. And I get a lot of credit for it because he was so cutting edge even back in those days. And he said, Ed, here's what we're going to do. And I hit.215 my freshman year. Terrible year. That's terrible.

1:24:27And then I sat out because I was hurt. The next year I hit almost.380. And I wasn't any better of a hitter. What happened was he taught me to visualize. And we'd sit behind the batting cage where the other guys were popping some up, grounding the double plays, missing a few. He said, Ed, you're going to hit a line drive up the middle thousands of times. And he made me focus on my visualization. So he goes, Ed, all right, visualize you hitting the line drive up the middle. I go, I got it. And he'd go, okay, really? Do you? And he would make me hyper visualize. He'd say, Ed, where's the camera? I go, what do you mean?

1:24:55He goes, well, how are you seeing it? From what angle? Is the camera in the center field, like on TV, over the pitcher's head shooting in? Or is it from the batter's box, your view out? And I go, I don't know. And he goes, well, then you kind of should know. and I go okay actually turns out the camera's on me I'm looking out at the picture he goes great not everybody has it that way he goes can you see the release point can you see the stitches on the ball can you see the rotating and it got to the point where he go what is it and I say it's a curveball he goes how do you know I could see the dot on the stitches right and then I could see I got to the point where he'd make me work I could see then the stitches coming in I could see the ball hit the bat and the stitches re-rotating backwards the other way right back over the guy's left shoulder I just got to share this with you so I come back I'm a 215 hitter the first day in BP First pitch throw to me is up and away, and I swat at it and hit a line drive up the middle.

1:25:39Next ball, down and away. Line drive up the middle. And I think it was 28 straight hits. My teammates are like, what's going on with my let? Line drive up the middle every single time. Then I popped one up, and I hit like 16 more up the middle. I had not swung a bat in six months. But the upside to that was I didn't have any negative experiences from actually swinging the bat. And the subconscious mind really doesn't know the difference between what's real and what's imagined. I share this because your work is so good, bro. And the people that are listening to this, if you would start to visualize and then get better at it, refine it, see it more clearly.

1:26:15Can you slow it down? Can you speed it up? Can you add color? Can you add sound? And the more you get good at visualizing, you're going to change your damn life. The better you get at this. So I just wanted to add, second it, and add to it that I have a real-life experience. And to this day, things like getting to the studio and visualizing it, I do that crazy stuff, too, because it's not crazy. All right. Chapter five. Never heard it said this way. Using stress. So usually people are taught avoid stress, minimize stress. And you have strategies for that in the book as well. But sometimes you're almost like, hey, dance with it.

1:26:47Use this stress. What does that mean?

1:26:49Alan Stein Jr.:That goes back to something we said earlier. It's kind of the difference between viewing something that's making you nervous versus viewing something that gets you really, really excited. I mean, I've, I said to you before off hair, I'm a huge fan of your work. You've had a massive impact on my life. Uh, I could have been nervous coming in here and to meet you for the first time and sit, but instead I was excited for this opportunity. Like, and those, they can have very similar feelings. They can have, you can have the butterflies in your stomach, you know, and I don't remember who said that originally, but if you ever feel butterflies in your stomach, just get them all lined up in the same direction so that they can work, they can work for you.

1:27:22Alan Stein Jr.:But we do. We need to have some stress in our life. If the stress is overwhelming, then you'll be completely debilitated. If I was completely overwhelmed with stress right now, this wouldn't be much of an interview. However, if there was zero stress, I'd probably be bored and there wouldn't be much of an interview. So we want just enough to keep us sharp. It's very similar to fear. Fear in and of itself keeps us safe. We want to have some fear. If not, we just walk in the middle of traffic or we just juggle knives or do something foolish. But if we have too much fear, then we become paralyzed and we can't actually do anything.

1:27:54Alan Stein Jr.:So, yeah, these things help. They help keep us sharp. So we want to have a little bit, be on a little bit of edge for the things that mean the most to us. That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow The Ed Milet Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest. Ed, when you think about all the people you've interviewed, you've talked to, the people you surround yourself with, your inner circle and you're obviously one of these guys too these are those who have sustained excellence over an extended period of time what are some of the commonalities among those few people standards period you don't get your goals in life most of the time you will always eventually get your standards and most people spend a lot of time setting up goals and never take a real inventory of what their standards are.

1:28:45Standards are like actually how you live. Standards are everything about you. If you're meticulous, if you're excellent, if you're like what you did today, I mean, we're talking about meticulous preparation you did for this interview, right? That's a standard. So you know what's going to happen? You're going to get a great interview, right? You could have had a goal for a great interview today, but if you don't have the standard of preparation of delivery that you have, that's different. So people who sustain greatness have super high standards and keep raising them. And the truth is the place they're going, what I find oftentimes is not as important as the process in getting there.

1:29:22They're refining their processes. They're refining their habits and rituals. I have a whole really good chapter on habits because habits it's, I had a bad day yesterday. I put this on my Instagram. I'll share my bad days too. I was sick. I didn't feel good. And I said, I did not, my A game was not yesterday. But the separator in life is not who's the most motivated. It's not. It's what do you do on the days you're not. The separator for these elite people who succeed long term is they can perform at a relatively high level on the days they're not feeling it. They can win with their B game because of their habits, rituals, and disciplines.

1:29:59As I was just saying that, many of you thought about different athletes that you look up to. You're thinking of Michael Jordan's illness game. You're thinking of Tiger Woods winning the U.S. Open on a broken leg. You're thinking of the sustained greatness of a Brady between two different organizations. Those are standards. And if you interview or tell him, Brady belongs to one of my golf clubs, right? Phil Mickelson's been on my show. He's told me many times. I'd love to interview Tiger. I haven't interviewed Tiger, but Zach Johnson's been on. Phil Mickelson's been on. They're friends. And they've both told me, this guy's standards are just, he's a freak.

1:30:32He's just a freak when it comes to golf standards, right? Right. Kobe Bryant became a pretty good friend of mine before he passed away. This man's standards of how he worked out and what he did. You say I'm in really good shape. Right. I'm in pretty good shape. But then I've worked out with guys that are like world class bodybuilders and athletes. It's a totally different standard. It's a freak show of the standard. Right. So the long answer is you get your standards and that's what separates them. The last book I published, I was called The Pursuit of Excellence. and every once in a while I get a question, they're like, why?

1:31:08Why? Isn't it easier to kind of be okay with things? Like, isn't life a little bit easier that way? And I certainly have my answers for that and I wrote about that. But why have high standards? Why not say, you know what, I'm going to have really good standards. I'm going to do a solid job. I'm going to also relax quite a bit. But I'm wondering, what is the motivation for you? I know it is for you. What is it for you to have such high standards? Great question. It is seductive to contemplate average. Yeah. Very seductive. In fact, as we're talking, I'm looking at the beach that I live on, and I could be sitting out there right now.

1:31:51The truth is that I've grown to accept who I am, and who I am is not that. and I would not be happy. I have this, you know, Napoleon Hill says in Think and Grow Rich, to begin with the end in mind. And I think that's a great way to approach life. As I told you, I was with my dad for his last breath, holding his hand, actually. And it's okay to, you know, every once in a while, think about the end of your life because it's going to come at some point. You know, someday I will be my dad. Someday you will be where my dad was. And when you die, you know, Whatever you believe religiously is up to you, but I just have this belief.

1:32:29I'm a Christian, but I have this other belief that God's going to introduce me to the man I was capable of being, the one he made in his image for me, the guy who could have had the moments, the memories, the contribution, the emotions, the achievements, the times. When I die, I want to meet that man and catch him. I want to be identical twins. I want to catch the guy I was capable of becoming in my life because I believe that's what we were all born to do is to reach our destiny. And I believe we were all born to do something great with our lives. Every single one of us. Why do I have humility?

1:32:59Because I come from the same father in heaven you do, man. I'm no better than you. We're brothers. Anyone listen to this? We're brothers or brother and sister, right? And so to me, heaven would be getting there and I became that man. Hell would be getting there and I was total strangers. And I meet this guy I could have been, the places I could have gone, the people I could have helped, the memories, the emotions. That's hell. And so that guides my decision making. And for the record, I have a ton of fun. I have a ton of travel. I have a blast. But I've learned something. Winning is more fun than fun is fun.

1:33:40Winning is just more fun than fun is fun. And so I enjoy winning. I enjoy helping people. But believe me, man, my birthday's next week. I'm taking some time off. I'm going to stagecoach festival last year for my 50th birthday. I was in Cabo going nuts. So believe me, I have a ton of fun, but I like to have left it all out on the field before I take my break. Or I'm like, you know what? I deserve this break. Nothing worse than taking a break and knowing you left a bunch on the field, you know, and you're like, I can't even enjoy this the way I want to. The truth is all of you just accept this. You can't enjoy the breaks when you haven't crushed it before you get there.

1:34:17And you know it, you know it. So just lay it all out and then go do whatever the heck you want. Max out your fun, max out your partying, but you got to max out the other stuff before you get there.

1:34:49We'll be right back.